Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 32 - The Riddler's False Notion - full transcript
Robin has been captured by 'The Riddler', leaving Batman fearing his own reaction. Therefore he asks Commissioner Gordon to accompany him to the Bat-cave to witness his interrogation of Pauline, The Riddler's moll. All clues eventually lead back to the priceless silent film collection of Mr. Van Jones, to which The Riddler is about to add his own silent masterpiece.
So far we have seen, in the
lobby at a silent film festival...
an unscheduled diversion.
The Tramp was a Riddler.
What the blazes was his game?
He was after a
roll, a tasty payroll.
But this roll had a twist...
a crooked crew
behind a movie camera.
And two stars who didn't
know they were in the picture.
A trap...
caught again on film.
And in the abandoned cutting
room of a bankrupt movie studio...
the Riddler and his felonious
filmsters enjoyed the show...
and got ready for
an even stranger one.
Temper tonic...
poured into innocent lemonade at
Mr. Van Jones' temperance party.
Incredible effect:
Friends turned
into snarling beasts.
A free-for-all.
And down in the driveway,
a damsel in distress.
Oh, yeah?
Robin. Where's Robin?
In the Riddler's
filthy clutches...
kindling for the
biting buzz saw.
We warned you before...
we warn you again...
in just one minute you will
see a boy wonder sawed in two.
Meanwhile, even as
the buzz saw spins...
a desperate Batman races from the
scene of Mr. Van Jones' fatal party...
bent on pursuit
of Robin's captors.
Horrors, the Boy Wonder's tiny
utility belt radio lost in the struggle.
No way of contacting him now.
Batman, wait!
I'm so ashamed, Batman,
the way I behaved at that party.
It's not your fault. Riddler's henchmen
spiked your drinks with temper tonic.
You've taken my universal
drug antidote. You'll be all right.
But still, my unseemly behavior certainly
contributed toward Robin's capture.
Let that be a lesson.
In future, be more careful from
whom you accept free lemonade.
What the blazes?
Great Scott, Batman. Look up
there, a parachute blossoming.
"A bear like a fallen tree"?
Easy. A bear lumbers and a
fallen tree becomes lumber.
Good grief, another one.
"Why is silk like grass?"
Even easier.
You measure both by the yard.
Lumber, yard.
The Gotham Lumber Yard. That
must be where he's holding Robin.
Goodbye, commissioner.
Speed to headquarters.
I'll call you if I need help.
Goodbye, Batman! Save that boy!
Robin?
Robin.
Do you hear me?
You'll be history now,
Batman. Ha, ha, ha.
I'll do better
than that, Riddler.
Question: When is a man a
stupid relative, huh? Ha, ha, ha.
I've had enough of
your murderous riddles.
Surprise, Batman.
This is what is known in
the film game as a two-parter.
Look. Ha, ha, ha.
When is a man like
a stupid relative?
When he's a mannequin.
A dummy.
Robin?
Riddler?
Stop! Surrender!
Give yourself up...
or by all that's holy, I might
forget myself and do you violence.
My name is Pauline.
My lawyer's name
is Mr. Oliver Wendell.
Why don't you look
him up and buzz him.
No use, Batman.
She's hard as nails.
Knows her legal rights too.
A frustrated would-be actress...
a star that was never born, venting
her disappointment on society.
Only one thing to
do, commissioner.
Take her to the
Batcave and work on her.
Great Scott, Batman. Revealing its location
would be tantamount to taking off your mask.
Not quite, commissioner.
Before the trip, I intend to render
her senseless with a whiff of Bat-gas.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
- I'd like you to come along too, commissioner.
- Me? To the Batcave?
When it's a question of Robin's
safety, I don't entirely trust myself.
I'd like a witness present to make
sure that I don't employ methods...
which might bounce
back on me in court.
Well, of course, if you wish
my presence, Batman, I'll...
Bat-gas for me as well?
It's a precaution I have
to take, commissioner.
If you were captured
and tortured by criminals...
you might reveal the
location of the Batcave.
I place myself in your hands, Batman,
with the most serene confidence.
Sit down, commissioner.
Restrain her, Chief O'Hara.
Hey, hey, wait! Wait,
I want my lawyer!
Help! No, don't you dare...! Ah!
I assure you, commissioner,
the sensation is not unpleasant.
Your handkerchief.
Great saints.
