Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 6 - Batman Is Riled - full transcript
Batman avoids a public unmasking but is unable to bring in the Joker, thanks to the villain's utility belt. Eventually, Batman and Robin are captured by the Joker's gang. But the Joker doesn't know a showdown with the Dynamic Duo awaits.
We have previously
seen a prison ball game.
The Joker threw a curve...
and sprung himself.
Then a statue in the
comedian's hall of fame...
turned into the real thing.
Fabulous jewel collection...
saved by Batman and Robin.
Or was it?
Batman used his head.
Were they doomed?
A trick left.
Bat-gas.
But the Joker had
a utility belt too.
He clowned around...
and was unmasked.
It was a gas.
No, only sneezing powder.
Gesundheit.
The dynamic duo was helpless.
The Joker decided
to unmask them.
The worst is yet to come.
And now, my anonymous nemesis...
let's see who you are
behind that mask of yours...
Oh, ho! A twist.
Fight water with fire.
The Joker, he's getting away.
I'll get him.
You're trapped, Joker.
As a duly deputized
agent of the law...
I order you to surrender.
As the clown prince of
crime, I decline. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
I hope this doesn't depress you.
It's time for you to sing a
different tune, my crooked clown.
Songs are for parties, my
caped copper. Heh, heh, heh!
And so is confetti.
So why don't you join
the fun? Ho, ho, ho, ho!
I'm sorry you can't join
me, my helpless hero.
But I see you're tied up with
other things. Aha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Batman. Batman.
Holy serpentine, what happened?
This time, the
Joker gave the party.
Next time, we'll hand
out the door prizes.
Have Batman and Boy
Wonder finally met their match?
Will the Joker's utility belt
prove their ultimate undoing?
These are the questions all
Gotham City is asking itself tonight.
Have Batman and Boy
Wonder finally met their match?
Will the Joker's utility belt
prove their ultimate undoing?
In a filmed interview
at his office today...
Police Commissioner Gordon
had answers to these questions.
Commissioner Gordon, have Batman
and Boy Wonder finally met their match?
Well, let me say this,
Fred. I... I'd hate to think so.
Do you think the Joker's utility
belt will prove their ultimate undoing?
Heaven help us all if it does.
Amen.
Thus Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
echo the sentiments of all Gotham City.
For even as that interview
was being filmed...
criminals of every kind, emboldened by
the dynamic duo's seeming impotence...
were combining to create a crime wave the
likes of which Gotham City has seldom seen.
In this hour of
peril and need...
perhaps all our prayers are best
summed up by my small son, Harold.
Just 8 years old.
Kneeling beside his little bed,
hands clasped reverently before him...
he said, "God bless
Mommy, God bless Daddy...
God bless my dog, Spot.
And please, Batman, whoever
you are behind that mask of yours...
please, save us."
Turn it off, Alfred.
Wait a minute.
Hold that camera still.
How do you focus this thing?
No hard feelings, Freddy.
Places, everyone.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- Let's race to the studio.
- No time for that now. Look.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to What's My Crime.
It seems that your inept dynamic
duo is having a little difficulty...
in figuring out just what
my next crime will be.
So I thought it only fair, under the
circumstances, to give them a little hint. Ha, ha!
Are you listening out there,
Fatman and Boy Blunder?
Boy, how I'd like to top
him with a punch line.
Quiet, listen. His insane
conceit may betray him.
Are your masks in place, panel?
- Oh, yes.
- Very well then.
Let the game commence.
Does this crime involve
an article of clothing?
- Right.
- Like a belt maybe?
Astonishing. Right again.
It involves a belt, but
there's going to be a switch.
- A switch.
- An electric switch.
Wrong, panel.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
A switch but not electric.
As you doubtless know, every wrong answer
means that we contribute one dollar...
to the famous Joker's
Home for Worn-Out Bats.
- Ho, ho, ho! Hey, Joker,
cop cars in the street.
Oh! Let's cheese it.
Fatman and Boy Blunder...
are your blindfolds in place?
Very well, then. Ask yourselves
what is wrong with this sentence:
"He who laughs
last, laughs good."
Holy grammar, is that all?
He who laughs last,
laughs best, not good.
Best, best, best.
Do you suppose "blindfold"
might have something to do with it?
Eh, if I may venture an opinion, sir, I think
Master Dick may have put his finger on it.
Blindfold?
No, sir, grammar.
