Beavis and Butt-Head (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Sad Boys/Are You There God? It's Me, Beavis - full transcript
Yeah, yeah. Uh! Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, lockers are loud.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa, Beavis,
Check out that guy.
He's, like, sad.
Aww.
Tristan, are you okay?
Whatever.
Things are just so...
you know...
I do.
- Whoa.
- Look at that.
She is going to town on him.
Yeah, take it easy.
What's she doing that for?
Uhh, I think maybe
chicks like guys
who have, like,
emotions and stuff.
I have emotions.
Like, when I eat french fries,
I have the emotion of, like,
um, these french fries
taste really good, you know.
Uhh, I think they have to be,
like, sad emotions.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, that's how they get you.
Always something.
Wait a second, Beavis.
We should, like,
start being all sad.
Then chicks will like us
and then we'll score.
Yeah, that's a great idea,
Butt-Head!
Yes! I think we're finally
gonna score...
Ah!
- Quit being happy, dumbass.
- You're gonna ruin it.
Ohh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry about that.
Won't happen again.
And this kind of cell
division is called mitosis.
Are there any questions?
Butt-Head.
Uhh...
I just wanna say that, like,
what happened to that cell was,
like, devadstating and stuff.
And I'm also deverstated,
and, um,
I'm feeling emotions
that are very sad.
Yeah.
- Yeah, check it out.
- Yeah, me too.
My soul is, like,
full of rain and stuff.
Oh, my. Hmm.
It sounds like the two of you
may be struggling
with depression.
No, no, no. We're just
really sad all the time.
Very sad, yeah.
Uhh... Hey, baby.
I, like, cry a lot.
You know what I'm saying?
Maybe a hug?
Okay, I'm going to make sure
that you boys
get the help you need, mm-kay?
These feelings of
"everything sucks,"
how long have you had them?
Uhh, since everything
started to suck, I guess.
Yeah, sorry, I couldn't
hear you because, um,
I was so busy frowning,
you know.
'Cause I'm sad.
Feelings of hopelessness.
Have you been sleeping
more or less than usual?
Uhh, I'm usually
up all night, like,
wiping away tears
of sadness.
Umm, yeah, yeah. Me too, yeah.
I feel sad all night long.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Boi-oi-oi-oing.
And have you engaged
in any forms of self-harm?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I self-harm
all the time, you know.
Over in Anderson's shed,
you know.
I use hand lotion.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no. It's no big deal.
If I hear him coming,
I can usually pull my pants up
before he gets there, you know.
He's kinda slow.
I need to make a phone call.
You two need more help
than I can give.
Whoa. I think she's
calling in more chicks.
Eh, she's just not woman enough
to score with both of us,
I guess.
Sadness kicks ass.
Um, Butt-Head,
I thought they were taking us
to score with a bunch of chicks.
We're, like, in a hospital
or something.
They said they're putting us
under observation.
We're already getting noticed,
Beavis.
Our plan is working.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe they want to
observe our schlongs.
Uhh, whoa. What's that thing?
That's the electroshock
therapy machine.
It stimulates the brain
with electric pulses.
- Uhh, stimulate?
- Yeah.
But you don't need
to worry about that.
We only use it as a last resort
for the most extreme cases.
Yeah, we don't need that.
We're gonna stimulate
the natural way.
Yeah.
Now let's get you
to your therapy.
Yeah.
All right, guys,
let's give a warm welcome
to our two newcomers,
Beavis and Butt-Head.
- Did I pronounce those right?
- Uhh,
we're, like, sad
and we're ready to score.
You guys all look
pretty sad, too,
so, um, when do we
start scoring?
Oh, we don't
keep score here, guys.
We're here to talk
and to listen and to share.
So let's begin.
Everyone hold hands.
Uhh, what?
Come on.
Uhh...
Hold hands, guys.
It's okay if you two
aren't ready to participate.
- No, no, we wanna participate.
