Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Game Time - full transcript

- Previously on

Mediterranean"...

- The Med is the playground
for the rich.

- Holy hell.

- How's it going?
You're the chief stew?

- I am.
- Off top.

- I can shake my booty
with the best of them.

- They're all cute.

It's that brunette
and blue eye combination.

- Oh, yeah.
- Dude, that's a hard find.

- I'd like
to offer you the chief mate's



position on the boat.
- Fantastic.

- Do you enjoy
the deck work more?

- Oh, absolutely. I have
a degree in marine biology.

Like, I don't want to clean up
toilets for a living.

I need my vitamin D.
- Well, now you're inside.

What the fááá
is Tiffany doing here?

- Our primary
is Christine Bullock,

a health-conscious person that
just launched a skincare line.

- That girl is fine.

- Eggplant and grease.

I don't want any of that.

- What's happening?
They don't like it or what?

- They said it's very heavy.

- Fááá.
- Dude, where you been, girl?



Supposed to be on deck
at 6:00.

You up on deck at 6:00?

- Jen is the first female

I've ever worked with
on the exterior.

so this is gonna be
a challenge for me.

- No.

It was one of our
non-negotiables,

was to have it on.

- Our tip's at risk.

I can't go back to the boat

and tell them there's no game.

I'm hoping you can help me.

There's a football match
my guests want to watch tonight.

I'm looking
for a football game.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

It's an American
football game.

- Hey.
- How was your lunch?

- It was delicious. Thank you.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Oh, good, good, good.

- Bob is
so grumpy though.

He's really upset
about the Steelers game.

- I'm starting
to feel really anxious

because it just doesn't seem
like this game is gonna happen.

I've definitely had
better charters,

and for the first one
of the season,

I probably would have liked it
to be going a bit more smoothly.

- No, they've won two
on the line.

- I know, but they haven't
been to six, have they?

- No. They've won six.

What's up?

- How you doing?

- Finished our
beautiful lunch here.

It was excellent.
- So it's a super-small town.

It's basically just one café

with a TV
with the local channels.

- Sháá. I've never missed
a Steeler game, period.

- You've never missed
a single Steelers game?

- Never missed a single
Steelers game.

- My only hope
now is that the captain,

by some miracle, gets the game
working on the boat.

So we've got the boat ready.
Come with me.

- Come on, guys.
- Fááá.

- Thank you.

- So I was thinking

that hooking the computer
up to this TV,

we can stream it
over the Internet.

- Makes sense to me.

- When a guest
has a non-negotiable request,

we have to do everything
within our power

to make that work,

and if we don't do it,

we are essentially
failing in our jobs.

- We got a red flag here.

- Oh, it means
no Internet connection.

áááá.
Lost the Internet.

We've got the connection now

from a computer
to the receiver to the TV.

I don't understand
why it can't get online.

- I'm back in the dungeon.

Dan, towels for you guys.

- For outside?
- Yeah.

- Don't they have to be dots?
Or no?

- I don't know what you guys
mean by dots and waves.

I've been a gypsy
for five years.

I was dredging
and then I started yachting.

I don't even have
an apartment.

I move around a lot.

I thrive off change,
and this is so monotonous.

So what is this?
- A fat wave.

- Oh, it's
a crew towel anyway.

- Yeah.
- So not that.

I know I just need
to buckle down,

learn my interior,

then get my captain's license
right after this.

- I don't understand
why it can't get online.

- So we can't get online?

- I haven't been able
to get online from day one.

I can't even watch boobies
on my phone,

and you're trying
to stream a football game

in the middle of the Med,
come on.

- We're gonna have to go
into our Internet connection

and choose a different one.

- Let's give it a shot.
Let me try Princess.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

- That's it.
- Oh, yeah.

- Boom. That's done.

- Now we've got it.
It's just super-slow.

- I'm sure it'll be fine.

- Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

- What are you making?

- I am making
red scorpionfish.

It's got almost like
a lobster texture.

- That sounds amazing already.
- Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty awesome.

Last night's dinner
was probably a little heavy.

I'm gonna go
the opposite direction

with some fresh-caught
scorpionfish

and a little prosciutto bacon
to placate the guys.

Please, God.
Let's hope they enjoy it.

All right.

- Ever since you put
my hat on, it stinks.

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, but smell my head.
Does that stink?

- Ugh.

- You're not nice.

- Welcome back.
How was lunch?

- It was great.
- For you, not for me.

So stupid.

- Mmm.

How's it going?
- Ugh.

- What did you find?
What are you doing?

- I'm just gonna give
the captain a bit of an update.

There's not one bar or pub

that's gonna show the game
at 3:00 a.m., anyway.

- Uh-oh.
- Hello.

- So I have great news for you.
- Really?

- We've got the streaming
thing working.

We've got the game.
- Yes.

- We've got it
on the big screen.

- Thank God
for the Internet.

Oh, my God.
I just feel like, phew.

- Yeah, a load off.

- Okay. Sweet.
Thank you.

Very good news.
- Really?

