Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 18 - Holy Rat Race - full transcript
Alfred contacts Batman by radio from the Batcave. Batman instructs the butler to short circuit a communications device the hero has on his wrist. This enable Batman to get free of his bonds. He and Robin get free just before they would be run over by a subway train. The Dynamic Duo resume their pursuit of False Face, which ends up at an old movie studio.
So far we have seen
a jeweled crown...
an inflating cape...
a crown proved false...
a cry for aid...
and a ready answer.
While False Face plotted...
a robbery?
No, an ambush...
which backfired.
False Face in chief's
clothing captured the chief.
Deduction by the duo.
A daring escape by Blaze...
later nabbed by
the Caped Crusader.
Interrogation and repentance.
An embrace.
Holy entanglement.
A gasser.
An escaping pair.
The Dynamic Duo
on the wrong track...
facing a fearsome fate.
Wait. The wildest
is yet to come.
In the Batcave deep
under Wayne Manor...
a faithful Alfred tends
to his daily duties.
And now the cultural hour
brings you a special message:
"To the friends of Batman: Many
are called but two are chosen.
Be receptive."
Now we return to the
fragile intricacies of Mozart.
Hold on, old chum.
I've got an idea.
Batman. Calling
Batman and Robin.
This is the Batcave.
Calling Batman.
Calling Batman.
It's Alfred. I've turned
on the Bat radio.
Alfred, Batman here.
Oh, very good, sir.
I was concerned.
Alfred, pull the short-circuit
lever on the Bat Transmitter.
Short-circuit lever. But...
But, sir, that will destroy
your wrist Bat radio.
Alfred, our relationship has
always been one of mutual respect.
I cannot disregard my own standards and
order you to destroy the Bat Transmitter.
But I am urging you to comply.
If you put it that way, sir.
Wasn't that Batman and Robin?
Ah, yes. Fighting crime
wherever it may be.
Good for them.
Escaped. The tricky twosome
tore free, thanks to you.
Why accuse me of it? Batman's
a redoubtably fine crime fighter.
Fine, huh?
Perhaps you find him attractive.
Intriguing, was that it?
I? False Face, I was
merely according Batman...
the respect due an outstanding
adversary. I haven't the slightest...
Not so much protesting, Blaze,
and I'd believe you sooner.
I say do the deep six with her.
Not so fast. I make
the moves in this mob.
Yes, sir.
I'll decide about you
in the morning, Blaze.
Meanwhile...
I warn you...
one thing I will not allow is
anyone being false to me.
You say the radio message said
"Many are called but two are chosen"?
Yes, sir. Clearly a reference
to yourself and Master Robin.
I therefore activated the Bat Alarm
and called you on the Bat Transmitter.
Luckily for us.
But, gosh, why'd False Face
trap us then send a warning?
- Why?
- He wouldn't.
But who would?
The question is, Robin,
not only why but who?
Very neatly done,
Alfred. Thank you.
Who sent that message? Who?
O'Hara, where have you been?
On a garbage scow, commissioner.
It's all right.
In a sack.
I was wrapped up and abandoned.
- That's criminal.
- That it is, sir.
That's why I'm concerned
about Batman and Robin.
- The Caped Crusaders?
- Yes.
For I was put into this
condition by False Face.
Today all Gotham City is
pulsating with one question.
What criminal outrage will
False Face perpetrate next?
Meanwhile, Police Chief O'Hara,
shaken by his ordeal as the prisoner...
of the masked master
of criminal concealment...
has sworn revenge.
Chief O'Hara will broadcast an appeal to
the citizenry of Gotham City later tonight.
Of course.
- What is it, Batman?
- Broadcast.
We'll trace that mysterious radio
message back to its broadcasting source.
- Holy transistors.
- Let's go.
Who ordered that announcement?
A complete stranger. Anonymous.
Frankly, Batman, I assumed that it
was simply another announcement.
If someone wishes a message broadcast
like "Many are called, two are chosen"...
I assume it's
religious and that's all.
I don't think we should
treat religion lightly.
Oh, of course not.
I merely meant I treated
it as part of the day's work.
Then it's another dead end.
Thanks to False Face.
Is that who's involved, False Face,
the criminal master of disguise?
None other. That's why we
hoped you'd give us a clue.
I am sorry, but...
I say, there was one little
thing that you might call peculiar.
