Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 4, Episode 9 - Big Time Tests - full transcript

Results of the MCATs (Medical College Admission Tests) upends Logan's world when Carlos scores higher. With Lucy away on tour, Kendall helps James take a bad boyfriend test from a teen magazine, which in itself tests their friendship, so James has them take a Besties test. Needing volunteers, Arthur summons Kelly, Katie and Gustavo to test his latest products at Rocque Records.

- Dogs, I have summoned you here
- for something

That I literally cannot believe.

- Wait, I thought you said
- you had good news.

- Pretty sure you said that. - That sounds bad.
- You called us here.

- Right, wrong music.

Kelly!

- Oops, my bad.

- Oh, that's better.
- Jaunty.

- Music does set the mood.

- Okay, we have been approached
- by two huge companies

That are interested in expanding



the b.T.R. Brand even further.

All: Ooh.

Big time rush gets

their very own cartoon!

All: Cartoon, cartoon!

- Or b.T.R. Gets

its very own video game!

All: Video game, video game!

- Okay, just so you know,

the video game will require

physically challenging

and probably chafing

motion capture sessions.

- Uh, yeah.
- Cool.



- Also we'll have to cancel

your concert in Hawaii with the

private jet.

- Uh...
- Oh.

- Plus, you got to wear

these green ball suits.

All: Cartoon, cartoon!

- ♪ Make it count,

play it straight ♪

- ♪ don't look back,
- don't hesitate ♪

- ♪ what you want,
- what you feel ♪

- ♪ never quit
- and make it real ♪

♪ If you want it all,

lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ♪

- Gang, allow me

to introduce to you

- the creative genius behind
- the fairly oddparents

And hopefully

your big time cartoon,

Mr. Butch hartman.

- Hi, I'm butch hartman.

Fellas, big time cartoon

is just like the story

of big time rush.

- Cool.

- Wow.

- Check it out!

- Huh.

- It's a story about a boy band

who sings and fights crime

with magical shoes.

- Oh, magical shoes.

- They're not really magical.

- See, it's the magical shoes

that you guys found in a cave

- that give you the magical power
- of dance fu.

- Cool.
- Check that out.

- Huh.

- Before you say yes,

check out the theme song.

- ♪ There was a band
- named big time ♪

- ♪ they got into
- a super crime fighting groove ♪

- Okay, cool tune.

- It's a real tune.

- It's a super catchy tune.

- Who wrote it?

- Or, you know, maybe there's
- a story you guys want to tell.

- Perhaps an adventure
- you were on,

Something really fun?

- Just tell butch what you want,

because we want to be in the

big time rush cartoon business.

- Um...
- Yeah.

I think we want

to think about it.

- Think it out, brainstorm.

- All right, great, guys.
- Thanks very much.

- Okay, we'll see you out there,
- big guy.

- Dance fu, okay, all right.

Later, guys.

- So we do the video game.
- Yep.

- But I'm keeping the shoes.

- This is our chance
- to bonk cosmo on the head

So he gets his memory back.

- What's a cosmo?

- Would you like to sit

on the couch and watch?

- Oh, no, I do wish

I was a fairy, though.

- Who wants ham?
- Poof!

- Poof!

- Who wants regularity?
- Poof!

- I wish you would change
- that lightbulb

And then unclog my sink.

Poof.

- Wait a minute.
- It's all coming back to me.

I'm not a weenie.

I'm a...

I'm a fairy,

and my name is cosmo.

- He hit his head.

Oh.

Are you okay?

- Of course I'm okay.

I'm cosmo.

- Oh, no.

- And I'm here

to Grant your wishes.

Sinky uncloggy, poof!

It worked.

I'm off to Grant more wishes.

- Okay, we have to save him.

- Why?

He granted

my "sink unclog" wish.

I mean, we got to go save him.

- Coming up on the news at noon,

- more on those strange lights
- over L.A.

Was it a movie crew

in the Hollywood Hills

or an alien invasion?

Details coming up.

- Okay, let's make a video game.

