Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 8 - Dangerous Diaper Dan - full transcript

Darrin has been working hard on the Wright Pen campaign. So he and Larry are flabbergasted when their competitor, Kimberley Advertising, pitches the exact same campaign to Wright just an hour before them. Given a twenty-four hour reprieve from Wright, Darrin comes up with what he believes is even a better campaign. So they are even more surprised that Kimberley again pitches the exact same idea to Wright before them. Larry believes there is a mole somewhere in the company, or a bug planted somewhere in the office, as once can be a coincidence, but twice is too improbable to be such. They become so paranoid that Darrin even blames Samantha, who knew of both campaigns, as being the mole through what has been her excessive gossiping of late. This blame places a strain in their marriage. However, both don't fully realize how correct Darrin is, as the mole is their diaper delivery man, Dan, who is working for Kimberley and who planted a bug in a rattle he gave to Tabatha. If Samantha or Darrin finds out, Dan has cause to be worried about the wrath of a powerful witch.

Louise, I don't want to hear
about it. I'm not interested. I don't...

Really?

What? Who?

They didn't?

They did? Sam?

The Camdens had a
fight, and he left the house?

Sam? When?

Last night. And he took
all the wedding presents?

Sam!

Oh, um, hi, sweetheart. Uh,
breakfast will be ready in a minute.

You said that 20 minutes ago.



Louise, I'll call you
back. I can't talk now.

Honey, you know
how I hate gossip.

Darrin, I wouldn't even listen to
anything about anyone unless it was good.

And, boy, was that good!

Samantha! Okay, Darrin.

[Knocking At Door] I'll get it.

It's diaper day.

Diaper Dan, at your
service. Hi, Mrs. Stephens.

Just put it down
anywhere, Dan. Ma'am.

Say, you know, Mrs. Stephens,

your husband being in the
advertising business gave me an idea.

Here. I thought it up myself.

"Compliments of Diaper
Dan." Isn't that cute?

Oh, no, you keep the rattle.



I want your baby to have
the first one on the block.

Thank you, Dan.
That's very sweet of you.

Well, I gotta be going.

Oh, say, did you happen to see the
moving van in front of the Kirkebys'.

The Kirkebys are moving? Not
only that. Wait till you hear why.

The fountain of
trivia runneth over.

Dan, I'm not interested.

Well, it's just that
Harry... Mr. Kirkeby,

and his secretary...
That gorgeous blonde...

- How gauche.
- Maybe just a word or two.

Sam, for heaven sakes! Dan?
I have to be going. So long.

Sam, can't you understand that
loose talk can be a dangerous thing?

All right, all right. You're right.
Even Mother agrees with you.

Up to a point. It's not that I'm
opposed to gossip, you understand.

It's this banal, mundane
type that bores me.

Darrin, I was not
gossiping. I was listening.

Besides, who's going to know
what's been said here today?

That's what Lincoln said
in his Gettysburg Address.

[Clicks]

[Darrin's Voice] How you can
even listen to him is beyond me.

[Samantha's Voice] But,
darling, Dan meant no harm.

[Darrin] Dan has
got a big mouth.

[Whispering] Hello, this is Dragonfly
calling Mother Hubbard. Over.

[Man] Mother Hubbard calling
Dragonfly. We read you. Go ahead.

Well, it worked. I planted
a mike in the baby's rattle.

Everything's coming
in loud and clear.

[Man] Good work. Report
in as soon as you can. Over.

Roger and out.

Hello, Louise.

Oh, I just had a
hunch it was you.

Yes, Darrin's left.

Well, we had a few words,
but everything's all right now.

Yes. It's because he's been working
so hard on that Wright campaign,

but he's come up with
some wonderful ideas.

The only good idea he ever had
was marrying you, I regret to say.

Shh, Mother. Hmm?

Yes, I'm sure Larry's
going to love them.

He thought of a
marvelous slogan.

"The Wright pen is
the write pen for you."

