Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 19 - The Bearer of Bad Tidings - full transcript

( upbeat blues theme playing )

Okay, here's the thing.

I was up all night
with my friend

who got dumped by her boyfriend.

Yeah, and how is that
my problem?

Well, I didn't get any sleep
all night long.

She was crying and sobbing
and moaning.

The only way I could
calm her down

was to make her
a Coffee Surprise.

That's two parts coffee,
one part Jack Daniel's.

Well, what's
the surprise?



It's really five parts
Jack Daniel's.

So I'm really sorry,
Dr. Becker.

I'll get back to work.

I had a message
written down for Margaret.

I can't seem to
find it.

Was it to
tell her that...

Mrs. Cooper called?

Oh, my God, it's
like you read my mind.

Yeah, well, some are
easier to read than others.

Margaret, I have
a message for you.

Is it that
Mrs. Cooper called?

Wow, you people
are freaky scary.

I won't tell her if you won't.

It's a deal.
All right, who's up?



Uh, there's a Mr. Orvis
in One.

Orvis. Who's that?

He's one of
Dr. Heisman's patients.

So, what's
he doing here?

Heisman's on vacation, and
you agreed to cover for him.

Well, why did
I do that?

So that one day you could
go on vacation.

I-I don't go
on vacation.

Well, then you
screwed yourself.

( door opens )

Mr. Orvis,
I'm Dr. Becker.

How you doing today?

I'll be honest with you.
I'm a little ticked off.

I'd rather see Dr. Heisman,
but he's out of town,

so I'm stuck seeing you.

Well, he's on vacation,
so--

And I gotta say,
your nurse is kind of curt,

you already kept me
waiting here for 15 minutes,

and this office
is a dump.

Hey. I'm not that late.

You wanna tell me
why you're here, please?

I'm not so sure I want to.

Well, you must be here
for a reason.

Look, my problem is
of a sensitive nature,

and I don't feel comfortable
just blurting it out.

Ah, ah. Well,

would you like
a little, uh,

dinner, dancing first?

Ha-ha-ha. You're a real
charmer, aren't you?

I'm not the one
who walked in here

and called my place
a dump.

Excuse me, I'm upset.

I happen to have
a little medical problem.

And I'm trying to find out
what that is.

Well, I'm not so sure
we know each other well enough

for me to tell you.

All right. "Pain in
the ass."

Okay. So you guessed.

Oh, uh, all right.

Well...drop
your pants,

and I'll-- I'll take
a look.

Whoa, whoa. Easy, Cindy.

What's the rush?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you, uh,
slip into something

a little more
comfortable,

and, uh, so will I.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

What's that?
Oh, it's a little slow,

so I thought I'd borrow
a magazine.

"Borrow?"

Don't worry. I'll
put it back.

Okay.

( squeaks )

And now what was that?

What was what?
That sound.

I was just getting
the magazine to lay flat.

I can't believe it.

You're a spine breaker.

A "spine breaker"?

Yeah, you break
the spines of magazines.

There's a name for that?
Yeah, in the magazine business,

we have names
for all you people.

You got the spine breaker,

the page creaser,
the finger licker,

the thumb smudger.

All right, all right.
I'll put it back.

Jeez, this never
bothered you before.

Before?

Reg, you've done
this before?

Magazines are like lovers.
I mean, nobody wants to think

that somebody's been there
before them.

Well, when it comes
to magazines, I'm--

I'm just a slut.

Fine. Make fun.
( clears throat )

Mmm.

What are you doing?

Just browsing.

And how am I supposed to
sell it now?

What? I put it back.

Besides, it's never
bothered you before.

( intense blues theme playing )

I couldn't help noticing
that you only have coffee.

Elaine in Dr. Heisman's
office

always has a nice selection
of herbal teas.

Yes. A number of people
have mentioned that.

Elaine also has
fresh-baked muffins.

Yes, I know. A number of people
have mentioned that too.

When I had the flu,

Elaine brought me
chicken soup.

Homemade.
I love Elaine.

Yes, apparently
everyone loves Elaine.

Hey, Margaret.
Here.

You see these charts
from Heisman's office?

His nurse-- What's--?
What's her name?

Elaine.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Look at her handwriting.
It's like calligraphy.

I mean, you should try
to write more like that.

How's that?

