Bloods (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode #2.3 - full transcript
(siren wailing)
(mellow melodic music)
One move and it's your brains
all over the SteriWipes, Loz.
I don't want no trouble, ma'am.
I just want a suction tube,
some cloth tape and...
Some saline solution.
(Jo imitating gunshot) Ah!
(Jo imitating gunshot)
Why?
(Jo imitating gunshot)
- You just shot yourself.
- Yeah,
I'm not doing time for you, Loz.
Ow! (Groaning softly)
Oh, Loz, are you alright?
Yeah, just a little
posterior thigh strain.
Oh.
June's into pony play,
she spent the evening
mounting me as a palomino
horse called Mr. Major.
My fault, 'cause I didn't
properly brace for impact.
- Jesus, that's messed up.
- Not as messed up
as you're gonna be,
Little Missy Lady.
It's not even loaded.
Oh, really? (Tongue clicking)
Never turn your back
on the Lozenge of Doom.
(door clicking)
Well, hello, Lawrence.
Oh, hi, George.
See you, Jo.
So REACT training?
Reactions like this, I
don't need training, George.
Or I could just tell your boss
that you're refusing a
mandated mental health scheme.
Fortunately, George, I've
got some real training to do
with the new re-stocker,
so I don't have time.
(door thudding) (door locking)
♪ Oh, ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Oh, allow it, Jo, man.
You're not taking an ambulance
to a knife crime workshop,
they're too valuable.
- And we are not?
- Exactly.
Now don't take all day, but try
to inspire these young minds
to stop knifing each other
and get me some new
paramedic recruits.
Wendy, this is the whitest
car ever made, blood,
I can't go to no
hood school in this.
You are proper violating me, man
- and I'm too hungover for this.
- Oh good night?
Worst, yesterday would've
been my dad's birthday.
Oh, you never said, you haven't
spoken about him in ages.
It's not that deep, bruv.
I did this little thing for
him at the pub for his mates,
but they just kept
rinsing me out,
because I still live
at home with my mother.
They're like, "Puff
Puff, you are a blight
on the hallowed memory
of your father."
Puff Puff, why do
they call you that?
- I didn't say Puff Puff.
- (Wendy laughing)
- I said Puff Puff.
- Ooh!
They're calling me a
fried dumpling, blood.
They think 'cause I don't have
enough money, I ain't shit.
Well, I hope you told
them where to flipping go.
Are you mad? I'm Nigerian
and they're my elders.
I paid the bill, bowed my head
and asked for their blessing.
But it's cool, 'cause
today I'm gonna smash it
and I might even ask
Jo for a promotion.
[Wendy] Right, well, get
in the car, Puff Puff.
Look, I beg you take
the back roads, man,
(car door thudding)
this car is crap.
Oh, come on, get in,
it's gonna be great.
(melodic upbeat music)
♪ What up ♪
Tasha's had her bone
marrow transplant,
apparently her pick
line's a bit dodge.
Okay, so we go in,
no eye contact, no
sudden movements
and I know this is
gonna be hard for you,
but please give her
no reason to attack.
(ambulance doors clicking)
Thank God you're here.
(ambulance doors thudding)
I thought you'd be cross,
seeing as we flambed Tasha's
comics on our last visit.
I don't care who they send,
it's just nice to have
someone, anyone else here.
We've been stuck in isolation
together since the transplant.
(Claire sobbing)
She hates me.
It happens, she's just
lashing out at the caregiver.
- She doesn't hate you.
- Oi!
They're here for me, why are
you leaving them out there?
I could be literally
dying up here.
What's wrong with you?
(window thudding)
Well, she definitely hates you.
(melodic orchestral music)
Oh, it looks gorgeous,
wowser, so posh.
Wake up, Puff Puff, we're here.
Hm.
Oh, I can't wait to do my rap.
Oh God, no please, please.
These young brothers
are going through
a knife crime epidemic,
they've suffered enough.
There's no brothers here.
What, away, are you sure
this is the right place?
It's lovely, isn't it?
Oh, can you imagine me
in a place like this
fumbling about in Hugh
Bonneville's breeches?
