Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 18 - For Whom the Toll Calls - full transcript

( upbeat blues theme playing )

What the hell is this?

Okay, I'm gonna
need way more hints.

It's the office
phone bill, Linda.

Well, that wasn't
a very good game.

No, not this. This.

I wanna know
who made the $11.47

call to Chico, California.

( both giggling )

There's a Chico,
California?

( giggling )



Is it anywhere near
Groucho, Nevada?

( both giggling )

Now, I hear laughter, ladies,
I don't hear confessions.

You really think that
I would rip you off

for an $11 phone call?

That is the most insulting
thing I've ever heard.

I bet it was her.

I didn't do it.

Couldn't have been one of the
patients 'cause we don't let

our patients use the phone,
right, Linda?

I swear, I'm rude to everyone,
just like you asked.

All right, all right,
if it wasn't one of us,

it wasn't one of the patients,

that leaves
the telephone company.



BECKER:
Oh, yeah.

They're gonna wish
they hadn't screwed with me.

By the time I'm
through with them,

they're not
gonna know what hit 'em.

Oh, John, you're not
gonna call them, are you?

Yeah? Well, what do you suggest?

Grab a few sticks of dynamite,
blast open that wallet of yours,

and pay the money.

So that's
not gonna happen.

I mean, you get 'em,
Dr. Becker

Oh, John, please, you're just
gonna end up screwing things up.

You're gonna--
You're gonna lose your temper

and alienate everyone,
like you always do.

What're you talking about?

Come on, face it,
you're not good on the phone.

You're not good in person.

You're just not good.

Not good? Yeah? Watch this.

Well, hello to you too, Wendy.

I hope you can help me.

This is, uh,
Dr. John Becker at 555-0199.

Yeah, it's about
my phone bill.

Well, there's a charge to Chico,
California that I didn't make.

Yeah, yeah,
that's the one.

You're gonna credit me?

BECKER:
Thank you.

Well, I certainly hope
you have a nice day too.

Well, what have we learned here?

A, you said that I couldn't beat
the phone company.

And I did.

B, you said that I don't
have people skills.

And I do.

C, I can't remember, C,

but I'm pretty sure you were
wrong about that too.

( blues theme playing )

What the hell is this?

Okay, I'm gonna
need way more hints.

It's the phone bill, Linda.

Well, I was gonna guess that,
but it seemed so obvious.

Mar-- Margaret,
the phone company lied to me.

This-- This is my new bill,

and the call to Chico,
California is still there.

Well, John, what have we
learned from all this?

What?
A, you were wrong.

B, you were wrong.

MARGARET:
And C...

Well, I can't remember, C,
but I'm pretty sure

you were wrong
about that too.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

Why would they say they're gonna
take the charge off the bill

and then not do it?

You know,
damn phone company.

You know what this is,
don't you? This is war.

John, don't be stupid.

Let it go and pay the money.

Don't you see,
that's how they get you.

A couple of phony calls,
a few extra charges,

the next thing you know they--

They've bilked
the American public

out of billions of dollars.

We've gotta do something!

John, it was only $11.

And 47 cents.

Even if it were a dollar,
I'd still be upset.

I know.

Oh, Margaret,
it's not the money.

It's the principle.

Oh, no, not the principle.

Not again.

Do I have to remind you?

The Thrifty-Mart incident?

I told you
never to bring that up.

What happened?

Not important.

The judge thought
it was important.

Channel Two Action News
thought it was important.

The mayor's office
thought it was--

Thrifty-Mart.

That was you?

Oh, my God, did you really
put a guy in a wheelchair?

He was in the wheelchair
before I ever touched him.

Wisdom like that, and they gave
Dr. King the holiday.

( blues theme playing )

JAKE:
Say, Reg.

Uh, Kira wants to know
what you're wearing

to Bonnie Bedrosian's wedding.

Bonnie's getting married?

Yeah, didn't she invite you?

No.

Oh.

Well, we've known each
other since we were kids.

Why wouldn't she invite me?

I don't understand.

Reg, it's-- It's no big deal.

I bet I know what happened.

She probably hasn't sent
out all the invitations.

I got mine a month ago.

But I don't understand.

I mean, if I was getting
married, I'd invite her.

Yeah, and if my grandma
had wheels, she'd be a wagon.

Shut up.

Morning, all.

I just came to say you're
looking at a brand new Bob.

Well,
except for you.

And I owe it all
to these tapes

"Ted Talbot's Ten Tips
for Total Transformation."

Wait, Ted Talbot?

That sleazy con man
on Channel 59?

Like Ted says,
"Ridicule is the last resort

for the truly helpless."

