Ballmastrz 9009 (2018–2020): Season 1, Episode 1 - A Shooting Star Named Gaz Digzy Falls Fast and Hard! - full transcript
The crazed ruler Krayzar has Gaz Digzy join the Leptons so that she can potentially work her way back into her old team.
"Ballmastrz."
Ace Ambling: "A Shooting Star
Named Gaz Digzy
Falls Fast & Hard!"
[ Electronic beeping ]
Aboo Buvu: The most p-p-popular
sport in human history is back!
-Back!
-But b-b-before we go
to The Main Event,
let's remember
why we play --
play the game!
-History Blurp!
-[ Burps ]
The Rad Warz!
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Screaming ]
What ha-ha-happened?!
The Rad Warz happened,
dumb-dumbs!
Raaaaaad.
They weren't "rad"!
They were bad!
Baaaaaa...aaaahh!
A-After the Rad Warz
destroyed the world,
the Gr-Great One united us
and made us all pros!
Why fight in the real world
when you can get
r-rich and famous
doing it in The Game?
Because of it,
there will never be
another Rad War again!
W-W-We owe everything
to The Great One!
[ Electronic beeping ]
Tonight,
it's cha-champs versus chumps!
W-with superstar
Gaz Digzy's Boom Boom Boys!
Host the wor-wor-worst team
in the Consorcium,
Osaka Rinn's Leptons!
My whole life I've dreamed
of meeting my idol,
Gaz Digzy,
and look at me now!
I'm not just meeting her,
I'm face-to-face playing
against her in The Game!
Am I dreaming?
Will somebody pinch me?!
Flip Champion: [ Laughs ]
[ Roaring ]
Your towel skills are admirable,
Duleena Duneeda,
but a supple wrist
is no match
for the hardened steel
that wields
the instrument
of your destruction!
Bring it on, stumpy!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Aaaaagghhhhh!
[ Thwack! ]
Hweugh-ahh!
[ Groans ]
If you put as much effort
into practicing
as you do goofing off,
we might actually
have a chance out there!
That's a joke, right?
We haven't won a game
since, like, ever.
Everyone knows we're
the worst team in The Game.
But we're playing
against Gaz Digzy!
The Gaz Digzy!
There's so much
we can learn from her!
She's super-duper-times-100
amazing!
Digzy's the enemy!
The enemy must fear you
before they respect you!
Stop kissing her ass,
you sniveling turd!
Don't yell
at my sweet Ace.
Yaaaghh!
Only I can yell
at my sweet Ace!
[ Grumbling ]
Across the Consorcium.
Fans and pros alike
are getting psyched to the bone
for the new season!
Here's what they have to say!
Boom Boom Boys?
Leptons?
Both pathetic against
my Bow Wow Watch Out Now!
Wind me up, boys!
♪♪
Centurion: The Boom Boom Boys
will be victorious, no doubt!
But they will fall
with a heavy crash
when they meet The Centurions
in battle!
Let's go l-l-live
to the main event!
[ Audience cheering ]
-I love you, Gaz Digzy!
-I love you, Gaz!
[ Cheering continues ]
Quasar:
I arrive, my children!
The Supreme Susseran,
the Martial
of the Meta Zone,
the Seats
that Teach the Chi.
If you're ready for a game,
let me hear my name.
[ Crowd chanting ]
Quasar! Quasar!
Music to my ears!
Let's meet the teams!
From your home turf,
the Boom Boom Boys!
♪♪
♪♪
[ Fireworks crackle ]
♪♪
[ Cheering increases ]
And their opponents...
All the way from the UG,
the Leptons!
Man: Leptons suck!
[ Audience booing ]
At least they're not
throwing stuff at us again.
Ouch.
Today, we begin
the new season
of the glorious Game!
Teams,
grab...your...Balls!
[ Whistle blows ]
Aboo Buvu: Ball Cannons
are locked and loaded
as we're moments away
from the start of the Game!
[ Whistle blows ]
F-f-fact break, fact break,
fact break!
Back in ancient times,
Games were called sports
and they sucked!
There were too many of 'em!
And too many stupid rules!
Who wants to remember all
that complicated mumbo jumbo?
[ Audience booing ]
Man: Sports suck!
That's why Quasar made it
nice and simple for you!
One game, two rules.
[ Crowd chanting ]
Use the Ball to kill,
use the Ball to score.
Thanks to The Game,
there's no more war!
Bingo!
[ Scream-crying ]
And it's o-o-on!
Gaz Digzy leads the pack!
And it's looks like she'll make
the fir-fir-first receive
of the night!
[ English accent ]
Missed your sweet touch, babe.
'Sup, boo?
[ Scream-crying ]
What a wanker.
I'm gonna knock
that ball's dick in the dirt!
You think
one of you dipshits
could actually catch me
for a change?!
I got ya, Baby Ball!
Anybody but you, dipshit!
I got you, man.
Out of my way, dumbass!
[ Zoom! ]
[ Roars ]
I almost feel sorry
for these guys.
You're not goin' soft on me,
are you, cupcake?
Well, I said "almost."
Let's take 'em
to pound town!
♪♪
Aboo Buvu: And Digzy takes down
Leto for a dou-dou-double!
He'll be ch-ch-chillin'
in the P Cubes
with the official
sp-sp-sponsors
of tonight's game, B.E.H.O.
Ad break! Ad break! Ad break!
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
Speed up time
and heal with the slime!
The original Biologically
Engineered Healing Organism!