- Yeah.
That's the only reason
we're even here.
Well, if you wanna participate,
then you have to hold hands.
Close, Butt-Head.
Try the hand.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Ehh, whatever it takes
to score, I guess.
- Okay.
- Ehh, all right.
- Super.
- The purpose of this exercise
- is to show that...
- Uhh, this sucks.
This really sucks, Butt-Head.
Now I really am sad.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Uhh, wait a second.
Remember that machine
that guy showed us?
Ohh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the extreme stimulator
machine.
Yeah.
Let's go use that thing.
Yeah, I'd rather fake score
with a machine
than hold hands
with a real dude.
Yeah, really.
I'm concerned about
these two new patients,
Bailey and Beckham.
They seem very depressed.
The constant laughter
is clearly covering up
a deep pain.
Uhh, well,
it's not the kind of scoring
I thought I was gonna get,
but it's better than nothing.
These must go here.
Okay, Beavis,
turn that knob thing.
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, cool.
On three.
Uh, one...
Uhh! Ahh! Ahh!
- Uh.
- Whoa!
I think you scored. Yeah.
How was it?
It hurt really bad.
And I think my nads
caught on fire.
Cool!
My turn. Yeah.
Scoring and fire. Yeah. Whoa.
I'll just put these in here.
One for you, and one for you.
Are you all right?
Uhh...
We're not that sad anymore.
We just need to rest.
Ah, yeah, I was really sad,
but now my schlong hurts,
so, you know,
- I'm cheering up or something.
- Yeah.
Being sad sucks.
- Carlos, secrecy...
- Uhh, what is this show?
What are they doing here?
It's that show
where people have, like,
a boyfriend or a girlfriend,
but they're afraid
to tell anyone.
I needed help because...
I've had enough of your lies.
Because you told me
you were tall and good looking.
Spencer, who said...
And Spencer told me
that's not true.
Yeah.
'Cause he told me
you were fat and short
and had a bad beard
and were really sweaty.
Is that true?
Who said that
you actually had a vasectomy.
It was on stage,
but I know there's...
- Ohh, wait a minute.
- He had a vasectomy on stage?
And then they threw
tomatoes at him.
Yeah, it's tough in here,
I tell ya.
Who's seen your mother
sending you payments for rent.
Let's start with
the vasectomy joke.
It's a joke.
I made a pun on vasectomies.
I thought that was hilarious.
He made a pun on vasectomies?
Uhh, how would you do that?
Yeah, I guess you could say, um,
like, uh, um...
Oh, oh, I know! Maybe it's like,
"Vasecto-me?
More like vasecto-you!"
Or... or something.
He was probably like,
"Knock, knock. Who's there?
"Vasecta.
"Vasecta who?
"Uhh, vasecto-big fat guy
with sweaty armpits
"and a bad beard."
I host sex parties.
Yeah.
You have sex
with other people on stage?
- No, no.
- No, no, no,
I'm not that cool.
I can show you.
Basically, we host these parties
where we sell sex toys.
Nipple clamps, dildoes.
He's like, "Okay, okay."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you
I'm the king of discount
butt plugs."
Yeah.
Yeah, gotta make
a living somehow.
My comedy sucks.
And I'm unattractive.
My parents know about this.
Here's a video right here.
Uh, I'm confused, Butt-Head.
So he's having sex parties
and selling nipple clamps
and butt plugs,
and that's why
he doesn't want her
to meet his parents?
His parents are proud of him.
He comes from a long line
of butt plug salesmen.
Including my great-
great-great grandfather,
Alexander Buttploog.
He came over
from the old country.
Old Buttploogia.
Bad, bad boy.
When he came here, he didn't
have a dildo in his pocket.
Just a butt plug and a dream.
And it wasn't in his pocket.
She's like, "Can we just address"
"the elephant in the room here?
What's up with your
sweaty, disgusting armpits?"