- Ugh!
- I haven't had a good fumble
since Spencer got here,
not even with myself.
Hey, please.
No one's been down my
abbey for a long time,
- I can tell you that.
- No, do not tell me,
I don't wanna know.
Why are we even doing
a workshop here?
Posh people get everything, man,
we can't even have our own crime
without them taking that too.
We treat without
judgement, remember?
These lot don't need me.
Ain't no duke shanking up some
next duke in a postcode war.
[Girls] Good afternoon.
Afternoon.
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, Jo, as I
said before, REACT,
recognise, engage,
actively listen,
check risk and talk
are a framework
for a mental wellness
conversation with your staff,
which is why I think
it's so important,
that you've added
words of your own.
Got it, George.
Okay.
Great, Jo.
- Thanks, George.
- Really mature.
Sorry I'm late or whatever.
No one would give up their
seat for me on the bus.
Pensioners can be so
entitled, don't you think?
(Spencer clears throat)
I'll be fine, I just, I just
need somewhere to decompress.
How about the stock cupboard,
where you should've
been hours ago?
Indoor voice please, I'm an HSP.
What the fuck's an HSP?
- Highly sensitive person.
- That's not a thing.
I self-identify as one.
Yes, we will happily make
reasonable adjustments
to accommodate your needs.
Needs? I don't do needs.
So get off my udders, let's
get to work, you melt.
(Spencer sighing)
Christ!
(mellow upbeat music)
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
If she gets violent, I'm
throwing this over her head.
(Gary knocking)
We're just gonna take a look
at your pick line, alright?
(door clicking)
Hi, guys, ready to go?
It's not the Tasha
I was expecting.
What are you doing here?
I'm entitled to confidential
medical care, so go away!
There she is.
Well, we can't
have this, can we?
Stop all your lovely
meds coming through.
Kareshma, I might
need a hand here.
Oh, I think we might need
a doodah from the van.
(door thudding)
There are no doodahs.
No shit, you're literally
couldn't have made it more
obvious we're
speaking about her?
I don't know, I'm quite
good at subterfuge.
Okay, okay, okay.
She knows how much
she needs that line,
but she's obviously
pulled it out herself.
The question is
why? (Door clicking)
Hey, you guys ready to go
or do you need more
time to talk about me?
(melodic upbeat music)
♪ Get it, get it, get
it wherever I can ♪
Wait, sorry, can you
just show me again?
I just showed you a
minute ago, you twassock.
Yeah, but I was texting,
so I didn't really listen.
It's not cryptic, mate.
You're a re-stocker, you
grab the medical shit,
you take it to the neenaws,
you get the old shit out,
you put the fresh shit in.
Okay, put the fresh shit
in, okay, got it, thank you.
(door thudding)
(camera clicking)
(school bell ringing)
Please wait here, sir
will be with you soon.
Oh, thanks, duck.
I got my level one
BSL on Wowcher.
Another language for
you to beg for innit.
Here, have you seen how
much it costs to come here?
I can't inspire these kids,
they're already making
more money than me
and they're only 12.
You're a right "Les
Misérables" today.
Yes, this place
has got me shook.
They don't usually let
men that look like me
in gaffs like this.
Eric Ubercama, headmaster,
really pleased to meet you
both, please follow me.
Bet no one calls him Puff Puff.
Just tell us what you did.
I was having a Zoom
disco with my mates
and they got stuck
when I was dancing.
Oh, I love a boogie, my
kids are always filming me.
So that they can put
it on the internet
for strangers to laugh at, Gary.
So do you really
expect me to believe
you can't keep a pick line in?
You have to get me out
of here, it's my mum,
she's in deep fucking denial
and she's a Keep Calm and
Carry On mug in jeggings.
So I'm not calm, I am fucking
furious and nobody gets it.
Uh!
I think I'm starting to.
(melodic suspenseful music)
You are going to have
to speak at some point.
Will I though?
You're speaking now.
Am I though?
If I were leading a wellness
conversation with my team,
I'd start with some
personal disclosure.
You'll find your
own way with this,
but I'll just model
the language for you.
