Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 9 - Don't Quote Me - full transcript

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

Okay, next one.

Who said, "Give me
liberty or give me death"?

My teacher.

With you in her class
I can understand why.

You didn't read this, did you?

Well, I wasn't
expecting trick questions.

Katie, it says right
here in big bold letters,

"Patrick Henry,
Voice for Freedom."

Who cares about history?



That stuff's already happened.

I want to live in the future.

Well, in the future, you'll be
still trying to pass the third grade.

KRAUS: (SHOUTING)
Don't touch that!

Miss Kraus.

Yes?

Who turned up this thermostat?

I did.

Some fool turned it down.

Well, the fool's doing it again.

It's way too warm in
here. It is perfect in here!

At least it was, until
you came along,

trying to change everything.

Now, leave it alone.



I'm sorry, Miss
Kraus, I must insist.

If you insist, Benson,
you will be sorry.

It stays where it is.
That's your opinion.

And a very good
one, I might add.

Good morning. Oh, no, it isn't.

Right, that's what I meant.

It's a total disaster
is what it is.

It's all over, we're
finished. Now, where is he?

I don't know. He's not here.

Well, we have to find him
before he sees that newspaper.

I know that.

Listen, if it's something
I can help with...

Just staying out of the way,
Benson, would be a big help.

Thank you.

And I'd like some coffee.

So would I. Make enough for two.

I don't know how you're gonna
break this news to the Governor.

Me? Why should I
be the one to tell him?

Well, you're his secretary.
Well, you're his aide.

Oh, he's going to be furious.

Oh, sure, that's why
you wanted me to tell him.

You know, he is liable to...

Morning, Governor.
Oh, good morning.

Nice to see you, sir.

Nice to see you, too, Taylor.

Good morning, Katie,

Benson, Miss Kraus.
Morning, Governor.

Well, it certainly is a
beautiful day, isn't it?

Birds chirping away,

big cotton-ball clouds
floating across the sky.

It's mornings like this that
make a person feel good all over.

You want to bet?

Sir... Oh, thank you.

All I need now is my paper.

The, uh, newspaper.

For some reason I couldn't
find mine this morning.

I couldn't find mine, either.
The dogs beat me to it.

Pity they only got the paper.

Actually, the newspaper
wasn't printed today.

It was a holiday. Strike!

(EXCLAIMS)

The thing was, it... it
was a holiday strike.

They were striking
for more holidays.

I didn't hear about a strike.

(TALKING TOGETHER)

I'll send someone
for the newspaper

while they work out their act.

All right, sir,

I withheld the paper from you.

You're not going
to like it today.

No Doonesbury?

I'm afraid that the lead story
has to do with an alleged remark

you made about
Senator Englehart.

An unfavorable remark.

Well, what was it?

Well, you were quoted as saying

that if Senator Englehart's brain were
put into a bird it would fly backwards.

This is serious, Benson.

Senator Englehart
controls the crucial votes

on the Governor's
insurance reform bill.

Without his support, the
entire program's in jeopardy.

Oh, so everything's
riding on the birdbrain.

Would you mind not doing
that while we're talking?

You have an office
for your meetings.

Oh, yeah.

Let's face it, Governor.
We have a leak.

Oh, I'm sure Benson will get
it fixed. No, this is important.

No, what I'm saying is

that information could only
have come from this house.

Or someone in it.

Exactly.

Someone who heard you say it

and leaked it to that reporter.

Someone who has your
complete confidence.

Someone on the staff.

Someone who has...
Okay, okay. We get the idea.

Hurts to think that you can't
trust somebody in your own home.

I remember when I was a boy...

No, no, listen to this, Benson.

When I was a...
My own brother...

Well, you just
couldn't trust him.

See, what he'd do, he'd
bite himself on the arm...

No, no, listen. He would
bite himself on the arm

and then he'd tell our
folks that I did it to him.

Yeah, no... He... And he'd
show them the teeth marks, see,

and then I'd really catch heck.

