Black Monday (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Who Are You Supposed To Be? - full transcript
At TBDs Halloween party, Blair tries to make the trade of a lifetime, Mo and Dawn argue over an opportunity, Tiff and Corkie loosen up, and Keith phones a friend.
♪ Upbeat music ♪
♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
Previously on Black Monday...
What if there was
a club just for men?
Have you never heard
of Just F-O-R Men?
Hey, girlfriend!
I am back at the Jammer Group.
That's my Keithy!
Haven't you felt a little
guilty since the crash?
- No.
- There's no Georgina.
All that's left is
a bunch of pallets of Skants
that we couldn't even give away.
- It's a skort.
- It's Skants.
Call me Dede.
I understand you're looking
for an investor.
We have evidence that points
to Blair and Dawn.
Blair is using
Congressman Harris's
insider information
to front-run the market.
You want to finance my campaign?
Marcus is head
of the African American
Scholarship Fund.
I just don't think
we are the right firm for you.
Who else should I trust
with $30 million dollars' worth
of our community's futures?
Our deal is Blair, not Dawn.
If I find out
that you're lying for her,
you're all going down.
Mo, you call this spooky?
I specifically asked
for mid-shin,
and this fog
is ankle deep at best.
Tonight is TBD's coming out.
We have to prove that we can
party with the big boys,
and this shit,
this looks like Tito tried to
remake the "Thriller" video.
Dawnie, no one's gonna be
paying attention
to any of these decorations
when they get a load
of my bitches' brew.
'Cause they're gonna be
miles high.
Oh, wow, nothing says "partying"
like obscure jazz references.
Obscure?
Miles Davis is literally
all people think of
when they hear the word "jazz."
Just take a taste.
Something's missing.
- Ta-da.
- Mm, Robitussin.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you remember
that New Year's Eve
we got so 'tussin'd,
I tried to buy weed
off an undercover police horse?
You had a Robo seizure
during sex.
Oh, my God, I thought
I was gonna die.
- Me too.
So let me ask you something.
You, uh, trying to impress
all the clientele...
or just Marcus?
Shut up, Mo.
Hey, don't worry about it,
Dawnie, okay?
You're the second-best boss
this place has ever seen.
Happy Halloween!
♪ Punchy music ♪
Well, I did it.
I got my next big idea.
I told you, Dawn.
Sometimes you just
have to have...
faith.
- Is that my leather jacket?
- I don't get the reference.
Reagan is going to announce
major tariffs against Japan
tomorrow at 7 a.m.
This is TBD's chance
to get back in the black
and "yen" some.
All we have to do
is short the yen,
and we'll make
a fucking killing.
Yeah, but how can you be so sure
that he's even
gonna do that shit?
Um,
I have been analyzing, uh,
foreign currency markets
and, uh, cross-referencing
geopolitical...
You stole the info
from that congressman
you're blasting.
Yes, Dawn, I did.
Yes, Dawn, he did.
Look, I love him,
but this is bigger than love.
This is money... so much money...
And he's never gonna know.
This is
a fucking brilliant idea.
You really are a whiz kid.
Do this shit immediately.
- Thanks, Mo.
- Yeah.
But Dawn, in order to make
a big enough profit
to really un-Ponzi our asses
and balance our books
once and for all,
we're gonna have to tap in
to your AASF funds
to leverage all the way up.
Okay, on second thought,
using the African American
Scholarship Fund's cash
to insider trade on
top-secret stolen information...
I mean, yikes.
We should sleep on this.
Better yet,
let's black out on it.
No, because the second
word gets out,
people are gonna jump all over
this and kill the profits.
- Also, fuck off, Mo.
- Wait a minute.
No, no, no, no, no,
Blair, listen.
He's right, though. All right?
This is... this is dirty,
even for us.
Yeah.
I've managed to make
a good, honest profit
keeping the AASF money
separate, you know?
And I'm not about to risk
all those kids' future.
Not to mention if the SEC
finds out, we are fucked...
- Ooh.
- Forever.
Forever fucked.
But that's the best part.
No one's ever gonna find out.
The SEC doesn't track
Asian markets after 2 a.m.,
and the only evidence
is gonna be a disc
in our own record room.
All we have to do
is trash that disc
after we make the trade,
use the windfall
to finance Harris' campaign,
then he'll jam through a fat
AmeriSavings bailout for us,
and we can go back to being
the honest, equal-opportunity
firm of the future
that we promised we would be
after we destroyed Mo.
No offense, Mo.
Some taken.
But in order to do this,
we have to use
those AASF funds, Dawn.
- Trust me.
Oh, God.
♪ I believe the children
are our future ♪
♪ Teach them well ♪
♪ And let them lead the way ♪
Dawn, you hate kids.
I do.
♪ Punchy music playing ♪
Whoa.
- Cool sad guy costume.
- Hilarious.
I'm going home.
Why should I stay someplace
everyone hates me?
Nobody hates you.
You know, just, uh...
just all the women.
But come on, my man,
A sloppy office party
is the perfect night
to change all that.
I hate Halloween.
It's a stupid, pagan holiday
that celebrates witches,
which are basically
chick doctors.
Anyway, I don't have
a costume or anything,
so, like, whatever.
We can fix that, big guy.
Uh, hold on.
Um...
All right, one of
my Coogi sweaters and...
ooh, a tray of Jell-o shots.
Zip-zop, bippity bop.
Theo, Denise, Rudy, Vanessa.
You are now
America's favorite dad,
hero of the black community,
Dr. Bill Cosby.
He is a super guy.
- Okay, I'll stay.
- Yes!
- Dawn.
- Yeah?
Are you really gonna do
that shit with the AASF money?
You used to do all kinds
of shit with everybody's money.
The Jammer Group
was founded on shit.
Besides, you heard him.
No one's ever gonna know.
You will.
Dawn, you are not me or Blair.
You wanna act
like a tough chick,
but I know you were all torn up
about all the people you hurt
on Black Monday.
