Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Green Greens/Truce Bomb - full transcript

Now, Anoush.

A lump of clay

might seem daunting to some,

but to an artiste,
it's a dream unrealized.

- Go on.
- [Anoush purrs]

[gasps] Such form!

- [Grigorian] Oh my!
- Mr. Grigorian!

Look at Anoush's brilliance!

What beautiful expression!

Anoush is skillful creative,
just like his father

who has arrived to practice
his daily opera scales.



- [clears throat and sings]
- [Gramma] Put a slipper in it, Grigorian!

I thought I told you to stop
with that incessant croaking!

And now for their daily feud.

Croaking! It is you
who sounds like toad!

And looks like one, too!

Says a man
with warts for brains!

I am smarter
than you will ever be,

crusty-lipped demon woman!

My lips ain't crusty,
they're luscious and moist!

[blows raspberry]

Does it really matter
who's smart

or who has full lips?

Course it does!

I won't take this abuse
any longer! [huffs]



Yeah, go back to your crypt,
ya walkin' cadaver!

Gramma, have you ever
considered being friends with--

The enemy?

Don't you think y'all
would be happier

if you dropped
this silly feud?

Stop talkin' nonsense
and help Gramma

by pickin' up all this trash.

I'm gonna mail it back to him,
see how he likes that.

You may call it nonsense, Gramma,

but I'm gonna end that feud.

[Cricket]
Duck, duck, goose!

Oh no! You better chase me!

Heh. You're supposed
to chase me!

Hey, that hurt!

Hey, Cricket.
Sorry to interrupt
your feathered fun.

You got a moment?

Eh, yeah, what's up?

Gramma and Mr. Grigorian's feud
has gone on far too long,

if they're ever going
to be happy, we'll have
to put an end to it.

Oh, those two have been
going at it forever, got a plan?

Well for starters,
I'm tryin' to think

of things
they have in common.

Hm, they both like
those wacky frozen dinners.

Using their canes
to poke stuff.

Not putting salt on food.

No, no, that stuff won't work.

We need something
more meaningful,

something more personal,

- something more-- Hm?
- [cat purring]

Alive!

- [snoring]
- [doorbell rings]

[Tilly]
Cat treats! Fresh, gourmet
cat treats right outside!

You hear that, Dirtbag?

That's the sound of my grandkids
doin' somethin' cute.

Well, ain't this
a hoot and a half!

Did y'all
do this by yourselves?

Yes, ma'am! May I tell you
about our selections?

Today we are offering only
the finest organic yard lettuce,

raw egg, perfect
for kitty's coat.

And don't forget our
freshly-mined Big City clay.

Guaranteed delicious!

Only the best! And available
to all Big City cat owners.

Ah, ain't that sweet.
Wait, all?

Who threw brick with note
about free cat treats
through my window?

Oh my gosh,
you both got cats!

So much in common!

No! I never let Anoush eat

what filthy
garbage woman's cat eats!

How dare you call
my Dirtbag filthy?

And now I'm calling cat nasty!

Oh, I'll show ya nasty,
you empty-headed vampire!

What is going on here?

We're offering
extra free cat treats

to friends who get along!

Everything okay here, kids?

Papa don't worry,
I've taken it upon myself

to solve the feud between
Gramma and Grigorian.

- Stinky rat goblin!
- Crusty old gargoyle!

[both scream]

Okay... Just try
not to meddle, sweetie.

Sometimes things
that look broken
don't need to be fixed.

Oh, Papa, Tilly's on the case.
Nothing bad will happen.

- [Gramma screams]
- They're really going at it over there.

What're we gonna do now, Tilly?

We need to call in
a professional.

Yeah, but who?

Who else but Dr. Tilly!

- [gasps]
- Feud soother.

- Lizard goblin!
- Burnt gizzards!

Can I borrow them for a moment?

- [cats meow]
- Thanks.

Come along, you two.
We've got a lot of work to do.

[chewing]

I'd like for us to begin
with some conflict resolution.

Sounds good.
She is demon woman!

Wonderful, yes.
Self-expression is healthy.

Uh, Gramma, do you have
anything to add?

I don't wanna sit next
to this old recluse!

Old recluse!
You mean you!

No, I'm talking
about you, old man!

Okay, I see we're gonna need
to use some tools here. Nurse!

- What's going on here, Tilly?
- I want to go home!

- Hey! No talking without the talking stick!
- Thank you, nurse.

Whoever holds the talking stick
will have the floor.

Why don't you give
it a try first?

[clears throat]
Testing, testing.

- Is this on?
- It's not a microphone, you doofus.

Tilly does this all the time.

It's a "tool" to talk
about your "feelings." Hey!

You mean like this?
I hate you!

Let's back it up
a little, shall we?

Mr. Grigorian,
please tell me about the day

your feud with Gramma began.

Ah, it was my first day
in Big City...

I had new lease on life,
and new lease on apartment.

- [singing]
- But my new neighbor was not so welcoming...

[Young Gramma]
Quit yer yammerin', city boy!
You sound downright awful!

[Grigorian]
It was the rudest welcome
I've ever received.

S o I responded in kind.

Well, your yard
looks like garbage!