- It's gonna stream here.
- Really?

- Yes.
- That's really good.

- So, what I was thinking

is because they're gonna be up
till at least 6:00,

you need to get up at 4:00
and do the morning stuff.

Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, it shouldn't be
a problem at all.

- Yeah.
- My family's from Pittsburgh.

I grew up with my dad
and my brother,

so I'm a huge Steelers fan,

and love screaming at the TV.

I'm like that assáááá in the bar
that's standing up on it like,

"Come on, áááá!"

I don't mind.
Game's on. Yay.

- Yeah.
Perfect. Done.

- Jen. Jen.
Where you at?

- Yeah.
Where you want me to meet you?

- I don't you
to meet me anywhere.

I just want you on deck.

- Fááá.

Uh, Bryan,
I'm changing my tampon.

Thank you.
Hey, I went to pee,

and I didn't feel
it was appropriate

to tell you
over the radio.

- No problem. You can just say,
"Look, I'm in the bathroom."

- That's the thing, I don't
want everyone to hear, like,

the captain, "Oh, I'm in the
bathroom," like I don't know.

- Yeah, that's fine. Just say,
"Look, I'm using the restroom."

- You want me to tell you
when I'm going to the bathroom?

- Yeah. When we're out on deck,
you're on my time.

You can't just disappear

and then be upset with me
'cause I'm trying to find you.

I'm your boss.
Have some respect.

I know you know better,
so just do it, and that's it.

- The filet mignon of fish.

- When we were in Bora Bora,
I was able to watch the game.

Florence, we were able
to watch the game.

- Is the backdrop
not amazing?

Do you know what would just make
these nights so much better?

- A cocktail.

- A cocktail and the game
being shown on board.

- No way!

You're kidding.
Are you F-ing with me?

- I'm not fáááing with you.

- You move mountains.

- Exactly.
Well, that's our job.

- Love it!

- I'm gonna let Jen off
around 10:30.

- Cool.
- And then it's gonna be

you and me for
the remainder of the night.

- Bryan and I get along great

because he reminds me
of the guys at the firehouse.

I'm coming onto this
not knowing anything,

so I am just a sponge ready
to learn everything I can.

- You know, the game
only starts at 3:00?

It starts at 3:30,

and I'm gonna get up
and watch the end of it.

Well, not--I mean, work.

- Yeah, nice.
- Yeah.

- You're the guy
who has to stay out

until they're done.
You cool with that?

- Let's do it.

- So we're doing
two little forks.

- Yeah.
- One big fork.

Fish, knife, knife.

- Take this off.

So one small one in there.

Yeah, that looks nice.
All right?

- I like them to, like,
see it how I'm seeing it.

- So you want the point
left-hand corner?

- Point at the top, yeah.

- For starters,
we have a Greek salad

with a homemade dressing.

Bon appétit.
Enjoy.

- Cheers. Everybody,
thanks for coming to Greece.

The Greek salad's so nice.

- Let's do this.

- You look very sharp
in your uniform.

- Thank you.
You ladies look lovely too.

- Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Go in the other room, please.

- How's it going?
- It's going well.

How's your day been?

- Nothing horrible's
gone wrong.

Were you ever able to find
any kind of stationary

to print menus on?

- Do you usually
do menus, Ben?

- I'm trying to have
clear thoughts

and if there's a lot
of banter in the background,

it fááá you up.

I don't want this to turn
into a social place, all right?

So just,
if someone comes in,

don't ask them
high-mileage questions,

like how was their day,
you know?

All right, um--
- Are we good to go?

- Local red scorpionfish,
couscous and lemon vinaigrette.

Just be careful
with them too.

- You can play football.

You know the defense is
gonna be aiming to hurt him,

and he's gonna cry
like a little baby.

- Oh, wow, look at this.

- That looks like
prosciutto bacon.

- So, Hannah, what is all this?
- This is a very rare fish.

It's a red scorpion,
lemon vinaigrette,

and prosciutto.

- Oh, wow.
- Mmm.

- If Ben were a chick,
I'd make out with him right now.

- They're all having orgasms
at the table.

- Do they like it?
Thank you.

- Is it really
almost midnight?

- It's almost midnight.
I'm ready for football.

- I will not be watching the
game with these guys tonight.

- Night-night, daddy.
- Good night.

- We're good?
- We're good.

- Yeah, there you go.
- Thank you.

- Good night.
You're welcome.

See you at 6:00 a.m.

- Yeah, 6:00 a.m., on deck.
- Good night.

- Mmm.

That is so good.

Mmm.

- Daniel-san.
- Yeah.

- What are you still doing up?
- I'm going to bed now.

- Does anyone have
a really squishy pillow

and want a fluffy pillow?

- Yeah, I like fluffy.
- Okay, I'll swap you.

- You want to swap?
- Yes.

Oh, my God.
That looks amazing.

Thank you.

- Is that better?
- Much better.

And it smells like you.

- Bobby!

- Was it a rough day?

- No, no.
It was rough on Hannah.

But, you know, she's got me.
Backup.

