Big Day (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 10 - Last Chance to Marry Jane - full transcript
- I just got it.
- What?
Why you defended
Danny all these years.
He reminds you of your little
ex, Bob Baron.
The one who used to mellow
you out with his "wacky weed."
Bob Baron.
Hey,
are you bringing the good stuff?
Yeah.
I always keep a pair
of rehearsal rings on my person.
These say "Lorna and Dave,"
but it's a different Lorna.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
My... My contact lenses!
- I drank your contacts?
- I am legally blind without my glasses!
God!
Great news.
A guy down the street died,
and they're having
an estate sale.
Check it out?
The widow was in no shape
to haggle. She was like...
"Take them! Take them!
They remind me of him."
And I even had
her throw in a pair
of roller-blades for,
like, squadoosh.
So you can see now?
Yeah. They match
my prescription perfectly.
So you can help me put together
Alice and Danny's slide
show for the reception.
Becca. Becca, is that you?
I can't...
- Becca.
- Come on!
They entrusted me with this,
you know?
And I want it to be...
Beautiful and meaningful.
You put it off all day long,
and now you want
me to bail you out.
No.
I was supposed
to do it weeks ago.
Now get your ass in here.
Fine.
I'm okay.
Why aren't you separating?
Yelling at your eyelashes?
Well, someone sure
wants to look perfect
for their old boyfriend.
No.
Someone wants to look perfect
for her daughter's wedding.
Any word on Bob's
date-of-the-month?
I don't ask for much.
Just someone who can
form a complete sentence.
Why are you so
interested in his love life?
Because every
time we get together,
you and Bob go off
and chat about the old days.
I get stuck with some coed,
discussing what goes
into a long island iced tea.
Yes, well, you have 150
other guests to talk to tonight.
So do you.
There he is.
You wanna answer that so bad,
don't you?
Bob is just an old, dear friend.
I mean, I appreciate
your jealousy, Steve,
but really,
I think that you're...
I'll get it.
I'll get it!
Bob, so good to...
Who are you?
I'm David, the photographer.
Lorna,
the new photographer's here.
Mrs. Hopkins, this is David.
Um, my ex-fiance?
Who tore out my heart
and stomped on it
and left me bleeding
on the side of the road
the day after we sent
out our save-the-dates.
David, Mrs. Hopkins.
- Hello.
- Well, I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,
and I have no
interest in witnessing it.
Yes, I guess.
Come in.
- Lorna.
- David.
Thanks for the gig.
Of course.
- We're both professionals.
- Yeah.
Any devastating
betrayal or cruel deception
in our personal life doesn't matter
when we're on the job, right?
Sure, yeah.
I was, um...
Cleaning out my place,
and I found some of your stuff.
Our kitty coasters.
And the pinwheel
from the walnut festival.
Two and a half years just
whittled down to one tiny,
impersonal, cardboard box.
It's a sad commentary
on love and life, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm gonna need that box back.
Yeah, okay.
Wow!
Your awkward phase was long.
Look at those buck teeth.
You could rake a zen
garden with these puppies.
Yeah, well, these camp
pictures of you and Danny
sure show off
your little-boy man-boobs.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
They put me on
steroids for my acne.
I'm keeping this one.
- Give it back, grabby. Give it back.
- What?
Don't.
- Give it back.
- I'll get it!
Hello, Bob...
Who the hell are you?
Well, I'm Becca's date,
Jonathan Scott.
- Becca! Your friend is here!
- And you must be...
I forgot. I'm dating a doctor.
- Hey, you.
- Hey.
You're here early.
Shoot.
Really? I'm sorry, I...
You wrote the time
down on my hand,
but then I had to wash up.
- So...
- Right, for surgery.
No. I'm kind of a germ freak.
You like showering.
I'll file that away.
Come on. Let me show you around.
Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs
and put on my dress now.
Okay, I'll see you later.
"See ya"?
That's it?
I love you?
Danny...
This is it.
I, I... After I go upstairs
and put my dress on,
we're officially on countdown.
You can't see me anymore.
This is our last
moment together
as unmarried people.
See you in 30
minutes for pictures.
Wow.
This is really happening?
Yeah.
I'm starting to
get really nervous.
How about you? Are you nervous?
Not really.
I don't know how you do it.
I wouldn't be able to
make it through this day
if you weren't so calm.
I'm gonna go get
in my dress now.
No big deal.