The sentence was grammatically
incorrect. One does not laugh good, sir.
One laughs well.
Why, that's it,
Alfred. Laughs well.
Lafwell.
Professor James J. Lafwell.
Holy safari, the one that
just got back from Africa...
with a collection of rare
masks and objects of art.
That's where the blindfold
part would come in, sir.
And they're being stored at
the Last Longer Warehouse.
To the Batmobile.
We'll use the Batrope...
and take them by
surprise. Stand clear.
No matter what, we
mustn't fail this time, Robin.
Sometimes I think people
expect too much of us, Batman.
They have a right to expect it.
But we're only human.
- All too true.
- We only have so much to give.
Try to explain that to little Harold
kneeling beside his bed saying his prayers.
Stand and fight, Joker.
Let us away. Let us away.
Holy Fourth of
July, what's this?
This was just
the curtain raiser.
Next time, you'll get the real
show-stopper. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
That's not your belt.
No.
It's a clever replica of
the Joker's utility belt.
But how...?
He must've slipped it
on me during the struggle.
Then when you thought you were
stopping him with your utility belt...
he was really
stopping us with his.
The tricky devil.
He's hit us below the belt.
Golly.
What do you suppose little
Harold's going to think now?
All the same.
The Joker is wild.
Batman and Robin foiled again.
Holy headlines, we look
like page one dumbbells.
Too true, Robin. The responsibility
of the press is to report the truth...
despite what it might
do to our public image.
Our main concern is to a frightened
public whom we seem to be failing.
Gosh, you're right.
I can't help thinking of
only myself. I'm sorry.
Well, it's okay, chum. We all have
the right to be selfish sometimes.
- Nothing?
- Not so far.
But we do know the giggling
fiend's about to pounce again.
What was it that he
said in the warehouse?
"Next time, you'll get
the real show-stopper."
Exactly. Show stopper. Show.
Another telecast.
I think you're off
the beam, Robin.
The Joker's too shrewd a customer
to hurl such an obvious clue.
Of course, but I can't help
thinking he slipped up somewhere.
Perhaps he's about to.
- What do you mean?
- Look at it this way, Robin.
He's terrorized Gotham City, baffled the police
department, and held us up to public ridicule.
- True.
- Gloating on his own success...
he may be planning some super
crime and stumble on his own pride.
But how do we go
about stopping him?
Just go about our
normal routine...
and let the venomous
viper trap himself.
And when he does?
Snap.
- Caught in a bat trap.
- Right.
What is it, chum?
Oh, the... The launch tomorrow.
What about it?
I dread facing all those people.
We can't disappoint
Commissioner Gordon.
And we have to make an
appearance to snare that devil.
I see what you mean.
I just wish I knew what the
Joker is plotting right now.
A scheme to trap
that grinning devil.
Meantime, let's get back to
the utility belt he planted on me.
Everything's set.
The plan is perfect.
Gee, it'll be like a
dream come true.
Cruising the world in our
own private luxury ocean liner.
Are you sure Batman won't
get in our way somehow?
That's right, Joker. We may got
him down, but we ain't got him out.
You fools of little faith.
I swear by every fiend
of felonious fundom.
Tomorrow, all opposition
from the dynamic duo will stop.
I've got the stopper right here.
The last stopper.
- What is it, Joker?
- It's just a cork.
A cork, yes, but
not just a cork.
Queenie, get me the
bottle of champagne.
How are you gonna
stop Batman with that?
You gonna get him drunk?
Here, Queenie. You know
what to do with this now.
Tomorrow night, champagne
for everybody! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
What's this?
Batman and Robin done in by a
bottle of champagne? Impossible.
I don't know what could
be keeping Bruce Wayne...
but we just can't hold
this up any longer.
Ladies and gentlemen.
It gives me great pleasure to present the
two people who will christen the S.S. Gotham.
They hardly need
an introduction.
Batman and Robin,
the Boy Wonder.
Hey, what are you two guys doing out here when
the Joker's out there taking over the city?
Um, sorry about that, Batman.
Forget about it, Commissioner. Let's
get on with the christening, shall we?
Okay. Who's got the champagne?
- Here you are, commissioner.
- Well, thank you, my dear.
The best French champagne.
Here you are.
1949, a very good year.
Something, something
wrong, Batman?
No, no. It's nothing at all.
I just feel a slight
headache coming on.
Perhaps one of these tablets.
You better take one too,
Robin. It might be contagious.