- 5'4" backup.

- Bobby cracks me up.

When he first got on the boat,
I was thinking,

"Oh, gosh.
This guy loves himself.

He's gonna talk about himself
all the time."

But he's so goofy.

He just lights up the room,
and I love that about him.

You taking it easy tomorrow
night if we have the night off?

What kind of drinker are you?

You a lightweight?
Can you drink a lot?

- I'm a lightweight,
but I can maintain.

- Okay.

- A couple drinks
and I'll get a solid buzz,

and still maintain.

- Okay.
Do you know what you're saying?

In the U.K., when a guy
says he can maintain,

it's about maintaining
the downstairs.

- Yes.
- Okay.

- And I'm telling you,
I can maintain.

You're gonna see it.
- Okay.

- Let's get this started.

- I just brought you
some pretzels.

- Thanks for staying up with us.
- My pleasure.

Let's get this game
going for you.

- There was no chance
I was gonna miss this.

- I'm so happy
that we managed

to get the game
working on the boat,

because seven-star service

is really taking it
to the next level.

It needs to be
so much better than anything

that they've ever experienced.

- "The game will start soon."

- Oh, there we go.
There we go.

- Boy.

- Oh, my God.
- You want some coffee?

- People are like,

"Why do you love, like,
watching your team so much?"

People don't understand.

When you grew up
with your family,

it's a bonding thing.

- You'll, like, stay up
that late for a football game?

- Don't you roll yours eyes
at football.

- Oh, sááá.

- I mean, my brothers,
my dad, my grandpa,

that's all we talk about.

- Okay, gentlemen.

I'll leave you to it
for a minute.

I'll be right back.
- Oh.

- I'm not hearing anything.

- Oh, come on.
It should play.

- I'm exhausted
and I want to go to bed,

and if this fáááing game
does not start working soon,

I am going to smash something.

- áááá.
- Stopped again.

- Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

- I can't believe it.

- How do we make
this thing work?

- Come on.

- We're--we're--
It's buffering.

- Unreal.

- Coming up...

- Tiffany, could you
get onto that list?

- I'm on it.

- So then let's go.

You've done fáááing nothing.

- Fááá.

Stopped again.

- Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

- Come on.
- No, they kicked off.

- Unreal.

- It's giving us little
snippets,

and then it goes back
to freeze-frame.

It's very frustrating.

You do everything
you possibly can,

and one little thing
doesn't come to fruition.

That certainly can affect

their satisfaction
of the whole trip.

- Oh, fááá.
Oh, fááá.

- Oh, fááá.

- Hey.

- Is it working?
- It's buffering.

- Oh, fááá.

- I'll just quickly
run through that list with you.

Like, obviously, you're
gonna organize the drinks.

Like, two tonic, two soda.

Wipe down the main saloon

and the hallway
and the staircase

and have breakfast
set by 8:30.

And just have the hair
behind your face

just with the guests.

- Oh, good morning
to you, too.

- I actually
might go to bed.

I really hope
your game comes on.

Tiffany will be around
if you need anything, okay?

- Fááá.
It's so frustrating.

- I'm off to bed.
- I couldn't sleep again.

- Yeah.
Oh, my God...

- Oh, there we go.
We got audio.

- You got to be kidding me.
Two field goals missed already?

- Ah, sááá.

Ahh!
Jeez, come on, dude.

You can do it!
Oh, I mean, come on.

Oh, Christ. Ahh!
- You sounded sad.

- So far,
the audio's bad luck.

- If it makes feel better,
I'm representing.

- Oh, nice.

We have to win.
I mean, come on.

- This guy must be so pissed.

He can't watch the game,

and his team
is playing like sááá.

I'll just get him really drunk
so he's not too upset about it.

- Every missed field
goal, double it.

- How we doing?

- Fááá my phone.

- Well, a good luck drink,
hopefully.

- Ah, right.
Oh, sááá.

It's coming on.

Oh! Oh!

It's a touchdown!

You're good luck.
You got to stay.

You stay through
the rest of the game.

The sun just came up. We're
sitting down watching games.

Whoo!

We lost this game.

- Good morning.
- Yeah.

- Oh, my God, he finally got
the game streaming.

Like, he couldn't watch
the whole first half.

He only had audio.

He's had, like,
18 of these gin drinks.

I don't know
how he's still awake.

- 18?

- And I'm not
pouring them light.

- What the hell is that?

- That's green juice.
You want some?

- Well, what's in it?

- Spinach, lettuce, apple,
lemon, ginger.

- I'm over it.
- No? You're over it?

God, you scare easily.

- Yo.

- I've been in such
a destructive mode.

I've been thinking about
just stealing that boat.

- And where would you go?

- I didn't get that far
in my thought process.

- Daniel, Daniel.

- You either go all the way
out into the ocean

where you'll run
out of gasoline and die.

- Daniel, Daniel.

- I'd port over here

in that city
and you'd never find me.

- But I'd find the tender
and have it back.

We'll be like,
"Fááá our guest.

We don't need him."