Are you all right?
Fine.
Fine. Really good.
All right...
...Here.
This is loose.
I'll get it!
Bob!
For crying out loud.
Just getting the
rest of my stuff.
Hey, slim.
Bob.
Look at you.
You could pass for the bride.
I don't know about that.
Hey, Doc.
Bob Baron.
So, where's your date?
Putting her bike lock on?
Nope.
Flying solo tonight.
What happened?
Did you and Jenna break up?
Or did she have midterms?
Look, I'm not gonna lie.
I've dated some young,
beautiful,
active ladies in my day.
I thought their youth
would rub off on me.
But the truth is, I've grown up.
I'm not gonna find
happiness with a 20-year-old.
I finally know what I want.
Two 20-year-olds?
A mature woman.
Someone who's
lived life a little.
Someone who gets me.
Someone who I can make laugh
with a simple look.
My God, Alice. That dress rocks.
You're gonna look so beautiful.
Well, I hope I can get into it.
It took four people to get
me in this thing at my fitting.
Well, it's gotta be easier
than squeezing a baby this big
out of a hole the size of a...
Okay. I, I think we've had
enough of the birth stories.
My God.
What? Is something
wrong with the dress?
Your boobs are leaking!
That's so cute.
I gotta go pump.
Don't worry, Alice.
I'll help you.
You know what? That's okay.
No, that...
No, seriously, I got it.
Whoa! You know what.
Brittany,
don't even worry about it.
I can... I can go find Becca.
And here's where
you will be positioned
for the bride's entrance.
You might wanna
use a wide-angle lens
because all the guests
are going to have...
Let me guess...
Sparklers.
I tried to tell them but
there's just no
talking to the mother.
How 2005.
David, I have missed this.
What happened to us?
I cheated on you with Dina,
remember?
- Right.
- Yeah, yeah.
So you gonna say yes?
To what?
Bob Baron.
He asked you to
marry him down there.
Please.
He's had so many beautiful,
young women.
Why would he want me?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wrong answer, Steve.
Hello, springtime.
Yeah, this is a
big step up from our
days in the Village?
Speaking of our
days in the Village,
you mentioned on the
phone you might want to...
- Partake.
- Yeah. Um...
I can't. I, I still have, like,
a million things left to do.
Well, at least take a little
spin with me on my new bike.
You rode here on a motorcycle?
A '73 Harley...
Just like when
I lived on Bleecker.
No, I, I, I shouldn't.
I really...
Doing the things we shouldn't
were always the most fun.
Come on, slim. I'll have
you back in two minutes.
Well, you are a bad influence,
Bob Baron.
Come on, Becca.
We got those slides to do.
Yeah, I kind of decided
to bail on that.
Danny and Alice
are counting on us.
You do it.
I'm not spending the rest of my day
working on some lame slide show.
Hey, Becca.
Will you help me with my dress?
Sorry, honey.
I'm busy working
on your slide show.
Fine.
- I'll go ask Mom.
- Okay.
- Alice?
- Danny!
- I need to talk to you.
- We can't see each other!
Hey, Dad.
Do you know where Mom is?
I need help with my dress.
She's out...
Cruising on the back
of Bob Baron's motorcycle,
and I would not be surprised
if she comes home with
a case of the munchies.
Okay.
I'm gonna pretend I don't
know what that means.
Forget your bong, Bob?
Shampagne with an "S"?
Hi, Steve.
Sorry to barge in on
your daughter's wedding,
but you left this at the club.
My wallet.
I would've gotten here earlier,
but the sweetest old couple
came in for a couch dance.
Thanks.
No problem.
Well,
I should probably get going.
In my experience,
it's usually not a good
idea for the wife to see me.
Know what I'm saying?
Shampagne, wait.
In this case...
I think it would be a very good
idea for the wife to see you.
My little hell's angel.
Come in here.
There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
Jane...
This is Shampagne with an "S."
We met at Danny's
bachelor party.
Hello.
Did you come by to pick up the
glitter you left on my husband's head?
Sorry about that.
I tell you,
between that and the dog hair,
I can never keep my couch clean.
Jane,
aren't you going to introduce
your friend to
to my friend?
- Bob Baron.
- Shampagne De Marqui.
No "S" in Marqui.
Okay,
so now we've all met and...
Thank you so much for
stopping by, Shampagne.
Hey.
I just had a great idea.
Did you now?
Well...