And, yeah, that's him.

Hey, Bob, they delivered
that blazer I bought you.

I thought you might
need it, you know,

in case you have
any job interviews.

Not yet, but I'm
only up to Tape 2.

You know
the difference between

successful people
and schmucks like us?

You mean
schmucks like you.

The point is Ted Talbot
knows the difference.

And once I'm done
listening to these tapes--

You'll no longer
be a schmuck like you?

Exactly.

I'll have the life
I've always dreamed of.

I'd say you have that now.

You don't work, and you live
in Linda's penthouse rent-free.

But that's gonna change.

That's why
I bought Bob the tapes.

You bought Bob the tapes?

I would've bought them myself,
but unfortunately Bob left

all his money in his ex-wife.

Well...

It's time to get on with
my day the Ted Talbot Way.

Number one, "Start your day
with a brisk constitutional."

Well, I wouldn't
call it brisk, but done.

Done?
You never take walks.

That's a walk?

Oh, skipping ahead.

"Do one thing each day
you've never done before."

Pay for your food?

Baby steps, Reg, baby steps.

I really think
these tapes

are gonna make a difference
in Bob's life.

I don't get it, Linda.

Why are you being
so nice to him?

Because he needs my help
to make a fresh start in life.

You just want him
out of your place, don't you?

No, it's not that
I want him out, it's just--

Yes.

So why don't you throw
his butt out on the street?

I can't just throw him out.

It's like that saying,

"Give a man a fish,
and he eats for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and you've
walked a mile in his shoes."

Close enough.

( blues theme playing )

Oh, finally.

This is John Becker.

And don't ask me
for my number,

'cause I punched it in
an hour ago.

I have your account in front
of me, my name is April.

How may I help you?

I don't need
your name, April.

What I need, April,
is for you to remove a charge

from my bill for a call
to Chico, California,

a place I've never
heard of and never called.

Think you can do that, April?

I understand you're upset, sir.
I'll credit you immediately.

No, no, no, no, you don't.

Look, they told me
that three weeks ago,

and it's still on my bill.

I'll be glad to drop that charge
if you'll just provide us

with some kind of substantiation
that you didn't make the call.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,
so that's your game, is it?

Yeah.

I suppose my word as a customer
in good standing is meaningless?

That's correct, sir.

You know what I think?

You know, I think Chico
doesn't even exist.

You know, I'll bet Chico is some
sort of phone company code word

for dumping bogus charges
on unsuspecting customers.

I can assure you, sir,
the call in question

is to an actual number.

Frankly, in most disputes,
the customer has merely

forgotten that they placed
the call.

Perhaps if you call the number,
it might all come back to you?

You don't think
I'm gonna do that, do you?

Sir, I just asked you to.

Yeah, well, I got news for you,
April. I am gonna do it.

You don't have any idea who
you're dealing with here.

Isn't this Dr. John Becker
located at 18--?

Oh, you know what I mean.

I'll show her.

( dialing )

Yeah, hi, this is,
uh, Dr. John Becker

calling from New York
to substantiate

that I did not make a call
to this number on the--

Oh, well, hi, Timmy.

Uh, can I speak to your mommy?

Oh, you-- You have two mommies.

Well, you live
in California, why not?

Any chance one of them
can come to the phone?

Hello? Tim-- Hell--

Stupid kid.

( blues theme playing )

Hey, Jake, did it ever
occur to you that success

was staring you right in the
face, and you just can't see it?

Now, Bob, don't take
this the wrong way,

but, uh, sit your
punk-ass down and shut up.

You know,
the pre-Ted-Talbot Bob

would've taken offense
at that.

But the new Bob is focused
like a laser on his goals.

And here's
two of them now.

You know,
I can't get over

not being invited
to Bonnie's wedding.

You weren't invited?

You were?

Practically everyone
from high school was.

It's like a mini-reunion.

Remember that exchange student
with the eyebrow and moustache?

She's invited?

Chico, California,
a sleepy little town

or the front for
a billion-dollar scam?

Reg, do you have any idea
what he's talking about?

Oh, what's the matter? Are you
worried he's not gonna tell us?

Good point.

I'll tell you exactly
what I'm talking about.

The phone company
is screwing me out of $11.47.

That's it?

It's not the money,
Reg, it's the principle.

Oh, Becker,
not the principle.

Didn't you learn your lesson
at the Thrifty-Mart?

Oh, what, like-- Like no one
else has ever been banned

from a retail chain for life?

That was you?

You really pushed a guy
in a wheelchair off a cliff?

It wasn't off a cliff.

It was down a hill.

