Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 8 - Jessica - full transcript

Oh, my goodness.

Look at this!

(EXCLAIMING)

Benson, this is a mansion.

Yeah, that's why they don't
call it the governor's hut.

Look, I'll go get the
rest of your luggage

as soon as I get some
feeling back in my arms.

What's with all this
luggage, anyway?

You're only staying overnight.

Well, it's for the
banquet tonight.

Well, by the time you
unpack, it'll be over.



Well, I just couldn't
decide what to bring.

So you brought everything. Yes.

Jessica!

Oh, Gene.

You look just the same.

How long has it been?

And you look just the same, too.

Only better.

So good, in fact, I wouldn't
have recognized you

if you didn't look
just the same.

Oh, of course,

you know, even if you
didn't look just the same,

I would have assumed it is you,

because, I mean, you are here
and you did know who I was.



I'm glad we solved that.

I... I can't thank you
enough for filling in like this.

The fact is, the
lady I've been seeing

usually attends these
functions with me,

but she had to beg
off at the last minute.

Oh, was she suddenly taken ill?

No, she got married
in Rio this morning.

But you'll just love the Baron.

What Baron?

Our guest of honor

is the Baron Jacques Daveneau.

The guest of honor is a baron?

(GASPS) What will I wear?

I'll go get the rest
of your luggage.

You'll find something.

A real baron.

The Baron's been a
guest here at the mansion.

He's thinking of
opening a winery here.

Well, Gene, I certainly
think you have the room for it.

Not here, Jessica,
here in the state.

Excuse me, Governor.

The Lieutenant
Governor is in your office.

Oh, well, tell him I'll be
there in just a minute.

Mrs. Tate, I'm Marcy
Hill. Yes, I know.

The Governor's executive
secretary. Yes, I know.

You do? Yes.

Benson has written and told
me everything about all of you.

All good, I hope. Mostly.

You must be Taylor.

That is correct,

and may I say it
is not only an honor

but an extreme privilege
to make your acquaintance.

Thank you.

I see what you mean.

Why don't you just start
the meeting without me?

I always do.

You must be awfully
proud of your cousin.

I am. The whole family is.

Here you are, governor.

And none of us thought you
would amount to anything.

There's still time.

Even in school,
in chemistry class,

Gene was voted the
student most likely to dissolve.

I'd better get to my
meeting. I'll see you later.

Okay. Yes.

Benson, tell me
all about this Baron.

Well, there isn't much to tell.

The man's 87 years old.

87 years old and
he's still a baron?

You'd think he'd be king by now.

Hi, Benson. Hi, sugar.

I don't believe
it. Is this... It is.

It can't be. It can.

I don't believe
it. You'd better.

Are you Katie?

I hope so.

This is your Cousin
Jessica, Katie.

Hello. Hello, darling.

Oh, my goodness,

do you know, I haven't seen you

since you were six months old.

Seems like only yesterday.

But, of course, it
couldn't be just yesterday

because you've grown up so much.

I mean, not that I didn't
expect you to grow up,

but, you see, it's always
a surprise to see someone

that you can't pick up anymore

because they've gotten so big.

Is this a riddle?

I don't think so.

Would you like to
show me to my room?

Sure.

Did the rest of the
family come, too?

(DOG BARKING)

I think I'll take that one.

Thank you, Miss Kraus.

You're welcome, Mrs. Tate.

I think you're very sweet.

Thank you.

You're not at all
like Benson said

you were in his letters.

Und just what did our little
poison pen pal have to say?

Oh, you know Benson.

Yeah, I'm afraid I do.

Good morning, Mrs. Tate.

Good morning, Benson.

Did you have a
good time last night?

Oh, wonderful, and the night
before and the night before that.

I'm so glad the Baron talked
me into staying a few extra days.

Benson, he's so thoughtful,

so charming and so cultured.

You should hear
him speak French.

He is French.

I know.

Have you seen this
morning's paper?

Oh, no, Benson, I never
read the paper anymore.

It's so depressing.

Well, this should cheer you up.

"Baron Jacques Daveneau's
constant companion these nights

"is none other than
Governor Gatling's cousin,

"Mrs. Jessica Tate.

