Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 10 - War Stories - full transcript
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Benson, have you seen my vase?
I can't find it anywhere.
Miss Kraus, don't do that.
Oh, do you have a headache?
(CABINET DOOR SLAMMING)
Is it my fault?
Did I force you to run amok
in some sleazy beer garden?
(CABINET DOOR SLAMMING)
Here, Benson, drink
this. You'll feel better.
Good morning.
It's certainly
another beautiful day.
So how about some
coffee, Benson?
I tried some. It didn't work.
A little cranky this
morning, are we?
He was out last night
with an old Army buddy.
Didn't get in till
after midnight.
After 3:00.
I saw him chasing my
dogs across the lawn yelling,
"Death before dishonor."
Yeah, well, Eddie and I
went through a lot together.
Korea? A bottle of sake.
I served in Korea.
Naval Intelligence.
Well, we won anyway.
I think it's great
that you and Eddie
have stayed in touch
ever since Korea.
Well, we were pretty close.
Close? From what I
hear, he saved your life.
We all make mistakes.
Governor, we have a
pretty full agenda today.
Right.
Say, Taylor, were
you ever in the military?
Taylor? Please.
As a matter of fact,
I was in the service.
Oh, sorry.
I was in Special Services.
I led the dance
band at Fort Dix.
Marcy, were you with
Eddie and me last night?
Well, of course I wasn't.
Don't you think you'd
remember if I was there?
Well, I don't remember much
after Eddie and I captured
the Japanese waiter.
I met him yesterday when he
was waiting for you to get off work.
I like him.
So do I.
I'm going out to
dinner with him tonight.
You are? Mmm-hmm.
That's terrific. Yeah.
I've been trying to get
Eddie to ask you out
ever since he came to
town last Wednesday.
It took that long, huh?
Oh, come on, you two will
have a great time together.
You have a lot in common.
What? Me.
So, where you
going? I don't know.
Okay, I'll have him
pick you up at 7:00.
Wear your green dress,
it's great for your eyes.
You'll have drinks at Pierre's.
I'll make reservations for
dinner at the Colonial Inn.
While you're at it, why
don't you just tell the maitre d'
what we'd like to order?
Well, I don't want to be pushy.
Just let me know
how it goes, okay?
Yeah, okay, do you want me
to call you from the restaurant,
or can it wait till morning?
Get out of here.
Hi, Benson. Hi, Katie.
You forgot.
No, I wouldn't forget.
Happy birthday, sugar.
Benson, it's not my birthday.
You promised you'd start
jogging with me today.
I did?
Oh, well, I don't
think I can do it today.
Why not?
Well, I woke up all achey.
My head hurts, my
stomach's upset.
I think I'm coming
down with something.
Sounds like a hangover to me.
Then Benson sent him flying
down that bowling alley head first.
The perfect strike,
all ten pins and the pin boy.
What's so funny?
You guys been
looking at my paycheck?
Oh, that's a wonderful
story. And it's true.
Marcy's just finishing up.
I see you've
introduced yourself.
Are you feeling better, Benson?
Yeah, I think so.
I can blink both eyes
at the same time.
Excuse me, Governor,
but the Lieutenant
Governor's on the phone.
I guess the ninth race is over.
Oh, I'll take it.
Eddie, it's been a real
pleasure meeting you.
And thanks so much for the
advice on my insurance coverage.
Not at all. No sense
having more than you need.
Hi. Hi.
It shouldn't be much longer.
Oh, take your time.
I don't mind waiting
when it's for you.
Okay.
I told you to ask her
out, not drool on her.
Control yourself, this
is a governor's mansion.
Last night you told
me this was your place.
Last night I thought it was.
Why didn't you tell me
you asked Marcy out?
I told you last
night. No, you didn't.
Sure I did. Don't you remember
anything about last night?
Yeah, I picked up the check.
Well, anyway, I
admire your taste.
Marcy is a really good lady.
You know, you wouldn't
have gotten anywhere, though,
if I hadn't put in a
good word for you.
Oh, I really appreciate it.
One thing, though. She's just
getting over a terrible relationship.
So naturally, she's
gonna be a little cautious.
Benson, we're
only having dinner.
Well, last night, we were
only going out for a drink.
Which reminds me,
have you seen my shoes?
Brown wingtips? Yeah.
I think I'm wearing them.
Katie, did you...
Brush my teeth? Yes.
Did you put away the toothpaste?
Uh...
Did you wash out the tub
und hang up the towels?
Uh...
Katie, how did you
leave that bathroom?
