Benidorm (2007–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Episode #3.3 - full transcript

Having finally convinced his mother that he is not gay, Geoff the Oracle goes to meet Lesley, his internet chat date. However he is shocked to find that Lesley is a transvestite and makes his escape halfway through their dinner, leaving Lesley to cop off with the maitre d'. Mel takes the sea-sick Garveys on a trip to Peacock Island, where he hopes to buy land for development, only to be told that it is a protected nature reserve. Brandy beds Mateo, stealing his pass-key in the process,but returns to Martin, saying that she only has eyes for him.

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- Good morning!
- Jesus Christ!

What are you doing sitting on the toilet
in the dark?

Well, it starts with "A"
and ends with "poo”.

I mean,
why haven't you got the light on?

This might come as a surprise
to you, Brandy,

but even I can find
my bottom in the dark.

I just don't expect someone to be
creeping round at 5:00 in the morning.

It's actually 6:20 and I can assure you,
I haven't done an awful lot of creeping.

Personally, I find when having a poo,

being stationary is almost certainly
the best option.

- I'm just going to brush my teeth.
- Please, don't let me stop you.



Well, aren't you gonna ask me
where I've been?

Brandy, in the bar last night,
you declared

that you didn't intend to be
short of male company that evening.

You then stayed out all night
and have returned seven hours later,

looking like a scarecrow
and smelling like an alley cat.

But we are on this holiday together
only as friends.

Nothing more.
Perhaps not even that now.

So no, I don't wanna know
where you've been,

because I really don't care.

You think you're so much better than me,
don't you?

Not at all.
My marriage has been a failure.

I'm 32, living on my own,

and reduced to taking a holiday
in a place

I swore I would never return to
simply because it was free.



But aside from all this,
I still have one remaining attribute,

which I obviously value
significantly more than you.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

My dignity.

(FARTING)

Excuse me.

(GAGGING)

I don't know how many times
I can say I'm sorry.

We had the conversation
about you being gay.

And you said you were ready to come out.

I'm sure that's how it happened.

But I obviously got it wrong,
and I'm so sorry.

You haven't said a word to me
all morning, son.

We can't carry on
the rest of our holiday like this.

Geoff!

Can you please tell us
what this is all about?

- Are we going on a boat, Mel?
- All will be revealed.

We're going on a boat!
I bet we're going on a boat.

I get seasick if Mel fills
the bath too full.

That's all we need, old queasy-chops
throwing up all over the place.

She's not joking. Remember that time you
booked to go to Ireland on the ferry?

She was sick four times.

And that was just in the travel agent's,
thinking about it.

Look, there's some fishermen over there.

We'll go on a boat, and you can
stay here and play with their flies.

Ooh, I should have never had that liver
with me bacon this morning.

Onward.

Come on, love, we're going on a boat.

(MADGE EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)

Steady, steady. Here we go. Come on.

Look, your mum's gonna spew.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Is it free? Is it free?
- Stop doing that.

- Good morning!
- Hola!

- Oh, hello!
- Great night, last night.

- Really enjoyed it.
- Oh, yes.

We wondered if either of you wanted
to come up to the old town with us.

We're all right here, thank you.

Well, we were more thinking of Geoff.

There's a great gay scene
in the old town.

No! You see I made a bit of
a mistake last night and I...

There's a fabulous chubby chaser night

at The Man Hole fun pub.

Oh, we know you've lost some weight,
but they are very accommodating.

For your information,
I am off into the old town tonight.

And the reason I'm going is,
I've got a date.

But before you ask, it's not with a man.
It's with a woman.

Because for the last time,

I am not gay!

Oh, dear.

Well, I'm no Clement Freud,

but it sounds to me as though
he's still a little bit in denial.

Morning, Geoff.

- Here she is, the belle of the ball.
- You disappeared quick last night.

- Don't tell us.

You were in a hot, sweaty gay club
till the early hours, top off,

punching the air to Kelly Marie
with your new-found gay brethren.

Then one last rousing chorus
of I Am What I Am,

tottering home along the Levante beach
reeking of Babycham and poppers.

- Look...
- No, he's more subtle than that.

I think he went back to his apartment,

threw on a little black
off-the-shoulder number

and spent the night miming to
Martine McCutcheon's This is My Moment

into a hair brush, in the mirror.

Look, I am not gay.

- We know you're not.
- Then why me mother thought...

- You what?
- Of course we know you're not gay.

