Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 34 - Batman Makes the Scenes - full transcript

Last night, we saw
an unwitting victim...

fall for a fishy trap...

caught by the finny fiends.

Umbrellas, the
sign of The Penguin.

The Caped
Crusaders on the trail.

A brainwashed butler.

He remembered nothing.

Batman was baffled.

The meeting of
the millionaires...

and their worthy causes.

Could they be part of...



a Penguin plot?

A clue...

send the dynamic
duo to a fishing pier.

Alone in a forest of umbrellas.

Beware, Batman.

Too late!

Into the vacuum tank.

Less air, less, less.

And when the last
balloon bursts, wait.

The last gasp is yet to come.

Hold... Hold on, Robin.

Hold on.

They're still breathing.

How in the name of purple
wombats do they manage it?



Check the air indicator.

Not enough for a mouse.

Mouse.

Too much. Let it
drop below butterfly.

Pull those bellows faster.

Suck the air out faster.

That's better.

Now, my little pollywog, let me know
the instant it drops below butterfly.

Hello, my
leather-lunged adversary.

Let me see you
try to breathe now.

Butterfly.

Butterfly, Batman, butterfly.

Watch the bouncing balloons.

Going, going...

gone!

They're done for!

They're both of them done for!

- Hip, hip, hooray!
- Hip, hip hooray!

Oh, fondest dreams,
oh, secret hopes...

at last I have defeated
the dynamic duo.

What are we standing
here for? Off we go.

Off we go? Boss, don't we
gotta get rid of the bodies?

- Yeah.
- Ha, ha.

First things first.

First we establish an alibi and
then we destroy the evidence.

Move, move, move, move over.
I must find me a fine fishy alibi.

Hurry!

Robin.

Wake up, Robin.

And once I freed Robin...

I carried him out of Penguin's
vacuum tank to the Batmobile...

and here we are.

Well, I can understand how you
got away, but one thing puzzles me.

You say it was a vacuum
tank, if so, what did you breathe?

He breathed air, chief.

- But there wasn't no air.
- Ah, but there was.

The emergency tank of Bat-oxygen
right here in my utility belt.

After cutting my bonds with
my Bat-knife, the rest was simple.

Thank the saints
for the utility belt.

Holy oxygen. It's a good
thing one of us thought of that.

- Incredible. Isn't it, chief?
- Yes, sir.

Only you could
be so resourceful.

Only you could put that pusillanimous
poltroon of a penguin to flight.

The south fishing pier, you say?

I'll have the dragnet
out in 10 minutes.

I'll put that Penguin back up
the river before he can bat an eye.

It's no use, Chief O'Hara. Not
even a dragnet could trap him now.

- He got away?
- We scoured the entire pier.

By the time Robin and I were
free, The Penguin had fled.

But don't fret about
it, Chief O'Hara.

We'll have another chance.

Another chance? I don't see how.

You're forgetting The
Penguin's plot, commissioner.

The millionaire's award dinner.

Jumping codfish, so we have.

Now, he won't
give that up, will he?

Not when there's 12
million in cash involved.

- What shall we do, Batman?
- Stop him of course, commissioner.

But how? We don't know
where the dinner is to be held.

No, we don't. But there's
one man who does.

The man who arranged the dinner in the
first place, multimillionaire Bruce Wayne.

Good thinking, Batman.

Of course. Bruce Wayne.

We must contact him immediately.

You should be able to reach
him at his mansion. Then call me.

I shall arrange a counterplot.

Right.

Bruce.

Commissioner
Gordon. How are you?

In need of help, Bruce.

Your ward, Dick Grayson,
told me I could find you here.

I'm flattered. How can I be
of help to the Gotham Police?

Well, information is what we
need most at the moment. Uh...

We must know where the
millionaire's award dinner will take place.

Why is that information so
important, commissioner?

We're expecting The
Penguin to strike again.

The dinner will be held in
the captain's dining salon...

aboard the flagship of the
Wayne Steamship Company...

the SS Gotham Neptune.

Thank you, Bruce.

Now, you must excuse me. I have
a multitude of details to work out.

Yes, of course, commissioner.

He's right here, sir.

Yes, commissioner?