Since Bob is without a date
we have an extra place setting.
Yes, but I'm sure that
Shampagne with an "S,"
can't simply drop
everything and attend
a formal wedding
on such short notice.
Why don't we ask her?
Shampagne...
Do you have any plans tonight?
Well, I do have a
bachelor party to work...
- What a shame!
- But...
I don't have to
be there till 2 a.m.
and at that time, the
airport traffic's pretty light.
Great! Then it's settled.
Shall I inform Lorna,
or would you like to,
sweetheart?
Dan-o, you down here?
Yeah. Skobo! Come, come.
I'm really glad you're here.
I need to talk to you.
Cool. I'm here for you, baby.
Okay. What's the matter? Tell me.
I don't know if it's
pre-wedding jitters
- or what's happening, but...
- Man,
Becca's doctor is really
starting to piss me off.
Okay? I'm gonna punch
that guy in his face.
Hey, let's try some funny poses.
Okay.
Look, the thing is I love Alice.
I do. I want to marry her.
You know, every time
I want to pound a guy,
it's either because
he cut me off in traffic
or fleeced me in
a fantasy trade.
But the doctor's
done nothing to me.
I mean, what do you think it is?
Dude, you're jealous.
Jealous? Why would
I be jealous of this guy?
I could totally take him.
You're jealous because he's
with Becca, and you like Becca.
Becca.
You think I like Becca?
He thinks I like Becca.
Can you believe this?
Okay, fine. You know what?
Fine, you don't like Becca.
But can we get back to me now,
please?
Because I need to
be talked off this ledge!
Man!
I like Becca.
What are you doing?
Picking something
out for Miss De Marqui.
What color do you think
will bring out her eyes?
Okay, Steve,
you've made your point.
You can send her home now.
But Jane, she's just an old,
dear friend.
Steve,
this is entirely inappropriate.
It is our daughter's
wedding day.
That hasn't stopped
you from gallivanting around
with your old boyfriend.
Mom, can you help
me get into my dress?
Not now, Alice!
Look, I'll make you a deal.
You get rid of Bob,
I'll get rid of Shampagne.
I will do no such thing.
In fact, I was just on my way
to show him my studio.
He wants to see some of my work.
I'll bet he does.
You're just jealous because
he supports my creative side,
- and you don't.
- What more can I do, Jane?
I built you a pottery studio.
You've made a grand
total of three pots.
I bought you a store to sell
your rainforest tchotchkes.
The place bleeds money.
You wanna know why I don't
support your creative side?
Here's your answer...
You don't have a creative side.
No, wait, Jane.
Honey...
Well...
Guess there's no sense
wearing this thing anymore.
It's a beautiful cake, isn't it?
It's all right.
It's not as good as
Dina and I are having.
We're doing a traditional
French cream puff tree.
- A croquembouche?
- Yeah, yeah.
That's what we were
gonna have at our wedding.
Was it?
I created an entire
Parisian theme, remember?
Every table was
going to be named
after an actual Parisian street,
or rue.
You're doing that, too?
I don't believe this.
You and Dina are having...
My dream wedding.
They're really good ideas,
Lorna.
You should be happy.
At least someone's
having your wedding.
Just tell me that you're not
making your grand departure
in a
replica world's fair balloon.
I don't think
I could handle that.
Well, then, I suggest
you don't look in the night sky
on October 5th.
October 5th? Our wedding date?
- They had a cancellation.
- Our cancellation!
Hey, where you been?
I got in a huge
fight with my wife.
You want me to rub
my boobs in your face?
I don't think so, but...
but thanks.
That's...
that's very thoughtful of you.
Look, Steve,
you gotta go talk to her.
No, let her go. Who cares?
Steve, listen to me.
I see a lot of laps in my line
of work, and I gotta tell you...
I've never sat in a
more married lap.
You mean it?
You're crazy about her.
- Yeah, but she...
- Trust me.
A stripper knows these things.
Now I want you to go to her,
Steve.
Right now.
Fight for her!
What am I doing?
You're right.
I will.
Thanks, Shampagne.
- Glitter.
- Right.
You... you're outta here.
Man, what is your problem?
She's my problem, all right?
I didn't realize it till
you showed up, but now I do.
Becca and I are together,
so you're history.
Since when are
you and I together?
Yeah,
she told me she was available
repeatedly.
Well, she's not.
Honest mistake on your part,
though,
considering you just
met her today.
