Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Cannes You Cook? - full transcript

- Previously on

- Previously on
"Below Deck Med..."

- That's what the

- That's what the
guests are eating? Tacos?

- Yes, they like Mexican.

- I get it.
You were sick.

I need this.

I have to know that
you can do this.

- The primary is Jay Robertson.
- Thank you so much.

- So is the boat this way
or that way?

- That way.
- Let's roll.



- Never leave the guests behind.

- Where's the rest of the group?
- Nobody knows we're here.

- Ah, [bleep].

- The guests are coming now.
- Oh, you're ----ing kidding me.

- How long until all
the food is ready?

- I'll have a margarita.

- I think she forgot
the tequila.

- Joao's saving the day
and then I ruin it.

- The cabins are
really good, babe.

- I'm happy to hear that.

I'm happy. Anastasia is a strong
third stew so far.

- Cupcakes bake so fast.
- Can you do that?

- I have cooked for 14 people
on a 45-foot Bavaria.

My mom's a pastry chef.
I got this.



- Oh, my God.
Best cake I've ever had.

- Nice work on the bow, Jack.

- It's Travis, but thank you.

- Travis, you're gonna
be lead Deck.

If I'm not onboard,
you have say.

I don't want to see a man
kissing a man in front of me.

- You're a piece of sh--.

Just shut the [bleep] up,

you absolute oxygen thief.

- Just because I'm saying
my opinion about gays?

- Your opinion on gays shows
your opinion on humanity,

which is ----ing terrible.

- Look at you,
it's like some personal feelings

being touched here.
- Maybe I've been with men.

Maybe my friends are them.

- Okay. Good for them!

- You should just be quiet.

You should just shut
the [bleep] up.

I don't want to hear it!

Homosexuality is natural
and you're a ----head.

Sit on the opposite end
of this ----ing table from me,

you oxygen thief.

- Hey-oh!

- I'm excited to have some wine.
- Me too.

- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
This is my favorite place!

- I think I'm just gonna
have a bottle of gin

for dinner to be fair.
- Let me out!

- I think we should have a nice
dinner with each other.

Do you know what I mean?
Come on.

- I don't give a damn.
I'll say whatever I think.

- We've had a very
heated car ride.

- Wait. What happened?
- I'll tell you later.

- Ooh, fancy!
- Oh, my God.

- You're good?
- Yeah, I'm good.

What happened?
What happened?

- Table seating arrangements?
I'm closest to the beach.

- Yay.

- What's wine in France?
- Vino.

[ laughs ]

- Do you have the Whispering
Angel in the magnum?

- Yes.
- We drinking beers or what?

- Oh, can I have a beer too?

- Boys are crushing beers
on the first night!

- I cannot let Jezabob
come out on the first night.

- What is Jezabob?
- Jezabob is my alter ego.

- That's not gonna
work very well.

- That's not hygienic.

- Don't shove your fingers
in it.

- I don't give a [bleep],
mate, I wasn't...

- Get the [bleep]
out of my galley.

- I'm a leader now.
I need to set an example.

Because if they lose
respect for me, I'm done.

- You answer that first so
I can gauge where you are.

- Oh, yeah?

- That's so funny,
'cause I'm all about that.

- Oh, nice.
- That's really good.

- You calmed down now?

- I am calm.

Why is expressing your
opinion kind of bad?

- It's not, it's not.

- I actually do have
a gay friend.

He was doing my hair
when I was 14.

And he's still doing my hair.

And he also doesn't
like when his partner

tries to hold his hand
in public.

That's why I think my opinion
is not wrong at all on that.

- I'm just saying leave it
now and just enjoy the dinner.

- What happened?

- Oh, we just started
talking about gays.

- Oh?

- And I expressed
my honest opinion.

And Travis just said
that he won't even sit

at the same table with me.

[speaking Russian]

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, yes.
Thank you very much.

- That looks lovely.

- Are you sharing
your meat with me?

- Look at the size of it, mate.
- Oh, my God!

- Do what you need to do.

- My 60-year-old mother grew up
in the Republic of Georgia.