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you've been sneaking
around selling butt plugs
when you should be, like,
sneaking around
selling anti-perspirants
or something.
For four years, you've dodged me
meeting your parents,
meeting your friends,
going to half your comedy shows.
'Cause they all know
about this stuff.
Okay, okay, but, um,
I still don't completely
understand.
So, like, um... so he's like,
"I don't want you
to meet my parents
"until I tell you
that I sell butt plugs.
"Then it'll be okay."
His parents were probably like,
"So you want us
to meet your girlfriend?
Well, how many butt plugs
did she buy?"
"Wait, none?
"Well, then what's in her butt
right now? Nothing?
I don't wanna meet her.
Forget it. No."
Gonna have to figure out
a way to talk about this.
But I can't imagine losing you.
- What?
- Yeah. I sure can.
And I'm hopeful for you both.
Will you make me
the luckiest man in the world
and take my discount butt plug?
You are one of us now.
We're not losing a son,
you're gaining a butt plug.
It belonged to Carlos'
grandmother
until about ten minutes ago.
But we want you to have it.
Yeah, yeah,
you might wanna wash it first.
And don't worry, that dog
won't poop in the house.
Yeah, we've seen to that.
- Are you there, God?
- It's me, Beavis.
I know you're busy, like,
killing terminators
and kicking Jesus' ass
and stuff,
but I've been noticing some
changes happening to my body,
and I don't know what to do.
It all started
a few days ago at school.
Mm-kay, class,
today we're talking about
the wonders of puberty.
Puberty is a funny word
for when your body gets serious
about growing and developing.
Whoa.
Check it out.
That cat's got whipped cream
on its mouth.
You should, like,
get us some, Beavis.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, whipped cream kicks ass.
Here, kitty. Nice kitty.
Hey, it likes me.
So it's important not to
compare yourself to others.
In fact, I myself
did not go through puberty
until I was...
- That cat kicked your ass.
- Ow!
That's when I first noticed
my body was changing.
Mostly bleeding and stuff.
Boy, their mechanic uniforms
are clean.
Yeah, they're usually
all covered
with, like, grease
and oil and stuff.
It's probably just because
they're not fixing any cars,
they're just, like,
doing it with girls.
Here at TT&T Auto,
we won't fix your car,
but we will have sex
with your women.
- That's the TT&T guarantee.
- Yeah.
If we don't score
with your women,
your repair is free.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Our satisfaction is guaranteed.
Uh, ma'am, the problem
with your motorcycle here
is there's not enough butt
on it.
Yeah, it seems to be
making a funny noise, like,
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
Oh, wait. No, that's just me.
Now, where was I?
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
He's like, "Uh, listen, ma'am",
"we're not gonna
get that part in for two weeks,
so maybe, uh,
I could get my part in."
That's really good, Butt-Head.
Yeah, you know,
you're pretty smooth, you know.
It's, um... yeah, it's weird
that you never score.
I wanna get a job at a place
like this, you know.
If you got a job there,
you'd probably accidentally
repair the girl
and score with the car.
Yeah, you know, actually, um...
I actually did kinda
score with a car once.
Uhh...
What?
I didn't go all the way,
you know,
but I did get under the hood.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Uhh...
I mean, the car wasn't running.
I'm not, like, a pervert
or something, you know.
It was, like, consensual,
you know.
It was a '92 Ford Festiva.
Uhh, Beavis,
I don't wanna ever hear about
any of this ever again.
Okay, okay.
But it was a Festiva.
So, um, God, am I normal?
Today in gym class,
I noticed that my body doesn't
look like the other boys'.
I feel like everyone's
looking at me
because my body is, like,
different and stuff.
You know what that feels like?
Ahh! Ah!
It feels like my head hurts
and my skin is hot.
Also, water grosses me out,
and I wanna bite people.
Ahh!
Uhh, Beavis,
what are you doing?
Shut up, Butt-Head!
I'm normal!