Come on.
Don't let Blair drag you down.
Fuck. You're right.
Fine, I'll just...
I'll tell Blair
to trade with his own accounts.
I'm sure it will be
a big enough win
to hold us over until
we get the bailout.
Thanks, Momo.
You know I'm looking out
for you.
Yeah.
Connie, it's Mo, listen.
It's all going down at the TBD
Halloween party tonight,
and it's the exact kind
of huge shit
that you've been looking
for so you can leverage Blair
into a confession, okay?
You can get him,
and I can get back to my life.
Finally.
You know, Mo, for what
it's worth, I'm happy for you.
Believe it or not,
I want you to be free.
Aw, Connie.
And I want you
to go fuck yourself.
Let me guess, Aisha,
you're not coming
to dinner with my folks.
Babe, I can finish
this case tonight.
Let's fucking party!
♪ I'm kicking into overdrive ♪
♪ Gonna leave it all behind ♪
- Hi.
- Whoo.
- Oh.
Hey, how are you? Are you okay?
You've been here for,
like, ten seconds
and you're already wasted.
Well, I've been drinking
since my morning meetings...
- yesterday.
- Meetings?
Finally brought my Pfaffshion
samples around town.
Well, how did it go?
It was terrible, you idiot.
Sorry.
It's just no one wants denim
on their glasses.
Who am I kidding?
I'm not a fashion designer.
I don't know what I am.
I'm having
a quarter-life crisis.
Well, I don't know
if you're gonna make it
- into your 130s, baber.
- Exactly, life is short.
Hey, hey, what did I promise you
the night I proposed
this partnership?
I swore to you that we would be
the biggest power couple
in New York, nay,
the world, and we are
about to be after tonight
as long as we
keep working together.
Tiff, you don't
have to be anything
except Mrs. Pfaff.
You're Mrs. Pfaff.
- Enjoy it, babe.
- Blair.
Oh, hi.
Uh, uh, Tiff,
this is Congressman Harris
and his daughter, I think.
No, this is his wife, Corkie.
It's nice to meet you, Tiff.
Blair.
Uh, it's nice to meet you both.
That's a great costume.
Let me guess.
You are Huey Lewis
from Back to the Future.
Nope,
I'm a fourth grade teacher.
So lame, right?
- Yeah, 'cause you are a...
- A high school teacher.
Oh.
Blair, before we party,
I really need to discuss
some business
with you, privately.
I... I need to handle
a big piece of your business.
My business is urgent.
Oh, you can't wait
to do business?
Well, let's do it in my office.
Come on, now, Dada.
Please don't leave me alone
at another party
while you go off with the boys.
Hey, let... let him go.
You know what?
If Blair does business
with the Congressman
the way he used to with me,
they'll be back
- before you know it.
- Ouch.
Come on, we can make
our own fun.
Want a drink?
Oh, no. I don't drink.
Do you like to watch?
- Oh, my gosh.
Whoo!
Feed me!
God damn it, Keith.
What do you want?
Info... all of it.
I don't have any info...
What is that smell?
Ugh, someone peed on me.
Look, I know something big
is going down tonight.
Is it a trade or a deal... what?
Only thing going down
tonight is my boogie.
Tell me or I'm gonna tell
Dawn and Blair it was you
who blew up their bank deal
by blowing up AmeriSavings.
The same AmeriSavings blowup
that you were a part of?
What are you doing here?
Who are you working for?
- Really?
- What?
- Whoa, cool costume.
- Get the fuck out of my face.
Whoa. Ow!
Aw, your highness,
I am so glad you could make it.
I wouldn't miss it,
your flyness.
You look amazing.
Would it be inappropriate
if I asked you...
To dance.
To dance... yeah, I asked first,
so, you know, there it is.
I'm pretty sure I just did.
Uh, you didn't hear
me just say it?
I believe
I was about to do this.
- No, I just asked...
- Must be nice.
Yeah.
So if you don't drink,
what do you do
with yourself when your
husband's off doing business?
- These help.
- Ooh.
- May I?
- Oh, yes, please.
Yeah, those are...
Valium, dexies, benzo fury.
What's that one?
Giraffe laxative.
- For your figure?
- You ever seen a fat giraffe?
- You really know your pills.
- So do you.
Mother's little helper...
Is what my mom called me
when I'd go fetch her pills.
You know, maybe I will
have some punch.
I mean, Jesus drank wine, right?
Yes, and I think there's...
Oop... wine in this.
Give her a try.
Ooh, don't mind if I do.
Eenie, meenie, minie.
- Cheers.
I hope I don't shit myself
all night.
You might.
There's only one way
to settle this, playboy.
Name it and claim it.
How about a dance battle, Akeem?
Let's go, Akeem.
- Was that his accent?
- That is his accent.
No, it's more like this.
No, that's what I'm doing,
Akeem.
- No, Akeem, I'm doing it.
- No, Akeem...
You're doing
some broken down thing...
You sound like Count Dracula.
Where are you
supposed to be from?
I am from Zamunda.
Where are you from?
Oh, no, I'm from Zamunda.
Zamunda, well...
That's supposed to be
how you pronounce Zamunda?
- That's Zamunda?
- That's Zamunda?
Oh, you meant actual business.
Just tell me...
Is everything okay with TBD?
Yeah, yeah, never better. Why?
Well, we just shot
a great new spot,
but when we went to buy airtime,
we ran into a snag.
The last three checks
that your girl
has sent over have had mistakes.
Ugh.
One wasn't signed,
one was dated 1888,
and this is just
a dry cleaning receipt.
Oh, I've been looking for this.
If we don't get ILM the 500k
we owe them by tomorrow,
they're not gonna finish
the visual effects.
You used Industrial Light
and Magic
for your political ad?
Look, it's gonna be pretty hard
for me to push through
your precious bank bailout
if I'm not a congressman.
How about this?
How about a blank check?