And he got away with
it, too, for a long time,

until finally one day he
walked into a doorknob

and he lost a few teeth

and the teeth marks
didn't match up, you see.

So, of course, his
sins found him out.

With all due respect,
Governor, who cares?

We have a leak here.

But that's just my
point. We can't tolerate it.

Oh, I intend to catch
whoever's responsible, sir.

And they must be let go.

Well, what happens if
you can't find out who it is?

I'm afraid the Governor's just
going to have to let everyone go.

That hardly seems fair.

Katie, you've gotta get going,
honey. You'll be late for school.

But this is a learning
experience. Government in action.

So, I'm a little late.

Sweetheart, with the way you
study, you should get there early.

Come on, honey, I'll
walk you to the car.

I'll get you a sweater.

Bye. See you later.

Assuming you're still here.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, we didn't have any
leaks before you came.

I'm sorry, Bill, I can't
see you anymore.

Look, I really can't
discuss it right now.

(WHISPERS) No. And
don't call me here again.

That was a personal
call, Benson.

(WHISPERING) I could tell.

Why were you sneaking around?

(WHISPERING) I wasn't
sneaking. Why were you whispering?

(WHISPERING) I was whispering
because you were sneaking.

(WHISPERING) Well, just
because I sneak, doesn't mean I leak.

I wasn't the one on the phone.

Whispering is not leaking.
That was not what you think.

I didn't think anything.
You were thinking leaking.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on, Marcy,
what are we doing?

I'm sorry. I don't
think it's you.

If anyone's gonna get
canned, it's gonna be me.

No, it'll be me. I'm the
new one around here.

You're not the one who's had a
couple of dates with a reporter.

Oh?

Who works for the Herald. Uh-oh.

He did not write the story,
but you can see how it looks.

Marcy, in your position, how
could you go out with a reporter?

Because he has some
very nice qualities.

He's a man.

And he has a job.

Benson, this is a
government town.

There are three
women to every man.

No wonder politicians
never get anything done.

Okay, it was a risk.

Look, but I did not tell him anything
that goes on in this house, I swear to you.

It isn't possible that maybe
in a moment of passion

you might have moaned
confidential information?

Taylor, in a moment of passion

I'm certainly not gonna
quote the Governor.

You know what they say.

A woman is like a violin.

Stroke the right string and
she'll sing any tune you want.

(KRAUS EXCLAIMING)

Did you say, "Ha"?

No.

Miss Kraus, could you
come here a moment, please?

What do you want?

Oh, just curious what
you're doing in the closet.

It's none of your business
what I do on my break.

(RINGING)

Yo.

No, she's busy right now.
Can I take a message?

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, got it.

Okay, Kraus,

that was a certain Dennis
Jenkins from the Herald.

He says he needs the
information right away

to meet his deadline.

Perhaps this needs
some explanation.

I'd love to hear it.

He was calling me back
because I wanted to place

an advertisement
in the newspaper.

Oh, really?

What sort of an ad, Miss Kraus?

I was looking for a stud.

Don't look at me.

For the dogs.

Do you really expect
us to believe that?

Well, who'd make up
something like that?

Taylor, why don't you just
call the man at the paper?

Go ahead, he'll
tell you it's the truth.

Sure he will. A newsman will
say anything to protect his source.

What are you saying?

Let's face it, Miss Kraus.
You're the leak, aren't you?

Taylor, come on.

I know why you
are singling me out.

Because I'm German.

Mein Gott, we give you Einstein and
Volkswagen and still you don't forget.

Come on, I just asked
you a simple question.

Which I do not intend
to dignify mit an answer.

It doesn't seem to me that an
innocent person would mind answering.

Taylor...

I may seem like a simple
peasant girl to you, Taylor,

but I would never
give an oaf like you

the satisfaction of firing me,

und so, I quit.

Well, there you go.

Did you hear
that? She's quitting.

I got the leak.

I can't believe this.

He's turned this whole
thing into a witch hunt.