There was no openly gay people,

and my mom's still very
progressive in her views.

So to blame that on your culture
is just a load of sh--.

- Is dinner over yet?
- Why?

- Did you hear about what
happened in the other car?

- No.

- Mila said something about
how she thinks

like being gay is wrong.

And Travis stood up for
what he believes in.

I don't really understand
why they're--

- You ----ing kidding me?
- Yeah.

- I'm in shock.

Yachting is such a
multi-cultural industry.

Normally, people who are
open-minded aren't homophobic.

I don't want to be
anywhere near someone

who has a point of
view like that.

- Gonna do it?

I didn't chew it.

- Aesha, M.D.

- What's happening?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I know what's up.
- Let's just go up here.

- Why so quiet, Mila?

- It's a really weird
vibe tonight.

Something's off.

- I don't want to work with a
----ing homophobic [bleep]

who can't even cook.

- Someone spews hatred,
I'm like [bleep] you.

You're invisible to me.

- I'm glad you said something
because that's bullsh--.

- That's a load of bollox.

- This entire time,
I've been going,

"You are really
a sh--ty, sh--ty chef,

but I like you as a person."

And I wanted to help her.

But in the day and age
we live in,

to be thinking like that,
that's disgusting.

- Shall we go back?
- Okay.

- I'm confused as to
what the issue is here.

- Like do you think
they're animals?

You ----ing, like...

- What are they discussing?
- I don't give a damn.

- What the [bleep] is
happening right now?

- I should take her
to Fire Island.

Her mind would be blown.

- We're ready to go?
- Yeah!

- Merci.
- Thank you!

- Hey, girl, keep me calm,
'cause I'm really angry.

- Go ahead.

- I'm with you, mate.

- Hey, ladies.
- What the [bleep]?

- I don't see any smiles
in that van.

- I just need the mother------
to say away from me

so I don't backhand
a bitch and get fired.

- The Hop Store.
This is my joint.

- Where we going?

- This is like
the yachting hub.

The Hop Store is
a yachtie bar

and the beginning of
all bad decisions.

- Good to see you, buddy!

- Can we get two pints
of Konigsberg?

- What do you want?

- Thank you, Nichol.

- There's to you.

[ screaming ]

- This is definitely
a fun crew.

They love to dance,
they love to drink.

Maybe a little too outgoing.

Sometimes my opinion
hurts people, unfortunately.

- Travis!

But we're all here together
and we can be friends.

- Yeah.

Literally, I had six shots
in about four minutes.

- Did you hear what happened
in their car tonight?

- No.

- Jesus Christ!

Some of my best friends
are gay.

Since I was six years old,
my mom's best friend,

we called him
Auntie Shackles.

He would teach us things like
how to put cologne on the back

so when we walked off, everyone
could smell us, you know.

He was the sunshine of our
lives, and he was gay.

And it's illegal in Zimbabwe,
so he had a hard time.

He committed suicide and...
yeah.

I absolutely disagree with her.

But she's from a
different culture.

Do you know what I mean?

- I'm not okay with someone
having that opinion.

- I'm saying you still have
to work with her, so...

- Now supposed she gets fired?

I had to not take out one of her
dishes because it was that bad.

- Maybe we shouldn't
serve the nachos.

- Her cake that she made for the
guests tasted like baking soda.

- Oh, it's really...
- Really strong.

- I've tried much stronger.

- Her food is sh--.

- That's okay.

- Like what the [bleep] is that?

- Coming up...
- Hey, Colin.

There's that box of lines.

Mind your head there,
bud, please.

- All right, give me a sec.
- Cheers.

- [bleep] Oh!

- Are you all right, bud?
Colin!

[bleep]

- Go this way.

- Go this way.
We're leaving.

We're going this way now.

We're going this way now.
- We're going back to the boat.

- Jesus.
- Jump in here.

- You all right?

- We're here.
- Yay.

- Shoes off, please.

----ing hungry.

- What is she doing?

- I don't know.

- Is it yummy?

- Does anybody have a cigarette?

- You guys are insane.

- I'm going to bed.

- I tried to apologize.

He wouldn't want
to speak to me.