"Both are houseguests
at the mansion,

"which makes things
very convenient for all

"but the taxpayers footing the
bill for their luxurious love nest."

Oh, for heaven's sake, Benson.

He's just a sweet old man that just
wants somebody to make a fuss over him.

He's not interested
in me in that way.

I know that, Mrs. Tate,
but this is a state capital.

It runs on rumor and gossip.

But that's not fair.

We're not doing anything.

Well, it's not what you and
the Baron are doing that counts.

It's what the press and
the Governor's opponents

say you're doing.

Facts don't seem to
matter in a political town.

Pooh.

Pooh?

Yes, pooh.

Thank goodness Gene
is far too intelligent

to pay any attention
to that twattle.

Twattle?

There's a lot more at stake
here than pooh and twattle.

Nonsense, I'll bet you that
Gene thinks this is very funny.

GOVERNOR: (SHOUTING)
Jessica, where are you?

I think I hear him laughing now.

This is scandalous.

Jessica, if you must
have a romantic interlude,

don't have it in this state.

Certainly not in this
house. Oh, Gene.

Jessica, your capriciousness

is embarrassing
my administration.

I'd hoped you'd
changed, but, no.

You're still doing
things without thinking.

Still the same old Messy Jessie.

And you are still the
same old Mean Gene.

Now, now, now, now.

Benson, it is true.

Do you know that he
broke my red tricycle?

I did no such thing.

You did, too.

All right, ask her what
happened to my catcher's mitt.

I don't want to know.

You lost it.

I did not. You did, too.

Do you think Mean
Gene and Messy Jessie

can say they're sorry
and be friends again?

I think Benson's trying to
tell us we're being childish.

I was leaning
more toward idiotic.

I'm sorry, Jessica.

I'm sorry, too, Gene.

Look, there's a simple
way to put an end

to all this gossip
about the Baron.

I'll get him a suite
at the Marquis Plaza.

No, the Baron's an
official guest of the state.

I can't move him to a hotel.

No, no. I think the
best thing to do is

I will move to the
Marquis Plaza.

No, no.

I'll move to the Marquis Plaza.

You'll move to
the Marquis Plaza?

That's very gracious, Governor,

but it doesn't
solve the problem.

I really think the best
thing is for me to go.

Fine, I'll reserve you a room.

And, Gene, I want you to know,

in spite of all the gossip,
I promised the Baron

that I would go to the
opera with him tonight

and I cannot disappoint him.

I'll go and pack.

I'll get you a nice suite.

Thank you, Benson.

And I'll see to it that you
get a new catcher's mitt.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Who is it?

BENSON: Benson.

Oh, come in, come
in. Get in, quick.

I came as fast as I could.

What's the problem?

Oh, Benson.

Why couldn't you
talk on the phone?

(MOANING) Oh, Benson.

My God, you're white.

But I've always
been white, Benson.

No, no, I mean pale.
What's the problem?

Oh, well, you know, the Baron,

and we were supposed to
go to the opera this evening?

And he didn't show?
Oh, no, no, he showed up

and then he ordered
champagne from room service.

I was in the other
room changing clothes.

I came out in my gown

and he said to me, "Oh,
you look so beautiful."

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
right, right, right.

And then, he took a step
toward me and he went...

(GASPS)

And he sort of died.

He sort of died?

Well, forget the
"sort of." He died.

Are you sure?

Oh, yes. Yes, I'm positive.

And after he died, did
he take a cab home?

Oh, no, no, he hasn't moved.

And where did he do this dying?

There. Where?

There.

(SCREAMS)

I just didn't know
what to do, Benson.

I mean, this never
happened to me before.

Well, it never happened
to him before either.

That's why I called you,

because I figured
you'd know what to do.

Did you call the police?

No, I wanted you to be
here when they came.

Thank you, that's one
of my favorite things.

Standing next to the
body when the police come.

So, Benson, what
are we going to do?

We? Yes.

Well,

I don't know, but when
the Baron's found here,

it's gonna cause a scandal
that will embarrass you

and the Governor and the Baron.

Not that he cares anymore.

So, what are you saying, Benson?

Well, I guess what I'm saying is

we've got to find a way to get him
out of here and back to the mansion.

You mean, move the Baron?