Normal! Yeah.
Whoa. Son, you don't look
so good.
No! I'm normal!
Butt-Head, how about
you take Beavis
- to the school nurse?
- Uhh...
No.
Everyone leave me alone!
Stop looking at me!
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
Ahh! Ah!
That was cool.
I don't know what's happening
to me, God.
I just wanna be
like everyone else, you know?
I look in the mirror, and
my body looks so different.
I'm still Beavis on the inside,
but who's that person
on the outside?
And why are his eyes yellow?
And what's that white stuff
on his mouth?
Ahh!
Nobody understands me, God.
Not even Butt-Head.
We're getting reports
of a rabies outbreak
in the local skunk population.
- Ahh!
- Damn it, Beavis,
you're getting your gross drool
on my side of the couch now.
Ahh! Ahh!
Shut up, dumbass. Uh!
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh!
Beavis, I'm just gonna go ahead
and kick your ass
some other time.
Ahh!
Yeah, you could say I've been
going through changes.
I guess this is
all part of growing up,
right, God?
So, yeah, God,
that's what's going on with me.
Also, I can't see very good,
and my pee is red.
So, um...
What did I wanna
ask you again? Um...
It was, um, uh...
Oh, yeah, yeah, um,
can you, like,
make my nads bigger?
Yeah. That would be cool.
Beavis, I am not God.
I am a fever-induced
hallucination.
You have rabies.
Uh-huh. Huh.
Now, that's cool
and everything, God,
but my nads...
Yeah, can you make 'em bigger?
Beavis, your nads are perfect
just the way they are.
And I am not God.
Whoa, really?
Wow, wow.
Thanks, God.
I guess you're right.
My body is pretty cool,
you know,
just the way it is.
I don't know what I was
so worried about, you know.
Yeah, so it turns out
my body is perfect
just the way it is.
From now on,
I'm gonna stop worrying
and just be myself.
Ah! Ahh!
- What the hell?
- Ahh!
- Marcie, get the gun!
- Ahh! Ahh!
Chirp.
Yeah, yeah, lockers are loud.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa, Beavis,
Check out that guy.
He's, like, sad.
Aww.
Tristan, are you okay?
Whatever.
Things are just so...
you know...
I do.
- Whoa.
- Look at that.
She is going to town on him.
Yeah, take it easy.
What's she doing that for?
Uhh, I think maybe
chicks like guys
who have, like,
emotions and stuff.
I have emotions.
Like, when I eat french fries,
I have the emotion of, like,
um, these french fries
taste really good, you know.
Uhh, I think they have to be,
like, sad emotions.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, that's how they get you.
Always something.
Wait a second, Beavis.
We should, like,
start being all sad.
Then chicks will like us
and then we'll score.
Yeah, that's a great idea,
Butt-Head!
Yes! I think we're finally
gonna score...
Ah!
- Quit being happy, dumbass.
- You're gonna ruin it.
Ohh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry about that.
Won't happen again.
And this kind of cell
division is called mitosis.
Are there any questions?
Butt-Head.
Uhh...
I just wanna say that, like,
what happened to that cell was,
like, devadstating and stuff.
And I'm also deverstated,
and, um,
I'm feeling emotions
that are very sad.
Yeah.
- Yeah, check it out.
- Yeah, me too.
My soul is, like,
full of rain and stuff.
Oh, my. Hmm.
It sounds like the two of you
may be struggling
with depression.
No, no, no. We're just
really sad all the time.
Very sad, yeah.
Uhh... Hey, baby.
I, like, cry a lot.
You know what I'm saying?
Maybe a hug?
Okay, I'm going to make sure
that you boys
get the help you need, mm-kay?
These feelings of
"everything sucks,"
how long have you had them?
Uhh, since everything
started to suck, I guess.
Yeah, sorry, I couldn't
hear you because, um,
I was so busy frowning,
you know.
'Cause I'm sad.
Feelings of hopelessness.