Chief O'Hara, summon some men.
We'll need help in getting
them to the Batmobile.
Great Scott. At last,
the fabulous Batcave.
- Unusual, isn't it?
- Oh, magnificent.
I feel as if I've awakened
in some future age.
Such equipment.
What fantastic ingenuity you
and the Boy Wonder employed...
- in hooking it together.
- True.
We did muster many
long hours of brain power.
However this is no time
for self-congratulation.
A small demonstration
will now take place.
- A demonstration?
- Yes, commissioner.
Take this can of Bat-wake.
When I give you this signal...
- spray a whiff of it in the prisoner's face.
- Certainly.
You will notice, commissioner,
that this Bat-mask...
in most ways, resembles an
ordinary operating room oxygen mask.
I will introduce no drugs, no
serums into Pauline's bloodstream.
- I understand.
- Now, commissioner...
- Give her the Bat-wake, please.
- Oh, yes. Ahem.
Where am I?
Deep in the entrails
of the earth, Pauline...
where every instrument
has been designed...
to combat crime and
snare its perpetrators.
There are those who came
to this Batcave and never left.
That is true.
Now tell me, where
is Robin being held?
I don't know.
Are you sure?
Yes.
- I only know...
- Yes?
- Those two riddles.
- Give them.
Why was Flo Ziegfeld
like a nearsighted man?
Because they both
put on spectacles. Two?
What kind of men are
always above board?
Chessmen.
Join me over here, commissioner.
Watch very carefully,
commissioner.
I'm going to mingle Pauline's captured breath
with the clear liquid in this container.
What do you hope to
discover, Caped Crusader?
The truth, commissioner.
If Pauline's
answers were true...
then the oxygen content of
her breath will turn this liquid red.
If, however, she lied...
then the increase in her metabolism will
increase the oxygen content of her breath...
and cause an imbalance, which will
leave this liquid clear and undisturbed.
- Do you understand?
- Oh, yes, yes, of course, sure.
Now for the test.
Would you squeeze
the bag, commissioner?
Thank you.
Fantastic.
Oh, I doff my hat to you, Batman. No
wonder you're the nemesis of crime.
Obviously you were
telling the truth, young lady.
A wise decision, I promise you.
Commissioner.
You observed I used no undue
methods to extract that confession.
Oh, none whatever. I'd affirm
that in the highest court in the land.
But what do those strange
clues mean, Batman?
Simple, commissioner.
Look at it in the context of the theme
which has run throughout this entire case:
Silent movies.
Clue one, spectacles.
Harold Lloyd, of course.
He always wore spectacles...
and he was often found perilously
balanced on the ledge of a high building.
Chessmen.
The Chessman Building.
Right, commissioner.
I'll call Chief O'Hara on the Bat-Phone, alert
him where to find you along the roadside.
I'll also tell him that he will find
this standby container of Bat-wake...
in your right-hand coat pocket.
Oh, right there. Oh, thank you.
This has been a privilege,
Batman, a rare privilege.
I thank you.
You're welcome.
Fire away.
Meanwhile, on a narrow ledge...
just below the roof of the
venerable Chessman Building...
the Riddler and his felonious filmsters
prepare to shoot a shattering spectacle...
stolen straight
from Harold Lloyd.
Coming up, the last reel in our dizzying
drama, starring the Boy Wonder...
going down.
Ha, ha, ha. This time no
whimsical dummy, but the real thing.
You low-down fiend.
What's the point of all of this?
Comedy, Boy Wonder.
Lighthearted comedy to
accommodate a connoisseur.
Riddler, this life of crime
has finally softened your brain.
- Oh?
- Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha. Question: Can a
Robin fly if his wings are clipped?
You won't earn a nickel murdering
me, Riddler. This doesn't make sense.
Correct, Boy Wonder.
Not cents, dollars.
At least $1 million.
Rehearsal.
Make sure my safety
belt doesn't show.
With you, Riddler, baby.
Make with the action.
Whoop. Heh, heh, heh.
Ah-ah-ah! Whoa! Whoa!
Ah-ah-ah! Whoa, whoa!
Cut. End of rehearsal.
This time we film it.
But mit the difference, ja?
Ja, mit the difference.
This time the Boy
Wonder makes the plunge.
- Rolling.
- Mit the mood music.
Robin!
- Curses!