Wright. Like in W-R-I-G-H-T.

And write like in W-R-I-T-E.

Clever, huh?

[Samantha's Voice]
Like in W-R-I-G-H-T.

And write like in
W-R-I-T-E. Clever, huh?

I'll say it is!

Peterson, get right on it. Use
everything that's on that tape.

Yes, sir, Mr. Kimberley.

I'll pull that Wright account right
out from under McMann and Tate.

What I wouldn't give to see Larry Tate's
face when he makes his presentation.

What do you mean you've
already seen this presentation?

We just finished it last
night. Isn't that true, Darrin?

Yes! We've spent a great deal of time and
thought on this. We think it's very good.

Oh, it's good. But as I
said, I saw practically

the same thing at
the Kimberley office.

At least you could
be more original.

More original? More original!

Nobody's more original than
McMann and Tate. Furthermore, Mr...

Steady, Larry, steady. Mr. Wright,
before you make any decisions,

we'll get started on another
presentation right away. Fair enough?

Fair enough. I'll
give you 24 hours.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I can't understand it. How could
Kimberley come up with the same idea?

Oh. Well, it
happens. It happens.

We'll just have to chalk it
up to coincidence. Uh-oh.

Don't look now, but
guess who just came in.

Who? Kimberley.

Maybe if we ignore
him, he'll crawl away.

Well, Tate and Stephens.
This is a coincidence.

I was just saying
the same thing, A.J.

Were you? How's business, Tate?

Oh, make a million,
lose a million. [Laughing]

I just heard about your tough
luck with the Wright account.

Well, you can't win
them all. [Laughing]

- Who says we lost it?
- I just took it for granted.

- We'll think of something, A.J.
- I'm sure you will, Stephens.

Just as long as we
don't think of it first.

Mr. Kimberley, I believe
our table's ready, sir.

Oh. Well, see you
in the rat race, boys.

And there goes King Rat.
Meaning, you don't trust Kimberley.

I wouldn't trust him as far
as I could throw an elephant.

An elephant. Larry, that's it.

I've got an idea for a new
presentation. I'll see you at the office.

It's just one of those
things, honey. A coincidence.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. You
mean, you lost the account?

Not yet. Your old Darrin's
still in there pitching.

But I will be
working late tonight.

I've got this great idea about an
elephant and a whole new slogan.

"An elephant never
forgets, but if you do,

write it down with the Wright
pen and you'll always remember."

Oh, that's marvelous!

Bye, darling.

[Endora] Pitch for it. There!

Oh, you want the crackers!
Hex it over for Grandmama.

There. That's a
good girl. Mother!

What? Don't encourage
her. Tabatha, mustn't twitch.

If Darrin ever catches
you, he'll be furious.

He'll never catch me. Besides,
the way your husband works nights,

I have this peculiar feeling
you're married to a night watchman.

It's an emergency. Darrin's working
on a simply marvelous new idea.

- Isn't he always?
- Naturally! But this one's a gas.

A... A what?

Oh, that's advertising
talk for sensational.

I want my rattle.

There you are. I probably
shouldn't mention it.

But it really is brilliant.

Darrin has an idea about using
an elephant and a slogan that goes:

"An elephant never forgets. If you
do, write it down with a Wright pen,

and you'll always remember."

[Samantha's Voice]
"you'll always remember."

How 'bout that? Great!

Yeah, I like it.

Peterson, rush it to the art
department, then over to Wright.

Yes, sir.

What? You couldn't possibly
have already seen these!

But I have, Mr. Tate,
just an hour ago.

Gentlemen, your lack of
inventiveness leaves me no alternative,

but to take my
account elsewhere.

Uh, Mr. Wright. Mr. Wright!

We realize that
presentations can be

coincidental. It's just
one of those things.

But we'll come up with
the winner, I promise you.

[Wright] I'll have to
make a decision soon.

Thank you, Mr. Wright.
You won't be sorry.

