Becker (1998–2004): Season 4, Episode 8 - Dinner and a Showdown - full transcript

Hope you enjoyed
everything.

Come again soon.

Thanks, bob.

Not so fast.

You're eating other
people's leftovers?

That's gross.

Hey, what's the big deal?

A piece of unbuttered toast,
untouched eggs,

And a perfectly good strip
of bacon.

It's a crime to waste food...

Although, in here,
it's only a misdemeanor.



Why would you eat

Off a stranger's plate?

Because I didn't like
what you ordered.

Besides, she's just going
to throw it out anyway.

But I was going to keep the tip,
so hand it over.

You know, you should
at least split it with me.

I mean, I did bus the table.

On second thought,

Keep the tip,
just lock the door.

Why would I lock the door?

Hi, everybody.

Hi, sara.

Oh, reggie, I'm so glad
I caught you here.

Then again,
where else would you be?



(laughs)

Anyway, as promised...

Here are
my vacation pictures.

Richard, the kids, and I
spent five glorious days

In bermuda.

That's an island.

Yes, filled with white
people longing to be brown.

Everyone had
such a wonderful time.

Oh, look, the baby whales
come right up on the beach.

Those are my children.

No way.

I mean, cute kids.

So, anyway,
now that I'm back,

We really should get together
and go on a double date...

Whenever you find someone.

No rush.

Actually, I'm seeing
someone now, sara.

All:
Really?

Yes, really.

In fact, we're going
to dinner tonight.

Oh, why don't we make it
a foursome?

Well, I don't really...

Oh, I'll have richard
make the reservations.

Oh, I'll call you.

I can't wait to meet
your special someone.

Neither can I.

Neither can she.

Well, aren't you
a gentleman?

Yeah, a gentleman
who just found a quarter.

Becker,
I need to ask you a favor.

Oh, god.

No.

Come on, you haven't
even heard it yet.

I was taking
jake's lead, there.

I need you to be my date tonight

To go to dinner with sara
and her husband.

God, no.

Good call there, buddy.

Come on, becker, it's
hard to get a date

On such short notice.

Check the back
of the village voice.

You can get a date in an hour...

Or is that for an hour?

Look, reg,

If it was just you,
I'd think about it--

I would still say no,
but I'd think about it--

But sara is
just a chirpy little snot

Who gets off on making you
feel bad about yourself.

Look, becker, I'm
grasping at straws here.

I'm dateless and
I'm desperate.

You know,
add "easy" and "lonely,"

Stick it in the village voice--

I'll bet
you'll scare up someone.

You're late.

No, you're early,

And considering
what you pay me,

You should be happy
I'm here at all.

I hope there's
somebody standing behind me

'cause you better
not be talking to me.

It's my new attitude.

I just started taking

Assertiveness
training classes.

Why?
Back off, I'm getting to that.

I've been
pushed around

Enough in my life.

So now I'm learning

To stand up for myself
and get what I want,

And what I want is
to leave early today

Because my class
starts at 5:00.

So that's what
I'm going to do.

No, you're not.

Okay.

Hi. Is becker here?

What's it to you?

Linda, knock it off.

Okay.

He's in his office.

Yes?

No!

Becker...

No way.

I'm not going out
to dinner with you.

Come on, I called everyone
I could think of,

Including some guy who wrote
his number in the bathroom,

Claiming he could go all night.

Unfortunately,
he can't go tonight.

Well, maybe he can go
tomorrow night.

If I have to beg, I will.

All right.

Let's see
what you got.

Come on, becker, please.

Oh, you know...

All right, fine, I'll go,

But we're going to establish
some ground rules, here.

No kissing, no touching.

No cute little nicknames.

No affection of any kind.

Are we clear?

Thank you, becker.

What did I just say?

Oh, don't be
such a hard-ass.

I said no nicknames!

Now that we know
you're dating reggie,

It makes sense why you're
always at the diner.

Well, he could
have been going there

Just because he likes
reggie's cooking.

(high-pitched giggle)

Richard's so funny.

Either laugh or go mad,
right, richard?

So, do you two
like kids?

We haven't really gotten

To the talking-about-kids
point in our relationship.

Oh, well, don't
wait too long.

Tick-tock.

Richard:
Don't let sara rush you

Into having kids.

