Billy Dilley's Super-Duper Subterranean Summer (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Mushroom Prince/Count Wretcher - full transcript

Do do do do doo do

Do do do do doo

Billy Dilley, we're subterranean

Billy Dilley, you're such a brainy kid

Billy Dilley, it's fascinating how

Billy Dilley, it's complicated now

Billy Dilley, situation critical

Billy Dilley, I hope it's fixable

Okay. Whoa!

Billy Dilley,

Billy Dilley



We now return to Cheez Cop.

- Hey, we were watching that.
- This had better be important.

Don't you mean
this had cheddar be important?

Swiss had cheddar be important?

- Swiss had cheddar Brie important?
- Guys, it's only the most exciting news

- this summer.
- Color me intrigued.

I, Marsha,
am pleased to announce...

I am hereby resuming
my journalistic career.

I didn't know you had
a journalistic career.

Don't you remember, guys?
I was an ace reporter

for Gumbert Johnson Middle School.

I've decided to start up
my own newspaper,

the Subterranea-Tania Times.
Cute and catchy, don't you think?

Now all I need is a cute and catchy story
for the front page. Any ideas?



Ooh, Marsha, Marsha! Marsha!

- Go ahead, Billy.
- I've got a super subterranean story

for you that you are just going to love.

Come on. Are you ready
to have your socks knocked off?

Behold. The mushroom patch.

Do you love it?

- It's fungus.
- You're telling me.

There's pink ones, yellow ones, puce ones,
clear ones, violet ones.

- Pesky woozies. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo!
- Are these woozies out here every day?

As a matter of fact, they are.

To tell you the truth,
they're kind of driving me crazy.

Come on. I think they're kinda cute.

What's that?

No! That's definitely going
in the gossip column.

Oops! No, I shouldn't.

What's that you're writing
in your journal, Marsha?

That's nothing.

A mystery. Marsha, wait!

- Is it about the mushrooms?
- Not exactly.

- Then it's something about the woozies.
- Never mind, Billy.

Not the mushrooms, not the woozies.

- Was it something about me?
- It's private, Billy.

It's for me to know,
and for you to never find out.

Why? Is it a secret?
Why can't you just tell me? Why?

Billy, don't mess with the press.

She could've written anything
in that journal.

She could've written about me,
or the mushrooms,

or me and the mushrooms,
or me and the woozies,

or just the woozies,
or me and the mushrooms...

Anaximander, if I don't read
what Marsha wrote

in her journal, and soon,
my curiosity will consume me,

growing and growing, till I'm nothing

but a big brain-shaped question mark.

Wandering the night, forever curious.

But Marsha's never gonna
let me read that journal.

I'm gonna have to take matters
and the journal,

into my own hands.

- Great. To begin my reading.
- I'll take that.

Remember to brush in quadrants, Zeke.

I am a hungry...
...baby stalagmite.

My doctor says I can only eat journals,

like that one.

Here you go. Take it.

All right, Billy. If you want my journal,
then you'll get it.

I'll never read that journal.
No! I can feel it happening.

I'll be a giant question-mark shaped brain
in no time.

Hey, Zeke, wanna come outside
with me?

Sure, Marsha.
Only let's not bring anything with us.

Not even my reporter's journal?

Let's leave it home this time
for no apparent reason.

"For Marsha's eyes only.
If you aren't Marsha, stop reading."

Not sure what she meant by that.
Better keep reading.

"I can't believe what I found out today.
My lab friend is royalty."

Royalty? "The woozies
have bestowed upon him

"the ancient crown of the mushrooms.

"If he only knew
that he is Prince Billy Dilley,

"guardian of the mushroom patch."

I never could've dreamed of reading
something this astounding in here.

Well, I guess I do know my way
around a mushroom patch.

Make way for the mushroom prince.

Well, Marsha,
aren't you gonna say something?

My eyes are down here.

What? I guess
you finally read my journal.

As mushroom prince, it is my royal right
to read whatsoever as I wish. Amen.

No, no, you're right.
A prince is a prince, after all.

Perhaps a royal parade
to the mushroom patch in your honor.

Well, if you insist.

Hark.

Dude, I have come to demand the crown
of the mushroom prince.

That's fascinat... What?
Why do you want it?

That crown no longer belongs
to you, Billy.

I'm afraid you're mistaken.
Sporling, the royal journal.

Yes, my liege.

"And it is foretold
that the woozies have decreed

"Billy Dilley, prince of the mushrooms."
Sorry, Zeke. Read it and weep.

My prince,
turn the page. There's more.

More? "However, Billy must never learn
he's been made mushroom prince,

"because if he ever discovers the truth,
say by stealing this journal,

"and reading it without permission,
the magic that made him prince

"would be broken"?

