Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 14 - Big Time Songwriters - full transcript

Try a G.

So... what's the stand boy ***?

No, how about no G?

How about a G in...?

That is is Darryl and Jambox.

Your new songwriters.

Oh.

I'm releasing a deluxe edition
of your album.

And I want the bonus track
to have a fresh new sound.

Aaah, so that's what Gustavo pouted.

I'm not pouted. You're pouted.



Everyone uses other
songwriters, Gustavo...

Kate Perry, Maroon 5,

and Darryl is the hardest
songwriter out there.

Are they the ones who fight a lot?

This song is called Winging a Dove.

No. *** from above.

You need more guitar.

You need your morning coffee.

Don't forget the top zone.

This is going to be a great song.

Heads up.

They're coming in.

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

♪ make it count, play it straight ♪



♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

♪ where you go big time ♪

♪ what you know, what you feel ♪

♪ never quitin', make it real ♪

♪ when you're going big time ♪

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪

♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
- ♪ hey, hey ♪

♪ go and shake it up ♪

♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪

♪ go and make your luck ♪

♪ with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got
so you got to live it ♪

♪ big time ♪

Note we're onto Saint Mario's Hospital.

No, we're going to Saint Luigi's.

***
- ***

Okay. We know that fighting is not
the way to write a great pop song.

Yes, it is.

Now, go with them and make
sure they're okay and by okay,

I mean, they don't sue the company.

And you need to find me
new song writers, as now.

Ones that can write a hit
and take a punch.

What are you idiots so happy about?

Stop, it's keeping me out.

We want to write a song!

No.

Writing a song is the
next step for us as a band.

Yeah, come on, Gustavo.

We're ready.

Are you ready to sit in
complete silence for hours,

waiting for the perfect lyric to arrive?

Or stare into the eyes of the
sun to find that killer hook?

Huh?

Are you?

You could write the song with us.

No! Because you are the dogs

and I am the lone song writing wolf.

Now, get out of my studio.

Arrrroooo pitch pitch.

It's wrong. We want to write
awesome songs that rhyme and stuff.

But *** relax at the Palmwoods
while Gustavo creates in the studio.

What if it was the other way around?

*** a plan.

Our plans are pure genius.

Not all of our plan plans.

One giant hot tub... coming up.

Hey, Mr. Bitters eventually
*** all his pool furniture?

All we have to do is get
Gustavo to take the day off,

and we write a song in
the recording studio.

One problem, we have to get
the lone wolf out of the studio.

What are you idiots so happy about?

Stop. It's keeping me out.

We're going to take over rock records

and beat Gustavo at writing our
hit songs, for the deluxe CD.

He'll kill you.

No, he won't because he'll be busy
at the Palmwoods new health spa...

that you run.

I want 20 percent of the song publishing.

What's that?

Just say yes.

Yes.

Hey, can you help me with the plan?

It doesn't involve a
giant hot tub, does it?

Health spa.

You are not writing the song.

Because the lone wolf will have his...

musk rat...

love song by the end of the day.

I'm learning so many
things about song writing.

Now, get out because dogs stressing
me out is not good for song writing.

That's why you need to relax
at the Palmwoods new spa.

Yeah, why would I want to go to a spa?

Because Jay Z wrote an entire album
while getting a mango body scrub?

Well, relaxing and clearing your
mind is good for song writing.

Here is your hat and your ***.

Have a great time.
- *** relaxation.

Okay. Let's write a song.

On it.

Time to write the...

Hate... baby song.

Well, dartboard medicine is not working.

What else did Gustavo
say about song writing?

He said staring into the eyes of
the sun to find the killer hook.

Welcome to the Palmwood's spa.

Yeah, this is a scam.

I'm out.

It's not a scam.

I started the spa so I could
save money for college

and I could really use a top celebrity
endorsement from someone famous

and wonderful like you.
- Keep talking.

I evening had this real-like
spa lady and everything.

Hello.

What have you got to lose?

Yeah.

What the heck. I do need to get
my song-writing juices flowing.

