Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - No Service/Takened - full transcript

-[theme music playing]

♪ One, two
One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪


[chicken squawks]

Splishee! Splishee!
Splishee! Splishee!

Free Splishee Day, here we come!

-What in the Sam Heck
-[smacks] Ah!

-is a Splish- ee?!
-Oh, Gramma,

it's only the world's
most perfect combination

of ice, sugar, and chemicals.

Those are the magical makings
of the Splishee.

Look! There's the Sip N' Snak!

Hurry up and park!

Shucks, the lot's full.

I suppose we could just
meet you kids inside-

-They're gone.

-Bye, Papa!
-Bye, Dad!

[sighs] We're gonna
find some parkin'

-and be right back.
-If we don't return,

avenge us!

Wow. Look at all
these new flavors!

Nitro Berry... Mental Melon...

Purple?! Oh, mama,
here we come!

-[Clark] Hold it!

Can't you read?

Yes, but I choose not to.

No shoes, no shirt,
no service.

No shoes means no Splishees.

[chuckles] Oh, chum,
I am Cricket Green.

I never wear shoes!

Kid, I don't make up the rules,
I just follow them.

Clean the bathroom
three times a day.

Mop the floors every hour.

But if you mop the floors
so often,

what's it matter
what I wear on my feet?

Uh, because that's the rule!
And no one is above the rules.

-[grunting] Listen, uh... Clark.
-[items clatter]

Not wearing shoes
is sort of my deal

and I love Splishees, heh.

Perhaps, we can
strike a bargain?

Oh! There's one thing
I'd like...

For you to leave!

All right! Come on, Tilly!
Let's get outta here!

Uh, sorry, brother,
but I have shoes on

-and a me-sized mug to fill.

Fine! Who wants a free,
delicious, sugary,

[muffled] rainbow-colored
Splishee, anyway.

Ugh! I've circled this block
five times.

There isn't an open spot

-What about that lot?
-Five dollars for parking?!

That's highway robbery!
No way we're parking there!

Good for you, son!

You know how much
I admire cheapness in a man.

It's not the money,
it's the principle.

Why should I pay that swindler
when there's a free spot

out there,
just waitin' to be found?

We just gotta keep looking.

-[muttering angrily]

It's so unfair that you didn't
get a free Splishee, brother.

Guess you'll have to
share some of mine.

-[gasps] Sister!
-[Clark] Nope!

-Stop right there!
-Aw, man, what do you want?

Everyone knows that sharing
Splishees is strictly forbidden

by the Sip N' Snak rules,

and would result in forfeit
of said free beverage.

What?! It's just sharing!
Why is that against the rules?

It's basic hygiene, man.

Not that I'd expect
you to understand.

You know, the easiest way
to end all this

would be to just
put on some shoes.

Yeah, sure, it'd be easy
to bend to Clark's will.

Or, it would be even easier
if I found a loophole.

Oh, Clark! Look! No feet
on your precious, clean floor.

No! No! Now, your disgusting
feet are at face-level!

-That's even worse!
-Oof! Whoa-whoa!

Goo-goo, waa! I'm just a baby
who doesn't need shoes.

-This is pathetic.

And for the record,
you make an ugly baby.

Tell that to my mom!

All right, Clark, you got me.
Boom. Shoes.

Ugh, finally. Now,
was that so hard?

-No. No, it was not.

Wait a minute... Hey!

-[hums] La tum tee-dee!
-Hold it!

Those are not shoes! You just
painted sneakers on your feet!

There's somethin' coverin'
my feet, isn't there?

That's basically what shoes do.

Argh! Look, kid, this
isn't up to me. Check it!

These are the official
Sip N' Snak rules.

Everyone else has to
follow 'em. Why can't you?

Because these rules
are stupid!

I mean, look at
some of these!

No cartwheels, no skipping,
no gum-chewing,

-no excessive talking,
-Mm-hm. Yep.

-no coin-flipping,

-no hand-holding,

-no mouth breathing?!
-Mm-hm. Yep.

What is wrong with you?