Larry! Larry, take it
easy. Take it easy.

I tell you, there's a
spy in this company.

Come on! You've been
seeing too many movies.

Once can be a coincidence.
I'll buy that. But twice? Never!

I hate to admit it,
but you may be right.

I know I'm right.

Uh, Larry, what are you doing?

[Whispering] I'm looking for a hidden
microphone. Your office must be bugged.

What's this?

So you put it in here,
huh, you little rascal?

Aha!

What's this?

Larry, this is a job
for professionals.

If there is a mike planted
in here, we'll never find it.

You're right. I'll get
security up here at once.

I'll have every lock replaced and
the combination of the safe changed.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this
if I have to give a lie detector test...

to everybody in the firm,
including myself... and you!

Thank you.

Larry, is this really
necessary? Absolutely.

This final presentation
is top secret.

I don't want you even to talk to
Sam about it. Now, that's an order.

Yes, sir. I was thinking...

Shh, shh. What's the matter?

[Whispering] The
olive. The olive?

The olive.

It may be bugged.

A mike?

A pimento.

Oh, hi, sweetheart!

Hi, darling. Still here, huh?

Oh! [Chuckles] I certainly
wouldn't leave without waiting...

for Mr. Charm to come home.

Oh, now, now, Mother.

Sweetheart, you look tired. Why
don't you sit down and unwind?

Dinner will be
ready in a little while.

Honey, hold it! Hold
it! What in the world?

Larry's idea. I've got
the key here somewhere.

Really, Durwood.

Aren't you carrying this ridiculous
cloak and dagger business too far?

Ridiculous? Two of my best ideas
stolen, and she calls it ridiculous.

We checked the
office, everything.

Of course.

There's a bug in this
house. I beg your pardon!

Mother, Darrin wasn't referring
to you, were you? Were you?

No, honey, a bug. A
microphone, a hidden microphone.

It could be hidden anywhere.
In a lamp, under the table.

Honey, have you discussed the
Wright campaign with anyone?

- No. Only Mother.
- I wouldn't repeat that drivel.

And Louise on the phone.

The phone? That's it.
They've tapped the phone.

From now on, you're to
stay away from that phone.

You're not to talk to anybody.
Not to anybody! Wait just a minute.

Because I casually mention your
campaign to my mother and your boss's wife,

are you trying to blame
me for your troubles?

Confiding in a woman is
like broadcasting by Telstar!

Then you shouldn't have told
me about it in the first place.

You shouldn't
have listened to me!

You don't have to
shout. I'm not shouting!

Perhaps you'd prefer it if
I didn't speak to you at all.

That would suit me just fine and that would
be like declaring a global news blackout.

I have a good mind
to go home to Mother!

What for? Your
mother's always here.

Oh!

Chief, they're not even
speaking to each other. Over.

Don't just sit there on your
diapers. Do something. Over.

Leave it to me. Roger and out.

Mother, look. Aren't
they gorgeous?

Let's see. Oh!

Ah, from Darrin with
all his trust and love.

Oh, Mother, isn't he wonderful?
I was afraid he'd chicken out.

"Darrin, with love, Samantha."

What a sweetheart.

All right, you can take your new
rattle to bed with you. Here you go.

Turn around. Let me
get this button fastened.

There. Pretty bow. Pretty
bow and the kitty cats...

Hi, honey. Hi, sweetheart.

Hello, darling. You look tired.

I've still got a lot more work to
do on the Wright presentation.

But, first... Oh,
Darrin, more roses.

My, you certainly are
extravagant, but sweet.

I like the tie you sent me.

What do you mean,
"more roses"? Why, these.

I didn't send you
any tie. You didn't?

Oh, wait a minute. Mother sent us
each a present to patch up our quarrel.

Endora? Are you kidding?

Sometimes she does what
you don't expect of her...

just to keep you from thinking that
you know what to expect from her.

Come to think of it, she did agree with
me the other morning. That's a switch.

