Becker (1998–2004): Season 3, Episode 18 - The More You Know - full transcript

Margaret, if I'm gonna run
a medical office effectively,

I'm gonna need these things
taken care of

professionally and promptly.

Thank you. Now, let's review.

"Turkey, whole wheat
and light mayo" this time.

John, it's Anita.

Margaret, I gotta go.
The hooker's here.

No, no, no, she lives here.

Not "here" here. Here.

Just... Just hold on.

What?



John, I'm sorry. Can I use your
bathroom to put my makeup on?

Yeah, I guess. Why?

The lights in my apartment
shorted out again.

And speaking of short,
have you seen Bob anywhere?

I've been after him for days
to fix them,

and I'm ready to kill him.

Yeah? Just don't kill him
before he fixes my refrigerator.

Anyway, Margaret, I needed...

Hello, Margaret? Mar...

Well, that's just rude.

Excuse me,
have you ever heard of knocking?

Hey, I didn't think
you were home.

And by the way, you know,
there's no reason to yell at me.

The other tenants make Bob
feel welcome in their homes.



They trust Bob.
Oh, which reminds me.

Guess what I found
in Mr. Zimmerman's closet.

I know, I know.
Women's clothes.

Everybody in the building knows
Zimmerman's a cross-dresser.

What?

No, I meant I just found
a Mickey Mantle baseball card.

That's Mrs. Zimmerman's.
They have an arrangement.

What are you doing? Thought you
were gonna fix my refrigerator.

No, I just came for the beer.

Will that be enough?
Can I fix you some food?

No, I'm good. I'm having dinner
in Apartment 5B.

They're in Europe.

By the way, Zimmerman is not
the only news in the building.

Rumor has it we have a lady
of the evening in residence.

You know, a pro, a streetwalker,
a trollop, a harlot.

How bad is this?
I'm talking dirty to myself.

Thanks, John.
I'll see you later.

Wait a minute.

You're with him?

If your self-esteem is that low,
maybe you and I should talk.

Bob, I had to come here
to put on my makeup

because you never fixed
my lights.

I'll get to it.
Right now.

You're coming with me.

Whoa, whoa,
what about my refrigerator?

Bob's policy is to handle jobs
on a priority basis.

And how do her lights have
priority over my refrigerator?

You saw that dress
and you really had to ask?

Oh, and, Becker, by the way,

keep your eyes open
for the hooker.

Mrs. Davis,
I am very, very sorry.

I have no idea
how this happened.

Please accept my...

Linda.

Why would you write this
on a patient's chart?

What?
This!

"Big ass, no chin."

That's just so I'd remember.

We have three patients
named Mary Davis,

and she's the one
with the big ass and no chin.

Linda, she saw her chart
and was really hurt.

Then why did you show it to her?

My point is, I know Mrs. Davis
has a big ass and no chin.

That is no reason to write it
on her chart!

I was going to come back,

but I'm not going to be insulted
anymore.

Way to go, Margaret.

Listen, can we please
pick this up tomorrow?

My date will be here any minute.

Gil's out of jail?

I'd better hide my purse.

Relax.
He's not out of jail.

Here's a tip,
never bitch-slap the warden.

Anyway, I'm going out
with this new guy, Craig.

I've been seeing him for a
couple of weeks. He's terrific.

Hey, Linda. Ready?

See? He's cute, has a great job
and no rap sheet.

Craig, this is Margaret.

Pleased to meet you.

And thanks for letting Linda off
a little early.

Wow, you're not at all
what I expected.

From what Linda told me,
you're not...

Okay, time to go.

Margaret,
where the hell is Mrs. Davis?

Oh, uh, she left.
She was feeling sick.

Too sick to stay
in a doctor's office?

Oh, uh, maybe she was
just sick of waiting. I forget.

Uh, did you see Linda's
boyfriend?

That's Gil? Has it been
three to five already?

No, that's not Gil.

That's a new one, Craig.

Oh. Oh, he looks normal.

And he acts normal too.

He said, "Pleased to meet you."
I heard him.

Who... Who's up next?

Mr. Jones in 2.
Which Mr. Jones?

Larry Jones, brown hair,
blue eyes.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Chicken neck, big ears.

Oh, Mr. Jones.

Jake, it's Anita.
I'm taking a paper.

No problem.
Can you change a hundred?

Not without a magic wand.

I'll owe you.

So how's business?
Always good.

Even in a slow economy,
there are some things

people just won't cut back on.

God bless them.
Ha, ha.

Morning, troops.
Hey, Bob.

Haven't seen you around.
You missed me, huh?

No, just remembering
the good times.

Well, Bob's been doing
a little detective work.

