Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 2 - Imm-Oral Fixations - full transcript
After seeing a man without a larynx, John gives up smoking again but Margaret is not happy, knowing what is to come. An old friend of Reggie, Amanda, comes to the diner. She is an ex smoker and tells Becker that the secret is to have sex, so he does, with her. The pressure on Becker increases when he finds out that he is to be audited by the IRS. Reggie is feeling down because Amanda's life is going well and she doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Jake, you watch the news
this morning?
How many times
do I have to tell you--?
Rhetorical question.
Stay with me, will you?
They're doing this story, right,
on violence in America,
and they're interviewing
some bloated senator
from one of our great
trailer-park states.
Now, does, uh, Senator Gomer
advocate making guns
more difficult to get?
No, no, no, no.
He blames television.
You know, what about all
the violence that happened
before we had television?
I suppose
the Spanish Inquisition came off
a bad episode
of Gilligan's Island.
( cash register rings )
Oh, great,
now I'm out of cigarettes.
Perfect cherry on top of this
crap sundae of a morning.
Give me a pack, will you?
You know,
you ought to just quit, John.
Heh, it's taking years
off your life.
Yeah, but it's just those
crusty-old-fart years
where you walk around
bitching at the world.
As opposed to this whole
high-on-life Gandhi thing
you've got going on now?
Look, I need a new motor
for my damn freezer.
D-- Don't give me excuses.
I've got a kitchen full
of soured milk,
rotten eggs and purple meat.
What are you having, Becker?
Second thoughts
about eating here.
Give me a cup of coffee
to go, will you, please?
Just my luck.
The one weekend I make plans,
and this place
starts falling apart.
Oh, yeah?
What are you doing?
Well, my old roommate, Amanda,
is coming up to visit.
We used to model together
in Miami and--
Oh, my gosh,
she's so much fun.
We used to hit the bars
and play this game
called Catch and Release.
"Catch and Release"?
REGGIE: Yeah.
We'd get all tarted up
and let the guys buy us drinks,
and then at the end
of the night
we'd toss the guys back
and go home.
( chuckles )
Oh, that's a-- That's-- That's
a real pretty picture, you know.
Desperate women
scamming lonely salesmen
out of Harvey Wallbangers.
Yeah, you must have
been so proud.
I love the idea
of models at play.
Like two kittens
wrestling over a ball of yarn.
Nasty little kittens.
( coughs )
( coughing )
Gee, I think Lassie's
trying to tell us something.
What is it, girl?
He's trying to tell you
you're an idiot.
How can you be a doctor
and still smoke?
Hey, I'm alive with pleasure,
you know,
and knock it off, will you?
I'm tired of being treated
like a leper
just 'cause I'm a smoker.
I mean, look at this guy.
He-- He smokes.
Don't you wish they'd just
shut up and leave you alone?
( electronically amplified ):
Tell me about it.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Louis, trust me,
you don't need a bigger one.
A few inches here or there
is not gonna make a difference.
No, I don't care
what your friends have.
You shouldn't feel inadequate.
Well, then don't look at Joe's.
Just be happy
with what you've got.
I am.
Oh, what is it with men
and big-screen TVs?
Oh.
Margaret, congratulate me.
I just quit smoking.
Oh, no. Why?
Let's just say that
I've seen the future,
and it has no larynx.
Larynxes are highly overrated,
especially yours.
Margaret, I'm shocked.
You, of all people,
should be encouraging him.
Ah, you wouldn't be saying that
if you were here
the last five times
he tried to quit.
He was a lunatic.
Well, Dr. Becker,
I'm behind you.
In fact, I could help.
I'll be your sponsor.
If you get the urge to smoke,
just call me,
anytime, day or night.
Except tonight,
'cause I have a date.
And not before noon tomorrow
'cause I'll probably
still have a date.
And not tomorrow night
either because--
Well, just leave a message
and I'll try and get back
to you at some point.