Well, that's-- That's
not very nice at all.

Hi. I'm looking
for Linda.

( sobbing )

What are you doing here?
I'm so sorry.

I just don't
wanna be alone.

LINDA:
Oh, I would've

stayed with you,
but I had to

come to
stupid work.

Ever since Steve left me,
I just can't be alone.

Can I stay here
with you?

Sure, no problem.

Uh...Linda?

BOTH:
Yes?

No, no. I meant Linda.

BOTH:
Yes?

You're both
named Linda?

BOTH:
Yes.

I just got that same creepy
feeling I had in med school

watching a cell divide.

Okay, here's
the thing.

Remember my friend
I told you about

who got dumped
and was really upset?

( sobbing )

Yeah, let--
Let me guess.

That's her.
Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry.
She can't stay here.

Oh, she won't get
in the way.

In fact, she could
help out.

She could do
half of my work.

Doing half your work
is what you do.

( sniffles )

I promise,
she'll be okay.

You'll be okay, right?

No.

( sobbing )

She'll be okay.

( wailing )

Of all the things
we needed around here,

another Linda was
not one of them.

Uh, John,
wait a second.

( sighs )

We got a call
about

one of Dr. Heisman's
patients,

a Mr. Tompkins.

What's his problem?

He's dead.

Well, I-- I can't fix that.

Eighty-two years old,
chronic heart condition,

in a convalescent home
for the last six months.

He went into cardiac
arrest this morning.

You're gonna have to
call the family.

Oh. I gotta tell you,

that's the worst
part of this job.

I never get used to it.

Oh. Damn answering machine.

Yeah, uh, this is, uh,
Dr. John Becker

at 555-0199.

Um...

I-I'm filling in
for a Dr. Heisman,

and I need you
call me back

as soon as
you get this message.

Thank you.

Why does everything
happen to me?

It's a shame
that dead man

isn't around to
feel sorry for you.

( mellow blues themeplaying )

( door opens )

( ripping page )

What was that?

I just tore a coupon
out of this magazine.

You what?

Relax. It's mine.

I bought it down
the street,

and I can do whatever
I want to it.

Oh, I see. You buy
from someone else.

You just borrow
from me.

And now I am licking
my fingers...

and turning the pages.

Licking and turning,

and licking and turning,

and licking and
turning...

I wonder how many people
handled that magazine

before you started
licking it.

Uh, I think I'll
have a little lunch.

Maybe a sandwich?

Fine. What do you want?

A good one. That's
why I bought it

from down the street.

Oh, real nice.
Mm-hm. Mm.

Oh, and it's
your favorite:

cockroach, lettuce
and tomato.

It is not.

You'll never know.

( door opens )

( upbeat blues theme playing )

It was Steve's idea
to have a threesome.

It's not my fault
I liked it.

( sobbing )

Why are you
telling me this?

You said you cared.

No. I said,
"Tell someone who cares."

Don't you have a job
you can go to?

I worked for Steve.

( sobbing )

Linda?!

I'm standing right here.

Not you. Linda.
Oh.

Are you calling me?
Yes.

Didn't you hear me
calling "Linda"?

I thought you were
calling Lynda.

Oh. You know what?
I can't take this anymore.

Just for today,
you'll be Beth.

Oh, I don't like
the name Beth.

I do. Can I
be Beth?

Fine!
Oh, I changed my mind.

I wanna be
Beth too.

You can't both be Beth.

Why not? We're
both Linda.

I know. Let's pick
our own names.

I wanna be Margaret.
No, I wanna be Margaret.

I wanna be dead.

You know, these magazines
are pretty old.

Elaine gets new ones
every single week.

Well, didn't you read
Elaine's newsletter?

I don't do that here.

Well, gee, I read it
very carefully, and I--

You mean, she really has
a newsletter?

Margaret. The--
The guy who passed away.

Did his family
call back?

Sorry, nothing yet.

Oh, damn it.

Boy, I hate giving
people bad news.

Wish they'd call back so
I could get it over with.

John, look, I know how
hard this is for you.

When they call back,
would you

like for me to tell them?

No. No, it's
my responsibility.

I'll do it.

Would you?

No, no, no.
No, I-I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I-I'll call 'em right now,
as a matter of fact.