Well, he ain't
gonna move himself.

But, Benson, what about
respect for the dead?

Well, this is
respect for the dead.

We're preserving his good
name and avoiding a scandal.

So, what are we going to do?

A lot of people saw
him come in here

and they gotta see him go out.

I wish I could be of
more help, Benson,

but, you see, I've
never been involved

in a sudden death before.

I once saw my hamster pass away.

He was so busy running and
squeaking and then he just

dropped into the shredded paper.

His little wheel went around
a couple of more times,

squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

Woman!

I don't think you understand

the seriousness
of this situation.

We've got a dead body
over here on the couch

and you're talking hamsters.

Now, if the Baron was a hamster

I could put him in my pocket

and we could all get
the hell out of here!

Oh, Benson, please hurry up.

I'm so nervous.

BENSON: You're nervous?

I'm the one in
here with the body.

Okay, ready or
not, here we come.

Well, what do you think?

I think he looks much better.

All dressed up
and no place to go.

Well, he was going to
take me to the opera tonight.

Obviously he changed his mind.

Could we please go?

Oh, Benson, wouldn't
it be wonderful,

you know, if we never
had to part company?

If we could be with our loved
ones forever just the way they were?

You know, sort of the way
Roy Rogers stuffed Trigger.

Mrs. Tate!

Of course, I realize it would
create a storage problem

for your larger families.

Mrs. Tate, we've got
our own problems here.

We've got a dead body
strapped to a luggage cart.

We've got to get
him out of this room,

into the corridor,

down an elevator 14 floors,

through a crowded lobby,

out the swinging doors,

down the street and into my
car without one person saying,

"Hey, look at those two fools
wheeling that dead body."

It's hard to believe
that he's gone.

He ain't gone yet.

Now could you
please get the door?

Oh, of course, of course.

Okay, Baron, let's
get rolling along here.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Baron, you do make me blush.

That is a good one, Baron.

Where's your car?
Down the street.

There is no English
word for that.

Baron, hello. Bonjour.

Hey, I'm glad I caught you.

I'm Donald Caldwell,

editor of The Wine Connoisseur.

And I'd like to speak to you
about your Chateau Daveneau.

Can't you see the Baron
doesn't want to be bothered now?

Baron... The Baron can't
talk shop at the moment.

Perhaps I can help you. Baron...

Are you associated
with the Baron?

Are you kidding? He doesn't
make a move without me.

Really? Yes.

Well, you... you must know
a great deal about wine.

All three flavors,
red, white and pink.

Look, I'm... I'm quite
serious about this.

I'm thinking about buying a substantial
quantity of Chateau Daveneau,

shall we say 300 cases.

Are you having a party?

I'm buying it as an investment

and I want some advice.

What is it you'd like to know?

I'd like the Baron to
recommend his best year.

Oh, last year.

Really? I thought the
frost were in the grapes.

Well, no, not at all, no.

We put little sweaters on them.

Pardon me, Baron.

Uh, um, he's a
little hard of hearing.

(SHOUTING) Sir, I've
brought your car out front.

Really? Yes, to take...

To take you to the opera!

Oh, how lovely.

We probably should be going now!

Well, as a matter
of fact, you see,

the Baron and I have
decided to walk to the opera.

Walk? Oh, yes.

You see, it's so good
for his circulation.

But it's 10 miles
to the opera house.

We know a short cut.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Here you are. Thanks so much.

Excuse me.

(GASPS)

You're quite right, Baron.
They are lovely ceilings!

Nothing like Old World
craftsmanship, is there?

Last one to the
door is a rotten egg.

(DOGS BARKING)

JESSICA: Watch that step.

Come on. Come on.

That's the first time the
dogs ever ran the other way.

Benson, are you sure
you're gonna be all right?

Eventually.

I can't tell you how it upset
me to do this to the Baron.

I ain't too thrilled myself.

Why is it that people
always assume

that when a man and woman
are together that it's always sex?

Wishful thinking.

I bet this happens a lot.

What? This.

No, this is a first.

I bet you there are people

in hotel rooms all
over this country

wheeling dead bodies
around like crazy.

They really ought to
have someone to help.

You know, like they have a
valet and they have a bell captain.

They could have
somebody... Mrs. Tate.