See? Linda's behind me.
John, I want us both to live
long, happy lives,
so understand when I say
please keep smoking.
No, I can do this,
Margaret.
It's simply a matter of finding
alternative strategies
for coping with stress.
At least that's the crap
I tell my patients.
Should work for me.
MARGARET:
Well, here's your first test.
Mr. Ehrlich is waiting
in Room One.
Ehrlich?
Mm-hm.
Oh, I guess I just dreamed
he died.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
( whiny voice ):
So anyway, Dr. Becker,
I just feel off.
Everything hurts.
Yeah, as I've been saying,
Mr. Ehrlich,
it's all part of the flu.
I've got chills and a fever.
Even my legs are achy.
All part of the flu.
My nose is stuffy.
I have no energy.
Part of the flu.
And then there's the sweats.
Mostly at night.
The flu.
I guess that's why
they call them night sweats.
What would cause them?
It's the flu!
For God's sake, Mr. Ehrlich,
what the hell's
the matter with you?
I don't know.
Maybe I caught a bug.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Just get the hell
out of my way, will you?
Where are my damn cigarettes?
Sorry, John.
Linda called and asked Reggie
to throw them out.
And I can't give you a pack
because Linda made me promise--
Jake, don't screw with me.
I haven't had a cigarette
all day.
You know what
I'm usually like?
I'm more like that now.
( drawer opens )
Thank you.
( hoarsely ):
That'll be 3.75.
Damn you.
Two weeks for delivery?
From Jersey?
You said two days.
Look, I know
when you're in New Jersey,
two days must seem
like two weeks, but--
Look, just send it overnight.
I'll pay extra.
Jackass.
You always did have
a way with people.
Amanda.
Oh, my God, you look fabulous.
Oh, so do you.
So...
is this what they call
ghetto chic?
No, just ghetto.
Not quite our condo
in South Beach.
Not quite a condo
in Omaha Beach.
Amanda, this is Jake Malinak
and John Becker.
They're, um--
They're here a lot.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
Ooh, you sound tall.
You smell friendly.
Why are we talking like this?
I'm blind.
And yet you're still staring
at my breasts.
Sorry.
Creature of habit.
( sighs )
REGGIE: So, what's new?
How's Bill?
Oh, Bill is scuba diving.
In Barbados.
With our dogsitter, Kristy.
Thanks for asking.
Sorry.
No, no, it's fine.
I got the dog. He got the bitch.
I've got a great new apartment,
a new job with a PR firm.
Speaking of which,
I've got a client
who just opened up
a club in Soho.
You wanna go?
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Or at least what I remember
fun was like
the last time I had any.
Great.
You wanna join us?
It's on me.
I'll go.
What about him?
Ooh, I don't think Becker's
into clubs.
I don't think Becker's
into fun.
Hey, screw both of you.
I like fun
as much as anyone else.
( loud dance music playing )
Hey, Sprockets,
smoke it or swallow it,
but get it the hell
out of my face.
John, that woman just
invited me to a party.
What does she look like?
The one in drag
or the one with the hump?
Don't screw with me, John.
I'm blind and I sell
Chiclets for a living.
Reggie?
She's beautiful.
Ah, thanks.
( chuckling )
( sniffs )
So tell me about you.
How are you doing?
Oh, great. Really great.
So are you seeing anybody?
No, not really.
Well, you're working
really hard.
I bet you're putting away
a lot of money.
No, not really.
But I bet you get to meet
a lot of interesting people.
You did say things
were great, right?
I'm gonna get
a couple of Scotches.
Uh, do you want anything?
No, no, I'm good.
Yeah, of course you are.
So don't take this
the wrong way,
but are you having
some kind of seizure?
No, no, it's, uh--
I'm a little on edge.
I quit smoking this morning.
Ah, that explains it.
Let me guess:
you're at that stage
where you'd walk
on broken glass
for a cigarette.
