Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 7, Episode 15 - Contempt: Part 1 - full transcript

- HEY.
- HEY.

HEY, DIETRICH.

VERY FUNNY.

HEY, LOOK, UH...

SHE TOLD ME ELLEN
HAD GONE TO YALE.

I JUST ASSUMED YOU'D LIKE HER.

YEAH.

WELL, SHE... SHE WAS SMART.

SO IS KISSINGER.
YOU DANCE WITH HIM.

WELL, THEN, I'M SORRY ABOUT
LINDA AND ME LEAVING YOU GUYS

IN THE RESTAURANT
LIKE THAT, BUT...



UH-HUH.

THINGS JUST WORKED
OUT PRETTY GOOD FOR ME.

GOOD.

SO I GUESS I OWE YOU ONE.

YEAH.

WELL, WHAT'D YOU END
UP DOING AFTER DINNER?

I WENT HOME.

SHE'S PROBABLY STILL
CUFFED TO THE CHAIR.

WOJO.

MORNING, BARN.

HARRIS. HEY, BARN.

SOMEBODY GET HIS
TAMBOURINE STOLEN?

BARN, LOOK AGAIN.

MY GOD. IS THAT RAY?



I THINK THAT'S WHAT
GOD MUST HAVE SAID.

RAY?

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HELLO, CAPTAIN MILLER.

WHAT HAPPENED?

SOMEBODY BROKE INTO
THE HARBOR LIGHT CENTER,

TOOK ABOUT 50
BUCKS IN PETTY CASH

AND A COUPLE CASES
OF SOUP STARTER.

I MEANT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

OH, YOU MEAN THIS?

WELL, YEAH.

LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE, YOU WERE, UH...

A... CIVILIAN.

I WAS A BUM.

RIGHT.

BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE.

GOOD.

I MUST SAY, YOU
LOOK VERY IMPRESSIVE.

COURSE, WE'RE ALLOWED TO WEAR

OUR REGULAR CLOTHES,
TOO, YOU KNOW.

BUT ALL MY REGULAR
CLOTHES STINK.

UH, BARN, I'VE, UM...

I'VE GOT GOT RAY LOOKING
THROUGH THE MUG BOOKS,

SEE IF HE CAN SPOT ANYBODY WHO
WAS HANGING AROUND THE MISSION.

YES, I'D JUST LIKE
TO TALK TO THE GUY.

I MEAN, MAYBE...

50 BUCKS DON'T
SEEM LIKE MUCH, BUT...

WELL, THE ARMY HAS GOT
A DAYCARE CENTER, AND...

WELL, 50 BUCKS
CAN PUT A HOT LUNCH

INTO THE BELLY OF 67 NEEDY KIDS!

I'M SORRY. I...

GET CARRIED AWAY SOMETIMES.

UH, SIT DOWN, RAY.

BARN, I JUST SPENT 50
BUCKS ON DRY CLEANING.

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO
LEARN TO LIVE WITH THAT.

BY THE WAY, YOU GUYS ARE
ON YOUR OWN THIS AFTERNOON.

I'VE GOT COURT.

NO KIDDING.

YEAH. GOT TO GO TESTIFY ON
THAT GORMAN CASE, REMEMBER?

OH.

YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE $8 MILLION
COCAINE BUST THAT WE MADE?

THE, UH, ONE THAT'S
GETTING ALL THE PUBLICITY?

THAT'S THE ONE.

WERE YOU IN ON THAT?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

SURE, YOU REMEMBER ME.

I WAS THE GUY WITH
THE MOUSTACHE...

AND THE SHOTGUN...

WHO PLANNED AND LED THE RAID.

WHICH DEVELOPED FROM A TIP
FROM MY SOURCE OF INFORMATION.

OH, WELL. WE SKIPPED LUNCH.

I'LL BE SURE TO MENTION
THAT AT THE TRIAL.

OH, BARN, WE'LL GET THAT.

12th PRECINCT. SERGEANT HARRIS.

UH, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

UH, BARN?

THERE'S A DISTURBANCE
AT LE BEAUMON RESTAURANT

OVER ON BARROW.

- OKAY, YOU AND DIETRICH.
- RIGHT.

ARTHUR, GOT A DISTURBANCE
AT A RESTAURANT.

RIGHT. SOUNDS
LIKE SHE GOT LOOSE.

COFFEE IS THE
ONLY VICE I GOT LEFT,

SO I LIKE TO MAKE
THE MOST OF IT.

IT'S A SIN, ALL RIGHT.

FUNNY.

THAT'D KILL THEM
DOWN AT THE POST.