You just fill it out
for whatever you need
and cash it
whenever, tomorrow.
All right, y'all,
gather round, everyone.
Clear the floor
for a dance battle.
No, we're not battling
to "My Prerogative."
Why?
Bet you already got a bunch of
moves worked out to that shit.
What? Don't be silly.
Now I know you're lying.
Everybody's got a routine
to "My Prerogative."
- He's not lying.
- No, they do.
♪ Everybody's talking ♪
♪ All this stuff about me ♪
♪ Why don't
they just let me live ♪
♪ Tell me why ♪
♪ I don't need permission ♪
♪ Make my own decisions ♪
♪ That's my prerogative ♪
♪ It's my prerogative ♪
♪ I can do what I wanna do ♪
- ♪ It's my ♪ - ♪ It's my ♪
♪ It's my ♪
♪ It's my ♪
- ♪ It's my ♪ - ♪ It's my ♪
♪ My, my, my, my, my ♪
Yeah, knew it.
I ain't a fool. No Bobby.
Fine.
Or you fools could just
not have a dance off.
That's hilarious, Dawn.
That was cool.
I just did that.
Oh!
- Check that.
- Wow. Whoo!
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, all right.
- We'll call it a draw.
- A draw?
Marcus was tap dancing
on your soul.
Marcus wins. Everybody!
Marcus, Marcus!
- Knock it off, man.
- Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!
You know what?
I'm not worried, playboy.
I'll get the next one.
- How bad was it?
- Oh, so embarrassing.
- Jesus.
- Come here.
Ugh.
♪ Darling ♪
♪ Show me how to love you ♪
♪ I want to do it right ♪
♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Won't you please ♪
- Momo?
- Yeah?
♪ I need you ♪
- I have to pee.
- You what?
♪ No more nights
of being alone ♪
♪ With you by my side ♪
♪ My heart has found its home ♪
Hello, Roland.
Connie...
What are you supposed to be?
Oh, wait, let me guess.
KKK, right?
Yeah, makes sense
from all the black people
- you've fucked over.
- I'm a ghost.
And you better watch yourself.
You're not free yet.
Not until Blair makes that trade
and you get me that disc
from the record room.
And no funny stuff.
My guys are everywhere.
Yeah, real imaginative costumes.
Oh, shit, the FBI is here.
Oh, fuck.
Uh, Roger, I have something
I need to tell you.
I've sort of been...
Hmm.
What did you wanna tell me?
That I'm hot for teacher.
- One blank check coming up.
You're welcome, ladies!
♪ There's something
deep inside you ♪
Yeah! Arrest me, officer!
♪ That you don't
want me to see ♪
- Hey, hey, hey...
Hey, what the fuck?
The fuck is this?
I decided to order up some
tricks to treat these ladies.
Such a double standard.
Look, they're
objectifying these men.
Wayne, chill, it's just for fun.
It's bullshit.
Fuck Halloween!
Wayne.
- Oh, yeah!
- A different one.
- Excuse me!
- Whoo!
I don't think that tattoo
is doing
what he thinks it's doing.
- Whoo!
- Okay, please.
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Ugh.
Good idea.
Now you can get
whatever you need,
and I can get whatever I need.
Not here, it's too risky.
Okay.
I know the perfect spot.
All right.
I gotta be honest,
when you came back...
I was like, "here we go again."
Mo' Mo, mo' problems,
but you've really changed.
You know, you're different.
Hold up. I got you a gift.
Ah, Church's Chicken.
Don't think I forgot
it was just your birthday.
I can't believe
you didn't throw yourself
a big party to not show up to.
Uh, I told you, really,
I'm done with that stuff.
Wow, humble, coke-free.
- Who are you?
- Oh, yeah, um...
- What?
Just, um,
remind me to destroy that disc
at, like, 2:15 after Blair
executes the trade.
I don't wanna go to jail
'cause I fell into a sex coma.
Um, why would you go to jail
if Blair's doing
this whole thing by himself?
Oh, stop talking.
Wait a minute, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn.
Did Blair convince you to use
those AASF funds after all?
Are you being serious right now?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
But he didn't convince me.
I reassessed the trade,
and we're gonna
pull the trigger.
It's worth the risk.
Why do I always
have to be the moral one?
Come on, konnichi wa, bitches.
Now come on.
Are we doing this or not?
Dawn, I told you to trust me.
And why the fuck
would I do that, huh?
After all the times that you
fucked me over in the past?
Here I am trying
to throw you a bone,
and you're bitching
about a trade?
You're throwing me a bone?
Bruh, I'm trying
to christen the server room.
I...
- Sorry, I...
- Really?
Okay.
Locked? Damn it!
Oh, fuck the keypad.
Four-digit code?
How many combos can there be?
One, one, one, one. Ugh.
One, one, one, two.
Uh...
Okay, ah, uh.
Whoa, what the hell?
Hey, I was just
looking for you, boo.
Get it... boo?
Ha-ha-ha.
Shouldn't you be
in the server room
so you can grab the disc?
Oh, uh, turns out I was wrong.
No trade going down tonight,
so you guys can go.
- Good job anyway.
- Really?
So Blair's not shorting the yen
based on insider information?
How'd you know that?
We planted that bullshit
on the Congressman
knowing Blair
would take the bait
Tonight's our best shot
to grab Blair by the balls
or we might just have to shift
our focus to Dawn.
I told you, okay?
There's nothing there.
Why don't you have Keith do it?
I know he's working
for you guys too.
What?
Keith's working
for Larry Leighman.
Now go get me evidence
of Blair making that trade
or it's Dawn's ass.
Why you bald-headed,
roller blading,
coke addict motherfucker.
♪ In the ghetto ♪
♪ Stop, point, freeze now ♪
♪ Come on,
get tough on the street ♪
♪ Get tough with the gang ♪
♪ Watch your back,
it's a hardcore thing ♪
♪ In the ghetto ♪
♪ There's no surprise... ♪
All right, look, Keith,
let's let bygones
be bygones, okay?
