Bang Baaja Baaraat (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
Shahana's friends have planned a wild bachelorette party for her at the same time Pawan's parents have planned a sacred marriage ritual. Will Pawan manage to keep the two from meeting?
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on! Hold on!
How do you like it? - No.
No.
No. No. No. No. No, Gurpreet.
- Relax.
What is wrong with you? No!
Are you out of your mind?
What if someone drops in?
And anyway, Pawan's mom
is too scandalized...
I don't think this right.
Shahna, don't be a pussy.
Anyway, I'm going to
lock this place down.
And... today evening
we're going to have...
a bikini-themed bachelorette.
Are you crazy, Gurpreet. - What?
Pawan is not going
to like all this.
Like it? I'd love it!
d Bang Baaja Baaraat d
Season 01 Episode 02 Ori
Look, I am really
very sorry, Shahana.
Can we please, please, please
be on the same page again?
Okay.
Just a sample... for
the bachelorette.
Is that a self-portrait, Mr.
Sharma?
Because... slightly
disappointing?
I'll show you the real one?
You want to see the real one?
You sure?
Barkha. Oh, God!
What are you doing here?
You were supposed
to come tomorrow.
Please, I couldn't have
travelled with those of idiots.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi. - Hi.
Hi, sister-in-law.
Wasim, you? You're here too.
How was the trip? - Tiring.
I was saying, let's
catch a train.
But your sister made me
drive all the way here.
Who drives all the way
here from Kanpur?
Well... you see... - Hi, Wasim.
I've heard a lot about you.
What?
That you two were really
mischievous in your childhood.
Who are you talking about?
I am Wasim. Wasim Sheikh.
Hello. Hello.
You scared the poor girl.
Who comes by-road?
I mean...
Listen.
Yes, sir?
Is there a well around
here somewhere?
Sorry, I didn't get you, sir.
Well?
The place where we
draw out water.
Sometimes people even in
it to commit suicide.
They stand on the
ledge and jump in.
Do you have one?
No, sir.
You want water?
No, no.
What do they call it in Marathi?
Punnu told me once.
You are Maharashtian, right?
In Marathi it's called...
Its an important ritual.
The groom's mother gets
upset and sits at the well.
Wondering if the groom will
forget all about his mother...
post his wedding and be stuck
under his wife's skirt.
Mom, what are you saying?
- I'm not saying anything wrong.
Only then does she gets off
the ledge, understand.
Punnu, go find a well.
I'll get upset and sit there.
Then you can take
the seven vows...
and I'll come back
with you, okay?
Mom. Mom. - What?
You can make me take all
the vows right here.
Where will he find a well?
Even papa's been searching
for a well since morning.
You've been dictating your own terms.
- Hello. Yeah.
Okay.
Hello.
Stop arguing. - I'm not arguing.
Where are you going?
- What are you doing?
I'll be right back.
Everything is happening at once
- Oh, God.
See... it's all because of you.
The city's completely ruined.
How much further? - Just a little
further. We're almost there.
Papa, papa... where are you going?
- Stop running, son.
I'm only going to see that pond.
For the function.
No, no, someone's having a
private party out there.
Sir, it's your party. - Shut up.
You should've told him...
that he can't walk-in
on someone's party.
Papa, that's the pool area.
Do you have any idea
how expensive that is?
They charge 5000 only
to sitting there.
Have you lost your mind?
5000 rupees? The hotel
people are swindling us.
Yes.
Come to the room, I've made all the
arrangements for the function.
Bachelorette party.
Cheer's bitches. Meaning... dog.
Come, I'll explain
everything to you.
You mean actual
dogs and bitches.
What else do you expect
in a big hotel like this?
They're paying 5000
to cats and dogs.
Isn't my mother enough..
What is she doing there!
Who is it?
Who is it?
Toothpaste.
I forgot mine...
Sir, it's ready.
You can check the
temperature of the water.
Boss, we're not
shooting a soap ad.
It's a ritual.
You go.
Go. - Okay, sir.
Thank you.
It's done.
Come... sit.
You can watch that newsreader
of yours tomorrow. Come now.
Just a minute, Roli.
You drown yourself, I am coming.
So listen, I've made a
list of modern vows...
for a modern wedding.
Yeah... first one.
You won't convert to
half a Punjabi...
but she'll become
a full Brahmin.
Meaning... no meat.
Mom, I am a chef. I run a
continental restaurant.
I can't cook potato wedges.
I saw that wink.
And Punnu, if you don't agree
to these terms, I will..
Fine, fine, I agree.
I am going. I am going to die.
Careful.
Enough. - That was just the
first, now for the second.
The second vow.