What is it?
The young lady who
paid for the announcement.
She was not only staggeringly
beautiful, she had green hair.
- Green hair. Holy wigs.
- Blaze.
Does that mean anything to you?
Indeed it does.
Good observation, Gore.
Darn good observation.
Then perhaps you can tell me what
she meant by her parting remark.
As she handed me the
check and payment, she said...
I could bank on its being false.
Check, bank, false.
What bank was that
checked drawn on?
Gotham National.
Of course.
That's the bank that False
Face is planning to break.
- You mean the check is no good?
- Not as a check, Mr. Gore.
But as a message, yes.
Send the check to Commissioner
Gordon. I'll see that you're paid.
Blaze ordered the
radio announcement?
- And saved our lives.
- She did even more than that.
At great personal risk, she gave us
a clue as to False Face's next move.
- How so?
- When she handed the man at the station...
a check in payment for the announcement,
she said he could bank on it being false.
Sounds rather cryptic to me.
The check was drawn on the
Gotham City National Bank.
It baffles me, Batman. If False Face
contemplates a counterfeiting coup...
- why break into a bank?
- For a double dose of diabolical deception.
Think, what's in a bank?
- Money?
- Right.
And what has False
Face been forging?
- Money. Counterfeit money.
- Right again.
Think of the consequences
if False Face...
replaced the bank's good
money with counterfeit currency.
Ghastly. He's
gambling for billions.
Gosh, nobody's money would be
worth anything except False Face's.
And nobody would be
able to tell true from false.
He must be stopped.
No, he must be
encouraged, enticed...
and only then entrapped.
But how?
By falsehood.
Falsehood?
Is Batman capable of
out-falsing False Face?
Perfect. No one suspected
you were hiding in here all day.
The bank is closed, and we're
ready to begin our attack, right?
Right, FF.
Brinks, the bars.
Very good, Brinks.
Burns, careful, now.
There's a very cunning electric
eye set just 18 inches above the floor.
- Go.
- Right, FF.
Electric-eye alarm eliminated.
Excellent, excellent, excellent.
Pinkerton, the
TNT timed torpedo.
Yes, FF.
Back, back.
You did it, FF.
We're rich, beyond
the dreams of avarice.
Not my dreams of avarice.
Quickly, now, loot sacks out.
Now, let me at
that lock. Is it clean?
I'll dust it, FF.
He's so fastidious.
What? Is it possible?
Not only possible but true.
Please. Not that word.
We've turned your own tricky tables
on you, False Face, via a false vault.
I'm never out-tricked until
the last turn, Boy Wonder.
Chief O'Hara, tell your men
to search all these cubicles.
- Careful.
- Ow!
I'll handle him, chief.
Good man.
- He's been gassed.
- By that counterfeit policeman, False Face.
After him, Robin.
The dogged duo
is in hot pursuit.
And they'll catch
you, False Face.
I hope so.
I sincerely hope so,
because, you little fool...
I'm leading them into
a truly torturous trap.
What is False Face's
fiendish foolery?
Are the Caped Crusaders
heading into a cul-de-sac?
Will this be the dead end for the
dedicated deeds of Batman and Robin?
The old Bioscope Studios.
It's been abandoned for years.
False Face must have his hideout here in
the crumbling sets and faded false fronts.
We'll expose his concealments to the
light of day and put him behind real bars.
Good.
They're hot on my trail.
And very soon, they
may be even hotter.
As a matter of fact,
perhaps too hot.
Oh, you monster!
Holy rats in a trap.
False Face is getting away.
No, Robin, he seems to
be coming back this way.
What is he up to?
Let's find out, Robin.
Commissioner...
dispatch a patrol car to the
abandoned Bioscope Studios...
to pick up a couple of
thugs that Robin and I netted.
And we expect to add False Face
himself to the collection shortly. Hmm.
False Face may still have a plot
or two in his bag of fiendish tricks.
It's time for a little
trickery of our own, Robin.
They're coming right at me.
I've done it. I've done it.
I destroyed the Dynamic Duo.
- You diabolical demon!
- Uh-huh.
Well, your clever Caped
Crusaders are now kaput.
Brilliantly done, Batman.
But I blew up the Batmobile.
I saw it go.
Not exactly, False Face.
You destroyed a false Batmobile.
