Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - It's All Greek to Me - full transcript

- I'm on top of the world!

- The Med is definitely
the hub of yachting.

- It's so exotic,
and the water is beautiful.

- The Med is
the playground for the rich

and the place that
"it" people want to be seen.

- We have Mykonos to the north,

Santorini to the south.

Ready to go now.
- Go, go, go, go.

- Every time we drop anchor,
it'll be someplace

different for them.

- Oh, lock it down,
lock it down.



My ideal deckhand
is the yes-man.

- We have to win together,
we have to lose together.

Work hard, play harder.

- That's the name
of the game, Bobby.

And I'm just ready to win.

- Cheers.

- On boats,
everyone thinks their role

is the most important.

But obviously,
it's the chief stews.

It's very cute, guys.

When we're on charter,
it's perfect, or it's nothing.

Off charter, I can shake my
booty with the best of them.

- Hey, Jen.
- Oh!

- A mangin--



I have a reputation
as a playboy.

I'm 6'5, I've got
a little bit of muscle,

so a lot of people
don't know that I'm a nerd.

What the--

- I like "Star Trek"
and "Star Wars" and '80s music.

♪ Bobby's got the bass
to the bass to the bass ♪

♪ To make it ♪

- Where are you from, Tiffany?
- Uh, Jupiter, Florida.

People are shocked
that I'm a scientist,

especially since
I'm in yachting

and not really
using my degree.

But then I can teach them how
much blue whales ejaculate.

- Whoo!

- Every since I got
into the industry,

I've been kicking some butt.

I've actually worked on
Marc Anthony's boat.

- Thank you.

- I'm just offering
five-star service.

What the guests want,
they receive.

- He has got way more game
than you do!

- I'm the charter king, baby!

Boom shakalaka!

- I want to hear your best
American accent.

My last name is
Julia d'Albert Pusey,

but people like to
pronounce it...

I'm English,
but I am not reserved.

I mean, it's not like I'm

a little flower wall,
you know?

Wallflower?
Or is it flower wall?

A wallflower--I'm not that.

- What do you girls
talk about in your room?

You get those
girly conversations?

- We just have sex.
- Oh, damn.

- Being a female deckhand,

they tend to not give you
the hard responsibilities.

- Jen, you got it?
- I got it.

With complete confidence, I say
that I'm the most experienced.

You can't compare me
to the other guys on deck.

- This is Ben.
He is the man.

- Cheers, everyone.

Having trained in Europe
and chartering

in the Mediterranean,
the guests are a little more

demanding than
in the Caribbean.

And it's less of
a dog and pony show.

Can you stop using
the word "entree"?

- Well, we're in
Europe, okay?

- Don't use the word
"entree" ever again.

Being on a yacht is
a volatile social climate.

- Is something burning?
- Holy sháá.

- Danny's unconscious
on the out deck.

EMT's coming to examine him.

- Okay, copy that.
Bobby, you're here.

- It's just crazy.

I've never seen
anything like it.

- How's it going?
- Very well, Mark Howard.

- Lovely to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, as well.

- I am thoroughly
excited to be here.

I feel much more at home here.

I trained in Italy,

which is very similar
to what we're getting

here in Greece.

Oh, this is all right.

Since Motor Yacht "EROS,"
I have continued to cook,

do catered events,
and I think the older you get,

the more knowledgeable
you become.

So in just have
so much more to give.

- We'll get, uh, chief stew
down here to say hi.

And I expect her
at any time.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Very well, how are you?

- Good, I'm Hannah.
- I'm Ben, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- How's it going?

You're the chief stew?

- I am.
- Very cool.

Where have you
just come from?

- I've come from
south of France.

The Mediterranean is a really
familiar place for me.

I've worked here
for five years.

I've been all over Corsica,
Sardinia, the Amalfi Coast.

It's really sad, actually,

'cause I'm at anchor
in Corsica or something,

and I sit there going like,

"Ugh, fáááing Corsica again.
Really?"

- You speak French yet?

Not very well.
- Yeah.

It does help to have
pretty girls in the galley.

Bit of eye candy
walking around, you know?

- Is the Captain on board?

- I think he was the Captain.
- Yeah?

- I'm just kidding.
Yeah, he is.

- Nice to meet you.
I'm Mark Howard.

- Nice to meet you, too.
- Welcome aboard.

- Thank you very much.
Good to be aboard.

- So we do have our charter
starting tomorrow around noon.

- Really?

To set up a boat with
a brand-new crew

and then pick up
charter guests

in a day--
it's just unheard of.

- You girls are gonna be
very busy today.

- Okay.
- There's not a lot on the boat.

There's provisioning
to be done.

- Okay.

- But you seem perfectly capable
to just jump right into it.

- Great.

You should have at least a month
before the guests are coming.

Like, are you
fáááing kidding me?

I'm gonna go
and have a quick look around.

- Okay, please do.

- Hello?
Anyone?

- Oh, my God.

Whoa.

- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, how are you?

- Bryan.
- And what position are you?

- Boatswain.
- Very cool.

- How old is this boat?
My God.

Look at this.
- Maybe, like, 100 years old?