It was a laugh, though, wasn't it?

Me mother telling the whole of Neptune's
I was gay

and then singing Y.M.C.A. to me,

while you lot dance around her
dressed as the Village People.

Funny bloody sense of humour.

Stupid breeder.

I can't believe he didn't know
we were pulling his leg.

Pull it? I don't think I could lift it.

Oh, she's on top form today.

I, uh...

Have you got that extra key I gave you
for your apartment last night?

- Yes.
- Can I have it back?

Can't I keep it?

Why, planning on locking yourself out
again tonight?

(SIGHING)

Can I help you?

Is it not working out
with your new girlfriend?

I'm sorry, but I fall to see
what business that is of yours.

All right, don't get your knickers
in a twist.

I can see somebody
didn't get any last night.

Martin.

I think we need to talk.

No, it's no good, Mel.

You're gonna have to tell them
to turn back.

Tell them to turn back?
We're nearly there. Look.

Peacock Island.

Mam, Coolio's gone green.

We've all gone green.

What the bloody hell are we going
to this Peacock Island for anyway? Eh?

What have they got there
that we haven't got at the apartments?

- They haven't got anything there.
- You what?

All they got on the whole of the island
is one restaurant.

Well, then what the frig
are we going there for?

Mam, me nana's been sick again.

Believe me, it's the
business opportunity of a lifetime.

Are you all right, princess?

I told you I was no good on boats.

If I've seen that liver I had
for me breakfast once,

I've seen it three times now.

Oh, mother.

Whoa!

(RETCHING)

Fourth time lucky.

Sorry, Mel.

Por favor, grabe su mensaje
después de la señal.

(BEEPING)

Uh... Hiya, Lesley. Um, it's Geoff,

from the, uh, internet chat room thing.

I know that we were going
to meet tonight,

but, well,
I wondered if you was free today?

We could get a bit of lunch.

And obviously if you're busy, you know,

I'll just see you tonight, but, um...

No, no, you're probably busy.

(STAMMERS) I'm busy.

Got quite a lot of,
you know, admin shit and stuff.

(BEEPING) Um...

Shit.

Shit. I can't believe it.
You sounded like a right dickhead!

Hi, I'm Geoff.

Hi. Geoff.

You must be Lesley?

What? Oh, this hat.

It's just something
I picked up in Capri.

Oh, you've never been?

Oh, we must go sometime.

- 3 euros.
- What?

Oh, right.

No, you're all right. Thanks.

(BEEPING)

Come on!

Muchas gracias, señor.

Ugh...

Janice, Papa is talking to you,
wants to know where we're going.

I don't know where we're going, do I?

What's the idea of going to the top?

(COOLIO CRYING)

It's like that Alfred Hitchcock film,
isn't it?

(YELLS)

Can't believe we've come
all the way here for this.

Planet of the bloody apes.

Believe me, this is the opportunity
of a lifetime.

Ooh, I need a drink.

All I can taste is liver
and hot chocolate.

- Oh, nice.
- Come on, mam, let's get some dinner.

Telle, come on, get Michael, hurry up.

Your nana needs a drink.

What can you see?

Um, not a lot.

Exactly.

This is the only undeveloped part
of Benidorm.

What, you want to build a shop here?

Not a shop.

An empire.

Restaurants, cafés, an aqua park,
maybe a hotel.

Sod Mel's Mobility Shop.

What about Mel's Island?

Oh, thank God for that.

For a minute there,
I thought you were going to say

something completely ridiculous.

(SIGHING)

Julio. Julio. Julio.
King of the Latin lovers.

What have you got that I haven't got?

How do you do it? I mean...

I know you got the looks,
the money, the fame.

Oh, yeah, that's how you do it.

All I need is an ounce
of what you've got, that's all.

I just need a little bit
of you inside me.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Hiya.

That sounded bad, didn't it?

Is that all you're giving me?

- You want me to give you more?
- Yeah.

I asked for a large one.

A very large one.

You're sure you can take it?

Try me.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Anytime.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

Madre mía!

The problem is, Brandy,
I'm finding our time together

on this holiday very confusing.

You're constantly blowing hot and cold.

Who are they?

No, I mean I'm getting mixed messages
from you.

We arrive here as friends,

and you're coming on to me very strong,
then you're staying out all night.

Martin, have you any Idea
the last time I had sex?

I don't know. What time is it now?

I last had sex in 2006.