Gee, Batman. I never
heard of a headache being...
Doctor's orders, chum.
Let me get this out of your way.
I hereby christen
thee S.S. Gotham City.
Queenie, the switch.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
We're on the air, Joker.
Good day, good day. Once more we
interrupt your regularly scheduled program.
This is the Joker speaking
from his secret hideout.
I have an amusing message for the
directors of the Gotham Steamship Lines.
My terms, deliver me title
to the S.S. Gotham, or else.
Or else, this whimsical scene,
once part of a waxwork museum...
will be reenacted in front of your
eyes with the most hideous reality.
You understand, dear fellow
citizens of Gotham City?
I get the S.S. Gotham...
or your precious dynamic duo gets
launched to eternity. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Wrong, Joker.
- You get launched.
- Right back to the pen where you belong.
Egads! What sorcery is this?
There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork
to keep ordinary men unconscious for hours.
No sorcery.
Merely the precaution of a
universal drug antidote pill.
You're too clever for your
own good this time, Joker.
That replica of your
utility belt was too exact.
We analyzed the cork in it
and found paralyzing gas.
I just happened to notice...
the seal around the cork in
that bottle of champagne...
was not discolored with age.
Odd in a 1949 vintage.
It's back to prison
walls for you, Joker.
Bah!
I'm afraid you're
under arrest, madam.
Couldn't we talk it
over, handsome?
Poor, deluded child.
And so with the
Joker's capture...
Gotham City's worst crime wave
in history has come to an end.
Tonight, once more, we can
all sleep peacefully in our beds...
secure in the knowledge that, as I assured
my small son, Harold, just 8 years old:
"Yes, Harold," I said.
"There is a Batman and
Robin, the Boy Wonder."
After a word from our sponsor...
Fred will be back with
more news of the Joker.
It's time for your
piano lesson, Dick.
Gee, Aunt Harriet, I
wanna hear about the Joker.
The Joker?
Bruce, I'm surprised at you...
allowing a boy Dick's age to
listen to such sordid goings-on.
Now, you march yourself straight
over to that piano, young man.
Golly G minor,
Bruce, do I have to?
Who am I to oppose
your Aunt Harriet?
I doubt whether even Batman
would wanna take that job on.
Ahem. I'll get you some
milk and cookies, Master Dick.
Thanks a lot, Alfred. I
can always count on you.
seen a prison ball game.
The Joker threw a curve...
and sprung himself.
Then a statue in the
comedian's hall of fame...
turned into the real thing.
Fabulous jewel collection...
saved by Batman and Robin.
Or was it?
Batman used his head.
Were they doomed?
A trick left.
Bat-gas.
But the Joker had
a utility belt too.
He clowned around...
and was unmasked.
It was a gas.
No, only sneezing powder.
Gesundheit.
The dynamic duo was helpless.
The Joker decided
to unmask them.
The worst is yet to come.
And now, my anonymous nemesis...
let's see who you are
behind that mask of yours...
Oh, ho! A twist.
Fight water with fire.
The Joker, he's getting away.
I'll get him.
You're trapped, Joker.
As a duly deputized
agent of the law...
I order you to surrender.
As the clown prince of
crime, I decline. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
I hope this doesn't depress you.
It's time for you to sing a
different tune, my crooked clown.
Songs are for parties, my
caped copper. Heh, heh, heh!
And so is confetti.
So why don't you join
the fun? Ho, ho, ho, ho!
I'm sorry you can't join
me, my helpless hero.
But I see you're tied up with
other things. Aha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Batman. Batman.
Holy serpentine, what happened?
This time, the
Joker gave the party.
Next time, we'll hand
out the door prizes.
Have Batman and Boy
Wonder finally met their match?
Will the Joker's utility belt
prove their ultimate undoing?
These are the questions all
Gotham City is asking itself tonight.
Have Batman and Boy
Wonder finally met their match?
Will the Joker's utility belt
prove their ultimate undoing?
In a filmed interview
at his office today...
Police Commissioner Gordon
had answers to these questions.
Commissioner Gordon, have Batman
and Boy Wonder finally met their match?
Well, let me say this,
Fred. I... I'd hate to think so.
Do you think the Joker's utility
belt will prove their ultimate undoing?
Heaven help us all if it does.
Amen.
Thus Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
echo the sentiments of all Gotham City.