With a strong sense of guilt.
I'll clean it in the
morning, okay?
Yeah, then see that you do.
On the way out to dinner,
Marcy introduced me to Eddie.
I think he's a fox.
He's a what?
That means he's cute.
Ah, und what you call boys
your own age who are cute?
There aren't any.
Miss Kraus, when you were young,
were all the boys little flakes?
Yeah, und most of them
grew up to be big flakes.
Why?
Well, there's this boy
in my class, Billy Carbitz.
He told all the
kids he likes me.
He sure has a funny
way of showing it.
What do you mean?
He keeps pulling my hair.
Well, at this age it can be
a primitive sign of affection.
Yesterday he punched me.
Yeah, I've known a few like
that, too. Did you punch him back?
He'd only punch me back.
If you do it right, he
won't get up again.
I guess he can't
help being a geek.
Judy Matthews used to like him.
That's what I can't understand.
Well, do not be
too hard on Judy.
Sometimes we see people
the way we want to see them
und not the way they really are.
Miss Kraus, did you ever
meet a man you liked?
(SIGHS) Yeah.
But he couldn't take a punch.
Good night, Miss Kraus.
Good night, Liebling.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Good morning.
Morning, Benson. How
was your weekend?
Fine.
How'd it go Friday night?
Oh, fine.
Why, what went wrong?
Benson, I said "fine."
Well, you don't sound
too happy about it.
I'm very happy about it.
I just have a terrible hangover.
On the inside, I'm
jumping up and down.
If I do that on the
outside, my ears will fall off.
Oh, poor thing. I'll
fix you something.
Oh, thank you.
So, tell me what happened.
Oh, you were right.
Eddie and I had a
wonderful time Friday night.
Uh-huh.
We enjoyed each other so
much we sort of lost track of time.
Uh-huh.
And by the time I finally got
around to looking at my watch,
it was 5:30 this morning.
Look out.
American G.I.s.
They are all alike.
One of them broke my
poor Aunt Helga's heart.
Drink this, it will help.
You'll need a fork for that.
So, you and Eddie
got along all right, huh?
He's a wonderful guy, Benson.
See, what did I tell you?
I knew it would work out.
Did he say anything about
nylons und chocolates?
That's okay.
Aunt Helga never
got those things either.
Miss Kraus, I do feel better.
Whatever this is, it works.
Yeah, I know.
I sure could have used
some of that the other day.
Yeah, I know.
I gotta get back to work.
Wait a minute. That's it?
Uh-huh.
Except that he mentioned
something about
giving up the road.
Eddie said that?
Those G.I.s will say anything.
There's an opening here in town
at the home office.
He's gonna check it out.
That's great.
Yeah, I kind of thought so, too.
How about that?
Eddie talking about
giving up the road.
Well, all these years I've been
trying to get him to find the right person
and settle down, and
now maybe he and...
Benson. Huh?
Aunt Helga's G.I. told her
he wanted to settle down, too.
He never came back.
Well, if your Aunt Helga is
anything like you, I can see why.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Who is it? BENSON:
Hamilton Jordan.
You want to come to a party?
You son of a gun. How
you doing, Benson?
What's the matter, you couldn't call
me? Marcy told me the good news.
About what?
"About what"? Mr. Casual.
About that job in
the home office.
Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not
sure that's gonna work out.
What happened,
they turn you down?
No, I didn't put in for it.
Why? You having second
thoughts about Marcy?
No, it's not that.
In fact, I think I might
be falling in love with her.
Well, if that's true, why
not give it a chance?
Well, I can't.
Come on, Eddie, it's
no crime to settle down.
If you're in love with
Marcy, what's the problem?
My wife.
You're married, Eddie?
Hard to believe, right?
Still not used to
the idea myself.
I noticed.
Look, I was gonna
tell you, Benson,
but before I got the chance
I met Marcy and
I liked what I saw.
The more I saw of her,
the tougher it got to tell her.
What kind of excuse is that?
Ah, come on, give
me a break, huh?
I'm gonna, starting
with your neck.
Hey, look, I feel bad. What do you
want me to do, jump out the window?
Let me give you a hand.
It's a long way down, 43 floors.
Forty-four, if you
count the mezzanine.
You think I did this on purpose.
The last thing in the world
I'd want to do is hurt Marcy.
Or your wife. Right.
Or me. Yeah.
Look, I can understand how
these things happen sometimes,
but what I don't understand
is how you could throw away
20 some years of our
friendship in the process.
Marcy's a friend of mine.
