Becker (1998–2004): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Buddy System - full transcript

Reg. Bob.

Hey, becker.
Becker.

Hey, john.

Hey, jake, how you doing?

Doing fine. So, are you ready?

Yes, I am. See you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
w-w-where you going?

Oh, don't tell me you forgot.

What? I didn't
forget anything.

And, frankly, I think
it's presumptuous of you

To assume that I did forget.



So, go ahead, tell me, big man,

What is it you think I forgot?

Has that ever
worked before?

I'll be honest,
I just came up with it.

I was talking about our bet.

You lost, you
owe me dinner.

A bet?

Yeah, about the
fastest land animal.

You said ostrich,
I said cheetah.

I was right.

No, I said fastest land animal
you can make into a burger.

You can make anything
into a burger.

If you only knew.

Look, you were wrong,
the bet was dinner.



You said we'd go tonight. So?

So we'll go to dinner,
but not tonight.

I'm, uh...
(coughing)

I'm, uh, sick.

Oh, please.

No... You know, ask them.
I'm-I'm all clammy.

I'm pale. I'm pasty.

Oh, you always look like that.

No, seriously, I'm
going straight home.

You know, I just came
by for a cigarette.

You're sick
and you're still smoking?

Look, I got germs
inside my lungs.

I'm trying to smoke
'em out, all right?

Leave me alone, will you?

Friday night, all right?

That'll give you
a whole week

To build up an appetite.

Don't wait too long, becker,

Your coupon could expire.

Ooh, right, yeah.

Coupon, that's right.

Make that Thursday,
all right.

So, jake, since you don't have
dinner plans, bob's free.

How about dominick's at 8:00?

That's exactly what I want
to do tonight, bob...

Have dinner with you.

Great, I'll see you there.

Bob, I wasn't serious.

He's gone, jake.

Maybe I should give him a call.

No.

You know, becker, you don't
exactly look sick to me.

Trust me, I got a bug, you know.

I'm just going to go home
and climb into bed.

(heavy breathing)

You know, laura,

It's great you
came over tonight.

Yeah, I'm glad
it worked out, too.

I had such a stressful day.

I was stuck in meetings
all morning.

Then my sister
was on the phone for hours,

Babbling on about
her kid's first tooth.

Why do parents think
it's front-page news

Every time
their kid farts?

Switch?

You know what's
great about this?

Yes, john, I know.

Ming's is cheap,
the portions are huge,

There's no delivery charge...
No, no, no.

I didn't mean that.

You're right, though,
that is great, but, uh...

No, I mean this.

You know, I...

The last few months
have been terrific.

Completely casual, you know,
no strings, no pressure.

I mean, the minute
you leave,

It's like you
weren't even here.

I bet there's a compliment
in there somewhere.

Oh, no, don't
get me wrong.

I like you.

It's just that I
think it's great

That we can meet
here, have... Ming's,

You know, and then,
uh, then move on.

Oh, yeah, about that...

I have an early meeting
in the morning

And I want to get
my notes together.

Plus, there's this movie
I want to watch on tv tonight.

You can watch it
here if you want.

I would,
but you don't have cable.

I did... Till the damn
cable company found out.

What's your
schedule like?

Let's see...

I have a client in town
for a few days.

Then there's my cousin's
wedding this weekend.

Now, see, that's another thing
that's great

About us not dating.

You know, I don't have to go
to some banquet hall

And watch your aunt shirley
on the dance floor

Shaking her arm fat.

So, how's next Tuesday?

Let me see.

Uh... Great.

Ming's Tuesday.

Hey, hey, laura.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm
always in such a hurry.

Bye, john.
This was nice.

No, no, I, I di--
I didn't mean that.

You know, you did...

You did have
the extra dumplings, you know.

A-all right, no,
you're right, you're right.

You know,
you'll get it next time.

Reg. Jake.

Well, somebody sounds
all cured.

I guess you doctors save
the best drugs for yourselves.

That's right.

Be nice to me,

I'll tell you how I
cured my blindness.

So, get this:

I'm in a cab last night

On my way
to the restaurant...

Wait, bob, you actually
went to the restaurant?