Have you been sleeping
more or less than usual?
Uhh, I'm usually
up all night, like,
wiping away tears
of sadness.
Umm, yeah, yeah. Me too, yeah.
I feel sad all night long.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Boi-oi-oi-oing.
And have you engaged
in any forms of self-harm?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I self-harm
all the time, you know.
Over in Anderson's shed,
you know.
I use hand lotion.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no. It's no big deal.
If I hear him coming,
I can usually pull my pants up
before he gets there, you know.
He's kinda slow.
I need to make a phone call.
You two need more help
than I can give.
Whoa. I think she's
calling in more chicks.
Eh, she's just not woman enough
to score with both of us,
I guess.
Sadness kicks ass.
Um, Butt-Head,
I thought they were taking us
to score with a bunch of chicks.
We're, like, in a hospital
or something.
They said they're putting us
under observation.
We're already getting noticed,
Beavis.
Our plan is working.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe they want to
observe our schlongs.
Uhh, whoa. What's that thing?
That's the electroshock
therapy machine.
It stimulates the brain
with electric pulses.
- Uhh, stimulate?
- Yeah.
But you don't need
to worry about that.
We only use it as a last resort
for the most extreme cases.
Yeah, we don't need that.
We're gonna stimulate
the natural way.
Yeah.
Now let's get you
to your therapy.
Yeah.
All right, guys,
let's give a warm welcome
to our two newcomers,
Beavis and Butt-Head.
- Did I pronounce those right?
- Uhh,
we're, like, sad
and we're ready to score.
You guys all look
pretty sad, too,
so, um, when do we
start scoring?
Oh, we don't
keep score here, guys.
We're here to talk
and to listen and to share.
So let's begin.
Everyone hold hands.
Uhh, what?
Come on.
Uhh...
Hold hands, guys.
It's okay if you two
aren't ready to participate.
- No, no, we wanna participate.
- Yeah.
That's the only reason
we're even here.
Well, if you wanna participate,
then you have to hold hands.
Close, Butt-Head.
Try the hand.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Ehh, whatever it takes
to score, I guess.
- Okay.
- Ehh, all right.
- Super.
- The purpose of this exercise
- is to show that...
- Uhh, this sucks.
This really sucks, Butt-Head.
Now I really am sad.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Uhh, wait a second.
Remember that machine
that guy showed us?
Ohh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the extreme stimulator
machine.
Yeah.
Let's go use that thing.
Yeah, I'd rather fake score
with a machine
than hold hands
with a real dude.
Yeah, really.
I'm concerned about
these two new patients,
Bailey and Beckham.
They seem very depressed.
The constant laughter
is clearly covering up
a deep pain.
Uhh, well,
it's not the kind of scoring
I thought I was gonna get,
but it's better than nothing.
These must go here.
Okay, Beavis,
turn that knob thing.
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, cool.
On three.
Uh, one...
Uhh! Ahh! Ahh!
- Uh.
- Whoa!
I think you scored. Yeah.
How was it?
It hurt really bad.
And I think my nads
caught on fire.
Cool!
My turn. Yeah.
Scoring and fire. Yeah. Whoa.
I'll just put these in here.
One for you, and one for you.
Are you all right?
Uhh...
We're not that sad anymore.
We just need to rest.
Ah, yeah, I was really sad,
but now my schlong hurts,
so, you know,
- I'm cheering up or something.
- Yeah.
Being sad sucks.
- Carlos, secrecy...
- Uhh, what is this show?
What are they doing here?
It's that show
where people have, like,
a boyfriend or a girlfriend,
but they're afraid
to tell anyone.
I needed help because...
I've had enough of your lies.
Because you told me
you were tall and good looking.
Spencer, who said...
And Spencer told me
that's not true.
Yeah.
'Cause he told me
you were fat and short
and had a bad beard
and were really sweaty.
Is that true?
Who said that
you actually had a vasectomy.
