Ballmastrz 9009 (2018–2020): Season 1, Episode 2 - With the Burning Spirit of Teamwork in Her Heart! - full transcript
Gaz plans to backstab The Leptons in her first game as captain, but a shocking new display of teamwork might change her mind.
Hey, hey, hey!
Heard the word, turds?
Gaz Digzy was the best
in the game
until she funked it up big time!
In his infinite mercy, Krayzar
let Gaz back into the game.
She got stuck with
the suckiest team, the Leptons!
Can she make them into winners
and show Krayzar
she's still got the goods?
Pee-ew!
Leptons hail
from the Consortium's
filthiest meta-zone,
Ulsa Guerin.
[ Grunting, squelching ]
[ Machine beeping ]
They turn poo into energy.
The air stinks!
Their people are poor!
You hate them, 'cause
you're better than them!
Can't wait to see
how Gaz gunks this up!
Let's watch!
Ballmastrz.
Ace: "With the Burning Spirit
of Teamwork in Her Heart!"
Listen up! You numb-nuts got to
start training hard so I can --
Yes, ma'am,
miss team captain, ma'am!
Whenever anyone told me
I was too poor,
too dumb, or too untalented,
I think of you,
my hero, Gaz Digzy,
and know nothing
can get in the way
of following my dreams!
And now, with a champion
like you on our team,
we have a real chance
to return dignity and pride
to my home of Ulsa Guerin!
The hopeless leading
the hopeless-er.
A tale too sad
for the saddest of poems.
[ Poink! ]
[ Gasps ]
Oh, poor, sensitive Leto.
If only my innate kindness
could rouse him
from his slumber of sombertude.
Quit saddening my man,
you psycho!
I'll pretend that wasn't hot
and move on.
If I'm going to be
your new captain --
Okay, okay, shut up now!
We might be the worst team
in the worst tier in the game,
but I'm the star
of that team, capiche?
So quit barking orders
like some kind of captain!
She is our captain,
Baby Ball.
I refuse to remember that,
so shut up!
Flip:
Go easy on her, Ball!
If the new chick
has to blow off some steam,
I got just the job.
Lucky for you, I kept
my most valuable appendage!
-[ Roars ]
-Yes, I meant penis, Lulu!
Way to ruin
my super sexy innuendo!
Wait a minute. We calling dibs
on Miss Muffin Top?
'Cause you can't call dibs.
I'm the Ball.
I get every dibs.
Oh, yeah, jerk hole?
Stranded in the wasteland and
cornered by an unrelenting horde
of ferocious Zurgchul
beasts of prey,
I saved myself by perfecting
the ultimate counter attack
to mindless aggression
from lower life forms!
Behold Umbilicus!
-[ Screaming ]
-[ Laughing ]
Aah! Get away! Aah!
Enough with
the tentacle porn.
[ Screaming ]
[ Giggles ]
[ Screaming ]
Whoa.
You ding-dangs are hopeless.
I'm hitting the bar.
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
End of the road.
Hey, psst, I thought
we should talk, in secret.
That's why I'm incognito.
-You see, I'm actually the Ba--
-Oh, you're the Ball!
-What do you want?
-How'd you know it was me?
I was incognito, stupid!
Buy me a drink or go.
Actually, just go.
Look, we got
our differences,
but it's clear to me
that you at your worst,
your "rock-bottom,
muffin-top,
probably stopped bathing,"
worst, is still better
than the Leptons
at their best.
All true.
But the best player can't
score without the Ball.
So let's you and me
stick together on the field.
We'll ignore --
No, scratch that.
We'll screw over the team
and worry about ourselves.
We'll showboat, grandstand,
razzle-dazzle.
I got a lot of hot moves.
We might lose the game,
but together,
we can win the crowd.
Yeah!
And then Krayzar will see
I belong back
in the top tier.
Okay, you got a deal.
Sweet!
Hey, let's drink on it.
You're buying, 'cause
I've got no money,
and I'm technically
not supposed to be here anymore.
I'm going to hide under the bar.
Don't cut yourself on me.
Don't soil your tighty whiteys.
We don't normally stream
tier zeta games,
but tonight's
the return of Gaz Digzy.
[ Crowd booing ]
So get ready to boo
the booze hound.
Even Krayzar doesn't
want to miss this!
It's the lame-o Leptons
of Ulsa Guerin
vs. the Misfit Murder Squad
from Sackarat.
-Boo!
-Gaz sucks!
We shouldn't have shown up,
or got out of bed,
or even been born.