When it's time to end
your life, you'll know.

(chuckles)

Reggie:
So, um...

Anyway, richard, I
haven't been seeing you

At the bakery
very much.

Oh, well,
I should-- well...

Oh, that's because
I'm running it now.

I guess you
could say

That I'm the breadwinner
in the family.

I make lots of dough.

(high-pitched giggle)

You get it?

Yes, it works on so many levels.

Actually, I've always
wanted to teach english,

So I got a job
at the high school.

Oh, that must be
really rewarding.

Oh, yeah,
oh, it's great.

Although, if I wanted
to have stuff thrown at me

And be called a dork,
I could have stayed at home.

(chuckles)

(both chuckle)

John hasn't seen
our pictures

From our vacation yet.

Oh, lucky for you,

I happen to have
them right here.

(beeping)

Oh, thank god.

I mean, uh, a patient of mine

Is having a bad reaction
to some medication I gave him.

I'm sorry, I-I got to go.

Oh, too bad.

We were having
so much fun.

Hmm? Oh, yeah, no, right...

Yeah, uh...

Anyway, I got
to go, sorry.

I hope your patient's okay.

Thank you.
Um, don't wait up.

Will you excuse me?

John.

John.

Becker!

What?

Did you beep yourself?

No, I actually have
a sick patient.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, for you, but
I'm still stuck here.

I need your credit card.

Forget it.

Come on, becker, I
didn't bring any money.

I couldn't find a purse
that goes with this dress.

Those shoes don't go with
the dress. You brought them.

Fine, fine.

But just remember, I had salad
and iced tea, that's all,

And don't go nuts with the tip;
11% is more than enough.

Thanks, and, uh,
I really hate

To ask you for anything
else, but sara's watching.

So could you just
kiss me good-bye?

I thought we had a rule.

Come on, becker, just one.

Geez.

High school kids
have changed.

First day,
they stuck a sign on my back.

I thought it said,
"kick me."

Turns out it said,
"kill me."

Lucky for me, they can't read.

Oh, my gosh,
look how late it is.

You were supposed
to just walk me home,

Not stay here and entertain me.

I hope sara won't be mad.

Oh, she's fine.

She's with the kids.

Actually, that's
why she left early.

She is convinced
that if she doesn't

Read the kids
a bedtime story,

They won't be able to sleep,

And I guarantee you,
she woke them up to do that.

(laughing)

I'm sorry, I'm talking again.

If you want me to stop,
just tell me.

No, no, no. No.

I like listening to you.

Wow.

You know,
I was dreading tonight,

But I had a great time.

Me, too.

Oh, and your boyfriend's
very nice.

Oh, he's not...

Not what? Not nice?

Or your boyfriend?

Well, neither, actually.

What do you mean?

Well, I couldn't admit to sara
that I wasn't seeing anyone,

So I asked becker
to do me a favor.

Please, don't tell her.

I am surprised.

I know.

I really should have
just told her the truth.

No, no, no, no.

I'm surprised
that you're not dating anybody.

Oh, yeah.

Who could resist all this?

Yeah, well,
I think you're amazing.

I mean, you know,
you run a business,

You're going back to school,
you're pretty.

Any man would be
lucky to have you.

Wow, talk about things
you don't hear very often.

Well, I should get going.

Oh, right.

Well, gee,
thanks a lot

For walking me
home, again.
Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.
That was inappropriate.

It... No.

No, no, no.

I mean, we're
friends, right?

Where is it, reg?
Where's my credit card?

I couldn't sleep
knowing you had it.

You miss the feeling of it
in your pajama pocket?

So you're a pajama man, huh?

Bob likes to sleep à la mode.

I think he got that wrong.

I hope he got that wrong.

Hey, I'm not going to
ask again for my card.

Okay.

Now, look... Don't go crazy.

Our half of the bill was $120,
so here's my $60.

Our half?

The bill was $240?

All I had was salad
and iced tea!

After you left,

Sara ordered a dinner to go
for her babysitter

And a whole bunch of desserts
for her kids.

You let her get away with that?

Well, what was I supposed to do?

You pull out your calculator

And you play
"who had the chicken salad?"

Damn it!
This always happens.

Whoever orders
the most food

Always wants to
split the check.

Aw, 60 bucks
for salad and iced tea!

