Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Barry Cuda/Suite Retreat - full transcript

( whistling )

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Read 'em and weep.
Ah ha ha!

Ma, for the last time,
we're playin' Go Fish.

Shut up
and give me money.

Hey, guys, hey, guys,
hey, guys, hey, guys,
hey, guys, hey, guys.

- I can't wait to show
you what I bought.
- Bought?

Yeah. I made ten bucks
by tacklin' a bird.

- What does that even mean?
- Just listen.

So there I was,
workin' at the cafe



to pay back
my destruction debt,

doin' a real good job,
when all of a sudden,

I noticed two best friends
bein' harassed by an intruder.

Oh, my gosh, Terry,
do something!

Bein' a professional, I knew
just how to tackle the problem.

Get your gross face
outta here, bird.

Be gone, sky rat.

And I was met
with a pleasant surprise.

Tiny boy,
you saved our brunch,

and our lives.
Thank you so much.

Terry, oh, my gosh,
give him a tip already!

Whillikers! Ten dollars!

I thought about openin'
a savings account,

but instead,
I bought this.



♪ ♪

♪ Make you a wish ♪

♪ Look out,
it's a singin' fish ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Barry Cuda,
Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

[laughs]
A fish that can sing.

That's comedy.

His name's Barry Cuda.
Get it?

Yeah, great, son.

Speakin' of fish,
wanna come play
Go Fish with--

I love you so much,
Barry Cuda.

You're the first thing I ever
bought all by myself.

I'll never let anything
bad happen to you.

Well, I guess
you're occupied.

Tilly, you got any fours?

- [Barry Cuda music
plays loudly]
- What was that, Papa?

I said do you got
any fours?

Were you talkin' to me?

No, he was talkin' to--
What?

[loudly] I said
do you got any--

Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna go...

- [Gramma and Tilly
muttering]
- [music stops]

Aw, it makes me so sad
when you stop.

That's why I'm never
gonna let ya.

[music resumes]

Just a couple more
careful swipes,

and you'll be
a majestic stag.

- [music blares]
- Oh!

We are gathered here today
to join together

Phoenix and Cynthia Chicken.

If there is any reason
these two should not be wed,

- speak now or--
- [music blares]

♪ ♪

Oh, brother.

Ah!

[music continues]

Ooh, nature calls, Barry.

I'll be just a minute.

No peekin'.

♪ ♪

[humming]

- [music stops]
- Hm? Barry?

Hey, Barry, why'd you stop
singin'... [shrieks]

Barry!

Barry, hang on.

Cricket, what's goin' on?

There was an accident,

and Barry,
he ain't breathin'.

Well, I don't think he was
ever breathin' to begin with.

That doesn't matter now,
'cause he's gone.

[music resumes]

Barry! Oh, Barry,
I thought you were a goner

after that accident.

Wait a second.

This was no accident.

One of you tried
to murder Barry.

- Cricket, come on.
- What, Cricket?

I don't know how,
I don't know why.

Seriously, why?

But I'm gonna find out.

Remy, thanks for
comin' over.

You're the only one
I can trust.

Someone's tryin'
to kill Barry,

and we're gonna
find out who.

[yawns loudly]

Not sure how much
help I'll be.

I'm never up this late.
Feels kinda dangerous.

You have no idea.

I know this must
be awkward,

you bein' my old
best friend,

bein' asked to watch
my new best friend.

I was your
old best friend?!

Yeah, yeah,
listen, Remy.

I need you to watch
Barry while I catch
the perp.

Sure, Cricket.
No problem.

So do you have
any promising leads?

Oh, I have leads,
all right, Remy,
and I'll tell you what.

Things are about to get
real serious.

[snoring]

[music plays]

- ♪ Ooh, Barry Cuda ♪
- ♪ Barry Cuda ♪

Saxon, one day, I hope
to have a mustache

- as distinguished as yours.
- [door bangs open]

That day's gonna
have to be in jail!

Cover the door, Remy.

Literally?

[yawns]
On it.

Hi, Cricket.
What's goin' on?

I'll tell you
what's goin' on.

We're bringin' you in
for the attempted murder

of Barry Cuda.

You think I had it
in for Barry?

What makes you
think that?

Well, I'm glad
you asked.

Let me spell it
out for you, sis.

You fancy yourself
a singer.

- I do?
- Pretty good, too.

- Oh, thank you.
- Until...

Barry burst onto the scene,

and with the voice of an angel,
he stole the spotlight.

Not taking kindly
to bein' upstaged,

you plotted
to squish the fish.

With an axe!

What do you have to say
for yourself?

I fear the yarn you spin

threatens to unravel
the fabric of your own sanity.

Aha! So you confess.

Let's bring her
to jail, Remy.

- [sighs]
- Remy!

Remy, where's Barry?