- Nah.

- Daniel.
- Yes.

- I hate it interrupt.
Can I talk to you real quickly?

- Yeah, yeah. Sure thing.
Hey, I'll catch you later man.

- It's clear to see
that Daniel hasn't worked

on a high-end yacht
like this before.

We're here to make sure
the boat's clean,

their drinks are full,

and if they want to go swimming,
we're there to help them.

Not here to have
a conversation.

A couple of things.
- Yeah.

- First off, your radio's out.
- Sorry, man.

- No problem.
Here, let me fix it.

See this tube?

You see how it's
kind of bent out?

You can twist this
in a little bit

and that's gonna,
like, conform to your ear.

- Okay. Cool.
- There you go.

And I know
we want to talk

with the guests,
and that's fine.

- Yeah, yeah.
- But casually, you know,

drinking a soda and
shooting the sááá with them,

we just don't--
we kind of want to avoid that.

- Five star service, to me,

is going above and beyond
for the guests.

I mean, if I made
that connection,

then maybe he'll say,
"Here's some cash, baby.

Here's some cash
for your ass."

- Why don't you go down
and take a little break.

Finish your drink
and come back up.

- Okay. Sounds good.
- See you up in a bit.

- Hey, guys.
- Hello.

- How's it going?
- Good.

- So I was thinking
about doing an omelet today.

- I'm gonna go paddleboard.

- I thought breakfast would be
good at 9:00 anyway.

- Perfect.
- All right. Sweet.

- Cheers, guys.

- Tiffany, have you done

what needs
doing downstairs, yeah?

- Um...

- Go through the list.
Check.

- Oh, no,
I haven't done that.

A secret of being a stew
is you've got to multitask.

You know, you're getting
a drink for someone.

At the same time, you've got
to be fluffing a pillow.

You've got to always
be doing something.

- How are you?

- We played well enough
to lose, so it's okay.

- I bet Tiffany watched
some of the game with you.

- Yeah, she did.

I don't know.
She's a Steelers fan, too.

- Yeah.
Well, good.

I am so sick of me and
Julia working our butts off

and running around

and for her to just watch
a football match?

I don't think so.

Tiffany, how much have
you done from that list?

- I struggled a little bit
with getting breakfast ready.

The juice took me the longest.

- I'm just
trying to gauge

how it took you four
and a half hours to do that.

- I'm not here to intentionally
make her look bad.

I'm giving her 110%,

and whether she believes it
or not, that's the truth.

Like, I'm doing
everything I can.

- I know, baby.

- Here, come close.
Here, I've got you.

- Thank you guys.
- Sure, of course.

- It was amazing.

- All right, guys, let's go
chill out and eat breakfast.

- Sounds good.
- Ohh.

- Hell yeah.
Ben has done it again.

- Well, it's the most
exciting time for the day.

- I know!
Did you figure out what that is?

- I don't care.

- Everyone here is
so excited to be in Greece,

and I cannot stand this place.

I hate how old
the buildings are.

I hate the food.
I miss my dog.

I miss Starbucks.

- Deck crew, deck crew.
Hannah.

If any of you guys
have a minute,

there's, like, a cardboard
box on the aft deck.

- Definitely.

Hey, I'll come
and take care of it.

Are you good to go?

- What are we moving?

- A box that's on
the main aft deck.

That's gonna go fore
to the Jacuzzi.

- To the Jacuzzi?
- To the Jacuzzi.

- Okay, okay.
- Just bung 'em up there.

- When I was younger,
my father was an alcoholic,

and he couldn't really
work that much.

So I had to go ahead
and help pay the bills,

help put food on the table,

help out the family.

So now my first reaction
is to help out.

This.
You carry one.

Carry two.

And I'll be
right behind you.

- Come on, Weasel.

- All right.
We're ready with this.

- It's a Greek omelet.
- Greek omelet?

- Definitely got some
truffle oil.

- Mmm.

- Tiffany?
- Yeah?

- Could you get
onto that list, please?

I'm happy to do service.

- I'm on it.
- So then, let's go.

- I am.
- Ugh.

- Well, you're not,

'cause you're standing here
staring at this.

- I'm trying to read
the date on it.

- Why do you need
to know the date?

Fáááing go.
Go right now.

Do your job.

- Just chill.

I think Hannah might be
jumping the gun

to get this pissed off
with Tiffany this early.

She's a third stew.

She's not meant to be an amazing
genius at her job yet.

- Go, do the cabins
with Julia.

- I'm sorry.

- Then she's out
of my fáááing face

for some amount of time.

- Coming up...

- You've been dealing with her
for three days straight.

- No, I haven't.
- Okay. Exactly.

- Your department
is the deck.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, back it up.

- Julia, Julia.

Hannah.

- Go ahead, Hannah.

- I've just sent Tiffany
down to do the cabins with you,

and I'll take care
of the guests upstairs.

- Got you.
That's perfect.

Thank you.

Tiffany, are you okay?

- I can't fáááing please her.

- Oh, that's all right.
Don't. Come on.