You could start
with something like,
I'm George, three years sober,
biggest fear, people find
my insights annoying.
I'm Jo,
got totally rat-arsed last night
and I can confirm you
are a total ball ache.
(Darrell knocking)
I'm busy!
Lads, come on in.
(door clicking)
We've got a question for
you, well, Darrell does.
Jo, I need a wife and I couldn't
think of anyone lovelier
or more cleverer or more
legally British to marry.
Absolutely fuck, no.
George, I need a wife and
I couldn't think of anyone
lovelier or cleverer or more
legally British to marry.
Oh, she's tempted, Darrell.
Please, it'll help
my mental health.
You know, one knife
wound can kill you.
Well, not yous, 'cause
you're not really
about that life, innit? (Laughs)
Could you turn on the hearing
loop so we can all hear you?
- What, this thing?
- Yes.
(switch clicking)
(feedback whining)
Thank you.
Anyway, as I was
saying, people under a
Jennifer,
ah, can you put the
music on please?
(Jennifer sighing)
(switch clicking)
(soft melodic music) Thank you.
♪ Selector, selector ♪
Jesus!
♪ Into selector ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ Man up in the whip
with a bally on ♪
♪ It takes one ♪
[Maleek] What are you doing?
Rapping, what's it look like?
- That is not rap.
- Would you do it then?
Look, just give me
the thing, man. (Tuts)
This is shit.
♪ Yo, if you've got your own,
that's three times more ♪
♪ More time before
the knives get drawn ♪
♪ Stay safe, stay in school ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what the
really real Gs, them do ♪
♪ Bread Roman ain't got nish ♪
♪ Not nish, but big, bad news ♪
♪ Fit in there with your Gs ♪
♪ Your only Gs should
be your GCSEs ♪
♪ So please take this
message from me ♪
♪ It takes one ♪
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
Yeah.
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
(audience applauding
unenthusiastically)
Questions?
Yeah?
How much does a paramedic earn?
- 34,000.
- 30,000.
What?
I'll pay you 35,000 pounds,
if you promise not to rap again.
(audience laughing)
Sir, are you gonna let
her talk to me like that?
- Maddie.
- I'm sorry, sir,
but I find it patronising,
reductive and try hard.
(audience laughing)
Your mum's patronising
and reductive.
- Ssh!
- That's why
they should beat kids
in school though.
This is you and this stupid rap.
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
(Jo humming)
(files thudding)
There's no point doing this,
I'm never gonna get you
on side with this, am I?
There you go, something
we agree on finally.
I'm going to use some
direct language now, Jo.
- I underestimated you.
- It's alright, George,
so did my army PT, she's twice
the bloke you'll ever be.
If you won't take
the mental health
of this depot seriously,
then I'm afraid.
Regional will find
someone who will.
Am I making myself clear?
Are you saying that
I don't have to do
this mental health
toss at South Hill?
Result.
(students chattering)
Bye.
That was a bit
savage, wasn't it?
I told you this was
just a waste of time.
All the kids, they say stuff,
you don't normally
let it get to you.
Yeah, but that's the hood kids,
it's hood kids, it's different.
You let them cuss you out,
'cause you know you're
saving lives there,
but we're just a joke
thing to these lot, man,
ain't none of them
gonna be paramedics.
Posh pricks, like
little dickead, Maddie.
What's she know about rap?
Fool, this is bullshit, man.
- (feedback whining)
- Maleek, the hearing loop.
Oh, I'm not stupid, it's off.
Maybe she won't tell anyone.
She's gonna snitch.
I'm not even angry, I'm
just really disappointed.
(school bell ringing)
Look, sir, or sire, whatever,
this whole thing was
just a big mistake, yes?
So we're gonna leave you
to your marking and that.
Hold it, the bell doesn't
dismiss you, I dismiss you.
Now you're going to finish
this little workshop,
because I happen to
think it's important
our students are prepared for
anything life throws at them.
But first an apology.
Maddie.
- (door clicking)
- Oh.
(door thudding)
Crack on, Maddie,
it's your time you're wasting.
I think he means you
apologise to her.
But sir.