Huh? Oh, he must've slipped
out of my sleepy little fingers.

- [smoke alarm beeps]
- Also, something's burning.

It's comin' from
the kitchen.

What's goin' on?

♪ ♪

Barry, hang on.
I gotcha!

[screams]

Barry!

It's true what they say.

Those who burn brightest
burn fastest.

Oh, Cricket,
I'm so sorry.

- [music resumes]
- It's still alive!
- Barry, you're okay!

It's all right.

It doesn't need
to stay in.

But if this happened when
we were interrogatin' Tilly,

that means she must
be innocent.

The plot, it bethickens.

Welcome back to
Conspiracy News,

where we tell you
the truth, or do we?

Hello, Gramma.

Hello, Gramma.
Wait a second.
You're not my gramma.

What's the matter with you?

Ain't you ever heard of
knockin'?

I don't know.
Have you ever heard of

why'd you try
to kill my fish?!

Try to? If I wanted
to kill somethin',

it'd be dead.

What makes you think
I did this?

Two weeks ago,
family movie night.

We were watchin'
that scary movie.

It was horrifying,
and you came to realize

how terrified you are
of fish.

[shrieks]

And so, you snuck in
to Tilly's room,

knocked out Remy.

Sh. Go to sleep now.

Stole Barry,
and fried him up.

And then you did
one of those maniacal laughs.

[laughs maniacally]

Have you lost
your gol-durn mind?

She's not denyin' it.
Remy, arrest her.

Sorry, ma'am.
May I arrest you?

Not unless you want me
to bite your ear off.

No! Wait, which one?

- Your favorite one.
- No!

Cricket, you ain't presented
a lick of evidence

that I murdered
Bobby what's-his-name.

You ain't got
nothin' on me.

Dang it. If it wasn't you,
then who was it?

Who's doin' this?

- Cricket, it's
time for bed.
- You!

- Huh?
- I know you did it.

What are you
talkin' about?

You and Barry used to be
old fishin' buddies.

[Dad] How does that
even make sense?

When I became his new buddy,
you got jealous.

[growls]

You prepared
a dark sacrifice,

wept bitterly,

then completed
the sacrifice,

and as he burned,
you punched him.

You were tryin' to
fry him up, you monster!

Cricket, you need
to settle down.

You're goin'
a bit wild.
I didn't burn Barry.

I want you to look Barry
in his melted eyes,

and say that.
Remy!

- [snoring]
- Remy!

Oh, geez,
I did it again.

Remy, where's... huh?

[Barry singing in distance]

Barry! I thought for sure

someone was tryin'
to kill ya again.

[screams]

[distorted music plays]

[gasps]

You're okay!

But if Tilly is innocent,

and it couldn't have been
Gramma or Dad, then...

who did this to you?

Everyone seems innocent.

How do we catch
who did this?

Hmmm. Wait a minute.

I'm startin' to suspect
it might've been you, Remy.

Oh, my goodness.
Was it me?

I must've done it
in my sleep.

Of course.
It all makes sense.

I'm a sleep killer!

Nah, never mind.
You're too soft
to be a killer.

Oh. Then who did it?

I don't know, but I'm
about to find out.

[music plays]

We're gonna
use the fish
as bait.

Mmm. Sounds good.

- Dad?
- Oh, Barry.

Still singin'.

Dad, get out of the way.

I'm waitin' for
the murderer to show up.

What's that now, Barry?

You want an axe
in your head?

Well, allow me!

Barry! It was Dad
all along.

Oh, no.
The zipper's stuck.

Remy, help me out.

Darn that boy's
early bedtime.

Bill, stop.

I want a piece
of this action.

Gramma was in on it, too?

Here's Tilly.

- Do it, Tilly!
- Tilly, all right!

It was everyone?

Let's finish this...
together.

No!! Don't!

Cricket? Uh...

It's not what
it looks like.

How could you?

How could all of you?

- Cricket...
- It was not my intention...

Look, we know
you love Barry,
but he was just--

But it was so annoyin'!

He drove us crazy.

To the point of murder.

Wait. You guys
all hated him?

It wasn't hate so much as
a deep and abidin' loathing.

[music plays weakly]

We're really
sorry, son.

We just...

[all gasping]

What the...
What happened?

- What happened
to the fish?
- Barry. Is he...

He's dead.

- Cricket!
- It wasn't us.
- We promise.

I know. I did it.

I killed Barry.

I loved Barry.

He was the first thing
I ever got to buy

with my own money,
But I love you guys more.

and I can't put
a price on that.

Hey, wait a second.

How'd you, um...
kill Barry?

I just took
the batteries out.

- Oh.
- Right.
- The batteries.

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Barry Cuda
Ooh ♪

What? It's a catchy tune.

-[Bill] Cricket? Cricket!
-[snorting] Huh?