You don't need to cry.

Come on, pull it together.

Third day, come on.

No one likes to see
anyone cry, do they?

Come on, sweetheart.
Breathe, breathe.

I've been in the position Tiff
is in with another chief stew,

and if you don't know
how you're going wrong,

it's difficult to fix it.

Are you all right, sweetheart?
- Yeah.

- Look, you can have
a nice drink tonight.

- So how bad was
the connection last night?

- I heard that
all we had was the audio.

I guess it, like,
was breaking up,

and, I mean,
he was obviously pissed.

- We got the second half.

Audio only.
We lost by 7.

- I'm just hoping
it's not gonna--

- I know.
- You know, it's just--

- You know,
we did everything we could.

- Yeah, we'll see
what happens.

- Go on.

- Could you start
running stuff down for me?

- Yeah, point service.

Oh, she was crying.
Oh!

- I don't want her to fail.
I want her to succeed.

I want us to be happy

and I want us
to have a nice season.

But I just don't allow myself
to lower standards

because it is the small things
that make yachting yachting.

She had a really hard time
watching the game

with the guests this morning.

- We'll have a--
Well, yeah.

- I don't have time
to fáááing babysit her.

- I know, I know, baby,

but you've got
a whole charter season

to figure it out.

- We'll go over
with them docking.

Anything you want
to mention?

- We were asked
to move into the berth

a little bit further this time.
- Okay.

- We have been asked
by the port authority

to move in a little bit

'cause there is a boat
that's closer to our bow

than when we departed,
and if there's a current coming

from the stern of the boat,
the wind dies down,

then it's gonna push us
off the dock.

So you really
have to be focused

on what you're doing to make
it happen right every time.

Whatever one
of the springs is aft-20,

is the one
we need on there

to keep us from going
into that fishing trawler.

- That's gonna
be your line, okay?

- You on the bow?

That's gonna mean you looking
over the bow saying,

"Okay, Captain.
Got 20 feet.

You got 15."
You know, that kind of a thing.

- Okay.
- 'Cause it's gonna be tight.

We're gonna snug it
right in there.

- Okay.
It's extremely important

to follow directions
when docking,

because we're throwing
this 500-ton vessel

up against a cement wall,

and if everything isn't
in the right place

at the right time,
we could smash the boat.

- A lot of variables
in a tight spot.

- And you understand the fuel
line's very important, right?

The aft running line?
'Cause it's stopping us,

if we have to,
to crashing into another boat.

So maybe one wrap,
two wraps,

and pail it out.

Okay, when we say tie off,
lock it down.

Cool?
- Okay.

- Are you gonna be confident
on that line?

- I'm comfortable tying
this entire boat up myself.

- Pumped?
- Mm-hmm.

- Excited for the challenge?
You good?

- Always, man.
- Okay.

- You don't even
got to ask.

- Yeah.
All right, my brother.

All right.

- Primary starts up.

Hauling anchor chain
whenever you're ready.

- Okay.
Copy that.

- You think we're taking off?

- They're about to start
main engines then go.

- Anchor's
in the anchor pocket.

- Copy that.
Thank you.

Here we go.
Heading for the pier.

Bryan, do you see any
approaching traffic

from our stern?

- We're all good, Captain.

- Thank you.

- Once you finally
only got the audio working,

you were like, make this, like--
- It's freeze.

- Well, it would make this
announcement and freeze.

- Making the final approach
to come in.

We've got all-new people

that have never
done this before.

I have no idea
what their capabilities are.

We've got charter guests
on board.

This has to be perfect
the first time.

It's even closer.

We're gonna be real tight
on this bow.

- Copy that.

- Okay, Bobby, what's our
distance off up there now?

- I'd say about 40 feet
and closing.

Being a firefighter, I'm used
to high-pressure situations,

but I've never
done this before.

It's nerve-racking.
- Get us within 20.

- We're coming up
on this boat.

Coming up on the dock.

We don't have brakes,

and I'm just hoping
that everything goes the way

it's supposed to go.

- Another 25 feet to go forward.

Jen, get ready to go.

- It's gonna go this way.

- How's our stern
looking now, Bryan?

- Ten feet to go.

- Inching forward.

- Let's go.
Who's catching our lines?

Give it to him.
- That way.

- Jen, stay on those lines
and keep 'em tight.

- Actually, to come forward,
we're gonna need

to slack Jen's number two.

- Copy that.

- Okay, Bob.
What's our distance now?

- Looking about ten feet.

- Okay, Bryan,
that's about as close

as we can safely get.
How are you looking?

- We're looking flush
with the dock back here.

Wrap 'em up, guys.

- Copy that.

- He's good.
He drive this boat very well.

- I've seen a lot
of boats coming in to dock,

and this guy,
he knows how to handle it.

He's a pretty fáááing
good captain, actually.

- Bowline lock off.

- We are secure on the stern.

- Okay.
Gentlemen and lady, good job.

Guests departing
in 20 minutes.

Make sure you're
in your whites, please.