- The Bat-Rope!
Grab it with your teeth.
Hold on, Robin, tight.
I'll lead you back
up to the ledge.
You all right, Robin?
Holy molars, am I ever glad
I take good care of my teeth.
True, you owe your
life to dental hygiene.
If only more people...
Those cowardly crooks,
they're escaping again.
If only we had our Batcopter.
- Holy smokes, skywriting.
- More clues, no doubt.
You're right, Batman.
Look, a riddle.
"What kind of machine has ears?"
That one's for nursery
school. A train, of course.
A train has engineers.
You wanna land us all back
up in the pen again, baby?
Lackeys, you don't realize
these clues have a false meaning.
"A cowboy wear a tight belt"?
The same reason a policeman or
anyone else does, to hold up his pants.
Train, a holdup.
Wow, the El Chief.
- Which?
- The El Chief, Batman.
A famous train which all the
movie people used to take.
And Riddler is
planning to hold it up.
It fits like a glove.
Yes, it does. Very
good thinking, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon, Robin
calling from the Batmobile.
Thank heavens you're
safe. How do you feel?
Just great. How do you feel?
No noxious
aftereffects whatever.
Tell Batman it was like waking
from a strange, refreshing dream.
I'll do that, commissioner.
In the meantime,
here's a red-hot tip.
Send every man you've got
to Gotham Central Station.
Stake out that famous
train, the El Chief.
A strange and
shocking twist to the plot.
For even as the defenders of law and
order descend on Gotham Central Station...
the Riddler shows up on
the other side of the city...
at the mansion of Mr. Van Jones,
famed fancier of old silent films.
Well, come in.
Mr. Riddler, at last.
Yeah, I have it right
here, Mr. Van Jones...
my silent masterpiece.
The only silent movie ever made
of Batman and Robin in action.
I can hardly wait.
Oh. Heh, heh.
Imagine, the first silent epic
filmed in almost four decades...
mine.
What a triumph for a
collector like myself.
But come on, let's
run it. Come on.
Sensational, Mr. Riddler.
Worth every penny of the
$100,000 I contracted to pay you.
I thank you, Mr. Van Jones.
Just a moment, I'll put this film in
the safe, and get you your check.
Will you excuse me?
Have no fear for the safety
of your epic, Mr. Riddler.
I'll keep it with my others
in this burglar-proof vault.
It can be opened by
positively no one but myself.
Mr. Van Jones, why are
you like a clock at midnight?
Answer:
Because both your hands
are going straight up right now.
What is this?
This is your last reel.
Step aside.
But my film, you can't take it.
They're priceless.
I think we'll find a price...
when you try to
ransom them back.
This way, partners!
No sheriff, Riddler, baby?
Posse went thataway,
to the train station.
- Hurry it up, boys.
- Yeah.
Clean out that safe and
let's head for them hills.
- What the blazes?
- A bat shadow.
Same old ending, Riddler.
It never fails.
Thought you had us
fooled with your clues, huh?
The Great Train Holdup, the
most famous silent film ever made...
and the only existing print is
right here in the Van Jones safe.
Get them, boys.
Get them, or we'll never
make it to the border.
Good heavens.
Call Chief O'Hara, Robin.
Tell him we have the
entire cast right here.
Unh. The cast?
You're about to star in a picture
of your very own, Riddler...
a long picture.
Title: Up the River.
Alfred, why are you dawdling so?
We're going to be
late at the restaurant.
- Is that so, madam?
- Well, of course, it's so.
We're due to meet Dick
and Bruce there at 8:00.
As you say, madam.
Alfred, really, and
on my birthday too...
when Dick and Bruce promised
they'd have a big surprise for me.
And that's precisely what I
shouldn't wish you to miss, madam.
- Happy Birthday, Mrs. Cooper.
- Many happy returns.
Merciful heavens to Betsy,
it's Batman and Robin.
My friend, Bruce, contacted
me through the commissioner.
He said you'd always wanted
to meet the Dynamic Duo.
Kind of like a birthday
surprise, Mrs. Cooper.
- It's an honor, ma'am.
- And a pleasure too.
May we take the liberty?
I think we better run.
Right. We'll be late for that
appointment we have tonight.
Happy birthday
again, Mrs. Copper.
Quickly, let's race
to the Batmobile.
Oh, Alfred.
Alfred, imagine. They kissed me.