For your information, you know,
the dumpster broke his fall.

I don't know why everyone's
making such a deal about this.

Because it was a big deal.
The guy was handicapped, John.

Why is it everyone
always sticks up

for the guy
in the wheelchair?

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

Oh, Linda, Tiffany's.
What did you get?

Bob asked me to pick him up
a sterling silver money clip.

What for?
He doesn't have any money.

It's a Ted Talbot Tip.

"Creative visualization.

Act rich,
and riches will follow."

Must be working.

He just got
himself a money clip.

Linda, aren't you tired of that
little man sponging off you?

He's not sponging off me,
Margaret, he's--

Yes.

Then throw him out.

I can't throw him out.

I'm supposed
to be helping him.

It's like that old saying,

"I cried because I had no shoes,

and then I met a man."

"And then you met a man
who had no feet.

No,
I think I'd remember that.

Oh, hello, Mr. Fuller.

Hello, Linda, I've got an
appointment with the doctor

to talk about
my test results.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, what?

Oh, not, oh, no,
oh, no.

I mean, it could be, oh, no,
oh, no, but we don't know.

Oh.

Your lab results won't
be in till tomorrow.

I called your assistant,
didn't he tell you?

No, he didn't.

God, that idiot
can't do anything right.

I tell you, you can't
get good help these days.

Tell me about it.

I gotta fire that guy.

Wait, so you'll
be looking for a new assistant?

Yeah, but I'm damned
if I'm gonna hire

another snot-nosed MBA.

I wasn't asking for me,
I already have a job.

But would you hire someone
who didn't even go to college?

Hell, I didn't, all I had going
for me was street smarts.

No, I need to find
someone like I used to be.

You know, brash,
arrogant and,

well, a little bit
of a pain in the ass.

A pain in the ass?
Yeah, well.

Have I got the guy for you.

I'm telling you, Margaret,
Chico is just a code word

the phone company uses
to screw you, don't you get it?

They think you
can't defend yourself,

but I'm fighting them, Margaret.

MARGARET:
This is Thrifty-Mart
all over again.

Boy, you're never gonna
let that go, are you?

I-- I told you,
it wasn't my fault.

You hit a man
in a wheelchair.

I was trying to defend myself.

You know, Margaret,
you never, ever let me tell you

what really happened.

I would love
to know what really happened.

Okay.

All right.

I was at the Thrifty-Mart

picking up a prescription
for a patient.

Right?
So I'm standing in line

waiting to pay
for the medicine,

and some cigarettes,
and-- And this guy wheels up

right in front of me.

Now, we're both adults,
so I say, "Hey, no cuts."

And that's
when you hit him?

No, no, no, first it was just
back and forth, you know.

Talking trash,
a little knee bumping.

Then you hit him?

No, then he hit me.

And long
story short,

he rolled into the parking lot,

down the hill,
and blah, blah, blah, blah...

Next thing
you know,

th-- There's a demonstration
outside my office.

I mean, they're actually
carrying picket signs,

and-- And marching
back and forth.

Well, not marching, you know...

All I know
is a simple apology

would've diffused
the whole situation.

Quit calling
that kid.

Pay the money.
It's only 11 bucks.

It's the principle, Margaret.
( sighs )

Which is why I'm gonna
go down to the phone company

and straighten this out.

Oh, no. Now you are just
asking for trouble.

No, no, trouble
came asking for me.

And now it's gonna get it.

You know, the trouble
that it was asking for.

Trouble is-- Oh, hell, you know
what I'm talking about.

( blues theme playing )

Jake, I've been
making some calls,

and I found out that
I am the only person

in our high school class

that wasn't invited
to Bonnie's wedding.

I'm so humiliated.

Yeah, 'cause you called
everyone up and told 'em.

Well, I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.

Reg, you are
at the bottom of this.

Not yet.

I'm gonna go over to Bonnie's,

and I'm just gonna
ask her flat out

why she and Dave
don't want me at her wedding.

Dave? Nah, she and Dave
broke up six months ago.

She's marrying a guy
named Sean Russell.

Sean Russell?

From high school?

Oh, well, that explains it.

I wouldn't invite me either.

Do you know him?

Well, you could say that.

I dated him senior year.

I dated his brains out.

Uh, Mr. Fuller,
why don't you have a seat?

I'm sure Bob
will be here any minute.

Ah, good.
Okay.

Hey, Jake,
have you seen Bob?

One of the perks
of being blind.

I've never seen Bob.

Sit down.
Sorry I'm late.

I was just reading
the Wall Street Journal

on my constitution.

That's a walk.

Bob,
this is Mr. Fuller.