For even as that interview
was being filmed...
criminals of every kind, emboldened by
the dynamic duo's seeming impotence...
were combining to create a crime wave the
likes of which Gotham City has seldom seen.
In this hour of
peril and need...
perhaps all our prayers are best
summed up by my small son, Harold.
Just 8 years old.
Kneeling beside his little bed,
hands clasped reverently before him...
he said, "God bless
Mommy, God bless Daddy...
God bless my dog, Spot.
And please, Batman, whoever
you are behind that mask of yours...
please, save us."
Turn it off, Alfred.
Wait a minute.
Hold that camera still.
How do you focus this thing?
No hard feelings, Freddy.
Places, everyone.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- Let's race to the studio.
- No time for that now. Look.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to What's My Crime.
It seems that your inept dynamic
duo is having a little difficulty...
in figuring out just what
my next crime will be.
So I thought it only fair, under the
circumstances, to give them a little hint. Ha, ha!
Are you listening out there,
Fatman and Boy Blunder?
Boy, how I'd like to top
him with a punch line.
Quiet, listen. His insane
conceit may betray him.
Are your masks in place, panel?
- Oh, yes.
- Very well then.
Let the game commence.
Does this crime involve
an article of clothing?
- Right.
- Like a belt maybe?
Astonishing. Right again.
It involves a belt, but
there's going to be a switch.
- A switch.
- An electric switch.
Wrong, panel.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
A switch but not electric.
As you doubtless know, every wrong answer
means that we contribute one dollar...
to the famous Joker's
Home for Worn-Out Bats.
- Ho, ho, ho! Hey, Joker,
cop cars in the street.
Oh! Let's cheese it.
Fatman and Boy Blunder...
are your blindfolds in place?
Very well, then. Ask yourselves
what is wrong with this sentence:
"He who laughs
last, laughs good."
Holy grammar, is that all?
He who laughs last,
laughs best, not good.
Best, best, best.
Do you suppose "blindfold"
might have something to do with it?
Eh, if I may venture an opinion, sir, I think
Master Dick may have put his finger on it.
Blindfold?
No, sir, grammar.
The sentence was grammatically
incorrect. One does not laugh good, sir.
One laughs well.
Why, that's it,
Alfred. Laughs well.
Lafwell.
Professor James J. Lafwell.
Holy safari, the one that
just got back from Africa...
with a collection of rare
masks and objects of art.
That's where the blindfold
part would come in, sir.
And they're being stored at
the Last Longer Warehouse.
To the Batmobile.
We'll use the Batrope...
and take them by
surprise. Stand clear.
No matter what, we
mustn't fail this time, Robin.
Sometimes I think people
expect too much of us, Batman.
They have a right to expect it.
But we're only human.
- All too true.
- We only have so much to give.
Try to explain that to little Harold
kneeling beside his bed saying his prayers.
Stand and fight, Joker.
Let us away. Let us away.
Holy Fourth of
July, what's this?
This was just
the curtain raiser.
Next time, you'll get the real
show-stopper. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
That's not your belt.
No.
It's a clever replica of
the Joker's utility belt.
But how...?
He must've slipped it
on me during the struggle.
Then when you thought you were
stopping him with your utility belt...
he was really
stopping us with his.
The tricky devil.
He's hit us below the belt.
Golly.
What do you suppose little
Harold's going to think now?
All the same.
The Joker is wild.
Batman and Robin foiled again.
Holy headlines, we look
like page one dumbbells.
Too true, Robin. The responsibility
of the press is to report the truth...
despite what it might
do to our public image.
Our main concern is to a frightened
public whom we seem to be failing.
Gosh, you're right.
I can't help thinking of
only myself. I'm sorry.
Well, it's okay, chum. We all have
the right to be selfish sometimes.
- Nothing?
- Not so far.
But we do know the giggling
fiend's about to pounce again.
What was it that he
said in the warehouse?
"Next time, you'll get
the real show-stopper."
Exactly. Show stopper. Show.
Another telecast.
I think you're off
the beam, Robin.
The Joker's too shrewd a customer
to hurl such an obvious clue.
Of course, but I can't help
thinking he slipped up somewhere.
Perhaps he's about to.
- What do you mean?
- Look at it this way, Robin.
He's terrorized Gotham City, baffled the police
department, and held us up to public ridicule.
- True.
- Gloating on his own success...
he may be planning some super
crime and stumble on his own pride.
But how do we go
about stopping him?
Just go about our
normal routine...
and let the venomous
viper trap himself.
