Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 7 - Instant Freeze - full transcript
Dr. Shivel aka Mr. Freeze has returned and is seeking revenge on Batman, who accidentally spilled a freeze solution on him, being forced to live in a -50 climate. He is committing crimes involving diamonds, or "ice," in different forms. He freezes the duo, who look like goners.
- Officer, officer, help me!
- Officer!
- Some kook melted the ice rink.
- With a flamethrower, yet.
Ice?
In July?
But who would melt
down an ice rink...
and then turn right around,
ice up a street, and...?
- You don't mean...
- That diabolical snowman...
who can only exist in temperatures
50 degrees below zero or more.
Oh, no.
A man with a heart of ice and the cold
calculating brain of a master criminal.
There's only one man in this entire
city capable of defrosting Mr. Freeze.
Agreed?
I'll call him, sir.
Wow!
Sure. All you have to do is rough up
the cover, get a good grip on the seams...
- get that arm way back...
- Careful, the vase.
And, pow!
How far did I hit it?
- Did I hurt you? Ha, ha.
- You're out.
That's the way you do it, the old
Diamante fastball special. Pow.
Shades of Sandy Koufax. No wonder
they call you the Great Diamante.
You must be about the
best pitcher in the world.
About? He is. Just ask him.
I'd like to say it's not
only been a pleasure...
but an education to
have three members...
of the Gotham City Eagles here
for lunch. Do I hear a second?
- Second the motion.
- Third.
Hear, hear, hear, Aunt Harriett.
I hope you liked my cherry pie.
The Bat-Phone, sir.
Oh, thank you, Alfred. I
didn't realize it was that late.
It seems I have an impatient
date waiting, gentlemen.
Well, what are you waiting for?
- Hey, mustn't keep the young lady waiting.
- Or the lady's younger sister.
But is any young teenage miss worth a
pitching lesson from the Great Diamante?
We were leaving anyway.
Thanks for the wonderful dinner.
The meal was terrific,
especially the pie.
Thank you, boys. Thank you
so much. Come again, won't you?
- Yes, commissioner.
- Chilling news. It's Mr. Freeze.
We're on our way.
To the Batpoles.
Atomic batteries to
power. Turbines to speed.
Ready to move out.
Poor devil. Forced to live
in an air-conditioned suit...
that keeps his body temperature
down to 50 degrees below zero.
No wonder his mind is warped.
Your pity is all very
well, but what is he up to?
Yes, what is the point
of his shenanigans?
Icy calling cards, Chief O'Hara, to
let me know he's back in Gotham City.
Of course. He wants revenge.
- I'm not so sure I blame him.
- It was an accident, Batman.
You didn't mean to knock that beaker of instant
freeze on him during the fight in his laboratory.
- The Boy Wonder is right.
- He was the culprit, Batman.
Experimenting with
those freeze solutions...
and for some criminal
purpose, undoubtedly.
True, commissioner. Nevertheless, I
feel it's my duty not only to catch him...
but with all the medical
knowhow at our command...
to help that sorry creature
back to a normal way of life.
- Noble sentiments, Batman.
- Wasted on the fiendish likes of him.
Perhaps, men. We'll soon see.
But with his revenge he
just may want a dividend.
- A dividend?
- Money.
Maintaining a subzero
environment is expensive.
Holy iceberg. We can
expect a crime wave.
No, Robin. A
cold wave of terror.
- How?
- Where would he strike first?
That's for him to
plot and us to guess.
We'll use our anti-crime
computer in the Batcave.
Right. If there are any new
strange occurrences, commissioner...
call us on the hotline.
To the Batmobile. Let's go.
And even as the dynamic duo
speeds back to the Batcave...
a strange scene ensues inside...
Mr. Freeze's super
air-conditioned mountain hideout.
Ah. Revenge. Revenge.
I will pin Batman's hide
to the walls of city hall...
after I've made him the
laughing stock of Gotham City.
It's... Oh!
Well, what are you
waiting for? Christmas?
- You forgot to turn on my hot path.
- Ah.
I forgot that you have not the
same reverse metabolism as I have.
There. Nice, warm 76 degree
temperature from kitchen to table.
Thank you, sir.
Nippy, have you ordered the
airplane to go zoom, zoom, zoom?
- Yeah, boss.
- And Chill...
how many Batmans have
you hired for this afternoon?