- Yeah, right?

When I first started yachting,
I didn't know

a porthole from a poop deck.

I've worked my way up,
'cause I've worked hard.

And I've gotten
the respect of my superiors.

And five years later,
I'm actually captaining

day charters on
60-foot yachts.

- Pleasure meeting you.
- Yeah, likewise, man.

- Yeah.
- Let's have fun, huh?

- Are you my chief stew?
- I'm your chief stew.

- Yeah!
Hi.

- Okay, what do you
want me to do?

Is this clean or do--no.
- No, strip.

- Right, okay.

- This is one Greek boat.

It's, honest to God,
one of the most hideous boats

I've ever worked on.

I was trained on the best
yachts in the Mediterranean,

but you got to work
with what you've got.

So we'll do our best,

and hopefully the guests
will be happy.

- I don't want to be rude,
but it's a little bit gaudy.

- It's really gaudy.
Oh, you just wait.

- It's like
Liberace's gone mad

and vomited all over the boat.

- Look at the vomiting swan.
- Oh, my.

It's bad.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm a little bit speechless,
if we're honest.

- All right, fááá.
Let's do this.

- Captain.
- Well, hello!

- How you doing?
- Very well.

You must be Bryan.
- I'm Bryan.

Bryan Kattenburg.
- Nice to meet you.

I've been a yacht captain
for almost 30 years.

I've chartered boats
across the south Pacific

and all over the Med
and all over the Caribbean.

Even though the
responsibilities are immense,

and sometimes it gets
a little stressful,

I really do love the job.

We've got a Greek boatswain,
who speaks English.

But there's just not enough
direct communication

between the boatswain
and me.

And I've been
looking through your CV,

and I see you've got 100 ton
U.S. Coast Guard license.

- Yes, sir.

- What I'd like to do
is offer you

the Chief Mate's
position on the boat.

- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.

- This would be
a probationary period.

We do have our charter starting
tomorrow around noon.

So we've got a lot of
work to do.

Somebody's not doing their job
the way that it should be done,

then I'm gonna come to you.
- Absolutely.

I'm happy to accept
the challenge.

This is my first time
managing a team this big

on this caliber of a yacht.

And I want the Captain
to know 100%

that I can be
his guy to go to.

To me,
losing's not an option.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you very much.

- Aha.

Mm.

- And we haven't got the other
Stew on yet, have we?

- No.

- Hi! Tiffany.
- Hannah, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Julia.

- Tiffany.
- Lovely to meet you.

- There's so much to do,
so we're just trying to--

- Get a game plan?
- Yeah.

I love having great
relationships

with my stewardesses.

I've been told
that I'm very...

patronizing in my tone.

They kind of
say to me, like,

"Don't talk to me
like I'm an idiot."

I'm like, "Well, then,
don't be a fáááing idiot

and I won't talk to you like
that," so...

it's really simple.

- Holy cow.

This is a lot bigger
than my other boat.

I've been in the industry now
for about six months.

I sold everything that I owned,
bought a Greyhound bus ticket,

and I moved down
to Fort Lauderdale

to get on yachts,
and my goal was

to travel the world
while getting paid for it.

And I'm doing it, man.

- Crew mess.
Laundry.

We're gonna need to, like,
attack your cabin with Febreze.

It stinks.
- Okay, this is awesome, man.

- Bobby's definitely
my type.

- Do I need to get my polo
and shorts or anything?

- Uh, uniform hasn't arrived.

Seriously,
it's getting hot in here.

- Thanks a lot.
- My pleasure.

- Holy crap,
you're my roommate, man.

- Oh, hell yeah!
That's right.

That's what I'm talking about.
- All right.

- Cool, man.

Dang, you're one
big guy, man.

You take up
the whole room.

- For the last, uh,
about ten years,

I've been a firefighter
in central Florida.

When I was a kid,
I saw "Ghostbusters,"

as I got older, I joked,
"I'm gonna be a fireman

so I can pretend
I'm a Ghostbuster."

Now I work for
the fire department,

so who you gonna call?

911?

- I feel like I got to
wait in line

just to go to my room.

- Uniforms are here.
- Oh, uniforms are here.

- Uniforms!
- Thanks.

- Do you like the top bunk,
or do you have a preference?

- I think so, yeah.
- Okay, cool.

- Guys, we got
a meeting right now.

- All right, cool.
- When's the meeting?

Where is it?
- I don't know.

Just follow us, I guess.

- Hi, everyone.

Um, we're going to introduce,
um, three of our most

valuable crew members.

They are all Greek seamen.

This is Costas,
our Chief Engineer.

Yannas,
our Second Officer,

and Niko,
one of our deckhands.

This is a
brand-new crew for me.

So I'm gonna be
extremely hands-on,

especially right up front.

There is no room for error.

People are paying big money
to be on this yacht.

First thing we're really
gonna need to do,

because we all are
so new with each other,

is make sure that we've got
great communications

with each other.

If we think that we've got
guests the next deck up,

and all of a sudden, one of the
guys takes off

and the tender, oh, we've
got to run back top the--

because somebody,
uh--we could, we forgot--

um, let's make them
feel--they're making us

feel at home,
let's make them feel at home.

