Beavis and Butt-Head (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - The Warrior/Vasectomies - full transcript
After Beavis is challenged to a fight, Butt-Head trains him to become a champion. Middle-aged Beavis and Butt-Head think their sperms are holding them back from scoring and decide to get vasectomies.
Ketchup kicks ass.
You know, it just doesn't
get any better than this,
Butt-Head.
These are the times
we will always look back on.
Hey!
Uh...
You do this?
Well, Butt-Head
didn't mean to, um...
He was, um...
Butt-Head?
Kick his ass.
Uh-oh.
You little punk-ass bitch!
You and I are throwing
hands after school.
3 o'clock in parking lot B.
See you there.
That guy is cool.
Maybe him kicking your ass
will be on Worldstar.
It's important that,
whoever you're photographing,
to understand that posing is
actually gonna bring out...
- So who is this guy?
- What's he doing?
Uh, well, he says
he's a photographer,
but I don't see a camera.
So you have a guy
in front of you
and you think,
where on Earth do I start?
Yeah.
"Where on Earth do I start?
His whole body is a feast."
"I mean, do I have sex with him?
"Do I murder him?
"I mean... or how about both?
I mean, why choose, you know?"
Now, body language
will suggest that
he's feeling uncomfortable.
"He's probably uncomfortable
because he just
saw me lock all the doors."
And actual posing, and
getting people to mirror you,
is the easiest way for someone,
uh, to understand posing...
"For example, right now,
I'm posing as a photographer."
- We've only met once before.
- We have...
"Now, we've only
met once before.
"It was at a bus station.
But I've met a lot
of men like you."
"Young, good looking,
just ran away from home,
didn't tell anyone
his whereabouts."
"Just ripening into manhood."
Now, here's the
before and after.
By the way, this is Jacob.
I call him a Disney prince.
- "See, Mom?
- He calls me his Disney prince.
He wouldn't do that
if he was a pervert."
So maybe just undo that.
"Maybe undo that,
maybe undo your belt
and drop your pants."
"Again, I'm not doing anything.
You're doing this
of your own free will."
- "You know what?
- Just for kicks,
"let's have you take off
your clothes.
- Yeah."
- "Yeah, let's get all crazy."
"Oh, you know what
would make a cool photo?
If you were tied up
in my trunk."
"You know, let's just try it.
"You know, if it doesn't work,
it doesn't work.
But I think
it's gonna work, yeah."
Framing the boys right now.
We don't want to frame the boys.
"Yeah, my next video
is gonna be how to pose
"a dead body.
You start out by posing
as a photographer, see."
Uh, didn't you go to
a photographer's house once
to take pictures?
Yeah.
Yeah, he didn't have
a camera, either.
Uh, OK.
Where'd you meet him?
It was just on the highway,
you know.
I was just,
you know, walking along,
and he pulled over.
OK, Beavis.
I helped him bury this,
like, big roll of carpet
he had wrapped in a blanket,
and, uh,
he said I deserved
a reward, you know, so, um,
I went back to his place,
you know.
Then it gets a little
blurry from there.
But then when I left,
he did ask me to forgive him.
I do remember that, yeah.
Yeah, good guy. Yeah.
Uh, cool.
- Hope you enjoyed that.
- We'll see you soon.
I'm scared, Butt-Head.
That guy's gonna kick my ass
at 3 o'clock.
Yeah.
This is gonna be cool.
Damn it, this sucks.
Uh, why don't you just
kick Steve's ass instead?
Kicking someone's ass is easy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You do it to me all the time.
I can, like,
teach you everything
you need to know to be good
at fighting before 3 o'clock.
Whoa, really?
Yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.
But if I am to train you,
I need your total commitment.
I need to know that
you're willing to do
whatever it takes,
no matter how difficult,
to kick this guy's ass.
Otherwise,
I'm not going to waste my time.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I'm ready, yeah.
All right, then.