We'll name your first child.
I will.
You've already turned
into half Englishman.
God knows what name you'll come up
with like Tom, Dick or Harry. - Mom.
It's our kids, not yours alone.
Be quiet.
No one even realized how
soon you two grew up.
Uncle, aunty, grandpa... they
all raised you together.
If you don't answer my
questions correctly...
consider this wedding canceled.
First question.
How many beauty marks does
Shahana have on her body?
Your options are,
A, 21.
B, 37
Or C, 19.
Your options are wrong.
It's 33.
She must respect her
elders, touch our feet.
And we don't have
this kissing culture.
Mom..
Tell her... there are a couple
in places she cant see.
If you want you can
count again and check.
Son, count properly.
These hotel people always
increase the plate count.
Go honey.
Stop it.
Right answer.
Mom. Is it done? Can I go?
What is Shahana's
favorite position?
Missionary.
Why are you laughing?
Ranjeet.
Ranjeet.
Leave it. I'll do it.
She doesn't let you
keep a new secretary.
Or she'll find a secretary...
that you can never
get distracted by.
Are you drunk?
No... Just a little...
happy-happy.
Shahana is very sensible.
She's just like you.
You did a great job, Sushi.
Are your wife and kids
coming for the wedding?
Yes..
..tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.
No, it's yours.
Yes, it's mine.
Dare Time!
Shahana has to call
one of her exes...
and tell him that she
still loves him.
I know exactly which one to call.
- No, no.
Ma'am, you said yes,
you have do dare.
Cheering
cheering
I miss you.
I miss those evenings, those
nights, those afternoons...
I think I still...
You think we could...
You know, kind of get together.
Now last dare for the night.
You have to manage a quickie...
before we finish
eating this cake.
Shut up, okay.
Go run. Run.
Hi.
What are you doing?
If Mom... I sent
that cake as well.
I came to thank you.
Cool. Now you.. - No, now you.
Have you gone mad.
Dad has a habit of wandering around...
Shahana, please.
Our party isn't over yet...
Okay, okay... not here.
Only three minutes left, your
time starts now. - Okay. Okay.
Hey...
You Sisterfucker...
Pawan. - Listen to me...
Stop it.
- You could you do that with my sister?
What are you doing? Stop!
Leave me!
Is he your nephew?
Nephew?
But kissing on the lips?
Mom, it must be a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They kissed deliberately.
That boy's screwed
everything up.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!
miss this tomorrow!
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on! Hold on!
How do you like it? - No.
No.
No. No. No. No. No, Gurpreet.
- Relax.
What is wrong with you? No!
Are you out of your mind?
What if someone drops in?
And anyway, Pawan's mom
is too scandalized...
I don't think this right.
Shahna, don't be a pussy.
Anyway, I'm going to
lock this place down.
And... today evening
we're going to have...
a bikini-themed bachelorette.
Are you crazy, Gurpreet. - What?
Pawan is not going
to like all this.
Like it? I'd love it!
d Bang Baaja Baaraat d
Season 01 Episode 02 Ori
Look, I am really
very sorry, Shahana.
Can we please, please, please
be on the same page again?
Okay.
Just a sample... for
the bachelorette.
Is that a self-portrait, Mr.
Sharma?
Because... slightly
disappointing?
I'll show you the real one?
You want to see the real one?
You sure?
Barkha. Oh, God!
What are you doing here?
You were supposed
to come tomorrow.
Please, I couldn't have
travelled with those of idiots.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi. - Hi.
Hi, sister-in-law.
Wasim, you? You're here too.
How was the trip? - Tiring.
I was saying, let's
catch a train.
But your sister made me
drive all the way here.
Who drives all the way
here from Kanpur?
Well... you see... - Hi, Wasim.
I've heard a lot about you.
What?
That you two were really
mischievous in your childhood.
Who are you talking about?
I am Wasim. Wasim Sheikh.
Hello. Hello.
You scared the poor girl.
Who comes by-road?
I mean...
Listen.
Yes, sir?
Is there a well around
here somewhere?
Sorry, I didn't get you, sir.
Well?
The place where we
draw out water.
Sometimes people even in
it to commit suicide.
They stand on the
ledge and jump in.
Do you have one?
No, sir.
You want water?
No, no.
What do they call it in Marathi?
Punnu told me once.
You are Maharashtian, right?
In Marathi it's called...
Its an important ritual.
The groom's mother gets
upset and sits at the well.
Wondering if the groom will
forget all about his mother...
post his wedding and be stuck
under his wife's skirt.
Mom, what are you saying?
- I'm not saying anything wrong.
Only then does she gets off
the ledge, understand.