You spoke to Bruce Wayne, and?

Good. Call him
back and tell him...

Of course, commissioner. I'll assist in any
way I can to help you and Batman trap Penguin.

You want our little group of
multimillionaires to do what?

The rest is quite simple really.

Word has been leaked via
the underworld grapevine...

that the millionaire
award dinner will be held...

here.

Wayne Manor?

But it will not be held there,
instead it will actually be held...

here.

In the captain's dining
salon aboard the flagship...

of the Wayne Steamship
Line, the Gotham Neptune.

Holy rudder.

You mean that while the dinner's
being held on board, meanwhile...

Meanwhile, The Penguin
and his criminal cohorts...

will close in on the mansion.

Into the arms of the waiting police. Golly,
Alfred. It's the perfect plan, isn't it?

Perfection indeed, Master Robin.

The police to pounce
on The Penguin.

Batman and you at the
banquet to safeguard the millions.

And speaking of perfection, sir, if
you'll excuse me, I have much to prepare.

The, uh, menu for the banquet.

Everything from
caviar to crêpe Suzette.

Not to mention the giant cake...

out of which will pop the young lady
chosen to represent the charity this year.

Yes, indeed, sir.

Oh, uh, and, sir?

- Yes, Alfred.
- Which young lady has been chosen?

The honor falls to
Miss Natural Resources.

She is our chosen
charity for the year.

Very good, sir.

Holy jitterbugs.
That twitch again.

Poor fellow.

But he was kidnapped.

Batman, I have
a horrible thought.

Can we trust Alfred?

Implicitly, Robin.

I trust Alfred implicitly.

Rule, Britannia

Britannia rules the waves

Britons never, never,
never shall be slaves

Mr. Wayne's residence.
Alfred speaking.

Who is that speaking?

Who else but Penguin.

Remember, Alfred?

I remember.

The time and place of
the millionaire's dinner.

Report.

Word has been leaked via
the underworld grapevine...

that the millionaire's award
dinner will be held here.

Here? Where?

Wayne Manor. But...

But what?

Answer, you soporific servitor.

But it will not be held here.

- Actually, it will be held...
- Yes?

In the captain's dining salon...

Yes?

Onboard the flagship of
the Wayne Steamship Line...

Yes?

The Gotham Neptune.

The Gotham Neptune.

And the winning charity?

Miss Natural Resources.

Good.

You have remembered.

Now you will forget.

Hello? Hello?

Hmm. No one there.

Rule, Britannia

Britannia rules the waves

That's fine.

Come on. Batman is on his
way up. You gotta be ready.

Batman? I thought Bruce
Wayne was gonna escort me.

No, he's out of town.
Batman is filling in.

Stand still, will you?

All you gotta do is jump out of that
cake and let them throw money at you.

Yeah, right. I'll jump out.

Hey, what's this?
What are you doing?

- En garde!
- What are y...?

Away!

Quickly. There you go.

Quickly, you fumbling finks.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Out.

Courage, my little haddock.

Psst, psst.

Miss Natural Resources?

Yes. And you're my escort.

Oh, I'm so thrilled.

I trust you like orchids.

I love them.
They're my favorite.

Oh, do you mind if I put
them on in the elevator?

Uh, it... It's so
drafty standing here.

No, of course not. How rude
of me not to have noticed.

Oh, by the way, have you ever
popped out of a cake before?

- No. But I've been practicing.
- Good.

Then there should
be no trouble at all?

No trouble.

Two hours later, aboard
the gaudy Gotham Neptune.

- Nice dinner, Alfred.
- Thank you, sir.

Mint, or would you prefer
a chocolate almond?

Uh, no, thank you.

Say, Batman, isn't it about time? I'm
very anxious to donate my million dollars.

Uh, shall I bring in the
pièce de résistance, sir?

French, sir. It refers to
the feature of the evening.

Oh, yes, of course.
The giant cake.

Yes, yes, Alfred. As Mr. Wayne's stand-in,
it's my job to keep things moving.

You may fetch it now.

At once, sir.

Oh!

You may come out
now, young lady.

Millionaires' row.

Down they go like
diamond-studded tenpin.

Batman, Master Robin.

Oh, what have I done?