Now.
(tuts) Sorry, Maddie.
Whatever, just no
more rap, yeah.
Hm.
Can I go now, sir?
Off you go.
♪ Give it ♪
♪ Oh, ooh ♪
♪ Give it ♪
It's bit of a dick move
taking your anger out
on something you need
like a pick line.
Not my best work obvi.
And obvi, as an
NHS professional,
I would never encourage
you to destroy anything
or smash anything up.
No, no, crikey, no.
But I wonder what would happen,
if you ripped the literal
shit out of this schoolwork.
(paper tearing)
There you go.
(paper tearing)
And what about that shit
over there, how about that?
Come on.
(objects clattering)
- (Gary laughing)
- Yes!
Tasha, what the
heck is going on?
I'm fucking angry, Mum,
not hacking, really
fucking angry.
Aren't you?
Of course I'm fucking angry.
It's like good to
show it sometimes,
you don't need to act
like everything's okay.
Fine.
(kick thudding)
(objects clattering)
Yes, Mum!
- (melodic upbeat music)
- Tasha, the bear.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- (bag tearing)
- Aw, poor bear!
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(Tasha shrieking)
(guitar thudding)
We should leave them to it.
Hm.
(Tasha shrieking)
(guitar thudding)
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(audience chattering)
Can we have some baba baba?
Ah, thanks.
Yo, Jennifer, hit the
lights please, my G.
(Jennifer sighing)
(switch clicking)
Nice, okay, so
remember, guys, BPN.
B, leave the blade in,
P, apply pressure to the wound.
Now you can use anything,
clothes if you have them.
And finally N,
call 999. (Laughing awkwardly)
This is... Wendy?
Right, well, these might
look like a horror film,
but they're actual
photos of knife wounds.
(girls screaming)
Wendy, what are you doing?
Those aren't school slides,
those are surgeon's slides.
They said they didn't
want be patronised.
Yeah, but they don't
want bloody PTSD either.
Look what you've done
to the poor kids then.
- (girl vomiting)
- Oh.
Oh, she's being sick, uh!
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
[Darrell] Ah, Spencer,
how was the first day?
Do you know what,
actually amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was
wondering if you knew any chicks
you could set me
up with to marry?
Ugh, heteronormative.
It's just so Darrell
can stay in the country.
The person just needs to
have a British passport.
Wow and racist.
Do you know what,
you both disgust me.
I'm so sorry for being a racist.
[Darrell] That's it then.
Only one option left.
I'm gonna have to marry your
mum and become your stepdad.
Could you teach me
how to ride a bike?
Sure, kiddo.
Welcome to the family!
(belt clicking)
Thanks, Kareshma.
Hm, literally just doing my job.
(ambulance door thudding)
What?
Nothing, it's just
you don't want to get
too close to the patients.
As if.
(drawer thudding)
(plastic rustling)
[Lawrence] Alright, Jo.
- Alright, Loz.
- How did it go with George?
- All sorted.
- Why are you doing this?
Where's the new guy?
He's taking a daylight break.
- Oh.
- What a twat.
Hm, good, 'cause I don't
want any witnesses to this.
(Lawrence imitating gunshot)
.44 to the face, yeah.
Oh, you'd be out the door,
if you shot that in here.
Not if I stayed soft
through the knees
at the point of release.
[Jo] No, kick like
a mule on that.
[Lawrence] Hm.
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
Oh, Spencer, how
was your first day?
Do you know what?
I'm so tired, I can't
even talk about it.
There is a long hours
culture at this place,
that's very unhealthy.
Wenders, ah, I thought it was
weird a mama bear like you
would walk out on her only
son, totally get it now.
You could do us both
a favour and sack him.
Well, I could, but
I'm not a quitter.
I've bested worse grunts than
him, I will break him first,
then hand his arse
back to you in pieces.
Right.
(mellow upbeat music)
[Darryl] I'm scared.
You're doing really well, son.
Don't let go.
I won't.
Don't let go,
please. (Bicycle whirring)
That's my boy.
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(hammer thudding)
- (man thudding to floor)
- Uh!