- Captain Mark is...
he's a little odd.

You know?
Like, that would be fair.

But all captains are strange.

A life at sea
will do that to you.

I don't know.

I don't want to be
rude about it.

- Good enough?

- All right.
- Enough said?

Okay.
- Perfect.

- Get back to work.

- Hey, guys,
we've got provisions here.

If anyone want to come out
and help me,

I'll start loading it
on the boat.

- Copy that, Danny.
- We got some cigars.

- Toothpaste, too.
- Is that peanut butter?

- That's enough for a couple
of charters, surely.

- Oh, my God.

This doesn't look
overwhelming at all.

Oh, guys, I'm so sorry,
we're really

busy at the moment.

And if you could just go
as fast as you possibly can.

- We'll do this right now,
Hannah.

Can you immediately
get those wines

into the closet
right over here?

The exterior of the yacht
is in much better shape

than the interior,
and at the end of the day,

the "Ionian Princess" crew
is one big team.

And if Hannah and the girls
need help on the inside,

we're there for them.

- It's like ground beef.
- Eggplant.

It's a little oily.

- Gross.
- I'm done.

- I don't want
any of that.

- You're gonna see it
every time you walk by it now.

- I-I just can't even believe
you'd have that on a boat.

- All I see is dick.

- All right, guys.

Let's just have
a quick deck meeting.

How long have you
worked on yachts?

- On and off for seven years.
- Oh, wow.

Well, that's longer than all of
us combined, probably.

- I consider myself
an overachiever

without the discipline.

I tried out med school for a
year and it's too suffocating,

so I went into yachting
because I love boats,

I love being on the water,

and I look good in khakis.

- You know, I'm the guy
that you guys

are gonna be
taking orders from.

If I give a order,
just follow it, you know?

Don't sit there
and give me a bad look,

just--let's just
get after it, you know?

I mean, I don't
want to be a dick,

and, uh...
that's it.

- All right.
- Sounds good, let's do it.

- All stews, all stews,
stop down and meet me

super quickly on the bridge deck
aft, please.

Okay.

So I wasn't sure about
your experience

and your background.

- So I've done three seasons.

Full-on charters back-to-back,
so I'm kind of used to that.

- I'm not super
detail oriented.

Um...

I just got off a boat--I was on
there for a year as deck stew.

I did have to
play stew a few times.

I went to
Florida Atlantic University

and I have a degree
in marine biology.

I was working on a dredge boat
for 35 days straight.

I was in three
different winter storms,

and I had enough.

I've been yachting for about
a year and a half now.

I really want to become
a Captain one day.

And I just think it's really
important to know

the ins and outs
of every department.

So if that means I have
to be a third stew,

then that's what I'll do.

- Do you enjoy
the deck work more, or...?

- Oh, absolutely.
- Yeah? Okay.

- I need my vitamin D.
- Well, now you're inside, so...

We have less than 24 hours to
get a 50-meter yacht

ready for charter,
and we just don't have time

for somebody who doesn't
want to be here.

Why would you accept a position
that you don't want?

I'm really direct
and I can't handle

the rolling of the eyes,
slamming doors attitude.

You're gonna go to bed
eight hours before you get up.

- Okay.
- My thing,

which I've always had
on boats, is hair up.

I wash the towels on 90 degrees.
- I love this!

I feel like I'm in good hands.

- Back to work.
We have so much to do.

- Hmm.

- All right,
put us to work.

- Um, okay.
do you mind doing stew stuff?

- I can do anything,
it's fine.

- Okay, start in the guest
cabins doing like a dust/vac.

- Usually, I wouldn't be
thrilled about dusting

or doing the interior,
but since Hannah is so cute,

I will do anything she says.

- Okay, so let's do this.

This is veggies.

Try and do this--
just like deli down there.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yup.

- How's your dusting skills
coming along?

- Well...

- It's hardly being
on deck, is it?

So where are you from?

- I'm from New York.
Where are you from?

- Leeds.
U.K.

For the last two years,

I've had my own fashion label.

I've shown in Paris twice,
I've got it selling in shops.

But the problem is,
the money wasn't coming in

as fast as I'd like it.

So working on the yacht's
just a great opportunity

to put some money
back in your pocket

and do the passion
that you want.

So on deck,
there's you...

Bobby.
- Big Boggy, yeah.

- "Big Bob."
- Little Daniel.

- "Little"--Pocket Rocket,
we've named him.

"Pocket Rocket"?

- In America, pocket rocket is,
like a vibrator for girls.

- Oh, no, no, no, we don't--
we're not meaning this.

I've heard of the
vamping rabbit or something,

but not the pocket rocket.

And I'm like,
"Well, how do you know?"

I'm like, "Oh."

- Do you have
a boyfriend back home?

- Yeah, I do.

I've been with him
for two years.

- So you're not tempted
by any of the guys here?

- No, not really my type.

And you? When you're not
working with the boys?

- I don't like boys.
- You don't--oh!

Okay, I get it.

Any nice girls on board?

- To be honest,
all of you.

- Oh, really?