I am tired.

You better get
yourself out of here,

so I can get the Baron to bed.

I'm so sorry that
the Baron died.

Me, too, 'cause he
could have walked.

Now, you take my car and
get yourself back to the hotel.

I'm gonna see if
the coast is clear.

Benson? Huh?

I don't know what
I'd do without you.

I wish you'd have
done this without me.

Good night, Benson.
Good night, Mrs. Tate.

Good night, Baron.

Well, look who's here.

I assume you have come
to my kitchen to apologize.

Well, I have never been
one to hold a grudge.

But it is hard for you
to talk about it, ja?

Und, so,

about what happened in
your room the other day...

I am sorry for slapping you if
you are sorry for, well, you know.

It just took me by
surprise, that's all.

So, I tell you what,
tomorrow morning

I will make your
favorite breakfast for you.

Anything you like.

What do you say, Baron?

Are we still friends?

Forgive and forget?

So you think you
are too good for me,

is that what it is?

Well, listen to
me, Mr. Big Shot.

I have been ignored
by better men than you.

Ah, Kraus, um, uh,
what are you doing here?

Never mind, Benson.

The Baron and I were just
having a little discussion.

What did he say?

Nothing.

Good.

Come on, Baron,
let's get you to bed.

You look dead on your feet.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Is Mrs. Tate down yet?

No, I still cannot believe it.

Poor man. Ja, und
poor me. I feel so guilty.

There's no reason
you should, Miss Kraus.

But I said such terrible
things to him last night.

Well, probably went in
one ear and out the other.

You're just saying that
to try und cheer me up.

Why would I want to do that?

Good point.

Thank you, Benson.

Good morning.
MARCY: Good morning.

How is everyone this morning?

Just fine, considering.

Oh, have all the
arrangements been made?

The Baron's family
will meet the plane.

I'm sure he's happy where he is.

At the airport?

No, Benson, I mean his spirit.

You see, I happen to believe
that there is an afterlife.

Well, of course there is.

That's why we
have social security.

Oh, no, Gene, I
mean ever after that.

You see, we may all be
thousands of years old.

I happen to believe that
we come back in other forms.

With my luck, I'll
come back as myself.

Benson, what do you think
you'll be when you come back?

I don't know, but I ain't
coming back without a raise.

Daddy, it's almost time
for Cousin Jessica's plane.

Oh, are you ready? Yes.

Mrs. Tate, I'm really
sorry to see you go.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

I certainly wish you
all the best and...

I like you a lot.

Thank you, Marcy,
I like you, too.

I'll have them bring
the car around.

Thank you.

If you sit around here all day,
you're gonna miss your plane.

All right, we'd better go.

I'll be along in a minute.

Well, let's go.

Benson, now you know

that it's hard enough for me
to say goodbye to you at all.

But, I mean, to
say goodbye to you

in an airport is
absolutely impossible.

I mean, we'd hug and I'd
cry and my mascara would run

and I'd think of a thousand things
to say, I'll probably miss the plane,

then we'll have to say
goodbye all over again.

Mrs. Tate.

You know, we've been
through a lot together.

Mmm-hmm.

But I think this
just about tops it.

I certainly hope so.

You know, you are the most
remarkable man I ever met.

Oh, come on.

No, I mean, there's
nothing you can't do.

Well, there is one
thing I can't do.

What's that?

Stop missing you.

Goodbye, Benson.

Goodbye, Jessica.

Hi, Benson.

Hi, Katie.

Benson, did you like the Baron?

Well, I didn't really
know him that well.

Did you like the part you knew?

Yeah, he seemed to
really appreciate being alive.

Doesn't everyone? Nope.

Some people spend their lives

complaining about
what they haven't got,

or getting more than they need.

They never seem to
enjoy what they have.

What do you have, Benson?

Oh, I've got a pretty
good job, my family,

a few friends and you
to fill in the dull spots.

It's too bad the
Baron went and died.

We're all born and
we all die, Katie.

It's what we do in
between that counts.

Like being patient
with kids bouncing a ball

while you're trying to work.

Like working later and
challenging that kid to a bike race.

You're on. Do I
get a head start?

Are you kidding? You're
way ahead of me already.

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.