Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 7 - Big Time Pranks - full transcript

*** is about

173 years ***
at the Californian bananas.

Gotta go.

And for dessert...

I thought we could...

Maybe next time.

It's time, it's time James.

It's so time, it's so time!

Gentlemen, it's time

to find out who will be crowned the next

*** King Lord of...



... the Pranks.

♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

♪ where you go big time ♪

♪ what you know, what you feel ♪

♪ never quitin', make it real ♪

♪ when you're going big time ♪

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪

♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

# oh-oh, oh-oh #
- # hey, hey #

♪ go and shake it up ♪

♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪

♪ go and make your luck ♪



♪ with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all,
lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got
so you got to live it ♪

♪ big time ♪

The time of pranks is upon us.

And as last year's Victor,

I must now let all you
competitors challenge me,

for the crown.

It seems like it was just yesterday
that we made that crown in our class.

The rules are simple.

If ye is pranked ye is out.

The last man who is unprinked
becomes the Lord High King,

and wins the crown.

And this is I am playing.

Playing?

Katie, this isn't a game.

You're too young and too girl.

And no girls shall play

so said Lord Prankerton's book of Ruin.

You guys made this *** in middle school.

And that is a picture
of Sir Walter Raleigh.

♪♪♪

Katie, this competition is very ugly

and if you get hurt mom will kill me.

This is not over.

Very well.

Each competitor gets
two hours to prepare.

For the pranking commencing at...

noon.

You know what? You guys go ahead.

I got to call my grandma.

And by my grandma I mean
I will be lord of the pranks.

The guys are late,

and they're not picking up
their cell phones.

That's because I gave them
the day off for pranking.

What? We've got a ton of work to do.

Kelly, pranks are a rite of pass,
for the young male.

Really?

I can't wait to hear
the rest of the story.

Fine. Now, please be useful,

and get me sugar to put in my coffee.

Thank you.

Sugar packet pile on.
And Gustavo *** classic.

You got pranked.

When the guys return at noon
they'll seek refreshment.

They'll see my free smoothies.

What they don't know
is that in each smoothie

is a balloon with 120 pounds

of pure nitrous oxide pressure.

Then they'll pick up the niddle ***,

push the straw down into
the smoothie, and then boom

the crown will be mine.

Is that about that the stupid crown
you guys made in middle school.

I can't see.

I can't see.

Come on, I'll take you to the doctor.

Bear suit, interesting.
- The crown will be mine.

What's this about girls not
being good at pranks?

Never said that,

I just said it could be ugly
and girls could get hurt.

So you think girls are not *** guys.

Have you seen the bear
standing next to me?

This competition gets scary.

Sounds to me like you guys are scared to
get your butts beat by a bunch of girls.

Wait, what?

10 against 4?

And that's fair?

We're in.

1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8

We are still one short.

I'm in, too.

What?

I don't like you,

but I have to defend my gender.

So be it.

As reigning so High King Lord
of the pranks,

I know declare this is

Mega Pranking Edition.

Bug out.

Laces *** together.

Classic.

So that's three boys down...

... and three to go.

Change of plans.

We layoff each other until
we prank all the girls.

Yes, an alliance.

So, as agreed, we eliminate the girls,

then the other guys
until it's just the four of us.

Make that three.

Looks like Logan pranked
himself again this year.

Yep.

There, all better.

Everything looks pink.

I'm a doctor, I can fix this.

Now everything is blue.

What color do you want?

I don't know... all of them.

There we go. That's better.

Okay.

Bye.

Aren't you going to prescribe me
some saline drops to soothe

my itchy and irritated eyes.

Logan have you thought
of becoming a doctor?

Because you look and talk
like a doctor.

Oh, he's always wanted to be a doctor.

♪♪♪

Did you know that the daily 20-minute walk
increases weight lost?

♪♪♪

We have first-degree rug burns.

I've got just the thing.

No.

Just untie them and give them some
topical cream for the abrasions.

Yeah that will work too.

Kelly, Griffin is coming
to get these contracts.

Where is my pen?

It should be right here in your drawer.

Well played.

Let's end it now while it's even.

Agreed.

Here at the *** global net ***
we have a strict no pranking policy.

Can't understand you Gustavo
because your mouth is taped shut.

Which is why I'm going to stay here,
and help you stopping your pranking ways.

Lip balm.

Free lip labels samples?

Free samples.

I love lip balm.

Oh, did someone put fake
labels on glue sticks?

Yeah, non-toxic, of course.

[Bracket laughing]

We warned you this would get ugly.

[laughing]

why is the third floor
covered in toilet paper?

And my butt covered in eggs?

We have no idea, Mr. Bit Sir.

Bye.

I know you're up to something.

And you got pranked.

And you got pranked.

You got p-r-a-n-k-e-d.

I think I can solve this problem.

Perfectly tuned.

Don't you think we should unwind the strings
and remove the guitar from his head?

Logan you've got the gift.

How would you like to stay
and be my assistant.

But I don't have a medical license.

♪♪♪

You are now a deputy doctor.

Code blue 621.

Hey, Mrs. Knight. Do you mind ***?

Are you kidding?
I'm in magazine heaven.

I just learned how
to give my feet a facial.

Because you have no respect
for each other's jobs,

I'm recommending the
role reversal method.

The classic ***

that teaches mutual respect.

So what I have to do all day is write
songs to the girl in it, and scream a lot.

Oh, yeah *** even known what she does.

I know this.

Mandatory...

the role reversal is now mandatory.

Fine.

I'll Gustavo.

♪♪♪

and bla bla bla...

Kelly, call all the dogs,

I have work to do.

[screaming]

Isn't this better?

♪♪♪

Thee guys get off the elevator to rush
to the appointment for shelter.