Get the loot then
back to the pier.

The pier? But, boss, the
fuzz know all about the pier.

Well, wise up, you finny fool.

They found it empty.

That's the last place
they'd expect me to go.

Victory for the fishy foul.

Can this be?

Unmoving, silent, the Caped
Crusader and the Boy Wonder.

Oh, gloom! Oh, doom!

Boss, you got it.

Let's see it, the money,
the moola, the millions.

Here, feast your eye there.

It makes my mouth
water some more.

- How about our cut?
- Yeah!

So you wanna swallow the
whole thing in a gulp, do you?

Here, my fine finny finks.

Here's a few hundred
fistful of hors d'oeuvres there.

- You know what I'm gonna do with my cut?
- Yeah?

I'm going to the South Seas
and open up a school for pirates.

Now, do what you like...

but with my giant share,
I'm going to put it in this safe.

Not for me the simpering life,
lowing under the breadfruit tree.

No, my share will be
used for nobler purposes...

to escalate the cause of crime.

- What crime, boss?
- Well, bigger's better.

Now that I'm rich, I can bribe, I can
burrow, I can scheme, I can connive.

- What's the matter, Finella? You look forlorn.
- Maybe she's cold. She forgot her fur coat.

What? That's the
problem is it? Ha, ha.

Here, buy another.
Buy a dozen others.

Now, you stop
that. Quit sobbing.

I can't stand the
gurgling of tears.

No, I can't take
it. It's not mine.

Not the coat, not the
money, not any of it.

Just because I wanted
to win a beauty contest.

Ah, my little gold figurine.
You tadpole, you did win it...

when you popped out of that
giant popover, and we won this.

No, I cheated and you cheated.

And that's for
charity, not for cheats.

Oh, who's gonna save
our natural resources now?

Good girl. Well spoken.

The Dynamic Duo.

You have learned your lesson.

Crime never pays.

- Batman.
- It can't be.

We gassed you at the party.

We prepared ourselves beforehand
with anti-Penguin-gas pills.

You beat me back here to
boot, but you'll never get me alive.

No!

Robin!

Hoist in your own evil net.

You'll pay for this!

Not before you do,
Penguin, behind bars.

Robin, call the police. Tell
them the culprit is theirs.

Alfred!

- Oh, uh, may I have some of that, please?
- Oh.

Thank you.

- Isn't this a lovely party?
- Yes, isn't it?

Oh, I do hope all that
money will be safe this time.

You may rest assured, madam.

Now that the
Penguin is in the pen...

Mr. Wayne says that the award
dinner will proceed in complete safety.

No, I don't know any more about it
than what was in the newspapers.

Uh, just that Batman and
Robin came to the rescue.

And in the nick of time if I
may say so, Master Dick.

- Excuse me, will you?
- Sure.

I shudder when I think
what might have been.

- It's not your fault, Alfred.
- Oh, but it was.

Allowing myself to be brainwashed
by that perfidious Penguin.

Why, I gave away the whole plot.

Au contraire, Alfred, without you, Bat...
Batman would have never succeeded.

Sir, you mean you knew
that I was brainwashed?

We certainly did.

That's why Batman made sure
that you had the information...

so that you, in turn, could
pass it on to Penguin.

We were all prepared, Alfred.

Even to pretending
to be unconscious...

when Finella popped out of the
cake and used the gas umbrella.

And speaking of Miss Finella.

I see that you got my invitation, but I
never thought that you would make it.

I brought her down
for the party myself.

I'm so happy to be here.

And, oh, thank you for
the coat, I don't deserve it.

But we millionaires
decided that you do.

Did you not assist Batman
and Robin in capturing the...?

Please don't mention his name.

When I think that I almost helped
him get away with all those millions.

Almost but not quite, little lady. That's why
we managed to get permission for you to come.

That Batman, such
a wonderful person.

Mr. Wayne, do you think that
I'll ever get to see him again?

Who knows, my dear?

Perhaps someday you may.

- Now, may I help you with your wrap?
- Oh.

It's all right. You're
among friends here.

Dick.

Well, someday, when you've
paid your debt to society...

you may be released from prison
not only for one day but forever.

Next week, Batman
faces the Catwoman.