There are five, boss.
- Moe, how many of me?
- Five of you, naturally.
Five Batmans, five of me.
This is the beginning
of the end of Batmans.
- Nippy, give my order to unleash the decoys.
- Right, boss.
I will toy with him
like cat with mouse.
I will lure him right to
the scene of the crime.
First, I toy, then I destroy.
In the Batcave, far below
stately Wayne Manor...
Batman and the Boy Wonder make plans
for their meeting with their frosty foe.
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five...
four, three, two, one, zero.
Zero is maximum. Failed again.
- The anti-freeze capsule won't do the job.
- Iced tea, sir?
Holy blizzard. Who needs ice
tea at a time like this, Alfred?
Hot tea might be more appropriate,
Alfred, under the circumstances.
I anticipated the
circumstances, sir. Piping hot.
- Anticipated?
- Yes, sir, from the morning newspaper.
A rather strange little column
concerning melted ice rinks...
and bursting ice dispensers
might lead one to suppose...
that, uh, Mr. Freeze
was back in town again.
- He's back, all right.
- Unfortunately.
- Seeking revenge.
- Oh, dear, dear me.
How very distressing.
And this, uh, freezing chamber contraption,
if I might be so bold as to inquire, sir...
would that be some sort of
defense against Mr. Freeze?
Not that. This.
This new anti-freeze capsule.
Taken internally, it enables a
person to withstand intense cold.
We're using the freezing
chamber to test the results.
If I understand you correctly,
sir, it tested down to, uh...
- Zero.
- Not cold enough, sir?
To be effective against
Mr. Freeze, we must withstand...
50 degrees below
zero temperatures.
If we're forced to meet
him on his own ground...
I'm sure we're in for a
mighty chilly reception.
- Do you think it might come to that, sir?
- Who knows?
All we can assume is that
somewhere, somehow...
his evil scheme for
revenge is in operation.
Right now.
But how can Batman
be in six places at once?
- Impossible.
- Oh, look at these patrol car reports.
He's been spotted uptown,
downtown, east side, west side.
And every officer
wants to know...
what's the trouble? What's
Batman doing in my territory?
Impossible. They're
impostors, of course.
We must notify Batman.
Yes, commissioner?
You asked me to report any strange
occurrences, I think this one qualifies.
That's the last location
where a patrol car spotted me.
You were seen there
less than two minutes ago.
Wait a minute, hold on, hold...
"Batman last reported at
59th Street, now at 57th."
- That about wraps it up.
- I'll be in touch.
Move me from
59th Street to 57th.
Holy schizophrenia. You're in
all these places at the same time.
- You sure are spreading yourself pretty thin.
- Notice the pattern.
They all seem to be
moving in to the center.
Forty-fourth
between 5th and 6th.
- Leaping lumbago. The Diamond Exchange.
- Diamond...
But, of course. Diamonds. In the
vernacular of the underworld: ice.
Let's go.
Very nice. Thank you.
And now the famous Star of
Kashmir diamond, if you please.
Oh, dear me, no. Not
the Star of Kashmir.
- The star, immediately.
- Well, I... I, um...
It's in the safe, there.
But I don't know the combination.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Who needs combination?
Drop them. Who
needs chicken feed?
Ah. Look at that.
- The most valuable diamond in the world.
- Uh, second.
Nein, nein, no guns.
How many times must I
tell you, no ordinary guns?
I want they should
be frozen stiff.
- Mr. Perkins, Mr. Perkins, look. It's Batman.
- Oh, dear.
They're like one big
happy family, huh?
Hey, the real Batman.
Follow me.
It's the real me, chum.
Batman, look, Mr. Freeze.
- Holy snowball.
- The turbines, they're iced.
We're frozen out.
Batman, look.
Pow! If only I could have landed
one punch on the real Mr. Freeze.
Think positive, Robin.
Our computer should clue us in
on where he's liable to strike next.
Jewelry shops. Why
didn't I think of that?
One thing we know for sure: Mr. Freeze
is out to steal all the ice in Gotham City.
On the contrary, one
thing we know for sure...
is that he's not out to steal
all the ice in Gotham City.
Otherwise, why would we he
leave a fortune in loose diamonds...
on the floor of the
Diamond Exchange?
Yeah. Yeah.
Assuming he doesn't want all the
ice, perhaps he does want the best.