( tearfully ):
I mean, what did I do

to make Steve
stop loving me?

Well, you slept with
all the guys in his band.

I-- I was trying

to take an interest
in what he does.

( sobbing )

Oh, there, there.
Yeah, Linda.

I'm sorry.

Linda.

Hey!

BOTH:
Oh, I thought you were
talking to her.

Just-- Just
get out. Go on.

Dr. Becker,
I need your opinion.

Now, if you loved
someone--

And I mean really,
really loved--

Hey, hey, get out.
Go on, get.

I don't think he's the one--
Really deep love.

Like a soul mate.

What are you two doing?
I'm just trying--

I told her not to
talk to him about it.

( all talking at once )

Damn answering
machines.

Hey! Hey! Will you
please shut up?!

I'm trying to get
these people to call me back

so I can tell 'em
their father's dead!

( answering machine beeps,
dial tone humming )

That was not how
I wanted to do that.

( blues theme playing )

( mellow blues theme playing )

You just told those people
that their father died

on an answering
machine.

Even Steve didn't
break up with me

on the answering
machine.

Margaret, if you don't
get them out of here,

I'm gonna use one
to beat the other.

Out.

Both of you.

That-- This was not my fault.

No one said
it was.

I know. I know.

I'm just gonna
keep calling.

That way, when they come
through the front door,

the phone will be ringing.
They'll never hear that message.

You do realize that--
You're right.

That's-- That's no good.

I know. I-I'll just, uh,
leave 'em another message

telling 'em to disregard
the-- The bad message.

Did you hear what
you just said?

You're right.
You're right.

I know. I'll just
go over there.

We don't know
where "there" is.

Well, call 'em
and find out--

I heard what I said.
I heard what I said, you know.

Don't say it. Here--
All right, look.

The, uh, woman that
works for Dr. Heisman,

what's her name?

Wonder Woman?
Yes, yes.

Call-- Call her
and find out

if she has
any other numbers

for this family. You know, cell
phone, work phone, you know.

But d-don't tell her
what I did.

Uh, uh-- I don't think
she'd understand.

What do you care
what Elaine thinks?
Uh--

I don't know, but
for some reason, her--

Her respect means
a lot to me.

( blues theme playing )

I can't believe you told
someone their father died

on their answering
machine.

Will you stop
saying that?

Damn, John, that was cold.

And will you stop
saying that?

Jake can't really
help himself.

Being sensitive to
other people's feelings

isn't something
he does well.

Hm. It's kind of ironic
that Reggie should talk

about being sensitive
to other people's feelings,

don't you think?

Donut biter.
Spine breaker.

You started it.
No, no. You started it.

No, you did.
Oh, the hell I did.

What's going on?
She ruined my magazine.

He bit my donut.

Oh...you know,

I'm-- I'm-- I'm dealing with
life-and-death issues here,

and you two idiots
are having

some kind of
sandbox squabble

over God-knows-what.

I realize
it's a tired

and overused
expression,

but I really think it
applies here: Get a life.

You know, e-even just one
for the two of you.

You could share it.

( door closes )

( sighs )

You know what
scares me?

That we just chased away
our only paying customer?

Well, that...
and he may be right.

Yeah. I suppose we did get
a little carried away. Ha.

I guess we were just frustrated
'cause we were so bored.

Yeah. Well, we could put
our time to better use.

Yeah, instead of bitching
at each other,

we could...

think of ways to
improve our lives.

What else you got?

We could go to that bar
down the street,

get hammered and worry about
our lives tomorrow.

Much better. Much better.

( mellow blues theme playing )

( hitting one key )

♪ Oh, Steve

♪ You make me
Grieve ♪

♪ Why did you--?

♪ Why did you--?

Leave!

Oh, that's good.
No.

I want you to leave, Lynda.

Don't have to
tell me twice.

Not you.

You're not going anywhere
without her.

( Lynda sobbing )

Look, I don't know if
you've noticed, Margaret,

but Lynda's
a real downer.

( scoffs )

All she does is cry
and sing that song.

Which, between
you and me,

I don't even think's
a real song.

Get over there.

( weeping )

So how are you
feeling?

Oh, like I could
handcuff Steve

to the radiator
in his apartment

until he realizes
how much he loves me.

Great, you got a plan.
She's good to go.