Seems there's a hooker living
in my building.

How you doing, Anita?

All right, Bob, I'll bite.

Who is it?
I know I'm curious.

You know, I thought I had it all
figured out

when I ran into a tall,
buxom blond in the elevator.

That's Mr. Zimmerman.

Yeah, I know.
I found that out the hard way.

Hey, Reggie,
can I get some coffee?

Okay, but just coffee.
I'm shutting down for lunch.

So you do read
the suggestion box.

Reg, you can't close now.
My business depends on yours.

If you don't cook,
they don't eat.

If they don't eat,
what am I gonna do

with six cases of Maalox?

For your information,

I'm closing because I've been
dating this new guy,

and he's coming by to take me
for lunch.

Wait until you meet him. He's...
Here we go.

"Unlike any guy I've met."
Mm-hm.

"He's funny, he's sensitive."

"He loves me for who I am."

"He likes that I'm a strong
and independent woman."

Mm.
Gee, I had no idea.

Hope you two fellas
will be very happy together.

No, we're teasing Reggie.
She's got a new boyfriend.

Yeah, right. What else is new?
Ha, ha.

Can I get a
cheeseburger, please?

Sorry, Becker,
I'm not serving lunch today.

Oh, so you do read
the suggestion box.

You know, I'm gonna stop talking
to you guys.

Wow, she really does read
the suggestion box.

Oh, Craig, just in time.

You ready?
Yeah.

Oh. I'd introduce you, but, uh,

well, that would be rude.

That's Craig?

Oh, my God.

Who's gay now?

Hi, I don't have an appointment,

but I was hoping the doctor
could see me.

Um...

Sure, I think we can fit you in,
Mr...?

B-I-G-N-O-Z-I, Bignozi.

Okay, if you'll just wait
a moment, Mr. Bignozi,

I'll start...
Oh, I am so sorry.

It was bad enough that you were
writing on their charts.

Now you're referring to patients
by their physical shortcomings?

Again, I am so sorry, Mr., uh...

Bignozi.

That's my name.

And frankly, I don't consider
my nose a shortcoming.

Neither do I.
Until you mentioned it,

I didn't even notice
how big it is. I mean...

I mean...

Uh, Linda will take you back.

Right this way, sir.

Sorry. Sometimes she can be so
insensitive.

Hmm.

Margaret, my office, now.

Please?

That's better.

Yes?

Margaret, I need you
to call the lab

about Mrs. Waverley's
blood test.

Then call Medicare
about those late payments.

Oh, and then I need you
to tell Reggie and Linda

they're dating the same guy.

Okay, thanks a lot.
Oh. Ah-ah.

Get back in here.

That is terrible.
How did you find out?

Oh, wrong place, wrong time.

Anyway, uh, handle it. You know,
j-just break it to them gently.

Yeah, and don't make a day of it
because we're busy.

Uh-uh. You found out,
you tell them.

Oh, hey, listen,
you don't understand.

Every time I get involved

in other people's personal
business,

it ends up biting me in the ass.

John, you have to tell them.
They're your friends.

They're not my friends. One
works for me, one cooks for me.

And believe me, you know,

I'm being generous
on both counts.

John.
Oh, you...

All right, actually,
you know what,

you know,
forget I said anything.

You know,
maybe they don't need to know.

Of course they need to know.
They would want to know.

Fine, then you tell them.

All right, sure,
I'll be glad to.

But if I do, they're gonna
wanna know how I knew.

And I'm gonna have to tell them
the truth,

which is that you told me.

And then,
they're gonna be real mad

that you knew and you told me
instead of them.

So actually,
by not telling them,

I am doing you a favor.

You just made that up off the
top of your head, didn't you?

And it came out a lot better
than I expected.

Good luck.

Hey, Jake.
Hey, John.

Let me ask you something.

If someone you knew
was in a relationship,

and you knew the person
they were seeing

was being unfaithful,

do you really think
they would wanna know?

Oh, my God.

Angela is cheating on me.

Man, I knew I couldn't trust
that woman.

Who the hell's Angela?
The girl I've been seeing.

I thought you were seeing Karen.
I'm seeing Karen too.

So you're cheating on Angela?

Why are you taking Angela's
side?

I'm not taking anybody's side.
Listen, John,

um, in case they should come in,
now Karen knows about Angela,

but Angela doesn't know about
Karen. So, uh, cover for me?

You're on your own, pal.

You know,
I don't care about Karen.

I don't care about Angela.

Hey, a little respect.

You're talking about the women
I love.

Hey, Anita,
let me ask you something.

You date men outside the job,
right?

