Beavis and Butt-Head (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Most Dangerous Game/Bone Hunters - full transcript
Today we're talking
about fossils.
Okay?
And a fossil, class,
is really just another name
for an ancient bone.
But what you may not know
is that these bony messengers
from the past
can be found
in our own backyard.
Recently, not far from here,
a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton
was found
by amateur bone hunters.
Beavis' mom
is an amateur bone hunter.
Shut up, Butt-Head.
That's not funny.
And while they may not have
the glitz
of popular youth culture,
dinosaur exhibits bring in
millions of dollars
for the American
Paleontological Foundation...
Uh, sir?
Sir! Hey!
What was the part
about a million dollars?
More like millions, Butt-Head.
You know, a good research
project would be to find...
Beavis, our hard work
in school is about to pay off.
Yeah, finally.
Jesus.
Eh, sorry, Butt-Head.
Anderson only had one shovel.
One is all we need, Beavis.
Now start digging.
Van Driessen said we'd find
them in our own backyard.
Um, I don't see
any bones, Butt-Head.
Beavis, you wuss.
You're not digging good.
Step aside.
You got to put your back
into it, dumbass, like this.
Beavis, we'll find
no dinosaurs here.
If it's this hard for us to dig,
there's no way the dinosaurs
could have dug their houses
with those wimpy little
kangaroo arms.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, those dumbass bones got
to be in somebody's backyard.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, a bone!
It's just like that
dinosaur bone we saw in class
but newer.
That butt-munch dog
stole our idea.
Damn it.
Come on, give it.
It's mine.
What are you going to do
with a million dollars, butthole?
Whoa, bones.
Yeah, we don't even have to dig.
That stupid dog did
all our work for us.
He even put them in bags.
Yeah, there's still
some dinosaur on this one.
Not bad really.
Wait, what's this show called?
Uh, this is "Ghosted."
So is there a ghost
on that chair?
No.
That dude there,
he like, ghosted her.
And so now they're going
to like, find out why
and then work it out
or something,
or settle it in the cage
or something.
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you like,
spend the holidays with me?
I was your girlfriend.
Boy, she must have
done something
really bad for him to ghost her.
Yeah, she probably
like, killed his dog
and slapped his mom
and stuff, you know?
And even then though,
I still don't think
I'd ghost her, Butt-Head.
Yeah, this better be good.
This is really embarrassing.
We got to pay attention.
The real reason
I ghosted you, Giovanna,
is because you're a sex addict.
What?
Uh, what?
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Whoa, whoa.
You know, it almost
sounded like he said
she wants to have sex too much,
and that's why
he broke up with her.
Uh, that can't be right.
Girl, you're like a rabbit.
Like, you just, ,
,
.
Wait, he is!
He is complaining!
- You're pathetic.
- What?
- You're for real pathetic.
- He's complaining about that?
This is the dumbest dude
I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, he's not just dumb,
Butt-Head.
He's a lousy son of a bitch!
Yeah.
- He sure is.
- How dare he!
I mean, some of us,
you know, like me,
don't have any sex, ever.
And he's sitting there
with his man bun
and complaining about
having too much sex?
Jesus Christ.
Multiple times a day, every day.
I don't know what
number multiple is,
but it's better than zero.
Exactly.
There's starving kids
in poor countries,
and they probably get to score,
but I don't.
And look at this guy.
Who does he think he is?
For once, I'm not going
to say settle down, Beavis.
You're absolutely right.
I hate him!
I hate him, Butt-Head!
Shut up!
- That's right, Beavis.
Shut up!
Shut up, you butt monkey!
- Kick his ass.
Lousy son of a bitch.
Teach him a lesson.
There you go.
You don't want to score?
Well, how about not scoring
with some of this?
Yes.
That's how you
take care of that.
That'll teach him a lesson.
That was cool.
Sorry, sorry.
Yeah, I just really hated him,
Butt-Head, you know?
We don't have a TV anymore.
Why not?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So let's, like,
assemble the bones.
Um, are there instructions
or something?
I don't see any.
They must have fell out
of the bag or something.
We don't need instructions, asswipe.
I know plenty about dinosaurs.
Now, this is an ass bone.
How's it look?
Uh...
pretty realistic.
Hmm, it feels like
it's missing something though.
Like what?
Uh...
oh, yeah.