- And you just met me yesterday.
- Exactly. I have dibs.
You're calling dibs on me?
Look, I'm not a spiritual guy,
but sometimes in life,
things happen for a reason,
and one of those times was last
night at the rehearsal dinner.
If that waitress had said yes,
I would've gone home with her.
And then I wouldn't have
drowned my sorrows at the bar,
which means I wouldn't have
gotten so loaded and angry
that I hooked up with you.
But you know what? I did.
And I've got news for you, baby.
I plan on hooking up with
you for a long, long time.
Danny?
Don't worry.
I'm not coming upstairs.
I'm not gonna see
you in your dress.
I actually kind
of need your help.
You're my last hope
of getting this thing on
before the wedding.
Close your eyes, okay?
Okay, stand up.
Yeah.
Right, just help me
pull it down a little...
Don't rip it.
Well, I'm sor... you know,
I think I could probably
be a little more helpful
if you let me open my eyes.
All right, fine.
Turn around.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I think I...
I'm just so freaked out
that everyone abandoned me.
I mean, this proves it.
You are the only
person in the entire world
that I can truly,
truly count on.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you okay?
You're all weird and quiet,
and you're nose-breathing.
My God. You're nervous.
I'm not nervous.
Honey, it's okay.
I'm nervous, too.
I'm not nervous!
I'm just... just because I've
sweaty... palms,
and I'm stammering and I, I...
I threw up that bagel
that you made me...
But that doesn't mean that
I'm nervous necessarily...
Whoa.
Okay.
I'm good now.
I love you.
I love you.
Now close your eyes!
You're gonna jinx us.
So? Come on.
David.
If you and I are
going to work together,
there is something
we need to get out of the way.
What's that?
I need to punch you really hard.
- Punch me?
- Really hard.
It's the only way.
Okay.
Just not in the face.
I'm getting married soon.
Okay. Okay.
Did that do it for you?
No.
I don't know what I was thinking.
That didn't solve anything.
That did.
You look great.
Is this part of your dress?
Crap.
All right. Start unbuttoning.
So?
Skobo.
Don't you ever do
that to me again!
You hear me?
- You hear me?
- Okay!
Jane?
Jane, honey.
Jane?
Jane.
What's up, Doc?
- What?
Why you defended
Danny all these years.
He reminds you of your little
ex, Bob Baron.
The one who used to mellow
you out with his "wacky weed."
Bob Baron.
Hey,
are you bringing the good stuff?
Yeah.
I always keep a pair
of rehearsal rings on my person.
These say "Lorna and Dave,"
but it's a different Lorna.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
My... My contact lenses!
- I drank your contacts?
- I am legally blind without my glasses!
God!
Great news.
A guy down the street died,
and they're having
an estate sale.
Check it out?
The widow was in no shape
to haggle. She was like...
"Take them! Take them!
They remind me of him."
And I even had
her throw in a pair
of roller-blades for,
like, squadoosh.
So you can see now?
Yeah. They match
my prescription perfectly.
So you can help me put together
Alice and Danny's slide
show for the reception.
Becca. Becca, is that you?
I can't...
- Becca.
- Come on!
They entrusted me with this,
you know?
And I want it to be...
Beautiful and meaningful.
You put it off all day long,
and now you want
me to bail you out.
No.
I was supposed
to do it weeks ago.
Now get your ass in here.
Fine.
I'm okay.
Why aren't you separating?
Yelling at your eyelashes?
Well, someone sure
wants to look perfect
for their old boyfriend.
No.
Someone wants to look perfect
for her daughter's wedding.
Any word on Bob's
date-of-the-month?
I don't ask for much.
Just someone who can
form a complete sentence.
Why are you so
interested in his love life?
Because every
time we get together,
you and Bob go off
and chat about the old days.
I get stuck with some coed,
discussing what goes
into a long island iced tea.
Yes, well, you have 150
other guests to talk to tonight.
So do you.
There he is.
You wanna answer that so bad,
don't you?
Bob is just an old, dear friend.
I mean, I appreciate
your jealousy, Steve,
but really,
I think that you're...
I'll get it.
I'll get it!
Bob, so good to...
Who are you?
I'm David, the photographer.
Lorna,
the new photographer's here.
Mrs. Hopkins, this is David.
Um, my ex-fiance?
Who tore out my heart
and stomped on it
and left me bleeding
on the side of the road
the day after we sent
out our save-the-dates.