I would walk on my tongue
on broken glass for a cigarette.
I know.
I quit two years ago.
Oh, it was like losing a friend.
No, no, no.
Friends come and go.
Cigarettes are always
there for you.
( chuckles )
Yeah.
I still miss that one
with my morning coffee.
Oh, God.
Or the one after
a really good workout.
Or instead of.
Oh, man, I could smoke
a cigarette right now
as big as my leg.
They should make those.
I-- You know, I'm--
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
I'm gonna have to go get a pack.
No, no, don't.
Look, if I can quit, anyone can,
and I have no willpower.
I swear, I think the only thing
that got me through it was sex.
( both panting )
I just remembered another
cigarette I really miss.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Morning, Margaret.
Good morning.
In case you're curious,
I still haven't had a cigarette.
Damn.
How'd you make
it through the weekend?
Actually, I spent a lot
of time in bed.
So, what's going on around here
this morning?
Um, Mr. Martinsen's in One.
Mr. Spencer's check
bounced again.
The x-ray machine
is broken again.
And your accountant called.
You're being audited again.
You gotta be kidding me.
Damn IRS.
I mean, what the hell
do they want with--?
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
I don't need a cigarette,
Margaret.
I have something
far more important.
I have willpower and I have
strength of character.
Hey, Dr. Becker,
I heard you say
you haven't had a cigarette
in three days.
All right. High five.
Okay, my bad.
But I am so proud of you.
I mean,
you're being audited.
That's exactly the kind
of high-stress situation
that would normally send you
running down to Reggie's
for a cigarette.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, you'd just light up,
sit back and let your problems
drift away in a haze of smoke.
I know.
But those days are over.
You're a non-smoker now.
Whoo-hoo.
Yeah-- Yeah, I'm--
I'm just walking on sunshine.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Oh, good. No patients.
I'm gonna go to Reggie's
and have some lunch.
It's 11:15.
Besides, you can't leave.
You have an appointment.
What? Oh, for--
For God's sake, Margaret.
Why--? Why did you schedule
somebody so close to my lunch?
You know-- You know,
I get hungry sometimes early.
Oh, here we go.
BECKER:
What--?
I-I can't put my appetite
on a time clock.
It's hunger.
Hunger has a mind of its own,
you know--
And how am I supposed
to be a good doctor
if I get all-- All wiggy
on low blood sugar?
You know something?
I just hope that whoever
you scheduled so close
to my being hungry
isn't coming in for something
that's gonna take much time.
I'm here
for my physical.
Mrs. Yudelson?
YUDELSON:
Yeah.
Come on,
I'm burning daylight here.
I know the drill:
go into the room, get naked,
and put on the gown
that makes my ass stick out.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Hey, Jake, how you doing?
Can I help you?
No, I was just reaching
for some Gummi Bears.
Hm.
I knew you'd cave.
I did not cave.
In fact,
I just got through examining
a naked, 80-year-old woman.
A lesser man would be shooting
smack by now.
Well, congratulations.
How'd you make
it through the weekend?
Hi, Jake.
Hey, Amanda.
Hi.
Hi.
Didn't expect to see you here.
Or you.
Well,
thanks a hell of a lot.
Jackass.
So having a good day?
Oh, Amanda, I know we were
supposed to have lunch,
but I'm gonna have to catch up
with you later.
There was a screw-up,
and I have to drive to Jersey
to pick up my freezer motor.
Which actually is a good thing.
That gives me two chances
to drive off a bridge.
Have any lunch plans?
Not really.
Well, I'm suddenly available.
Yeah, you wanna grab something?
I could go for something quick.
Hey, you know what?
I'm kind of hungry.
Wanna make it a threesome?
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Uh, Margaret,
I-I want to apologize
for being a little
out of control this morning.
Why are you wearing
different clothes?
I, uh--
Oh, I went home to change.
