Bang Baaja Baaraat (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript
Shahana and Pawan are clearly not on the same page on the day of their sangeet. It looks like things are only going to get more f#@ked up as Shahana's dad prepares for a raunchy dance and the ex-boyfriend of Shahana's mother turns up. Will the page tear?
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!
"Bunty and Babli."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Making money all around."
"Never do they settle down."
Twisty, what's that step? - No.
Stop!
What?
It's not like this.
Forget the steps.
You need swag. - Swag?
Swag.
Show me.
Hold the girls and swag them.
Swag. - Yeah, swag.
Oh, swag. - Fine.
We'll take it from the top again.
- Yes.
5, 6, 7, 8... play it again.
Swag. Swag.
Do you know... Wasim's
nose was bleeding?
If you two hadn't stopped me...
he would've bled
out from his ass.
Why can't you control yourself?
You're so violent.
I feel threatened.
That's the limit.
How's it about you?
My best friend is...
He's trying to sway my sister...
and you're making it
about something else.
You're such a hypocrite, Pawan.
What's your problem?
Is it that he's your friend...
or that his name's Wasim?
My problem is... I am neither
Bunty nor are you Babli...
so why are we dancing
to this song?
We'll be dancing to this number.
And I'll play Bachchan's role.
If the marriage's going
to be Kanpur style...
then the musical night
will Sainik farm style.
Twisty, I'll be right back.
Dude, stop fighting...
start dancing.
Don't ruin tonight's show.
From the top. 5, 6, 7, 8.
"Man of character,
with a lot of soul."
"Bunty and Babli."
"They call him Bunty
with a heart of Gold."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Like a beautiful angel
coming out of the cold."
"Bunty and Babli."
"There's just one Babli,
and that's the show."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Bunty and Babli."
"They are coming to your town."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
What the fuck are
you doing here?
I came to wish you.
Or should I say... bless you.
Hi.
You are...
Boyfriend. He's her boyfriend.
Oh, Ranjeet, grow up.
Doodle, how are you?
How about a duet with aunty?
Come on, let's go.
I'll see you later.
- I am joking.
Swag!
Huh!
My ex-boyfriend.
What?
Your ex is your mother's...
What?
Come, papa's family is here too.
Your mother's invited
us to lunch.
What?
d Bang Baaja Baaraat d
Season 01 Episode 03 Ori
Pawan... it's not nice to play
with your phone while eating.
Look at him.
He's busy... on the Ipad.
Son, what class are you in?
Sonny.
Third.
Daniel, did you touch
uncle and aunty's feet.
You called him Daniel? - Yes.
Not me, Shirley.
Shirley...
What's that?
Daniel. - He's mischievous.
Daniel! Catch him.
What can I do? Get
under the table?
Daniel darling.
Come out, sweety.
He's very mischievous,
just like his father.
It's killer man.
Son... hey, hat-guy.
Are you from his side or hers?
So, he must be from her side.
Nephew?
Nephew.
Aunty, how about
some hakka noodles.
Son, what do you do?
Well... I am a photographer.
I see...
you do look like one.
You know... back in
my younger days...
even I did a lot of photography.
I would pick-up my camera...
and just leave.
Click pictures of
anything I came across.
What's his name?
I've taken Dalai Lama's picture.
When he was young.
And Dara Singh visited
our city once.
I even took his picture.
You put that up on the fridge.
Why don't you pay us a visit
some day, we'll show you.
Listen, how about we tell
him for the photography.
Yes, of course.
Go ahead. - Right.
Listen...
Since it's your
sister's wedding...
you cannot sit idle.
There're lots of things to do...
rituals to perform.
You must lift the sister in your arms...
during the garland exchange.
You can't just sit on your
aunt's lap and gobble sweets.
I say... you handle
all the photography.
Roli, that's a nice idea.
- Isn't it?
You aren't eating
anything, Ranjeet.
Have some rice?
What's a bhanja?
And yes, keep the non-veg
and veg plates separate.
Pawan. - Thank you.
Listen to me. - I don't want to.
Just listen.
You call once in six months.
Don't show up for
years together.
How could I tell you?
Your friend's sister...
- I love her, you fool.
I can even give my
life for her, get it?
I thought now that
you're in the city...
you'll have an open
view about things.
You'll help us, but...
You'll always stay the
same, never change.
You know what, all the
best for your wedding.
I'll leave.
Happy marriage, and
happy married life.
Hello... what happy married...
Have you gone mad?
What's wrong with you?
My parents are upset.
I am in a fix with
this marriage.
My sister's angry.
And my in-laws are
making a mess of things.
And now you...
Sarang, that photographer.
Who is he?
Nephew.
He's no nephew, he's my
mother-in-law's boyfriend.
He's... also Shahana's
ex-boyfriend as well.
Don't go now.
Please, don't do this.
Little... little...
Face...
You're killing me, Sushi baby.