- Exactly.

I'm a girl, first of all.
I am a Russian girl.

- Probably should.

- You can get in the jacuzzi
by yourself.

- Even though her opinions
are sh--, she's sexy.

Sexy Hitler.
- Goodnight.

- I don't think I can.

What are you doing?

- I'm just cleaning up quick.

- Stop being so good
with everything!

- Sleep tight.
- Goodnight.

- I'll be out in five minutes.

- Restock the wine fridge
and soft drinks.

Let's get this bitch ready
for charter, girl.

- Awesome.

- How's it going?
- Oi, oh!

- Smells like a brewery
in here, eh?

What's happening?

- Not so much.
- It's quarter to 10.

20 to 10?
When are we starting?

- In 15 minutes.

I'm up. Colin's up.
All the girls are up.

You look like dickheads.

Five to 10.
See you...

- Cheers, bro.

[bleep]

- Good morning, brother.
How are you, man?

- Yes.
- Cheers, brother.

- Travis?
- What's up?

- I'm sorry my opinion
hurt you, okay?

- Oh, you didn't
hurt my feelings,

but your opinion hurts humanity.

So that's my opinion on that.

Done. Finished.

- Here he is.

- Like ----ing Shaggy
from Scooby-Do.

- Right.
Let's crack on.

- Oh, we're not working
too hard today, are we?

- Is that big hose down there?

Oh, my God, you're an animal!

- Joao? Hannah? Mila?

Please meet me in
the crew mess

for a preference sheet meeting.

- Copy that.

- Copy.
- Copy.

- How's everyone?
- Good.

- Good.
- Good.

- Guess who's coming back?
- Who?

- My friend,
Dr. Jennifer Berman.

- Vibrator lady.

- You brought me a gift?
- Yeah.

Your clitoris goes in there.
It sucks and it blows.

- Oh, boy.

- Dr. Jennifer Berman is
a world-renowned urologist

and L.A.'s top vaginal
rejuvenation expert.

She and her group of her
closest friends

are coming back this time
to board a yacht

that actually
leaves the dock.

That's funny.

There are like
seven-foot seas out there.

- Is that right?
- That's so lame.

- Jennifer would like
to lay in the sun

and for the crew to keep
the drinks flowing.

- Jennifer Berman
came last year

and Sandy was definitely
on high alert.

- Hey, am I ever gonna
get that toast?

- For ----'s sake.

- Ridiculous.

- So my main focus this charter
is having all the girls

on service making sure
those glasses stay filled.

There cannot be one mistake.

- So she likes Indian,
Italian, Greek and French,

salads and light fare,
not too heavy.

It's the second charter
and I have to prove myself

after the sickness.

Of course,
I feel a huge pressure.

I got this.

- Okay. I believe you do.

Just make sure the
presentation's there, okay?

- Yes.

Can you please provide
some assistance

in the galley for her?

- Absolutely.

- Thank you.

- Yes.

- And if you need anything,
you're gonna ask me.

- Thank you, Captain.
- Okay. Thank you.

- Thank you, Sandy.

- Are you done in here?
- Yes.

- Right, mother----er.
Let's do this.

- I'm so glad that
we get on well.

-Yeah. The three of us
are so good.

- There is like the one dumb
thing about being the chef,

is like you're kind
of on your own.

- But at the same time,
I miss being the chef

because no one ever
really gets praise

except for the chef, you know.
- Yes.

- I'm like busting my ass
like making their beds,

wiping down their
nasty ass showers...

- Yes!

- Like doing all this sh--
and no one has ever like,

- Doing their laundry.

- "Hey, thank you
for my clean bed.

Thanks for my clean bathroom."
- Yes!

- Looks all right in here, yeah?

- Hey, Colin...

Can you grab it?

- Yeah.
- Sorry, mate.

- Aw, it's all good.

- Mind your head there,
bud, please.

- You need two?

- No. We just need
the longest one.

- All right, give me a sec.
- Cheers.

[ clatter ]
- [bleep]

Oh!
- Are you all right, bud?

Are you all right? Colin!

Are you okay?

- Coming up...