And your hair's wet.
I took a shower.
In the middle
of the day?
It's-- It's part of this--
This stop-smoking thing,
you know?
Stay clean.
Since when?
And why are you--?
Hey, what are you guys?
A couple of detectives?
All right, fine, you know.
I had sex
with a gorgeous ex-model,
Friday night, Saturday, Sunday,
and just now.
You happy?
John, please.
Smoke. Don't smoke.
Just don't lie to us
about it.
Sex with a model.
( laughing )
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Jake.
Oh, Reg.
Got your freezer motor.
You must be very happy.
Yeah, it's like Christmas
and my birthday
all rolled into one.
( door opens )
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
I mean, uh--
How are you doing?
AMANDA:
Great.
Look, Amanda,
I'm sorry about lunch,
but I am free for dinner.
Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry,
but I can't.
I got a client
freaking out in Miami.
I have to fly back tonight.
Tonight?
I mean, I thought, uh--
I thought, uh, you know,
it'd be nice if the two of you
could have dinner together...
tonight.
Well, it was nice
almost seeing you.
Oh, you too.
Listen, Reg, why don't you
come back to Miami with me
for a couple of days?
You seem like
you really need a break.
I'd love to, but I've got
to get this motor installed.
Plus I have 5 gallons
of sweaty cole slaw
that might not make
it through the night.
So you see,
I have exciting plans.
( chuckles )
Well, we'll see each other
again soon?
I'll try. I promise.
So...
So, uh-- Well, it was--
It was very nice to meet you.
REGGIE:
Oh, give me a break.
You sleep together all weekend,
and now you're
gonna shake hands?
What, are you British?
Bye, John.
Bye-bye.
Mm. Good luck
with the whole
quitting smoking thing.
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
See you, Jake.
Hey, bye, Amanda.
It was nice to meet you.
So you quit smoking, huh?
Well, you know, John,
all you really did
was trade one addiction
for another.
I know, I know.
I'm not proud of myself.
Well, I'm proud of you.
You had model sex.
That's like ten regular girls.
( door closes )
( items clunking )
Well, good night.
Yep. See you.
( items clunking )
Are you pissed at something?
No, I'm fine.
Well, I-I feel
like you're angry at me,
and I don't know
what the hell I did.
I didn't say you did anything.
Well, good.
Good.
All right-- All right,
I know what this is about.
You're jealous 'cause I had this
thing with your friend, right?
No.
Okay, yeah.
Well, maybe.
Oh, Reg.
Uh-- Boy, this is awkward.
Listen, I didn't know
you felt this way.
I-- I know I come
in here a lot--
It's not about you, you dope.
I'm jealous of Amanda
because her life is going great,
and mine's not.
Well, yeah, that's what I--
That's what I meant.
All right, what are you
looking for here, Reg?
The everything's-gonna-be-okay
speech, or--
Or do you want the truth?
This is not exactly
the first time
we've had this conversation.
I mean,
if you're not happy here,
do something about it.
Gee, I-I was gonna pick
the everything's-gonna-be-okay
speech.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, hell, Becker,
what am I supposed to do?
I'm an ex-model
who didn't finish college.
I have no options.
Well, uh, that's not true.
You-- You could, uh--
You could finish college.
Oh, right, go back to college
at my age.
I'd be real popular.
I could buy the beer.
How pathetic would that be?
No, what would be pathetic
is if you and I
were sitting here
10 years from now
having this same conversation.
Oh, college.
I don't know.
I'll think about it.
Well, I didn't say
it would be easy, you know,
but nothing worthwhile
in life ever is.
Too fortune cookie?
Kind of.
Yeah.
Well, you know what I meant.
Good night.
Hey, Becker, is it all right
if I tell you the truth
about something?
Oh, do you--? Do you have to?
You know, um--
Sometimes I really appreciate
having you to talk to.
Yeah, me too.