Hannah looks identical to

Jennifer Lawrence
from "The Hunger Games"

except with giant boobs
and a bigger ass.

If anyone is gonna hook up,
I would hook up with her.

So the guys have, like,
no chance.

Half of us are gay or taken.

- It's one thing
after the other, man.

- That's what happens
why you arrive on a boat

a day before a charter.

- Yeah, right?

- I don't know if there's
anymore room in the bilge.

- Hannah, Hannah, Tiff.
- Go ahead.

- Did you want
any of these flowers

in the guest cabins?

- Absolutely fine by me.

- Have you, um, done the floors
in the bathroom?

- Just go ahead, then, with
a cloth and, um, alcohol spray.

Super quickly.

I was a high school dropout
and I was told

by a lot of people
that I wasn't ever gonna

amount to anything,
so my first season on a yacht,

I worked my ass off and got
my first chief stew job

at the start of
my second season.

- Just needs downstairs,
not the rest?

- The whole boat needs, like,
the vacuum and wipe, so...

It's because of this,
I have really high standards

and really high expectations of
both myself and my girls.

Fááá.

- Hannah, Ben, and Bryan,
could you please

come up to the bridge?

- Copy that.

- Ugh. Pretty tight
in here, isn't it?

- Oh, what a gentleman.
- I have my moments.

- Our primary is
Christine Bullock.

- Holy smokes.

- All right.
- Is she real?

Is that, liken
a real person?

- Along with her husband,
and then two other

married couples.

Christine is
a health-conscious person

that just launched
a skincare product line.

- All of them, it's like,

"See Christine Bullock's
preferences."

- Whatever Christine wants
to eat is fine with us.

- It's a little cult.

- We're here to please
the "primary,"

which is Christine.

You're on our boat.

We are gonna make this
your dream vacation.

And I will cook for
24 hours straight

until you are happy.

- Special dessert that
incorporates the ingredients

of their organic
skincare line.

- What are they--
what does that mean?

You gonna throw it
in there, or--

- No, you just cook
the flavors in.

Like, here
and there.

You know?
- Oh.

- They don't want it to be
made out of, like, lotion.

- So it's not like
squeezing

bottles of
face solution in there?

- That's why I'm on deck.
- We're glad you're here.

- Yeah, yeah,
it's good thing I'm here.

- They are big Steelers fans
from what we understand,

so they watch a three-hour
football game

starting at 3:00 a.m.

- They must really
love football.

- Their one big request is
a Steelers game.

But if I can manage
to find ten hookers

for my bosses
on other yachts,

then I can probably manage

to stream a game.

Cool.
- Sweet.

- Okay, thank you, guys.

- Cheers.
- Thanks, Captain.

- Oh, sááá.

This thing,
not even high enough.

Or stay.

- Well, your head
is on the ceiling.

- I'm gonna have
a whisk.

Are you?
- No.

- Yeah, I'm just like,
"Yeah, yeah."

- It's good to be
that quick at work.

- I'm with you.

- Fááá.

- So I'm lucky
I've got, um, Julia.

She's really strong and--
- Yeah, it'll be fine.

- It's only the
beginning of the season,

but I think me and Ben are gonna
have a great relationship.

We already have
good chemistry.

And having Ben
in my face all day,

that's not such a bad thing.

- Well, that helps.

- Do you like the colors
for these bed sheets?

- Yes.
So nautical.

- This is just
absolute fáááing mayhem.

- We got 20 minutes, yeah?

- Correct.
Exactly 20 minutes.

- Okay.
- Flight epaulets.

No ties, black pants.
- Okay.

- All right, last one.
- There you go.

- Yay!
- Good job!

- I love this.
This is great.

You've done a miraculous job
in less than 24 hours.

Okay, go get changed.

- This is so big!

- Bring it up to the galley
and I'll cut it in half.

- Bobby, do I have to
tuck these in?

- Uh, I believe so.

- All crew, guests will be
arriving in five minutes.

- Do you mind if we
open it real quick?

- Yeah.

- I try and hide
my emotions, but

I'm pretty scared right now.

Like, putting all these
people together

and having guests on
24 hours later--it's insane!

- The charter guests
are coming, guys.

- And that's why I love it,
'cause I'm insane.

- It's gorgeous, guys!
Look at it.

- I can't wait
to get on that boat.

- Okay, here we go.

- It was one of our
non-negotiables for this,

was to have it on.

- Excuse me.
It's an American football game.

- We're not gonna
be able to stream it.

- Sháá

- And here we go.
- Ah, this is exciting.

- Are you guys
ready for this?

- Only one way to find out.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Hi, I'm Mark, your Captain.
- Christine, nice to meet you.

- This is Bryan,
our Chief Officer.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.

- Hannah, Chief Stew.
- Bob, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
Mark Howard.

- Hi, guys, why don't you grab
yourself a champagne, as well?

- Thank you,
I definitely will.

- We'd like to welcome you
aboard the "Ionian Princess."

Hannah's gonna give
you a little bit

of an introduction
to the yacht.

And we'll get you
taken care of.

- Hi, guys, I'm gonna take you
on a little tour

around the boat
and show you what you've

got planned for
the next few days.