David, Mrs. Hopkins.
- Hello.
- Well, I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,
and I have no
interest in witnessing it.
Yes, I guess.
Come in.
- Lorna.
- David.
Thanks for the gig.
Of course.
- We're both professionals.
- Yeah.
Any devastating
betrayal or cruel deception
in our personal life doesn't matter
when we're on the job, right?
Sure, yeah.
I was, um...
Cleaning out my place,
and I found some of your stuff.
Our kitty coasters.
And the pinwheel
from the walnut festival.
Two and a half years just
whittled down to one tiny,
impersonal, cardboard box.
It's a sad commentary
on love and life, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm gonna need that box back.
Yeah, okay.
Wow!
Your awkward phase was long.
Look at those buck teeth.
You could rake a zen
garden with these puppies.
Yeah, well, these camp
pictures of you and Danny
sure show off
your little-boy man-boobs.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
They put me on
steroids for my acne.
I'm keeping this one.
- Give it back, grabby. Give it back.
- What?
Don't.
- Give it back.
- I'll get it!
Hello, Bob...
Who the hell are you?
Well, I'm Becca's date,
Jonathan Scott.
- Becca! Your friend is here!
- And you must be...
I forgot. I'm dating a doctor.
- Hey, you.
- Hey.
You're here early.
Shoot.
Really? I'm sorry, I...
You wrote the time
down on my hand,
but then I had to wash up.
- So...
- Right, for surgery.
No. I'm kind of a germ freak.
You like showering.
I'll file that away.
Come on. Let me show you around.
Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs
and put on my dress now.
Okay, I'll see you later.
"See ya"?
That's it?
I love you?
Danny...
This is it.
I, I... After I go upstairs
and put my dress on,
we're officially on countdown.
You can't see me anymore.
This is our last
moment together
as unmarried people.
See you in 30
minutes for pictures.
Wow.
This is really happening?
Yeah.
I'm starting to
get really nervous.
How about you? Are you nervous?
Not really.
I don't know how you do it.
I wouldn't be able to
make it through this day
if you weren't so calm.
I'm gonna go get
in my dress now.
No big deal.
Are you all right?
Fine.
Fine. Really good.
All right...
...Here.
This is loose.
I'll get it!
Bob!
For crying out loud.
Just getting the
rest of my stuff.
Hey, slim.
Bob.
Look at you.
You could pass for the bride.
I don't know about that.
Hey, Doc.
Bob Baron.
So, where's your date?
Putting her bike lock on?
Nope.
Flying solo tonight.
What happened?
Did you and Jenna break up?
Or did she have midterms?
Look, I'm not gonna lie.
I've dated some young,
beautiful,
active ladies in my day.
I thought their youth
would rub off on me.
But the truth is, I've grown up.
I'm not gonna find
happiness with a 20-year-old.
I finally know what I want.
Two 20-year-olds?
A mature woman.
Someone who's
lived life a little.
Someone who gets me.
Someone who I can make laugh
with a simple look.
My God, Alice. That dress rocks.
You're gonna look so beautiful.
Well, I hope I can get into it.
It took four people to get
me in this thing at my fitting.
Well, it's gotta be easier
than squeezing a baby this big
out of a hole the size of a...
Okay. I, I think we've had
enough of the birth stories.
My God.
What? Is something
wrong with the dress?
Your boobs are leaking!
That's so cute.
I gotta go pump.
Don't worry, Alice.
I'll help you.
You know what? That's okay.
No, that...
No, seriously, I got it.
Whoa! You know what.
Brittany,
don't even worry about it.
I can... I can go find Becca.
And here's where
you will be positioned
for the bride's entrance.
You might wanna
use a wide-angle lens
because all the guests
are going to have...
Let me guess...
Sparklers.
I tried to tell them but
there's just no
talking to the mother.
How 2005.
David, I have missed this.
What happened to us?
I cheated on you with Dina,
remember?
- Right.
- Yeah, yeah.
So you gonna say yes?
To what?
Bob Baron.
He asked you to
marry him down there.
Please.
He's had so many beautiful,
young women.
Why would he want me?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wrong answer, Steve.
Hello, springtime.
Yeah, this is a
big step up from our
days in the Village?
Speaking of our
days in the Village,
you mentioned on the
phone you might want to...
- Partake.
- Yeah. Um...
I can't. I, I still have, like,
a million things left to do.