Well, good for you. I'm glad to hear
that somebody's getting...

I beg your pardon?

This is all a front.

I've been doing and saying
stupid things because...

Well, I like you.

And I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt.

So, where did you stay last night?

I slept on a sofa, in reception.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Didn't want to come back after all
the hurtful things you said to me.

Well, I was a little bit drunk.

A bit drunk? You were arseholed.

Anyway, I just think, if we can
start being honest with each other,

that this could be the start
of something big.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'll drink to that.

(GIGGLING)

(SPITTING)

Jesus Christ! What'd you put in there?

Sorry. That must be mine.

(GIGGLING)

Can't work them two out.

What's to work out?

She's a filthy, freeloading slapper

taking advantage of a wet,
spineless mother's boy.

I mean, I know his wife seemed
a bit of a misery, but...

I can't see what he sees in her.

I believe they're called breasts.

Yeah.

Why have we come all the way here
for our dinner?

Don't be ungrateful.
It's a nice day out.

Nice day out? I thought me guts were
going to turn inside out on that boat.

Yeah? Funny, you seemed to recover
just as you were offered

a plate of steak and kidney pudding.

Dad, where's Mel?

Mel? Oh, you mean Donald Trump.

He's over there,
looking for the sale of the century.

- Hola.
- Hola.

Smoke?

Oh, gracias señor.

Excuse me, señor, I was wondering
if I could pick your brains.

Brains?

Do you know who the island belongs to?

Sí.

Who?

Is, island.

No, I need to know
who the island belongs to.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Slowly.

Me, build shops,

mall, restaurants, maybe hotel, here.

Build?

Aqui?

- Here?
- Yes, here.

Is no posible.

But why is no posible?

Who does the island belong to?

The island, it belong to the Dovez.

The Dovez?

Sí.

Who is the Dovez?

You want permiso... Permission to build?

Yes.

Is no posible.

Yes, I understand, but who is the Dovez,
the boss, the owner?

Peacock Island belong to the Dovez.

Right, I see.

It's not what you know,
it's who you know.

Sí.

Oh, uh, could I have one of
my cigarettes?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Yeah, I thought you'd say that.

Not bad, that, as it goes.

Pass us the menu.
Are there any puddings?

Right, have you lot finished?
The next boat goes back in five minutes.

- Mel, me dad said you did a trump.
- You what?

I said he was Donald Trump,
you silly bugger.

Very funny.

Right, come on, let's be having you.
I've got to get back to Benidorm.

Need to see a man about an island.

What, no pudding?

Pudding were included.

Oh, Mick, look!

No!

- Hey, look.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, lovely, look. Hey, I like that.

I look as sick as a parrot.

Hiya, Lesley, it's Geoff.

Um, I'm not sure what happened to you
at the auditorium.

I waited a couple of hours,

but you may have been held up in traffic
or something else came up.

Um, I've sort of wandered
into the old town,

where we were originally
going to meet tonight.

Um, so I might just stay here.

You know, we were meeting at 8:00

and it's already 2:30 now,

so let me know if you get here early,
for tonight, I mean.

It's Geoff, by the way. I don't know
if I said that at the start of the...

(BEEPING)

Geoff?

Geoff, great to see you!

Hola!

Hiya. You all right?

I thought you weren't meant to be here
until tonight.

Yeah, I thought, you know, I'd stretch
me legs for five or six hours first.

Oh, smashing.

You could come with us.

We're off to the Rich Bitch.

It's a fabulous drag bar
just round the corner.

Drag bar?

Yeah, you know, men dressed as women.

Yes, we've never been into
the tranny scene much,

but a friend of ours, Big Donna
from our swinger's association,

she put us in touch.

It is invitation-only this afternoon,

but I'm sure they could
squeeze you in somewhere.

(GRUNTING)

Aw!

Maybe catch you later!

Hmm.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Grande beer por favor.

That's 2 euros, please, darling.

Hola, guapa.

Mine's a large one, if you're buying.

What are they talking about?

- Who?
- Me dad and Mel.

I don't know.
Something to do with Mel's business.

Will you keep your nose out? We don't
want you meddling in Mel's affairs.

Oh? Mel having an affair?

Business affairs. You know what I mean.

Well, he does have a history
of shagging around.

What about that woman
he had a fling with last year?

The one in the wheelchair?

Don't be disgusting.
You know that was a misunderstanding.

Mel only fancy
women in wheelchairs?