And when he does?
Snap.
- Caught in a bat trap.
- Right.
What is it, chum?
Oh, the... The launch tomorrow.
What about it?
I dread facing all those people.
We can't disappoint
Commissioner Gordon.
And we have to make an
appearance to snare that devil.
I see what you mean.
I just wish I knew what the
Joker is plotting right now.
A scheme to trap
that grinning devil.
Meantime, let's get back to
the utility belt he planted on me.
Everything's set.
The plan is perfect.
Gee, it'll be like a
dream come true.
Cruising the world in our
own private luxury ocean liner.
Are you sure Batman won't
get in our way somehow?
That's right, Joker. We may got
him down, but we ain't got him out.
You fools of little faith.
I swear by every fiend
of felonious fundom.
Tomorrow, all opposition
from the dynamic duo will stop.
I've got the stopper right here.
The last stopper.
- What is it, Joker?
- It's just a cork.
A cork, yes, but
not just a cork.
Queenie, get me the
bottle of champagne.
How are you gonna
stop Batman with that?
You gonna get him drunk?
Here, Queenie. You know
what to do with this now.
Tomorrow night, champagne
for everybody! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
What's this?
Batman and Robin done in by a
bottle of champagne? Impossible.
I don't know what could
be keeping Bruce Wayne...
but we just can't hold
this up any longer.
Ladies and gentlemen.
It gives me great pleasure to present the
two people who will christen the S.S. Gotham.
They hardly need
an introduction.
Batman and Robin,
the Boy Wonder.
Hey, what are you two guys doing out here when
the Joker's out there taking over the city?
Um, sorry about that, Batman.
Forget about it, Commissioner. Let's
get on with the christening, shall we?
Okay. Who's got the champagne?
- Here you are, commissioner.
- Well, thank you, my dear.
The best French champagne.
Here you are.
1949, a very good year.
Something, something
wrong, Batman?
No, no. It's nothing at all.
I just feel a slight
headache coming on.
Perhaps one of these tablets.
You better take one too,
Robin. It might be contagious.
Gee, Batman. I never
heard of a headache being...
Doctor's orders, chum.
Let me get this out of your way.
I hereby christen
thee S.S. Gotham City.
Queenie, the switch.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
We're on the air, Joker.
Good day, good day. Once more we
interrupt your regularly scheduled program.
This is the Joker speaking
from his secret hideout.
I have an amusing message for the
directors of the Gotham Steamship Lines.
My terms, deliver me title
to the S.S. Gotham, or else.
Or else, this whimsical scene,
once part of a waxwork museum...
will be reenacted in front of your
eyes with the most hideous reality.
You understand, dear fellow
citizens of Gotham City?
I get the S.S. Gotham...
or your precious dynamic duo gets
launched to eternity. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Wrong, Joker.
- You get launched.
- Right back to the pen where you belong.
Egads! What sorcery is this?
There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork
to keep ordinary men unconscious for hours.
No sorcery.
Merely the precaution of a
universal drug antidote pill.
You're too clever for your
own good this time, Joker.
That replica of your
utility belt was too exact.
We analyzed the cork in it
and found paralyzing gas.
I just happened to notice...
the seal around the cork in
that bottle of champagne...
was not discolored with age.
Odd in a 1949 vintage.
It's back to prison
walls for you, Joker.
Bah!
I'm afraid you're
under arrest, madam.
Couldn't we talk it
over, handsome?
Poor, deluded child.
And so with the
Joker's capture...
Gotham City's worst crime wave
in history has come to an end.
Tonight, once more, we can
all sleep peacefully in our beds...
secure in the knowledge that, as I assured
my small son, Harold, just 8 years old:
"Yes, Harold," I said.
"There is a Batman and
Robin, the Boy Wonder."
After a word from our sponsor...
Fred will be back with
more news of the Joker.
It's time for your
piano lesson, Dick.
Gee, Aunt Harriet, I
wanna hear about the Joker.
The Joker?
Bruce, I'm surprised at you...
allowing a boy Dick's age to
listen to such sordid goings-on.
Now, you march yourself straight
over to that piano, young man.
Golly G minor,
Bruce, do I have to?
Who am I to oppose
your Aunt Harriet?
I doubt whether even Batman
would wanna take that job on.
Ahem. I'll get you some
milk and cookies, Master Dick.
Thanks a lot, Alfred. I
can always count on you.