Well, at least take a little
spin with me on my new bike.
You rode here on a motorcycle?
A '73 Harley...
Just like when
I lived on Bleecker.
No, I, I, I shouldn't.
I really...
Doing the things we shouldn't
were always the most fun.
Come on, slim. I'll have
you back in two minutes.
Well, you are a bad influence,
Bob Baron.
Come on, Becca.
We got those slides to do.
Yeah, I kind of decided
to bail on that.
Danny and Alice
are counting on us.
You do it.
I'm not spending the rest of my day
working on some lame slide show.
Hey, Becca.
Will you help me with my dress?
Sorry, honey.
I'm busy working
on your slide show.
Fine.
- I'll go ask Mom.
- Okay.
- Alice?
- Danny!
- I need to talk to you.
- We can't see each other!
Hey, Dad.
Do you know where Mom is?
I need help with my dress.
She's out...
Cruising on the back
of Bob Baron's motorcycle,
and I would not be surprised
if she comes home with
a case of the munchies.
Okay.
I'm gonna pretend I don't
know what that means.
Forget your bong, Bob?
Shampagne with an "S"?
Hi, Steve.
Sorry to barge in on
your daughter's wedding,
but you left this at the club.
My wallet.
I would've gotten here earlier,
but the sweetest old couple
came in for a couch dance.
Thanks.
No problem.
Well,
I should probably get going.
In my experience,
it's usually not a good
idea for the wife to see me.
Know what I'm saying?
Shampagne, wait.
In this case...
I think it would be a very good
idea for the wife to see you.
My little hell's angel.
Come in here.
There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
Jane...
This is Shampagne with an "S."
We met at Danny's
bachelor party.
Hello.
Did you come by to pick up the
glitter you left on my husband's head?
Sorry about that.
I tell you,
between that and the dog hair,
I can never keep my couch clean.
Jane,
aren't you going to introduce
your friend to
to my friend?
- Bob Baron.
- Shampagne De Marqui.
No "S" in Marqui.
Okay,
so now we've all met and...
Thank you so much for
stopping by, Shampagne.
Hey.
I just had a great idea.
Did you now?
Well...
Since Bob is without a date
we have an extra place setting.
Yes, but I'm sure that
Shampagne with an "S,"
can't simply drop
everything and attend
a formal wedding
on such short notice.
Why don't we ask her?
Shampagne...
Do you have any plans tonight?
Well, I do have a
bachelor party to work...
- What a shame!
- But...
I don't have to
be there till 2 a.m.
and at that time, the
airport traffic's pretty light.
Great! Then it's settled.
Shall I inform Lorna,
or would you like to,
sweetheart?
Dan-o, you down here?
Yeah. Skobo! Come, come.
I'm really glad you're here.
I need to talk to you.
Cool. I'm here for you, baby.
Okay. What's the matter? Tell me.
I don't know if it's
pre-wedding jitters
- or what's happening, but...
- Man,
Becca's doctor is really
starting to piss me off.
Okay? I'm gonna punch
that guy in his face.
Hey, let's try some funny poses.
Okay.
Look, the thing is I love Alice.
I do. I want to marry her.
You know, every time
I want to pound a guy,
it's either because
he cut me off in traffic
or fleeced me in
a fantasy trade.
But the doctor's
done nothing to me.
I mean, what do you think it is?
Dude, you're jealous.
Jealous? Why would
I be jealous of this guy?
I could totally take him.
You're jealous because he's
with Becca, and you like Becca.
Becca.
You think I like Becca?
He thinks I like Becca.
Can you believe this?
Okay, fine. You know what?
Fine, you don't like Becca.
But can we get back to me now,
please?
Because I need to
be talked off this ledge!
Man!
I like Becca.
What are you doing?
Picking something
out for Miss De Marqui.
What color do you think
will bring out her eyes?
Okay, Steve,
you've made your point.
You can send her home now.
But Jane, she's just an old,
dear friend.
Steve,
this is entirely inappropriate.
It is our daughter's
wedding day.
That hasn't stopped
you from gallivanting around
with your old boyfriend.
Mom, can you help
me get into my dress?
Not now, Alice!
Look, I'll make you a deal.
You get rid of Bob,
I'll get rid of Shampagne.
I will do no such thing.
In fact, I was just on my way
to show him my studio.
He wants to see some of my work.
I'll bet he does.