Apparently, once you get your
metal wings, there's no turning back.

What is she talking about?

I have no idea.

Well, then tell her to shut up.

Telle, shut up.

You're too forward, you are.

Better then being backward, like you.

There's no wonder you're not married.

I don't wanna get married.

Just as well. Nobody'd have you.

Mother, can we leave it, please?

Thank you.

You've got no role models.
That's your problem.

We had people like Vera Lynn
and Doris Day to look up to.

Who've they got these days?
Amy Whitehouse?

And celebrities on TV reality shows
fiddling with pigs.

Mother, what have I just said?

For God's sake!

Yeah, shut up.

Oh, you shut up!

Janice, tell her.
She's putting her finger up at me.

No, I'm not.

Right, that's it I've had enough.

What's wrong with her?

I don't know.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

And it's not just me mam
that doesn't understand me.

I know you won't believe this,
but I haven't got many friends.

Well, I have got one mate who
I drink with, he's called Eric.

Think he must be in his 80s.

He's a war hero,
but he doesn't like talking about it.

He's every night at the pub,

we have a few pints,
I tell him all me troubles.

He doesn't often say
much back to me, but...

You know, he's from
a different generation.

I sometimes think if he hadn't lost
his legs at Dunkirk,

that he'd just get up
and walk away from me.

But I don't suppose I'll ever know.

Another beer?

No, no, I'd best go, clear me head.

I... I've got a blind date tonight,
well, not completely blind.

I mean, we've texted each other.

Any rate, you take care.

And don't forget, never give up hope.

Who knows? The right girl might just
come along for you.

Thanks.

No problem.

Oh, hello.
Just come down from your parachute?

De nada.

Hiya.

MmMmm.

Hola.

I wondered if you can do me a favour.

Anything.

I've got a friend staying here,

and I want to leave her something
in her room as a surprise.

Is there any way I can get into her room
without asking for her key?

If you give the present to me,
I can deliver for you.

I have a pass key
that fits all the rooms.

Yeah, thought you might have.

What if you give me that pass key,
and I can do it meself?

Is not possible.

What about if I meet you later on,
and we do it together?

You want to do it... with me?

Oh, yeah. I want to do it with you.

What about your boyfriend?

Him? I don't think he'd be all for it.
He's a bit straight like that.

No. I mean, what if he finds out we...

did it together?

Well, we'll just have to make sure
he doesn't, won't we?

(SLURPING)

So what you're saying is, if you find
this fellow who owns the island...

Dovez.

...you think you can convince him
to let you build on it.

Exactly.

Only problem is, where to start looking?

I made a few enquiries, but
the place is full of bloody tourists.

Yeah, funny that, isn't it?

- Excuse me.
- Yes, love?

That barman who serves behind here,
do you know where he's from?

Eh, I think he's Spanish.

(EXHALING)

You know what? The tan, the dark hair,
the Spanish accent,

I think she might be
on to something there.

I meant, where in Spain.

Haven't got a clue.

Why don't you ask him yourself? Mateo!

Right, I think I see my gorgeous wife
over there having a beer on her own,

so I'll leave you three
to your Mensa meeting.

Can I help you, boss?

I need to find a man.

A man?

Yeah. A local man.

There are a few gay bars
in the old town.

I could take you
maybe later in the week?

Not that sort of man. I'm looking...

I'm looking for a local businessman,
goes by the name of the Dovez.

The Dovez?

No.

Never heard of this man.

Are you sure?

You don't know anyone connected
with land or property

in Benidorm goes by that name?

- Sorry, boss.
- Aye, all right.

Well, ask around for me.

A few euros in it for you,
if you find him.

Sure thing, boss.

(WHISPERING) Dovez.

Boss!

Boss!

I think I know who you mean,
Antonio Dovez.

He's a powerful man,
much property and land in Benidorm.

Oh, now we're getting somewhere.
So, where will I find him?

You say there would be
a few euros for me?

Yeah, well, I'll stand you
a couple of drinks.

You're offering to buy me a couple
of drinks in an all-inclusive resort.

All right, 20 euros.
Where can I find Antonio Dovez?

20 euros? Hmm, my memory's not so good.

- 50 euros.
- 100 euros.

- Piss off.

Hang on, hang on. Come back here.

All right, 100 euros. For that price,
I want you to take me directly to him.

For 100 euros, I will bring him to you.
Tonight, 9:00 in Neptune's.

9:00, Neptune's.