FEEL FREE TO USE IT.

BLESS YOU.

SO, I BET YOU'RE
PROBABLY WONDERING

WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE OLD RAY, RIGHT?

UM...

WELL, BARNEY, MY STORY
BEGINS ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

I WAS AT A REAL LOW
POINT, EVEN FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, SLEEPING IN DOORWAYS.

GIVING BLOOD THREE,
FOUR TIMES A WEEK.

PICKING THROUGH TRASH
CANS FOR HALF-EATEN HOT DOGS,

PRETZELS, WIPING OFF THE ANTS...

I-I-I GOT THE PICTURE.
I GOT THE PICTURE.

THEN SOMETHING
INCREDIBLE HAPPENED.

I WAS GOING DOWN AN ALLEY...

JIGGLING DOORKNOBS,
LIKE I USED TO DO,

AND I FOUND ONE
THAT WASN'T LOCKED.

A CHURCH.

LIQUOR STORE.

OH.

AND THERE I WAS, ALL ALONE,

AT A BOOZE BUFFET.

AND I WENT FOR IT.

RED WINE, WHITE WINE,

AND THAT BLUE STUFF THAT
GOES GREAT WITH ANY DISH.

APRICOT BRANDY...
KAHLUA... DRAMBUIE.

I DRANK WHISKEY OUT
OF AN ELVIS DECANTER.

SOUNDS LIKE A LOVELY EVENING.

YOU WOULD THINK SO.

BUT FOR SOME
REASON, I FELT... EMPTY.

THEN, AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER,
I MUST HAVE BLACKED OUT,

BECAUSE WHEN I CAME TO
A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER...

I WAS ON THE SUBWAY.

I WAS DRIVING IT.

THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT
MY LIFE LACKED DIRECTION.

MR. BOUTON, INSIDE, PLEASE.

ALL I WANTED WAS AN OMELET!

WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

THIS IS SIDNEY BOUTON.

ACCORDING TO WITNESSES,
HE GOT INTO A SHOUTING MATCH

WITH A FEW OF THE
WAITERS AT THE RESTAURANT,

AND THEN HE STARTED
THROWING SOME PUNCHES.

A PERSON CAN ONLY
TAKE SO MUCH HUMILIATION.

YEAH.

ANYWAY, BY THE
TIME WE GOT THERE,

HE HAD THE MAîTRE
D' IN A HEADLOCK

OVER BY THE SALAD BAR.

HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. JUST
A LITTLE CROUTON RASH.

OWNER SAID HE'S
COMING DOWN LATER.

HE INSISTS ON PRESSING CHARGES.

WHAT WAS THE PROVOCATION?

GO AHEAD. TELL HIM!

WELL, APPARENTLY,
MR. BOUTON WAS DENIED A TABLE

BECAUSE THE MANAGEMENT FELT

THAT HE DIDN'T QUITE MEASURE
UP TO THEIR MINIMUM STANDARD

FOR AESTHETIC ACCEPTABILITY.

HE MEANS BECAUSE I'M UGLY.

IT SEEMS LE BEAUMON
PRIDES ITSELF

ON ITS BEAUTIFUL-PEOPLE
CLIENTELE.

IF YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTIVE,
YOU DON'T GET IN.

MM-HMM.

THEY TOLD YOU THAT?

OH, NOT IN SO MANY WORDS.

FIRST THEY ASKED ME
IF I HAD A RESERVATION,

AND I SAID, "NO, BUT I SEE
A LOT OF EMPTY TABLES."

AND THEN THEY SAID,

"OH, THOSE TABLES ARE
RESERVED FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE."

SO THEN I SAID
THAT I WOULD WAIT.

THEN I SAW THE
WAITERS POINTING AT ME

AND WHISPERING TO EACH OTHER...

THINGS LIKE, "WHO
LET HIM IN HERE?"

"OOH, LOOK AT HIM."

"SOMEBODY GO FIND A BAG
FOR THE ELEPHANT MAN."

I DIDN'T SEE THE MOVIE,

BUT I UNDERSTAND
THAT IT'S VERY GOOD.

I'M AFRAID, MR. BOUTON...

CAPTAIN, ALL I WANTED
WAS AN OMELET

AND A GLASS OF ICED TEA.

I UNDERSTAND, BUT...

LOOK, I ADMIT THAT
I'M NO GAVIN MacLEOD.

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT
I DESERVE TO STARVE.

BOUTON, PARTY OF ONE.

THANK YOU.

THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO COURT.

UH, YEAH, RIGHT NOW.