I was never going to meet you.

Then I'm glad
I stood you up.

You stood me up?

Did you see me there?

Anyway, I'm in this cab,

And you know how
you dig behind the seat

For loose change?

I mean, you figure
whatever you find,

If it's not all wet and slimy,
you hit pay dirt.

That's disgusting.

On occasion. Anyway...

I'm fishing around
back there

And I feel something.

And, well, check it out.

It's a ring.

Ooh, let me see.

Amazing. She just
hears the word "ring"

And she sticks
her hand out.

That's sad,

Very sad.

Look what it says:

"new york giants

1987 super bowl champions."

Oh, my god, a
super bowl ring.

That's why you blew me off
for dinner?

You're not exactly the first one
I turn to for show-and-tell.

I wonder who it belongs to.

It belongs to me.

I mean,
it's a super bowl ring.

That's like the ultimate symbol
of personal achievement.

You know what it means to me
to have something like this?

What? Are you going wear it?

No. I'm going
to sell it.

I always wanted to get lucky

In the back of a cab,
and now I have.

You're not going

To try to find
the guy who lost it?

Why?
To return it.

Why?

To give it back
to its rightful owner.

Are we even speaking
the same language?

Bob, winning
the super bowl

Is like a once-in-a-lifetime
experience.

It must be killing
whoever lost it.

Why do you even care?

Because I'm a nice person.

I have compassion.

Yeah? Trying selling that
on ebay.

Now, now, mom and dad, come on,

How many times are we
going to go through this?

You're not getting divorced.

Look, is this about dad
sleeping with the maid?

Okay, I did not know
you didn't know about that.

Are you sure these pills

Are going to take
care of my headaches?

Yes, mrs. Goldman.

What about the
stomachaches?

Yes, mrs. Goldman.

What about the congestion?

Yes, mrs. Goldman.

Well, what about
the nagging pain?

Mrs. Goldman, I promise,
your pain will go away.

I know mine just did.

Dad, what was
that screeching noise?

Are you wearing
your driving glasses?

What do you mean
they're in your pants pocket?

Of all the things
you should keep in your pants,

Your glasses
are not one of them.

Linda, who's up?

Look, just call me
when you get home

And stop
all this divorce talk, okay?

Love you, daddy.

You want to knock off
the personal phone calls?

What makes you think
that was a personal call?

"love you, daddy."

That could be anyone.

Good point.

Uh, mr. Reilly's in room one.

Linda...

I'm sorry about your parents.

That's okay.

It happens a few times a year.

Dad cheats,
mom drinks to forget.

Then, when she does,
dad figures he can cheat again.

Still, it must be tough
on your mother.

So you're taking her side?

Do you know what he
has to put up with?

I mean, the mood swings, the
drinking, the fights in public.

I guess that would be difficult.

So now you're
taking his side?

I... No, linda.

I'm just concerned about you.

So now you're
taking my side?

No... I'm just saying,

It seems like a big mess
that needs to be cleaned up.

Oh, that's great, margaret.

Blame it on the maid.

Jake, I've been thinking
about this ring.

If I hadn't been on my way to
the restaurant to meet you,

I never would have
been in that cab

And I never would
have found the ring.

So I'm going to give
you first crack at it.

Make me an offer.

I don't want the ring, bob.

Reggie, I've been thinking.

If I hadn't been
in your place

Before I went
to meet jake,

I never would have been
in that cab

And I never would have
found this ring.

Not interested.
Are you kidding?

I'm giving you a shot
at a 100% authentic, genuine...

It's a fake, isn't it?

Damn, the jeweler was right.

Even a blind guy can tell.

(jake and reggie laughing)

Fine,
enjoy yourself.

Laugh in bob's face.

All right, you're right, bob,
that's cruel.

Turn around so we can laugh
behind your back.

(jake and reggie laughing)

(knock on door)

Oh, for cr...

(sighs)

Hi.
Hi.

I didn't expect you
until next week.

Not that I'm complaining.
Come on in.

Well, you're here now.

What the hell?
I can read anytime, I guess.