Hey, hey, hey. The 100 euros.

When I see the Dovez,
you see the 100 euros.

Done!

Yeah, I have been.

Hey! Hey!

- What?
- Hey!

Uh, sorry.

I must have fallen asleep.

(BEEPING)

Shit!

Excusez-mol s'il vous plait,
Plaza del Castell?

Plaza del Castell, a la derecha.

Cheers.

Good evening, sir. May I help you?

Hiya. I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to meet someone here.

Name?

The Oracle. I mean, Geoff.

I mean... I mean, Lesley.

Is this a group booking?

Lesley, it'll be under the name Lesley.
Two people.

This way, please, sir.

A drink while you wait, sir?

Pint of lager, please.

But of course, sir.

(SNIFFING)

Come on, Geoff, don't mess this one up.

You never know. She could be the one.

(CLICKING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hello. You must be Geoff.

I'm Lesley.

Yeah, I'm sorry about earlier on,
but, uh, I had a flat tyre.

I'd done me own servicing and I'd
forgotten to grease me wheel nuts.

So I've been on me hands and knees
all afternoon.

- Nice here, mind, isn't it?
- Lovely.

Yeah, when I first came to Benidorm,

I thought it was all English breakfasts
and karaoke,

but you'd be surprised.

I have been.

Now then, before we go any further,

there's something I want
to tell you, Geoff.

Okay.

We chatted on-line a lot
yesterday, and, well,

there was one thing
I wasn't completely truthful about.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I want to get it out of the way now.

I mean, we don't want
an elephant in the room, so to speak.

No, wouldn't want that.

No. But I've got a sneaking suspicion
you know what I'm going to say.

Might have crossed me mind.

Geoff...

I'm not 35.

- Really?

I wasn't 100% honest with you
on that score.

Right.

I mean, I've been nervous
about telling you that

but, well, you haven't
done a runner yet.

I can't move.

Well, I must say,
that's a weight off me shoulders.

Mind you, in saying that, I might be
in me 40s but I'm not dead yet.

As me old grandma said as
they were trying to zip up the bodybag.

(LAUGHING)

Uh, do you know what?
I don't know what it is,

but I feel very relaxed with you, Geoff.

Some men give me the creeps.
You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

But with you, well,
I just feel I can let me hair down.

- Eh, you any good at massage?
- No.

Oh, I done a course
just a couple of years back.

Uh, are you familiar with Shiatsu?

Aye, I've just done one.

Well, it's a finger-pressure
massage technique.

It releases toxins from the body.

I know that sounds a bit technical,
but at the end of the day,

all it involves is one person lying
face down on the bed

while the other one
gives him a good poke.

You think you'll be up for that?

Sir?

Madamoiselle?

Champion!

Now, I usually have two starters here
'cause they're only small.

# Sex bomb, sex bomb

# You're my sex bomb

# And, baby, you can turn me on

# You can give me more and more
counting up the score

# Yeah

# You turn me upside down
and inside out

# Make me feel the real deal

# Uh-huh

# And I can give it to you anytime
because you're mine #

You not hungry, mam?

I can't believe it.

What?

Tom Jones!

Oh, aye, he's good, isn't he?

# Sex bomb, sex bomb

# You're my sex bomb #

Doesn't seem to have aged.

She has got to be joking.

Mam, you do know that's not Tom Jones,
don't you?

What do you mean, it's not Tom Jones?

Well, what she means is,
it's not Tom Jones!

No need to shout!

Mam, that's the fella
that was on last night.

Do you remember when Mick
asked him to sing a song for me?

You wouldn't believe
they could afford Tom Jones

in a place like this, would you?

I think she's on crack.

# And, baby, you can turn me on #

Oh, oh, yes!

Yes! Yes!

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's a great pleasure
to be here at Neptune's.

Here's another classic
from the man himself,

The Green, Green Grass of Home.

# The old home town looks the same #

Not Tom Jones!

I suppose the fact that he's got a Welsh
accent is just a coincidence as well.

(LAUGHING)

Hell! It's Will Smith!

(LAUGHING)

What have you got changed for?
I thought you'd gone to the bar.

Where's Tommy Lee Jones?
He's not been eaten by an alien, has he?

I've got a very important
business meeting.

You haven't seen that greasy barman,
have you?

Can you narrow it down a bit?

You all right, Madge?

Cheer up!
It might never happen.

Yes!

Sorry! Oh! Oh!