- Is it too late
- to do the cartoon?

- We are the lizardians.

Take me to your leader.

- These are not funny

and take off those shoes.

- Never.

- Hey, and why is it
- so cold in here?

- Because if this equipment

gets too hot,

- it could overheat and short out
- the power in the studio.

- Like it just did.

Okay, dogs, take five and let

the geeks do their geek thing.

- Don't go too far!

- Oh, heat.
- Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

- Whoa, so much better.

- Now, to take over this planet
- of the yellow sun.

- Girl alert, pose number nine.

Forgot about the suits.

- Oh.

- Okay, let's go back inside
- and get this over with.

- It's locked.

- And our communication devices

are inside.

- Stop.

- I've got this.

Magical shoes, do your thing.

Oh!

- Oh, oh, uh...

- Okay, we'll go
- around the front.

- The main street entrance?

We can't be seen in these.

- Well, we can't take them off.

We're not wearing underwear.

- Mmm, kendar has good point,
- jayzar.

Don't worry.

- These magical shoes will lead us
- safely back inside.

Let's go.

- You will be our ape servants.

- Go, go!

- Paparazzi.

The dumpster, in the dumpster!

- These earth
- waste receptacles smell.

Ow.

- Pictures of us looking
- like this cannot get out.

- Let's hope nobody saw us.

- And L.A.'s alien scare
- continues

With this shocking footage

from downtown.

- Witnesses who shot
- the footage said

The four invaders are here

to turn us all

into their ape servants.

- Okay, he's not in his closet,
- and he's not at the park.

- Well, he can't just disappear.

- Poof!

- I'm cosmo.

Yay me!

- Okay, what do we do?

- Do we hit him over the head
- with a frying pan

- And whack him back
- to Buddha Bob?

- No, we'll just play along,

and then he'll realize

he's not really a magic fairy

and remember he's a janitor.

- What is your wish?

- Okay, um...

- I wish you'd get rid
- of the obnoxious tuba player

In the apartment above us.

- Poof!

- See, you're not a...

You'll never believe it.

I just got a job

with the Guam philharmonic.

Good-bye, palm woods.

- I'm calling doc Hollywood.

- Wait, he grants wishes.

- What?

That's not a wish.

- That's a coincidence
- with talcum powder,

And he needs help.

- Ooh, earwax makes

a squishy noise.

- Yes, but it came true, and...

- We're hungry,
- and we wish for food.

- Poof!

- Hey, so the guys packed
- an extra pie for a pool order.

Want a free one?

- Yay magical pizza.

Poof!

- I'm still calling
- doc Hollywood.

- Poof!
- No, he grants wishes!

- He needs help.
- No, don't...

- Poof!
- But he granted...

- Okay, let's check and see
- if the paparazzi are gone.

- Uh, yeah,

the paparazzi are gone.

- People of earth,

we are here to...

Whoa.

Um...

Okay, what is going on?

- Look.

- More on the lockdown downtown

- as federal authorities
- investigate

The close encounter sighting.

This just in:

- Our news copter
- has spotted the aliens,

And we are

taking you there live.

- Doop!

- There are aliens downtown,

and they have green

and white skin like us,

- and they're at
- a big buy like us.

Ha...

Oh.

- Great, either big time rush
- gets arrested

For causing a citywide panic,

or we get probed.

- Okay, calm down.

- We have gotten out
- of a lot worse than this,

And what is that?

- Looks like some sort
- of federal authorities

Are arriving on the scene.

It is a tense standoff.

- Aliens, we mean you no harm...

- Unless you mean us harm.

- Then we'll be forced to use
- our transformation lasers.

- Yeah, it's never been
- worse than this.

- We should have done

the cartoon.

- You can come along peacefully,

but we prefer

to take you by force.

- You have five earth seconds
- to decide.

- What are you doing?

- Follow the shoes.

- They're fast.

- We'll catch them.

- Where are we going?
- And don't say, "dumpster."

- Dumpsters have been
- very good to us.