Uh... Well,
I'll call ming's,

We'll get our,
our usual going here.

Well, actually, john,

Could we just sit
on the couch for a minute?

The couch before food.

Whoa.

Yeah, I think
I can adjust to that.

Uh, john, I didn't come over
for ming's.

We have to talk.

I've met someone.

What do you mean?

I mean, I met another guy.

I'm not following.

Well, it's not
like I was looking.

It just happened.

Are you... Are you trying
to say that you met someone?

Oh, come on, what we had was
never an exclusive thing.

It was just sex.

No attachments,
no commitments.

Who said that?

You did.
When?

Every single time
we were together.

I only just met him,

But I think it has a chance to
turn into something serious.

So I guess what
I'm saying is,

We can't do this anymore.

No more ming's?

Sorry.

Oh...

No, uh, that's okay.

I-I'm... You just
caught me off-guard there.

You know,
I'm sort of used to

This arrangement
of ours here, you know?

No big deal.
You go your way, I go mine.

Like... Like you said...

Uh, this wasn't serious.

Good luck to you. Yeah.

Thanks.

So you're okay?

Me? Oh, oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I don't need you to have ming's.

I had it twice last week
by myself.

I mean, uh...

By that, I didn't mean...

I got it, john.

Well, take care
of yourself.

And by that,
I didn't mean...

No, no.

Come on, mom, you
can't be serious.

You're not really
getting divorced.

Look, if you didn't leave him

When you found out he kept
that other apartment, then...

Okay, I did not know
you didn't know about that.

Look, mom,
just try and relax, okay?

Try breathing into a paper bag.

Okay, then take the scotch
out of the bag first.

Look, just pull over
and call me back.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Well, you don't
sound fine.

You sound upset;
maybe it would help

If you just took the
rest of the day off.

No, no. I think it'd be better

If I just stayed here
and kept working.

Oh, my god, honey,

I didn't know
it was that bad.

Thanks, margaret.

I think I'll just go back
and restock all the exam rooms.

You said you did that yesterday.

That's so sweet;
you believed me.

Oh, john, since you have

Mr. Cohen's physical
during lunch,

I thought I'd just order in
from ming's.

No, no ming's.

I'm never having ming's again.

What? I don't understand.
It's great.

As a matter of fact, louis and I
had ming's the other night

And it was incredible.

Oh, great, that's
just great.

Now I have to live with that
image for the rest of my life.

(with heavy accent):
Excuse me, please.

I'm cab driver,
and...

I've been looking everywhere
for someone I dropped off

And... You.

You were
in my cab.

All right, look, I was going to
tip you, but I only had singles.

No, it's not that; a passenger
lose ring in my cab.

Oh, really?
Interesting.

Interesting.
And did this passenger

Happen to offer a
reward for this ring?

Yes. Reward might be possible.

Well, I'm not making
any promises, but I think

I might know someone
who can locate the ring.

He's got the ring.

So much for leverage.

You know, you look
really familiar.

Do I know you?

No.

Are you on tv?

No, I'm just cab driver.

Wait a minute.

You're in the opening credits

Of that tv show,
world's dumbest athletes.

You're that russian placekicker

Who ran 70 yards
in the wrong direction

And scored a touchdown
for the other team.

Giants-49ers, right?

What, you're...
You're dmitri petrenko?

Yes, that's me.

How about my ring?

That's your ring?

I don't get it.

It's not even real, and you
didn't even play for the giants.

After I lose game for my team,
the giants win super bowl.

They say they couldn't do it
without me,

So as joke,
they buy me this ring.

Wow, that's cold.

But inspired.

Why would you even want it?

I mean, doesn't it
just remind you

Of the worst day of your life?

You don't know my life.

Look, I'm serious

About reward.

How about $50?

I don't know, I-I-I
wouldn't feel right

Taking 50 bucks
from you.

Make it 75.

Sixty.

Seventy.

Sixty-five.

Seventy.

Seventy-five.

Eighty.

Ninety.

Ninety-five!

You believe this guy?

Okay, a hundred, my final offer.

Done.

Thank you.

I may just be
cab driver, but...