How could you do this?
It wasn't my idea
we fall in love.
Unfortunately, it was mine.
Hey, come on, don't leave.
Now we gotta talk this out.
Damn it, Benson,
you're important to me.
You've gotta forgive me.
It's not up to me to
forgive you. It's up to Marcy.
When are you gonna tell her?
I thought it might be easier
for her if it came from you.
Uh-huh, no way.
You gotta tell her. And
the sooner, the better.
You gonna see her
before you leave?
Tonight.
That's as good a time as any.
Benson, haven't you
ever made a mistake?
Yeah, just now, at the window.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Good morning,
Benson. Oh, hi, Marcy.
I'm late.
Oh? I hadn't noticed.
Just five minutes. Fifteen.
Want to talk about it?
Okay.
I had two cups of coffee
this morning instead of one.
Right. You seem
to be handling it well.
With Eddie?
He told you, huh?
Yeah. It's a problem.
I can imagine.
But I'm sure we can work it
out. I'm a liberated woman.
I'll make some
kind of arrangement.
Isn't that going
to be difficult?
Well, it's going to take
a little understanding.
What, with the
demands on his time.
Yeah, that sort of
thing can be demanding.
But I don't want him to feel
guilty when he can't see me.
Well, he'll be a little
too busy to feel guilty.
I'll tell you, though,
I was a wreck
all through dinner.
I knew there was something.
I just kept waiting
for the bomb to drop
and then he hit me with it.
He told me he wasn't going to
apply for the job
at the home office
'cause he didn't want
to give up the road.
So he thought it was best
to break off our relationship
'cause he didn't
think I could handle it.
When I said it didn't matter,
well, things
picked up a little bit.
A little dancing, a
little champagne.
Hey, why are you still worrying?
I don't know, just
a hobby of mine.
You're a good friend.
And you brought me
and Eddie together.
I'll never forget that.
Thanks.
We no longer knock?
Happy now?
Governor, I hate
to bust in this way,
but we've got to talk.
Well, I know you
wouldn't interrupt
unless it was important.
What's it about?
Would you consider giving
Marcy the rest of the day off?
Why? Is something wrong?
Not yet, but I don't think
she's going to be of much help.
Well, she hasn't
been all that much help
ever since she met
your friend Eddie.
Isn't it wonderful,
Benson? She's in love.
I can tell from her typing.
I was quite
impressed with Eddie.
He was very helpful with
life insurance, annuities,
retirement plans, pension
funds, all in one package.
You went through the whole
kit and caboodle, didn't you?
I got the special
discount for veterans.
Did you get anything from him?
Just a pen with his name on it.
It'll probably leak
in your pocket.
I just found out last
night Eddie's married.
Oh, no.
You mean, he lied to Marcy?
Just a little something
he forgot to mention.
Poor Marcy.
I wonder what's in my policy
that he forgot to mention.
Marcy doesn't know
anything about this?
Not yet. He left town
without telling her.
I'm gonna break it to her now.
You need any help, Benson?
No, sir, I feel it's
my responsibility.
If it hadn't been for me, none
of this would have happened.
Well, it isn't gonna
be easy, Benson.
I remember when a
bosun's mate on my ship
got a Dear John letter.
Well, actually it was called
Dear Horace, because...
Dear Horace?
Yeah. His name was Horace.
See, we just call them Dear
John letters for convenience.
Sir, I think Marcy ought to
know about this right away.
(STUTTERING) I'll just skip the
middle and get right to the end.
Because I think this might
be of assistance to you
in your talk with Marcy.
(MUMBLING)
Okay. So, when we
got our first delivery,
Horace opened up his divvy
bag and it was filled with oranges.
Well, I don't know if this
is going to help Marcy,
but it's certainly been
an inspiration to me.
Oh, Benson, I
want to talk to you.
I have to talk to you, too.
I'm gonna take a day off. Good.
Well, maybe two. Fine.
Go away for a nice long weekend.
Excellent idea.
Where should we go?
I can't get away.
No, silly, me and
Eddie. Nowhere.
What about the beach?
Now, the beach is romantic.
Except I'd have no hairdo
and I'm allergic to the sun.
Forget it. He'd take one
look at the hair and the hives
and leave in a rocket.
Marcy, listen.
I got it, Mexico.
There's this place in Mexico.
Oh, I can't think
of the name of it,
but it's so romantic.
It's all pink.
You stay in little pink villas,
and pink rooms,
drive pink jeeps,
swim in pink
pools, eat pink food.
Even the help is pink, I think.