I'll meet you in the gym
after my second lunch.
Here I am, Butt-Head.
Are you ready to
do everything I say,
- without question?
- Yes, I am. Yes.
Very well.
Then go to Maxi-Mart
and buy me some nachos.
- Um, wait a minute.
- How's that gonna...
Do not question me.
My methods are, like,
unconventional.
OK, OK.
Butt-Head!
Butt-Head, I see why
you made me do that.
Paying for the nachos
is the exact same motion
I can use to block a punch,
a-and carrying them over here
gave me the exercise I need...
No, that's not it.
Better go buy me
some more nachos
until you figure it out.
Here you go.
Butt-Head, I still can't
figure out why you're making me
buy all these nachos.
Uh, that's OK.
I can't eat anymore.
OK.
Let's see what you've learned.
Lesson one.
Ah! Ow!
You dumbass, you got
to hold your hands up
to protect your face.
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like I'm paying
for nachos, yeah.
Are your hands up high?
Yep, they sure are, yeah.
Good.
You didn't learn anything.
Damn it.
Steve's gonna kick my ass
pretty soon.
Maybe I'll just go, like,
hide until everyone leaves.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, let's find some
place to hide here.
Here we go, yeah.
Whoa!
What have we here?
Cones.
Check it out, Butt-Head.
There's no way
Steve can kick my ass now.
He can hit me as much as
he wants, and I won't feel it.
Come on, Butt-Head.
Hit me anywhere.
Damn it.
Wait a second, wait a second.
Um, Butt-Head, my stick's stuck.
I can't fight without my stick.
I think one of these buttons
can, like,
lower the basketball hole
or something.
Uh...
That should do it.
Wait a second.
Ah!
Help, Butt-Head!
Let go of the stick, ass-munch.
I'm too high up.
You got to lower it.
Damn it. Ah!
Stop! Stop!
Ah! Help, Butt-Head!
Dumbass.
Ah! Stop!
- Stop!
- Hold still, Beavis.
I got to get you down
so you can get your ass kicked.
Ow!
Ah!
Good job, Beavis.
Time to get going.
Do you feel ready
to fight that guy?
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, I think I'm ready.
That's right.
You're a different man than
you were at lunch, Beavis.
Yeah, that's true.
Thanks for believing in me,
Butt-Head.
I believe in you, Beavis.
I believe you're a wuss.
Is it time?
3 o'clock, Beavis.
It is time.
3 o'clock.
Um, where is everyone?
Where's Steve?
Uh,
he must have chickened out.
He probably heard about
how I trained you up,
and he got all scared.
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, that means
I'm the champion, Butt-Head!
I'm the champion! Yeah!
I'm the... ah!
You were the champion, dumbass.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Ow!
Community service sucks.
Public urination is,
like, a dumb law.
Yeah, really.
Plus, we mostly just peed
on ourselves, you know?
So like... so like,
where's the crime, you know?
Oh, no!
Did you hear?
Diane is having another kid.
Can you imagine?
No, thank you.
The three I have are enough.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Oh, I told Roger, if you ever
want to have sex with me again,
you better get a vasectomy.
Whoa, Beavis.
Did you hear that?
If we get vasectomies,
we can score with those chicks.
Whoa, that's cool.
But like, um,
what's a vasectomy?
It's an operation
on your nads, dumbass.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds
pretty good, yeah.
Maybe that's why we never score.
What's in our nads
is too powerful.
It scares the chicks away.
Whoa!
You know, it's amazing
our nads are so powerful,
because we've been hit
in the nads so many times.
That only made them stronger,
Beavis.
We trained them up.
We've got super...
And now your sperms are
getting even stronger.
Yeah, I can feel it.
It hurts a lot, yeah.
What's up, gentlemen?
So before we get started,
I would just like
to give you
an alpha M knuckle bump
for being so damn incredible.
No disputing the fact
that you're incredible
and can accomplish
great, amazing things.