So if there is anything I can
do to help you quit smoking...
Almost anything.
Well, thank you, but I think
I'm under control now.
Night.
Good night.
( horn honking )
Oh, God, this is so much
better than sex.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Jake, you watch the news
this morning?
How many times
do I have to tell you--?
Rhetorical question.
Stay with me, will you?
They're doing this story, right,
on violence in America,
and they're interviewing
some bloated senator
from one of our great
trailer-park states.
Now, does, uh, Senator Gomer
advocate making guns
more difficult to get?
No, no, no, no.
He blames television.
You know, what about all
the violence that happened
before we had television?
I suppose
the Spanish Inquisition came off
a bad episode
of Gilligan's Island.
( cash register rings )
Oh, great,
now I'm out of cigarettes.
Perfect cherry on top of this
crap sundae of a morning.
Give me a pack, will you?
You know,
you ought to just quit, John.
Heh, it's taking years
off your life.
Yeah, but it's just those
crusty-old-fart years
where you walk around
bitching at the world.
As opposed to this whole
high-on-life Gandhi thing
you've got going on now?
Look, I need a new motor
for my damn freezer.
D-- Don't give me excuses.
I've got a kitchen full
of soured milk,
rotten eggs and purple meat.
What are you having, Becker?
Second thoughts
about eating here.
Give me a cup of coffee
to go, will you, please?
Just my luck.
The one weekend I make plans,
and this place
starts falling apart.
Oh, yeah?
What are you doing?
Well, my old roommate, Amanda,
is coming up to visit.
We used to model together
in Miami and--
Oh, my gosh,
she's so much fun.
We used to hit the bars
and play this game
called Catch and Release.
"Catch and Release"?
REGGIE: Yeah.
We'd get all tarted up
and let the guys buy us drinks,
and then at the end
of the night
we'd toss the guys back
and go home.
( chuckles )
Oh, that's a-- That's-- That's
a real pretty picture, you know.
Desperate women
scamming lonely salesmen
out of Harvey Wallbangers.
Yeah, you must have
been so proud.
I love the idea
of models at play.
Like two kittens
wrestling over a ball of yarn.
Nasty little kittens.
( coughs )
( coughing )
Gee, I think Lassie's
trying to tell us something.
What is it, girl?
He's trying to tell you
you're an idiot.
How can you be a doctor
and still smoke?
Hey, I'm alive with pleasure,
you know,
and knock it off, will you?
I'm tired of being treated
like a leper
just 'cause I'm a smoker.
I mean, look at this guy.
He-- He smokes.
Don't you wish they'd just
shut up and leave you alone?
( electronically amplified ):
Tell me about it.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Louis, trust me,
you don't need a bigger one.
A few inches here or there
is not gonna make a difference.
No, I don't care
what your friends have.
You shouldn't feel inadequate.
Well, then don't look at Joe's.
Just be happy
with what you've got.
I am.
Oh, what is it with men
and big-screen TVs?
Oh.
Margaret, congratulate me.
I just quit smoking.
Oh, no. Why?
Let's just say that
I've seen the future,
and it has no larynx.
Larynxes are highly overrated,
especially yours.
Margaret, I'm shocked.
You, of all people,
should be encouraging him.
Ah, you wouldn't be saying that
if you were here
the last five times
he tried to quit.
He was a lunatic.
Well, Dr. Becker,
I'm behind you.
In fact, I could help.
I'll be your sponsor.
If you get the urge to smoke,
just call me,
anytime, day or night.
Except tonight,
'cause I have a date.
And not before noon tomorrow
'cause I'll probably
still have a date.
And not tomorrow night
either because--
Well, just leave a message
and I'll try and get back
to you at some point.
See? Linda's behind me.
John, I want us both to live
long, happy lives,
so understand when I say
please keep smoking.
No, I can do this,
Margaret.
It's simply a matter of finding
alternative strategies
for coping with stress.