Marcy, forget about Mexico.
You're right.
My friend Sybil went there once.
Before she even got
out of the bathroom,
her boyfriend had married
someone named Juanita.
Marcy, I don't think after
hearing what I've got to...
Europe!
No, that's crazy, we'd spend
all of our time on a plane
and I'm so ugly on planes.
Everything swells.
My feet, my fingers, my
eyes, my nose, everything.
I disembark, I look like
the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Marcy, listen to me.
This is terrible.
I'm ugly at the beach, I'm ugly
in the heat, I'm ugly in the air.
Why don't I just forget it
and send him my picture?
Good idea.
Oh, come on, Benson,
where should we go?
Nowhere, he's married.
How about a cabin in
the woods, we could...
It takes a while for sound
to reach me sometimes.
Did you just say "married"?
Yes.
Who's married?
He's married, and he didn't
have the guts to tell you.
He's not married.
He is married.
He told you he's married?
He's making it up.
It's happened to me before.
He just doesn't like me
and that's his way out.
No, Marcy. I'm telling you.
Do you know, one guy even told
me he was gay just to get rid of me?
Really, he even
started dating guys.
Marcy... One guy got married,
one guy committed suicide
so he wouldn't have
to see me again.
Marcy, come on.
Okay, okay, he
didn't commit suicide.
He told everyone
he committed suicide.
Marcy, Eddie is married.
No, Benson, he's not.
He just doesn't like me, is all.
And why should he? I'm boring.
I'm a very, very boring person.
Do you know, my psychiatrist
falls asleep when I'm there?
He was crazy about you.
You know, it's better this way
because I was spending my
entire salary on underwear.
He loved you, Marcy. No.
It's true. He loved you.
Shut up.
Marcy.
I don't want to know that.
I don't want to know
that it was that close.
I don't want to know.
Marcy, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I never was so happy, Benson.
I never was so
happy in my whole life.
I know.
It's not fair.
It never is.
I never should have listened
to that jerk, creep, louse.
Marcy, if I could help.
No, thank you, Miss Kraus.
I just want a little salad.
A little salad?
Why don't you just
eat a produce truck?
When some people
are upset, they drink.
Some people throw things.
Some people eat.
Ja, ever since that G.I. left,
that's what Aunt
Helga has been doing.
She now weighs
almost 400 pounds.
What a blimp.
Marcy, why don't you go home?
I would, but there's
nothing in my refrigerator.
Is there any more yogurt?
Why don't you just waddle
over there and find out?
Hi.
I take it you told her?
Well, somebody had to.
Excuse me, Benson, but
could we have a few minutes.
You've already had a few days.
You haven't been
straight with her yet.
I wanted to tell you myself,
but I was confused
about a lot of things.
I was clear to the next town
when I realized what I want is you.
What about your wife?
I've been thinking about her.
There really wasn't
much there to begin with.
Compared to you,
Marcy, she's nothing.
If things work out between us,
I'll dump her. I promise.
Well, what happens
in the next town?
Suppose you find somebody there
who makes Marcy
look like nothing.
Just for the sake of argument.
Benson, please, this is my life.
What do you say, Marcy?
Come on, say something.
Give me a clue. Something.
Looks like a no to me.
I'll call you sometime, Benson.
On one condition.
What's that?
Grow up, Eddie.
Marcy, I think you
should know one thing.
What's that?
I ain't cleaning this.
The file cabinets are locked
and this is the Governor's
schedule for the morning.
I'll see you tomorrow
morning. Bright and early.
Marcy, you would stay
and have pot roast?
There's plenty. If you don't
eat it, we'll just throw it away.
How can you pass up
an invitation like that?
That's very nice of you,
Miss Kraus. Thanks, anyway.
Well, I just thought if you're
going to be alone tonight,
just stay und eat with me.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Good night, Marcy.
Oh, Marcy, I'm so glad I
caught you before you left.
See, I have to go to the
gems and minerals exhibit
at the arena tonight.
And rather than go by myself, I thought
maybe you'd like to come with me.
Oh, well, that's...
Benson will come,
too, won't you, Benson?
Yeah, right, okay.
Good, you'll love it. I'll bet.
Listen, I know you're all
trying to make me feel better
and I really appreciate
it, but I'm fine.
(ALL CHATTERING)
So, I'll see you in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
Good night.
Nice try, Governor, but a
gem and minerals exhibit?
Oh, right, and listen, Benson,
you better get dressed because we've
got to be at the arena in 20 minutes.
NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped
before a studio audience.