But the only way you're
gonna be able to truly...
Uh...
Uh...
Commit yourself for the next
30 days to the alpha M...
You think this guy knows what
he's talking about, Butt-Head?
Uh, you can tell he's an expert
'cause he, like,
talks into a camera,
and he's all loud,
and he makes lists.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe he knows what
he's talking about, yeah.
Six things that you
need to pay attention...
Uh, I know six things
I'd like to pay attention to
right about now.
In my opinion,
to truly reach alpha status,
you need to be spiritual.
Now, whatever that means
to you, it means to you.
Whether or not you believe
in Jesus, Krishna, Buddha,
it doesn't matter to me.
Are those all the chicks
he's scored with?
Uh, yeah.
They all sound like strippers.
Yeah.
I want to get a lap dance
from Krishna.
Ooh.
30 days, I want you
to write down something
you are grateful for.
How many years is 30 days?
Uh, I don't know.
But the landlord said
to vacate in 30 days.
And that was about two years
ago, and we're still here.
Yeah, 30 days is a long time.
Now if you're somebody who's
already, like, exercising,
I'd like to give you
a knuckle bump.
Oh, yeah. Gotta exercise.
Time for my 12-ounce curls.
Feel the burn.
Butt-Head, spot me.
Mmm, yeah.
Never skip arms day,
you know what I'm saying?
The sixth pillar
of the alpha 30-day plan...
What's alpha again?
Is it like, something with
the alphabet or something?
Uh, no.
Alpha is like the gorilla
that gets to score
with all the other gorillas.
Whoa.
So he scores with
a lot of gorillas?
Uh, I guess so.
He just like,
goes down to the zoo
and just like, does them all?
Uh, yeah.
He's an alpha.
And then the other gorillas
try to stop him,
but he just beats them up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he spanks his monkey, see?
Gorillas aren't monkeys, Beavis.
They're apes.
So that joke doesn't work.
Try to be more careful
next time.
Oh, well.
If this means that you've got
to make up with some people,
or deal with some things
that you've been, like,
harboring and hanging on to,
gentlemen, it is worth it.
Uh, Beavis, there's something
I've been meaning
to get off my chest
for a long time.
And I just didn't have
the courage to say it,
but here goes.
Beavis, you're the biggest
dumbass in the world.
Ah.
Felt good to get that out.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah, up yours.
Yeah, I'm glad we connected.
Ah.
Me too.
Now let's have another beer
and watch this guy
bone a gorilla.
Say it, sister. Yeah!
Amen.
Ever reach alpha status.
So you're interested
in getting vasectomies?
Well, obviously.
Yeah, I mean, you know,
we want to score, you know.
Well, let me walk you
through the procedure.
Your body generates sperm...
Right here in the testicles...
Which are located
here in the scrotum.
Yeah.
It then travels through
the vas deferens...
- Uh...
- Huh?
On its way to the penis.
And then through the urethra.
- Uh...
- Huh?
That's in the course
of a normal ejaculation.
Um...
That's like...
Oh!
Ejaculation.
The procedure is simply to
cut and seal the vas deferens
right here,
and then you should be able
to return to your current level
of sexual activity.
Yeah.
Or more.
If you'd like, we can schedule
your procedures for Monday.
Any questions?
Yeah, yeah, um,
do you have one of those,
but it's like, a chick?
You know what I'm saying?
I do, actually.
Whoa!
Now this guy is cool.
Uh, we're here
for our vasectomies.
Yeah, our appointment was, like,
an hour ago or something.
OK.
So how long is this gonna take?
I want to score this afternoon.
These porno magazines suck.
They're just guys playing golf.
Gentlemen, we're ready for you.
It's a quick procedure.
You'll be able to go right back
to your normal routine.
I just want to remind you
to wait a week
before you ejaculate.
No, that's fine. Yeah.
All we're gonna do this week
anyway is score.