An inflated duplicate that I'd
prepared for just this kind of situation.
Face it, False Face.
You've been out-decoyed.
You fell for a phony target.
Now, will you come quietly?
Not yet, Dynamic Duo.
Wait, it's faster on
foot. Get me out of here.
Stay here, Robin.
Howdy, partners.
What's all the ruckus?
There's a criminal loose.
Rustlers, huh?
Well, I'll join the
posse myself.
I'll head him off at the pass.
Pass intercepted, False Face.
Commissioner.
Are you all right?
Yes, but the trickster got away
from me, vanished that way.
- Let's get after him.
- I'll send reinforcements.
I must get back to my
office. Order me a squad car.
- Yes, sir.
- That's not necessary.
False Face must be found
before he springs another scheme.
Absolutely accurate, False Face.
But, Caped Crusader,
that's the commissioner.
Is it? Then why is a right-handed commissioner
holding his handkerchief in his left hand?
Saints alive, it's False Face.
- So you finally fumbled, False Face.
- For the moment.
I lost him.
Luckily, commissioner,
he found us.
Impersonating a
police commissioner.
Well, the warden will be working
out a warm welcome for you.
Game and set to
you, Caped Crusader.
But wait, you may
yet meet your match.
Come. Come, now.
Let's not be late.
You know how sensitive a
criminal can be the first day of parole.
- But which criminal?
- And why here?
Because the Bruce Wayne
Rehabilitation Fund arranged for it all.
And I must say, I think this one magnificent
success justifies the entire risk.
Just think, a hardened
criminal, completely reformed.
You may come in now.
Penguin?
Joker?
Blaze.
Good morning,
Mr. Wayne, Mr. Grayson.
I want to thank you
personally, Mr. Wayne...
for because of your rehabilitation
fund, I feel like a new girl.
The pleasure is truly mine.
- What are your plans now, miss?
- I plan to go to New Zealand...
to keep house for my
poor but honest brother.
He's a sheepherder.
An entire new life.
Oh, I think that's simply fine.
And you, Mr. Wayne, are one of the
two men who have made this possible.
Two men? Who was the other one?
Batman.
The scourge of crime?
The Caped Crusader himself.
I hope when I have
paid my debt to society...
that I can in some way,
somehow, repay Batman.
I would think that somehow,
he knows of your redemption.
And somewhere, he is glad.
a jeweled crown...
an inflating cape...
a crown proved false...
a cry for aid...
and a ready answer.
While False Face plotted...
a robbery?
No, an ambush...
which backfired.
False Face in chief's
clothing captured the chief.
Deduction by the duo.
A daring escape by Blaze...
later nabbed by
the Caped Crusader.
Interrogation and repentance.
An embrace.
Holy entanglement.
A gasser.
An escaping pair.
The Dynamic Duo
on the wrong track...
facing a fearsome fate.
Wait. The wildest
is yet to come.
In the Batcave deep
under Wayne Manor...
a faithful Alfred tends
to his daily duties.
And now the cultural hour
brings you a special message:
"To the friends of Batman: Many
are called but two are chosen.
Be receptive."
Now we return to the
fragile intricacies of Mozart.
Hold on, old chum.
I've got an idea.
Batman. Calling
Batman and Robin.
This is the Batcave.
Calling Batman.
Calling Batman.
It's Alfred. I've turned
on the Bat radio.
Alfred, Batman here.
Oh, very good, sir.
I was concerned.
Alfred, pull the short-circuit
lever on the Bat Transmitter.
Short-circuit lever. But...
But, sir, that will destroy
your wrist Bat radio.
Alfred, our relationship has
always been one of mutual respect.
I cannot disregard my own standards and
order you to destroy the Bat Transmitter.
But I am urging you to comply.
If you put it that way, sir.
Wasn't that Batman and Robin?
Ah, yes. Fighting crime
wherever it may be.
Good for them.
Escaped. The tricky twosome
tore free, thanks to you.
Why accuse me of it? Batman's
a redoubtably fine crime fighter.
Fine, huh?
Perhaps you find him attractive.
Intriguing, was that it?
I? False Face, I was
merely according Batman...
the respect due an outstanding
adversary. I haven't the slightest...
Not so much protesting, Blaze,
and I'd believe you sooner.
I say do the deep six with her.
Not so fast. I make
the moves in this mob.