(DOG BARKING)
Benson, have you seen my vase?
I can't find it anywhere.
Miss Kraus, don't do that.
Oh, do you have a headache?
(CABINET DOOR SLAMMING)
Is it my fault?
Did I force you to run amok
in some sleazy beer garden?
(CABINET DOOR SLAMMING)
Here, Benson, drink
this. You'll feel better.
Good morning.
It's certainly
another beautiful day.
So how about some
coffee, Benson?
I tried some. It didn't work.
A little cranky this
morning, are we?
He was out last night
with an old Army buddy.
Didn't get in till
after midnight.
After 3:00.
I saw him chasing my
dogs across the lawn yelling,
"Death before dishonor."
Yeah, well, Eddie and I
went through a lot together.
Korea? A bottle of sake.
I served in Korea.
Naval Intelligence.
Well, we won anyway.
I think it's great
that you and Eddie
have stayed in touch
ever since Korea.
Well, we were pretty close.
Close? From what I
hear, he saved your life.
We all make mistakes.
Governor, we have a
pretty full agenda today.
Right.
Say, Taylor, were
you ever in the military?
Taylor? Please.
As a matter of fact,
I was in the service.
Oh, sorry.
I was in Special Services.
I led the dance
band at Fort Dix.
Marcy, were you with
Eddie and me last night?
Well, of course I wasn't.
Don't you think you'd
remember if I was there?
Well, I don't remember much
after Eddie and I captured
the Japanese waiter.
I met him yesterday when he
was waiting for you to get off work.
I like him.
So do I.
I'm going out to
dinner with him tonight.
You are? Mmm-hmm.
That's terrific. Yeah.
I've been trying to get
Eddie to ask you out
ever since he came to
town last Wednesday.
It took that long, huh?
Oh, come on, you two will
have a great time together.
You have a lot in common.
What? Me.
So, where you
going? I don't know.
Okay, I'll have him
pick you up at 7:00.
Wear your green dress,
it's great for your eyes.
You'll have drinks at Pierre's.
I'll make reservations for
dinner at the Colonial Inn.
While you're at it, why
don't you just tell the maitre d'
what we'd like to order?
Well, I don't want to be pushy.
Just let me know
how it goes, okay?
Yeah, okay, do you want me
to call you from the restaurant,
or can it wait till morning?
Get out of here.
Hi, Benson. Hi, Katie.
You forgot.
No, I wouldn't forget.
Happy birthday, sugar.
Benson, it's not my birthday.
You promised you'd start
jogging with me today.
I did?
Oh, well, I don't
think I can do it today.
Why not?
Well, I woke up all achey.
My head hurts, my
stomach's upset.
I think I'm coming
down with something.
Sounds like a hangover to me.
Then Benson sent him flying
down that bowling alley head first.
The perfect strike,
all ten pins and the pin boy.
What's so funny?
You guys been
looking at my paycheck?
Oh, that's a wonderful
story. And it's true.
Marcy's just finishing up.
I see you've
introduced yourself.
Are you feeling better, Benson?
Yeah, I think so.
I can blink both eyes
at the same time.
Excuse me, Governor,
but the Lieutenant
Governor's on the phone.
I guess the ninth race is over.
Oh, I'll take it.
Eddie, it's been a real
pleasure meeting you.
And thanks so much for the
advice on my insurance coverage.
Not at all. No sense
having more than you need.
Hi. Hi.
It shouldn't be much longer.
Oh, take your time.
I don't mind waiting
when it's for you.
Okay.
I told you to ask her
out, not drool on her.
Control yourself, this
is a governor's mansion.
Last night you told
me this was your place.
Last night I thought it was.
Why didn't you tell me
you asked Marcy out?
I told you last
night. No, you didn't.
Sure I did. Don't you remember
anything about last night?
Yeah, I picked up the check.
Well, anyway, I
admire your taste.
Marcy is a really good lady.
You know, you wouldn't
have gotten anywhere, though,
if I hadn't put in a
good word for you.
Oh, I really appreciate it.
One thing, though. She's just
getting over a terrible relationship.
So naturally, she's
gonna be a little cautious.
Benson, we're
only having dinner.
Well, last night, we were
only going out for a drink.
Which reminds me,
have you seen my shoes?
Brown wingtips? Yeah.
I think I'm wearing them.
Katie, did you...
Brush my teeth? Yes.
Did you put away the toothpaste?
Uh...
Did you wash out the tub
und hang up the towels?
Uh...
Katie, how did you
leave that bathroom?