- I was simply defending myself!
- [arguing]

So was I! The city had been
closing around me for years!

- I wasn't finished!
- Give it here!

- Hey, break it up!
- Hold off, nurse.

And hordes of city folk
kept movin' in,

pushing out
all the country folk

who just wanted
some peace and quiet!

But it was my first time
in city!

I thought I make good impression
by serenading my neighbors!

Like I did in my home land.

I was trying to be nice!

[both grunt]

Ah, I thought you were just
being another annoying city boy.

And I thought you were
just bad neighbor.

Sounds like both of you
have some new information.

Is there anything you'd like
to say to each other?

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

- Truce?
- Truce.

[happy sigh]

- We did it! Talking sticks for everyone!
- [man] Hey!

[Tilly]
We had quite the breakthrough
at the café yesterday.

Let's see if it holds.

Ah, right on schedule.

[clears throat]
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

Huh?

Okay, I'll put it.
What insults do you
have for me today?

Uh, none, I guess.

Oh, right. We are truce-ing.

Beautiful.

Shh.

Oh, here comes Grigorian,

dumping his trash
on my yard again!

Not on my lawn, you don't!

Not on your lawn, I don't.

Oh. It's just,
I ain't never seen ya

put trash in a bin before.

I know, but things
are different now, yes?

Yes, different.

Oh, they're being so polite.

Without the feud, their lives
have become so much happier!

I don't know, Tilly.
They seem happy to you?

- So, this is what it's like being normal neighbors, huh?
- Yes.

Normal, friendly neighbors.

Well, nice seeing you, neighbor.

Yes, and now I leave.

I don't have energy to leave.

Funny that, me neither.

By golly, Cricket!
They're not happy at all!

I thought solving their feud
would make them happier!

But my meddling
just made things worse.

I vow never to meddle again!

Wait, but then how
am I going to fix this?

If only there was a way
to influence their life

so they'd go back to normal.

Ah, no, that's meddling.

Brilliant idea, Cricket.

I'll meddle again
one last time.

Now let's go start a blood feud.

- [evil cackle]
- [evil chuckle]

[both]
Muahahaha!

All right Tilly,
I got my slingshot

and some of Gramma's trash,
just like you-- whoa!

Hello, my beautiful grandson.

Holy pomegranates,
you look just like her!

Now let's get trashing.

Hm?

- Where did you come from?
- [Tilly] Grigorian!

I figured seein' as how ya like
dumpin' trash all over my lawn,

I'd return the favor!

Don't that just make
ya wanna feud with me?

Oh, poor neighbor woman,
falling back into her old ways.

I shall be bigger person.

Hm, Grigorian's really taking
this truce seriously.

We'll just have
to try our luck with Gramma!

Knock, knock!

[sighs] No solicitors,

get off my lawn,
yadda, yadda, yadda. Huh?

- [squawk]
- What's this mess?

Take the bait, Alice!

"Here ya go, Stench Queen.

I hope you like
this portrait of you.
With hate, Mr. Grigorian."

- [squawk]
- I mean, I guess I kinda see the resemblance.

I ain't never
got fan art before.

[sighs] I guess I'll bake
some cookies for him.

It's a neighborly thing to do.

[groans] Dang it,
that didn't work at all.

My drawing went over
well with the critics

and I think
that's something to celebrate.

I didn't wanna resort to this,

but we're gonna have to do
something more drastic.

Definitely one of your better
works, though, just to be clear.

Dirtbag, come get your supper.
Wha--?

Anoush! Time for bath.
[gasps]

[both]
Catnapped! Grr.

Gimme back my Dirtbag,
Grigorian!

I didn't touch grimy cat!

According to this,
you are the one who took Anoush!

It's working, Cricket!

Gimme that! Hmm.

"Hey Grigur,
I took yer cat. Gramma."

I didn't write this!
It's the work
of a ding dang child!

Cricket, you were supposed
to cut out magazine letters!

Sorry, but I've never done
a ransom before!

- [meowing]
- Dirtbag, quiet down.

Y'all hush up,
they're gonna see us.

So we've been hoodwinked.

Ahh!

Well, don't y'all
look suspicious.

Start talking, girl!

I was..
I was ransoming your cats

because I was tryin'
to restart your feud.

After all the trouble
you went through
to get us to stop?

That don't make no sense.

Your rivalry kept your fiery
zest for life burning bright,

I just wanted to rekindle
those smoldering embers.

Did you really think
we'd fall for this?

Maybe your stupid babushka,
but not me!

Oh, you think
I'm stupid, do ya?

If I'm being honest,
yes, a little bit.

Yeah well, you're--
[groans] No.

We mustn't succumb
to temptation.

I mean, we could.

What's happening here?

You really think so?

Alice, I... I hate you!

Yeah, well I hate you too!

No, I hate you more!

[gasps]
They're squabbling!

- I...
- Hate...

[both]
You!

[shouting]

Well Cricket, there it is.
My last meddle.

Come on, let's leave them
to their fun.

Wait, I wanna watch
for just a little longer.

- [Gramma] I hate you so much!
- [Cricket] Aw, so sweet.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got
bit by a hundred flies♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees♪

♪ I got chased by dogs,
Bit by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs,
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven of ten♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