Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Purr-fect Crime - full transcript

It is midnight and
Gotham City sleeps...

but not everyone...

for there is evil afoot in the
Gotham City Art Museum.

What's that? Who's there?

I know it was valuable.

But why'd they take only that and leave
all those other magnificent treasures?

I'm as puzzled as
you are, commissioner.

Uh... Oh, Bonnie,
come in. Come in.

The oddest-looking man left this
for you, sir. He said it was important.

- Odd-looking? In what way, Bonnie?
- I'm just not sure, commissioner.

He was as jumpy as a cat.



Thank you. Thank you, Bonnie.

A kitten.

Ah, look, there's a bit
of paper under his collar.

Yes, looks like a newspaper clipping.
What do you make of it, O'Hara?

What? Wait, that's Mark
Andrews, the multimillionaire...

owner of the stolen golden cat. And,
look, one of them has been crossed out.

And those two cats are only a
small part of his priceless collection.

Yes, one was on loan to the museum, and
the other is at the Gotham City Exposition.

- I smell the tracks of a feline predator.
- You mean...?

Exactly. The Catwoman.

I'm afraid this calls for
more drastic methods.

It's actually quite
rudimentary, Dick.

You just have to think
14 moves ahead, that's all.

Holy Reshevsky.



Gosh, Bruce, I think I'll just
stick to Latin crossword puzzles.

- Yes, Alfred?
- The phone, sir.

Well, I didn't hear the phone.

Oh, I, uh... Heh. I was
just making a call, madam...

and there was someone
on the line for Mr. Wayne.

Oh, yes, that's
happened to me too.

We'll finish our snack
later, Aunt Harriet.

- Yes, commissioner?
- Dreadful news.

- Catwoman is on the prowl again.
- We're on our way.

To the Batpoles.

We believe that this is just the
first of the planned robberies.

Good thinking, commissioner.

Obviously, the Catwoman would
not be satisfied with only this.

No, I'm certain this is merely the
first stitch in a large tapestry of crime.

And the clipping?

There is a great deal
of hidden significance...

in the fact that just one of
the cats is scratched out.

Gosh, I wish Mark Andrews was here.
I'll bet he could give us some more info.

And indeed, I can.

Batman and Robin, the Boy
Wonder, this is Mark Andrews.

We called him to come
down to headquarters.

- How do you do, Mr. Andrews?
- What a thrill this is, Batman.

I've followed your exploits for
years. Nice meeting you too, Robin.

This clipping indicates that
there are two golden cats.

Yes, the second one is at
the Gotham City Exposition.

I wouldn't lend any one
institution both cats at one time.

- Insurance, you know.
- Yes, I understand.

- How long is it on display at the exposition?
- Until this evening.

So if Catwoman is going to
steal that one, she'll do it tonight.

Correct, Robin.
There's no time to lose.

Will you be wanting any
extra police protection?

No, thank you, Chief O'Hara.

I certainly don't mean to cast any
aspersions on the Police Department.

But this time, I think Robin
and I better go it alone.

Any large contingent of police officers
might create unnecessary confusion.

Whatever you say, Batman. I
know it'll be safe with you on the job.

Let's go, Robin.

- It just doesn't sound right.
- Too easy, is it, Robin?

First the cat at the museum,
then the cat at the exposition.

Then... Then...

- The rest of Mark Andrews' collection.
- Holy trickery, you're right.

But I don't understand why Catwoman
would tell us what she's planning.

Maybe to give us a false
lead to hide the real crime.

- You haven't fastened your safety Bat Belt.
- We're only going a couple of blocks.

It won't be long until you're old
enough to get a driver's license, Robin.

Then you'll be able to drive
the Batmobile and other vehicles.

- Remember, motorists' safety.
- Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way...

Meanwhile, in a quiet alley in the
heart of downtown Gotham City...

is a fur warehouse, an
innocent place of business.

Or is it?

What a beauty. I'll bet
it's worth a small fortune.

Heh. Fat lot of good that does
us. She stole it, but she won't sell it.