With a strong sense of guilt.
I'll clean it in the
morning, okay?
Yeah, then see that you do.
On the way out to dinner,
Marcy introduced me to Eddie.
I think he's a fox.
He's a what?
That means he's cute.
Ah, und what you call boys
your own age who are cute?
There aren't any.
Miss Kraus, when you were young,
were all the boys little flakes?
Yeah, und most of them
grew up to be big flakes.
Why?
Well, there's this boy
in my class, Billy Carbitz.
He told all the
kids he likes me.
He sure has a funny
way of showing it.
What do you mean?
He keeps pulling my hair.
Well, at this age it can be
a primitive sign of affection.
Yesterday he punched me.
Yeah, I've known a few like
that, too. Did you punch him back?
He'd only punch me back.
If you do it right, he
won't get up again.
I guess he can't
help being a geek.
Judy Matthews used to like him.
That's what I can't understand.
Well, do not be
too hard on Judy.
Sometimes we see people
the way we want to see them
und not the way they really are.
Miss Kraus, did you ever
meet a man you liked?
(SIGHS) Yeah.
But he couldn't take a punch.
Good night, Miss Kraus.
Good night, Liebling.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Good morning.
Morning, Benson. How
was your weekend?
Fine.
How'd it go Friday night?
Oh, fine.
Why, what went wrong?
Benson, I said "fine."
Well, you don't sound
too happy about it.
I'm very happy about it.
I just have a terrible hangover.
On the inside, I'm
jumping up and down.
If I do that on the
outside, my ears will fall off.
Oh, poor thing. I'll
fix you something.
Oh, thank you.
So, tell me what happened.
Oh, you were right.
Eddie and I had a
wonderful time Friday night.
Uh-huh.
We enjoyed each other so
much we sort of lost track of time.
Uh-huh.
And by the time I finally got
around to looking at my watch,
it was 5:30 this morning.
Look out.
American G.I.s.
They are all alike.
One of them broke my
poor Aunt Helga's heart.
Drink this, it will help.
You'll need a fork for that.
So, you and Eddie
got along all right, huh?
He's a wonderful guy, Benson.
See, what did I tell you?
I knew it would work out.
Did he say anything about
nylons und chocolates?
That's okay.
Aunt Helga never
got those things either.
Miss Kraus, I do feel better.
Whatever this is, it works.
Yeah, I know.
I sure could have used
some of that the other day.
Yeah, I know.
I gotta get back to work.
Wait a minute. That's it?
Uh-huh.
Except that he mentioned
something about
giving up the road.
Eddie said that?
Those G.I.s will say anything.
There's an opening here in town
at the home office.
He's gonna check it out.
That's great.
Yeah, I kind of thought so, too.
How about that?
Eddie talking about
giving up the road.
Well, all these years I've been
trying to get him to find the right person
and settle down, and
now maybe he and...
Benson. Huh?
Aunt Helga's G.I. told her
he wanted to settle down, too.
He never came back.
Well, if your Aunt Helga is
anything like you, I can see why.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Who is it? BENSON:
Hamilton Jordan.
You want to come to a party?
You son of a gun. How
you doing, Benson?
What's the matter, you couldn't call
me? Marcy told me the good news.
About what?
"About what"? Mr. Casual.
About that job in
the home office.
Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not
sure that's gonna work out.
What happened,
they turn you down?
No, I didn't put in for it.
Why? You having second
thoughts about Marcy?
No, it's not that.
In fact, I think I might
be falling in love with her.
Well, if that's true, why
not give it a chance?
Well, I can't.
Come on, Eddie, it's
no crime to settle down.
If you're in love with
Marcy, what's the problem?
My wife.
You're married, Eddie?
Hard to believe, right?
Still not used to
the idea myself.
I noticed.
Look, I was gonna
tell you, Benson,
but before I got the chance
I met Marcy and
I liked what I saw.
The more I saw of her,
the tougher it got to tell her.
What kind of excuse is that?
Ah, come on, give
me a break, huh?
I'm gonna, starting
with your neck.
Hey, look, I feel bad. What do you
want me to do, jump out the window?
Let me give you a hand.
It's a long way down, 43 floors.
Forty-four, if you
count the mezzanine.
You think I did this on purpose.
The last thing in the world
I'd want to do is hurt Marcy.
Or your wife. Right.
Or me. Yeah.
Look, I can understand how
these things happen sometimes,
but what I don't understand
is how you could throw away
20 some years of our
friendship in the process.
Marcy's a friend of mine.
How could you do this?