Will Bruce and Dick ever
believe that when I tell them?
Oh, I'm sure they will.
After all, I was a witness.
- Madam?
- Heh, heh.
Next week, the
Penguin waddles again.
lobby at a silent film festival...
an unscheduled diversion.
The Tramp was a Riddler.
What the blazes was his game?
He was after a
roll, a tasty payroll.
But this roll had a twist...
a crooked crew
behind a movie camera.
And two stars who didn't
know they were in the picture.
A trap...
caught again on film.
And in the abandoned cutting
room of a bankrupt movie studio...
the Riddler and his felonious
filmsters enjoyed the show...
and got ready for
an even stranger one.
Temper tonic...
poured into innocent lemonade at
Mr. Van Jones' temperance party.
Incredible effect:
Friends turned
into snarling beasts.
A free-for-all.
And down in the driveway,
a damsel in distress.
Oh, yeah?
Robin. Where's Robin?
In the Riddler's
filthy clutches...
kindling for the
biting buzz saw.
We warned you before...
we warn you again...
in just one minute you will
see a boy wonder sawed in two.
Meanwhile, even as
the buzz saw spins...
a desperate Batman races from the
scene of Mr. Van Jones' fatal party...
bent on pursuit
of Robin's captors.
Horrors, the Boy Wonder's tiny
utility belt radio lost in the struggle.
No way of contacting him now.
Batman, wait!
I'm so ashamed, Batman,
the way I behaved at that party.
It's not your fault. Riddler's henchmen
spiked your drinks with temper tonic.
You've taken my universal
drug antidote. You'll be all right.
But still, my unseemly behavior certainly
contributed toward Robin's capture.
Let that be a lesson.
In future, be more careful from
whom you accept free lemonade.
What the blazes?
Great Scott, Batman. Look up
there, a parachute blossoming.
"A bear like a fallen tree"?
Easy. A bear lumbers and a
fallen tree becomes lumber.
Good grief, another one.
"Why is silk like grass?"
Even easier.
You measure both by the yard.
Lumber, yard.
The Gotham Lumber Yard. That
must be where he's holding Robin.
Goodbye, commissioner.
Speed to headquarters.
I'll call you if I need help.
Goodbye, Batman! Save that boy!
Robin?
Robin.
Do you hear me?
You'll be history now,
Batman. Ha, ha, ha.
I'll do better
than that, Riddler.
Question: When is a man a
stupid relative, huh? Ha, ha, ha.
I've had enough of
your murderous riddles.
Surprise, Batman.
This is what is known in
the film game as a two-parter.
Look. Ha, ha, ha.
When is a man like
a stupid relative?
When he's a mannequin.
A dummy.
Robin?
Riddler?
Stop! Surrender!
Give yourself up...
or by all that's holy, I might
forget myself and do you violence.
My name is Pauline.
My lawyer's name
is Mr. Oliver Wendell.
Why don't you look
him up and buzz him.
No use, Batman.
She's hard as nails.
Knows her legal rights too.
A frustrated would-be actress...
a star that was never born, venting
her disappointment on society.
Only one thing to
do, commissioner.
Take her to the
Batcave and work on her.
Great Scott, Batman. Revealing its location
would be tantamount to taking off your mask.
Not quite, commissioner.
Before the trip, I intend to render
her senseless with a whiff of Bat-gas.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
- I'd like you to come along too, commissioner.
- Me? To the Batcave?
When it's a question of Robin's
safety, I don't entirely trust myself.
I'd like a witness present to make
sure that I don't employ methods...
which might bounce
back on me in court.
Well, of course, if you wish
my presence, Batman, I'll...
Bat-gas for me as well?
It's a precaution I have
to take, commissioner.
If you were captured
and tortured by criminals...
you might reveal the
location of the Batcave.
I place myself in your hands, Batman,
with the most serene confidence.
Sit down, commissioner.
Restrain her, Chief O'Hara.
Hey, hey, wait! Wait,
I want my lawyer!
Help! No, don't you dare...! Ah!
I assure you, commissioner,
the sensation is not unpleasant.
Your handkerchief.
Great saints.
Chief O'Hara, summon some men.
We'll need help in getting
them to the Batmobile.
Great Scott. At last,
the fabulous Batcave.
- Unusual, isn't it?
- Oh, magnificent.