One sec.
Yeah...
Punnu. - Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Son... I know your in-laws are
Punjabi and modern. - Yeah.
They kiss and hug as well.
But kissing on the lips?
Nephews never kiss their
aunt on the lips?
Where?
Mom, it must be a mistake.
- It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They aimed it deliberately on the lips
- Mom, you're...
Sir... please come with me.
- What...
It's a chaos.
Please, sir...
- Okay, I am coming.
Please... - Go on, I am coming.
Where?
- There's been a problem out there.
Oh, God! What happened?
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
Uncle, get up.
"Poor old boy."
"Still a bachelor."
"Condition's really bad, oh my."
"Now out of his fields,
and dressed up-to-date."
"Out to collect his degree."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You're a sharp girl,
like a sword."
Here, here, here... - Once more.
Swaying slowly to the
beat, and looking cool.
Where are you headed looking
like a cauli-flower.
Yo, this is Twisty.
Representing the Punjabi.
Yeah.
Yo Kanpur, greetings.
Sit down. Sit down.
Twisty... once more.
- Sit the fuck down.
So now for the star
performer of the evening.
The bride's father.
Mr. Ranjeet... Arora
"Bunty and Babli."
"They are coming to your town."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Making money all around."
"Never do they settle down."
"Man of character,
with a lot of soul."
"They call him Bunty
with a heart of Gold."
"Like a beautiful angel
coming out of the cold."
"There's just one Babli,
and that's the show."
"And together they ride."
"Together they cry."
"And together they ride."
"Together they cry."
"Together they ply."
"Together they die."
"Together they rise
above the whole world."
"Together they smile."
Bro... why is he dancing
like Ranjeet Khanna.
Brother, better rehearse
your steps from the top.
Where is Shahana?
I don't know. She must
be somewhere around.
I don't see her anywhere.
Amrit.
Amrit, Where's Shahana?
Bro, don't fuck with
my performance, okay.
You go look for Shahana.
Just look for her, don't
fuck with my act.
I'll show you.
Start from here.
One, two... three...
Shake your shoulder, like this.
One, two... three... dd
Shahana.
Shahana.
I came because I missed you too.
What am I supposed to do now?
Oh, shit
Oh, shdt
You still love me.
Shahana!
Look here.
This is Ranjeet Arora
and his family-tree.
She is my mother.
I'll be your father.
You're my ex!
She's my life, Shahana!
I don't want to see that asshole
at my wedding, that's it.
You still love him.
- What do you want me to do?
Lie to you. - Fuck man.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!
miss this tomorrow!
"Bunty and Babli."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Making money all around."
"Never do they settle down."
Twisty, what's that step? - No.
Stop!
What?
It's not like this.
Forget the steps.
You need swag. - Swag?
Swag.
Show me.
Hold the girls and swag them.
Swag. - Yeah, swag.
Oh, swag. - Fine.
We'll take it from the top again.
- Yes.
5, 6, 7, 8... play it again.
Swag. Swag.
Do you know... Wasim's
nose was bleeding?
If you two hadn't stopped me...
he would've bled
out from his ass.
Why can't you control yourself?
You're so violent.
I feel threatened.
That's the limit.
How's it about you?
My best friend is...
He's trying to sway my sister...
and you're making it
about something else.
You're such a hypocrite, Pawan.
What's your problem?
Is it that he's your friend...
or that his name's Wasim?
My problem is... I am neither
Bunty nor are you Babli...
so why are we dancing
to this song?
We'll be dancing to this number.
And I'll play Bachchan's role.
If the marriage's going
to be Kanpur style...
then the musical night
will Sainik farm style.
Twisty, I'll be right back.
Dude, stop fighting...
start dancing.
Don't ruin tonight's show.
From the top. 5, 6, 7, 8.
"Man of character,
with a lot of soul."
"Bunty and Babli."
"They call him Bunty
with a heart of Gold."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Like a beautiful angel
coming out of the cold."
"Bunty and Babli."
"There's just one Babli,
and that's the show."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Bunty and Babli."
"They are coming to your town."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
What the fuck are
you doing here?
I came to wish you.
Or should I say... bless you.
Hi.
You are...
Boyfriend. He's her boyfriend.
Oh, Ranjeet, grow up.
Doodle, how are you?
How about a duet with aunty?
Come on, let's go.
I'll see you later.
- I am joking.
Swag!
Huh!
My ex-boyfriend.
What?
Your ex is your mother's...
What?
Come, papa's family is here too.
Your mother's invited
us to lunch.
What?
d Bang Baaja Baaraat d
Season 01 Episode 03 Ori
Pawan... it's not nice to play
with your phone while eating.
Look at him.
He's busy... on the Ipad.
Son, what class are you in?
Sonny.
Third.
Daniel, did you touch
uncle and aunty's feet.
You called him Daniel? - Yes.
Not me, Shirley.
Shirley...
What's that?