- We have a shrimp and
pineapple salad,

grilled salmon.
Bon Appetit.

- Is that the crab, Jen?
I'm gonna eat that.

- How is it?

- Hey, Colin, there's

- Hey, Colin, there's
that box of lines.

Should be a red line in there.

Should be a red line in there.
Can you grab it?

- All right, give me a sec.
- Cheers.

[ clatter ]
- [ bleep ]

Oh!

- Are you all right, bud?
Are you all right?

[ Colin gasps ]

- Do you need helping out?

- I'm good, I'm good,
I'm good.

Aw, [bleep].

Smashed my eye too.

Yeah, that...
that hurt a lot.

How's your arm?
- It's all right.

- Not broken.

- Yeah, that's a nice bruise
on there, mate.

Let's see it.
Let's go in and have a sit-down.

- Yeah.

- I don't do pills.
- Okay.

- Sometimes I'm allergic
to some of them.

I'm only a couple of days
into the yachting season,

and I think I'm getting signs
that maybe I shouldn't be here.

- Mila? Mila?

Do you want to come and
deal with the provisions?

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- I'm hungry.
- Me too.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm just always
ready for action.

Do you want to know the grossest
thing I've ever done in my life?

So when I was like eight...

I put my finger up my bum...

- Okay, I'm outta here.

- I put my finger up
my bum

until I felt the bottom
of the log.

And then I tracked it
as it came out.

And I was like, okay, so that's
like the way that poo comes out.

- Why would you do that?

You naturally know where
it's coming from anyway.

- Yeah, but I wanted
to feel it.

Like she knows
she's embarrassing herself

and she doesn't care.

Like, it's such
a good quality.

[ chuckles ]

- Joao, Joao, I have
ordered a water bike

and it's arrived.

- Copy. Coming up.

- It's a water bike?

- Yeah, Jack.

- We're gonna go have
a little meeting.

- Oh, we gotta put it
together as well?

- What the [bleep] is this?

- So this next charter
that's coming on

is one of Sandy's friends.

She is very used
to a high standard.

Just focus on service.

And just over-communicate
with me this charter, okay?

- Yeah.
- Okay, thanks, girlies.

- Christ!

I don't understand what
that's for, but cool.

- Is it done?

- Have you got a picture
of what it looks like?

- No, mate.

Jack's an engineer.

But, I mean, how did you get to

where you are with not
following direct instructions?

- What is that thing there?

- That's for your
propeller, mate.

That's how you move.

- All crew, all crew!
Guest arrival is at noon.

- Jack?
- What?

- Can you please take these?
Here you go.

- You're welcome.

- Looking good!

- I'm so happy that
the sun is out.

- There it is.
- Wow! Gorgeous!

- Where's Sandy?
There she is!

Yay, so happy to see you.
- I'm so happy you're back.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. How are you?

- Jessica.
- Anastasia, nice to meet you.

- Hannah.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hello, hi.
- How are you?

- Thank you for giving me
another chance.

Hannah's gonna show you
around the boat.

The guys are gonna
load your luggage.

And then we're gonna take off.

- Yay! Today?
- Yes.

We're gonna go to Cannes
where you wanted to go...

- Yay!

- Welcome aboard.

- Would you like
some champagne?

- Thank you.

- Okay, guys.
Come with me.

- We were wondering if
there's a jacuzzi on this one.

- There is.

- Beautiful!
Look at that.

- This is the master.

- Wow, this is beautiful!

- Then you have your
bathroom through here.

- Wow, it's kind of 1980s.

You can see people going
pee and poo in there.

- Just say I'm using the
restroom and they won't come in.

- Got it? Got it?
- Yeah.

- This is the closet here.
There's plenty of space.

- Would you like a bit more?
- Absolutely.

- Leave some for me,
Colleen, all right?

- Deck Team, Deck Team...

- Joao? Sandy.

Go ahead and
drop the ground lines.

- We are clear of all lines.
- Thank you.

- 15 meters off the dock.

All clear of traffic.

Port and
starboard side all clear.

- Joao is doing a
really great job

because he cares,
because he wants that.