- I think they're gonna
have to load me up

with some of that champagne
to get me off the boat.

- Yeah, and I was a wreck
over the Steelers game,

but I loved this trip.

It was the best trip
we've ever had.

- Pretty perfect.

Made use of almost
all of my bikinis.

- Did you clock out?

- Yeah, I'm out
of my dungeon.

- I think Hannah...

She seems like
she's a monster, though.

- Yeah.

- I'm pretty good
at reading people.

- I think I bond
with Jen really well

because we both love
being outside.

We're not girly.

We're both kind of bros.

- Excuse me,
these are not mine.

- Oh, sorry.

I've been doing
so much laundry.

I think that's--
those are Hannah's.

- Imagine walking around
in these.

I don't want to be caught
holding these.

- Are you sad
to be leaving us?

- I'm very sad.
- Yeah?

- I'm clinically depressed.
- Oh.

- I took an objective test,
and I was clinically depressed.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I can't believe the Internet
was fast enough for that.

I'm hoping that we can have
a good joke about it

and it won't seem
like such a disaster.

It's been a pleasure
having you on board, so...

- Lots of food
and lots of alcohol.

I'm actually ready to--
feels good.

- Have a little break?
- Yeah.

- Good idea.

- All crew, all crew.
Guests departing main deck, aft.

- All right, guys.
- Thank you.

- Nice meeting you.
- So glad to meet you, too.

- Yeah.
- Thanks so much.

- My pleasure.
Pleasure meeting you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- I don't even
know who won the game.

- Okay.
- Really?

Do you want to rub some salt
on the wound there, honey?

Stick with driving the boat.

- We want to thank you.

You know, Captain,
just taking us

to the most gorgeous places,

the delicious food,
the wonderful service.

You know, there were
a couple hiccups, I think.

- Coming up...

- Are you really
drinking out of a bottle?

- This is my glass.

Oh, my God.

- I'm embarrassed
to be seen with her.

- Mom...

- Trash bag daughter.

- Ohh!

- There were a couple

hiccups, I think.

- We really
appreciate the effort.

Really trying
to get that game on,

but that was a non-negotiable
for her husband,

and he was a little upset
to say the least.

- Oh, fááá.

- We do have one more request
before we go though.

- Uh-oh.

- Bobby needs to drop
and give us 20 push-ups.

- Dude, you're all over it.
Hurry up.

- Go.
- Go.

- One, two, three.

- I'll pretty much do whatever
you say for that envelope.

- Yeah!

- Thank you guys so much.
Appreciate it.

- Thank you so much.
That's awfully sweet of you.

- Good luck with everything.
- Thank you.

- Too easy.
Good job, bro.

- I'm just glad it wasn't me.

- All crew, all crew.
Tip meeting in five minutes.

- What's up?
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hey, girl.

- This charter tip
could go any way.

I don't know how the other
departments handled it.

I know there's room for
improvement in my department.

So, you know,
we could get anything.

- So here we are.

For our first charter,
you guys did quite well,

considering the challenges
that we had.

In terms of total gratuity,

that comes out to 15,000 Euros.

- Wow.

- For three days,
that's not too bad.

- That's great.
- Not at all, yeah.

- Whoo.
- Comes out to $1,388.

- I'm so relieved.

I do whatever it takes
to get that tip.

- Yeah.
That's how I like it.

- Drop and give me 20.

- Except 20 pushups.

I'm not fáááing
doing 20 pushups.

Thank you.
- Thank you.

- There you go.
- Yeah, baby.

- I don't make that in two
weeks at the fire department,

so I'm testing the waters
of the yachting industry,

and right now,
the waters are nice.

- Aww.
- You did.

- You know, it's
my third or fourth time.

- He's a quick learner.

- We will be working
the rest of the day.

We got to get
this boat turned around,

but you guys have really
earned a night off

and have some fun.

But alcohol.

Alcohol policy on the boat.

The boat is certainly
not a place to get drunk.

We don't sit around here
and party on the boat

and make a big splash
out of it.

So let's just keep it cool.

You know, we try
to preserve the boat

for the guests
and owner's use.

Okay?
- Okay.

- Great.

- I'm excited
for the night out.

- Yeah.

- So you've got a boyfriend?
- Yeah.

I've been with him
for two years.

- All right.
Is he in yachting?

- He's in banking, so yeah.

My boyfriend's called Matthew.

We've been together for
two years, and he's gorgeous.

He's got a big beard.

He's got muscles
like bloody Popeye.

He's a really sweet guy.

I've had boyfriends
and this one's a keeper.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I used to go
for a few boyfriends

in the past
a bit crazy in the head,

and I realized it just is
too much of a roller coaster.

So I've got my Stable Mabel.

You?

- No. I'm more of a go out,
meet a guy, fááá a guy,

and never see him again
kind of girl.

- I can't wait
to use this hot tub.

- I don't think
we're allowed, though.

- Oh, no.
I'm gonna enjoy it.

I'm gonna enjoy this yacht
just like the charter guests.

Whenever we get off
and we get an opportunity,

you gotta enjoy yourself.