Yes, sir.
I'll decide about you
in the morning, Blaze.
Meanwhile...
I warn you...
one thing I will not allow is
anyone being false to me.
You say the radio message said
"Many are called but two are chosen"?
Yes, sir. Clearly a reference
to yourself and Master Robin.
I therefore activated the Bat Alarm
and called you on the Bat Transmitter.
Luckily for us.
But, gosh, why'd False Face
trap us then send a warning?
- Why?
- He wouldn't.
But who would?
The question is, Robin,
not only why but who?
Very neatly done,
Alfred. Thank you.
Who sent that message? Who?
O'Hara, where have you been?
On a garbage scow, commissioner.
It's all right.
In a sack.
I was wrapped up and abandoned.
- That's criminal.
- That it is, sir.
That's why I'm concerned
about Batman and Robin.
- The Caped Crusaders?
- Yes.
For I was put into this
condition by False Face.
Today all Gotham City is
pulsating with one question.
What criminal outrage will
False Face perpetrate next?
Meanwhile, Police Chief O'Hara,
shaken by his ordeal as the prisoner...
of the masked master
of criminal concealment...
has sworn revenge.
Chief O'Hara will broadcast an appeal to
the citizenry of Gotham City later tonight.
Of course.
- What is it, Batman?
- Broadcast.
We'll trace that mysterious radio
message back to its broadcasting source.
- Holy transistors.
- Let's go.
Who ordered that announcement?
A complete stranger. Anonymous.
Frankly, Batman, I assumed that it
was simply another announcement.
If someone wishes a message broadcast
like "Many are called, two are chosen"...
I assume it's
religious and that's all.
I don't think we should
treat religion lightly.
Oh, of course not.
I merely meant I treated
it as part of the day's work.
Then it's another dead end.
Thanks to False Face.
Is that who's involved, False Face,
the criminal master of disguise?
None other. That's why we
hoped you'd give us a clue.
I am sorry, but...
I say, there was one little
thing that you might call peculiar.
What is it?
The young lady who
paid for the announcement.
She was not only staggeringly
beautiful, she had green hair.
- Green hair. Holy wigs.
- Blaze.
Does that mean anything to you?
Indeed it does.
Good observation, Gore.
Darn good observation.
Then perhaps you can tell me what
she meant by her parting remark.
As she handed me the
check and payment, she said...
I could bank on its being false.
Check, bank, false.
What bank was that
checked drawn on?
Gotham National.
Of course.
That's the bank that False
Face is planning to break.
- You mean the check is no good?
- Not as a check, Mr. Gore.
But as a message, yes.
Send the check to Commissioner
Gordon. I'll see that you're paid.
Blaze ordered the
radio announcement?
- And saved our lives.
- She did even more than that.
At great personal risk, she gave us
a clue as to False Face's next move.
- How so?
- When she handed the man at the station...
a check in payment for the announcement,
she said he could bank on it being false.
Sounds rather cryptic to me.
The check was drawn on the
Gotham City National Bank.
It baffles me, Batman. If False Face
contemplates a counterfeiting coup...
- why break into a bank?
- For a double dose of diabolical deception.
Think, what's in a bank?
- Money?
- Right.
And what has False
Face been forging?
- Money. Counterfeit money.
- Right again.
Think of the consequences
if False Face...
replaced the bank's good
money with counterfeit currency.
Ghastly. He's
gambling for billions.
Gosh, nobody's money would be
worth anything except False Face's.
And nobody would be
able to tell true from false.
He must be stopped.
No, he must be
encouraged, enticed...
and only then entrapped.
But how?
By falsehood.
Falsehood?
Is Batman capable of
out-falsing False Face?
Perfect. No one suspected
you were hiding in here all day.
The bank is closed, and we're
ready to begin our attack, right?
Right, FF.
Brinks, the bars.
Very good, Brinks.
Burns, careful, now.
There's a very cunning electric
eye set just 18 inches above the floor.
- Go.
- Right, FF.
Electric-eye alarm eliminated.
Excellent, excellent, excellent.
Pinkerton, the
TNT timed torpedo.
Yes, FF.
Back, back.
You did it, FF.
We're rich, beyond
the dreams of avarice.
Not my dreams of avarice.
Quickly, now, loot sacks out.
Now, let me at
that lock. Is it clean?