One thing for sure.

This *** is not helping.

Look, we're just going to dive in.

We have to stop thinking
about it, and just make music.

It's right.

So Gustavo said *** your head in
relaxing is useful for songwriting.

What's more relaxing than
a nice, friendly game?

Foosball.

Oh.
- Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey. This is not bad.

You're kidding, right?

Well it needs more lyrics, but at
least the post song has the melody.

Oh, is the letter
genius not a song title.

Oh.

And you guys can do better?

Yeah, just give me a minute
and the song will come to me.

We don't have a minute.

We have to write the song
before Gustavo gets back.

We need more minutes.

Palmwoods spa where we
make the stars shine bright.

Katie, have I you told you how
much I love you today?

How much more time do you need?
- Another hour. We're onto something.

Thanks, bye.
- Yes.

Sir, all done.

I must admit, I am refreshed.

Now, back to my studio
to write my new hit.

Wait.

You must stay and try our
new deep conditioning salted

waxy thing and stay longer.

Yeah, I don't want to.

Later.

It's not there.

That's impossible.

*** He was completely bald.

Now look at him.

Oh. So I said to the lady, I said,

"hey, honey, if that's
couture, I am the ***".

What's that smell?

French herbs.

Look, *** the oh song is cool
so we're recording the oh song.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Not feeling the oh song.

Do you have a better song?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah ♪

That was good.

No. Our song is way better.

Of course you'd say that, because
you always side with Kendall.

No he doesn't.
- Yeah, he does.

Okay.

Then you pick the song.

Which one is better, Logan.

The oh song or the yeah song?

Um, you guys, I'd really rather
not get into the middle of this.

So ehm...
- Big surprise.

Logan doesn't want to make a decision.

Hey, he makes a decision.

Then decide?

Fine, the yeah song is a happy interjection,
which promotes positive feelings.

Whereas oh, can note
unpleasant surprises.

Use the words that we know.

The oh song is stupid.

Remember what Kelly
said about song writing.

Fighting doesn't solve anything.

Hello!

Not so fast. You just
stay right where you are.

***

Yeah, and and we're just going to
record the yeah song in camp awesome.

I told you we should have
picked camp awesome.

Well, if you guys get studio A,
then we get studio B.

Good luck getting through our hallway.

Your hallway?

Hey, this's no-man's land.

There's no rules in no-man's land.

Okay, then, go ahead.

If you dare.

We need the studio to
record the oh, song.

***

They hit me.

Go on and record the song without me.

You're not hit.

It's in your armpit.

I'm better.

Okay.

We have our own space
to record our song.

But, we need more time.

What? Gustavo is almost
done with his hand treatment,

and I don't think he's going to want
to stay, once he sees the results.

We just need another hour.

And don't forget, I talked
to mom of naming you Apple.

Fine, have a Palmwoods' day.

We're good.
- Yeah.

The Palmwoods' hair
treatment is complete.

How do I look?

Very good.

Let me see it.

Arrrrrr, this is grass.

Yes, but we haven't style today yet.

What ***?

Nothing.
- Nothing.

Writing a song.

Oh, no they're not.

Stay back.

Get out of my way, I am leaving now.

Yeah, can't let you do that.

Get him.

Okay. We're going to need
more lyrics than oh, oh, oh.

And Gustavo says silence
also inspires song writing.

Silent writing... starting now.

Can you stop that?

You mean breathing?
- Just for a few minutes.

♪ Say anything you want ♪

♪ I'll turn the music off ♪

♪ because baby we keep
going oh, oh, oh! ♪

It worked.
- ***

The oh, song is going to be so much
better than the other song.

Sing it again.

♪ Say anything you want ♪

♪ I'll turn the music off ♪

♪ because baby we keep
going oh, oh, oh! ♪

*** We need lyrics.

***

Yeah, but I'm *** and
usually great with words.

Yeah, when you talk to girls.

Right. *** best.

When I'm charming the lady.