It wasn't my idea
we fall in love.
Unfortunately, it was mine.
Hey, come on, don't leave.
Now we gotta talk this out.
Damn it, Benson,
you're important to me.
You've gotta forgive me.
It's not up to me to
forgive you. It's up to Marcy.
When are you gonna tell her?
I thought it might be easier
for her if it came from you.
Uh-huh, no way.
You gotta tell her. And
the sooner, the better.
You gonna see her
before you leave?
Tonight.
That's as good a time as any.
Benson, haven't you
ever made a mistake?
Yeah, just now, at the window.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Good morning,
Benson. Oh, hi, Marcy.
I'm late.
Oh? I hadn't noticed.
Just five minutes. Fifteen.
Want to talk about it?
Okay.
I had two cups of coffee
this morning instead of one.
Right. You seem
to be handling it well.
With Eddie?
He told you, huh?
Yeah. It's a problem.
I can imagine.
But I'm sure we can work it
out. I'm a liberated woman.
I'll make some
kind of arrangement.
Isn't that going
to be difficult?
Well, it's going to take
a little understanding.
What, with the
demands on his time.
Yeah, that sort of
thing can be demanding.
But I don't want him to feel
guilty when he can't see me.
Well, he'll be a little
too busy to feel guilty.
I'll tell you, though,
I was a wreck
all through dinner.
I knew there was something.
I just kept waiting
for the bomb to drop
and then he hit me with it.
He told me he wasn't going to
apply for the job
at the home office
'cause he didn't want
to give up the road.
So he thought it was best
to break off our relationship
'cause he didn't
think I could handle it.
When I said it didn't matter,
well, things
picked up a little bit.
A little dancing, a
little champagne.
Hey, why are you still worrying?
I don't know, just
a hobby of mine.
You're a good friend.
And you brought me
and Eddie together.
I'll never forget that.
Thanks.
We no longer knock?
Happy now?
Governor, I hate
to bust in this way,
but we've got to talk.
Well, I know you
wouldn't interrupt
unless it was important.
What's it about?
Would you consider giving
Marcy the rest of the day off?
Why? Is something wrong?
Not yet, but I don't think
she's going to be of much help.
Well, she hasn't
been all that much help
ever since she met
your friend Eddie.
Isn't it wonderful,
Benson? She's in love.
I can tell from her typing.
I was quite
impressed with Eddie.
He was very helpful with
life insurance, annuities,
retirement plans, pension
funds, all in one package.
You went through the whole
kit and caboodle, didn't you?
I got the special
discount for veterans.
Did you get anything from him?
Just a pen with his name on it.
It'll probably leak
in your pocket.
I just found out last
night Eddie's married.
Oh, no.
You mean, he lied to Marcy?
Just a little something
he forgot to mention.
Poor Marcy.
I wonder what's in my policy
that he forgot to mention.
Marcy doesn't know
anything about this?
Not yet. He left town
without telling her.
I'm gonna break it to her now.
You need any help, Benson?
No, sir, I feel it's
my responsibility.
If it hadn't been for me, none
of this would have happened.
Well, it isn't gonna
be easy, Benson.
I remember when a
bosun's mate on my ship
got a Dear John letter.
Well, actually it was called
Dear Horace, because...
Dear Horace?
Yeah. His name was Horace.
See, we just call them Dear
John letters for convenience.
Sir, I think Marcy ought to
know about this right away.
(STUTTERING) I'll just skip the
middle and get right to the end.
Because I think this might
be of assistance to you
in your talk with Marcy.
(MUMBLING)
Okay. So, when we
got our first delivery,
Horace opened up his divvy
bag and it was filled with oranges.
Well, I don't know if this
is going to help Marcy,
but it's certainly been
an inspiration to me.
Oh, Benson, I
want to talk to you.
I have to talk to you, too.
I'm gonna take a day off. Good.
Well, maybe two. Fine.
Go away for a nice long weekend.
Excellent idea.
Where should we go?
I can't get away.
No, silly, me and
Eddie. Nowhere.
What about the beach?
Now, the beach is romantic.
Except I'd have no hairdo
and I'm allergic to the sun.
Forget it. He'd take one
look at the hair and the hives
and leave in a rocket.
Marcy, listen.
I got it, Mexico.
There's this place in Mexico.
Oh, I can't think
of the name of it,
but it's so romantic.
It's all pink.
You stay in little pink villas,
and pink rooms,
drive pink jeeps,
swim in pink
pools, eat pink food.
Even the help is pink, I think.