(light melodic music)
(mellow melodic music)
One move and it's your brains
all over the SteriWipes, Loz.
I don't want no trouble, ma'am.
I just want a suction tube,
some cloth tape and...
Some saline solution.
(Jo imitating gunshot) Ah!
(Jo imitating gunshot)
Why?
(Jo imitating gunshot)
- You just shot yourself.
- Yeah,
I'm not doing time for you, Loz.
Ow! (Groaning softly)
Oh, Loz, are you alright?
Yeah, just a little
posterior thigh strain.
Oh.
June's into pony play,
she spent the evening
mounting me as a palomino
horse called Mr. Major.
My fault, 'cause I didn't
properly brace for impact.
- Jesus, that's messed up.
- Not as messed up
as you're gonna be,
Little Missy Lady.
It's not even loaded.
Oh, really? (Tongue clicking)
Never turn your back
on the Lozenge of Doom.
(door clicking)
Well, hello, Lawrence.
Oh, hi, George.
See you, Jo.
So REACT training?
Reactions like this, I
don't need training, George.
Or I could just tell your boss
that you're refusing a
mandated mental health scheme.
Fortunately, George, I've
got some real training to do
with the new re-stocker,
so I don't have time.
(door thudding) (door locking)
♪ Oh, ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Oh, allow it, Jo, man.
You're not taking an ambulance
to a knife crime workshop,
they're too valuable.
- And we are not?
- Exactly.
Now don't take all day, but try
to inspire these young minds
to stop knifing each other
and get me some new
paramedic recruits.
Wendy, this is the whitest
car ever made, blood,
I can't go to no
hood school in this.
You are proper violating me, man
- and I'm too hungover for this.
- Oh good night?
Worst, yesterday would've
been my dad's birthday.
Oh, you never said, you haven't
spoken about him in ages.
It's not that deep, bruv.
I did this little thing for
him at the pub for his mates,
but they just kept
rinsing me out,
because I still live
at home with my mother.
They're like, "Puff
Puff, you are a blight
on the hallowed memory
of your father."
Puff Puff, why do
they call you that?
- I didn't say Puff Puff.
- (Wendy laughing)
- I said Puff Puff.
- Ooh!
They're calling me a
fried dumpling, blood.
They think 'cause I don't have
enough money, I ain't shit.
Well, I hope you told
them where to flipping go.
Are you mad? I'm Nigerian
and they're my elders.
I paid the bill, bowed my head
and asked for their blessing.
But it's cool, 'cause
today I'm gonna smash it
and I might even ask
Jo for a promotion.
[Wendy] Right, well, get
in the car, Puff Puff.
Look, I beg you take
the back roads, man,
(car door thudding)
this car is crap.
Oh, come on, get in,
it's gonna be great.
(melodic upbeat music)
♪ What up ♪
Tasha's had her bone
marrow transplant,
apparently her pick
line's a bit dodge.
Okay, so we go in,
no eye contact, no
sudden movements
and I know this is
gonna be hard for you,
but please give her
no reason to attack.
(ambulance doors clicking)
Thank God you're here.
(ambulance doors thudding)
I thought you'd be cross,
seeing as we flambed Tasha's
comics on our last visit.
I don't care who they send,
it's just nice to have
someone, anyone else here.
We've been stuck in isolation
together since the transplant.
(Claire sobbing)
She hates me.
It happens, she's just
lashing out at the caregiver.
- She doesn't hate you.
- Oi!
They're here for me, why are
you leaving them out there?
I could be literally
dying up here.
What's wrong with you?
(window thudding)
Well, she definitely hates you.
(melodic orchestral music)
Oh, it looks gorgeous,
wowser, so posh.
Wake up, Puff Puff, we're here.
Hm.
Oh, I can't wait to do my rap.
Oh God, no please, please.
These young brothers
are going through
a knife crime epidemic,
they've suffered enough.
There's no brothers here.
What, away, are you sure
this is the right place?
It's lovely, isn't it?
Oh, can you imagine me
in a place like this
fumbling about in Hugh
Bonneville's breeches?
- Ugh!
- I haven't had a good fumble
since Spencer got here,
not even with myself.