Yeah, I wonder why.
We should get our cut.

Yours is not to reason why.

Yours is to do as I tell you to, or
you'll keep tasting my cat o' nine tails.

- Leo, did you get the books?
- Yes, Catwoman.

I had to go all the way down to the
main library, but I got every one of them.

- Felix, what about the delivery?
- Smooth as cream.

- Made it without a hitch.
- Good.

I know that Batman and
Robin will swallow the bait.

And when they do, I'll be rid of
that dynamic duo once and for all.

Others have tried but failed.

The Catwoman is
not like the others.

I'll show you how to clip Batman
and Robin's wings. I will prevail.

Oh, joy, success and revenge all
wrapped up into one sweet package.

We're sorry, Catwoman. We
didn't mean to step on your paws.

Hm.

Well, don't do it again.
Now, where are the books?

I'll get them for you, Catwoman.

Each of you know what
you have to do, so do it.

And remember this...

once we get that other cat, the
key to untold riches will be ours.

Yes, Catwoman.

Meow.

Good afternoon, sir. Trouble?

The Catwoman has
unsheathed her claws again.

Oh, will she never learn?

While the atomic reactor is
recharging the Batmobile...

please help Robin with the auxiliary
power channel. Time is of the essence.

- All set in the auxiliary power channel.
- Good. The solution is ready.

Increase the power to 17,000 kW.

- Power to 17,000 kW.
- That's it. All power off.

All power off.

- Alfred.
- Yes, sir?

Please attach that high-pressure
can to the outlet valve.

There. That will neutralize
the dangerous radioactivity...

and give us just the proper
amount of emission for our purposes.

May one inquire, sir, exactly
what are your purposes?

Of course, Alfred.

It's a defense mechanism in case
the Catwoman eludes us tonight...

and decides to make
off with her prize.

You see, we spray this
radioactive mist on an object...

and then we can trace it on the
Bat-o-meter within a radius of 50 miles.

Remarkable.

When dealing with powerful criminal elements,
one can never be too well-prepared. Let's go.

- Batman, Robin, this way, please.
- Thank you, citizens.

No need for you to wait in
line. You're on official business?

- I'd rather not say.
- There's no charge for you. Go right in.

No, I'd rather pay just like
any other ordinary citizen.

- Yes?
- They're here.

- Excellent.
- This place closes at 6.

One of the guards told me
that Batman and Robin...

will be in the Great Hall
of Culture and Art alone.

Splendid.

- Is everything okay?
- Perfect.

Well, I, for one, just
don't like it, that's all.

I mean, dealing with
Batman and Robin.

Well, I don't know, it
just makes me nervous.

Everything makes you nervous.

Well, I'd feel a lot better if
I knew who he really was.

The whole idea of
a bat bothers me.

That's exactly what
I'd expect from you.

Five-thirty, just enough time
for a catnap. Felix, scram.

And have the car parked
catty-corner at exactly 11 sharp.

Right.

There.

Now we'll be able to trace the
radioactivity within a 50-mile radius.

Hm.

Almost midnight. Time
to check the exits again.

- I'll do it.
- No, Robin.

You better let
me do it this time.

If you see or hear anything, let
me know via the Bat communicator.

- I'll be back in three minutes and 20 seconds.
- Right.

Holy cats, a cat.

Help, Batman, help.

What is it, Robin? Answer me.

Ah...

Poor little Robin. Did the
itty-bitty kitty ruffle your feathers?

You feline devil.

What have you done with Robin?

Oh, is that any way to
greet an old friend, Batman?

Not even a "hello, how are you"?

Meow.

Teach him some manners, fellas.

Robin, old chum.

Come on, cats,
let's get out of here.

What happened? The cat.

Easy now, Robin, you
were drugged with catclaw...

a fiendish preparation designed to
attack the central nervous system.

The universal drug antidote
pills will fix you up posthaste.

- Did she get the cat?
- Yes, Robin.

It's just as I planned it.

Now the Catwoman herself will lead us
to her lair and the recovery of both cats.

