Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 17 - True or False Face - full transcript

Another glorious sun-drenched
day in Gotham City.

A fitting day for nuptials,
exhibits, or grand theft.

"Look out, cops. I
hereby crown myself."

Signed, False Face.

Yes, he's back again, that infamous
criminal master of trickery and disguise.

I am the Princess Mergenberg.

What is this I hear?
My crown will be stolen?

Oh, we'll keep it safe
for you, Your Highness.

Oh, so? Then what is this?

"All that glitters is gone."

Shouldn't that be "All
that glitters is gold"?



Oh, that's the trademark
of False Face, a false quote.

But the crown is here, and safe.

Not quite, Chief O'Hara.

It's False Face.

In disguised person.

Stop, thief.

An inflatable cape. She
must be an accomplice.

After them, men.

The police are hot on our trail.

Then we'll cool them down.

Oh, so False Face is back
and up to his old tricks, eh? Heh.

Disguised as the
Princess Mergenberg...

he and his accomplice, the
beautiful Blaze, tried for the crown.

And failed.



A false top. Plastic.

The crown.

Phony.

Utterly worthless.

False Face has struck
deviously and ruthlessly.

Can't we stop this master
of devilish disguises?

Commissioner, there's only one
man living who can unmask False Face.

Chief O'Hara, you
have said it for all of us.

Our only hope is that towering power
for right and justice, the Caped Crusader.

I'll call him, sir.

Pine, elm, hickory...

Gosh, botany is tough. I'll never
learn to recognize all these trees.

Come, come, Dick.

Pine, elm, hickory,
chestnut, maple.

Part of our heritage is the lore of
living things, the storybook of nature.

That's true, Bruce. I'll learn
to read that book of nature yet.

Begging your pardon,
sir. It's the Batphone.

- Jiminy, what are we waiting for?
- Oh, Dick, I found one of your specimens.

Thanks a million, Aunt Harriet,
but we were just going to, uh... Uh...

A ramble in the woods, Aunt
Harriet. Nature in the raw, so to speak.

Oh.

Yes, commissioner?

Prepare yourself for a shock.

It's False Face.
He struck again.

We're on our way.

To the Batpoles.

I'm afraid it won't stop for the Mergenberg
crown, worth a million though it is.

This is only the first droplet
in a virtual wave of crime.

Jiminy, yes. False Face always
plans big. Crooked, but king size.

All too true, Boy Wonder.

Messenger here for Batman.

- Uh, are you Batman, sonny?
- I am.

"I intend to give money to a
defenseless little girl." Signed, F.F.

I'd wager that's
some sort of a code.

It is. False Face always says
the opposite of what he means.

Then "I intend to give money"
means he intends to take money.

But what
defenseless little girl?

- Confusing, eh, sonny?
- Not really.

The victim is neither little
nor a girl nor defenseless.

Opposite of girl's a boy.

And the opposite of defenseless?

- Say, wearing armor?
- That's it. Of course.

The Ladd Armored Car Company.

Holy bouncy
boilerplate, it fits.

Ladd as in boy, armored for
defense, a big truck full of money.

That's it. You've got it.

I have more than that.

Unless I missed
my gaze, you're...

Blaze, False Face's trusted
assistant, at your service.

You've got quite a grip
there, Caped Crusader.

A sound mind and a sound body, a necessity
in the relentless war against crime.

And speaking of crime, why
did False Face send you here?

False Face challenges you to
prove that he's committed a crime.

And if you do, to catch him.

And me.

It's too late.

- Blaze, she's as elusive as a flickering flame.
- I'll bet that's how she earned her nickname.

I warrant you, we'll snuff
out her fiery criminal career.

To the Ladd Armored
Car Company, let's go.

Are we all assembled?

The counterfeit crew are
ready and on duty, False Face.

Good.

First, men, I've succeeded in
lifting the Mergenberg crown.

- You've done it again, F.F.
- Only the beginning.

Blaze, my trusted assistant...

has succeeded in starting
off step two of my overall plan.

We are about to double-dizzy
Batman and Robin...

until the dexterous duo is duped,
decoyed and diabolically destroyed.

I have planned the greatest
creation of my covert criminal career.

False Face will stamp his
disguised image on all Gotham City.

Today Gotham City,
tomorrow the world.

Three cheers for F.F.

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Thanks, men. I know
you didn't mean it.

But back to business.

Batman and Robin must go.

Batman and Robin.

Why, it isn't often that a simple
businessman is honored by a visit...

from the champion of justice
and his youthful associate.

- How can I help you?
- Rather it's we who can help you.

We have reason to believe that one of
your armored trucks may be in danger.

Good heavens.

I've just received word that
one of my trucks is late...

and is due at the National Bank to
pick up a huge shipment of money.

I wouldn't be surprised if
False Face were the spoke...

- in that set of wheels.
- Right.

- Mr. Ladd, may I use your telephone?
- Oh, yes, of course.

Commissioner Gordon
please, this is Batman speaking.

Commissioner, there's
no time to explain.

Dispatch as many spare men as possible to
the Gotham City National Bank immediately.

Mr. Ladd, we'll
keep you informed...

and let you know as soon
as your missing truck is found.

Bless you, Batman.

Every law-abiding citizen of
Gotham City goes with you in spirit.

And if it were
possible, in body.

Batman and Robin.
Come to make a deposit?

No, we've come to prevent
a withdrawal, by False Face.

What? False Face, notorious
criminal, master of disguise?

Then we better load the money
in the truck before it's too late.

It's already too
late, False Face.

- What?
- Right.

That's False Face
himself in disguised person.

Yeah? What makes you so sure?

It's obvious.

Only a criminal would disguise
himself as a licensed bonded guard...

yet callously park in
front of a fire hydrant.

It's always the little things.