I may never get
over this.

Yeah, especially if
we keep reminding him.

Well, it sounds like you and
john had a magical night.

Yeah. It wasn't all bad.

Did you ever find yourself
attracted to someone

You never thought you'd be
attracted to in a million years?

Oh, my god,
you and becker?

No, not becker--
I was out with sara...

Wait a minute-- you and sara?

Let me picture this.

Why is that not as hot
as I want it to be?

Not sara.

Richard, sara's husband.

Oh, reg, no.

Oh, reg, yes.

This throws a whole new light
on things.

Looks like sara
will soon be available.

She's not available
because nothing is going on.

Besides, she hates you.

Yeah? All married and snooty,
I had no shot,

But single and desperate
with two fat kids?

She, my friend, is on her way
to the bottom,

And bob is the mayor
of the bottom.

Reg, I know you hate sara,
but I can't believe

You'd make a move
on her husband.

I didn't.
Nothing happened.

We were just sitting
here talking.

Just talking, huh?

Okay, well,
we might have shared one kiss--

Oh, one really great kiss--

But believe me,
nothing is going on.

You keep telling yourself that.

Oh, but nothing
is going on.

We're just meeting for
a friendly lunch...

At 4:00 while sara picks up
her kids from dance class.

Totally innocent.

Reg, you know
that after eating,

You'll want
to stretch your legs,

Which leads
to taking a walk,

Which leads to your apartment,
which leads to sex.

Fine, maybe I'll just meet him
for dessert.

Bad idea--

You'll eat too much,
which leads to feeling fat,

Which leads to changing clothes,
which leads to sex.

Coffee?
Coffee,
coffee breath.

Mints, drugstore,
aisle 12, sex!

Can we meet for water?

Water?!

Why don't you just do it
in the street?!

Linda:
What do you mean,
you peed at home?

You came here
for a physical.

What do you think the plastic
cups are for, refreshments?

Now go out, get a beer,
and when you get back here,

Damn well better be
tinkle time!

Linda.

Okay, you, sign in,

You, I want naked
and waiting in room one,

And you, get me a soda.

Linda.

Oh, right, get margaret
a soda, too.

Linda,

You have got to quit
these assertiveness classes.

You are spinning
out of control.

Go home-- take the day
off and come back

When you are you again.

Don't you tell
me what to do.

Go.

Okay.

Becker:
She can't just leave
in the middle of day.

Why do we even pay her
if she's not going to work?

Don't you question the way
I run things around here.

Mind your own business
and let me handle it.

Okay.

Jake, I'm back.

Oh, so how was your
lunch with richard?

It was fine.

We had lunch,
we talked.

Did you talk about the
fact that he's married?

Every relationship
has obstacles.

So now it's a
relationship?

Look, we didn't
do anything.

What do you mean
you didn't do anything?

Where does that leave
sara and bob?

Nowhere.
She hates you.

Always has,
always will.

Yeah?
Don't be so sure, my friend.

You ever go to the pound

And see those dogs who
are about to get put down?

They'll go home with anybody.

Reg, coffee to go, please.

What is that, like, 150 bucks?

Oh, look who's here,
the lovebirds.

Can't keep you two apart.

Yeah, unlike a check,
you can't split us up.

Sara...
Ever be interested

In going out
with a guy like bob?

I'm married.

I'll check back
with you next week.

So, reggie,
I just stopped by

To say I'm sorry
for rushing off last night.

I just really like to be there
to put my kids to bed.

We have a whole routine--

They take a bath,
I read them a story...

They have five desserts.

Well, they did polish off

The crème brûlée
and the éclairs.

Little dumplings-- they may be
on their way to fat camp.

Well, I got to go,

But we really should try
to get together again soon.

Oh, you know, I
don't think...

That's a great idea.

How about tonight?

Tonight? Well...

Isn't he spontaneous and fun?

Uh, look, sara, I really...

Sara:
Oh, come on, reggie.

No one cares if you wear
the same dress-- it's just us.

I'll let richard know.

Same time, same place okay?
Good. See you.

Wasn't last night
embarrassing enough?

Why would you want to have
dinner with them again?

To get even.

Last night she fed herself

And her two fat kids on my dime.

Tonight I'm the fatty,
and she's buying.