[grumbles]

[Tilly] Cricket!
Papa's calling you!

-[Cricket] What?!
-[Bill] Tell Gramma
we're makin' waffles!

[Cricket]
I think she's asleep!

[Bill]
Well, then quiet down!

You're gonna wake her up!

[cat yowls]

Ooh! Finally.

A nice, quiet moment
to enjoy my tea.

[Tilly]
♪ La la la la ♪

♪ Mud animals,
makin' mud animals ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

Havin' fun, Saxon?

Tilly!
Mud bomb fight!

[both grunting]

Grrr!

Welcome back to...

Guess How Many!?

the show where contestants
have to guess

how many things
are in another thing!

Todd here
just has to guess

how many marbles
are in the fishbowl.

The clock starts now.

-[clock ticking]
-Ha! Okay, well,

it's definitely more than 12,
but less than a million?

Oh, geez, I don't know!

He'll never get it.
He's weak!

Two, four, six, eight--

[host]
No counting!

[imitating airplane
and gunfire]

Tilly!
Get out of the way!

Gramma's tryin'
to watch her shows!

If Dirtbag's ever gonna
become a fighter pilot,

he has to log
more flight hours!

[imitates airplane]

[yowls]

Tilly,
get down from there!

Okay, Papa.

'Cause I've got to get
up there to fix that bulb.

Bill Green, you get
off there right now!

Now, get, boy! Get!

[Cricket] Hey!
Has anyone seen my spider?

I'm lookin'
for my lost spider.

Come on, little buddy,
don't you want to
join your friends?

Aha! [straining]

Boy, you better move
your little heiney
outta my TV screen!

Ah! Aah!
Dang it, Bill!

Oops! Sorry, Ma!

Hidin'
behind the plugs, huh?

-Nice try spider!
-[host] And the answer is...

That's it!

[yowls]

Ever since you moved in,

I haven't had a lick of peace
with all your shoutin'

and messin'
and bein' in my way!

Sorry, Ma!

I can see how the three of us
movin' in

has been a lot to get used to.

It's like you need
a break from us or somethin'.

A break?

I'll pack your bags!

Bags?

Ha! [muttering]

Ma, would you be so kind
as to tell us

what the heck you're doin'?

I'm kickin' you out
of my house for the night.

I booked you a reservation

in the Comfy Suites Hotel
around the corner,

so I can finally get
you rugrats outta my hair!

We get to stay
in a hotel tonight?

Well, that sounds
real nice.

We'll get to have
our own staycation.

-All right!
-Whoo!

[both] Staycation!

[chanting]
Stay-cation! Stay-cation!

Stay-cation!

Stay-cation! Stay-cation!

Enough!

Time to go!

All right, Ma,
see you tomorrow.

-If you get lonely
or anything...
-Ha!

you know where to find us.

[door creaks]

Ahh! Finally
some peace and quiet.

Stayin' at a hotel's
a big deal, kids.

They got people to do
everything for ya.

Wow.

[shouting]
Thank you, sir!

Pretty fancy.

Welcome to Comfy Suites,

where you'll
always feel comfy

and never grumfy.
[laughs]

Kids, laugh.

[forced laughter]

[laughing hysterically]

[under his breath]
Cricket! That's enough!

Here's your room key,
Mr. Green.

Ooh! And be sure to take
a complimentary mint.

Complimentary.
What's that mean?

It means they'll look good
with your outfit.

It also means
they're free, silly.

-Free?!
-Free?!

[gobbling]

Ahem! Actually,
only taking one is customary.

What's that now?

Ugh! I hope he didn't
bring bedbugs with him.

Shush it, Logan.

We cannot afford
any more bad customer reviews.

Here's a list
of all the hotel's
complimentary amenities.

A complimentary list
of complimentary stuff.

I think I know what
we'll be doin' today.

Now with
some peace and quiet,

I've finally been able
to finish my needlepoint.

Ooh, that's nice.

Hmm. Oh, I've gotten
a little soft since
the family moved in.

Gotta tighten up!

Welcome to Camp Calisthenics,
maggots!

Now move! Move! Move!

Block! Lunge!

Lunge! Twist the knife!

Add a wheel kick!

Haaah!

-Now you!
-Whaa!

Huh? What the-- ?

Stop now!

Aah! Dang it, Cricket!

I said Cricket come get
your dang spiders!

Oh, that's right, he's gone.

Everyone's gone.

And I'm all the better
for it!

Now I'm goin' to the bathroom
with the door open.

Wow! The life of luxury.

You kids doin' all right?

-Doin' great.
-Oh, yeah!

Now that we have
all this complimentary ice,

you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

Complimentary swimsuits,
then hello, Polar Bear Club.

Oh, you know me so well.

Ahh! Some of my famous stew
should calm my nerves.

[slurps]

Mmm, needs salt.