I'LL BE HERE.

ARE THOSE COOKIES?

NO.

CAN I HELP YOU, MA'AM?

YES. I'M LIEUTENANT HOLLY.

THEY TOLD ME DOWNSTAIRS I
COULD FIND RAYMOND UP HERE.

YEAH.

I'M SERGEANT
WOJCIEHOWICZ, AND...

SO, IS HE HERE?

YEAH. HE'S IN THE MEN'S ROOM.

OH.

WANT ME TO DRAG
HIM OUT OF THERE?

NO. I CAN WAIT.

OKAY.

UH, WHY DON'T YOU HELP
YOURSELF TO A CUP OF COFFEE?

THANK YOU.

OH, UH, EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S SOME COOKIES
IN THE DRAWER THERE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

OH, LIEUTENANT. HOW
ARE YOU DOING, SIR?

I RECEIVED YOUR
MESSAGE. WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

I GOT THE BOYS
WORKING ON THE CASE.

OH.

WELL, ACTUALLY,

IT WAS SERGEANT HARRIS
WHO TOOK THE STATEMENT.

THIS IS THE INFORMATION IF
YOU'D LIKE TO LOOK IT OVER.

OH, THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY, SERGEANT.

I'M SORRY IF WE'VE
INCONVENIENCED YOU.

BUT RAYMOND AND I HAVE DECIDED

NOT TO PURSUE THIS
MATTER ANY FURTHER.

WHEN'D WE DO THAT?

YOU SEE, SERGEANT, OUR POLICY

IS TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS
LIKE THIS INTERNALLY,

WITHOUT INVOLVING
OUTSIDE AUTHORITIES.

WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

THANK YOU. LET'S GO, RAYMOND.

WAIT A MINUTE. EXCUSE ME.

YOU DID GET ROBBED, DIDN'T YOU?

YES.

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

NOT HERE.

WHY NOT?

SERGEANT, BELIEVE ME,
WE'RE PERFECTLY CAPABLE

OF HANDLING THESE
SITUATIONS OURSELVES.

YOU MEAN THIS HAS
HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE?

IN THE PAST MONTH,

WE'VE HAD A DOZEN OR SO
BREAK-INS AT VARIOUS FACILITIES.

BUT THE POINT IS THAT
WE'RE IN THE BUSINESS

OF HELPING PEOPLE
WHO DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

WELL, HAVE YOU
CAUGHT ANYBODY YET?

NO.

WELL, THEN, HOW
YOU GONNA HELP HIM?

THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, LIEUTENANT, WE'LL
NEED TO TAKE A STATEMENT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT

HERE AT SERGEANT
WOJCIEHOWICZ'S DESK?

I'LL TAKE THAT.

HEY, CAP. BARNEY.

HUH?

HOW'D IT GO IN COURT?

OH, I GOT TO CALL LIZ.

I ASKED FIRST.

BARN, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

I GOT CITED FOR CONTEMPT.

OH, YEAH?

I HAVE TO SURRENDER TO
THE OFFICER OF THE COURT

IN TWO HOURS.

I'M GOING TO JAIL.

ANYWAY, THE, UH...

JUDGE REFERRED TO ME AS
AN UNCOOPERATIVE WITNESS.

WHY?

I REFUSED TO NAME MY
SOURCE OF INFORMATION.

COME ON. YOU CAN'T DO
THAT. IT'S CONFIDENTIAL.

YEAH, WE START PUTTING THE
FINGERS ON OUR SQUEALERS,

WE MIGHT AS WELL PACK
IT IN AND GO FISHING.

I LOVE THAT KIND OF TALK.

ALL OF THAT WAS COVERED
IN THE JUDGE'S CHAMBERS.

I ALSO POINTED OUT THAT
REVEALING THE MAN'S IDENTITY

WAS TANTAMOUNT TO
SIGNING HIS DEATH WARRANT.

AND?

HIS HONOR FELT
THAT WAS IRRELEVANT.

HE SAID THE DEFENSE HAD A
PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE RIGHT

TO SUBPOENA MY INFORMANT,

THAT I WAS JEOPARDIZING
A VERY IMPORTANT CASE

BASED ON SOME
MISGUIDED CODE OF ETHICS.

SO HE HITS YOU WITH CONTEMPT.

HMPH.

HE SAID A MAN AS HIGHLY
PRINCIPLED AS MYSELF

MIGHT ENJOY THE MARTYRDOM.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

THANK YOU, WOJO.

THE WAY HE'S GOT IT FIXED,

YOU GOT SOME SLEAZEBALL
PUSHER OUT ON THE STREET

WHILE YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL
FOR TRYING TO PUT HIM THERE.

WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THAT?

UH, SO WHAT DO YOU
GOT TO DO, BARN?

UH... NOTIFY THE DEPARTMENT.

CONTACT MY LAWYER.

BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.

CALL LIZ, TELL HER
NOT TO HOLD DINNER.

WHAT'S SHE MAKING?

I GOT NO PLANS.

OKAY, LET ME RUN THIS LIST OVER
AND SEE THAT WE GOT EVERYTHING.

TOOK $86 IN CASH,
ASSORTED FOODSTUFFS,

A COUPLE OF TYPEWRITERS.

ONE FLUGELHORN,
UH, SLIDE PROJECTOR,

AND TWO CARTONS OF BIBLES.

- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.

OKAY, CAN YOU THINK
OF ANYTHING ELSE?

OH, AN ENTIRE RACK OF POOL
CUES FROM THE COMMUNITY CENTER.

YOU ALLOWED TO PLAY POOL?

YES, SERGEANT, WE'RE
ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

GANZA DOESN'T INVOLVE
ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, OR DRUGS.

AREN'T YOU LEAVING ONE OUT?

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN
MIND, A WEEKEND IN HAVANA?

NO.

WHY SHOULD I TAKE YOU TO HAVANA?

I WAS MAKING A JOKE.

WE CAN DO THAT.

I'M SERGEANT HARRIS.
CAN I HELP YOU?

YES. I'M MATT HAGAN,
THE OWNER... LE BEAUMON.

SOMEHOW THAT
DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.

ANYWAY, I UNDERSTAND THAT
YOU'RE HOLDING THE GENTLEMAN

WHO CLASHED WITH OUR DECOR.

OH, YEAH... MR. BOUTON.
HE'S IN THE CAGE.

IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

MAY I?

HEY.

MR. BOUTON.

YEAH?

I MUST SAY, I'M QUITE DISPLEASED

WITH YOUR PERFORMANCE
TODAY IN MY RESTAURANT.

HUH?

YOU LEFT MARKS ON A
PERFECTLY GOOD WAITER.

I HAD TO LET HIM GO.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT DID THEY DO, SEND OFF
AN ADONIS TO TORMENT ME?

YES.

MATT HAGAN... I'M THE OWNER.

LOOK, MISTER, YOUR
PEOPLE M-MADE ME FEEL UGLY

A-AND INSIGNIFICANT.

THEY WERE JUST DOING THEIR JOB.

MR. HAGAN, YOU WANT TO TAKE
A SEAT OVER THERE, PLEASE?

I NEED TO GET A LITTLE
INFORMATION FROM YOU.

ABOUT WHAT? BLOW-DRYING?

CAN I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?

NO, NO, NO. I'M JUST GETTING
THESE REPORTS TOGETHER.

IF NOTHING ELSE,

JAIL MIGHT GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO CATCH UP ON MY PAPERWORK.

THAT'S A NICE TOUCH, BARN.

EVEN JOAN OF ARC
DIDN'T GO THAT FAR.

YEAH.

SIR, I CAME AS SOON AS I
HEARD THE TRAGIC NEWS.

I'M STILL REELING.

EXCUSE ME.

LEVITT, THE LESS MADE OUT
OF THIS, THE BETTER, HUH?

SORRY, SIR.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO ANNOY
YOU BY BEING MOVED.

LEVITT...

IT'S JUST, ALTHOUGH
YOUR MOMENTS UP HERE

ARE DWINDLING DOWN
TO A PRECIOUS FEW,

MOMENTS BETTER
SPENT WITH LOVED ONES

AND THOSE AMONG YOUR PEER GROUP,

STILL I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

JUST A FEW ITEMS TO MAKE
YOUR IMPENDING INCARCERATION

A BIT MORE TOLERABLE...

CIGARETTES, MAGAZINES,
BOX OF NONPAREILS.

WHAT'S THIS FOR?

JUST SO YOU DON'T LOSE IT.

I APPRECIATE IT.

BARN?

YEAH?

- YOU GOT A MINUTE?
- YEAH.

- GENTLEMEN'S QUARTERLY -
IS HERE TO PRESS CHARGES.

OKAY.

THANK YOU, LEVITT.

MR. HAGAN, CAPTAIN MILLER.

- CAPTAIN.
- MR. HAGAN.

- YOU LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME.
- OH?

BEEN TO MY RESTAURANT?

UH, NO, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY QUALIFY.