It was on stage,
but I know there's...
- Ohh, wait a minute.
- He had a vasectomy on stage?
And then they threw
tomatoes at him.
Yeah, it's tough in here,
I tell ya.
Who's seen your mother
sending you payments for rent.
Let's start with
the vasectomy joke.
It's a joke.
I made a pun on vasectomies.
I thought that was hilarious.
He made a pun on vasectomies?
Uhh, how would you do that?
Yeah, I guess you could say, um,
like, uh, um...
Oh, oh, I know! Maybe it's like,
"Vasecto-me?
More like vasecto-you!"
Or... or something.
He was probably like,
"Knock, knock. Who's there?
"Vasecta.
"Vasecta who?
"Uhh, vasecto-big fat guy
with sweaty armpits
"and a bad beard."
I host sex parties.
Yeah.
You have sex
with other people on stage?
- No, no.
- No, no, no,
I'm not that cool.
I can show you.
Basically, we host these parties
where we sell sex toys.
Nipple clamps, dildoes.
He's like, "Okay, okay."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you
I'm the king of discount
butt plugs."
Yeah.
Yeah, gotta make
a living somehow.
My comedy sucks.
And I'm unattractive.
My parents know about this.
Here's a video right here.
Uh, I'm confused, Butt-Head.
So he's having sex parties
and selling nipple clamps
and butt plugs,
and that's why
he doesn't want her
to meet his parents?
His parents are proud of him.
He comes from a long line
of butt plug salesmen.
Including my great-
great-great grandfather,
Alexander Buttploog.
He came over
from the old country.
Old Buttploogia.
Bad, bad boy.
When he came here, he didn't
have a dildo in his pocket.
Just a butt plug and a dream.
And it wasn't in his pocket.
She's like, "Can we just address"
"the elephant in the room here?
What's up with your
sweaty, disgusting armpits?"
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you've been sneaking
around selling butt plugs
when you should be, like,
sneaking around
selling anti-perspirants
or something.
For four years, you've dodged me
meeting your parents,
meeting your friends,
going to half your comedy shows.
'Cause they all know
about this stuff.
Okay, okay, but, um,
I still don't completely
understand.
So, like, um... so he's like,
"I don't want you
to meet my parents
"until I tell you
that I sell butt plugs.
"Then it'll be okay."
His parents were probably like,
"So you want us
to meet your girlfriend?
Well, how many butt plugs
did she buy?"
"Wait, none?
"Well, then what's in her butt
right now? Nothing?
I don't wanna meet her.
Forget it. No."
Gonna have to figure out
a way to talk about this.
But I can't imagine losing you.
- What?
- Yeah. I sure can.
And I'm hopeful for you both.
Will you make me
the luckiest man in the world
and take my discount butt plug?
You are one of us now.
We're not losing a son,
you're gaining a butt plug.
It belonged to Carlos'
grandmother
until about ten minutes ago.
But we want you to have it.
Yeah, yeah,
you might wanna wash it first.
And don't worry, that dog
won't poop in the house.
Yeah, we've seen to that.
- Are you there, God?
- It's me, Beavis.
I know you're busy, like,
killing terminators
and kicking Jesus' ass
and stuff,
but I've been noticing some
changes happening to my body,
and I don't know what to do.
It all started
a few days ago at school.
Mm-kay, class,
today we're talking about
the wonders of puberty.
Puberty is a funny word
for when your body gets serious
about growing and developing.
Whoa.
Check it out.
That cat's got whipped cream
on its mouth.
You should, like,
get us some, Beavis.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, whipped cream kicks ass.
Here, kitty. Nice kitty.
Hey, it likes me.
So it's important not to
compare yourself to others.
In fact, I myself
did not go through puberty
until I was...
- That cat kicked your ass.
- Ow!
That's when I first noticed
my body was changing.
Mostly bleeding and stuff.
Boy, their mechanic uniforms
are clean.