In my five years of yachting,
I haven't had any

bad feedback from my guests.

I do everything
in my power to make sure

that their experience is as good
as it possibly can be.

And this is the main saloon.
- This is beautiful.

- This is, like,
the formal living room

that nobody ever uses
and everybody stays in the den.

- This is the upper saloon.

- I see the men snoring here.

- Yeah, this is where
I'll watch the football game.

- We have
the master suite here.

- Oh, this is
beautiful in here.

- Oh, good.

You've got two bathrooms there,
which is nice.

- I love this marble.

It matches our
skincare brand.

- Perfect!
- Yeah.

- Bryan, Bryan.
We are good to go.

Unfurl the gateway.
- Copy that.

Uh, no.
Okay, out of the way.

Bobby, get down there,
buddy.

- Jen's the first female
I've ever worked with

on the exterior.

Guys, you can kind of
yell, swear,

punch them in the arm
and move on.

But with a girl,
it's gonna be different,

so this is gonna
be a challenge for me.

- Once everybody's in
position, let me know.

- One's in position.

- Standing by at three.

- Let's do this.

- Okay, Captain,
on your call.

- One and four are first.

Okay, go ahead and drop them.
Let's go.

- Okay,
your stern lines are clear.

- Slack that off.

- Number one,
all the way forward.

- Go ahead so you can
get that off.

- Give him slack.
- Three is clear.

- Okay, Cap, all lines are
free, all lines are free.

Okay, the dock is mid-ship.

Good,
wide open back here.

Good job, guys.

- Wow, it's, like,
90 degrees in here.

- Stew face!

- Well, I'll help you
with the dishes,

and if you want me to fold
anything, I got you.

- Um, yeah, I need those
rags--or, these rags.

- I was just being polite!

I didn't think
you'd take my offer.

- Jen, how are the guests?

- Half of them are hot,
half of them are guys.

I should sub in for you
and you can go outside.

- Yes! Oh, my God,
that would be amazing.

Can we?

- That's only something I would
do for someone I was dating.

- Aw!
- I'm sorry.

- I'll go gay for you.

I'll go gay to be outside.

- Okay, so for this guy,

I think I'm just gonna
feed it to you.

- Okay, then, uh--

- How's it coming
in there to you?

- It's looking pretty, man.
- Okay.

- You're single, right?
- Yup, hell yeah.

- What do you think about the
girl situation on the boat?

- Fáááing fantastic.
- Yeah, I know.

I like Julia.

She's got that, like--
I call her a unicorn.

That brunette
and blue eye combination?

- Oh, yeah.
- Dude, that's a hard find, man.

- She's such a babe.
And the accent?

I mean, even if
she got mad at you

and yelled at you,
you'd be like...

- I know, right?
- "You're just adorable."

My last girlfriend, we dated
for about three years.

I was gonna
ask her to marry me.

We had a bad breakup.

And being in a small town,

I was constantly
reminded of her.

And I needed to get away.

It really makes the day
go by quicker

when, uh, you got a
cute face to stare at.

I've worked on boats
with some heifers.

- Really?

- It sucks.

- Oh, guys,
it's gorgeous.

Hi, Ben!
- How are you?

- Good, how are you doing?
- Good, thank you.

- You're my main man.

- I got that, and I was
impressed with your, um...

- I'm an integrative
nutritionist.

And I happen to know that
in this district,

you're gonna be okay
with the gluten.

So, I mean, if you just
want to roll with it,

or I can just
keep to your plan.

- Okay.

- It's part of my job to
challenge my clients' palates,

because it's an amazing
experience trying new things.

I just hope these guys
feel the same way.

You're safe--I make
everything from scratch, so...

- Thank you.
- Cheers, guys.

Thank you.

- Okay, Captain,
we're all up.

Ready on the port anchor,
let us know when you're ready

for us to drop.

- Go ahead
and let it run free.

- Dropping anchor.
You guys feeling it?

- Yup.
- All right, here we go.

Somebody need to kick it?
- Yeah.

- If you're asking,
it'll be obvious.

- Yeah, give it a kick.

- Come on,
strong man, go nuts.

Oh!

- Chain's looking good.
Looking tight and holding.

- Oh, that was awesome.
That makes your butt sting, man.

- That girl is fine.

She is hot!
And fit.

So fit.

- Hey, guys, can we just
have one person down

on the swing platform,
just to look after the guests?

Hand 'em towels
if they come up?

- Whoo!

Fááá.

- Oh, that looks delicious.

- So this is blueberry,

basil, lemon juice,

and vodka.

- Yeah!

Mmm.

- Bobby, Jen,
we got another jet ski

coming overboard right now.

Bobby, you down there,
ready to go?

- Yup, I'm down here.

- Anybody been on
the WaveRunners yet?

- Not yet,
they're about--yeah.

- Tomorrow we've got
reservations

for lunch and all that.

- Oh, my God.

Fááá.

- All right?
- Nice.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- How are you doing?
- Good.

- Have you ever streamed any
football matches on this boat?

- No, I haven't.

I've seen some U.S. volleyball
games and stuff on it.