If you want a free Splishee,
you know what you need to do.


Rule #48: No sulking!

[Bill sighs] No one's leavin'.

Hey, look! A spot,
right in front!

See? Patience pays off.

[honks horn]
Move it or lose it, bub!

-Wait a hot second.

-Is he eating popcorn?!

And watching TV?!

-Guess he's stayin'.

-[engine starts]

Oh! Okay, I'll just put it
in reverse and-- Ah, dang.

Ah! Son, this is startin'
to grate my grill.

Just pay the $5 and
be done with it.

Ten dollars?!
That's price gouging!

No way am I givin' in
to that crooked profiteer!

I am Bill Green and, by golly,
I will find a free parkin' spot!

[muttering] ...stinkin' paint!

Why are you goin' to so much
trouble over this, brother?

If you really want a Splishee,
and I highly recommend it,

you can borrow my shoes.

It's not like you haven't
worn shoes before.

Sure, in the snow.
Or to play ball.

But that was different,
that was my choice.

Not because Clark the clerk
was on a power trip.

Then speaking of choices, sounds
like you need to make one.

It's either no shoes,
or no Splishee.


...998, 999 and... another one!

Yes! [chuckles] Time to reward
myself with a free Splishee!

You need a shirt?!
But I never wear a shirt.

I guess I'm not gettin'
an ice-cold beverage.

Tilly, I think I found a way
to have it all!

Hey, crazy we have to
put on a shirt and shoes

to go in, am I right?

It is pretty lame but
what can ya do?

Those are the rules, after all.

I'll tell you what we can do.
We can band together!

-What do we want?

-What do we want?

And when do we want 'em?

-On Free Splishee Day!
-Some of us choose

-not to wear shoes!
-Huh? Oh, yeah!

-Yeah, it's true.
-[Cricket] Others lead

-shirtless lives!
-Yeah! We do!

[Cricket] But we all
deserve a free Splishee!

[grunts] And I think free
Splishees should be for all!


Pfft, they won't last much
longer. It's almost noon

and it's getting
pretty hot out there.

How much longer are
we gonna search?!

-Any moment now.
-There! There's a space!

[revs engine]

-[tires screech]

[loudly] Ma'am,
I think you're confused.

You're standin'
in a parking spot.

I'm saving this spot for later.

-She's lived long enough.

Okay, okay. Let me talk to her.

Hi, sweetie, havin' a senior
moment, huh? Been there!

-[attack screams]
-What in the--?!

-Run, Ma!
-[screaming, banging]

Drive, drive, drive!


Son, the only thing I admire
more than a cheapskate

is a man who knows when
to throw in the towel!

Pay for the dang spot!

But Ma, it's $20 now!

Exactly! Do it quickly,
before they start chargin' $100!


[buzzards squawking]

Ohh, Splishee...

[weakly] Free Splishees
should be free for all. Beh.

Stay strong, brother.

Mm. Pretty hot out here, huh?
Bet an ice-cold free Splishee

sure would hit the spot,
right now.

If we buy shoes from your store,
can we come inside?

As it happens,
we have a number of

Sip N' Snak compliant footwear
options available.

-You got a shirt?
-Do I?!

Unh. It's a romper!
Let's go get some Splishees!


-No! C'mon, guys!
-[protestors chatter]

Resist! What about
banding together?

Sorry, kid, it's over.
There should be

just enough Splishee left
for you to get one, too.

But you know what
you need to do, first.

-[Cricket groans] Tilly...

-lend me your shoes.

I give up. It's too hot!
I stuck to my principles

and all I got was
charred and crispy.

Cricket, are you
really sure you--

Please, Tilly. I need it.

I need that Splishee!

-[slurping, gasps]
-[door slides open]


-[register beeps]
-Well, well.


Good to see you've
come to your senses.

As promised, it's all yours.
I'm proud of you, man!

You did the right thing. So,
why don't you reap your reward?

-[step clangs]

-Oh, my gosh, he's doing it!
-[slurps] Oh, man.


The only thing sweeter
than a Splishee

is the sweet, sweet
taste of victory.