Why are you talking to a plant?
Oh.
Look, let's let bygones
be bygones, okay?
I want to let you in
on a top secret trade.
Ooh, feed me. I'm all ears.
Larry, it's Keith.
Short the yen right now, okay?
Reagan's dropping
major tariffs on Japan.
Hit it big,
and you'll suck up
all the profit
and fuck over TBD
in the process. Trust me.
You done good, Keithy.
- You done good.
Oh, Tiff,
I had fun with you tonight.
- I did.
- Me too, Corkie.
You're fun, Corks.
- Yeah. I gotta get up, - Ugh.
- I feel a little dizzy.
- Me too.
I feel a little dizzy.
Ugh, okay.
We gotta get up.
- Careful.
- Oh, boy.
Are those Skants?
Skirt on the outside,
pants on the underside?
Oh, yes,
but we call them "pirts."
Very popular with all
of my Evangelical friends.
The comfort of pants
with none of the harlotry.
I thought nobody liked those.
I mean, you know,
I have pallets and pallets.
I don't know what
to do with 'em.
'Cause they're all that's left
of my family business.
Hey...
No, sorry to bring
the mood down.
- No, you're okay.
- It's been hard.
Oh, wow. It sure has, hasn't it?
It's just been a hard time.
You know?
- I just had an idea.
- What?
You know, business isn't
just for the guys anymore.
- We should do lady business.
- Ooh.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
Y-you meant actual business.
Misread that.
You know what? Yes, I'm in.
To lady business!
- No.
- Okay.
- I just love to...
- Fuck.
I was gonna say,
"lie here with you,"
- but that too.
- Something wrong?
- What the...
No, I was just gonna make
a trade in a couple minutes.
But it's already somehow
moving against me.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
We're stuck in here
for 17 minutes?
What the fuck?
What trade were you
trying to make?
Uh, just, like,
you know, stocks.
Wayne, buddy,
you are not gonna believe this,
but this beautiful woman
is dying to meet you.
Wayne Lapotka?
I've been wanting
to talk to you all night.
Is this happening?
After all the promises
my ex-wife broke
and all the computers I broke
trying to Weird Science
a replacement for her,
it made me turn on women.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe women aren't the enemy.
You've been served.
Did Just For Men serve
you for stealing their name.
- God damn it.
- Oh, my God!
As long as we're stuck in here,
I've been dying to show you
the new commercial.
Great.
During Roger Harris' first
term in Congress, he chaired
the House Ethics Committee,
coined the term...
I'm sorry... remind me why
this was $3 million?
Those Star Wars guys take
star wipes very seriously.
And that VO is just temp,
but we're out to Scott Baio.
- Cool.
- Yeah?
Huh?
I'm Roger Harris,
and I'm running for Congress.
- Looks great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it looks really great.
- Mmm.
Scott Baio.
What'd you do, Mo? Hm?
Did you leak our trade?
Huh, sounds like you
didn't get in on time.
- What the fuck did you do?
- I saved your ass, Dawn.
That trade's gonna blow up as
soon as the U.S. market's open.
Now, if you're smart,
you get on the other side
and buy the yen right now
before the Nikkei closes.
I don't need you to save my ass.
I don't need anyone's
fucking help.
I came up with Black Monday!
The whole thing...
It was my idea!
- Dawn Darcy!
- Okay, listen.
You may want to stop
screaming that shit.
And you might wanna stop
telling me
what to stop screaming.
- Hm?
- Yeah, that's it.
Okay, look, will you
just trust me please?
If you want me to trust you,
then do something
that's trustworthy for once.
I just did,
An odd rumor swept
across Wall Street last night
driving the yen
through the floor...
Quickly disproven
at the opening bell.
- The Japanese currency
immediately shot
through the roof,
already higher
than yesterday's close.
You fucked us. You fucked us.
We lost millions. I knew it.
Ugh, you're still working
with Mo
and those little devils,
aren't you?
Whoa, whoa,
Mo fucked us both again,
but it's gonna be
worth it, okay?
'Cause I got enough information
last night to fuck everybody.
You'd be surprised how people
let their guard down
in front of the houseplant.
It's the exact kind of huge shit
that you've been looking for
so you can leverage Blair
into a confession.
I came up with Black Monday! Me!
It was my idea!
Hey, hey, what the fuck, man?
I'm a person.
My bad, my bad.
Trust me, I got this.
You better. You fucking better.
Otherwise I'm sending you
back to the big house
and your wife to the poor house
and me to the fucking
House of Pancakes.
I'm bad off the dribble. Fuck.
- Fuck.
And the yen continues
its historic rise.
- I know what you did.
- What?
You found out Dawn
was gonna be a part
of Blair's illegal trade,
so you used Keith to tip off
the rest of the street so they
couldn't get in in time.
What makes you think that?
'Cause not only did they
not get short,
somehow, Dawn had
the brilliant idea to get long.
Almost as if someone told her
the trade would blow up
at the bell.
Huh.
Your girlfriend
just made $9 million.
And wouldn't you know...
It happens to be
a totally legal trade.
Wow, that's amazing,
but I still don't know
what you're talking about, boss.
And I don't know what you
smiling about, motherfucker,
'cause this changes everything.
Our deal is fucking off.
How is our deal fucking off?
For some shit that I didn't...
Hey, Mo.
Oh, Dede. Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I didn't realize...
- No, no, no, it's not...
- No, no, no, no, no.
I told you.
Don't worry about it.
- She'll understand, baby.
- Uh, yeah.
No, I'm really happy
for you guys.
Ooh, Lord,
what the hell was in that punch?
I ain't black out like that
since I crossed Alpha Gamma Psi.
- You know!
Y'all Wall Street people
know how to party.
Hey, Marcus, you know what?
I actually... I would really like
to go on that date.
- Did I ask you out on a date?
- Yes.
Ooh, dope.
You know what?
I just had the best idea.
Double date.