Well, if he was looking for a
witch, he got the right person.

But if he was
looking for the leak,

I'm not so sure.

I'll be out of here in
the morning, Benson.

You're just gonna let
Taylor run you out, huh?

It has become intolerable here.

First you, now this.

But you aren't the
leak. I am not the leak...

What?

You believe me? Yeah.

Why? Because you like me?

No.

Because you feel sorry for me?

No.

Because I might make the dogs
attack you if you don't believe me?

No.

I believe you because when you
do something rotten to somebody,

you just do it. Nothing
subtle or sneaky about it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

The point is, leaving's
not gonna solve anything.

The leak will still be here

and you'll be out of a good job.

Just give us some time
to find out who really did it

and that way we
can help clear you.

You think this is possible?

I don't know.

How are you going
to do it? I don't know.

Well, how long will it take?

I don't know.

You have all the
answers, don't you?

Benson, could you take care of
these supply requisitions for me?

Sure.

I just talked to Kraus. I'm
convinced she's not the leak.

You think it's me. Is that what
you're saying? You still think it's me!

Oh, please.

Look, Benson, if you don't think
it's Kraus and you don't think it's me,

who's left, you?

Mmm-hmm. Or Taylor.

Hmm. Taylor.

Oh, why would he do it?

Well, ambition.

Yeah.

Power.

Or maybe even greed.

Revenge.

Jealousy.

Of course, Taylor.

But we'd have to get some proof.

Right.

Benson, are you sure we don't suspect
him just because we don't like him?

That's another reason.

I'm in the Governor's
office now.

I'll get back to you
when he returns.

I just heard the news
about Miss Kraus.

Kraus, after all her
years of service...

Do you know she's been in this
house longer than the drapes?

What else could she do but
quit? She was caught red-handed.

I certainly thank you for getting
the matter cleared up, Taylor.

TAYLOR: My pleasure.

It was terrible. I
was getting afraid

to say anything around here.

I always had the feeling somebody
was looking over my shoulder.

Oh, well, that's all done...

Close the door!
You'll expose the film!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Can you give me an
explanation for this?

Not if we can get
by without one.

No, I'm afraid not.

Well?

Moths.

Say what?

We ran out of mothballs, so Benson
and I were trying to catch them.

We got one, too.
Show him, Benson.

Sir, Miss Kraus is not the leak,

and neither are Marcy and me.

What we were trying
to do was find out

who the real leak is.

Am I the object of your
personal surveillance?

Come on, Taylor,

are you trying to tell me that you're
above leaking something to the press?

Of course not, I've
been in politics too long.

But, look, I'm trying to get

Senator Englehart's
support for the bill.

Now why would I leak
something damaging like this?

That's true.

And may I just say, sir, that no
matter what anyone may think,

I would never leak anything

unless it was for personal gain.

Sorry we doubted your integrity.

I don't know.

Running the paper
mill was so much easier.

All I had to do
was go to meetings,

keep the books straight

and stay away
from the buzz saws.

See? No problem.

Who put this here? Did
one of you? What is it?

It says, "Kraus did not do it."

Each letter cut out
and neatly pasted in.

You wouldn't believe
some of the sloppy mail I get.

May I? Sure.

Governor, can I
take this for a while?

I think I may be
able to clear this up.

Show him a moth?

Okay.

Henry.

Katie.

Congratulations.

You caught me.

Katie, what are you
doing out of bed?

The criminal always returns
to the scene of the crime.

So, you did make the note?

I'm glad it's over with, Benson.

I was the leak.

You want to talk about it?

Well, I didn't tell it

to any reporters
or anything like that.

I only told it to
some kids at school.

Sure, I understand.

Just a few friends
sitting around discussing

Senator Englehart
and the insurance bill

over peanut butter sandwiches.

You don't know
what it's like, Benson.

Kids are always teasing me.

Saying mean things about my dad.

They don't know what he's like.

He's really a great daddy.

He is.