- After the hideous day
yesterday with our

provisioning,
I thought streaming the game

would be the easy part.

Let me have a look to see if we
could possibly get it on the TV.

- Good luck.

- Tennis, sailing, cycling,
swimming, motor sports, boxing.

Come on.
This is bullsááá.

Trying to facilitate
a football game on a yacht

is gonna be very interesting.

We're not on land,

we're not attached
to cables,

but guests just
don't understand.

Fááá.

- You've got, like,
short-shorts on,

he's got granddad shorts on.

- How are these shorts
supposed to be?

How do they do it?

Are they supposed to
be like this?

- Ew!
- I got to shift that.

- I don't like that!

Please.

- Look at your ass.

Can you walk?

- You can see your balls.
Put them away.

- Hello.

- I did.
- Oh, you did?

- It's what I've been doing.

- Oh, any luck?
No!

It was one of our
non-negotiables for this,

was to have it on.

- I know exactly
what he's saying.

Our tip's at risk

unless the game is aired.

- Go, go, go, go, go.

Come on!

Hello.
- Hi.

- Oops. Oh, no.
Get the brandy!

- Do you mind if
I have your menu for tonight?

- I don't mind at all.

Saganaki.

- What's saganaki?

- Oh, I'm glad you asked.

It's basically lightly-battered
and fried Greek cheese.

I've never done it before,

and it involves
quite a high flamee.

- Degree of risk?
- Yeah.

It's quite a high-risk dish.

- So it's either
going to go really well,

or you're gonna set
the charter guests on fire.

- Pretty much, yeah, yeah.
It could really--yeah.

- I have faith in you.
And then main is moussaka?

- Yeah.

Moussaka's a wicked dish.

It's very Greek.

Ground lamb, browned eggplant,
cinnamon, and tomato,

and mozzarella.

I might actually need your help.

- You're a sous chef.
- There you go.

- Oh, this is a DVI plug.

Digital video intercourse--
or interface.

To be able to watch
a US football game

in the middle of the Med,

where we have no way of
actually doing that,

we're concerned.

- Well, it did say
HDMI auxiliary on the TV.

Do you have a computer, Bobby,
with an HDMI cable?

- No, I just have my iPad.

- Your table looks awesome,
babe.

- Does it look all right?
Good.

- Yeah, it looks great.

- All right, Bobby.

I wanted to do some docking
with you.

- Cool, man.
- You ready to try?

- Yeah.
- So, like, come in with

some speed,
and then you hit reverse.

Try to get as close as you can,
and I'll let you know.

I want my team to know
as much as I do.

By doing that,
it's gonna make my job easier

because we're just gonna
flow better as a machine.

If you go a little faster,
come in at a steeper angle.

- Okay.
- Do it again.

- As the most experienced
deckhand,

I definitely see myself
not being favored.

It's a little sexist,

and I see where this is going
real fast.

- Boom.
- Boom, that was perfect.

- Pick your side, TJR?
- It's cooler down here.

- How are you doing, Munchkin?
- Good.

- You staying out of trouble?
- No.

- Good.
That's what I like about you.

♪ I need a beverage ♪

♪ For my glass is empty ♪

- I'm gonna drink 31, which is
gonna be the score of the game.

- I'd be okay with that--
have a shootout like that.

- That would be a good game.
That would be.

- What do we have for
the first course today?

- We have like a local cheese
fried in Brandy.

- Wow.
- Do you drive?

- Got a 1964 Vespa.

- Huh, that's too cool.
- Get in and run.

- Sorry, did you guys copy that?

- I'm gonna get a Vespa.
- And Hannah?

- I bet you look pretty cool
on that, then.

- I love it.
- Are you not hearing this?

- Sorry, it keeps--
I've got it, go on.

- Where's his radio?

- We've got--what do you want?

- Ben, have you got a radio yet?

- Yeah, I do,
I just can't hear it.

- All guests are seated.
- Oh, they're seated?

- Yeah, gonna do
water, wine, bread.

I'll stretch it out
a little bit.

- Have I got a problem
with this?

- You were talking a bit,
so I was, like, distracted.

- All right, here we go.

This cheese has got
an amazing aroma.

All right, let's do it quickly.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Come on.

- Oh!
- Hey, guys, here we go.

- Yeah!
- Hello.

- All right.
- Oop--oh, no.

Get the Brandy.

All right, move, move.

Move.

- Yeah!

- Oh!
- Oh, my God.

- Here we go.
- Awesome.

I'm glad you're
getting your fitness in.

Hell yeah.

I was legging it, that's why.

- Bon appetito.

- Oh, man, it's all soft.
- It's, like, fancy.

- It's what?
- Oh, wow.

- This is so good.

I have a degree in
marine biology.

Like, I don't want to clean up
toilets and semen for a living.

I'd rather be outside
cleaning up bird sháá.

At least it's biological.

Yay.

- You guys are the morning crew
right here.

I want you up at 6:00.

- 6:00?
- Yeah.

I'm getting up at 8:00.

Do you have the list
from yesterday?

- No, but I don't need it.
I got it.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

- Hit the deck, too.

Look for those salt spots.