- Look at you!
- It's amazing.

- There's Sandy.

- You look so cute in there!

- I look like Elaine
when I'm doing this sexy dance

when she does the, like...

Men are actually walking away.

[ chuckles ]

- You into the beads?

- Yeah. I actually am.

- All right, we're gonna
drop the anchor.

- Anchor's on the ground.

- Lock it down.

- So we do water, wine
and bread, yeah?

- And while we do that,
I'm plating.

- Okay.

- Now is this permanent
seating arrangements?

- No.
[ chuckling ]

- Just push it
onto the flat.

- For lunch, I've been working
with the crab meats.

I'm not a big crab fan after
my shrimp poisoning especially.

[ coughing ]

But you have to know
how to make it.

- Sure. Thank you.

- And this is?

- No claws.

- You know what we've done
which is real dumb?

- What's that?

[ laughs ]

Pull these out and then we'll
move the bike around.

- Okay, this is some nibbles
to start with.

All right,
they're coming around.

Slow down, slow down.

- Turn it around.

- Is that the crab, Jen?
I'm gonna eat that.

It's a little fishy.

- Mm-hmm.
- Super fishy, yeah.

- Shrimp salad.

- We have a shrimp and
pineapple salad,

tuna tataki, grilled salmon.

Bon Appetit.

- I'm not eating that.

- It's fishy.
- Yeah.

- That French crab is
supposed to taste like that?

- Woo.

- You are flying.

- Hey, Sandy.
- How is it?

- The crab was fishy,

the shrimp is slimy,
like weird consistency.

But otherwise, it's good.
- Really?

The presentation was a lot
better, but did we buy bad fish?

Or was it Mila?

I'm taking care of this.

I'm gonna get you
different food.

- This was really slimy.

- Okay.

- It's Jennifer's
second charter with me.

I so want to knock it
out of the park for her.

And, of course, my friends,

they're not gonna sugarcoat
it like the last charter.

- Chris, I wouldn't eat
that if you paid me.

- I just gotta find out what
the [bleep] is going on.

Mila?
- Yes?

- Okay, so we have a problem.

- I wouldn't eat

- I wouldn't eat
that if you paid me.

- Mila, we have a problem.

The crab was very fishy.
The shrimp is very slimy.

- Sandy just said to...

- I'm making them take all
the fish off the table.

- No!
- Let me finish.

I don't want anyone
to get food poisoning.

- This is new?

- Yeah, this is
from the freezer.

- You gotta make them
something else.

I particularly don't think
that tastes good.

- Nope, I'm not eating that.

- I can take that for you.

- Taste it.

- I feel awful.

I ordered fresh shrimp.

I'm getting frozen shrimp
from Vietnam.

- It doesn't taste good.

- So, I mean, like if
it's not a good quality,

what can you do about it?

- Can you grill a piece
of chicken really?

- Yeah, sure.

- Frank asked for a
grilled cheese sandwich.

- So can you make a
grilled cheese sandwich?

- Sure.
- Okay.

I'm feeling frustrated
because your food

isn't matching
your photographs.

These are yours.
- I know.

- I need this.
- Those are mine.

- You're either sinking the boat
or you're floating the boat.

And right now,
Mila is sinking the boat.

Anastasia, could you
please head to the galley

and help Mila with lunch?

- All right.

Well, at least I'll lose
a couple of pounds.

- Okay, what's happening?

- They want a
grilled cheese sandwich.

- It's awful.
- I know.

- Could you help me, bro?
- To do what?

- We're gonna throw
this slide over.

- Can you grab me
the butter, please?

- Thank you.
- Of course.

- Thank you.

Just get a bottle of champagne,

I'll be like swigging
it one swig,

tossing the glass off
the back of the jet ski.

[ chuckles ]

- Hey, man,
I'm ----ing tired.

- All right. Slide?

- Slide.
Oh, lovely.

- Us Americans, we know how
to make grilled cheese.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- I'm hungry, mate.
Let's get this slide done.

- Here we go, Frank.

- Oh, thank you so much.
Too kind, too kind.

- Oh, toys!
Ooh! Look at that.