I broke the magic!

"And then,
Zeke will be made his replacement."

- I'll take that crown.
- But you don't even like mushrooms!

Usurper!

Billy, calm down.
I made the whole thing up.

- It's a prank, Billy.
- But you hate pranks.

I hate pranks on me. I love pranks on you.

- This is treachery of the highest order.
- You wanna talk treachery?

I told you, what I wrote in my journal
was private,

- but you just had to read it.
- I wouldn't have read it at all

if you'd just told me
what the woozies said.

But no, you had to keep it a secret.
Marsha's secret story.

I was going to put it
in the gossip column,

but it would've been
too embarrassing for you.

- Embarrassing? Why?
- Okay, you really wanna know?

The woozies said
you smell like garbage.

Garbage? You must mean
my woozie repellent.

- Woozie repellent?
- Woozie repellent?

I've been experimenting with a new batch.

"Contains egg shells, banana peels,
fish heads, missing left socks,

"and orange rinds
for a little citrus zing."

Not quite garbage,
but I can see why you might think that.

I absolutely drenched myself
with it yesterday.

Which reminds me,
we can all probably use some right now.

The woozies can't be far off.

What the... Shoo!

Hey!

What the...

We gotta get outta here.

Don't run off, guys.

You probably just need
more woozie repellent..

Wait for me!

Hey, Billy, I'm starting to think
that woozie repellent of yours

has the opposite of the desired effect.

"Woozie love. The best woozie bait
in the whole world"?

Hey, you're right, Zeke.

I must've affixed the label
to the wrong can.

- The wrong can?
- The wrong can?

Fascinating. We appear to be stuck tight
to a thick coating

of gelatinous mushroom sap.

Speaking of sap, Marsha, I'm sorry
I read your private journal.

- I really shouldn't have.
- I'm sorry, too, Billy.

I guess we both went too far.

- Lab friends?
- Lab friends.

- Lab friends, Zeke?
- More like log friends.

Billy, for what it's worth,

I think you would've made
a good mushroom prince.

Good mushroom prince?

I would've made

the most super-duperest
mushroom prince ever.

You know, if there really was such a thing
as a mushroom prince.

Of course, there's such a thing,
you nitwits.

Who are you?

- I am the real mushroom prince.
- What are you gonna do to prove it?

Are you gonna twirl
that little mushroom thingy

with the bells on it?

Exactly.

For being a real mushroom prince,
he's not much of a fun guy.

- Here you go, hot off the press.
- Captivating.

Now that's what I call food for thought.
Sorry. We're all sold out.

- Aw!
- Aw!

Wow, Marsha, sounds like your first issue
was a real hit.

Thanks, Billy. Next time,
I might even print more than one copy.

Yeah, you know, Marsha,
now that the mushroom prince's curse

is all worn off, I think
I might be starting to miss it.

Speak for yourself.

Butterfly.

Hey, what do you think
you're doing?

- Who's there?
- Up here, you ninny!

Hi! Didn't see you there at first.

My name is Billy Dilley. What's yours?

Wretcher. Count Wretcher.
That's my sludge you're trespassing upon.

Fascinating. Sorry, sir. I didn't realize

that sludge could belong to anybody.

I invented it.

Now skedaddle, you... you...
you miscreant.

Gadzooks! Thurston!

- Find out what that blasted commotion is.
- Right away, Count Wretcher, sir.

It would appear that a red tumbleweed
is at the door, sir.

Thurston, I don't have time for your...
What in blazes?

- So do you have a lab partner already?
- You again? So,

you'd like to learn more about my sludge,
would you?

- I sure would.
- Here's a free sample.

Why does nothing work?

Fascinating. Sir. That's... Pfft.

Get out.

Sorry. I was just excited
to meet a fellow inventor.

I've never had a friend like that
up in the surface world.

Surface world? Tell me more.

It's a vast land with huge cities
full of people, beautiful forests,

gigantic shopping malls.

It's perfect. This naive little
surface-dwelling simpleton

bumbled into my life
at just the right moment

to help me realize my master plan,
to travel to the Earth's surface,

and suffocate it
in my patented toxic sludge!

- Raymond Wretcher!
- Yes, Mother.

You're not playing around

with that horrible, dirty slime again,
are you?

- Of course not, Mumsy.
- Don't you back sass me.

You know very well
that you are not to take your slime

- beyond the confines of this yard.
- I know, Mummy, I know.

- Promise me, Raymond.
- Fine. I promise.

Are you satisfied?

And it's not slime. It's sludge!