- Hey, look.

I got my wings.

- I don't like this.

I want to change cosmo Bob

back into Buddha Bob.

- Ooh.

- Why?

Since Buddha Bob became a fairy,

my sink got unclogged,

he got rid of tuba guy,

poofed us up a free lunch

and me a faux fur coat.

- Not wishes, coincidences.

- That jacket
- was delivered to 2-j,

But it was addressed

to Rebecca Johnson.

- But I wished for it.

Besides, he's not

a danger to anyone.

- So there's no reason
- to call doc Hollywood.

See?

- Wait.
- Where is he?

- Whee!

Look, with my wings, I can fly.

- Okay, you can call

doc Hollywood.

- I wish you were off the roof

and in the lobby.

- Okay, poof!

- You know, I've seen some cases
- like this before.

- The psychosis can be permanent
- if not treated correctly.

- He's dreamy,

but I don't like him.

- I wish you would like him.

- Okay, I like him.

- And as with

any other cartoon head injury,

the cure can be complicated.

- Are you serious?

Did it work?

- Sorry, guys,

- but my boss says I have
- to charge you for the pizza.

- And is that the jacket
- I ordered?

The Guam philharmonic folded

due to lack of funds,

and I'm back, everyone.

- Yup, Buddha Bob is back.

- Who's Buddha Bob?

Here's the plan:

Logan comes up with a plan.

- O-Okay.

First, we pray.

- Then we make a break
- for rocque records,

Burn these ball suits,

- and then make some
- story suggestions for butch,

And then do the cartoon.

- Nice.

Run!

Let's do the other way.

- Yeah.
- Go, go, go, go.

- Yep, yep.
- Go, go, go, go.

- Oh!

- We are so probed.

- No!

It's locked.

- Why does that not surprise me?

- We'd say we're sorry
- it had to come to this,

But we're not.

- And now we got
- to take you down.

- What are you doing?

- It looks like they're trying

to communicate through dance.

- They're good.

- We've still got
- to take them down.

- It's the shoes...

That give you...

Dance fu!

- Huh, those are magical shoes.

- But they can't be
- in the cartoon.

- Okay, great, but there's still
- an alien hunt out for us.

- And the dumpster is not
- gonna help us this time.

- But wait.

- Told you dumpsters
- have been good to us.

- I never thought I'd say this,
- but...

We look good.

- Okay, let's do the cartoon.

- Fellas, we can't tell you

how much we loved

all your awesome big time

cartoon story suggestions.

- But how did you
- think of them so fast?

- It's a long story.

- Well, listen, I put all
- the ideas into the cartoon,

- And, Carlos, even better
- than magical shoes...

- I gave you a cute pig
- named snort snort.

All: So how's it start?

- Picture this.

- You're on your tour plane
- in a storm.

And then...

- Why did we have to take a tour

plane to a concert in Australia?

- Why couldn't we take
- a tour submarine instead?

- Because Carlos

is afraid of water.

- Did somebody say, "water"?

- Uh, did somebody say,
- "weird lightning"?

- Something just short-circuited
- the control panels.

Hold tight, teens, and

take your emergency positions.

- Hang on, snort snort.

It's gonna be a bumpy landing.

- I can't get a signal.

- I'll leave you teens alone
- and unprotected

- While I radio for help atop
- that tall, scary peak.

- Great, now we're stuck alone

on a weird and deserted island.

- Deserted?

Awesome!

- Me and snort snort
- haven't had dessert

Since we got off the plane.

This island tastes terrible.

- This is bad.

Our concert is in three hours,

- and Gustavo is going to freak
- if we're late.

We're stuck in a net?

- Something tells me
- this island isn't deserted.

You can say that again.

- Who are you,

and what do you want?

- We are the lizardians,

and we've come to your planet

to turn the people of earth

into our ape servants

like our first test subject

after we forced your plane

to land on this deserted island.

- I think that's our pilot.

- I am your ape servant.

I am here to serve you...

Apely.

- That was our pilot.