- Mm, it's nice.

And old women, they could
teach you some stuff.

- These better?

- Would you like any dessert
or shall we just finish?

- Jen likes dessert.
- I do, but I'm good.

- Cool. Okay.

- Deck Crew, I think
they're gonna come

and play with the toys now.

- They don't want any more food.

This lunch has been
an epic failure.

The charter guests are unhappy,
Sandy's unhappy.

Not only is Mila a homophobe,

she also can
officially not cook.

[ sighs ]
Okay.

- Good afternoon!
- Hi!

We're coming
to the water sportage.

- What would you like?

- You're flying over there,

going between yachts
and everything.

[ shrieks ]

- He's like a child!

- I don't want your friends
having that sort of food.

What I've been thinking
is how about

I keep Anastasia in the galley?

- That's great.

- Yeah?
- Yes.

This season, Hannah's doing
an amazing job.

She has drive, she's focused.

She has a completely
different energy.

- Do we just put her in there
to "help" her at the moment?

- For now, yes, until
I have a conversation.

- How'd I do?
- Are you kidding me?

- All right, that's enough now.
Get on the boat and relax.

- Yeah, baby!

- Can I grab you for two seconds
to give me a hand?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Okay, so if it's okay with you,

I'm gonna put you in
the galley with her.

- With her?
- With her.

- Okay, I was like...

- Not on your own,
no, no, no.

You'll be in there helping her.

And then you can help us
when you can.

- It feels good to be able
to step up for my team.

But now I'm thinking of
a thousand ----ing things

that I need to do.

What am I gonna feed
these people?

- Don't take any sh--
from her.

You don't work for her.
You're there to help her

which is something that
shouldn't even be happening.

- Okay.
- Thank you, lovely.

- Of course.

- No.

- I got along with
everybody last season.

This season is
a little different.

They're all nice people.

They're just not
my type of people

that I would hang out with.

- Yeah.

- Even though I'm feeling
a little homesick,

I fell into a bilge.

So I'm pretty sure
I'm considered a yachtie now.

- So what were you supposed
to do for dinner tonight?

- When's your break?

I don't seem to have one
on this boat, do I?

- Mila, I'm gonna give
you Anastasia for the rest

of this charter
to help you in the galley.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- I'm just like scared
to cook for them

with Anastasia or without.

- Like, Mila, I'm so sorry,

but I understand
what their problem is.

The quality's just not there.

I'm just letting you know
Anastasia's gonna be helping you

for the rest of
the charter, okay?

- Thank you.

- Coming up...
- I left you all some gifts.

I gave you one of these last
year, and this one is smarter.

- One goes in the vagina,
one goes in the butt.

[ chuckles ]
- Oh, my.

- Careful.

- Careful.
- Jennifer is driving a jet ski.

- Absolutely.

- Absolutely.
It was really fun.

- So how many courses
were you going to do?

- Okay.

What if we did like a citrus
Carpaccio with grapefruit,

orange, no meat?

- Fruit.

- Really? Okay.

- We'll get through it.

I have so much sympathy
for what Mila's going through

on a personal level.

- But on a professional level,
I don't have sympathy.

It's -----up after -----up.

I get it.
It's hard, but like come on.

We just got to pull it together.

- I'm going to have to give
Anastasia to the galley.

- Okay.

- I'm gonna need some, like--
- No worries.

- Yeah.
- Cool, just let us know.

- So they're putting
Anastasia into the galley.

- Hi.

- How are you doing, honey?

- I'm in the galley with Mila.

- Hannah came and got me.
It was just like she needs help.

So I was trying to create
a menu for tonight.

My mom is my rock.

It's always just been us.
And my mom's a chef.

I grew up in the kitchen.

I've watched her cook
since I've had memories.

I'm gonna do a citrus Carpaccio
with some raspberry sea salt

and some micro greens.

- I'm pretty much a direct
reflection of my mom.

She's always like,
if you're not doing the best,

then you're not the best or
you're not working hard enough.

- Thank you.

- Love you. Bye.
- Love you. Bye.

- Yeah!
- Oh, so cute.