- Oh, shit.
- Not yet!

Oh, no, no, no.

I mean, I have to go.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry. I have an important meeting.

At this time? Well...

What about me?

Maybe we can finish this
another time, huh?

Oh, fat chance.

Hostia!

What's wrong?

Joder! I lost my pass key.

If you find it,
can you bring it to me tomorrow?

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Close the door on your way out.

(WHISPERING) You're very hot.

What's your meat like?

- I beg your pardon?
- Your steak.

Oh, yeah.

It's all right.

You did right going for well-done.

Ask for it rare, and they pull
the horns out, wipe its arse over here.

(CHUCKLING)

So, how long you been married, then?

- Married?
- A-ha! I'm just testing.

I do attract a lot of married men
for some reason.

Really?

I mean, really?

Oh, yeah. Don't know what it is.
They're like moths to a flame, man.

I suppose I do have a certain
unattainable quality.

That's good to know.

Well, how long have you been single?

Well, I'm on a kind of break
from somebody.

But I think they want
to get back with me.

Quite a lot.

- But you're not interested.
- Well..

- You've moved on.
- Not really.

Or else, why would you be here?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've been single for a while now.

Been living on me own for nearly a year.

Right.

It's funny, but when I'm single
I don't really miss the sex.

Do you?

Definitely not.

Not interested in it at all.

No. There's lots
of other things in life, aren't there?

Loads.

Loads of other things.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I've had
some fantastic wild sex over the years.

But you know the one thing I'm missing?

No?

The craic.

You know, bit of banter with somebody
at the end of the day.

I've got a small chihuahua,
but it's hardly the same, is it?

DONALD: Hi, Geoff!

Lovely night!

(GIGGLING)

Friends of yours?

I need to go to the toilet.

Yeah, you look a bit piggy.

See you in a minute.

# The night grows cold

# My search for gold

# Is leading nowhere #

Where've you been?

Told you. Went to the toilet.

That was nearly an hour ago.

- Martin...
- What?

I think I'm in love.

- In love?
- Yeah.

Who with?

Who do you think?

Señor Harvey...

How do you do, sir?

(MOUTHING)

Gracias.

So, you're the man they call the Dovez?

No.

You what?

My name is Antonio Dovez.
What can I do for you?

Right, but you have a lot of interests
in property, land and the like?

I co-own the sister Hotel to the Solana,

I have a number of villas
in and around Benidorm,

and some land in Calle Fiesta.

I was told you are
a businessman, señor Harvey.

I do not wish to be rude,
but I'm a very busy man.

Peacock Island.

What about it?

I've been there today.

What do you want, a round of applause?

No, I mean, I want to build
on Peacock Island.

But you can't.

That's right. Because you own it.

- No.
- You what?

No, I do not own Peacock Island.

But I was told you did.

Well, then you were misinformed.

Hang on a minute. Let me get this right.

Your name is Dovez,
and you don't own Peacock Island?

- Correct.
- So, who does own it?

Nobody owns it. It is a nature reserve.

A man on the island told me
it was owned by the Dovez.

I can assure you, señor Harvey,
he was not referring to me.

That just doesn't make sense.

For heaven's sake,
Peacock Island is protected.

You cannot build there
because it would disturb the wildlife.

The wildlife?

Yes, mainly the birds.

Mainly the birds!

The white birds.

Dovez.

Doves!

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry. I've heard enough.

Where's my 100 euros?

- What?
- My 100 euros, I want it back.

Bloody dunce,
he was talking about the birds.

- Excuse me.
- Birds.

- What birds?
- The white birds on the island.

And they weren't even doves,
they were bloody seagulls.

I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you talking about?

I want my money back!
Give me my bloody money back!

Oh, go away. You don't scare me.

- Do you mind? I'm trying to get...
- Hey, get your hand out...

Hey, hey! Get your hand out!

# Something's wrong #

Well, don't just sit there.

# Another dawn, another boy

# A boy from nowhere

# There has to be a place for me

# And I must go there #

Get him out!

Yeah, come on, then! Come on, then!

I'm afraid we really must close now.

Perhaps your friend had
some kind of emergency.

Yeah, that was probably it.

That really won't be necessary.

You're a very kind man.

I um...

I don't suppose you fancy
coming back to my place, do you?

Yeah, all right.

Good.

What'll it be?

To Madge.

To Madge? No problem.

I once saw you in Blackpool in 1958.

Oh, did you?