Hey, please.
No one's been down my
abbey for a long time,
- I can tell you that.
- No, do not tell me,
I don't wanna know.
Why are we even doing
a workshop here?
Posh people get everything, man,
we can't even have our own crime
without them taking that too.
We treat without
judgement, remember?
These lot don't need me.
Ain't no duke shanking up some
next duke in a postcode war.
[Girls] Good afternoon.
Afternoon.
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, Jo, as I
said before, REACT,
recognise, engage,
actively listen,
check risk and talk
are a framework
for a mental wellness
conversation with your staff,
which is why I think
it's so important,
that you've added
words of your own.
Got it, George.
Okay.
Great, Jo.
- Thanks, George.
- Really mature.
Sorry I'm late or whatever.
No one would give up their
seat for me on the bus.
Pensioners can be so
entitled, don't you think?
(Spencer clears throat)
I'll be fine, I just, I just
need somewhere to decompress.
How about the stock cupboard,
where you should've
been hours ago?
Indoor voice please, I'm an HSP.
What the fuck's an HSP?
- Highly sensitive person.
- That's not a thing.
I self-identify as one.
Yes, we will happily make
reasonable adjustments
to accommodate your needs.
Needs? I don't do needs.
So get off my udders, let's
get to work, you melt.
(Spencer sighing)
Christ!
(mellow upbeat music)
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
If she gets violent, I'm
throwing this over her head.
(Gary knocking)
We're just gonna take a look
at your pick line, alright?
(door clicking)
Hi, guys, ready to go?
It's not the Tasha
I was expecting.
What are you doing here?
I'm entitled to confidential
medical care, so go away!
There she is.
Well, we can't
have this, can we?
Stop all your lovely
meds coming through.
Kareshma, I might
need a hand here.
Oh, I think we might need
a doodah from the van.
(door thudding)
There are no doodahs.
No shit, you're literally
couldn't have made it more
obvious we're
speaking about her?
I don't know, I'm quite
good at subterfuge.
Okay, okay, okay.
She knows how much
she needs that line,
but she's obviously
pulled it out herself.
The question is
why? (Door clicking)
Hey, you guys ready to go
or do you need more
time to talk about me?
(melodic upbeat music)
♪ Get it, get it, get
it wherever I can ♪
Wait, sorry, can you
just show me again?
I just showed you a
minute ago, you twassock.
Yeah, but I was texting,
so I didn't really listen.
It's not cryptic, mate.
You're a re-stocker, you
grab the medical shit,
you take it to the neenaws,
you get the old shit out,
you put the fresh shit in.
Okay, put the fresh shit
in, okay, got it, thank you.
(door thudding)
(camera clicking)
(school bell ringing)
Please wait here, sir
will be with you soon.
Oh, thanks, duck.
I got my level one
BSL on Wowcher.
Another language for
you to beg for innit.
Here, have you seen how
much it costs to come here?
I can't inspire these kids,
they're already making
more money than me
and they're only 12.
You're a right "Les
Misérables" today.
Yes, this place
has got me shook.
They don't usually let
men that look like me
in gaffs like this.
Eric Ubercama, headmaster,
really pleased to meet you
both, please follow me.
Bet no one calls him Puff Puff.
Just tell us what you did.
I was having a Zoom
disco with my mates
and they got stuck
when I was dancing.
Oh, I love a boogie, my
kids are always filming me.
So that they can put
it on the internet
for strangers to laugh at, Gary.
So do you really
expect me to believe
you can't keep a pick line in?
You have to get me out
of here, it's my mum,
she's in deep fucking denial
and she's a Keep Calm and
Carry On mug in jeggings.
So I'm not calm, I am fucking
furious and nobody gets it.
Uh!
I think I'm starting to.
(melodic suspenseful music)
You are going to have
to speak at some point.
Will I though?
You're speaking now.
Am I though?
If I were leading a wellness
conversation with my team,
I'd start with some
personal disclosure.
You'll find your
own way with this,
but I'll just model
the language for you.
You could start
with something like,
I'm George, three years sober,
biggest fear, people find
my insights annoying.