So I thought if they heard
some of the funny things he says

maybe they'd like him like I do.

So somebody told somebody
else and it wound up in the paper.

Don't kids play
hopscotch anymore?

I'm sorry Miss
Kraus got in trouble.

But when everybody
got so excited about it,

I figured I'd better keep quiet.

I didn't know what
to do, Benson.

Well, you know what
you've got to do now.

You have to tell your father.

Are you kidding? He'd kill me.

Did I ever tell you what happened
to me when I was eight years old?

Probably.

Well,

we used to have this
beautiful wind-up clock

that stood on the shelf at home.

It belonged to my
great-great-great grandmother.

Made a beautiful sound.

Bong-bong-bong...
I get the picture.

Well, anyway, one
day I was playing ball

in the house.

Now I've been told
a thousand times,

"Don't play ball in the house."

But there I was. The ball hit
the clock, the clock hit the floor,

after that it went thunk-thunk.

Well, I put it back up
on the shelf real quick.

But when my daddy
came home he said,

"What happened to the clock?"

And I said, "What clock?"

He didn't say anything
else, he just left the room.

But I was feeling so
guilty, I didn't sleep a wink.

I had that busted clock
chasing me all night long.

So, what did you do?

Well, I finally had to go in
and tell him what happened.

And he understood?

Sure, he understood.

And then he whipped
the daylights out of me.

You talk about the truth hurts.

(WHISTLES)

But, hey, I'll tell you, it's better
than trying to live with all that guilt.

I don't know.

I'd like to take a shot
learning to live with it.

Come on.

Wait. I've got a better idea.

You tell him.

He'd rather hear it from you.

How about a postcard
from Bermuda?

Go.

(DOOR CLOSES)

GOVERNOR: Benson. Oh,
Governor, Katie was looking for you.

Oh, she found me. Thanks.

Well, it must be rough
being the governor's daughter.

Well, being the
governor ain't no picnic.

But, as a father, I never
know when to spank.

You know, on the one hand, I don't
want to punish her for telling the truth,

but she was wrong
not to speak up sooner.

She caused a lot of people a
lot of trouble by not speaking out.

Still... So, what
did you decide?

Well, let's just say
there were a few tears.

Of course, bent over my
knee, she couldn't see them.

Taylor, you can't... Listen,
I know what I'm doing.

Then why do you do it?

Governor, I think we have what
we need with a little girl's confession.

Oh?

You deny having said
anything about Englehart.

It was a gross
misrepresentation on her part.

Then we'll publicly denounce it

as the statement of an
insensitive and irresponsible child.

Why stop there?

Let's drag her into the
town square and stone her.

Don't you see, Governor,
it gets you off the hook.

I'm afraid I couldn't do
that, Taylor. She said it.

And after all, I said it.

No, I've got to tell the
truth and take my chances.

I think the best thing
now might be to apologize.

Apologize? To Englehart?
He'll never fall for that.

I was thinking of Miss Kraus.

Oh, my.

We should do that right
away. Don't you agree, Taylor?

Absolutely, great idea.

I take it you heard. Yes.

That was a good
thing you did for me.

No.

Well...

Benson.

(THANKING IN GERMAN)

You're welcome, Miss Kraus.

However, this changes nothing.

I still do not like you.

You sentimental fool.

(DOGS BARKING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

What did they want,
the sports section?

Good morning. Good
morning, Governor.

Hi, Benson. Good morning, Katie.

Did you study your
homework? Patrick Henry.

Patrick Henry what?

I haven't gotten that far yet.

Well, you don't get as far as
the front door until you do it.

That was quite a story in the
paper this morning, Benson.

Well, after what I went through
to get it, I should hope so.

It says Senator Englehart won't let
my remark affect his vote on the bill.

See, Katie, there's
nothing like telling the truth.

And he's quoted as
saying that in his home

he's called me a
lot worse things.

Well, if that makes you
happy, you should hear

what they say about
you down at the market.

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.