Look how cute we are.
- Oh, that's adorable!

- Look how cute we are.

- What is your dinner menu?

- Beef filet with asparagus.

Honestly, I just feel so bad.
I'm like...

- This is not personal.

This is about quality.
I need to have quality.

- What's happening, bro?

- You guys want drinks?
- Nope.

- I do.
- What would you like?

- Don Julio cosmo
and an ashtray.

- Okay, sure.

- Am I the only alcoholic
in the ----ing crew?

[ crying ]

Aesha? Aesha?

Change quickly into
your whites, yeah?

- Copy.

- Mila?

You okay?
- Yeah.

- What? This?

- I need one.
I need something.

- Where's my ashtray?
Where's my drink?

Does anyone have
a ----ing lighter?

- There you go.

- Thank you.
Do you have an ashtray?

Oh, oh. I love you.

[ chuckles ]

- It's a ----ing orgy
with my husband

and all the vaginas!

- Sharing is caring.

- Regardless of what boat
I'm working on

or what position I am, you'll
always find me in the galley.

- You want me to be on
two 'til the morning.

- Like sex?
- Yeah.

- Deck Crew, Deck Crew,
if someone's free,

a hand in the galley would
be greatly appreciated.

- Yeah, copy that.

- Colin and Jack, one of you
on break now, yeah?

If you are, then
we can swap out.

- I'm just doing a bit
of work in the galley.

- Are you supposed to
be on break now?

I'll come and swap you out.

- [bleep].
He's a tool there.

- I'm gonna piss him off,
aren't I?

- Jack is one of those guys
that will do

the absolute minimal amount
of work to not get fired.

- In that case, mate,
just keep going.

- Oh, [bleep] off!

- This is where
the party is.

- Okay, sauce ready.

- Confident for dinner?
- Yes, ma'am.

- My little super star.

- Mm-hmm.

How you want to plate it?

- Salad in the middle.
- Do we need to do it together?

- Oh, I'm good.
You carry on with those.

At this point,
I'll do anything to help.

I'll make the salad.
She can make the steaks.

I hope that Mila knows
I'm not there

because I think I'm better

and I'm like,
"Put me in the game, coach."

- The Carpaccio.

- But I also don't want
to serve sh--ty food.

Oh, that's pretty.

- I left you all some gifts.

- Ooh, presents.
- Yes.

- Oh, boy.
- This one's for Sandy...

- Okay.
- My dear friend.

I gave you one of these last
year, and this one is smarter.

So last season, Jen kept the
vibrators behind closed doors.

And this season, they're
right there on the dinner table.

- Smarter?

- It learns your likes
and dislikes.

- But I guess at least
that's one thing

that's appetizing on the table.

- Is this like a Fitbit?

- Show me how to use it,
Jennifer.

- I am a virgin
when it comes to this.

- Deck Crew, have I got one of
you guys on service tonight?

- Hannah?

- That sounds very
promising, Travis.

- What is that?

- It's gonna put boys
out of business.

- Is that a vibrator?
- It is.

- Oh, my God!
Can I have that?

- Seriously?

Oh, my God.

- No, I've got one in my room.

Is that the updated version?

- Anastasia?
Anastasia?

Let's get going with
those starters.

- There's two pieces to it.

One goes in the vagina,
one goes in the butt.

- Oh, my.

- Ready to go?
- Yep.

- Wonderful.

- Thank you.

- So to start with this evening,
you have a citrus salad

with a lemon vinaigrette
on a bed of arugula

with raspberry sea salt.

- Looks delicious.
- Bon Appetit. Enjoy.

- Thank you.
- All right.

When I make something for
somebody, whether it be a salad

or a friendship bracelet
or whatever it is that I create,

I need validation.

Please like it.
We need this one.

We need just one.

- Wow, that is very good.

- It is good.

- It is good.
It's very good.

- Do you like it?
- I do like it.

- Yeah.
- It's very good.

- The flavors just pop
in your mouth.

- Beautiful presentation.
They love it.

- Thank you.
They love it?

- Yes.
- Thank God.

- Can you just look at this?
This is fantastic.

Chris, look!