I'm Jo,
got totally rat-arsed last night
and I can confirm you
are a total ball ache.
(Darrell knocking)
I'm busy!
Lads, come on in.
(door clicking)
We've got a question for
you, well, Darrell does.
Jo, I need a wife and I couldn't
think of anyone lovelier
or more cleverer or more
legally British to marry.
Absolutely fuck, no.
George, I need a wife and
I couldn't think of anyone
lovelier or cleverer or more
legally British to marry.
Oh, she's tempted, Darrell.
Please, it'll help
my mental health.
You know, one knife
wound can kill you.
Well, not yous, 'cause
you're not really
about that life, innit? (Laughs)
Could you turn on the hearing
loop so we can all hear you?
- What, this thing?
- Yes.
(switch clicking)
(feedback whining)
Thank you.
Anyway, as I was
saying, people under a
Jennifer,
ah, can you put the
music on please?
(Jennifer sighing)
(switch clicking)
(soft melodic music) Thank you.
♪ Selector, selector ♪
Jesus!
♪ Into selector ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ Man up in the whip
with a bally on ♪
♪ It takes one ♪
[Maleek] What are you doing?
Rapping, what's it look like?
- That is not rap.
- Would you do it then?
Look, just give me
the thing, man. (Tuts)
This is shit.
♪ Yo, if you've got your own,
that's three times more ♪
♪ More time before
the knives get drawn ♪
♪ Stay safe, stay in school ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what the
really real Gs, them do ♪
♪ Bread Roman ain't got nish ♪
♪ Not nish, but big, bad news ♪
♪ Fit in there with your Gs ♪
♪ Your only Gs should
be your GCSEs ♪
♪ So please take this
message from me ♪
♪ It takes one ♪
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
Yeah.
♪ Yeah, that's
right, it takes one ♪
(audience applauding
unenthusiastically)
Questions?
Yeah?
How much does a paramedic earn?
- 34,000.
- 30,000.
What?
I'll pay you 35,000 pounds,
if you promise not to rap again.
(audience laughing)
Sir, are you gonna let
her talk to me like that?
- Maddie.
- I'm sorry, sir,
but I find it patronising,
reductive and try hard.
(audience laughing)
Your mum's patronising
and reductive.
- Ssh!
- That's why
they should beat kids
in school though.
This is you and this stupid rap.
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
(Jo humming)
(files thudding)
There's no point doing this,
I'm never gonna get you
on side with this, am I?
There you go, something
we agree on finally.
I'm going to use some
direct language now, Jo.
- I underestimated you.
- It's alright, George,
so did my army PT, she's twice
the bloke you'll ever be.
If you won't take
the mental health
of this depot seriously,
then I'm afraid.
Regional will find
someone who will.
Am I making myself clear?
Are you saying that
I don't have to do
this mental health
toss at South Hill?
Result.
(students chattering)
Bye.
That was a bit
savage, wasn't it?
I told you this was
just a waste of time.
All the kids, they say stuff,
you don't normally
let it get to you.
Yeah, but that's the hood kids,
it's hood kids, it's different.
You let them cuss you out,
'cause you know you're
saving lives there,
but we're just a joke
thing to these lot, man,
ain't none of them
gonna be paramedics.
Posh pricks, like
little dickead, Maddie.
What's she know about rap?
Fool, this is bullshit, man.
- (feedback whining)
- Maleek, the hearing loop.
Oh, I'm not stupid, it's off.
Maybe she won't tell anyone.
She's gonna snitch.
I'm not even angry, I'm
just really disappointed.
(school bell ringing)
Look, sir, or sire, whatever,
this whole thing was
just a big mistake, yes?
So we're gonna leave you
to your marking and that.
Hold it, the bell doesn't
dismiss you, I dismiss you.
Now you're going to finish
this little workshop,
because I happen to
think it's important
our students are prepared for
anything life throws at them.
But first an apology.
Maddie.
- (door clicking)
- Oh.
(door thudding)
Crack on, Maddie,
it's your time you're wasting.
I think he means you
apologise to her.
But sir.
Now.
(tuts) Sorry, Maddie.