- Once we successfully test

our DNA super mutation laser

on all of you,

we'll turn all earthlings

into our ape servants.

- Okay, can we talk about this?

- 'Cause I don't think
- I'd look good as an ape.

- And as a matter of fact,
- I was just...

- you know, he's right.

- That is the worst looking ape
- I've ever seen.

- No, no, he's supposed

to be an ape man.

What?

- Whose cup is this?

I said, "no beverages

in the command center."

I want ape servants!

Donkey servants are just stupid.

Lock them away.

- We have to fix this laser
- at once.

- And we have

to destroy that laser

- before those lizard creeps
- take over our world.

- Okay, can we talk about me
- for a second?

'Cause I'm a donkey.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, all we have to do is

- defeat an advanced
- alien lizard race

With huge alien lizard weapons,

work their giant mutating laser,

oh, and get out of this cell,

which we can't!

- Okay, we can't,

but you forgot about...

- Snort snort.

- Go get them, snort snort!

- Way to go, snort snort.

- Okay, but what do we do now?

- We have to steal

that heart-shaped reactor.

- Yeah, it must be

what drives the laser.

- Only after you change me back.

- And we have to control

James' donkey noises.

- The earth teens have escaped.

Get them.

- Okay, and now we move!

♪ Waking up from another day,

and I'm feeling so insa-ane ♪

♪ 'cause ever since

I saw your face ♪

♪ I got it tattooed

on my brain-ain-ain ♪

- ♪ what I got to do
- to get you into my life? ♪

- ♪ I could be your bad boy,
- or, baby, I could be nice ♪

- ♪ I would give you
- all the stars ♪

♪ There's a million

pretty girls all over ♪

♪ but they got nothing

on you-ou ♪

♪ been all around the world

and no one gets me like ♪

♪ baby, I thought

that you should know ♪

♪ none of the rest

are even close ♪

- ♪ there's a million
- pretty girls all over ♪

- ♪ but you know
- this song's for you-ou ♪

- ♪ now I got
- your attention, babe ♪

♪ There's some things

I need to say-ay ♪

♪ like you're the one

that I dream about ♪

- ♪ it's on my mind
- like every day-ay ♪

- ♪ did you know that you came
- and you got me like this? ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I know you're the one
- that I want to be with ♪

- ♪ you got to know
- I'd do anything ♪

- ♪ there's a million

pretty girls all over ♪

♪ but they got nothing

on you-ou ♪

♪ been all around the world

and no one gets me like ♪

♪ baby, I thought

that you should know ♪

♪ none of the rest

are even close ♪

- ♪ there's a million
- pretty girls all over ♪

♪ But you know

this song's for you-ou ♪

♪ there's a million

pretty girls all over ♪

♪ but they got nothing

on you-ou ♪

♪ been all around the world

and no one gets me like ♪

♪ baby, I thought

that you should know ♪

- ♪ none of the rest
- are even close ♪

♪ There's a million

pretty girls all over ♪

- ♪ but you know
- this song's for you-ou ♪

- ♪ what I got to do
- to get you into my life? ♪

- ♪ I could be your bad boy,
- or, baby, I could be nice ♪

- ♪ I would give you
- all the stars ♪

- ♪ got my head up in the clouds
- and I'm walking on air ♪

- ♪ want you all to myself
- and I don't want to share ♪

- ♪ where you want to go?
- 'Cause I'm taking you there ♪

- Well, thanks to you

singing teens,

the earth is saved,

- and the lizardians can spend
- the rest of their time

At the local zoo.

- We will conquer your world!

This is not over.

I will get you, big time rush!

- But unfortunately,

- I won't be able to get our plane
- fixed in time for your concert.

All: What?

- But we can't let
- our fans down.

- Well, there is one way
- we could fly there in time.

- Snort snort.

- ♪ Step it up,
- get in gear ♪

- ♪ go for broke,
- make it clear ♪

- ♪ make it work,
- get it right ♪

♪ Go and make your luck

with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all,

lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ♪