You're just jealous because
he supports my creative side,
- and you don't.
- What more can I do, Jane?
I built you a pottery studio.
You've made a grand
total of three pots.
I bought you a store to sell
your rainforest tchotchkes.
The place bleeds money.
You wanna know why I don't
support your creative side?
Here's your answer...
You don't have a creative side.
No, wait, Jane.
Honey...
Well...
Guess there's no sense
wearing this thing anymore.
It's a beautiful cake, isn't it?
It's all right.
It's not as good as
Dina and I are having.
We're doing a traditional
French cream puff tree.
- A croquembouche?
- Yeah, yeah.
That's what we were
gonna have at our wedding.
Was it?
I created an entire
Parisian theme, remember?
Every table was
going to be named
after an actual Parisian street,
or rue.
You're doing that, too?
I don't believe this.
You and Dina are having...
My dream wedding.
They're really good ideas,
Lorna.
You should be happy.
At least someone's
having your wedding.
Just tell me that you're not
making your grand departure
in a
replica world's fair balloon.
I don't think
I could handle that.
Well, then, I suggest
you don't look in the night sky
on October 5th.
October 5th? Our wedding date?
- They had a cancellation.
- Our cancellation!
Hey, where you been?
I got in a huge
fight with my wife.
You want me to rub
my boobs in your face?
I don't think so, but...
but thanks.
That's...
that's very thoughtful of you.
Look, Steve,
you gotta go talk to her.
No, let her go. Who cares?
Steve, listen to me.
I see a lot of laps in my line
of work, and I gotta tell you...
I've never sat in a
more married lap.
You mean it?
You're crazy about her.
- Yeah, but she...
- Trust me.
A stripper knows these things.
Now I want you to go to her,
Steve.
Right now.
Fight for her!
What am I doing?
You're right.
I will.
Thanks, Shampagne.
- Glitter.
- Right.
You... you're outta here.
Man, what is your problem?
She's my problem, all right?
I didn't realize it till
you showed up, but now I do.
Becca and I are together,
so you're history.
Since when are
you and I together?
Yeah,
she told me she was available
repeatedly.
Well, she's not.
Honest mistake on your part,
though,
considering you just
met her today.
- And you just met me yesterday.
- Exactly. I have dibs.
You're calling dibs on me?
Look, I'm not a spiritual guy,
but sometimes in life,
things happen for a reason,
and one of those times was last
night at the rehearsal dinner.
If that waitress had said yes,
I would've gone home with her.
And then I wouldn't have
drowned my sorrows at the bar,
which means I wouldn't have
gotten so loaded and angry
that I hooked up with you.
But you know what? I did.
And I've got news for you, baby.
I plan on hooking up with
you for a long, long time.
Danny?
Don't worry.
I'm not coming upstairs.
I'm not gonna see
you in your dress.
I actually kind
of need your help.
You're my last hope
of getting this thing on
before the wedding.
Close your eyes, okay?
Okay, stand up.
Yeah.
Right, just help me
pull it down a little...
Don't rip it.
Well, I'm sor... you know,
I think I could probably
be a little more helpful
if you let me open my eyes.
All right, fine.
Turn around.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I think I...
I'm just so freaked out
that everyone abandoned me.
I mean, this proves it.
You are the only
person in the entire world
that I can truly,
truly count on.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you okay?
You're all weird and quiet,
and you're nose-breathing.
My God. You're nervous.
I'm not nervous.
Honey, it's okay.
I'm nervous, too.
I'm not nervous!
I'm just... just because I've
sweaty... palms,
and I'm stammering and I, I...
I threw up that bagel
that you made me...
But that doesn't mean that
I'm nervous necessarily...
Whoa.
Okay.
I'm good now.
I love you.
I love you.
Now close your eyes!
You're gonna jinx us.
So? Come on.
David.
If you and I are
going to work together,
there is something
we need to get out of the way.
What's that?
I need to punch you really hard.
- Punch me?
- Really hard.
It's the only way.
Okay.
Just not in the face.
I'm getting married soon.
Okay. Okay.
Did that do it for you?
No.
I don't know what I was thinking.
That didn't solve anything.
That did.
You look great.
Is this part of your dress?
Crap.
All right. Start unbuttoning.
So?
Skobo.
Don't you ever do
that to me again!
You hear me?
- You hear me?
- Okay!
Jane?
Jane, honey.
Jane?
Jane.
What's up, Doc?