Sure. Though, when you take
the money out of a relationship,

it can get pretty weird.

Yeah, be that as it may,
if you were seeing some guy,

and he was seeing someone else,
would you really wanna know?

Depends.

If I don't care about him,
no, I don't need to know.

If I care a little,
I don't care.

If I care a lot, I want to know.

If I care a whole lot,
I don't wanna know.

Does that help?

How could it possibly help?

Hey, Reg, coffee, please.
Ha, ha.

Oh, in a minute, Becker.

So anyway, this guy
that I'm dating is really hot.

Oh, so is mine.
So, what does your guy do?

He works on Wall Street.

So does mine.
That's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, amazing.

So, what does your guy
look like?

He's tall, great-looking,
and has an incredible body.

Mine too.

Oh, and he drives
this great BMW.

You're kidding.
So does mine.

What are the odds, huh, Becker?

A million-to-1.

Say,
let me ask you something, Reg.

What's... What's the name
of the guy you're going with?

Craig.
Your boyfriend's name is Craig?

Mine too.

Hey, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

We should all have dinner
together?

Exactly.
Yes...

Oh, for God's sake. Don't you
see what's going on here?

You're both dating
a guy named Craig,

who works on Wall Street
and drives a BMW.

How stupid can you be?
You're both seeing the same guy!

What?

I thought you should know.

We're dating the same guy?
How do you know?

How could I help but know?
I saw him with both of you.

This guy Craig
is everywhere I go.

I can't believe this. He told me
I was the love of his life.

That's what he told me.

Gee, do you think
he might have been lying?

I just don't believe
this is happening.

When I think of the parade
of freaks that I've dated,

and then I finally meet a guy
who is handsome

and funny and successful,
and he's dating someone else.

Oh, I'm such a loser.

You? I'm the loser.

Do you know how long it's been
since I've dated a guy

who's allowed to cross
state lines?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on, come on,

l-l-let's be fair.

You're both losers.

But it's just because you're
both desperate, gullible women

with lousy taste in men.

Now can I have some coffee,
please?

How can you be so insensitive?

Me, insensitive?
What about Craig?

Oh, don't put this on Craig.

You're the one who loves
to spread misery.

I'll bet you couldn't wait
to come here and tell us.

Not true. I waited a whole day.

You knew a whole day,
and you didn't tell us?

L... No, I've been agonizing
over this.

I talked to Margaret, I talked
to Jake, I talked to Anita...

Oh, so you told everyone but us?

I told you just now.

Yeah, because you ran out
of other people to tell.

Yeah, Dr. Becker, thanks.

Oh, Jake,
why do I even open my mouth?

You know, John, for a change,
it's nice to hear you say that.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Landing the space shuttle.

What do you think I'm doing?
I'm making a pit stop.

Your office is conveniently
located

halfway between the apartment
and the diner.

Yeah, next time,
go someplace else, will you?

My office is not a toilet.

Yeah, if you say so.

Oh, and by the way,

I think I'm making some
headway on the hooker situation.

I'm narrowing it down. My dark
horse is old Mrs. Feldheim.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
Mrs. Feldheim's not a hooker.

I know she doesn't fit
the usual profile,

but you don't wear out two hips

without doing something dirty.
I'll keep you posted.

Oh, hey, Margaret, thanks a lot.

Yeah, I took your advice
last night,

and I told Reggie and Linda
about Craig.

How did they take it?

Yeah, would you like to see
the bite marks on my ass?

John, I ride the subway to work.
I get that offer every day.

Yeah, well, I should've stayed
out of it like I wanted to.

But, hey, you know what?
Not my problem anymore.

You know, it's over.

Everything's back the way
I like it.

Where you're totally ignorant
of everything?

Hey, it works for the president.

Listen, Dr. Becker,
about yesterday...

Yeah, look, Linda, it's over.

I really don't wanna talk
about it.

Well, actually,
I just wanted to thank you.

It turns out you did me a favor.
Whatever.

Craig and I are gonna
stay together.

In fact, we're going out
tonight to celebrate.

I don't wanna know.
Aren't you even listening to me?

That's very true. See...

Craig really wanted to be
with me,

but he didn't have the heart
to break up with Reggie.

I still don't wanna know.
I mean, I feel bad for her

and stuff, because, you know,
we're all sisters.

But, uh, I feel extra happy
that Craig chose me because,

well, I won.

Oh.

Got a minute, Becker?

What are you doing here?

Well, I brought you
a club sandwich.

You know, just the way
you like it.

From the deli down the street?

Yeah.

Wait a minute. Why?

Well, I kind of bit your head
off yesterday.

But it turns out you ended up
doing me a favor.