Daniel. - He's mischievous.
Daniel! Catch him.
What can I do? Get
under the table?
Daniel darling.
Come out, sweety.
He's very mischievous,
just like his father.
It's killer man.
Son... hey, hat-guy.
Are you from his side or hers?
So, he must be from her side.
Nephew?
Nephew.
Aunty, how about
some hakka noodles.
Son, what do you do?
Well... I am a photographer.
I see...
you do look like one.
You know... back in
my younger days...
even I did a lot of photography.
I would pick-up my camera...
and just leave.
Click pictures of
anything I came across.
What's his name?
I've taken Dalai Lama's picture.
When he was young.
And Dara Singh visited
our city once.
I even took his picture.
You put that up on the fridge.
Why don't you pay us a visit
some day, we'll show you.
Listen, how about we tell
him for the photography.
Yes, of course.
Go ahead. - Right.
Listen...
Since it's your
sister's wedding...
you cannot sit idle.
There're lots of things to do...
rituals to perform.
You must lift the sister in your arms...
during the garland exchange.
You can't just sit on your
aunt's lap and gobble sweets.
I say... you handle
all the photography.
Roli, that's a nice idea.
- Isn't it?
You aren't eating
anything, Ranjeet.
Have some rice?
What's a bhanja?
And yes, keep the non-veg
and veg plates separate.
Pawan. - Thank you.
Listen to me. - I don't want to.
Just listen.
You call once in six months.
Don't show up for
years together.
How could I tell you?
Your friend's sister...
- I love her, you fool.
I can even give my
life for her, get it?
I thought now that
you're in the city...
you'll have an open
view about things.
You'll help us, but...
You'll always stay the
same, never change.
You know what, all the
best for your wedding.
I'll leave.
Happy marriage, and
happy married life.
Hello... what happy married...
Have you gone mad?
What's wrong with you?
My parents are upset.
I am in a fix with
this marriage.
My sister's angry.
And my in-laws are
making a mess of things.
And now you...
Sarang, that photographer.
Who is he?
Nephew.
He's no nephew, he's my
mother-in-law's boyfriend.
He's... also Shahana's
ex-boyfriend as well.
Don't go now.
Please, don't do this.
Little... little...
Face...
You're killing me, Sushi baby.
One sec.
Yeah...
Punnu. - Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Son... I know your in-laws are
Punjabi and modern. - Yeah.
They kiss and hug as well.
But kissing on the lips?
Nephews never kiss their
aunt on the lips?
Where?
Mom, it must be a mistake.
- It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They aimed it deliberately on the lips
- Mom, you're...
Sir... please come with me.
- What...
It's a chaos.
Please, sir...
- Okay, I am coming.
Please... - Go on, I am coming.
Where?
- There's been a problem out there.
Oh, God! What happened?
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
'Punjabi folk song'
Uncle, get up.
"Poor old boy."
"Still a bachelor."
"Condition's really bad, oh my."
"Now out of his fields,
and dressed up-to-date."
"Out to collect his degree."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You got robbed for no reason."
"You're a sharp girl,
like a sword."
Here, here, here... - Once more.
Swaying slowly to the
beat, and looking cool.
Where are you headed looking
like a cauli-flower.
Yo, this is Twisty.
Representing the Punjabi.
Yeah.
Yo Kanpur, greetings.
Sit down. Sit down.
Twisty... once more.
- Sit the fuck down.
So now for the star
performer of the evening.
The bride's father.
Mr. Ranjeet... Arora
"Bunty and Babli."
"They are coming to your town."
"They hustle then,
they hustle now."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Bunty and Babli."
"Making money all around."
"Never do they settle down."
"Man of character,
with a lot of soul."
"They call him Bunty
with a heart of Gold."
"Like a beautiful angel
coming out of the cold."
"There's just one Babli,
and that's the show."
"And together they ride."
"Together they cry."
"And together they ride."
"Together they cry."
"Together they ply."
"Together they die."
"Together they rise
above the whole world."
"Together they smile."
Bro... why is he dancing
like Ranjeet Khanna.
Brother, better rehearse
your steps from the top.
Where is Shahana?
I don't know. She must
be somewhere around.
I don't see her anywhere.
Amrit.
Amrit, Where's Shahana?
Bro, don't fuck with
my performance, okay.
You go look for Shahana.
Just look for her, don't
fuck with my act.
I'll show you.
Start from here.
One, two... three...
Shake your shoulder, like this.
One, two... three... dd
Shahana.
Shahana.
I came because I missed you too.
What am I supposed to do now?
Oh, shit
Oh, shdt
You still love me.
Shahana!
Look here.
This is Ranjeet Arora
and his family-tree.
She is my mother.
I'll be your father.
You're my ex!
She's my life, Shahana!
I don't want to see that asshole
at my wedding, that's it.
You still love him.
- What do you want me to do?
Lie to you. - Fuck man.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!