Now, where did that salt
run off to?

Ohh! There it is!

Puttin' the salt
where I can't get it.

Bill, get in here and--

Oh, right.

No matter.

I actually prefer to

[straining]
get it myself.

Huh?

What are you starin' at?

What's the matter?

You never seen a grown woman
talk to herself?

Lots of folks talk to themselves
when they're lonely.

Uh, I mean alone!

How am I supposed to get
anything done

when I got you
starin' at me?!

[Bill] Would you look
at all these pamphlets?

I feel like I really am
at the botanical gardens.

Now I don't even have to go.

I would like to use
your complimentary
curlin' iron,

and then a complimentary
straightening iron...

-[groans]
-...to straighten
my complimentary curls.

Ahh. I'll have everything
sent to your room.

Oh, Logan, did you forget
to tell our nice guests

about our new
complimentary pancake bar?!

[both]
Pancake bar! Yay!

Breakfast for dinner!

-Whoo!
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Baah! Ooh!

Dang automatic doors
are messin' up
my entrance.

-Bill!
-Huh?! [stammers] Ma?

Pack your bags!
You're goin' home!

-What's wrong?
-You see this?

Yes, that's Tilly's.
Hello, Saxon.

Ma, what's this about?

All your stuff
keeps gettin' in my way!

So I need you and the kids
to come home

and clean up your junk.

But, Ma, you're the one
who wanted peace and quiet.

Wouldn't us comin' home
ruin all that?

Well, yes,
but what about him?

Ma, I'm puttin' my foot down.

We're stayin' here
and giving you
what you asked for,

a night of peace and quiet.

We'll see you tomorrow.

But-- But--

[both]
Bye, Gramma!

Have fun by yourself
in that big ol' empty house!

[Tilly] All alone!
Just like you wanted!

[TV host]
And the amount of marbles
in that shoe is--

Wow! Just one!
What a lonely number!

No other marbles.
How sad!

Such a lonely marble.

Alone! Alone! So alone!

Mmm!

[humming]

Ahem! Excuse me,
young lady.

There's a rowdy country
family on the third floor,

and, as a guest here,
they're ruinin' my stay!

You should kick 'em out!

[chuckling] Oh!

I'm sorry,
but anyone can stay here

and do just about anything.

[shudders]

Anyhoo, we'd
only send guests home

if there was
something truly awful
like a rodent infestation,

which would never happen.

An infestation, huh?

Gimme all the rats
you've got!

Sorry, all outta rats.

[ominous music playing]

[belches]

Got a special on hamsters.

Gimme all the hamsters
you've got!

[squeaking]

Hyah!

Hyuh-uh!

Ha ha! This ought
to do the trick.

[squeaking]

I'll trade ya two soaps
for two lobby magazines.

That's a no-brainer.
Done and done.

-[squeaking]
-Huh? What?!

What the-- ?!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, my!

What the-- ? Rats?!

[laughing]

[knock on door]

The complimentary pens
you requested.

-Huh?
-Well, hi, mister.

Uh, you came
at a weird time.

-What?!
-[squeaking]

Oh, my gosh!

[beeping]

You brought rats with you?!

This-- This is not
a pet-friendly hotel!

Yes!
It's working perfectly.

Papa, they're not rats.

They're hamsters.

Well, whatever they are,
we didn't bring 'em.

What kind of hotel
is this?

I'm afraid I need to ask
for our money back.

Okay, please don't do that.

I am so sorry
about this.

I had no idea
it was the hotel's fault.

How about I, um...

give you an upgrade
to a better room

and an extra night's stay?

Complimentary?

What is happening?

You think you can buy
our silence?

'Cause you can!

Oh, good. Very good.

I'll be back with hotel keys
to your new room.

Wow! We get to stay
an extra night!

An extra night?!

Ma?! What are you doin'
out there?

Get in here!

Wait a sec.

Did you fill our room
with hamsters?

It's not even my birthday.

Seriously, Ma,
it's not even Tilly's birthday.

What's gotten into you?

All right, all right.

I'm sorry I dumped
a bunch of hamsters
into your room.

I was tryin'
to infest the hotel

so they'd send you home.

-But why?
-'Cause I missed ya,
that's why!

I thought I was happier
before the family moved in,

but the truth is,
it was lonely and quiet,

and I'd rather
not go back to that.

I'm glad you're
livin' with me now.

Will you come home?

-Nope.
-What?

Heartless!

We're gettin' a free
upgraded hotel suite.

We're not goin' home.

But, Ma, we'd love it
if you'd join us.

That'd be wonderful.

Good. Now get in here.

You're makin' me nervous.

[Cricket]
Hey, Gramma, you want
a complimentary hamster?

[Gramma] No, boy,
I brought them here.

You're welcome.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got
Bit by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Bit by a frog
Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
At seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