At least that's the crap
I tell my patients.
Should work for me.
MARGARET:
Well, here's your first test.
Mr. Ehrlich is waiting
in Room One.
Ehrlich?
Mm-hm.
Oh, I guess I just dreamed
he died.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
( whiny voice ):
So anyway, Dr. Becker,
I just feel off.
Everything hurts.
Yeah, as I've been saying,
Mr. Ehrlich,
it's all part of the flu.
I've got chills and a fever.
Even my legs are achy.
All part of the flu.
My nose is stuffy.
I have no energy.
Part of the flu.
And then there's the sweats.
Mostly at night.
The flu.
I guess that's why
they call them night sweats.
What would cause them?
It's the flu!
For God's sake, Mr. Ehrlich,
what the hell's
the matter with you?
I don't know.
Maybe I caught a bug.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Just get the hell
out of my way, will you?
Where are my damn cigarettes?
Sorry, John.
Linda called and asked Reggie
to throw them out.
And I can't give you a pack
because Linda made me promise--
Jake, don't screw with me.
I haven't had a cigarette
all day.
You know what
I'm usually like?
I'm more like that now.
( drawer opens )
Thank you.
( hoarsely ):
That'll be 3.75.
Damn you.
Two weeks for delivery?
From Jersey?
You said two days.
Look, I know
when you're in New Jersey,
two days must seem
like two weeks, but--
Look, just send it overnight.
I'll pay extra.
Jackass.
You always did have
a way with people.
Amanda.
Oh, my God, you look fabulous.
Oh, so do you.
So...
is this what they call
ghetto chic?
No, just ghetto.
Not quite our condo
in South Beach.
Not quite a condo
in Omaha Beach.
Amanda, this is Jake Malinak
and John Becker.
They're, um--
They're here a lot.
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
Ooh, you sound tall.
You smell friendly.
Why are we talking like this?
I'm blind.
And yet you're still staring
at my breasts.
Sorry.
Creature of habit.
( sighs )
REGGIE: So, what's new?
How's Bill?
Oh, Bill is scuba diving.
In Barbados.
With our dogsitter, Kristy.
Thanks for asking.
Sorry.
No, no, it's fine.
I got the dog. He got the bitch.
I've got a great new apartment,
a new job with a PR firm.
Speaking of which,
I've got a client
who just opened up
a club in Soho.
You wanna go?
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Or at least what I remember
fun was like
the last time I had any.
Great.
You wanna join us?
It's on me.
I'll go.
What about him?
Ooh, I don't think Becker's
into clubs.
I don't think Becker's
into fun.
Hey, screw both of you.
I like fun
as much as anyone else.
( loud dance music playing )
Hey, Sprockets,
smoke it or swallow it,
but get it the hell
out of my face.
John, that woman just
invited me to a party.
What does she look like?
The one in drag
or the one with the hump?
Don't screw with me, John.
I'm blind and I sell
Chiclets for a living.
Reggie?
She's beautiful.
Ah, thanks.
( chuckling )
( sniffs )
So tell me about you.
How are you doing?
Oh, great. Really great.
So are you seeing anybody?
No, not really.
Well, you're working
really hard.
I bet you're putting away
a lot of money.
No, not really.
But I bet you get to meet
a lot of interesting people.
You did say things
were great, right?
I'm gonna get
a couple of Scotches.
Uh, do you want anything?
No, no, I'm good.
Yeah, of course you are.
So don't take this
the wrong way,
but are you having
some kind of seizure?
No, no, it's, uh--
I'm a little on edge.
I quit smoking this morning.
Ah, that explains it.
Let me guess:
you're at that stage
where you'd walk
on broken glass
for a cigarette.
I would walk on my tongue
on broken glass for a cigarette.
I know.
I quit two years ago.
Oh, it was like losing a friend.
No, no, no.
Friends come and go.
Cigarettes are always
there for you.