We've never had
a turnout like this,
and we're sure to win,
as long as Gaz plays
with the burning spirit
of teamwork in her heart.
Fill me up, ding-dang.
That's the spirit!
Do I smell a pile of shit?
Oh, wait.
It's just Gaz Digzy.
You don't scare us,
you big bully!
They're so cute when they're
feisty, especially that one.
I'm going
to kill him first.
Ladies and gentle gamers,
it's time to grab your Balls!
[ Air horn blares ]
Where's she going?
[ Growls ]
No, Lulu!
♪♪
It looks like a victory
is in the cards!
What's the rush?
Let's play with them a while.
I changed my mind.
I want to kill
the big one first.
Yay!
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-[ Giggles ]
-Ballmastrz.
-[ Roars ]
-Atomic Candy Crush!
[ Giggles ]
♪♪
♪♪
I'm open.
Pass the Ball, man.
Sure, Leto.
Here I am holding up the Ball
with every intention
of passing it to you.
-What the...
-Perhaps I can lend you a hand.
Giganticard Barricade!
Ow. Oof.
Aw, geez. I want to hold
my forehead very badly,
but I can't.
Gaz, you're on our team.
Why aren't you helping us?!
[ Cackles evilly ]
Because right now,
I need your help, D.D.
Really? You need me?
Yes, I need you...
to take this hit!
[ Laughs ]
-Aah!
-Huge Green Power Poke!
Well, it's nice to be needed.
And I need to tear that bitch's
heart out through her nose!
Is this your true path, Digzy?
She's using us against us?
If it's every man
for himself,
Flip Champion does
fine on his own!
By spending two years
in stasis
under the soothing curtain
of a waterfall
in the terraformed pleasure
zone of Midori Glory,
I channeled my aura into
perfecting the ultimate length,
girth, pliability,
and sweet cherry-blossom aroma
of my unstoppable attack!
Behold Umbilicus!
♪♪
-Ah [bleep]
-Om.
[ Screaming ]
[ Both laugh ]
[ Cackling ]
[ Heartbeat ]
[ Squish, spectators groan ]
Aah!
Half time! Half time! Half time!
[ Ball and Gaz laughing ]
Oh, give me some
of that sweet juice!
[ Groans ]
I can put up with a lot.
I'm a starving orphan on
a losing team in a stinky town
whose hero turned out to be
a potty-mouthed,
drink-drinking
cuss-word-sayer.
But what I can't put up with
is betraying your own team!
I didn't want to believe it,
but maybe the world's
right about you, Gaz Digzy.
Maybe you're a disgrace
to the game after all.
Maybe there really is no hope
for you or for us.
Eugh!
[ Crowd cheering ]
That little [bleep]
-[ Groans ]
-Whoa. Cool it, toots.
-Calm down.
-Hey, kid.
You got something to prove,
then prove it or get smashed.
Aah!
Wow, a real pass from Gaz.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe she's a team player
after all.
I got ya.
[ Laughs ]
[ Gasps ]
What the...
Whoa!
Impossible. It can't be.
They've activated
the Ballmastr Formation,
the lost ancient weapon
of the Rad Warz.
-What --
-Happened?
-Is that us?
-Holy guacamole!
-We're amazing!
-We're badass!
Yeah!
Whoa!
What is that thing?
Let's smash it!
Invincible Mummy Kill.
Spiral Bandage for All!
♪♪
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
Aah!
We thrashed him!
We're not off the hook yet!
Right hook mega-smash!
♪♪
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-We did it!
-We did it!
-We did it?
-We did it?
Ballmastr.
Don't get cocky.
We still got to score.
Okay!
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-Crotch Rocket Ball Buster!
-Crotch Rocket Ball Buster!
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
[ Spectators murmur ]
Why isn't anyone cheering?
Is everyone too happy to talk?
Wrong score hole, dipshit!
Oops.
-That was awesome!
-Go, Leptons!
-What was that?
-Yeah!
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I'm...confused.
I'm a million times
more confused and happy
than anyone
in the whole, wide world ever!
We scored a goal!
In the wrong hole, dummy!
We have no idea
how we did that, moron!
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
Child nerd Ace Ambling,
what is your secret?
I guess great things
happen when --
Whatever, muffin top!
Ace Ambling and cowardly,
pathetic game ball Baby Ball,
how'd you turn the worst team
ever into whatever that was?
[ Gasps ]
That "whatever it was"
was part of my brilliant
master plan
that I don't feel like
explaining right now
but totally came up with, and --
-[ Muffled speaking ]
-Aw, shucks.
I guess it was just
a little teamwork.
Thanks for the pass, teammate!