I'll dust it, FF.
He's so fastidious.
What? Is it possible?
Not only possible but true.
Please. Not that word.
We've turned your own tricky tables
on you, False Face, via a false vault.
I'm never out-tricked until
the last turn, Boy Wonder.
Chief O'Hara, tell your men
to search all these cubicles.
- Careful.
- Ow!
I'll handle him, chief.
Good man.
- He's been gassed.
- By that counterfeit policeman, False Face.
After him, Robin.
The dogged duo
is in hot pursuit.
And they'll catch
you, False Face.
I hope so.
I sincerely hope so,
because, you little fool...
I'm leading them into
a truly torturous trap.
What is False Face's
fiendish foolery?
Are the Caped Crusaders
heading into a cul-de-sac?
Will this be the dead end for the
dedicated deeds of Batman and Robin?
The old Bioscope Studios.
It's been abandoned for years.
False Face must have his hideout here in
the crumbling sets and faded false fronts.
We'll expose his concealments to the
light of day and put him behind real bars.
Good.
They're hot on my trail.
And very soon, they
may be even hotter.
As a matter of fact,
perhaps too hot.
Oh, you monster!
Holy rats in a trap.
False Face is getting away.
No, Robin, he seems to
be coming back this way.
What is he up to?
Let's find out, Robin.
Commissioner...
dispatch a patrol car to the
abandoned Bioscope Studios...
to pick up a couple of
thugs that Robin and I netted.
And we expect to add False Face
himself to the collection shortly. Hmm.
False Face may still have a plot
or two in his bag of fiendish tricks.
It's time for a little
trickery of our own, Robin.
They're coming right at me.
I've done it. I've done it.
I destroyed the Dynamic Duo.
- You diabolical demon!
- Uh-huh.
Well, your clever Caped
Crusaders are now kaput.
Brilliantly done, Batman.
But I blew up the Batmobile.
I saw it go.
Not exactly, False Face.
You destroyed a false Batmobile.
An inflated duplicate that I'd
prepared for just this kind of situation.
Face it, False Face.
You've been out-decoyed.
You fell for a phony target.
Now, will you come quietly?
Not yet, Dynamic Duo.
Wait, it's faster on
foot. Get me out of here.
Stay here, Robin.
Howdy, partners.
What's all the ruckus?
There's a criminal loose.
Rustlers, huh?
Well, I'll join the
posse myself.
I'll head him off at the pass.
Pass intercepted, False Face.
Commissioner.
Are you all right?
Yes, but the trickster got away
from me, vanished that way.
- Let's get after him.
- I'll send reinforcements.
I must get back to my
office. Order me a squad car.
- Yes, sir.
- That's not necessary.
False Face must be found
before he springs another scheme.
Absolutely accurate, False Face.
But, Caped Crusader,
that's the commissioner.
Is it? Then why is a right-handed commissioner
holding his handkerchief in his left hand?
Saints alive, it's False Face.
- So you finally fumbled, False Face.
- For the moment.
I lost him.
Luckily, commissioner,
he found us.
Impersonating a
police commissioner.
Well, the warden will be working
out a warm welcome for you.
Game and set to
you, Caped Crusader.
But wait, you may
yet meet your match.
Come. Come, now.
Let's not be late.
You know how sensitive a
criminal can be the first day of parole.
- But which criminal?
- And why here?
Because the Bruce Wayne
Rehabilitation Fund arranged for it all.
And I must say, I think this one magnificent
success justifies the entire risk.
Just think, a hardened
criminal, completely reformed.
You may come in now.
Penguin?
Joker?
Blaze.
Good morning,
Mr. Wayne, Mr. Grayson.
I want to thank you
personally, Mr. Wayne...
for because of your rehabilitation
fund, I feel like a new girl.
The pleasure is truly mine.
- What are your plans now, miss?
- I plan to go to New Zealand...
to keep house for my
poor but honest brother.
He's a sheepherder.
An entire new life.
Oh, I think that's simply fine.
And you, Mr. Wayne, are one of the
two men who have made this possible.
Two men? Who was the other one?
Batman.
The scourge of crime?
The Caped Crusader himself.
I hope when I have
paid my debt to society...
that I can in some way,
somehow, repay Batman.
I would think that somehow,
he knows of your redemption.
And somewhere, he is glad.