Then I see this ring,
I remember

Running on that field,
60,000 people screaming my name.

Yeah, but they were screaming
at you to turn around.

But until I found that out,
it was best moment of my life.

Hey, gorby.

Wait up.

I can't keep your money.

Have another great day on me.

Thank you.

Did I just hear right?

Did bob just give
that guy his money back?

Yeah. Bob, are you okay?

Believe me, it was worth
twice that much

Just to feel the way
I'm feeling right now.

It's like a warmth going
through my whole body.

It's called compassion.

No. It's called superiority.

That guy's a loser.

I never realized the joy
you can get

From looking down
on another human being.

Maybe one day you guys
will know what I mean.

(knock on door)

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Look, this is
really embarrassing,

But I lost this antique bracelet

And I think the last time
I wore it was here.

I remember having it when we
were sitting on the couch.

Mind if I look?

No, not at all.

I'm sorry about this,
but it was my grandmother's.

Uh-huh, your grandmother's.

Don't you think this is
a little transparent?

Excuse me?

Oh, come on, obviously

You're having second
thoughts about us.

Don't you think
freud might say

That you invented
this "lost bracelet"

As an excuse to
come and see me?

Or he might say that
sometimes a bracelet

Is just a bracelet.

I'm sorry I disturbed you.
I'll go.

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Are you sure about this?

I mean, I-I thought
we sort of had something.

John, all we ever
did was get together

In our spare time
for casual sex.

Hey, just 'cause
it was casual sex

Doesn't mean
it was meaningless sex.

You know, did you ever think

That it was its casualness
that gave it its meaning?

Do you really
believe that?

I'm not even sure
what I just said, I...

But it wa-- it wasn't
just sex, laura.

Sometimes it was nice, too.

(chuckles)

Look, john, we never went out,

We never talked,
we never discussed

Our feelings or
any kind of future.

Exactly. Why would you
want to give all that up?

Oh, I don't know, maybe for
a husband, kids, a life.

Yeah, trust me, as soon
as you get a husband and kids,

Life goes right out the window.

What's going on here?

You said yourself that
we had nothing special.

What are you fighting for?

Look, I didn't even realize I
wanted more until I found it.

Maybe you'll meet
someone, too.

You just have to
get out there.

No, I-I don't want
to "get out there."

I've been "out there,"
I'm no good at it.

You know, I've been
married twice,

And I think I proved
I wasn't good at that, either.

Th-this was perfect

An-and now, now it's...
Going away, you know.

What am I supposed
to do, try again?

I hate that.

So, all you want is
sex without intimacy?

Companionship
without commitment?

See, that's why
you can't leave-- you get me.

I'm sorry, john.

This worked for me, too,
but now I want more.

I'd better go.

But th-this was... Fun,

Wasn't it?

Yeah, this was a lot of fun.

It seems to me,
if you could overlook

Your husband's affair
with your best friend...

Okay, I did not know
you didn't know about that.

I will give linda the message.

Margaret, I can't find
mr. Isaacs' file anywhere.

Oh, his lab results
just came in.

It should be there on the table.

Linda, you have got to tell
your parents to cut it out.

They have been calling
here all morning.

Now, I could be wrong,

But it sounds like
they've been drinking.

You think?

Look, I am sorry their
marriage is in trouble,

But they're your parents.

You handle it.

I'm going to lunch.

After all these years,
why do they think

Splitting up is going
to make them happy?

Happiness is a myth.

People are just brainwashed
into thinking

They're supposed to want
something more than they have.

Changing things
doesn't necessarily mean

You're going
to make them better.

Why can't you just leave
things the way they are?

You don't throw away

A life together
just because it isn't perfect.

You could end up throwing away

Something that works
pretty damn well.

Exactly.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

(phone ringing)

Doctor's office.

Linda? Yeah. Linda!

Oh, uh, let me take
a message here.

Who's calling?

Oh, her father.

Yeah, look, I-I'm...
I'm sorry about your divorce.

If you don't mind my saying,
I-I don't blame you.

You know, when you found out

Your wife was having an affair
with that tennis instructor...

Okay, I-I did not know
that you didn't know about that.