Batman, the Bat-o-meter
is functioning perfectly.

All we do is follow the
blip and we're on the trail.

Of course I know
they're on our trail.

They wouldn't be Batman
and Robin if they weren't.

Are we set to greet
our two pigeons?

Oh, they're going to get
a hello they'll never forget.

Good. Just make sure
nothing goes wrong.

I wouldn't wanna
miss this opportunity.

We're ready whenever
you are, Catwoman.

- Felix.
- Yes, Catwoman?

You can brush my pussy
willows before you leave.

- And don't go against the fur.
- I'll treat them like they was my very own.

This is it, Robin.
She's in that building.

How can you be sure, Batman?

Look up, Robin, the
sign over the door.

"Gato and Chat Fur Company."

Gato means "cat" in Spanish,
and chat means "cat" in French.

Only the Catwoman would
choose a hideout with those names.

I'm glad you're up on your foreign languages.
They come in handy when fighting crime.

Sí, sí, Batman.
What do we do now?

There are no entrances and
only one door. We have no choice.

- We'll use the Bat Beam in the Batmobile.
- Why don't we just walk right in?

The door may be booby-trapped.

We won't take any chances
if we use the Bat Beam.

Stand by for Bat Beam.

You were right again, Batman.
We might have been killed.

Or worse. Now, let's go.

The door.

It seems it will be more difficult
getting out of here than it was getting in.

Good evening, Batman
and Robin. Welcome.

Good evening, Catwoman. It
seems as if you were expecting us.

I have a wonderful night planned
for you, and it starts right now.

Where are we?

You are deep in the inner
catacombs of this building.

This is the last room
you will ever occupy.

I've heard that song
before, Catwoman.

But the last few bars are always the same,
and the criminal is always behind them.

This is my night
to howl, Batman...

because tonight you are
the mice and I am the cat.

The old cat-and-mouse
game, is it?

You have a wonderful
way with words, Batman.

I couldn't have
put it any better.

How does it feel to be the
quarry for a change, hm?

Mm...

What's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?

All right, you've had
your laugh, Catwoman.

- Now, what do you intend to do with us?
- Do?

Well, first, I'm gonna give
you two a few pointers.

Holy ice picks.

- What are we gonna do, Batman?
- Ticklish situation, isn't it, Batman?

Hit the deck, Robin.
I'll get us out of this.

These pointers are made
of painted rubber, Robin.

- The old cat-and-mouse game.
- Exactly.

But it was scary for a while,
wasn't it, Batman? Meow.

Your sense of humor
leaves me cold, Catwoman.

Felix.

Perhaps my next idea will warm
you up, Batman. It's quite interesting.

- Almost cataclysmic.
- Evil is as evil does.

Ha! Now, you have to admit
that was funny, Batman.

Your childish antics lead me to
believe you're a kitten, not a cat.

Leo?

I'm bored with you, Batman.

The time has come to
separate Damon from Pythias.

The catalog is closed.
Say goodbye to each other.

Say bye-bye to Robin.
Your little bird has flown.

What have you done with him?

That's for me to know
and you to find out.

- You feline devil.
- Tsk-tsk and another tsk, Batman.

Why don't you just admit I'm smarter
than you are and let it go at that?

There is more than one
way to skin a Catwoman.

- You a betting man?
- I never gamble.

Well, this time you'll have to, because
I now have a wager you must accept.

The stakes are your life.

You leave me no choice.

Ah, but I do, and that is the
sum and substance of the bet.

In front of you are two doors.
I'm standing behind one of them.

- And the other?
- Ah, there's the rub.

Behind the other door is a
ferocious Batman-eating tiger.

- So the odds are even?
- Correct.

If you pick the right
door, I'm yours, Batman.

If you pick the wrong
door, you're mine.

So which is it, Batman,
the lady or the tiger?

The lady or the tiger?

Will Batman ever
see Robin alive again?

Will Robin ever see
Batman alive again?

Will our daring duo escape
the claws of the wily Catwoman?