Whatever, just no
more rap, yeah.
Hm.
Can I go now, sir?
Off you go.
♪ Give it ♪
♪ Oh, ooh ♪
♪ Give it ♪
It's bit of a dick move
taking your anger out
on something you need
like a pick line.
Not my best work obvi.
And obvi, as an
NHS professional,
I would never encourage
you to destroy anything
or smash anything up.
No, no, crikey, no.
But I wonder what would happen,
if you ripped the literal
shit out of this schoolwork.
(paper tearing)
There you go.
(paper tearing)
And what about that shit
over there, how about that?
Come on.
(objects clattering)
- (Gary laughing)
- Yes!
Tasha, what the
heck is going on?
I'm fucking angry, Mum,
not hacking, really
fucking angry.
Aren't you?
Of course I'm fucking angry.
It's like good to
show it sometimes,
you don't need to act
like everything's okay.
Fine.
(kick thudding)
(objects clattering)
Yes, Mum!
- (melodic upbeat music)
- Tasha, the bear.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- (bag tearing)
- Aw, poor bear!
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(Tasha shrieking)
(guitar thudding)
We should leave them to it.
Hm.
(Tasha shrieking)
(guitar thudding)
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(audience chattering)
Can we have some baba baba?
Ah, thanks.
Yo, Jennifer, hit the
lights please, my G.
(Jennifer sighing)
(switch clicking)
Nice, okay, so
remember, guys, BPN.
B, leave the blade in,
P, apply pressure to the wound.
Now you can use anything,
clothes if you have them.
And finally N,
call 999. (Laughing awkwardly)
This is... Wendy?
Right, well, these might
look like a horror film,
but they're actual
photos of knife wounds.
(girls screaming)
Wendy, what are you doing?
Those aren't school slides,
those are surgeon's slides.
They said they didn't
want be patronised.
Yeah, but they don't
want bloody PTSD either.
Look what you've done
to the poor kids then.
- (girl vomiting)
- Oh.
Oh, she's being sick, uh!
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
[Darrell] Ah, Spencer,
how was the first day?
Do you know what,
actually amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was
wondering if you knew any chicks
you could set me
up with to marry?
Ugh, heteronormative.
It's just so Darrell
can stay in the country.
The person just needs to
have a British passport.
Wow and racist.
Do you know what,
you both disgust me.
I'm so sorry for being a racist.
[Darrell] That's it then.
Only one option left.
I'm gonna have to marry your
mum and become your stepdad.
Could you teach me
how to ride a bike?
Sure, kiddo.
Welcome to the family!
(belt clicking)
Thanks, Kareshma.
Hm, literally just doing my job.
(ambulance door thudding)
What?
Nothing, it's just
you don't want to get
too close to the patients.
As if.
(drawer thudding)
(plastic rustling)
[Lawrence] Alright, Jo.
- Alright, Loz.
- How did it go with George?
- All sorted.
- Why are you doing this?
Where's the new guy?
He's taking a daylight break.
- Oh.
- What a twat.
Hm, good, 'cause I don't
want any witnesses to this.
(Lawrence imitating gunshot)
.44 to the face, yeah.
Oh, you'd be out the door,
if you shot that in here.
Not if I stayed soft
through the knees
at the point of release.
[Jo] No, kick like
a mule on that.
[Lawrence] Hm.
(mellow upbeat music)
♪♪
Oh, Spencer, how
was your first day?
Do you know what?
I'm so tired, I can't
even talk about it.
There is a long hours
culture at this place,
that's very unhealthy.
Wenders, ah, I thought it was
weird a mama bear like you
would walk out on her only
son, totally get it now.
You could do us both
a favour and sack him.
Well, I could, but
I'm not a quitter.
I've bested worse grunts than
him, I will break him first,
then hand his arse
back to you in pieces.
Right.
(mellow upbeat music)
[Darryl] I'm scared.
You're doing really well, son.
Don't let go.
I won't.
Don't let go,
please. (Bicycle whirring)
That's my boy.
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(hammer thudding)
- (man thudding to floor)
- Uh!
(light melodic music)