Yeah, I mean, Dawn, there is so
much I want to learn about you.
Great.
- Great.
- Great.
Yeah, great.
This means war.
♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
Previously on Black Monday...
What if there was
a club just for men?
Have you never heard
of Just F-O-R Men?
Hey, girlfriend!
I am back at the Jammer Group.
That's my Keithy!
Haven't you felt a little
guilty since the crash?
- No.
- There's no Georgina.
All that's left is
a bunch of pallets of Skants
that we couldn't even give away.
- It's a skort.
- It's Skants.
Call me Dede.
I understand you're looking
for an investor.
We have evidence that points
to Blair and Dawn.
Blair is using
Congressman Harris's
insider information
to front-run the market.
You want to finance my campaign?
Marcus is head
of the African American
Scholarship Fund.
I just don't think
we are the right firm for you.
Who else should I trust
with $30 million dollars' worth
of our community's futures?
Our deal is Blair, not Dawn.
If I find out
that you're lying for her,
you're all going down.
Mo, you call this spooky?
I specifically asked
for mid-shin,
and this fog
is ankle deep at best.
Tonight is TBD's coming out.
We have to prove that we can
party with the big boys,
and this shit,
this looks like Tito tried to
remake the "Thriller" video.
Dawnie, no one's gonna be
paying attention
to any of these decorations
when they get a load
of my bitches' brew.
'Cause they're gonna be
miles high.
Oh, wow, nothing says "partying"
like obscure jazz references.
Obscure?
Miles Davis is literally
all people think of
when they hear the word "jazz."
Just take a taste.
Something's missing.
- Ta-da.
- Mm, Robitussin.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you remember
that New Year's Eve
we got so 'tussin'd,
I tried to buy weed
off an undercover police horse?
You had a Robo seizure
during sex.
Oh, my God, I thought
I was gonna die.
- Me too.
So let me ask you something.
You, uh, trying to impress
all the clientele...
or just Marcus?
Shut up, Mo.
Hey, don't worry about it,
Dawnie, okay?
You're the second-best boss
this place has ever seen.
Happy Halloween!
♪ Punchy music ♪
Well, I did it.
I got my next big idea.
I told you, Dawn.
Sometimes you just
have to have...
faith.
- Is that my leather jacket?
- I don't get the reference.
Reagan is going to announce
major tariffs against Japan
tomorrow at 7 a.m.
This is TBD's chance
to get back in the black
and "yen" some.
All we have to do
is short the yen,
and we'll make
a fucking killing.
Yeah, but how can you be so sure
that he's even
gonna do that shit?
Um,
I have been analyzing, uh,
foreign currency markets
and, uh, cross-referencing
geopolitical...
You stole the info
from that congressman
you're blasting.
Yes, Dawn, I did.
Yes, Dawn, he did.
Look, I love him,
but this is bigger than love.
This is money... so much money...
And he's never gonna know.
This is
a fucking brilliant idea.
You really are a whiz kid.
Do this shit immediately.
- Thanks, Mo.
- Yeah.
But Dawn, in order to make
a big enough profit
to really un-Ponzi our asses
and balance our books
once and for all,
we're gonna have to tap in
to your AASF funds
to leverage all the way up.
Okay, on second thought,
using the African American
Scholarship Fund's cash
to insider trade on
top-secret stolen information...
I mean, yikes.
We should sleep on this.
Better yet,
let's black out on it.
No, because the second
word gets out,
people are gonna jump all over
this and kill the profits.
- Also, fuck off, Mo.
- Wait a minute.
No, no, no, no, no,
Blair, listen.
He's right, though. All right?
This is... this is dirty,
even for us.
Yeah.
I've managed to make
a good, honest profit
keeping the AASF money
separate, you know?
And I'm not about to risk
all those kids' future.
Not to mention if the SEC
finds out, we are fucked...
- Ooh.
- Forever.
Forever fucked.
But that's the best part.
No one's ever gonna find out.
The SEC doesn't track
Asian markets after 2 a.m.,
and the only evidence
is gonna be a disc
in our own record room.
All we have to do
is trash that disc
after we make the trade,
use the windfall
to finance Harris' campaign,
then he'll jam through a fat
AmeriSavings bailout for us,
and we can go back to being
the honest, equal-opportunity
firm of the future
that we promised we would be
after we destroyed Mo.
No offense, Mo.
Some taken.
But in order to do this,
we have to use
those AASF funds, Dawn.
- Trust me.
Oh, God.
♪ I believe the children
are our future ♪
♪ Teach them well ♪
♪ And let them lead the way ♪
Dawn, you hate kids.
I do.
♪ Punchy music playing ♪
Whoa.
- Cool sad guy costume.
- Hilarious.
I'm going home.
Why should I stay someplace
everyone hates me?
Nobody hates you.
You know, just, uh...
just all the women.
But come on, my man,
A sloppy office party
is the perfect night
to change all that.
I hate Halloween.
It's a stupid, pagan holiday
that celebrates witches,
which are basically
chick doctors.
Anyway, I don't have
a costume or anything,
so, like, whatever.
We can fix that, big guy.
Uh, hold on.
Um...
All right, one of
my Coogi sweaters and...
ooh, a tray of Jell-o shots.
Zip-zop, bippity bop.
Theo, Denise, Rudy, Vanessa.
You are now
America's favorite dad,
hero of the black community,
Dr. Bill Cosby.
He is a super guy.
- Okay, I'll stay.
- Yes!
- Dawn.
- Yeah?
Are you really gonna do
that shit with the AASF money?
You used to do all kinds
of shit with everybody's money.
The Jammer Group
was founded on shit.
Besides, you heard him.
No one's ever gonna know.
You will.
Dawn, you are not me or Blair.
You wanna act
like a tough chick,
but I know you were all torn up
about all the people you hurt
on Black Monday.
Come on.
Don't let Blair drag you down.
Fuck. You're right.
Fine, I'll just...