This is my friend
I was telling you about.

How you doin' there,
Fuller?

My goodness.

Aren't you
full of energy?

Well, Bob, I certainly enjoyed
reading your résumé.

Well, I enjoyed
making it up.

Sense of humor, I like that.

Now take a seat,
will you?

You know, Linda's told me
a lot of good things about you,

and I think you might
just be perfect for the job.

Bob, you got a job!
I'm so happy...

for you.

So let's just cut to the chase.

Uh, how's 25,000 a year sound?

Great, he'll take it.

What kind of an idiot
do you take me for?

Bob.

If you want a winner,
you've gotta pay for a winner.

I like your style.

All right, 30 it is.

Great, he'll take it.

Bob senses weakness.

His price just doubled.

And I want a company car.
Bob!

My God, you remind me
of myself when I was your age.

All right, 40,000
and an expense account.

Great, he'll take it.

No car?

You can ride
in the limo with me.

A limo. He'll take it.

You get a limo,
while Bob carries your lazy ass

for a measly forty-large a year?

Bob!

Excuse me?

He'll take it.

Fuller, here's my final offer,
and it's non-negotiable.

I want 200 a year,

an expense account,
and a car.

And nothing cheap.
I want a Dodge.

Well, I'm sorry, uh, Linda,
this just isn't gonna work.

Uh, young man, you are insane.

Ticktock, Fuller.

He'll be back.

I'm blind, and I can see
he's not comin' back.

That's all right.

Opportunities
are like streetcars.

Yeah, there are none left.

Here's the deal.

Suck it up, get a job
and move out!

Smooth.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

WOMAN:
Thank you.

Yeah, I'm here
to dispute my bill.

My name is Becker,
John Becker.

My name is Susie.
Can I have your number, please?

555-0199.

And isn't it just
like the phone company

to reduce
everybody to a number?

And, yes, I'm aware of
the irony of what I just said.

What can I do to help you, sir?

There's an $11.47 call to Chico,
California that I did not make.

As a matter of fact,
until just recently,

I never heard
of Chico, California.

But, sir,
according to our records,

you've called there 15 times
in the past two days.

Yeah, I-I was just
trying to get proof

that I didn't make the damn call
in the first place.

And I would have
if Timmy had put

one of his lesbian
mommies on the phone.

Anyway,
you're the people who told me

to make the call
in the first place.

Oh, sir, I don't know
who told you to do that,

but that's not
our policy at all.

Did you get the name
of the person you spoke with?

Absolutely.
Her name was, uh--

Uh, her name was, uh--

She never told me her name.

But, sir, we're required
to give our names--

Now, don't "but, sir" me.

You know, the point is,
I did not make the call.

You know, I don't think
anybody made that call.

You know what I think?
I think that Chico

is just a phone company code
word to put phony charges

on innocent people's bills.
Hey, you know what?

Check your bills,
everybody.

You got Chico, California on
there, you're getting screwed.

Sir, sir,
please calm down.

I'll get my supervisor.

Yeah,
you get your supervisor.

Mr. Minditch,
you're needed out front.

You do that.
I'll talk to Minditch.

I'll straighten
everything out with Minditch.

Minditch.

How can I help--?

Oh, my God, it's you.

Becker!

Minditch. I-I mean, have we met?

You're damned right we have.

This is the maniac that attacked
me at the Thrifty-Mart.

( crowd murmuring )

We were waiting in line,
and he went crazy on me.

He's insane.

I-I've never seen
you in my entire life.

And you cut in line!

I did not.
You did too!

But he was in a wheelchair.

It was a very long line.

At least he had
someplace to sit.

( crowd gasps )

You don't know,
you weren't there.

You know something?
You know something?

I didn't call Chico,

but I'll pay for Chico
so I can get away from wacko.

What was it, $11.47?

Plus the additional charges,
that comes to six--

Oh, here. Just keep
the change, will you?

Oh, look at him go.

Not so tough when there's
not a hill to push me down.

CROWD ( murmuring ):
Yeah, yeah.

You know
something?

That's not the way it happened.

If you had the facts,
you'd realize this guy

doesn't have a leg to stand on.

( crowd murmuring angrily )

You know what I mean,
all I'm saying is that

we can't just let people
like him roll all over us.

( crowd murmuring angrily )

You know what I mean, come on,
you feel the same way I do.

You know, you talk the talk,
I walk the walk.

At least you can walk.
CROWD: Yeah.

Why is it everyone
always sticks up

for the guy in the wheelchair?

( crowd murmuring )

Did you Chico him?

Oh, yeah.

( blues theme playing )

( upbeat blues theme playing )