Marcy, forget about Mexico.
You're right.
My friend Sybil went there once.
Before she even got
out of the bathroom,
her boyfriend had married
someone named Juanita.
Marcy, I don't think after
hearing what I've got to...
Europe!
No, that's crazy, we'd spend
all of our time on a plane
and I'm so ugly on planes.
Everything swells.
My feet, my fingers, my
eyes, my nose, everything.
I disembark, I look like
the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Marcy, listen to me.
This is terrible.
I'm ugly at the beach, I'm ugly
in the heat, I'm ugly in the air.
Why don't I just forget it
and send him my picture?
Good idea.
Oh, come on, Benson,
where should we go?
Nowhere, he's married.
How about a cabin in
the woods, we could...
It takes a while for sound
to reach me sometimes.
Did you just say "married"?
Yes.
Who's married?
He's married, and he didn't
have the guts to tell you.
He's not married.
He is married.
He told you he's married?
He's making it up.
It's happened to me before.
He just doesn't like me
and that's his way out.
No, Marcy. I'm telling you.
Do you know, one guy even told
me he was gay just to get rid of me?
Really, he even
started dating guys.
Marcy... One guy got married,
one guy committed suicide
so he wouldn't have
to see me again.
Marcy, come on.
Okay, okay, he
didn't commit suicide.
He told everyone
he committed suicide.
Marcy, Eddie is married.
No, Benson, he's not.
He just doesn't like me, is all.
And why should he? I'm boring.
I'm a very, very boring person.
Do you know, my psychiatrist
falls asleep when I'm there?
He was crazy about you.
You know, it's better this way
because I was spending my
entire salary on underwear.
He loved you, Marcy. No.
It's true. He loved you.
Shut up.
Marcy.
I don't want to know that.
I don't want to know
that it was that close.
I don't want to know.
Marcy, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I never was so happy, Benson.
I never was so
happy in my whole life.
I know.
It's not fair.
It never is.
I never should have listened
to that jerk, creep, louse.
Marcy, if I could help.
No, thank you, Miss Kraus.
I just want a little salad.
A little salad?
Why don't you just
eat a produce truck?
When some people
are upset, they drink.
Some people throw things.
Some people eat.
Ja, ever since that G.I. left,
that's what Aunt
Helga has been doing.
She now weighs
almost 400 pounds.
What a blimp.
Marcy, why don't you go home?
I would, but there's
nothing in my refrigerator.
Is there any more yogurt?
Why don't you just waddle
over there and find out?
Hi.
I take it you told her?
Well, somebody had to.
Excuse me, Benson, but
could we have a few minutes.
You've already had a few days.
You haven't been
straight with her yet.
I wanted to tell you myself,
but I was confused
about a lot of things.
I was clear to the next town
when I realized what I want is you.
What about your wife?
I've been thinking about her.
There really wasn't
much there to begin with.
Compared to you,
Marcy, she's nothing.
If things work out between us,
I'll dump her. I promise.
Well, what happens
in the next town?
Suppose you find somebody there
who makes Marcy
look like nothing.
Just for the sake of argument.
Benson, please, this is my life.
What do you say, Marcy?
Come on, say something.
Give me a clue. Something.
Looks like a no to me.
I'll call you sometime, Benson.
On one condition.
What's that?
Grow up, Eddie.
Marcy, I think you
should know one thing.
What's that?
I ain't cleaning this.
The file cabinets are locked
and this is the Governor's
schedule for the morning.
I'll see you tomorrow
morning. Bright and early.
Marcy, you would stay
and have pot roast?
There's plenty. If you don't
eat it, we'll just throw it away.
How can you pass up
an invitation like that?
That's very nice of you,
Miss Kraus. Thanks, anyway.
Well, I just thought if you're
going to be alone tonight,
just stay und eat with me.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Good night, Marcy.
Oh, Marcy, I'm so glad I
caught you before you left.
See, I have to go to the
gems and minerals exhibit
at the arena tonight.
And rather than go by myself, I thought
maybe you'd like to come with me.
Oh, well, that's...
Benson will come,
too, won't you, Benson?
Yeah, right, okay.
Good, you'll love it. I'll bet.
Listen, I know you're all
trying to make me feel better
and I really appreciate
it, but I'm fine.
(ALL CHATTERING)
So, I'll see you in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
Good night.
Nice try, Governor, but a
gem and minerals exhibit?
Oh, right, and listen, Benson,
you better get dressed because we've
got to be at the arena in 20 minutes.
NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped
before a studio audience.