I feel as if I've awakened
in some future age.
Such equipment.
What fantastic ingenuity you
and the Boy Wonder employed...
- in hooking it together.
- True.
We did muster many
long hours of brain power.
However this is no time
for self-congratulation.
A small demonstration
will now take place.
- A demonstration?
- Yes, commissioner.
Take this can of Bat-wake.
When I give you this signal...
- spray a whiff of it in the prisoner's face.
- Certainly.
You will notice, commissioner,
that this Bat-mask...
in most ways, resembles an
ordinary operating room oxygen mask.
I will introduce no drugs, no
serums into Pauline's bloodstream.
- I understand.
- Now, commissioner...
- Give her the Bat-wake, please.
- Oh, yes. Ahem.
Where am I?
Deep in the entrails
of the earth, Pauline...
where every instrument
has been designed...
to combat crime and
snare its perpetrators.
There are those who came
to this Batcave and never left.
That is true.
Now tell me, where
is Robin being held?
I don't know.
Are you sure?
Yes.
- I only know...
- Yes?
- Those two riddles.
- Give them.
Why was Flo Ziegfeld
like a nearsighted man?
Because they both
put on spectacles. Two?
What kind of men are
always above board?
Chessmen.
Join me over here, commissioner.
Watch very carefully,
commissioner.
I'm going to mingle Pauline's captured breath
with the clear liquid in this container.
What do you hope to
discover, Caped Crusader?
The truth, commissioner.
If Pauline's
answers were true...
then the oxygen content of
her breath will turn this liquid red.
If, however, she lied...
then the increase in her metabolism will
increase the oxygen content of her breath...
and cause an imbalance, which will
leave this liquid clear and undisturbed.
- Do you understand?
- Oh, yes, yes, of course, sure.
Now for the test.
Would you squeeze
the bag, commissioner?
Thank you.
Fantastic.
Oh, I doff my hat to you, Batman. No
wonder you're the nemesis of crime.
Obviously you were
telling the truth, young lady.
A wise decision, I promise you.
Commissioner.
You observed I used no undue
methods to extract that confession.
Oh, none whatever. I'd affirm
that in the highest court in the land.
But what do those strange
clues mean, Batman?
Simple, commissioner.
Look at it in the context of the theme
which has run throughout this entire case:
Silent movies.
Clue one, spectacles.
Harold Lloyd, of course.
He always wore spectacles...
and he was often found perilously
balanced on the ledge of a high building.
Chessmen.
The Chessman Building.
Right, commissioner.
I'll call Chief O'Hara on the Bat-Phone, alert
him where to find you along the roadside.
I'll also tell him that he will find
this standby container of Bat-wake...
in your right-hand coat pocket.
Oh, right there. Oh, thank you.
This has been a privilege,
Batman, a rare privilege.
I thank you.
You're welcome.
Fire away.
Meanwhile, on a narrow ledge...
just below the roof of the
venerable Chessman Building...
the Riddler and his felonious filmsters
prepare to shoot a shattering spectacle...
stolen straight
from Harold Lloyd.
Coming up, the last reel in our dizzying
drama, starring the Boy Wonder...
going down.
Ha, ha, ha. This time no
whimsical dummy, but the real thing.
You low-down fiend.
What's the point of all of this?
Comedy, Boy Wonder.
Lighthearted comedy to
accommodate a connoisseur.
Riddler, this life of crime
has finally softened your brain.
- Oh?
- Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha. Question: Can a
Robin fly if his wings are clipped?
You won't earn a nickel murdering
me, Riddler. This doesn't make sense.
Correct, Boy Wonder.
Not cents, dollars.
At least $1 million.
Rehearsal.
Make sure my safety
belt doesn't show.
With you, Riddler, baby.
Make with the action.
Whoop. Heh, heh, heh.
Ah-ah-ah! Whoa! Whoa!
Ah-ah-ah! Whoa, whoa!
Cut. End of rehearsal.
This time we film it.
But mit the difference, ja?
Ja, mit the difference.
This time the Boy
Wonder makes the plunge.
- Rolling.
- Mit the mood music.
Robin!
- Curses!
- The Bat-Rope!
Grab it with your teeth.
Hold on, Robin, tight.
I'll lead you back
up to the ledge.
You all right, Robin?
Holy molars, am I ever glad
I take good care of my teeth.