[strains] Huh?

♪ What do I do? ♪

♪ My mouth has never
Felt so dry ♪

♪ Yet, why can't I look myself
In the eye? ♪

♪ Give up my
Barefoot country soul ♪

♪ Or abandon my
Sweet icy goal ♪

♪ What do I do? ♪

♪ I should be by
My brother's side ♪

♪ And yet, I cannot
Be there with him ♪

♪ Ooh, what will
The boy decide? ♪

♪ When will the boy
Give up his pride? ♪

♪ Can't you see
He is so thirsty ♪

♪ Just fill it up
Or go outside ♪

♪ I've been driving 'round
All day ♪

♪ I just wanna
Leave this truck ♪

♪ Should I suck it up
And pay? ♪

-Fifty dollars?! But--

♪ Ugh. I must pay ♪

♪ I must say ♪

♪ I must pay ♪

-♪ I must say ♪
-♪ I must pay ♪

-♪ I must say ♪
-♪ I must pay ♪

-♪ I must say ♪
-♪ I must pay ♪

♪ I must say no! ♪

♪ He said no! ♪

-Heh, heh!
-What have you done?!

That was the last
of the Splishees!

Now you'll never get one!

Well, I've got something
even better than a Splishee...

my principles.
Being barefoot is who I am.

And I'm not giving that up
for some drink.

I may not agree
with your principles,

but gosh darn it, kid, I can't
say I don't respect you.

Of course, since you
made this huge mess,

you know you're
banned forever, right?

Makes sense.

-[sighs heavily]
-[tires squeal]

Proud of you, Bill.
I know that was hard.

Yep. But at least we have
a nice, easy-to-get-to space,

-so the kids won't have to--
-Hi, Papa!

-We're ready to go!

I just paid for this spot!

Did you at least get
your free drink?

No, Dad. No, I didn't.

[sucks in breath]
Bill, you okay?

-[honks horn]
-Hey, are you leaving?

Listen up, troops! Today, is
Vasquez's Bodyguard-aversary.

Vasquez has been
Remy's bodyguard for--

[muttering] One... two...
Remy's whole life!

Nyeh! Exactly! This is
supposed to be a surprise party,

so Vasquez cannot find out.

Everyone knows their jobs,

Sir, yes, sir!

You don't have to worry
about us, brother.

We're on it. Tilly ho!

And what about you, Dad?

You know what you're
supposed to do?

Of course! But just in case,

why don't you run me
through it again.

Argh! All right. I've given you
the most important job of all.

Distract and deliver.

Right. Now, what does that mean?

Dad, Remy and I are
going to get party supplies,

so we need you to
distract Vasquez

and deliver him to
Remy's house at 6:00.

That's a lot of responsibility.
I'm not sure I can handle--

-[knock on door]
-We're here!

It's us, Remy and Vasquez!

Remy! Yah! My good pal!

How the heck are ya?
[awkward chuckle]

-Seriously, how the heck are ya?
-A little stressed!

But it'll all be worth it.

Okay, we're going to
play in Cricket's room.

Vasquez, why don't you get to
know Mr. Green a little better?

I'm sure you two
have a lot in common.


What do I tell Vasquez if he
asks what you two are up to?

Just say we're in my room.

But what if he asks
more questions?

-I'm not a good liar!
-No, but luckily, I am.

So, here's my advice. When
in doubt, just roll with it!

And that should
keep him distracted.

But if you run into trouble,

I borrowed Gramma's phone
so you can give me a call.

All right. I won't
let you down, son.

I know you won't. Vasquez.

Vasquez, why don't I show you
some... thing.

And you can angle it this way,
and chip this, like so.

Yeah, I've been whittlin'
for years. Matter of fact,

in high school they called me
"Whittle Caesar."

The boys are unusually quiet.
I must go check on them.

Wait! The boys will be fine.
Let's just hang out.

-What? Where are the boys?

In Cricket's bedroom! Hm?

-I mean, not here.

That sounds like Master Remy's
smart watch.

Without him wearing this,
I can't trace him.