Hey! Get off of me,
you little shit!
[ Laughing ]
Oh, you!
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballma--
Chirp.
Heard the word, turds?
Gaz Digzy was the best
in the game
until she funked it up big time!
In his infinite mercy, Krayzar
let Gaz back into the game.
She got stuck with
the suckiest team, the Leptons!
Can she make them into winners
and show Krayzar
she's still got the goods?
Pee-ew!
Leptons hail
from the Consortium's
filthiest meta-zone,
Ulsa Guerin.
[ Grunting, squelching ]
[ Machine beeping ]
They turn poo into energy.
The air stinks!
Their people are poor!
You hate them, 'cause
you're better than them!
Can't wait to see
how Gaz gunks this up!
Let's watch!
Ballmastrz.
Ace: "With the Burning Spirit
of Teamwork in Her Heart!"
Listen up! You numb-nuts got to
start training hard so I can --
Yes, ma'am,
miss team captain, ma'am!
Whenever anyone told me
I was too poor,
too dumb, or too untalented,
I think of you,
my hero, Gaz Digzy,
and know nothing
can get in the way
of following my dreams!
And now, with a champion
like you on our team,
we have a real chance
to return dignity and pride
to my home of Ulsa Guerin!
The hopeless leading
the hopeless-er.
A tale too sad
for the saddest of poems.
[ Poink! ]
[ Gasps ]
Oh, poor, sensitive Leto.
If only my innate kindness
could rouse him
from his slumber of sombertude.
Quit saddening my man,
you psycho!
I'll pretend that wasn't hot
and move on.
If I'm going to be
your new captain --
Okay, okay, shut up now!
We might be the worst team
in the worst tier in the game,
but I'm the star
of that team, capiche?
So quit barking orders
like some kind of captain!
She is our captain,
Baby Ball.
I refuse to remember that,
so shut up!
Flip:
Go easy on her, Ball!
If the new chick
has to blow off some steam,
I got just the job.
Lucky for you, I kept
my most valuable appendage!
-[ Roars ]
-Yes, I meant penis, Lulu!
Way to ruin
my super sexy innuendo!
Wait a minute. We calling dibs
on Miss Muffin Top?
'Cause you can't call dibs.
I'm the Ball.
I get every dibs.
Oh, yeah, jerk hole?
Stranded in the wasteland and
cornered by an unrelenting horde
of ferocious Zurgchul
beasts of prey,
I saved myself by perfecting
the ultimate counter attack
to mindless aggression
from lower life forms!
Behold Umbilicus!
-[ Screaming ]
-[ Laughing ]
Aah! Get away! Aah!
Enough with
the tentacle porn.
[ Screaming ]
[ Giggles ]
[ Screaming ]
Whoa.
You ding-dangs are hopeless.
I'm hitting the bar.
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
End of the road.
Hey, psst, I thought
we should talk, in secret.
That's why I'm incognito.
-You see, I'm actually the Ba--
-Oh, you're the Ball!
-What do you want?
-How'd you know it was me?
I was incognito, stupid!
Buy me a drink or go.
Actually, just go.
Look, we got
our differences,
but it's clear to me
that you at your worst,
your "rock-bottom,
muffin-top,
probably stopped bathing,"
worst, is still better
than the Leptons
at their best.
All true.
But the best player can't
score without the Ball.
So let's you and me
stick together on the field.
We'll ignore --
No, scratch that.
We'll screw over the team
and worry about ourselves.
We'll showboat, grandstand,
razzle-dazzle.
I got a lot of hot moves.
We might lose the game,
but together,
we can win the crowd.
Yeah!
And then Krayzar will see
I belong back
in the top tier.
Okay, you got a deal.
Sweet!
Hey, let's drink on it.
You're buying, 'cause
I've got no money,
and I'm technically
not supposed to be here anymore.
I'm going to hide under the bar.
Don't cut yourself on me.
Don't soil your tighty whiteys.
We don't normally stream
tier zeta games,
but tonight's
the return of Gaz Digzy.
[ Crowd booing ]
So get ready to boo
the booze hound.
Even Krayzar doesn't
want to miss this!
It's the lame-o Leptons
of Ulsa Guerin
vs. the Misfit Murder Squad
from Sackarat.
-Boo!
-Gaz sucks!
We shouldn't have shown up,
or got out of bed,
or even been born.
We've never had
a turnout like this,
and we're sure to win,
as long as Gaz plays
with the burning spirit
of teamwork in her heart.
Fill me up, ding-dang.
That's the spirit!
Do I smell a pile of shit?