This time it'll cost you a
big penalty, False Face.

We're going to withdraw you from
circulation and deposit you in jail.

Well, Boy Wonder,
your interest is overdue.

Thank you, Batman,
for braking into my trap.

Batman, it's Blaze
in the Batmobile.

Aah. Oh, you're so strong.

I urge you to abandon this life of
crime, Blaze, before it's too late.

It's already too late, Batman.

Holy Houdini.

Another deft escape by that
master of disguise and deceit.

But where can False Face be?

Saints alive. It's False
Face disguised as meself.

Right you are, O'Hara.
Welcome to dreamland.

All right, take off.

- Everything's under control, chief.
- Good work.

This paper that False Face used to
print his message, it's rather special.

Tensile resistance, 85.

Holy armored plate. This is
the strongest stuff I've ever seen.

As I suspected.

Eighty-six, 87, 87.6.

I can't figure it out, Batman.

I think a little session with the
Batanalyst might clarify things, Robin.

Uh, I seem to be short of cash.
Alfred, have you a dollar bill?

- Certainly, sir. There.
- Thank you.

By focusing ultraviolet light...

and applying the principles of
controlled fluorescent diffraction...

we can readily discern...

False Face printed his message on the
same kind of paper they use to make money.

What use could he make
of that sort of paper, sir?

To make money. His kind
of money, counterfeit money.

Will the man stop at nothing?

This paper is made by a top-secret
government process, indeed.

Only a few people outside the official
banknote printing company are aware...

that it's the only paper
that cannot be counterfeited.

Aha.

- You found something?
- The solution, sir?

The size, the
material, it all fits.

This is official banknote paper.

False Face must have penetrated
the official banknote printing company.

And if he has plans for counterfeiting,
he'll go back there for more special paper.

But we will be there before
he is. To the Batmobile.

Alfred, inform Mrs. Cooper that we may
be a trifle late for supper this evening.

Very good, sir.

- There's nobody here.
- Not so far.

But if someone should arrive, I
think we should be out of sight.

- Excuse me, do you have a light?
- Why, certainly.

But smoking is forbidden
in the banknote paper room.

- What department are you in, miss?
- Removal.

You see, my curious
friend, we need this paper.

Quickly, move this
into the trick truck.

- It's Batman.
- And Robin.

We've been found out.

No, you don't, Blaze. I have
the answer to that little trick.

I knew sooner or later...

you would overcome
my bag of tricks.

Let the plant guards clean up these
beauties. I want to interrogate Blaze.

Batman. Let me down!

You must excuse Chief O'Hara.

He has an agonizing toothache
and finds it difficult to speak.

- I can hardly recognize his voice.
- Mm.

I hope it gets
better, Chief O'Hara.

She's awakened.

Well, miss, it seems
we've apprehended you.

You? Scarcely.

Batman captured me.

Only the nemesis of crime could
have tripped up Blaze so deftly.

Blaze, we've deduced False
Face's intent to counterfeit money.

We must know where he
intends to perform the printing.

So you're in on the
counterfeiting caper.

Very clever, Caped Crusader.

But I know that's only
part of his overall plan.

We must have details on the
complete plot. How, where, when?

- I don't know.
- You? His first lieutenant?

That's pretty dim, Blaze.

False Face trusts no one,
and no one trusts False Face.

Like his name, like his enumerable
disguises, he is forever in concealment.

I know he plans a gigantic
coup, but I am not in on his plans.

Then I'm afraid
we're at a dead-end.

I'll tell you one thing, Batman.

If there is one force in this world
that False Face fears, it's you.

And the Boy Wonder, of course.

Many times I have heard him mutter,
"If it were not for the Caped Crusaders...

I would be kingpin
of the criminal class."

The swine.

That False Face is rotten
to his concealed core.

Please, commissioner, even False
Face has a conscience, somewhere...

and can be
rehabilitated, somehow.

That's so true, Batman. For
the moment, I was carried away.

Batman, you...
You are truly good.

And if I can, I'll help
you find False Face.

All right, we'll take a
chance on trusting you, Blaze.

Sorry, I... I was carried away.

- Well, let's all be away, after False Face.
- Right.

If I might make a suggestion.

Why not let the dynamic
duo go with Blaze...

while I make certain a force
of picked police stand by.

- Capital.
- Good thinking, O'Hara.

It's nothing.

I'd better be on me
way too, commissioner.

- I wouldn't wanna lose Batman.
- Right.

Can it be? Are Batman and
Robin rushing into dire peril?

Does Batman know Chief
O'Hara is False Face?

Can he trust the
treacherous Blaze?

Clever. Who'd suspect a
shut-down subway station?

And it's centrally located for
False Face's nefarious plans.

I'm sorry we took so long to get here,
Batman, but I was unsure of the way.

Where to now? Time
is of the essence.

Oh, good heavens, no wonder
I'm starved. It's after lunch.

Oh, Batman, would you
get me a candy bar please?

Candy?

Actually fresh fruit is
much more healthful.

Oh, but there's none here,
and there is a candy machine.

He's such a
gentleman. You both are.

True cavaliers.

Aw.

False Face.

That's quick-setting
plastic cement.

Oh, yes, you're strong, Batman, but a
bull elephant couldn't break these bonds.

- False Face, is this killing necessary?
- Absolutely. They must be disposed of.

The express will be through
here inside of five minutes, Batman.

Inside of six, no more Batman.

Fiend.

False Face, you'll
regret this, eventually.

Oh, I regret it already.
False Face, let's reconsider.

Never.

No, you don't. Come.

Batman, forgive me.

Of course, Blaze.

Any young girl might
follow the wrong impulse.

I forgive you.

Take a last look.

Inside of minutes, the dynamic duo
will be merely disintegrated debris.