Beavis and Butt-Head (1993–2011): Season 2, Episode 12 - Lawn & Garden - full transcript

Beavis and Butt-Head are hired by Tom Anderson to landscape his yard.

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LAWN &
GARDEN

Have you been injured in an
accident that was not your fault?

Than you need the tough
smart lawyer "Joe Adler".

"Joe Adler" can help you with...

And when I was in the hospital
they even sent flowers.

Have you been injured?

- Have you been injured?
- Have you been injured?

Than call the "Injury Hotline
1-400-Bad-Back".

Check this out.

- Injury hotline.
- Hello.

- Can I help you.
- Ah, yes.



- I've been injured.
- You have?

Yeah, I have a big crack
in my butt.

That was cool.

Wow.

This is disgusting.

- Look at his eyebrows.
- Yeah, his eyebrows suck.

Wow.

I'm being hypnotised.

Yeah, me too.

I'm gonna vomit.

He's stocking a crack.

- Wow, that guitar is cool.
- Yeah.

It's shaped like one
of those thingies.

Yeah. Like that tattoo
on your mom's butt.



No, that one is on her shoulder.
She's got a battleship on her butt.

Oh, yeah.

And remember I'm not only hair
club president. I'm also a member.

You said "member".

That was cool.

Sing, fat boy, sing.

Paradise sucks.

Yeah.

Now, I want you boys to prune
both of these trees up front here, and I...

Hey, you boys look familiar.

Aren't you the ones that ran off
with my riding mower last week?

No.

You the ones that
painted my cats butt?

No.

Well, the cops will get them.

Luckily, I've got
homeowners insurance.

You've got what?

Homeowners insurance.

Now, have you boys done
any pruning before?

Yeah.

You know, back when I was your age,
I'd work 14 hours a day pruning trees

and still have time to come home
and mow the lawn.

I'll be back in a while
to see how you're doing.

Remember, it ain't what you cut,
it's what you don't cut.

What a dork.

Yeah.

Boy, oh, boy.

What I wouldn't give
for five minutes alone

with those little bastards
that took my mower.

Hey, Butt-Head,

you think a man
will ever land on Uranus?

Maybe on your anus.

What are y'all doing?
Choking your chicken?

Come on, let's get to pruning.

What are we supposed to do again?

I forgot.

Oh, yeah, I think were supposed to,
like, cut off the branches.

All of them?

Yeah, I guess.

Cool.

Hey, since we gotta cut off
all the branches,

let's just cut it right down here.

Yeah. Then we'll get
them all at once.

You're pretty smart, Butt-Head.

Yeah.

Maybe he'll pay us extra.

Yeah, that would be cool.

Wow.
That was cool.

Yeah, this chainsaw kicks-ass.

Pruning is cool.

Yeah.

Let's go prune some power lines.

"Welcome to the jungle Baby".
"You gonna die".

We're gonna have
to charge you extra, sir.

Yeah.

We pruned the house, too.

That was cool.

Warm It up Kris.

Yeah.
Warm It up Kris.

Warmer.
Like fire.

How do those guys pee with their
pants on backwards?

Hey Butt-Head which
one is Kross?

Kross is The Mac daddy.
And Kris is the Daddy mac.

What did you think win will in a fight
between Daddy mac and The Mac daddy.

I don't know.

But they could both
kick Axl's ass.

Yeah. That would be cool,
if Axl got his ass-kicked,

by a couple of 12 year olds.

Hey Butt-Head,
what would we born to do?

This court is now in session.

I know you've been sworn, sir,
and I have read your complaint.

It's my turn to be
the judge, asswipe.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

This court is now in session.

How do you, please,
to these charges of...

Trespassing.

Oh, yeah.

Trespassing.

And buzzing around
and getting in my face and stuff.

How do you, please,
to these charges against you?

The defence rests.

Shut up!

Okay.

I hereby sentence the defendant
to death by...

Death by...

Saw off it's tweeter.

- Breaking the law breaking the law
- Breaking the law breaking the law

- Breaking the law breaking the law
- Breaking the law breaking the law

That was cool.

Humpty kicks-ass.

Yeah, Humpty rules.

"The name is Humpty,
pronounced with a Umpty".

"Rappers in the top ten
please allow me to bump thee"

Hey Beavis, I heard this
guy really doesn't have a nose.

He got in some accident.

No way Butt-Head, that's
just a plastic noise.

I know, that's because he had
plastic surgery.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

"Do the Humpty Hump".
"Do the Humpty Hump".

"The Humpty dance is your
chance to do the hump".