True, you owe your
life to dental hygiene.
If only more people...
Those cowardly crooks,
they're escaping again.
If only we had our Batcopter.
- Holy smokes, skywriting.
- More clues, no doubt.
You're right, Batman.
Look, a riddle.
"What kind of machine has ears?"
That one's for nursery
school. A train, of course.
A train has engineers.
You wanna land us all back
up in the pen again, baby?
Lackeys, you don't realize
these clues have a false meaning.
"A cowboy wear a tight belt"?
The same reason a policeman or
anyone else does, to hold up his pants.
Train, a holdup.
Wow, the El Chief.
- Which?
- The El Chief, Batman.
A famous train which all the
movie people used to take.
And Riddler is
planning to hold it up.
It fits like a glove.
Yes, it does. Very
good thinking, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon, Robin
calling from the Batmobile.
Thank heavens you're
safe. How do you feel?
Just great. How do you feel?
No noxious
aftereffects whatever.
Tell Batman it was like waking
from a strange, refreshing dream.
I'll do that, commissioner.
In the meantime,
here's a red-hot tip.
Send every man you've got
to Gotham Central Station.
Stake out that famous
train, the El Chief.
A strange and
shocking twist to the plot.
For even as the defenders of law and
order descend on Gotham Central Station...
the Riddler shows up on
the other side of the city...
at the mansion of Mr. Van Jones,
famed fancier of old silent films.
Well, come in.
Mr. Riddler, at last.
Yeah, I have it right
here, Mr. Van Jones...
my silent masterpiece.
The only silent movie ever made
of Batman and Robin in action.
I can hardly wait.
Oh. Heh, heh.
Imagine, the first silent epic
filmed in almost four decades...
mine.
What a triumph for a
collector like myself.
But come on, let's
run it. Come on.
Sensational, Mr. Riddler.
Worth every penny of the
$100,000 I contracted to pay you.
I thank you, Mr. Van Jones.
Just a moment, I'll put this film in
the safe, and get you your check.
Will you excuse me?
Have no fear for the safety
of your epic, Mr. Riddler.
I'll keep it with my others
in this burglar-proof vault.
It can be opened by
positively no one but myself.
Mr. Van Jones, why are
you like a clock at midnight?
Answer:
Because both your hands
are going straight up right now.
What is this?
This is your last reel.
Step aside.
But my film, you can't take it.
They're priceless.
I think we'll find a price...
when you try to
ransom them back.
This way, partners!
No sheriff, Riddler, baby?
Posse went thataway,
to the train station.
- Hurry it up, boys.
- Yeah.
Clean out that safe and
let's head for them hills.
- What the blazes?
- A bat shadow.
Same old ending, Riddler.
It never fails.
Thought you had us
fooled with your clues, huh?
The Great Train Holdup, the
most famous silent film ever made...
and the only existing print is
right here in the Van Jones safe.
Get them, boys.
Get them, or we'll never
make it to the border.
Good heavens.
Call Chief O'Hara, Robin.
Tell him we have the
entire cast right here.
Unh. The cast?
You're about to star in a picture
of your very own, Riddler...
a long picture.
Title: Up the River.
Alfred, why are you dawdling so?
We're going to be
late at the restaurant.
- Is that so, madam?
- Well, of course, it's so.
We're due to meet Dick
and Bruce there at 8:00.
As you say, madam.
Alfred, really, and
on my birthday too...
when Dick and Bruce promised
they'd have a big surprise for me.
And that's precisely what I
shouldn't wish you to miss, madam.
- Happy Birthday, Mrs. Cooper.
- Many happy returns.
Merciful heavens to Betsy,
it's Batman and Robin.
My friend, Bruce, contacted
me through the commissioner.
He said you'd always wanted
to meet the Dynamic Duo.
Kind of like a birthday
surprise, Mrs. Cooper.
- It's an honor, ma'am.
- And a pleasure too.
May we take the liberty?
I think we better run.
Right. We'll be late for that
appointment we have tonight.
Happy birthday
again, Mrs. Copper.
Quickly, let's race
to the Batmobile.
Oh, Alfred.
Alfred, imagine. They kissed me.
Will Bruce and Dick ever
believe that when I tell them?
Oh, I'm sure they will.
After all, I was a witness.
- Madam?
- Heh, heh.
Next week, the
Penguin waddles again.