- Right now, I'm looking
at that salt.

You can pass that salt, now?

- Hectic?

- I'm just down a girl.
- Yeah.

- I'm trying to get
the cabins done

at the same time as service.

- I could give it
my best shot in cabins

if you like if someone shows me.

- You can go down
and help Aesha.

- I'll go help them out.
- Thank you.

Never in a million years did
I think I'd be saying this,

but I actually seem to be
getting along with Joao.

He's actually helping me.

And I don't want to
punch him in the face

every time I look at him.

- Do you want
to dry those for me?

- [bleep]

Right after I draw
a sweet ass dick.

- Aesha?
- Yeah?

- Are you naked?
- No.

- Can I help you?

- Do you want to help
do this bed?

- Yeah, sure.

- Wonderful.

- Okay, meat is ready.
- Okay.

Take it out and,
yes, put it on this.

- No, no, no.

I just want to keep
it still here.

Let it...

- Okay, if you keep it in
the pan, it's gonna overcook.

- Okay, it's not
gonna be overcooked.

But I am the chef and
I'm the one who is cooking.

so [bleep] off.
- Okay.

So as far as plating goes,
asparagus in the middle,

steak on top?

- Are you telling me
how to do it or...

- I'm asking you.

Are you having attitude
with me right now?

- No, I'm not.
- Okay.

I'm asking do you want me
to take a spoon and...

- Asparagus maybe like this,
steak on top, puree...

- What is it?

- Okay, the ones
with garnish go.

- Right, mate?
Me being top waiter?

- He has never jerked
off in his entire...

I asked him to jerk off!

- Chris has some issues!
- I don't have issues!

- Yes, you do!

It is our mission to
get Chris masturbating

before the end of this trip.

So for your main
course this evening,

you have a beef filet on a bed
of asparagus with a beef jus.

Bon Appetit.

- Men want to jerk off like
three times a day, right?

- Probably.

- Yeah.
- I see the most patients.

They say they masturbate
like three times a day.

- Yeah, that's what I thought.
- Can't believe it.

- Jennifer's got
the rack out.

It's lovely.
- Lovely!

- That real clean
front view is...

[ chuckles ]

- Need me for anything else?

- Are you off now, yeah?
- At 10, yeah.

But I helped
like bringing dishes and stuff.

- No, bud.
- You sure?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

- Do you like your steak? No?

Jennifer, do you
like your steak?

- I don't really eat steak,
but, yeah, it's good.

What do you think of it?
- It's okay.

- I would say it's a little
bit plain, but it's dry.

- Frank, is yours dry?
- No.

- Mine wasn't dry.
- Mine was good. Meat's good.

- Delicious.

She likes it and
she's a steak eater.

- Come on.

- Sandy?
- Yes?

- So Jessie and Frank eat
in the best steakhouses

in New York. And she says
that this is...fine.

- The word fine...
- No, very acceptable.

- Acceptable and fine is...

- People don't charter a super
yacht for just "fine food".

They don't like it.
- They don't?

- Okay, so we failed today
in the food sense.

- What can we do for tomorrow?

- Next on "Below Deck Med"...

- Do you have a little
thing for Jack?

- You know, you're
not supposed to be

attracted to your
brothers, right?

- You know what I mean.

- She's flirting with the guys.

- I'd be willing to risk
my life to bang Dr. Jen.

- I'm friendly, I'm kind.

Right now, I'm getting pissed.
- Okay.

- Anastasia needs to cook
because your food is sh--.

Boom. There!

- I need those dishes
to be washed.

I need this trash to
be taken out first.

- I've copped so much
more work now

because you are
a ----ing dickhead.

- I'm sorry.
You're a good person.

[ chuckles ]

You did nothing wrong, nothing.

- I'm gonna go skinny dipping.

- Get back to nature
a little bit.

- What the [bleep] do you think
you're doing right now?

- Mila, what is this for?

- Oh, it's just something
I wanted to cook.

- No? Okay.

and Sandy doesn't either.

- If they don't like my food,
then that's on them.

- What are we gonna do?

- For more
"Below Deck Mediterranean",