I'll tell Blair
to trade with his own accounts.
I'm sure it will be
a big enough win
to hold us over until
we get the bailout.
Thanks, Momo.
You know I'm looking out
for you.
Yeah.
Connie, it's Mo, listen.
It's all going down at the TBD
Halloween party tonight,
and it's the exact kind
of huge shit
that you've been looking
for so you can leverage Blair
into a confession, okay?
You can get him,
and I can get back to my life.
Finally.
You know, Mo, for what
it's worth, I'm happy for you.
Believe it or not,
I want you to be free.
Aw, Connie.
And I want you
to go fuck yourself.
Let me guess, Aisha,
you're not coming
to dinner with my folks.
Babe, I can finish
this case tonight.
Let's fucking party!
♪ I'm kicking into overdrive ♪
♪ Gonna leave it all behind ♪
- Hi.
- Whoo.
- Oh.
Hey, how are you? Are you okay?
You've been here for,
like, ten seconds
and you're already wasted.
Well, I've been drinking
since my morning meetings...
- yesterday.
- Meetings?
Finally brought my Pfaffshion
samples around town.
Well, how did it go?
It was terrible, you idiot.
Sorry.
It's just no one wants denim
on their glasses.
Who am I kidding?
I'm not a fashion designer.
I don't know what I am.
I'm having
a quarter-life crisis.
Well, I don't know
if you're gonna make it
- into your 130s, baber.
- Exactly, life is short.
Hey, hey, what did I promise you
the night I proposed
this partnership?
I swore to you that we would be
the biggest power couple
in New York, nay,
the world, and we are
about to be after tonight
as long as we
keep working together.
Tiff, you don't
have to be anything
except Mrs. Pfaff.
You're Mrs. Pfaff.
- Enjoy it, babe.
- Blair.
Oh, hi.
Uh, uh, Tiff,
this is Congressman Harris
and his daughter, I think.
No, this is his wife, Corkie.
It's nice to meet you, Tiff.
Blair.
Uh, it's nice to meet you both.
That's a great costume.
Let me guess.
You are Huey Lewis
from Back to the Future.
Nope,
I'm a fourth grade teacher.
So lame, right?
- Yeah, 'cause you are a...
- A high school teacher.
Oh.
Blair, before we party,
I really need to discuss
some business
with you, privately.
I... I need to handle
a big piece of your business.
My business is urgent.
Oh, you can't wait
to do business?
Well, let's do it in my office.
Come on, now, Dada.
Please don't leave me alone
at another party
while you go off with the boys.
Hey, let... let him go.
You know what?
If Blair does business
with the Congressman
the way he used to with me,
they'll be back
- before you know it.
- Ouch.
Come on, we can make
our own fun.
Want a drink?
Oh, no. I don't drink.
Do you like to watch?
- Oh, my gosh.
Whoo!
Feed me!
God damn it, Keith.
What do you want?
Info... all of it.
I don't have any info...
What is that smell?
Ugh, someone peed on me.
Look, I know something big
is going down tonight.
Is it a trade or a deal... what?
Only thing going down
tonight is my boogie.
Tell me or I'm gonna tell
Dawn and Blair it was you
who blew up their bank deal
by blowing up AmeriSavings.
The same AmeriSavings blowup
that you were a part of?
What are you doing here?
Who are you working for?
- Really?
- What?
- Whoa, cool costume.
- Get the fuck out of my face.
Whoa. Ow!
Aw, your highness,
I am so glad you could make it.
I wouldn't miss it,
your flyness.
You look amazing.
Would it be inappropriate
if I asked you...
To dance.
To dance... yeah, I asked first,
so, you know, there it is.
I'm pretty sure I just did.
Uh, you didn't hear
me just say it?
I believe
I was about to do this.
- No, I just asked...
- Must be nice.
Yeah.
So if you don't drink,
what do you do
with yourself when your
husband's off doing business?
- These help.
- Ooh.
- May I?
- Oh, yes, please.
Yeah, those are...
Valium, dexies, benzo fury.
What's that one?
Giraffe laxative.
- For your figure?
- You ever seen a fat giraffe?
- You really know your pills.
- So do you.
Mother's little helper...
Is what my mom called me
when I'd go fetch her pills.
You know, maybe I will
have some punch.
I mean, Jesus drank wine, right?
Yes, and I think there's...
Oop... wine in this.
Give her a try.
Ooh, don't mind if I do.
Eenie, meenie, minie.
- Cheers.
I hope I don't shit myself
all night.
You might.
There's only one way
to settle this, playboy.
Name it and claim it.
How about a dance battle, Akeem?
Let's go, Akeem.
- Was that his accent?
- That is his accent.
No, it's more like this.
No, that's what I'm doing,
Akeem.
- No, Akeem, I'm doing it.
- No, Akeem...
You're doing
some broken down thing...
You sound like Count Dracula.
Where are you
supposed to be from?
I am from Zamunda.
Where are you from?
Oh, no, I'm from Zamunda.
Zamunda, well...
That's supposed to be
how you pronounce Zamunda?
- That's Zamunda?
- That's Zamunda?
Oh, you meant actual business.
Just tell me...
Is everything okay with TBD?
Yeah, yeah, never better. Why?
Well, we just shot
a great new spot,
but when we went to buy airtime,
we ran into a snag.
The last three checks
that your girl
has sent over have had mistakes.
Ugh.
One wasn't signed,
one was dated 1888,
and this is just
a dry cleaning receipt.
Oh, I've been looking for this.
If we don't get ILM the 500k
we owe them by tomorrow,
they're not gonna finish
the visual effects.
You used Industrial Light
and Magic
for your political ad?
Look, it's gonna be pretty hard
for me to push through
your precious bank bailout
if I'm not a congressman.
How about this?
How about a blank check?
You just fill it out
for whatever you need
and cash it
whenever, tomorrow.
All right, y'all,
gather round, everyone.
Clear the floor
for a dance battle.