- Hey, man, I got you, brother.

- Go to bed, guys.
- Good talk.

- Success?

- Success.
And this is moussaka?

- Correct.
Let's just truck 'em out,

two at a time, please, girls.

- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Wow, look at that.

- What is this?

- For the main course,
you have moussaka.

- Which is?

- It's like a Greek--

a traditional Greek dish.

It's like, ground beef,
grilled vegetables...baked.

Think it's got a cheese on top,
if I recall correctly.

- Yeah.

- Oh, that's an eggplant.

- All right, good night.
- How you doing?

- Good, going to bed.
- Are you going to bed?

- Good night.

- You don't fáááing
tell your Chief Stew

that you're off to bed.

- I know you like
eggplant and beef.

- It's all oily.

Eggplant and grease.

Gross.
- I am done.

I don't want any of that.

- Okay, sure,
it's a very heavy dish.

Are you done, as well?
- I am.

- Just so far.
- I want some raw veggies.

I feel--I feel heavy.

- Wait, what?

- What's happening?

They don't like it, or what?

- No, they said it's very heavy.

- I like to eat lean, as well.
When I'm in Greece,

I don't care if I have to run
an extra half-mile, one day.

I want moussaka in Greece.

That's what I like.

- So they were like,
"Oh, so, what is this?"

And I was like,
"Oh, it's grilled vegetables,

"beef,
with some cheese on top.

Sure, let's go with that."

- I'm the best part of
this side of Greece.

- Yay.

- Where do you want me to put
the finished stuff?

- Okay, on that tray there.

- This tray?
- Okay,

let's just get
the explanations right,

okay, a little bit.

You say,
"Oh, it's vegetables and beef,

looks like
there's cheese on top,"

they're not--you're not
selling it,

'cause they're like,
"Well, what the fááá is it?"

It's eggplant and lamb.

If you tell them
it's vegetables and beef,

and it's white in a bowl,

I'm not gonna want that, either.

- Do you mind, maybe,
we can, like,

have a bit more structure
around that?

- We can drop it,
but that's something

we could improve on.
Both of us.

All right?
I can improve on your--

on tuition, and you can
improve on, I guess, learning.

- It seems that Ben has
a real issue

with taking any responsibility

for something
that he's done wrong.

I know I wasn't in the wrong.

Fáááing hell.

- It's a little ridiculous.

- Where you been, girl?

You were supposed to be
on deck at 6:00.

- No one's gonna
find out about this,

'cause if they do,
there'll be hell to pay.

- Jen,
were you up on deck at 6:00?

- Captain?

- Hey, Bryan.

I just wanted to go over
what we're doing tomorrow.

- I'll get your dessert ready,
okay?

- Thank you.

- These guests would like me to

incorporate the skin care line
into their dessert.

All right,
I need an ice cream bowl-a.

So we're always gonna
cross obstacles.

But you can always make amends.

That is the great part
of chartering.

You ready for this, big guy?

- Ready, let's do it.
- All right.

- Now,
I need to go up and explain it.

- Thank you.
- Hello, guys.

- Hey!
- How are you?

- Tell us what you put in here.

- I wanted to incorporate the
flavors of your skin care line,

and right here we have
a green tea panna cotta,

coconut caramel,
and coffee ice cream.

- Hey, Ben, thank you so much.

- Oh, well thank you.
- Yeah, thank you, guys.

Yeah, you know,
I couldn't have done it

without Hannah...or Julia.
- Yeah!

- All right, cheers.

- I like the panna cotta.
It's awesome.

- Just a little bit more water.
- Green tea's good.

- Oh, my God,
this is fáááing fantastic.

- Yeah, this is amazing.
- Mmm.

- How'd you sleep?
All right?

No.
Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- I've been sleeping really
well; I hate to say it.

- Come on, Jen.
Where you at, girl?

Supposed to be on deck at 6:00.

- Want a coffee, love?
What do you want?

Almond milk latte?
- Yeah.

- Good.

I've been stuck
in the laundry room,

so I have no idea where
anything is.

Oh, I think this is it.

- You sure?

- Do you want me to pour this
in there with that?

Or on top?

- Uh, I worked at Panera.
- Oh, okay.

- In my household,
I am the father figure,

and my sisters are the one
that look up to me.

My demeanor when I work
on boats

is to work really hard
for my mates

to show 'em that my work ethic
is really good.

- Oh, áááá.

- Ugh.

Dude, where have you been, girl?

It's like 6:40.

You're supposed to be on deck
at 6:00,

and we have a whole list to do

that we got to get done before
Bryan gets up.

- I think it's ungodly
that I was chosen

to wake up at 6:00 a.m.

If the task is completed,
it's completed;

it doesn't matter what time
I'm going to the bathroom

or where I am.

Are you going to say anything?

- For being late?

He's gonna ask me why most of
the stuff didn't get done.

- I guarantee you he's not.

- I won't bring it up.

I'm not here to be lying
to people.

Look, if you make a mistake,

just own up to it.

If he doesn't ask--
- He won't.

- I won't bring it up.

- No one's going to find out
about this.

If they do, there'll
be hell to pay.

- Morning. Good morning.