These cards indicate the most
expensive diamonds in the world...
and where they're located.
Circle the locations on the map.
"Marie Antoinette tiara, Trieste
Jeweler, 52nd and Avenue of Peace.
Devil's Teardrop, Marise
Leroux Export. Giaclio Circlo..."
The most valuable
diamond in the world.
But that's not in Gotham City.
It's owned by the Princess
Sandra of the principality of Molino.
- That's it.
- That's it.
- The Giaclio Circlo.
- English translation: Ice Circle.
- I'm studying Italian.
- Excellent. Circle for zero...
- Zero temperature?
- Owned by the Princess Sandra.
- Who's flying to Gotham City...
- For the charity baseball game.
- Tomorrow afternoon.
- Tonight.
- But the game's tomorrow.
- But she's arriving tonight.
Meanwhile, in the royal suite
of the Gotham City Hotel...
Princess Sandra, formerly
Sandra Carlson from Brooklyn...
tends her social affairs
unaware of an impending surprise.
Call the ambassador and tell him that I'll
able to receive him on Thursday at 2 p.m...
and make sure
you talk to his wife.
Freshly cut flowers for the
dining room. Thank you, Gabrielle.
And I'm expecting 30 people.
What is it?
For Your Royal Highness
from Molino by air.
Oh, how delightful. I wonder
what kind of beef this is.
Oh!
- It's cold cuts.
- The alarm.
- Yes, commissioner?
- The royal suite.
We're getting a continuous signal from that
special alarm system that you told us to install.
Good. It's working, Batman.
Gotham City Hotel.
Stop. Don't nobody move
or they'll get frozen stiff too.
But now the Giaclio
Circlo, if you please.
The diamond. Now.
Wait. Let's take a short cut.
Right. They could have
lookouts in the lobby.
- No! No.
- Nobody says no to me, never.
Tell Batman when he arrives,
if he arrives, what happened.
Tell him yourself,
Dr. Schimmel, alias Mr. Freeze.
No, Robin. The safety
of the hotel guests first.
Fire under control.
After them, Robin.
Sorry about this, Your Highness.
Nein, nein, nein, stop.
I don't want to kill
you. Not yet, not yet.
Not yet.
I am sorry, Batman. I wanted
to toy with you a little longer.
But that is the way
the ice cube crumbles.
- Officer!
- Some kook melted the ice rink.
- With a flamethrower, yet.
Ice?
In July?
But who would melt
down an ice rink...
and then turn right around,
ice up a street, and...?
- You don't mean...
- That diabolical snowman...
who can only exist in temperatures
50 degrees below zero or more.
Oh, no.
A man with a heart of ice and the cold
calculating brain of a master criminal.
There's only one man in this entire
city capable of defrosting Mr. Freeze.
Agreed?
I'll call him, sir.
Wow!
Sure. All you have to do is rough up
the cover, get a good grip on the seams...
- get that arm way back...
- Careful, the vase.
And, pow!
How far did I hit it?
- Did I hurt you? Ha, ha.
- You're out.
That's the way you do it, the old
Diamante fastball special. Pow.
Shades of Sandy Koufax. No wonder
they call you the Great Diamante.
You must be about the
best pitcher in the world.
About? He is. Just ask him.
I'd like to say it's not
only been a pleasure...
but an education to
have three members...
of the Gotham City Eagles here
for lunch. Do I hear a second?
- Second the motion.
- Third.
Hear, hear, hear, Aunt Harriett.
I hope you liked my cherry pie.
The Bat-Phone, sir.
Oh, thank you, Alfred. I
didn't realize it was that late.
It seems I have an impatient
date waiting, gentlemen.
Well, what are you waiting for?
- Hey, mustn't keep the young lady waiting.
- Or the lady's younger sister.
But is any young teenage miss worth a
pitching lesson from the Great Diamante?
We were leaving anyway.
Thanks for the wonderful dinner.
The meal was terrific,
especially the pie.
Thank you, boys. Thank you
so much. Come again, won't you?
- Yes, commissioner.
- Chilling news. It's Mr. Freeze.
We're on our way.
To the Batpoles.
Atomic batteries to
power. Turbines to speed.
Ready to move out.
Poor devil. Forced to live
in an air-conditioned suit...
that keeps his body temperature
down to 50 degrees below zero.