All right.
Go ahead and lie down,
and in a few minutes,
you'll no longer have to worry
about fathering children.
Fathering children,
fathering children,
fathering children.
Father, Father.
Yes, Butt-Head Junior
and Butt-Head Threenior?
Uh, Father, tell us about
all the times you scored.
Of course, children.
But what's this?
Mr. Head,
I'm here to hand-deliver.
Butt-Head Fournior's
report card.
Mm.
Parenthood is cool.
You're cool, Dad.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I am.
And you can play with our LEGOs.
Whoa, cool! Yeah, LEGOs.
But what's this?
Hey, look, kids!
It's the Butt-Heads.
We're here to kick your ass.
Oh, cool.
So glad we could get the
families together, you know?
Get him, son.
Hey, can I get anybody anything?
I've got some Dr. Peppers
in the fridge... ah!
Um, you know, um,
being dads might actually
be pretty cool, Butt-Head.
Yeah.
My kids would kick ass.
Are you ready?
- Uh...
- Um...
All righty, I've applied
the local anesthetic
to your scrotums.
The procedure will be over
before you know it.
So, um, kids are kind of
cool, aren't they, Butt-Head?
Uh, yeah.
If they're raised right,
like we were.
- Hey, stop!
- Whoa!
Stay away from our super nads!
Yeah, the world needs more
Butt-Heads, or something.
Yeah, I'm gonna have kids
someday, Butt-Head.
Even if I have to
never score to do it.
Uh...
my nads are numb.
Yeah, mine too. Ugh.
Uh...
Wait a minute, did you
just kick me in the nads?
Yeah.
I didn't even feel anything.
Whoa, I didn't
feel anything either.
Do it again.
This is cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, it's amazing.
Kick me harder this time.
Whoa.
- Now do me again, yeah.
- As hard as you can, yeah.
Wow!
I could do this all day, yeah.
It almost feels good.
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
That was right
with the toe, yeah.
Feels kind of warm.
You know, people say numb nuts
like it's a bad thing, but...
But this kicks ass.
Let's go find a baseball bat.
Chirp.
You know, it just doesn't
get any better than this,
Butt-Head.
These are the times
we will always look back on.
Hey!
Uh...
You do this?
Well, Butt-Head
didn't mean to, um...
He was, um...
Butt-Head?
Kick his ass.
Uh-oh.
You little punk-ass bitch!
You and I are throwing
hands after school.
3 o'clock in parking lot B.
See you there.
That guy is cool.
Maybe him kicking your ass
will be on Worldstar.
It's important that,
whoever you're photographing,
to understand that posing is
actually gonna bring out...
- So who is this guy?
- What's he doing?
Uh, well, he says
he's a photographer,
but I don't see a camera.
So you have a guy
in front of you
and you think,
where on Earth do I start?
Yeah.
"Where on Earth do I start?
His whole body is a feast."
"I mean, do I have sex with him?
"Do I murder him?
"I mean... or how about both?
I mean, why choose, you know?"
Now, body language
will suggest that
he's feeling uncomfortable.
"He's probably uncomfortable
because he just
saw me lock all the doors."
And actual posing, and
getting people to mirror you,
is the easiest way for someone,
uh, to understand posing...
"For example, right now,
I'm posing as a photographer."
- We've only met once before.
- We have...
"Now, we've only
met once before.
"It was at a bus station.
But I've met a lot
of men like you."
"Young, good looking,
just ran away from home,
didn't tell anyone
his whereabouts."
"Just ripening into manhood."
Now, here's the
before and after.
By the way, this is Jacob.
I call him a Disney prince.
- "See, Mom?
- He calls me his Disney prince.
He wouldn't do that
if he was a pervert."
So maybe just undo that.
"Maybe undo that,
maybe undo your belt
and drop your pants."
"Again, I'm not doing anything.
You're doing this
of your own free will."
- "You know what?