( chuckles )
Yeah.
I still miss that one
with my morning coffee.
Oh, God.
Or the one after
a really good workout.
Or instead of.
Oh, man, I could smoke
a cigarette right now
as big as my leg.
They should make those.
I-- You know, I'm--
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
I'm gonna have to go get a pack.
No, no, don't.
Look, if I can quit, anyone can,
and I have no willpower.
I swear, I think the only thing
that got me through it was sex.
( both panting )
I just remembered another
cigarette I really miss.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Morning, Margaret.
Good morning.
In case you're curious,
I still haven't had a cigarette.
Damn.
How'd you make
it through the weekend?
Actually, I spent a lot
of time in bed.
So, what's going on around here
this morning?
Um, Mr. Martinsen's in One.
Mr. Spencer's check
bounced again.
The x-ray machine
is broken again.
And your accountant called.
You're being audited again.
You gotta be kidding me.
Damn IRS.
I mean, what the hell
do they want with--?
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
I don't need a cigarette,
Margaret.
I have something
far more important.
I have willpower and I have
strength of character.
Hey, Dr. Becker,
I heard you say
you haven't had a cigarette
in three days.
All right. High five.
Okay, my bad.
But I am so proud of you.
I mean,
you're being audited.
That's exactly the kind
of high-stress situation
that would normally send you
running down to Reggie's
for a cigarette.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, you'd just light up,
sit back and let your problems
drift away in a haze of smoke.
I know.
But those days are over.
You're a non-smoker now.
Whoo-hoo.
Yeah-- Yeah, I'm--
I'm just walking on sunshine.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Oh, good. No patients.
I'm gonna go to Reggie's
and have some lunch.
It's 11:15.
Besides, you can't leave.
You have an appointment.
What? Oh, for--
For God's sake, Margaret.
Why--? Why did you schedule
somebody so close to my lunch?
You know-- You know,
I get hungry sometimes early.
Oh, here we go.
BECKER:
What--?
I-I can't put my appetite
on a time clock.
It's hunger.
Hunger has a mind of its own,
you know--
And how am I supposed
to be a good doctor
if I get all-- All wiggy
on low blood sugar?
You know something?
I just hope that whoever
you scheduled so close
to my being hungry
isn't coming in for something
that's gonna take much time.
I'm here
for my physical.
Mrs. Yudelson?
YUDELSON:
Yeah.
Come on,
I'm burning daylight here.
I know the drill:
go into the room, get naked,
and put on the gown
that makes my ass stick out.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Hey, Jake, how you doing?
Can I help you?
No, I was just reaching
for some Gummi Bears.
Hm.
I knew you'd cave.
I did not cave.
In fact,
I just got through examining
a naked, 80-year-old woman.
A lesser man would be shooting
smack by now.
Well, congratulations.
How'd you make
it through the weekend?
Hi, Jake.
Hey, Amanda.
Hi.
Hi.
Didn't expect to see you here.
Or you.
Well,
thanks a hell of a lot.
Jackass.
So having a good day?
Oh, Amanda, I know we were
supposed to have lunch,
but I'm gonna have to catch up
with you later.
There was a screw-up,
and I have to drive to Jersey
to pick up my freezer motor.
Which actually is a good thing.
That gives me two chances
to drive off a bridge.
Have any lunch plans?
Not really.
Well, I'm suddenly available.
Yeah, you wanna grab something?
I could go for something quick.
Hey, you know what?
I'm kind of hungry.
Wanna make it a threesome?
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Uh, Margaret,
I-I want to apologize
for being a little
out of control this morning.
Why are you wearing
different clothes?
I, uh--
Oh, I went home to change.
And your hair's wet.
I took a shower.
In the middle
of the day?
It's-- It's part of this--
This stop-smoking thing,
you know?
Stay clean.
Since when?
And why are you--?
Hey, what are you guys?
A couple of detectives?
All right, fine, you know.