♪ So tell me who am I supposed to be ♪

♪ What I got to do to get you close to me ♪

♪ If I ride with you tonight
will you follow me ♪

♪ say yeah, say yeah, say yeah ♪

That was catchy, but this is
a bit awkward for me, okay?

Who cares because the yeah song
is going to be the bonus track,

and Gustavo's going
to love it... and us.

I'm going to kill those dogs.

***

♪♪
♪

I guess we do have a neck adjustment.

Actually, it's kung fu, which I learned
when I trained for kung fu.

Okay. Now we're responding to something
to make him stay put for a while.

Okay, got the lyric. Now, we
have just got to call the band.

And record the music to our hip song.

So where is Gustavo?

He said he couldn't make it.

But he wants this song finished
before he gets back.

And before he left, I think his
words were, um, track bonus.

Ka-ching!

Let's *** up.

♪ If I run away tonight ♪

♪ will you follow me ♪

♪ Say yeah, say yeah, say yeah ♪

All right. This sounds good.

The yeah song is good.
- It's okay.

But once we get the band, the oh,
song is going to be way better.

Okay.

But how do we get the
band out of camp awesome?

*** All right.

1-2-3.

Aaaaaa, aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Surround the band.

***

Huh? Where am I?

Why can't I move?

You must be really, really relaxed...

Thanks to our world famous
Palmwoods' mud bath.

And by that, we mean...
instant time cement.

Get me out of here!

Ah, I'm not sure the cement
can hold that much rage.

It's fine. *** totally,
you're my 20 percent.

Aaarrrrr!

*** later?

Yep.
- Yep.

Oh, no.

What are you guys doing here?

We're working with the song writing.

Cover your ears.

What are you doing?

Me and Carlos wrote an amazing song
for the bonus track that goes oh, oh, oh.

But we wrote a better song
that goes yeah yeah yeah.

And then they attacked us with
foyle helmets and hair extensions.

Hey, it's because our song is
way better.

No, ours is better.
- No, ours is better.

No, ours is better.
- No, ours is better.

Hey.

You want to know the
worse way to write a song?

While fighting.

Yes, but our song is
better because it goes

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

Wait.

That wasn't bad. Sing that again.

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

Instead of screaming oh,
and yeah at each other,

why don't you idiots scream oh, yeah
together, and make that your song.

It did sound pretty good.

Do you think Gustavo will like it?

Rrrrrraaa, ahhh!

Wait. Before you kill them
and explain what all that is.

Check up the new song...
from your new songwriters.

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ screaming oh yeah, yeah ♪

It's... not... terrible.

It just needs a little bit of help.

Like arranging and producing,

and a master at the controls.

Now, get in the studio.

I thought you only write alone?

Let's just say every now and then,
the alone wolf needs his pack.

Aaaa u u urrrrrrrrrrrr.

♪ oh yeah ♪

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ so tell me who am I supposed to be ♪

♪ what I got to do ♪

♪ to get you close to me ♪

♪ if I ride with you tonight ♪

♪ will you follow me ♪

♪ come on, come on, come on ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ I can't seem to get you out of my mind ♪

♪ and I ain't got to stop
until I make you mine ♪

♪ we have got to make
it bite end of the night ♪

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ Say anything you want ♪

♪ I'll turn the music off ♪

♪ Because baby, we ain't
going no... o... o where ♪

♪ *** ♪

♪ I'll be with you tonight ♪

♪ and everybody is screaming oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ is screaming oh yeah, yeah ♪

♪ *** ♪

♪ and the time just keep on running out ♪

♪ I got to find my way to you ♪

♪ oh yeah ♪

♪ Say anything you want ♪

♪ I'll turn the music off ♪

♪ Because baby, we ain't
going no... o... o where ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Well, looks like we have a bonus
track for our deluxe album.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did you write it so fast?

Let's just say it started
with some fighting,

but ended with a
big-time collaboration.

You know, I think I'll write
a song with Gustavo.

Of course, we can skip the fighting.

No. No.

I want to be thorough.

It's going to be a good song.

Oh, yeah.

Synch by Benfo.