- Just for kicks,
"let's have you take off
your clothes.
- Yeah."
- "Yeah, let's get all crazy."
"Oh, you know what
would make a cool photo?
If you were tied up
in my trunk."
"You know, let's just try it.
"You know, if it doesn't work,
it doesn't work.
But I think
it's gonna work, yeah."
Framing the boys right now.
We don't want to frame the boys.
"Yeah, my next video
is gonna be how to pose
"a dead body.
You start out by posing
as a photographer, see."
Uh, didn't you go to
a photographer's house once
to take pictures?
Yeah.
Yeah, he didn't have
a camera, either.
Uh, OK.
Where'd you meet him?
It was just on the highway,
you know.
I was just,
you know, walking along,
and he pulled over.
OK, Beavis.
I helped him bury this,
like, big roll of carpet
he had wrapped in a blanket,
and, uh,
he said I deserved
a reward, you know, so, um,
I went back to his place,
you know.
Then it gets a little
blurry from there.
But then when I left,
he did ask me to forgive him.
I do remember that, yeah.
Yeah, good guy. Yeah.
Uh, cool.
- Hope you enjoyed that.
- We'll see you soon.
I'm scared, Butt-Head.
That guy's gonna kick my ass
at 3 o'clock.
Yeah.
This is gonna be cool.
Damn it, this sucks.
Uh, why don't you just
kick Steve's ass instead?
Kicking someone's ass is easy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You do it to me all the time.
I can, like,
teach you everything
you need to know to be good
at fighting before 3 o'clock.
Whoa, really?
Yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.
But if I am to train you,
I need your total commitment.
I need to know that
you're willing to do
whatever it takes,
no matter how difficult,
to kick this guy's ass.
Otherwise,
I'm not going to waste my time.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I'm ready, yeah.
All right, then.
I'll meet you in the gym
after my second lunch.
Here I am, Butt-Head.
Are you ready to
do everything I say,
- without question?
- Yes, I am. Yes.
Very well.
Then go to Maxi-Mart
and buy me some nachos.
- Um, wait a minute.
- How's that gonna...
Do not question me.
My methods are, like,
unconventional.
OK, OK.
Butt-Head!
Butt-Head, I see why
you made me do that.
Paying for the nachos
is the exact same motion
I can use to block a punch,
a-and carrying them over here
gave me the exercise I need...
No, that's not it.
Better go buy me
some more nachos
until you figure it out.
Here you go.
Butt-Head, I still can't
figure out why you're making me
buy all these nachos.
Uh, that's OK.
I can't eat anymore.
OK.
Let's see what you've learned.
Lesson one.
Ah! Ow!
You dumbass, you got
to hold your hands up
to protect your face.
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like I'm paying
for nachos, yeah.
Are your hands up high?
Yep, they sure are, yeah.
Good.
You didn't learn anything.
Damn it.
Steve's gonna kick my ass
pretty soon.
Maybe I'll just go, like,
hide until everyone leaves.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, let's find some
place to hide here.
Here we go, yeah.
Whoa!
What have we here?
Cones.
Check it out, Butt-Head.
There's no way
Steve can kick my ass now.
He can hit me as much as
he wants, and I won't feel it.
Come on, Butt-Head.
Hit me anywhere.
Damn it.
Wait a second, wait a second.
Um, Butt-Head, my stick's stuck.
I can't fight without my stick.
I think one of these buttons
can, like,
lower the basketball hole
or something.
Uh...
That should do it.
Wait a second.
Ah!
Help, Butt-Head!
Let go of the stick, ass-munch.
I'm too high up.
You got to lower it.
Damn it. Ah!
Stop! Stop!
Ah! Help, Butt-Head!
Dumbass.
Ah! Stop!
- Stop!
- Hold still, Beavis.
I got to get you down
so you can get your ass kicked.
Ow!
Ah!
Good job, Beavis.
Time to get going.