Forgetful boys. They
probably just forgot.

On account of bein'
so forgetful.

-Now, c'mon, why don't we--
-[Vasquez] No!

This is no accident. There
can only be one explanation.

The boys have been taken!

-Did you say taken?
-Isn't it obvious?

Why else would they
just suddenly disappear?

- When in doubt,

just roll with it...
roll with it... roll with it.

Yes... they've been... taken.

-Hot diggity!

Then, what are we waiting for?

-We must rescue them!

[Bill] Aah!

Okay, Cricket, I've made us
a detailed agenda.

-Love a good agenda!
-We have a few simple things

to accomplish today.
Number one, balloons.

Number two, ice cream.
Number three?

Throw the most painstakingly
perfect party ever!

-Whoa, easy, Remy.

[sighs] Sorry, Cricket,
but I just want everything

to be perfect for Vasquez.

Are you sure your dad
can handle his job?

Of course! He's the most
dependable one in the family.

He's always got both feet
on the ground.

Well, we really are up in
the air, aren't we? [chuckles]

I guess a little side trip
won't hurt.

We'll just circle the city
a few times and then--

Oh, my gosh! Is that the ocean?!

Vasquez, where are we going?

-Enemy territory.
-Enemy territory?

Who exactly do you think
took the boys?

My most dangerous foes--
The Order of The Fang.

They must have taken Remy
to get to me,

and your son was swept up
in the process.

Hold on, I'm sure there's
another rea--

Computer, launch Autopilot.

-Time to jump, Mr. Green.

Don't forget to pull the cord
before you land.

Distract and deliver, Bill.


Oof! Ohh...

I was thinkin', what if
someone else took the boys?

Heck, I bet it was someone
back in Big City!

You know, Nancy's
a real prankster--

-[jungle sounds]

You think we can wrap this up
in a half-hour or so?

[metal shearing]


[men grunt]

You've gone too far, this time,
Viper Fang.

[hisses] You've got a lot of
nerve coming back here

after what you did to the Order,
Tiger Fang!

What's happening?

You know I no longer
answer to that name.

You will refer to me
only as Vasquez!

Now, fellas, I'm sure we can
just talk this out.

-Okay, never mind.

Gotta update Cricket.
-[line ringing]

-Oh, uh, phone call.

-[Cricket on phone] Hi, Dad.

Boy howdy, you would
not believe--

Sorry, hang on a sec.

So, you're tellin' me
a place called

Every Balloon Ever
doesn't have a single

"Happy 10 Year
Bodyguard-aversary" balloon?

I don't make the balloons, kid,
I just blow 'em up.

Who even has a bodyguard,

I do! And you're gonna
honor your store's name,

even if I have to make you
hand-draw 600 balloons

until your wrists turn to dust!

Sorry about that. Remy's
gettin' a little intense.

Hope things are goin' better
on your end.

-Funny you should bring that up.

-Things are actually--
-[Remy] Periwinkle, I said!

Vasquez's favorite color
is periwinkle!

I gotta go, Dad. Remy's
gone full Bridezilla.

-See you at six!
- [ends call]

Cuttin' it a little close, Bill.

If I can distract
just a little longer,

I should be able to
deliver him by six.

-[Fang members groaning]
-Oh. You got 'em all!

Viper Fang ran off
toward the dungeon.

That must be where
he's keeping the kids.

Well, that just sounds un-swell.

Strange time for a phone call,
Mr. Green.

Who were you talking to?

Uh, telemarketer. They
always call at the worst times.

Hey, didn't you say somethin'
about a dungeon?

Let's go check that out!


-[door creaks]
-Welp, big empty room!

I don't see anybody--
Jiminy Christmas! A skeleton!

But, uh, thankfully,
it's not Cricket or Remy.

So, we can just turn back and--

-Not so fast, Mr. Green.

Ever since the boys
went missing,

you've been acting
very strange.

Your abnormally high

makes you extra suspicious.

Heh, basements are always
so stuffy.

There's only one explanation...

You're a secret Fang operative!

I can explain-- Wait, what?