THAT'S VERY
FLATTERING, MR. HAGAN,

BUT WHAT ABOUT MR. BOUTON?

OH.

HE DIDN'T.

SURE, GO AHEAD... RUB
MY FACE IN MY FACE.

LOOK, MR. HAGAN,

DO YOU REALLY INTEND
SIGNING THAT COMPLAINT?

CAPTAIN, THAT MAN RUINED SOME
VERY EXPENSIVE CUT CRYSTAL,

NOT TO MENTION
DOZENS OF APPETITES.

NOW, WHAT OTHER
CHOICE DO I HAVE?

CONSIDERING YOUR PEOPLE
PROBABLY PROVOKED MR. BOUTON,

BASED UPON SOME RATHER...

SUBJECTIVE IF NOT
QUESTIONABLE CRITERIA,

IT MIGHT BE THE BETTER PART
OF WISDOM JUST TO LET IT SLIDE.

MM-HMM.

NO.

SIGN THE COMPLAINT.

Bouton: SIGN IT! SIGN IT!

MAYBE YOU CAN LOCK ME
UP AND KEEP ME OUT OF SIGHT,

BUT YOU CAN'T RUN
AWAY FROM THE MIRROR!

WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

WHAT HEREDITY DID TO ME,
TIME IS GONNA DO TO YOU!

OH, REALLY?

MR. BOUTON, DO YOU
WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
I'M 41. SURPRISED?

NO!

HE'S JUST SAYING THAT FOR SPITE.

UH-HUH.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT ME.

THERE'S NOT A
WRINKLE, NOT A BAG.

THAT'S BECAUSE I
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I EAT RIGHT, I EXERCISE,
GET PLENTY OF SLEEP,

KEEP A PICTURE OF
MYSELF UP IN THE ATTIC.

IS... IS THAT A PIMPLE?

IF THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A JOKE, IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

WELL, UH... GUESS
I BETTER BE GOING.

I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE
FOR MY FIRST DAY IN JAIL.

WANT SOMEBODY TO DRIVE YOU DOWN?

NO. I GOT A CAR OUT BACK.

BESIDES, YOU GUYS STILL
GOT THIS PLACE TO RUN, HUH?

RIGHT.

I GOT IT.

UH...

OF COURSE, YOU'RE IN
CHARGE DURING MY ABSENCE.

OH, BARNEY, I'M...

HEY, YOU'RE SENIOR OFFICER.

YEAH, BUT, I MEAN, THERE'S
JUST THE THREE OF US NOW.

BARN, WE GOT A
DISTURBANCE OVER ON CANAL.

UH, YOU AND DIETRICH.

I'LL ADAPT.

LOOK, IF, UH, YOU NEED
ME FOR ANYTHING...

YOU KNOW WHERE I'LL BE.

SURE, BARN. TAKE IT EASY.

SEE YOU SOON.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY.

- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
- OKAY.

BARNEY, I'D JUST LIKE
TO GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE.

YEAH?

TELL THEM YOU KEEP
KOSHER. YOU'LL EAT BETTER.

THANKS, RAY.

IN HERE.

STEP UP TO THE
YELLOW LINE, PLEASE.

EMPTY YOUR POCKETS
ON THE DESK OF ALL ITEMS

AND LEAVE YOUR POCKETS OUT.

REMOVE YOUR TIE,
REMOVE YOUR BELT,

REMOVE THE LACES
FROM YOUR SHOES.

PERSONAL EFFECTS
SURRENDERED ARE AS FOLLOWS...

ONE WALLET.

ONE SET OF KEYS.

$24 IN CASH.

35 CENTS IN CHANGE.

YOU CAN KEEP THE PAPERS,
AND WE'LL KEEP THE PEN.

GLASSES... OKAY.

MAGAZINES.

TOOTHBRUSH, TOOTHPASTE... FINE.

WE GOT SOAP HERE.

THEY'LL KILL FOR THESE.

YOU CAN HAVE THIS.

THANK YOU.

OKAY. SIGN HERE FOR...

I KNOW THE PROCEDURE.

OH, GOOD.

WELL, THEN, LET'S
JUST FINISH IT.

STRIP.

Man: HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.

OKAY, IN THE CAGE.

HAVE A PLEASANT EVENING.

Man #2: YOU'RE IN MY LIGHT.

WHAT TIME THEY SERVE
BREAKFAST AROUND HERE?

Man #2: SOONER OR LATER.

THANK YOU.

GUY BEFORE YOU
ALWAYS GAVE ME HIS MILK.

OKAY, I JUST NEED A
LITTLE FOR COFFEE.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER, OKAY?