And they'll trip on the wire,

and get a face full of creamy defeat.

Boys are stupid.

♪♪♪

That is stupid.

Brilliant.
- I know.

Okay, but now,
we turn the table on them,

and then the prankers
become the prankees.

Now all we have to do is hide
and watch the show.

Got you.

Hey. We told you that
pranking was dangerous.

Well, does your lord Prankerton
allowed to make sure someone is okay?

No, he doesn't.
It's called the Logan Amendment.

Let's go.

Camille you okay?

She stopped crying.

It was my idea to sacrifice one of us

so we could take out all of you.

Yep, we're doomed.

They look so cute but they hopeless lost.

Ready?

Dogs!

I am Kelly today.

Long story.

So studio, now.

Let's use him as a shield.

Ah.

Hey, thanks for the day of the
Pranking Gustavo.

I'm Kelly.

So close.

Well, maybe it's not a total loss.

Everything sounds like pie.

I can fix this but you may
feel a small pinch.

No...

♪♪♪

Logan, I got that thing two days ago,
and I'd like to use it.

Just clean your ear with
moist cotton swabs, and

♪♪♪

Thank you.

Logan, I'm writing you a
prescription for 100 cc's

of you need to focus on becoming a doctor.

Now.

But I'm in a kind of band now.

Being a doctor is just
like being in a band.

♪♪♪

but instead of a microphone you're
holding life and death in your hands.

Think about it.

Okay. That's not thinking.

Bring me more patients.

Okay.

Okay, according to my calculations
there are six girls and five Guys left.

Us, Jett and that cutest corn chip.

Okay. Just us and Jett.

Freaking out.

♪♪♪

We've got to split up.

We are too big of a target together.

After we take out the girls I Look forward
to our manly battle together.

Good luck.

Knights of prankdom.

Move out.

Or we let Kendall prank
all the girls by himself.

While we stay low, stay unpranked.

Yeah, that's just what I was thinking.

But you forgot one thing.

I take you out and battle Kendall later
because you just fell into my *** trap.

You mean you've just fell right into my...

rope snare.

Touché old friend.

Right back at you buddy.

What's going on here?
I want answers now.

I'm not telling you.

I'm bound by lord prankerton's
code of silence.

I'll give you priority ***
reservation at the VIP party.

It was all Kendall's fault.

He's the lord and he forced us
into a prank war,

and they'll keep pranking until
there's only one left.

He pranked me.

I'm out.

Nobody messes up with my Palmwoods,
and nobody messes with me.

♪ Girl... ♪

Yeah, so the dogs
aren't available today.

See how hard my job is?

Unlike yours, which is so easy.

Where's my coffee?

This is the worst coffee ever.

Yes, it is.

But now it's song time.

Yeah! Let's hear your rocking song,

which easy to do.

♪ Girl ♪

♪ If I had you girl ♪

♪ then *** will be my girl ♪

♪ and we'd go on a date ♪

♪ *** ♪

That's the worst song
I've ever heard in my life.

[laughs]

Oh!

And you can't punch back
because I'm a girl.

No, you're not.

You're Gustavo.

Right.

Ah!

Just a bieber!

Bieber.

Hah.

[screaming]

Four down and two to go.

Looking for me?

It's the prank battle
lasts beyond 6:00 P.M.

Any devices capable of
directly applying a mess ***,

counts as a prank.

*** he refuses to *** the play.

And you have been ***

What can I say?

It's rotten milk.

Me too.

You're kind of grossing me out.

I told you this battle would get nasty.

No!

The only way by ending the Prank
war is pranking all of you out

then so be it.

What's the matter Kendall?

Looks like you're in...

a jam.

Darn it.

Joe.

Is it bad?

It's going to leave a nasty stain.

I better pretreat this or
I'll never get it out.

Good luck.

Okay, ***

Logan,

I paid good money for that and I
lost the receipt so I can't return it.

Well you're having a reaction
with the feathers.

A shower ***

*** should do the trick.

Thanks Logan.

Of course.

It's like the best day of my life.

I help people feel better.

Logan, I'm calling up my al-mother.

*** medical program,

and I'm recommending you
for immediate admission.

But... what about the band?

You'll have to quit the band,

but what's more important to you?

Toe tapping pop music?

Or saving lives?

Not so fast.

I'm just going to reach for a
tissue so I can blow my nose.

Both: The crown will be mine!

Sorry, boys, but that crown will be mine.

Hey can I borrow the seltzer?

Take it.

Good luck.
- Thanks.

[inaudible mumbling]

Why are you laughing?

Because there's no such thing
as the role reversal method.

I made it up.

You got pranked.

You mean, none of this was real.

Oh, yeah, it was real...

real funny.

But I'm sure it ***

Now, on to more important matters.

Where do you keep the sugar?

In the cabinet.

Well, looks like all our patients
have been treated.

And I made homemade ice pops.

I got the money saving recipe
from a magazine.

Remember what I said, Logan

we need you on the far side.

What's that face for?

I had a great time today helping people,

but I also had great time singing,

so what do I do, stay with the band or...

become a doctor?

You know what sweetheart?

That's what's great
about being a teenager

you don't have to decide right now.

Thanks, Mrs. Knight.

You always know what to say.

I do now.

Who're you?

Who do you think?

Still think I can't handle a day
of pranks, big brother?

Lord Prankerton would be very
proud of you baby sister.

But this battle is not over.

Yes, it is.

Because if either of
you make another mess

I will pull off the ultimate prank.

I will close the pool for two weeks.

The war is over.

Put down your weapons and once again
I win and you are all losers.

[laughing]

Wait, wait, wait.

Who wins?

♪♪♪

Nice.

[clapping]

We'll get them next year.

[clapping and cheering]

♪♪♪

Synch by Benfo.