See what I mean?
Mother's a switchy witch.

This is it, honey. The meeting's
at 10:00 and it's our last chance.

There had better not be another
coincidence. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Will you call me and let me
know how it went? I sure will. Bye.

Oh, sweetheart,
what about those?

Those are just rough
preliminary sketches.

Wish me luck. Good luck.

Good morning, Samantha.
Good morning, Mother.

Oh, more roses from lover boy?

The red ones are from him.

Mother, he came up with the most
marvelous idea for the campaign.

He was up all night working
on it, but it was worth it.

Everything's gonna
turn out just perfectly.

Oh, naturally. Here in Happiness House,
it wouldn't dare work out any other way.

Pooh. Pooh?

Have you sunk to
that level of repartee?

Pretty? What do you mean,
the red roses are from him?

Now, Mother, go ahead, admit
it. You know you sent the others.

I sent them? And Darrin wants
me to thank you for the necktie.

How utterly preposterous!

Not that I wouldn't like to
give Durwood a necktie.

Very funny. Sweet, isn't it?

Oh, Mother, wait a minute. If
you didn't send them, who did?

I haven't the faintest idea.

And what's more, I
couldn't possibly care less.

Well, I care. [Endora Laughing]

Um, Pat... Paterson...
Paterson Florist.

Information, could I have the phone
number for the Paterson Florist, please?

Oh, this is what
she calls brilliant?

He gets paid for this?

Are you sure there
isn't some mistake?

There's no reason in
the world for him to send...

Well, you see he's our...

You're positive. All right,
thank you. Thank you very much.

Diaper Dan?

Diaper Dan? [Chuckles]

Diaper Dan?

Oh, well, since I merely possess
supernatural powers of the highest degree,

perhaps I'm not
expected to understand.

Would you mind telling
me what is so brilliant...

about an astronaut
in an ad, or this...

nauseating slogan,
"When you fly to the moon,

"you'll still be writing
with the Wright pen...

for there's only one right way to go into
space, and only one right way to write"?

Whew! Mercy! Of all the idiotic
things I've ever... Mother, listen.

Mother. What?

Of course!

But "of course" what?

Oh, how stupid! Stupid,
stupid, stupid! Well.

That's what I was saying about these
scribblings of your husband's. Shh.

[Whispering] Mother? What?

Do you remember what
Darrin said about a bug

being in the house that
could be hidden anywhere?

Mother, there it
is. There's the bug.

[Engine Revving]

There goes Diaper Dan! And thanks to you,
there goes another one of Darrin's ideas.

[Engine Sputtering]

Oh, splendid, Samantha!

Wait till you see this one.
Out of the mouths of babes.

Something wrong, Dan?

[Laughing] I lost my engine.

Who said that?

I did, Dan. I did.

Can I help?

May I, Samantha? Be my guest.

[Chuckles]

Smashing, Mother!

Oh! [Popping Sounds]

[Chuckles]

[Laughing]

Oh, well.

♪♪ [Whistling]

Oh, my! Goodness me.
Good morning, sweetheart.

Well, you certainly are in
a good mood this morning.

Couldn't be better. Coffee's
good, my paper's here.

I've got a beautiful wife and a
satisfied client. You couldn't miss.

The presentation was sensational. I
caught a glimpse of it the other night.

- You saw it?
- Mm-hmm. And you thought
I couldn't keep a secret.

- Well, what do you know?
- [Knocking At Door]

I'll get it.

Good morning, Mrs.
Stephens. Good morning, Dan.

You can put it
right over there. Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, Mrs. Stephens, there'll
be a "drew niver" stopping by.

I mean, a new driver stopping
by for a while. He's going on...

I mean, I'm going on vacation.

How nice! Have a good time.

Good time? I'm spending a month
at The Country Air Rest Home.

Did Dan say he was going
to a rest home? Yes, dear.

Well, he did seem
a little confused.

You might even
say he was... rattled.