- Jen, can you grab some
sodas for the stews?

- "Daniel,
and you and Bobby

"come to talk to me
about important things

"while, Jen, you just
stay and drool

and draw the alphabet?"

- What?

Why does that
bother you so much?

- 'Cause I like to be important.
- We're all important.

We're all part of the team.

- I've worked on and off
for seven years on boats,

and I don't like being lumped

into the same category
with Daniel.

I don't want to be
the little weak one

that's new to the industry.

Things better change fast.

I'll be polite this trip.

- This trip?

- Hey, Captain.
How you doing?

- Oh, hey.
I'm not Captain here.

- What's going on?
Give us the highlights.

- Yeah, so we've had
one charter so far.

It was really cool.

My father and I have
a great relationship.

He was the one
who taught me

how to play football
and ride a bike.

He's a mentor to me,

and he's someone
who I look up to very much.

As soon as I got here,

they promoted me
to chief officer.

- Wow.

- I got the three-stripe
epaulettes, and, uh--

- Whoo, look at you.

- I think I do get
a lot of drive

from watching my father
over the years.

You know,
he owns his own firm.

He's an architect,
and he doesn't take any sááá.

If something's wrong,
he's gonna let the person know.

Everything's going well.
- Enjoy yourself.

- All right.
Will do, Dad.

- Good.
- I love you.

- Bye. Okay.
- All right.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Let's start a bottle.
- Cheers. Ching, ching, guys.

- Cheers.
- It's about it.

It feels like two days has been,
like, a week, right?

- Or a month.
- I have no idea.

- Are you really
drinking out of a bottle?

- Don't we have wine glasses?
- This is my glass.

It's in a glass, therefore
it is a glass of wine.

- You're just, like, a paper
bag away from being a hobo.

- Times are tough
on the "Ionian Princess."

- How does your shirt
not get all wrinkled?

- My maid folds it right.

- Oh, you got a maid?

- I need an adult.

- All right,
let's go, let's go.

Let's do it.

- It's good to be
off the boat.

- I know.
- I'm gonna marry Ben.

His last name is Robinson.

So I can be Mrs. Robinson
and date younger men.

- I got you.

Because Hannah's been in
the industry for a couple years,

she knows what it looks
like to win.

I see it today, you know?

And I think she has
a mutual respect for me

as I managed my own team
in my own style

and she managed her own team
in her own style.

Let's have fun tonight,
all right?

- You're the best.

Watching a 31-year-old woman

skulling wine out a bottle,

I'm embarrassed
to be seen with her,

to be honest.

- I'm gonna throw up.
- I'm gonna throw up.

Oh, no.

- You just ripped my shirt.

- Coming up...

- Not the time and place.

- You do your managering skills
the way you want to--

- And I'll do mine.

- Have you got

a butt in the seat now?

- Two butts.

- Shall I go next to you
'cause I'm small?

- That works.

Yes, Julia.
You should sit next to me.

- And is everyone
okay with wine?

- Yeah.
- I love wine.

- Okay.

- Red on my end.

I love to drink.

- Okay, so, entrée for us is,
like, starter for them.

- Entrée and starter are
the same thing in Europe.

- That's what she's saying.
- Okay, yeah.

- Yes, exactly.

- Wait, is the entrée
the main in America?

- Entrée is main.
- Yeah.

- Yes.

- I'm really interested
in trying that, actually.

- And shrimps.
- Jen and I don't eat seafood.

- Well, don't eat it.
- Boom! Snap! I love it!

- Because my degree's
in marine biology,

I know that blue whales
ejaculate 20 liters per load.

Maybe that's why
the ocean's so salty?

- Shrimps
with grilled zucchini.

- Thank you.

- This is saganaki
with cheese.

- That's insane.
- Nice roast potatoes.

- I don't think we're gonna need
to order mains after this.

- Oh, this is delicious.

- So, Julia, what do you
got waiting back home for you?

- In terms of what?
- Like, do you have,

like, a boyfriend
or a significant other?

- Yeah.
I have a boyfriend.

Been with him for,
like, two years.

- Oh, really? You've been
with him for two years?

- Of course she has a boyfriend.
The good ones are always taken.

- No, I don't.

I've been pretty lucky
like that.

I think I want to be married
in the next six years.

- Have you got a girlfriend?
- No.

- Propose, get married,
spit out kids.

- Well, I'm pretty
spontaneous.

I just haven't really met
the right one, you know?

- Ben's a good-looking guy.

He's not my typical type,

but I think there's a lot
to be said for good chemistry.

- I would love to.

Ahh.

- There's something about Tiff
that's very easy about her.

There's no frills.

No.

I love her "I don't
give a fááá" attitude.

- Cheers.

- It's been three days.
- Cheers.

- Cheers, guys.
- Cheers.

- Mom.

- Trash bag daughter.

Ohh!

- I like my drink.
I get my party on.

I'm not a "mom."

Guys, let's go.
Come on.

- Yes, mom.
Go, go, go, go.