No wonder his mind is warped.
Your pity is all very
well, but what is he up to?
Yes, what is the point
of his shenanigans?
Icy calling cards, Chief O'Hara, to
let me know he's back in Gotham City.
Of course. He wants revenge.
- I'm not so sure I blame him.
- It was an accident, Batman.
You didn't mean to knock that beaker of instant
freeze on him during the fight in his laboratory.
- The Boy Wonder is right.
- He was the culprit, Batman.
Experimenting with
those freeze solutions...
and for some criminal
purpose, undoubtedly.
True, commissioner. Nevertheless, I
feel it's my duty not only to catch him...
but with all the medical
knowhow at our command...
to help that sorry creature
back to a normal way of life.
- Noble sentiments, Batman.
- Wasted on the fiendish likes of him.
Perhaps, men. We'll soon see.
But with his revenge he
just may want a dividend.
- A dividend?
- Money.
Maintaining a subzero
environment is expensive.
Holy iceberg. We can
expect a crime wave.
No, Robin. A
cold wave of terror.
- How?
- Where would he strike first?
That's for him to
plot and us to guess.
We'll use our anti-crime
computer in the Batcave.
Right. If there are any new
strange occurrences, commissioner...
call us on the hotline.
To the Batmobile. Let's go.
And even as the dynamic duo
speeds back to the Batcave...
a strange scene ensues inside...
Mr. Freeze's super
air-conditioned mountain hideout.
Ah. Revenge. Revenge.
I will pin Batman's hide
to the walls of city hall...
after I've made him the
laughing stock of Gotham City.
It's... Oh!
Well, what are you
waiting for? Christmas?
- You forgot to turn on my hot path.
- Ah.
I forgot that you have not the
same reverse metabolism as I have.
There. Nice, warm 76 degree
temperature from kitchen to table.
Thank you, sir.
Nippy, have you ordered the
airplane to go zoom, zoom, zoom?
- Yeah, boss.
- And Chill...
how many Batmans have
you hired for this afternoon?
There are five, boss.
- Moe, how many of me?
- Five of you, naturally.
Five Batmans, five of me.
This is the beginning
of the end of Batmans.
- Nippy, give my order to unleash the decoys.
- Right, boss.
I will toy with him
like cat with mouse.
I will lure him right to
the scene of the crime.
First, I toy, then I destroy.
In the Batcave, far below
stately Wayne Manor...
Batman and the Boy Wonder make plans
for their meeting with their frosty foe.
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five...
four, three, two, one, zero.
Zero is maximum. Failed again.
- The anti-freeze capsule won't do the job.
- Iced tea, sir?
Holy blizzard. Who needs ice
tea at a time like this, Alfred?
Hot tea might be more appropriate,
Alfred, under the circumstances.
I anticipated the
circumstances, sir. Piping hot.
- Anticipated?
- Yes, sir, from the morning newspaper.
A rather strange little column
concerning melted ice rinks...
and bursting ice dispensers
might lead one to suppose...
that, uh, Mr. Freeze
was back in town again.
- He's back, all right.
- Unfortunately.
- Seeking revenge.
- Oh, dear, dear me.
How very distressing.
And this, uh, freezing chamber contraption,
if I might be so bold as to inquire, sir...
would that be some sort of
defense against Mr. Freeze?
Not that. This.
This new anti-freeze capsule.
Taken internally, it enables a
person to withstand intense cold.
We're using the freezing
chamber to test the results.
If I understand you correctly,
sir, it tested down to, uh...
- Zero.
- Not cold enough, sir?
To be effective against
Mr. Freeze, we must withstand...
50 degrees below
zero temperatures.
If we're forced to meet
him on his own ground...
I'm sure we're in for a
mighty chilly reception.
- Do you think it might come to that, sir?
- Who knows?
All we can assume is that
somewhere, somehow...
his evil scheme for
revenge is in operation.
Right now.
But how can Batman
be in six places at once?
- Impossible.
- Oh, look at these patrol car reports.
He's been spotted uptown,
downtown, east side, west side.
And every officer
wants to know...
what's the trouble? What's
Batman doing in my territory?
Impossible. They're
impostors, of course.
We must notify Batman.
Yes, commissioner?
You asked me to report any strange
occurrences, I think this one qualifies.
That's the last location
where a patrol car spotted me.