Yeah, they're usually
all covered
with, like, grease
and oil and stuff.
It's probably just because
they're not fixing any cars,
they're just, like,
doing it with girls.
Here at TT&T Auto,
we won't fix your car,
but we will have sex
with your women.
- That's the TT&T guarantee.
- Yeah.
If we don't score
with your women,
your repair is free.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Our satisfaction is guaranteed.
Uh, ma'am, the problem
with your motorcycle here
is there's not enough butt
on it.
Yeah, it seems to be
making a funny noise, like,
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
Oh, wait. No, that's just me.
Now, where was I?
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
He's like, "Uh, listen, ma'am",
"we're not gonna
get that part in for two weeks,
so maybe, uh,
I could get my part in."
That's really good, Butt-Head.
Yeah, you know,
you're pretty smooth, you know.
It's, um... yeah, it's weird
that you never score.
I wanna get a job at a place
like this, you know.
If you got a job there,
you'd probably accidentally
repair the girl
and score with the car.
Yeah, you know, actually, um...
I actually did kinda
score with a car once.
Uhh...
What?
I didn't go all the way,
you know,
but I did get under the hood.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Uhh...
I mean, the car wasn't running.
I'm not, like, a pervert
or something, you know.
It was, like, consensual,
you know.
It was a '92 Ford Festiva.
Uhh, Beavis,
I don't wanna ever hear about
any of this ever again.
Okay, okay.
But it was a Festiva.
So, um, God, am I normal?
Today in gym class,
I noticed that my body doesn't
look like the other boys'.
I feel like everyone's
looking at me
because my body is, like,
different and stuff.
You know what that feels like?
Ahh! Ah!
It feels like my head hurts
and my skin is hot.
Also, water grosses me out,
and I wanna bite people.
Ahh!
Uhh, Beavis,
what are you doing?
Shut up, Butt-Head!
I'm normal!
Normal! Yeah.
Whoa. Son, you don't look
so good.
No! I'm normal!
Butt-Head, how about
you take Beavis
- to the school nurse?
- Uhh...
No.
Everyone leave me alone!
Stop looking at me!
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
Ahh! Ah!
That was cool.
I don't know what's happening
to me, God.
I just wanna be
like everyone else, you know?
I look in the mirror, and
my body looks so different.
I'm still Beavis on the inside,
but who's that person
on the outside?
And why are his eyes yellow?
And what's that white stuff
on his mouth?
Ahh!
Nobody understands me, God.
Not even Butt-Head.
We're getting reports
of a rabies outbreak
in the local skunk population.
- Ahh!
- Damn it, Beavis,
you're getting your gross drool
on my side of the couch now.
Ahh! Ahh!
Shut up, dumbass. Uh!
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh!
Beavis, I'm just gonna go ahead
and kick your ass
some other time.
Ahh!
Yeah, you could say I've been
going through changes.
I guess this is
all part of growing up,
right, God?
So, yeah, God,
that's what's going on with me.
Also, I can't see very good,
and my pee is red.
So, um...
What did I wanna
ask you again? Um...
It was, um, uh...
Oh, yeah, yeah, um,
can you, like,
make my nads bigger?
Yeah. That would be cool.
Beavis, I am not God.
I am a fever-induced
hallucination.
You have rabies.
Uh-huh. Huh.
Now, that's cool
and everything, God,
but my nads...
Yeah, can you make 'em bigger?
Beavis, your nads are perfect
just the way they are.
And I am not God.
Whoa, really?
Wow, wow.
Thanks, God.
I guess you're right.
My body is pretty cool,
you know,
just the way it is.
I don't know what I was
so worried about, you know.
Yeah, so it turns out
my body is perfect
just the way it is.
From now on,
I'm gonna stop worrying
and just be myself.
Ah! Ahh!
- What the hell?
- Ahh!
- Marcie, get the gun!
- Ahh! Ahh!
Chirp.