- Holy sháá, look how
bright the moon is.

- We are in Greece
and fireballing

and I'm stoked on that.

- Yeah.
- I love fireballs.

Whoo!

- Okay, I pick him.

- Wow.
- Yes.

- Okay.

- Can we join?
- Yeah.

- Of course you can.
- Please do.

- Hey, listen, stop.
That's too harsh.

- It's a joke, okay?

She called me a mom
and I called her a trash bag.

- I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it, I got it.

I just don't like
that term, that's all.

- Okay, how's my little
lovely third stewardess?

- Thank you.
There you go. That's better.

- She's good.
She's at the bar drinking.

- I'm gonna go grab a drink.

- Okay, big guy.
- Cheers.

- Hey.

- I feel like you don't have
any awareness, honey.

And I got up at 8:00,

and I've had no breaks
the whole charter.

I've been a chief stew
on five yachts,

and what I won't work with
is attitude.

So the fact
that Tiffany's complaining

about being tired is
really grating on my nerves.

- Hannah is the epitome
of the reason

that I hang out with boys.

I just want to get drunk
and not talk about feelings.

- I understand you might want
to work on the deck,

and that might be
your passion,

but at the same time,
you're a grown-up,

and you need to take
responsibility

for what
you've signed on for.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I don't know why Hannah's
wasting her time.

She's obviously
not gonna remember

any coaching or advice,

and frankly, she's bringing
down the mood of everyone.

- Bryan doesn't know
what's going on.

Stay in your own department.

- I'm in Greece.
I just got paid.

There's two pretty girls
at the bar,

and if it happens, it happens.
If it doesn't, it doesn't.

I just want
to have a good time.

That's all that matters.

- I'm just sorry that
on your night off to have fun

that you had to be
confronted with that.

- Fááá, I hate her.

- Are you crying?
A little bit.

- No.

- Oh, God.
So sorry.

When we go out for drinks,
it should separate work,

you know?

People need
incentive to work,

and Hannah hasn't
quite figured that out.

If you don't
give them a chance

and you initially
label them as lazy or bad

or whatever it may be,

then they are
gonna fit that mold.

You have a very
good attitude,

and I would like you
to stick for it, you know?

I would like you
to stick with it.

- I'm not quitting
anytime soon.

Not yet.

- No, I just
think you can do it.

- Thanks, Mr. Robinson.

- I think Tiffany's
really cute.

She's cool.

Like, yeah, she's weird
but she's smart,

and I like that.

I'm weird.
Sometimes smart.

Fááá it, let's do some shots.

- No way.
You'll be carrying me home.

- That's fine.
You're about 90 pounds.

I could sling you
over my shoulder,

and I wouldn't even notice.

- Hey.
- Are you upset with me?

- Yeah.
- Why?

- Me and Tiffany have had issues
the past few days.

- Yeah.

- And we needed
to have that chat.

- Hannah.
- Yeah?

- But this is not the best time
to do constructive criticism.

This is a time
for us to let loose.

- Oh, really?

- Yes.
- Yeah? Yeah?

Have you been dealing with her
for three days straight?

- No, I haven't.
- Okay, exactly.

Your department
is the deck.

- Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay. Back it up.

I think Hannah's
forgetting the hierarchy,

because I am
the first officer.

The whole entire boat's
my department,

and on my boat I want as least
amount of drama as possible.

- Oh, I feel like vomiting.

- All right,
let's go, guys.

- The truth comes out
when everyone's drunk.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sometimes it's easier
to talk to people

when they're a little bit
more relaxed.

- She's absolutely
sháá-faced.

- Of course,
I understand this.

- How are you
gonna try to--

- But at least
it breaks the barriers.

- No matter
what you tell her,

do you think
she's gonna remember it?

- My job as the chief stew
is to have

a nice fáááing conversation,
so fááá off.

- Here and now
is not the place.

- Guys--
- Are you kidding me?

I don't know who
the fááá he thinks he is.

He's not gonna get away
with speaking to me like that.

- Let's go, guys.
- Come on.

Let's go. Just stop.
- Hey, hey, hey.

- Can we back
to the boat please?

- Trying to give you
my honest opinion.

Can you respect that?
- Be the bigger man.

- You do your managering skills
the way you like to do it...

- And I'll do mine.
- And she does hers.

- Next time on
Mediterranean"...

- Have you ever been
on a yacht?

- You can't take girls
to the boat.

- You have five minutes!

- They have to go home.

- Have you ever heard

of a restaurant
called The Tilted Kilt?

- Yes, sir.
- What food is that?

- We don't
lower our standards.

We're just simplifying.

- They chartered this yacht
to do a photo shoot.

- Can we have him oiling
her shoulders?

- Yes.
- I'll take the oil.

- There you go.

- No fraternizing
with the models.

- Of course.
- I like your vibe.

- That's beyond inappropriate.
- I'm gonna kiss you.

- It's just completely
unacceptable.

- Just fáááed it up.

I'm sorry.
I'm usually strong.

- For more information
Mediterranean,"