I shall call you Bonersaurus.
The mighty Bonersaurus.
Beavis,
it's going to be hard for us
not to make a million dollars.
Come see the dinosaur.
It's a real skeleton
of a dinosaur monster.
Yes, sir.
And then, like,
visit the gift shop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
We've got a t-shirt
that says "Bonersaurus"
and then like,
Butt-Head's retainer,
and that's, like, a bra
I found in a parking lot once.
Come see the
ancient Bonersaurus.
Oh, my God.
Pull over, pull over.
Look at this.
- Step right up.
- Hey, you.
That is too perfect.
Let's get a picture,
and then we'll
get the hell out of here.
Come see the Bonersaurus.
Come check out our museum
that's going to make us rich.
Did you make this?
Uh, yeah, this is Bonersaurus.
Would you like to see it for $2?
Yes, we'd love to see it.
Here you go.
Welcome to our museum.
Hundreds of years ago,
Bonersaurus walked the land,
killing everything in sight,
and scoring
with chick dinosaurs.
Yeah, its name was Bonersaurus,
which means saurus
that has a boner.
And this ends our tour.
Please exit through
the gift shop.
And buy some stuff.
I have to post this right now.
Um, how much money have
we made so far, Butt-Head?
Uh, let's see here.
One, two... uh...
it's like $100 or, like,
a million or something.
Kickass.
What are you going to
buy with your half?
Half?
Boner-saurus was my idea, Beavis.
No way.
It was my idea,
and I built most of it!
Well, I stuck on the boner.
And that's what everybody's
here to see.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Now, I'm going
to take the boner...
- No, you're not.
- And build my own Bonersaurus!
And mine is going
to be all boners
with none of that dumb stuff
like arms! Yeah.
Beavis, if you touch my boner,
I swear to God I'm going...
- This boner is mine!
Beavis, get your damn
hands off my boner.
Make me!
I guess the museum's closed,
Butt-Head.
The age of the mighty
Bonersaurus is over.
Perhaps in a hundred years,
people will find these bones
and say, "Once long ago,
there was a dinosaur
that had a boner or something."
I don't know.
This is stupid.
Why did we even do this?
Makes you think.
It really makes you think.
Chirp.
about fossils.
Okay?
And a fossil, class,
is really just another name
for an ancient bone.
But what you may not know
is that these bony messengers
from the past
can be found
in our own backyard.
Recently, not far from here,
a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton
was found
by amateur bone hunters.
Beavis' mom
is an amateur bone hunter.
Shut up, Butt-Head.
That's not funny.
And while they may not have
the glitz
of popular youth culture,
dinosaur exhibits bring in
millions of dollars
for the American
Paleontological Foundation...
Uh, sir?
Sir! Hey!
What was the part
about a million dollars?
More like millions, Butt-Head.
You know, a good research
project would be to find...
Beavis, our hard work
in school is about to pay off.
Yeah, finally.
Jesus.
Eh, sorry, Butt-Head.
Anderson only had one shovel.
One is all we need, Beavis.
Now start digging.
Van Driessen said we'd find
them in our own backyard.
Um, I don't see
any bones, Butt-Head.
Beavis, you wuss.
You're not digging good.
Step aside.
You got to put your back
into it, dumbass, like this.
Beavis, we'll find
no dinosaurs here.
If it's this hard for us to dig,
there's no way the dinosaurs
could have dug their houses
with those wimpy little
kangaroo arms.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, those dumbass bones got
to be in somebody's backyard.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, a bone!
It's just like that
dinosaur bone we saw in class
but newer.
That butt-munch dog
stole our idea.
Damn it.
Come on, give it.
It's mine.
What are you going to do
with a million dollars, butthole?
Whoa, bones.
Yeah, we don't even have to dig.
That stupid dog did
all our work for us.
He even put them in bags.
Yeah, there's still
some dinosaur on this one.
Not bad really.
Wait, what's this show called?
Uh, this is "Ghosted."
So is there a ghost
on that chair?
No.
That dude there,
he like, ghosted her.
And so now they're going
to like, find out why
and then work it out
or something,
or settle it in the cage
or something.
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you like,
spend the holidays with me?
I was your girlfriend.
Boy, she must have
done something
really bad for him to ghost her.
Yeah, she probably
like, killed his dog
and slapped his mom
and stuff, you know?