But if you order
a whole bunch of food,

You're still going
to have to pay for it.

Don't bother me with logic;
I'm working off of spite here.

Wear something roomy.

Oh, hi, you two.

Game time.

Waiter?

Nice to see you again.

You, too.
Hi, I'm paul.

I'll give you some time
to look over the menus...

Don't need time.
Ready now. Let's go.

All right now.

Oh, I'm still hungry
from the other night.

You know, 'cause all
I had was a salad?

And an iced tea...

Which actually sounds

Pretty good.

I'll have a salad
and an iced tea.

Yes, a caesar salad.

I'll have a
caesar salad, too.

No, no, no...
With chicken.

I'll have the same.

All right then, paul,

Uh, I'll have the caesar salad
with chicken as well...

To start.

Then I would like

A steak.

May I recommend the filet?

No, you can't, too small.

What else you got?

Well, there's the chateaubriand
but that's for two.

I'll take it.

Okay, how would you like
that cooked?

Quickly.
Very good.

Oh, paul...

I didn't realize how hungry I
was until I heard him order.

Oh, it's too bad

I don't eat meat.

What do you have in the way
of... Lobster?

(under breath):
Damn it.

Actually, we just had some
lobsters flown in from maine.

Oh, what a shame-- their
first night in the big city

And they have to end up
on my plate.

(laughs)

Bring me the biggest one.

Very good.

Oh, paul?

I'll be right back.
I have to go to the men's room.

Me, too.

Uh, what do you got

In the way of
side dishes?

Well, we have a wide variety
of vegetables

And our chef prepares potatoes
in six different ways.

Prove it.

I'm so sorry.
This wasn't my idea.

I know, I tried to talk her
out of it, but...

God, you look great.

So do you.

I had a really nice time
at lunch today.

I love talking to you.

I wanted to call you
the second I got back.

I wish you had.

Oh, god, richard, we
shouldn't be doing this.

We should go back
to the table.

Yeah, we should.

In a minute.

The jumbo shrimp are
the biggest ones we have.

Well, I'll take it.

Me, too.
Paul:
Very well.

Yeah. Oh, paul?

It just occurred to me.

I may need something
to wash all this down.

A hose, sir?

I-I feel so guilty.

I mean,
I don't know why.

We're just talking;
we're not doing anything.

I know, but if we
keep doing this...

I know.

I don't... Well, I could never
do anything to hurt sara.

Oh, that's right, you'd
have to consider that.

I mean, of course
you couldn't.

But we can still
be friends, right?

I mean, friends...
Who meet for coffee?

Oh, uh...

I don't think we can.

Yeah, I don't think so
either.

Let, let me see if I got this--

Jumbo shrimp cocktail,

Caesar salad with chicken,
chateaubriand... For two,

One two-and-a-half-pound
lobster, stuffed...

With lobster,

Asparagus, a bottle
of the '94 mouton rothschild,

And a chocolate soufflé...

And for the lady...

Same thing,

No asparagus.

Excuse me.

Everything okay?

Everything's fine.

You know, I think I'm a
little hungry after all.

Oh, paul?

I can't believe
you didn't tell me

What was going on
between you and richard.

Well, nothing happened.

Well, it could've happened,
but it didn't.

Well, it did
just a little bit, but...

Yeah, reg, not everything
I ate tonight

Really likes everything else
I ate tonight.

So could you come
to the point, please?

Sorry.

It's just so unfair.

I really liked him and
he really liked me.

Reg, he's married.

Everybody looks good.

Oh, that makes me feel
so much better.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look, I...
You should feel proud

You didn't mess around
in someone else's marriage.

You know,
I've been on both sides.

Believe me,

Either way,
you feel like crap.

I know.

I felt bad enough
after one kiss.

I couldn't have let it go
any further.

You did the right thing.

Good for me.

I get to curl up
with my conscience tonight.

Hey...

Listen.

You're terrific.

You know, someday you will find
someone special who...

Someone who will make...

Someone... Oh.

Thanks, becker.

That was such
a nice thing to say.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

Oh, my gosh.

So I almost had an affair
and you paid $300 for dinner.

That's kind of a first
in both of our lives.

All I know is, we split the
check and I ate more, so I won.

Now, if this...

Meal will just stay down,
I'm going to be one happy man.