Um, cushions are on.

What else did you guys do?

- Did the cushions.

I brought the boat line
to the front,

and then she's doing
the sea spots and--

- Did you guys hit all
this already?

- No, I've been upstairs doing
the cushions and everything.

- Um...

When I was a deckhand,

when my superior told me
to do something,

I did it as fast as I could
and as well as I could.

It's challenging for me
to have to manage a team

that lacks the ambition
and drive that I have.

When you get a chance,
let's crack on the radios.

- All right, cool.
- Yeah.

We all on the same page
with tonight's

game plan for the game?

- We're not going to be
able to stream it.

They really, really want
to watch it,

so if we have to get up--

- He's told me he's not missed
a game in, like,

all these years.

- I know;
that's what I mean.

- Well, you know, there could
very well be,

you know, an English pub there.

- I'm going to go into town
and try and find

someone that I can throw
some money at

and get this game aired
at 3:00 a.m.

- What is this?

- Sounds very authentic.

- Dude, I'm starving.

- This is ready?
- Let's start rolling with this.

- Oh, it is the frittata.

- Looks like a giant pizza.

- Egg pizza.

- Yay.
- Good morning.

- Ooh, we have food?
- Look at this.

- You got a frittata here.
- This is so good.

- So good.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God,
this is so good.

This was worth the wait.

- All crew, just getting ready
to depart.

- So I'll get everything
cleared away

and then start backing in.

- Okay.
- So you're getting off and...

- Going to try and find
somebody I can pay

to open a bar that happens
to have an American channel on.

- I think the stress is getting
to Hannah.

Me, trying to hide distress

comes from, you know,
I used to do acrobatics

from the age of 7 to 14.

So you have to kind of put this
whole front on.

You can't laugh.

You have stand there
so straight.

So I think it comes from that,

where I can kind of hide
the stress.

- You'll be missed, Hannah.

- Have fun, Hannah.

- How did you guys sleep,
by the way?

- I slept good.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- You guys were up on deck
at 6:00?

Both you and Jen?

- Mm.

- Tell me.

No, uh...

Yo, snitches, they get stitches,

and I don't want to snitch.

I don't want to be that guy.

- Okay, I'll ask Jen.

Hey, were you up on deck
at 6:00?

- Hey, were you up on deck

at 6:00?

- Just a few minutes after.

Like, five, ten minutes.

- I'm annoyed.

She should be doing her job,

and more importantly,
respecting me

and respecting her position
on this boat.

Wake up and get the job done.

6:00 on deck means it's 6:00
and you're ready to work.

Let's not let this happen again,
all right?

I'll be back.

- I didn't say anything.

- Are you not familiar with
the concept of lying?

- I don't really like to lie,

but I didn't snitch.

- Apparently Daniel has morals

and doesn't feel comfortable
lying.

I don't know how he gets
through life.

- This cereal sucks.

- Guys, enjoy your meal.

- Bon appetit.
- Thanks, Hannah.

- Hi.
I'm hoping you can help me.

Is there, like, American pubs?

- Straight ahead two minutes,

the church, uh,
behind the church.

- Behind the church.
Okay, great.

Thank you.

Could you just tell me the area

where I can find some bars?

- No, sorry, not the bus.

Like, bars for drinking.

- I've never missed
a Steeler game, period.

- You've never missed a single
Steelers game?

- Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.
It's an American football game.

- I am so stressed.

If I fail, then the whole crew
pays for it.

I'm freaking out.

- This season on "Below
Mediterranean"...

- Welcome to Greece!

- What the fááá is that?

- More martini, less espresso.

- Living on this superyacht,

the guests get exactly what
they want when they want it.

- Whoo!

- Ten more seconds
of whatever you got.

- Five-star treatment means

holding someone's
hair extensions

and wrapping them up
in a napkin.

With a smile.

- Hannah's looking
for some loving.

She pretty much wanted
to bang last night.

Oh, my God!

- Cupid is going crazy.

- She just touched my butthole.

Oh!

- You have a crush on my stew,
that's true, yeah?

- She's the one that started
the flirting.

- Don't fááá with her.

- I could kiss you right now.

Is that inappropriate?
- Absolutely.

We're here to serve them,
entertain them.

We're not here to connect
with them.

- A yacht is a political arena.

What was the "entrée" tonight?

- I got confused when a piece
of fáááing bread

with salmon went out
as the fáááing starter.

- This time I will have
no allies.

Don't throw me under
the bus.

- You're fáááing up at work

and then you're walking down
the street

sculling out of a bottle
of wine.

- Can't fáááing please her.

- If you can't tie a bowline--

- Any idiot can tie a bowline

if they just read the book.

- She's out of her element.

She's not bonding with anybody.

- His line is ripping.

- Oh, sááá, sááá, sááá.

Bobby, what's going on?

Lock that line on!

- So you think he'll be fired?

- Yeah, I think so.

- Get the fááá away from me.

- You've lost my trust...

- Shut your face!

- You've lost the respect
of your crewmembers.

- Can't believe
I'm fáááing crying.

- Back your bags.

You can collect your tip money

and your plane tickets
and go home.

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