And even then though,
I still don't think
I'd ghost her, Butt-Head.
Yeah, this better be good.
This is really embarrassing.
We got to pay attention.
The real reason
I ghosted you, Giovanna,
is because you're a sex addict.
What?
Uh, what?
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Whoa, whoa.
You know, it almost
sounded like he said
she wants to have sex too much,
and that's why
he broke up with her.
Uh, that can't be right.
Girl, you're like a rabbit.
Like, you just, ,
,
.
Wait, he is!
He is complaining!
- You're pathetic.
- What?
- You're for real pathetic.
- He's complaining about that?
This is the dumbest dude
I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, he's not just dumb,
Butt-Head.
He's a lousy son of a bitch!
Yeah.
- He sure is.
- How dare he!
I mean, some of us,
you know, like me,
don't have any sex, ever.
And he's sitting there
with his man bun
and complaining about
having too much sex?
Jesus Christ.
Multiple times a day, every day.
I don't know what
number multiple is,
but it's better than zero.
Exactly.
There's starving kids
in poor countries,
and they probably get to score,
but I don't.
And look at this guy.
Who does he think he is?
For once, I'm not going
to say settle down, Beavis.
You're absolutely right.
I hate him!
I hate him, Butt-Head!
Shut up!
- That's right, Beavis.
Shut up!
Shut up, you butt monkey!
- Kick his ass.
Lousy son of a bitch.
Teach him a lesson.
There you go.
You don't want to score?
Well, how about not scoring
with some of this?
Yes.
That's how you
take care of that.
That'll teach him a lesson.
That was cool.
Sorry, sorry.
Yeah, I just really hated him,
Butt-Head, you know?
We don't have a TV anymore.
Why not?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So let's, like,
assemble the bones.
Um, are there instructions
or something?
I don't see any.
They must have fell out
of the bag or something.
We don't need instructions, asswipe.
I know plenty about dinosaurs.
Now, this is an ass bone.
How's it look?
Uh...
pretty realistic.
Hmm, it feels like
it's missing something though.
Like what?
Uh...
oh, yeah.
I shall call you Bonersaurus.
The mighty Bonersaurus.
Beavis,
it's going to be hard for us
not to make a million dollars.
Come see the dinosaur.
It's a real skeleton
of a dinosaur monster.
Yes, sir.
And then, like,
visit the gift shop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
We've got a t-shirt
that says "Bonersaurus"
and then like,
Butt-Head's retainer,
and that's, like, a bra
I found in a parking lot once.
Come see the
ancient Bonersaurus.
Oh, my God.
Pull over, pull over.
Look at this.
- Step right up.
- Hey, you.
That is too perfect.
Let's get a picture,
and then we'll
get the hell out of here.
Come see the Bonersaurus.
Come check out our museum
that's going to make us rich.
Did you make this?
Uh, yeah, this is Bonersaurus.
Would you like to see it for $2?
Yes, we'd love to see it.
Here you go.
Welcome to our museum.
Hundreds of years ago,
Bonersaurus walked the land,
killing everything in sight,
and scoring
with chick dinosaurs.
Yeah, its name was Bonersaurus,
which means saurus
that has a boner.
And this ends our tour.
Please exit through
the gift shop.
And buy some stuff.
I have to post this right now.
Um, how much money have
we made so far, Butt-Head?
Uh, let's see here.
One, two... uh...
it's like $100 or, like,
a million or something.
Kickass.
What are you going to
buy with your half?
Half?
Boner-saurus was my idea, Beavis.
No way.
It was my idea,
and I built most of it!
Well, I stuck on the boner.
And that's what everybody's
here to see.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Now, I'm going
to take the boner...
- No, you're not.
- And build my own Bonersaurus!
And mine is going
to be all boners
with none of that dumb stuff
like arms! Yeah.
Beavis, if you touch my boner,
I swear to God I'm going...
- This boner is mine!
Beavis, get your damn
hands off my boner.
Make me!
I guess the museum's closed,
Butt-Head.
The age of the mighty
Bonersaurus is over.
Perhaps in a hundred years,
people will find these bones
and say, "Once long ago,
there was a dinosaur
that had a boner or something."
I don't know.
This is stupid.
Why did we even do this?
Makes you think.
It really makes you think.
Chirp.