No, we're not battling
to "My Prerogative."
Why?
Bet you already got a bunch of
moves worked out to that shit.
What? Don't be silly.
Now I know you're lying.
Everybody's got a routine
to "My Prerogative."
- He's not lying.
- No, they do.
♪ Everybody's talking ♪
♪ All this stuff about me ♪
♪ Why don't
they just let me live ♪
♪ Tell me why ♪
♪ I don't need permission ♪
♪ Make my own decisions ♪
♪ That's my prerogative ♪
♪ It's my prerogative ♪
♪ I can do what I wanna do ♪
- ♪ It's my ♪ - ♪ It's my ♪
♪ It's my ♪
♪ It's my ♪
- ♪ It's my ♪ - ♪ It's my ♪
♪ My, my, my, my, my ♪
Yeah, knew it.
I ain't a fool. No Bobby.
Fine.
Or you fools could just
not have a dance off.
That's hilarious, Dawn.
That was cool.
I just did that.
Oh!
- Check that.
- Wow. Whoo!
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, all right.
- We'll call it a draw.
- A draw?
Marcus was tap dancing
on your soul.
Marcus wins. Everybody!
Marcus, Marcus!
- Knock it off, man.
- Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!
You know what?
I'm not worried, playboy.
I'll get the next one.
- How bad was it?
- Oh, so embarrassing.
- Jesus.
- Come here.
Ugh.
♪ Darling ♪
♪ Show me how to love you ♪
♪ I want to do it right ♪
♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Won't you please ♪
- Momo?
- Yeah?
♪ I need you ♪
- I have to pee.
- You what?
♪ No more nights
of being alone ♪
♪ With you by my side ♪
♪ My heart has found its home ♪
Hello, Roland.
Connie...
What are you supposed to be?
Oh, wait, let me guess.
KKK, right?
Yeah, makes sense
from all the black people
- you've fucked over.
- I'm a ghost.
And you better watch yourself.
You're not free yet.
Not until Blair makes that trade
and you get me that disc
from the record room.
And no funny stuff.
My guys are everywhere.
Yeah, real imaginative costumes.
Oh, shit, the FBI is here.
Oh, fuck.
Uh, Roger, I have something
I need to tell you.
I've sort of been...
Hmm.
What did you wanna tell me?
That I'm hot for teacher.
- One blank check coming up.
You're welcome, ladies!
♪ There's something
deep inside you ♪
Yeah! Arrest me, officer!
♪ That you don't
want me to see ♪
- Hey, hey, hey...
Hey, what the fuck?
The fuck is this?
I decided to order up some
tricks to treat these ladies.
Such a double standard.
Look, they're
objectifying these men.
Wayne, chill, it's just for fun.
It's bullshit.
Fuck Halloween!
Wayne.
- Oh, yeah!
- A different one.
- Excuse me!
- Whoo!
I don't think that tattoo
is doing
what he thinks it's doing.
- Whoo!
- Okay, please.
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Ugh.
Good idea.
Now you can get
whatever you need,
and I can get whatever I need.
Not here, it's too risky.
Okay.
I know the perfect spot.
All right.
I gotta be honest,
when you came back...
I was like, "here we go again."
Mo' Mo, mo' problems,
but you've really changed.
You know, you're different.
Hold up. I got you a gift.
Ah, Church's Chicken.
Don't think I forgot
it was just your birthday.
I can't believe
you didn't throw yourself
a big party to not show up to.
Uh, I told you, really,
I'm done with that stuff.
Wow, humble, coke-free.
- Who are you?
- Oh, yeah, um...
- What?
Just, um,
remind me to destroy that disc
at, like, 2:15 after Blair
executes the trade.
I don't wanna go to jail
'cause I fell into a sex coma.
Um, why would you go to jail
if Blair's doing
this whole thing by himself?
Oh, stop talking.
Wait a minute, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn.
Did Blair convince you to use
those AASF funds after all?
Are you being serious right now?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
But he didn't convince me.
I reassessed the trade,
and we're gonna
pull the trigger.
It's worth the risk.
Why do I always
have to be the moral one?
Come on, konnichi wa, bitches.
Now come on.
Are we doing this or not?
Dawn, I told you to trust me.
And why the fuck
would I do that, huh?
After all the times that you
fucked me over in the past?
Here I am trying
to throw you a bone,
and you're bitching
about a trade?
You're throwing me a bone?
Bruh, I'm trying
to christen the server room.
I...
- Sorry, I...
- Really?
Okay.
Locked? Damn it!
Oh, fuck the keypad.
Four-digit code?
How many combos can there be?
One, one, one, one. Ugh.
One, one, one, two.
Uh...
Okay, ah, uh.
Whoa, what the hell?
Hey, I was just
looking for you, boo.
Get it... boo?
Ha-ha-ha.
Shouldn't you be
in the server room
so you can grab the disc?
Oh, uh, turns out I was wrong.
No trade going down tonight,
so you guys can go.
- Good job anyway.
- Really?
So Blair's not shorting the yen
based on insider information?
How'd you know that?
We planted that bullshit
on the Congressman
knowing Blair
would take the bait
Tonight's our best shot
to grab Blair by the balls
or we might just have to shift
our focus to Dawn.
I told you, okay?
There's nothing there.
Why don't you have Keith do it?
I know he's working
for you guys too.
What?
Keith's working
for Larry Leighman.
Now go get me evidence
of Blair making that trade
or it's Dawn's ass.
Why you bald-headed,
roller blading,
coke addict motherfucker.
♪ In the ghetto ♪
♪ Stop, point, freeze now ♪
♪ Come on,
get tough on the street ♪
♪ Get tough with the gang ♪
♪ Watch your back,
it's a hardcore thing ♪
♪ In the ghetto ♪
♪ There's no surprise... ♪
All right, look, Keith,
let's let bygones
be bygones, okay?
Why are you talking to a plant?
Oh.
Look, let's let bygones
be bygones, okay?