You were seen there
less than two minutes ago.
Wait a minute, hold on, hold...
"Batman last reported at
59th Street, now at 57th."
- That about wraps it up.
- I'll be in touch.
Move me from
59th Street to 57th.
Holy schizophrenia. You're in
all these places at the same time.
- You sure are spreading yourself pretty thin.
- Notice the pattern.
They all seem to be
moving in to the center.
Forty-fourth
between 5th and 6th.
- Leaping lumbago. The Diamond Exchange.
- Diamond...
But, of course. Diamonds. In the
vernacular of the underworld: ice.
Let's go.
Very nice. Thank you.
And now the famous Star of
Kashmir diamond, if you please.
Oh, dear me, no. Not
the Star of Kashmir.
- The star, immediately.
- Well, I... I, um...
It's in the safe, there.
But I don't know the combination.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Who needs combination?
Drop them. Who
needs chicken feed?
Ah. Look at that.
- The most valuable diamond in the world.
- Uh, second.
Nein, nein, no guns.
How many times must I
tell you, no ordinary guns?
I want they should
be frozen stiff.
- Mr. Perkins, Mr. Perkins, look. It's Batman.
- Oh, dear.
They're like one big
happy family, huh?
Hey, the real Batman.
Follow me.
It's the real me, chum.
Batman, look, Mr. Freeze.
- Holy snowball.
- The turbines, they're iced.
We're frozen out.
Batman, look.
Pow! If only I could have landed
one punch on the real Mr. Freeze.
Think positive, Robin.
Our computer should clue us in
on where he's liable to strike next.
Jewelry shops. Why
didn't I think of that?
One thing we know for sure: Mr. Freeze
is out to steal all the ice in Gotham City.
On the contrary, one
thing we know for sure...
is that he's not out to steal
all the ice in Gotham City.
Otherwise, why would we he
leave a fortune in loose diamonds...
on the floor of the
Diamond Exchange?
Yeah. Yeah.
Assuming he doesn't want all the
ice, perhaps he does want the best.
These cards indicate the most
expensive diamonds in the world...
and where they're located.
Circle the locations on the map.
"Marie Antoinette tiara, Trieste
Jeweler, 52nd and Avenue of Peace.
Devil's Teardrop, Marise
Leroux Export. Giaclio Circlo..."
The most valuable
diamond in the world.
But that's not in Gotham City.
It's owned by the Princess
Sandra of the principality of Molino.
- That's it.
- That's it.
- The Giaclio Circlo.
- English translation: Ice Circle.
- I'm studying Italian.
- Excellent. Circle for zero...
- Zero temperature?
- Owned by the Princess Sandra.
- Who's flying to Gotham City...
- For the charity baseball game.
- Tomorrow afternoon.
- Tonight.
- But the game's tomorrow.
- But she's arriving tonight.
Meanwhile, in the royal suite
of the Gotham City Hotel...
Princess Sandra, formerly
Sandra Carlson from Brooklyn...
tends her social affairs
unaware of an impending surprise.
Call the ambassador and tell him that I'll
able to receive him on Thursday at 2 p.m...
and make sure
you talk to his wife.
Freshly cut flowers for the
dining room. Thank you, Gabrielle.
And I'm expecting 30 people.
What is it?
For Your Royal Highness
from Molino by air.
Oh, how delightful. I wonder
what kind of beef this is.
Oh!
- It's cold cuts.
- The alarm.
- Yes, commissioner?
- The royal suite.
We're getting a continuous signal from that
special alarm system that you told us to install.
Good. It's working, Batman.
Gotham City Hotel.
Stop. Don't nobody move
or they'll get frozen stiff too.
But now the Giaclio
Circlo, if you please.
The diamond. Now.
Wait. Let's take a short cut.
Right. They could have
lookouts in the lobby.
- No! No.
- Nobody says no to me, never.
Tell Batman when he arrives,
if he arrives, what happened.
Tell him yourself,
Dr. Schimmel, alias Mr. Freeze.
No, Robin. The safety
of the hotel guests first.
Fire under control.
After them, Robin.
Sorry about this, Your Highness.
Nein, nein, nein, stop.
I don't want to kill
you. Not yet, not yet.
Not yet.
I am sorry, Batman. I wanted
to toy with you a little longer.
But that is the way
the ice cube crumbles.