That's why you lured me here.

What other explanation
could there possibly be?

- Just roll with it.

Ye... Ya got me, Vasquez.

Got my membership card
in my billfold!

They call me, uhh, Moose Fang!

Well, you found me out,
so it looks like

you'll just have to
take me back to Big City.

[Vasquez] I've got
a better idea, Moose Fang.

I'd rather leave you here
for a long, long time.

-[key rattles in lock]
-Wait! What about the kids?

I'll find them on my own.

What am I gonna do?!

I can't die in a dungeon!

-[phone rings]
-Oh, my gosh! Hello!

[Cricket] Please tell me you're
on your way with Vasquez.

Things have gotten really bad
with Remy!

Cricket! Which flavor do you
think Vasquez will like?

"I Can't Believe It's
Not Butterscotch"

or "Cake, Cookie, Brownie,
Take Away The Frownie"?

Just taste 'em again, buddy!

It's ice cream.
How hard can it be?

-Extremely hard!

Vasquez's taste buds
must experience nirvana!

Bring on the next flavors,
dairy jockey!


Oh, I need some good news.

Please, tell me
you're on your way.

Um, actually son, I don't think
we're gonna make it.

What are you talkin' about?

Turns out, I'm not very good
at distracting,

and I'm especially not good at
deliverin'. Just like I thought.

Listen, Dad, I picked you
for the most important job

'cause out of all the members
of the Green family,

you're the most dependable.
No matter the difficulty,

you always figure out a way
to come out on top.

I hear ya, loud and clear,

-[Lloyd] Ow!
-Oh! Gotta run.

Remy just taste-tested
the ice cream guy's hand.

I believe in you, Dad!

-Thanks, son, I won't let you--
-[call ends]

Oh, he hung up.
All right, what do we got?

Some rocks... more rocks...
even more rocks.

Just a bunch of rocks.
I guess that makes sense

for an underground jail cell.
You got any ideas?


Why didn't I think of that?!


-[door creaks]
-Whittle Caesar, does it again!

Vasquez! Vasquez!
Oh, he's not here!

Think, Bill, where
could he have gone?

-[fighting in distance]

Oh, my gosh!

You've lost your edge.
You must be getting old.

I don't know why you came back,
but I'll enjoy thrashing you.

Give me what is mine, or
you shall feel my full wrath!

I don't know what you're
talking about, but come get it!

Cobra dart attack!



Ooh! [gasps] He's okay!
Kind of...

[evil laugh] Hi-yah!

Come on, Bill Green,
think of somethin'!

Mm! Ah! Okay, new plan.



Any last words, Tiger Fang?

I've told you before,
my name is--

Vasquez! [chuckles]
Smooth as a--

-Tractor. Get in!

You think I'd ever-- Unh!
Trust you-- Wahoo! Moose Fang.

No, I lied to you, Vasquez,
and I'm sorry.

So, I'm coming clean.
The truth is--

Oh, my gosh!
What is that thing?!

-What? Wait, I don't see any--

Huh! Whoa!

Distract and deliver!

You can't run forever,
Tiger Fang!

Stay in your hiding positions!
Vasquez'll be here any minute!

What's taking them so long?
They should be here by now!

Remy, they're probably
just being fashionably late.

This is gonna be the worst

anyone has ever thrown! [cries]


I just need a little one
to tide me over.

You may as well eat them all!

It's 6:01, and Vasquez and
Mr. Green are never--


Your tricks won't save you now,
Moose Fang!


Huh? What? Master Remy!

Happy Bodyguard-aversary,

A party? For me? You even
got periwinkle balloons!

-So, this was your secret?

Thank you, Mr. Green.
Sorry I almost ended you.

Ah, no big deal.
I just rolled with it.

I knew you could do it, Dad!

Son, wow! You would not believe
the day that I've had--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure
you had it real tough.

but did you have to
deal with Remy all day?

[Remy] Cream puffs?!
Vasquez only eats puffed creams!


No, son. No, I did not.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
By a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and
Scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs
Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
In seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again. ♪