Do you feel ready
to fight that guy?
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, I think I'm ready.
That's right.
You're a different man than
you were at lunch, Beavis.
Yeah, that's true.
Thanks for believing in me,
Butt-Head.
I believe in you, Beavis.
I believe you're a wuss.
Is it time?
3 o'clock, Beavis.
It is time.
3 o'clock.
Um, where is everyone?
Where's Steve?
Uh,
he must have chickened out.
He probably heard about
how I trained you up,
and he got all scared.
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, that means
I'm the champion, Butt-Head!
I'm the champion! Yeah!
I'm the... ah!
You were the champion, dumbass.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Ow!
Community service sucks.
Public urination is,
like, a dumb law.
Yeah, really.
Plus, we mostly just peed
on ourselves, you know?
So like... so like,
where's the crime, you know?
Oh, no!
Did you hear?
Diane is having another kid.
Can you imagine?
No, thank you.
The three I have are enough.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Oh, I told Roger, if you ever
want to have sex with me again,
you better get a vasectomy.
Whoa, Beavis.
Did you hear that?
If we get vasectomies,
we can score with those chicks.
Whoa, that's cool.
But like, um,
what's a vasectomy?
It's an operation
on your nads, dumbass.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds
pretty good, yeah.
Maybe that's why we never score.
What's in our nads
is too powerful.
It scares the chicks away.
Whoa!
You know, it's amazing
our nads are so powerful,
because we've been hit
in the nads so many times.
That only made them stronger,
Beavis.
We trained them up.
We've got super...
And now your sperms are
getting even stronger.
Yeah, I can feel it.
It hurts a lot, yeah.
What's up, gentlemen?
So before we get started,
I would just like
to give you
an alpha M knuckle bump
for being so damn incredible.
No disputing the fact
that you're incredible
and can accomplish
great, amazing things.
But the only way you're
gonna be able to truly...
Uh...
Uh...
Commit yourself for the next
30 days to the alpha M...
You think this guy knows what
he's talking about, Butt-Head?
Uh, you can tell he's an expert
'cause he, like,
talks into a camera,
and he's all loud,
and he makes lists.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe he knows what
he's talking about, yeah.
Six things that you
need to pay attention...
Uh, I know six things
I'd like to pay attention to
right about now.
In my opinion,
to truly reach alpha status,
you need to be spiritual.
Now, whatever that means
to you, it means to you.
Whether or not you believe
in Jesus, Krishna, Buddha,
it doesn't matter to me.
Are those all the chicks
he's scored with?
Uh, yeah.
They all sound like strippers.
Yeah.
I want to get a lap dance
from Krishna.
Ooh.
30 days, I want you
to write down something
you are grateful for.
How many years is 30 days?
Uh, I don't know.
But the landlord said
to vacate in 30 days.
And that was about two years
ago, and we're still here.
Yeah, 30 days is a long time.
Now if you're somebody who's
already, like, exercising,
I'd like to give you
a knuckle bump.
Oh, yeah. Gotta exercise.
Time for my 12-ounce curls.
Feel the burn.
Butt-Head, spot me.
Mmm, yeah.
Never skip arms day,
you know what I'm saying?
The sixth pillar
of the alpha 30-day plan...
What's alpha again?
Is it like, something with
the alphabet or something?
Uh, no.
Alpha is like the gorilla
that gets to score
with all the other gorillas.
Whoa.
So he scores with
a lot of gorillas?
Uh, I guess so.
He just like,
goes down to the zoo
and just like, does them all?
Uh, yeah.
He's an alpha.
And then the other gorillas
try to stop him,
but he just beats them up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he spanks his monkey, see?
Gorillas aren't monkeys, Beavis.
They're apes.
So that joke doesn't work.
Try to be more careful
next time.
Oh, well.
If this means that you've got
to make up with some people,
or deal with some things
that you've been, like,
harboring and hanging on to,
gentlemen, it is worth it.