( sighs )

Yes. Can I help you?

I think a better question
would be, can I help you?

You seem a little
frazzled.

Oh, well, I guess
I have had

kind of a rough day.

Things have been a little
chaotic around here.

I know how that can be.
( sighs )

You know what
you should do?

When you get home,
take a nice hot bath,

have a glass of wine,

and your troubles
will just melt away.

I know it sounds
silly,

but tomorrow really
is another day.

You're Elaine, aren't you?

You're right.

Yes. And you must be
Margaret.

I got your message,
but I'm sorry.

I don't have
any other numbers

for poor Mr. Tompkins'
family.

Here's the address,
though.

Thank you.

I'd go visit them
myself,

but this afternoon
I'm leading storytime

at Children's
Hospital.

Oh. Heh!

I thought maybe you were
gonna go and donate a kidney.

No. Can't do
that again.

( sobbing, hitting
piano keys )

Oh, my.
She seems upset.

Maybe I can help.

Hm. Knock yourself out.

BECKER:
Margaret...

did we get any other numbers
for the Tompkins family?

Oh. No, nothing yet.

But, uh, Little
Mary Sunshine

over there brought
the address.

They're out
on Long Island.

Well...

nobody should have to
hear that their parent died

from some jerk on
an answering machine.

I-- I'll go on
out there.

I'll see you
in the morning.

Okay.

My God, you're
psychotic.

No wonder Steve
dumped you.

Just deal with it
and move on.

Whore.

( door closes )
She makes
a lot of sense.

I think I'm gonna
go home

and start putting my life
back together.

Isn't Elaine the best?

"The best?"She just
called you a whore.

She did?

( sobbing ):
Well, I didn't
hear that.

( slow blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

Oh, please be easy.
Please be easy.

( doorbell rings )

Grandpa!

Oh. I thought you were
my grandpa.

So much for easy.

Um, are your parents here?

Mm, my mommy's here.
Come with me.

It's my birthday.
Yeah?

Did you bring me
a present?

No. Not exactly.

Mommy, this man
wants to talk to you.

Oh. Are you
the clown?

Because you were supposed to
be here a half an hour ago.

No. No,
I'm not the clown.

Um, is there someplace
private we could talk?

Oh. Well, I-- I guess so,

but I'm a little
busy right now.

I-I-- I'm sorry,
who are you?

John Becker. I'm--
I'm filling in--

Mom. When is
Grandpa coming?

He said he'd
be here.

Billy...I promise,

your grandpa wouldn't miss
your birthday for the world.

Cross my heart.

You were saying?

Um...see, I'm--

Billy, uh,
would you mind,

uh, playing over there
for a second?

I need to talk to
your mommy alone.

What's going on?

This is
very awkward. Um...

Obviously, you--

You haven't checked
your answering machine,

but I-- I'm filling in
for your father's doctor.

And...well, there's
no easy way to say this.

Your father
passed away.

What?
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.
I don't understand.

I-I-I-- I talked to him
this morning.

It happened
very suddenly.

I tried to get hold
of you all day long.

Oh, God.
I-I-I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

My father died.

( all gasp )

Grandpa's
dead?

Oh.

Oh, Billy--
I'm so sorry.

I didn't want you to have
to find out this way.

Sorry I'm late.

Happy birthday, Billy.

Dad?

Dad?

( eerily ):
I see dead people.

Wh-what's
going on here?

( tearfully ):
Oh, Dad. Oh, Daddy.

Dad, this man just told us
that you were dead.

He what? What the hell's
wrong with you, pal?

Um...is--?

Isn't this, uh,
1835 Jackson Road?

This is 1853.

Oh, well, you know some--
That is my mistake.

Um...

Boy, I must have
misread the number. The--

Uh, I-I guess I went
to the wrong house.

Boy, I'm-- I'm--
I'm so sorry. I really am.

You know-- You know,
you should, uh,

go back to the party,
you know.

I-I-- I didn't
mean to, uh--

I didn't mean to
intrude here.

Uh, you know, I--
I probably should--

And-- And you've probably
got lots of things to do.

You know, it's
a lovely home.

Get out.

Tell Billy
happy birthday.

( slow blues theme playing )

( horn honks )

Oh. Yeah.

Good luck.

( blues theme playing )

( upbeat blues theme playing )