It gave Craig a chance
to break up with Linda

because he really wanted
to be with me.

So you're still dating Craig?
Wha...?

Oh, you have no idea how much
I don't wanna know this.

Oh, I understand.
You have to work with Linda.

It's just, thanks to you,
I have Craig all to myself.

In fact, we're gonna go out
and celebrate.

Yeah, but not tonight, right?

No, he's gotta go see his mom
in Jersey.

Ah.

It seems like he visits her
practically every other night.

Isn't he just the best?

Yeah, yeah, at what he does,
he's the best.

Well, thanks again, Becker.

Why the hell can't people
just shut up?

Yeah, Margaret, get in here.

I need to talk to you.

Please?

Yeah, you're not gonna believe
this.

Reggie and Linda
are both dating Craig again.

Shut the door, will you?

He's got them both convinced
that he dumped the other one.

Damn, he's good.
You're telling me.

I can't even get
a cleaning lady,

this guy has got every woman
in the Bronx.

Well, then you have got
to tell them.

No, no, that's how we got in
this mess in the first place.

You've gotta tell them.

John, I am not gonna do
someone else's dirty work.

It would be different
if I knew it myself,

then it would be
first-hand knowledge.

But as it stands,
all I have is gossip.

You... You just made that up too,
didn't you?

No, I was prepared this time.

Margaret...
No, John Becker.

Oh.

Hey, Dr. Becker, could I leave
a little early? I've got a date.

Whatever.
Just don't talk to me anymore.

Doctor's office.

Hold on. Linda, Craig Brettler's
on the phone.

Oh, tell him I'm on my way.
And that I love him.

She left.

Did she say she was meeting
Craig Brettler?

Yeah, she's dating him.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't tell me
you're seeing him too.

Of course not.
I don't date married men.

He's married?
Oh, yeah.

Linda, Reggie,
and he's got a wife?

I mean, how much abuse
does one guy need?

Oh, hey, ho, ho, ho,
come back here.

Whoa, ho, ho. We both heard that
at the same time.

That means we have
the same information.

No, but it's the person who's
the closest to the source...

No, forget it, forget it,
forget it. Don't even go there.

Tag, you're it.

Hey, Jake.

So have you found
your lady of the evening yet?

No. And talk about guessing
wrong.

I was up in Mrs. Feldheim's
place

working on her closet door

when she walks in wearing
a house dress, open in the back.

Says she has a little arthritis,
and could I zip her up.

So?
So...

Arthritis? Zip her up?

Bob knows a come-on
when he hears one.

So I ask her how much.

And let's just say,
for a lady with a fake hip,

she can really swing that knee.

I'm telling you, Jake, I've
gotta know who the hooker is.

I'm racking my brain.

Yeah, I thought I heard
a marble rolling around.

Wait a minute.

The answer's been sitting right
in front of me the whole time.

Anita.

You're around the building
a lot.

Do you know who the hooker is?

Bob, think about it.

I sleep all day,
I'm out all night.

And it's not unusual for me

to have two or three dates
an evening.

Okay, okay, I get it.

You're too busy to help me.
I'll do it alone.

Is he for real?

Who would fake that?

Sometimes I feel like I'm
the biggest sucker in the world.

I'm the one who's too easy.

I always fall for a smooth
talker.

Oh, hey, Becker, coffee?

Yeah, thank you.
So you guys are all right, huh?

Oh, yeah.
We're fine.

Oh, good. 'Cause when I heard

that you were both still dating
Craig...

You're still dating him?
You're still dating him?

W-wait, didn't Margaret tell you
that he's married?

He's married?

Who cares?
You're still dating him?

Wasn't that what you were both
just talking about?

How you're a big sucker
and you're too easy?

We were talking about the kid
who came in

and sold us a bunch
of magazine subscriptions.

Oh.

You guys doing something
different with your hair?

It's... It's fabulous.

If you knew Craig was married,
why didn't you tell us?

How could you not say something?

What? You gonna try to turn this
on me again? I don't think so.

Look, let... Let's get something
straight.

In the future,
I don't wanna know anything.

If either of you have any
secrets, I don't wanna know.

If either of you think
they have something

that I might like to know,
I don't wanna know.

In fact, if anything happens
to anybody, anyplace, any time,

please don't tell me,
because as I may have mentioned,

I don't want to know.

You know whose fault this is?

When you come right down to it,

it's Margaret,
that bigmouthed busybody.

You know, she just...

She's the one who told me to get
involved in the first place.

She's really brave when she's
pushing other people around,

but, you know, when it's her
turn to tell you something,

where the hell is she?

Right behind you.

Now that I would have liked
to have known.