Punnu, go find a well.
I'll get upset and sit there.
Then you can take
the seven vows...
and I'll come back
with you, okay?
Mom. Mom. - What?
You can make me take all
the vows right here.
Where will he find a well?
Even papa's been searching
for a well since morning.
You've been dictating your own terms.
- Hello. Yeah.
Okay.
Hello.
Stop arguing. - I'm not arguing.
Where are you going?
- What are you doing?
I'll be right back.
Everything is happening at once
- Oh, God.
See... it's all because of you.
The city's completely ruined.
How much further? - Just a little
further. We're almost there.
Papa, papa... where are you going?
- Stop running, son.
I'm only going to see that pond.
For the function.
No, no, someone's having a
private party out there.
Sir, it's your party. - Shut up.
You should've told him...
that he can't walk-in
on someone's party.
Papa, that's the pool area.
Do you have any idea
how expensive that is?
They charge 5000 only
to sitting there.
Have you lost your mind?
5000 rupees? The hotel
people are swindling us.
Yes.
Come to the room, I've made all the
arrangements for the function.
Bachelorette party.
Cheer's bitches. Meaning... dog.
Come, I'll explain
everything to you.
You mean actual
dogs and bitches.
What else do you expect
in a big hotel like this?
They're paying 5000
to cats and dogs.
Isn't my mother enough..
What is she doing there!
Who is it?
Who is it?
Toothpaste.
I forgot mine...
Sir, it's ready.
You can check the
temperature of the water.
Boss, we're not
shooting a soap ad.
It's a ritual.
You go.
Go. - Okay, sir.
Thank you.
It's done.
Come... sit.
You can watch that newsreader
of yours tomorrow. Come now.
Just a minute, Roli.
You drown yourself, I am coming.
So listen, I've made a
list of modern vows...
for a modern wedding.
Yeah... first one.
You won't convert to
half a Punjabi...
but she'll become
a full Brahmin.
Meaning... no meat.
Mom, I am a chef. I run a
continental restaurant.
I can't cook potato wedges.
I saw that wink.
And Punnu, if you don't agree
to these terms, I will..
Fine, fine, I agree.
I am going. I am going to die.
Careful.
Enough. - That was just the
first, now for the second.
The second vow.
We'll name your first child.
I will.
You've already turned
into half Englishman.
God knows what name you'll come up
with like Tom, Dick or Harry. - Mom.
It's our kids, not yours alone.
Be quiet.
No one even realized how
soon you two grew up.
Uncle, aunty, grandpa... they
all raised you together.
If you don't answer my
questions correctly...
consider this wedding canceled.
First question.
How many beauty marks does
Shahana have on her body?
Your options are,
A, 21.
B, 37
Or C, 19.
Your options are wrong.
It's 33.
She must respect her
elders, touch our feet.
And we don't have
this kissing culture.
Mom..
Tell her... there are a couple
in places she cant see.
If you want you can
count again and check.
Son, count properly.
These hotel people always
increase the plate count.
Go honey.
Stop it.
Right answer.
Mom. Is it done? Can I go?
What is Shahana's
favorite position?
Missionary.
Why are you laughing?
Ranjeet.
Ranjeet.
Leave it. I'll do it.
She doesn't let you
keep a new secretary.
Or she'll find a secretary...
that you can never
get distracted by.
Are you drunk?
No... Just a little...
happy-happy.
Shahana is very sensible.
She's just like you.
You did a great job, Sushi.
Are your wife and kids
coming for the wedding?
Yes..
..tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.
No, it's yours.
Yes, it's mine.
Dare Time!
Shahana has to call
one of her exes...
and tell him that she
still loves him.
I know exactly which one to call.
- No, no.
Ma'am, you said yes,
you have do dare.
Cheering
cheering
I miss you.
I miss those evenings, those
nights, those afternoons...
I think I still...
You think we could...
You know, kind of get together.
Now last dare for the night.
You have to manage a quickie...
before we finish
eating this cake.
Shut up, okay.
Go run. Run.
Hi.
What are you doing?
If Mom... I sent
that cake as well.
I came to thank you.
Cool. Now you.. - No, now you.
Have you gone mad.
Dad has a habit of wandering around...
Shahana, please.
Our party isn't over yet...
Okay, okay... not here.
Only three minutes left, your
time starts now. - Okay. Okay.
Hey...
You Sisterfucker...
Pawan. - Listen to me...
Stop it.
- You could you do that with my sister?
What are you doing? Stop!
Leave me!
Is he your nephew?
Nephew?
But kissing on the lips?
Mom, it must be a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They kissed deliberately.
That boy's screwed
everything up.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!