I had sex
with a gorgeous ex-model,
Friday night, Saturday, Sunday,
and just now.
You happy?
John, please.
Smoke. Don't smoke.
Just don't lie to us
about it.
Sex with a model.
( laughing )
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Jake.
Oh, Reg.
Got your freezer motor.
You must be very happy.
Yeah, it's like Christmas
and my birthday
all rolled into one.
( door opens )
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
I mean, uh--
How are you doing?
AMANDA:
Great.
Look, Amanda,
I'm sorry about lunch,
but I am free for dinner.
Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry,
but I can't.
I got a client
freaking out in Miami.
I have to fly back tonight.
Tonight?
I mean, I thought, uh--
I thought, uh, you know,
it'd be nice if the two of you
could have dinner together...
tonight.
Well, it was nice
almost seeing you.
Oh, you too.
Listen, Reg, why don't you
come back to Miami with me
for a couple of days?
You seem like
you really need a break.
I'd love to, but I've got
to get this motor installed.
Plus I have 5 gallons
of sweaty cole slaw
that might not make
it through the night.
So you see,
I have exciting plans.
( chuckles )
Well, we'll see each other
again soon?
I'll try. I promise.
So...
So, uh-- Well, it was--
It was very nice to meet you.
REGGIE:
Oh, give me a break.
You sleep together all weekend,
and now you're
gonna shake hands?
What, are you British?
Bye, John.
Bye-bye.
Mm. Good luck
with the whole
quitting smoking thing.
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
See you, Jake.
Hey, bye, Amanda.
It was nice to meet you.
So you quit smoking, huh?
Well, you know, John,
all you really did
was trade one addiction
for another.
I know, I know.
I'm not proud of myself.
Well, I'm proud of you.
You had model sex.
That's like ten regular girls.
( door closes )
( items clunking )
Well, good night.
Yep. See you.
( items clunking )
Are you pissed at something?
No, I'm fine.
Well, I-I feel
like you're angry at me,
and I don't know
what the hell I did.
I didn't say you did anything.
Well, good.
Good.
All right-- All right,
I know what this is about.
You're jealous 'cause I had this
thing with your friend, right?
No.
Okay, yeah.
Well, maybe.
Oh, Reg.
Uh-- Boy, this is awkward.
Listen, I didn't know
you felt this way.
I-- I know I come
in here a lot--
It's not about you, you dope.
I'm jealous of Amanda
because her life is going great,
and mine's not.
Well, yeah, that's what I--
That's what I meant.
All right, what are you
looking for here, Reg?
The everything's-gonna-be-okay
speech, or--
Or do you want the truth?
This is not exactly
the first time
we've had this conversation.
I mean,
if you're not happy here,
do something about it.
Gee, I-I was gonna pick
the everything's-gonna-be-okay
speech.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, hell, Becker,
what am I supposed to do?
I'm an ex-model
who didn't finish college.
I have no options.
Well, uh, that's not true.
You-- You could, uh--
You could finish college.
Oh, right, go back to college
at my age.
I'd be real popular.
I could buy the beer.
How pathetic would that be?
No, what would be pathetic
is if you and I
were sitting here
10 years from now
having this same conversation.
Oh, college.
I don't know.
I'll think about it.
Well, I didn't say
it would be easy, you know,
but nothing worthwhile
in life ever is.
Too fortune cookie?
Kind of.
Yeah.
Well, you know what I meant.
Good night.
Hey, Becker, is it all right
if I tell you the truth
about something?
Oh, do you--? Do you have to?
You know, um--
Sometimes I really appreciate
having you to talk to.
Yeah, me too.
So if there is anything I can
do to help you quit smoking...
Almost anything.
Well, thank you, but I think
I'm under control now.
Night.
Good night.
( horn honking )
Oh, God, this is so much
better than sex.
( upbeat blues theme swells )
( upbeat blues theme playing )