Uh, Beavis, there's something
I've been meaning
to get off my chest
for a long time.
And I just didn't have
the courage to say it,
but here goes.
Beavis, you're the biggest
dumbass in the world.
Ah.
Felt good to get that out.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah, up yours.
Yeah, I'm glad we connected.
Ah.
Me too.
Now let's have another beer
and watch this guy
bone a gorilla.
Say it, sister. Yeah!
Amen.
Ever reach alpha status.
So you're interested
in getting vasectomies?
Well, obviously.
Yeah, I mean, you know,
we want to score, you know.
Well, let me walk you
through the procedure.
Your body generates sperm...
Right here in the testicles...
Which are located
here in the scrotum.
Yeah.
It then travels through
the vas deferens...
- Uh...
- Huh?
On its way to the penis.
And then through the urethra.
- Uh...
- Huh?
That's in the course
of a normal ejaculation.
Um...
That's like...
Oh!
Ejaculation.
The procedure is simply to
cut and seal the vas deferens
right here,
and then you should be able
to return to your current level
of sexual activity.
Yeah.
Or more.
If you'd like, we can schedule
your procedures for Monday.
Any questions?
Yeah, yeah, um,
do you have one of those,
but it's like, a chick?
You know what I'm saying?
I do, actually.
Whoa!
Now this guy is cool.
Uh, we're here
for our vasectomies.
Yeah, our appointment was, like,
an hour ago or something.
OK.
So how long is this gonna take?
I want to score this afternoon.
These porno magazines suck.
They're just guys playing golf.
Gentlemen, we're ready for you.
It's a quick procedure.
You'll be able to go right back
to your normal routine.
I just want to remind you
to wait a week
before you ejaculate.
No, that's fine. Yeah.
All we're gonna do this week
anyway is score.
All right.
Go ahead and lie down,
and in a few minutes,
you'll no longer have to worry
about fathering children.
Fathering children,
fathering children,
fathering children.
Father, Father.
Yes, Butt-Head Junior
and Butt-Head Threenior?
Uh, Father, tell us about
all the times you scored.
Of course, children.
But what's this?
Mr. Head,
I'm here to hand-deliver.
Butt-Head Fournior's
report card.
Mm.
Parenthood is cool.
You're cool, Dad.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I am.
And you can play with our LEGOs.
Whoa, cool! Yeah, LEGOs.
But what's this?
Hey, look, kids!
It's the Butt-Heads.
We're here to kick your ass.
Oh, cool.
So glad we could get the
families together, you know?
Get him, son.
Hey, can I get anybody anything?
I've got some Dr. Peppers
in the fridge... ah!
Um, you know, um,
being dads might actually
be pretty cool, Butt-Head.
Yeah.
My kids would kick ass.
Are you ready?
- Uh...
- Um...
All righty, I've applied
the local anesthetic
to your scrotums.
The procedure will be over
before you know it.
So, um, kids are kind of
cool, aren't they, Butt-Head?
Uh, yeah.
If they're raised right,
like we were.
- Hey, stop!
- Whoa!
Stay away from our super nads!
Yeah, the world needs more
Butt-Heads, or something.
Yeah, I'm gonna have kids
someday, Butt-Head.
Even if I have to
never score to do it.
Uh...
my nads are numb.
Yeah, mine too. Ugh.
Uh...
Wait a minute, did you
just kick me in the nads?
Yeah.
I didn't even feel anything.
Whoa, I didn't
feel anything either.
Do it again.
This is cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, it's amazing.
Kick me harder this time.
Whoa.
- Now do me again, yeah.
- As hard as you can, yeah.
Wow!
I could do this all day, yeah.
It almost feels good.
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
That was right
with the toe, yeah.
Feels kind of warm.
You know, people say numb nuts
like it's a bad thing, but...
But this kicks ass.
Let's go find a baseball bat.
Chirp.