And on Third Street,
there's this big vacant lot

- where you can...
- Splendid! Splendid, splendid.

So, by what means exactly
did you manage to find your way here

from this surface world of yours,

and can it take us back?

Yeah, we came here
in the Cheeserator.

What's it now?

So, what do you think?

We shall leave immediately!

All right! Except we can't.

- Come again.
- The Cheeserator, it's broken.

That's why we're still here.

- What is, Billy?
- Ew. What's this?

Guys, meet my new best friend.
Count Wretcher.

Well, hello. Any friend of...
what was your name again?

- Billy.
- Billy, is a friend of mine.

- Yeah, I don't trust him.
- Nope.

Candy?

So, what do we need
in order to fix this behemoth?

Just a few different parts
and materials.

We'll go out
and gather the things together,

like real partners.

The first thing we're gonna need
is a fresh cup of lava.

All you have to do
is quickly screw on the cap

before the nutrients escape.

I think I can handle that.!

We need lava fresh from the source.

This is madness.

My extendo-grabber
will be right there with you.

Billy, crank faster.

- Ready with the cap. Over.
- Okay.

Got it, Count. Row on back.

- Right. There's no oars.
- Whoops. Hang tight.

Okay, on the count of 20.

- One, two...
- Just throw it, you fool!

Billy!

Help me, you numbskull.

Success. Come on, partner.

What in blazes
are these miserable beasts?

They are the mighty
Emperor Penguonodon!

In order to fix the Cheeserator,

you need to sneak up to the alpha male,

and harvest the mucus icicle
from his beak.

- Why can't you?
- Because I'm not tall enough.

Of all the ridiculous,
demeaning things I've ever...

Hmph.

- He did it.
- I did it!

- That was amazing!
- Indeed it was, lad.

The stuff of legends. Victory is...

I think that'll be more
than enough Penguonodon mucus,

Count Wretcher.

Sweet dreams, Penguonodons.

Now to combine the materials we gathered
into this tumbler,

and we're in business.

I thought you said
we needed a few materials.

- That was only a couple.
- Yeah. We also needed your left sock.

What? Why bother asking?

Oaky, with a hint of Brie. No, Limburger.

- We did it, Count.
- To the surface world!

- Did someone say surface world?
- Hey, guys. You're just in time.

Is it true, Billy?
Are we really going home?

- Well...
- Candy!

- Candy!
- Goodness, no time for chit-chat.

- Work your magic, my boy.
- Okay, Count.

If I can pull this off,

the Cheeserator will get
a whole new lease on life.

And...

Ta-da! Best ukulele glue in the world.

Ukulele glue?

Well, yeah. I mean,
we gotta start the repairs somewhere.

Balderdash! I'm using this to get
to the surface world,

one way or another!
Surface world, here I come!

If he thinks that ball of goo
he just threw in the fuel tank

is gonna start the engine, he's...

- Cheeserator on.
- ...absolutely right.

I can finally complete
my life's mission.

To travel the Earth's surface
and cover it with sludge,

laying waste to the entire surface world.

And you, you will all be covered in it
as well.

You were saying?

Probably should get going now.
We should, do this again sometime.

Or whatever. Love this crazy thing.

What the...

New target acquired.
Count Wretcher.

What? That's me! Not good. Not good!

No! The Cheeserator

has mistaken Count Wretcher
for a piece of cheese.

Oaky, with a hint of Brie.
No, Limburger.

And the Cheeserator is set on drilling him
full of cheese holes.

I can't just sit here and watch my partner
get drilled with holes

and then crushed under the Cheeserator.

The Count's castle. That's it.

Don't worry, Count.

I got an idea.

This is it.

Billy! Shoot the Cheeserator!

I'm on it, Count.

Whoa!

Nice knowing you, tumbleweed.

Limburger not found...

- The Cheeserator stopped.
- What is that smell?

Sludge.

The sludge masked the Limburger smell
that was causing the Cheeserator

to target Count Wretcher.

So Count Wretcher's toxic sludge
saved our lives.

And that is precisely
why I want to share my sludge

with the surface world.

You said you wanted to cover
every single inch of the world with it.

- Including us!
- Well... in that instance,

- sludge was just a metaphor for love.
- Still don't trust him.

- Nope.
- But you, Billy,

you still trust me. Don't you, Billy?

Absolutely!

- Raymond!
- Yes, Mother?

It is past your bedtime, young man.

- Coming, Mother.
- Welcome home, Count Wretcher.

Not now, Thurston. Not now.

I said you've got the wrong number

For the right guy

I'll do the job for you

Just pay the price

Run, run, run away

Baby, stick to the plan
Whoo whoo

Run, run, run away

Catch me if you can