Oh, wait.
It's just Gaz Digzy.
You don't scare us,
you big bully!
They're so cute when they're
feisty, especially that one.
I'm going
to kill him first.
Ladies and gentle gamers,
it's time to grab your Balls!
[ Air horn blares ]
Where's she going?
[ Growls ]
No, Lulu!
♪♪
It looks like a victory
is in the cards!
What's the rush?
Let's play with them a while.
I changed my mind.
I want to kill
the big one first.
Yay!
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-[ Giggles ]
-Ballmastrz.
-[ Roars ]
-Atomic Candy Crush!
[ Giggles ]
♪♪
♪♪
I'm open.
Pass the Ball, man.
Sure, Leto.
Here I am holding up the Ball
with every intention
of passing it to you.
-What the...
-Perhaps I can lend you a hand.
Giganticard Barricade!
Ow. Oof.
Aw, geez. I want to hold
my forehead very badly,
but I can't.
Gaz, you're on our team.
Why aren't you helping us?!
[ Cackles evilly ]
Because right now,
I need your help, D.D.
Really? You need me?
Yes, I need you...
to take this hit!
[ Laughs ]
-Aah!
-Huge Green Power Poke!
Well, it's nice to be needed.
And I need to tear that bitch's
heart out through her nose!
Is this your true path, Digzy?
She's using us against us?
If it's every man
for himself,
Flip Champion does
fine on his own!
By spending two years
in stasis
under the soothing curtain
of a waterfall
in the terraformed pleasure
zone of Midori Glory,
I channeled my aura into
perfecting the ultimate length,
girth, pliability,
and sweet cherry-blossom aroma
of my unstoppable attack!
Behold Umbilicus!
♪♪
-Ah [bleep]
-Om.
[ Screaming ]
[ Both laugh ]
[ Cackling ]
[ Heartbeat ]
[ Squish, spectators groan ]
Aah!
Half time! Half time! Half time!
[ Ball and Gaz laughing ]
Oh, give me some
of that sweet juice!
[ Groans ]
I can put up with a lot.
I'm a starving orphan on
a losing team in a stinky town
whose hero turned out to be
a potty-mouthed,
drink-drinking
cuss-word-sayer.
But what I can't put up with
is betraying your own team!
I didn't want to believe it,
but maybe the world's
right about you, Gaz Digzy.
Maybe you're a disgrace
to the game after all.
Maybe there really is no hope
for you or for us.
Eugh!
[ Crowd cheering ]
That little [bleep]
-[ Groans ]
-Whoa. Cool it, toots.
-Calm down.
-Hey, kid.
You got something to prove,
then prove it or get smashed.
Aah!
Wow, a real pass from Gaz.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe she's a team player
after all.
I got ya.
[ Laughs ]
[ Gasps ]
What the...
Whoa!
Impossible. It can't be.
They've activated
the Ballmastr Formation,
the lost ancient weapon
of the Rad Warz.
-What --
-Happened?
-Is that us?
-Holy guacamole!
-We're amazing!
-We're badass!
Yeah!
Whoa!
What is that thing?
Let's smash it!
Invincible Mummy Kill.
Spiral Bandage for All!
♪♪
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
Aah!
We thrashed him!
We're not off the hook yet!
Right hook mega-smash!
♪♪
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-We did it!
-We did it!
-We did it?
-We did it?
Ballmastr.
Don't get cocky.
We still got to score.
Okay!
[ Whispering ]
Ballmastrz.
-Crotch Rocket Ball Buster!
-Crotch Rocket Ball Buster!
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
[ Spectators murmur ]
Why isn't anyone cheering?
Is everyone too happy to talk?
Wrong score hole, dipshit!
Oops.
-That was awesome!
-Go, Leptons!
-What was that?
-Yeah!
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I'm...confused.
I'm a million times
more confused and happy
than anyone
in the whole, wide world ever!
We scored a goal!
In the wrong hole, dummy!
We have no idea
how we did that, moron!
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
Child nerd Ace Ambling,
what is your secret?
I guess great things
happen when --
Whatever, muffin top!
Ace Ambling and cowardly,
pathetic game ball Baby Ball,
how'd you turn the worst team
ever into whatever that was?
[ Gasps ]
That "whatever it was"
was part of my brilliant
master plan
that I don't feel like
explaining right now
but totally came up with, and --
-[ Muffled speaking ]
-Aw, shucks.
I guess it was just
a little teamwork.
Thanks for the pass, teammate!
Hey! Get off of me,
you little shit!
[ Laughing ]
Oh, you!
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballma--
Chirp.