I want to let you in
on a top secret trade.
Ooh, feed me. I'm all ears.
Larry, it's Keith.
Short the yen right now, okay?
Reagan's dropping
major tariffs on Japan.
Hit it big,
and you'll suck up
all the profit
and fuck over TBD
in the process. Trust me.
You done good, Keithy.
- You done good.
Oh, Tiff,
I had fun with you tonight.
- I did.
- Me too, Corkie.
You're fun, Corks.
- Yeah. I gotta get up, - Ugh.
- I feel a little dizzy.
- Me too.
I feel a little dizzy.
Ugh, okay.
We gotta get up.
- Careful.
- Oh, boy.
Are those Skants?
Skirt on the outside,
pants on the underside?
Oh, yes,
but we call them "pirts."
Very popular with all
of my Evangelical friends.
The comfort of pants
with none of the harlotry.
I thought nobody liked those.
I mean, you know,
I have pallets and pallets.
I don't know what
to do with 'em.
'Cause they're all that's left
of my family business.
Hey...
No, sorry to bring
the mood down.
- No, you're okay.
- It's been hard.
Oh, wow. It sure has, hasn't it?
It's just been a hard time.
You know?
- I just had an idea.
- What?
You know, business isn't
just for the guys anymore.
- We should do lady business.
- Ooh.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
Y-you meant actual business.
Misread that.
You know what? Yes, I'm in.
To lady business!
- No.
- Okay.
- I just love to...
- Fuck.
I was gonna say,
"lie here with you,"
- but that too.
- Something wrong?
- What the...
No, I was just gonna make
a trade in a couple minutes.
But it's already somehow
moving against me.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
We're stuck in here
for 17 minutes?
What the fuck?
What trade were you
trying to make?
Uh, just, like,
you know, stocks.
Wayne, buddy,
you are not gonna believe this,
but this beautiful woman
is dying to meet you.
Wayne Lapotka?
I've been wanting
to talk to you all night.
Is this happening?
After all the promises
my ex-wife broke
and all the computers I broke
trying to Weird Science
a replacement for her,
it made me turn on women.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe women aren't the enemy.
You've been served.
Did Just For Men serve
you for stealing their name.
- God damn it.
- Oh, my God!
As long as we're stuck in here,
I've been dying to show you
the new commercial.
Great.
During Roger Harris' first
term in Congress, he chaired
the House Ethics Committee,
coined the term...
I'm sorry... remind me why
this was $3 million?
Those Star Wars guys take
star wipes very seriously.
And that VO is just temp,
but we're out to Scott Baio.
- Cool.
- Yeah?
Huh?
I'm Roger Harris,
and I'm running for Congress.
- Looks great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it looks really great.
- Mmm.
Scott Baio.
What'd you do, Mo? Hm?
Did you leak our trade?
Huh, sounds like you
didn't get in on time.
- What the fuck did you do?
- I saved your ass, Dawn.
That trade's gonna blow up as
soon as the U.S. market's open.
Now, if you're smart,
you get on the other side
and buy the yen right now
before the Nikkei closes.
I don't need you to save my ass.
I don't need anyone's
fucking help.
I came up with Black Monday!
The whole thing...
It was my idea!
- Dawn Darcy!
- Okay, listen.
You may want to stop
screaming that shit.
And you might wanna stop
telling me
what to stop screaming.
- Hm?
- Yeah, that's it.
Okay, look, will you
just trust me please?
If you want me to trust you,
then do something
that's trustworthy for once.
I just did,
An odd rumor swept
across Wall Street last night
driving the yen
through the floor...
Quickly disproven
at the opening bell.
- The Japanese currency
immediately shot
through the roof,
already higher
than yesterday's close.
You fucked us. You fucked us.
We lost millions. I knew it.
Ugh, you're still working
with Mo
and those little devils,
aren't you?
Whoa, whoa,
Mo fucked us both again,
but it's gonna be
worth it, okay?
'Cause I got enough information
last night to fuck everybody.
You'd be surprised how people
let their guard down
in front of the houseplant.
It's the exact kind of huge shit
that you've been looking for
so you can leverage Blair
into a confession.
I came up with Black Monday! Me!
It was my idea!
Hey, hey, what the fuck, man?
I'm a person.
My bad, my bad.
Trust me, I got this.
You better. You fucking better.
Otherwise I'm sending you
back to the big house
and your wife to the poor house
and me to the fucking
House of Pancakes.
I'm bad off the dribble. Fuck.
- Fuck.
And the yen continues
its historic rise.
- I know what you did.
- What?
You found out Dawn
was gonna be a part
of Blair's illegal trade,
so you used Keith to tip off
the rest of the street so they
couldn't get in in time.
What makes you think that?
'Cause not only did they
not get short,
somehow, Dawn had
the brilliant idea to get long.
Almost as if someone told her
the trade would blow up
at the bell.
Huh.
Your girlfriend
just made $9 million.
And wouldn't you know...
It happens to be
a totally legal trade.
Wow, that's amazing,
but I still don't know
what you're talking about, boss.
And I don't know what you
smiling about, motherfucker,
'cause this changes everything.
Our deal is fucking off.
How is our deal fucking off?
For some shit that I didn't...
Hey, Mo.
Oh, Dede. Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I didn't realize...
- No, no, no, it's not...
- No, no, no, no, no.
I told you.
Don't worry about it.
- She'll understand, baby.
- Uh, yeah.
No, I'm really happy
for you guys.
Ooh, Lord,
what the hell was in that punch?
I ain't black out like that
since I crossed Alpha Gamma Psi.
- You know!
Y'all Wall Street people
know how to party.
Hey, Marcus, you know what?
I actually... I would really like
to go on that date.
- Did I ask you out on a date?
- Yes.
Ooh, dope.
You know what?
I just had the best idea.
Double date.
Yeah, I mean, Dawn, there is so
much I want to learn about you.
Great.
- Great.
- Great.
Yeah, great.
This means war.