[ Grumbles demonically ]
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
B.E.H.O. --
the official sponsor
of The Game.
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
[ Audience cheering ]
Gaz and Boom Boom Ball make
the first score of the night!
While the rest
of the Boom Boom Boys
have a little fun
with the Leptons.
[ Gurgles, spits ]
[ Audience cheering ]
[ Mumbles indistinctly ]
Digzy and Boom Boom Ball
continue to do-do-dominate!
Doesn't look good
for their opponent!
But when does it look good
for the L-L-Leptons?
[ Roaring ]
[ Audience cheering ]
You cheeky Digzy.
[ Laughs ]
I know these
undisciplined amateurs
offer no challenge
to you, Digzy,
but I, Flip Champion,
am a different story!
And I'm done
screwing around!!
By removing
my arms and legs,
wearing
this sensory deprivation mask,
and the study
of Dark Tantric Scrolls,
I have maximized my anomalous
Twelve-pack Rectus of Dominance,
refocused my chi
through the Third Naval Chakra,
and awakened
the ultimate bounty!
Behold --
the fruit of my sacrifice --
Umbilicus!
♪♪
[ Slice! ]
[ Laughing ] Wow!
Whatcha smilin' at,
dirt farmer?
Actually, Osaka Rinn's primary
industry is stilth millery!
The recycling
of human waste from gar--
Hey, kid?
Yeeeeah?
You talk too much.
[ Laughs ]
I talked to her!
I actually talked to her!!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Audience cheering ]
Gaz Digzy:
Another victory.
Another easy victory.
If they only knew
how boring it's become.
♪♪
Look at 'em.
Patting themselves on the back.
What are they celebrating?!
I won The Game!
So why isn't this fun
anymore?
Boom Boom Ball: Ohh,
what's the matter, sour puss?
Who wants a pick-me-up?
[ Inhaling deeply ]
♪♪
Whoo!
[ Grunts ]
Wow!
♪♪
[ Screeches ]
♪♪
[ Hissing ]
♪♪
[ Moaning ]
♪♪
[ Sirens wailing ]
Uhh, guys?
I think we're about to make
the Evening Holo-tube Report.
Holy moly, it's Gaz!
[ Sirens wailing ]
She probably wants to
congratulate us on a great game!
[ Sirens wailing ]
Out of the way,
you ding dongs!
[ Tires screeching ]
[ Screaming ]
This day
just keeps getting better!
First Gaz talks to me
and now --
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
[ Electronic beeping ]
Aboo Buvu: G-Gaz Digzy,
rising superstar,
with a br-br-bright future
ahead!
Until she threw it all away
in the city of sin,
Osaka Rinn!
What a dump!
Gaz Digzy --
What a dumbass.
B-B-Bad girl, hot head!
W-W-W-W-Wild card!
Straight-up
out-of-control bitch!
And that's just
what her holo-card says!
Like a t-turd
that won't flush!
Digzy's down-downward spiral
seems to have
no end in sight!
Let's go live
as she finishes her fifth stint
in celebrity re-rehab!
Three strikes
and you're out, Digzy!
Don't come back!
Hey, screw you, a-hole!
What kind of resort
don't serve alcohol?!
[ Angry murmuring ]
She looks even fatter
in person!
What a worthless pig!
How many drinks
you have today, wastoid?!
Ow.
Agh, quit it!
Get her!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
♪♪
What do you want from me?
♪♪
What the...
♪♪
What's this,
your kinky love den?
Not impressed.
You were always
my favorite player, Gaz.
Skill, style, charisma.
The whole shebang!
But along with the good,
you also got the bad.
And the ugly.
Take a good look
at yourself, Gaz.
You're
a self-destructive mess!
Ahh, come on, man.
You got to be such a douche
about it?!
I really should ban you
from The Game,
but that would be
a waste of potential.
What are you, my dad?!
Look, I know I messed up!
I'll get my shit together
if you put me back in The Game!
Oh, I'm putting you
back in,
but you're going to have
to earn it.
Always with the drama!
You created The Game --
you can do
whatever you want!
Cut me some slack!
And where's the fun
in that?
After thousands of years
as the Supreme Ruler,
I've learned it can get dull
at times.
I have to keep things
spicy.
I'm sure you can relate.
Sure, I could just
snap my fingers
and fix a lot of things,
but that isn't
why I created The Game.
I created The Game
to save humanity from itself,
by inspiring people to rise
to their full potential!
And I've got
a front-row seat.
Hey, get a load
of these skid marks!
Whueeew!
Disgusting!
You need to learn how
to wipe yourself properly!
Come on, guys!
Give 'em back!
If you can help this team
win just one game,
I'll think about putting you
back on your old team.
Uuuuuuugh.
You got to be kidding me.
"Ballmastrz."
"Ballmastrz."
"Ballma--"
Chirp.
Ace Ambling: "A Shooting Star
Named Gaz Digzy
Falls Fast & Hard!"
[ Electronic beeping ]
Aboo Buvu: The most p-p-popular
sport in human history is back!
-Back!
-But b-b-before we go
to The Main Event,
let's remember
why we play --
play the game!
-History Blurp!
-[ Burps ]
The Rad Warz!
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Screaming ]
What ha-ha-happened?!
The Rad Warz happened,
dumb-dumbs!
Raaaaaad.
They weren't "rad"!
They were bad!
Baaaaaa...aaaahh!
A-After the Rad Warz
destroyed the world,
the Gr-Great One united us
and made us all pros!
Why fight in the real world
when you can get
r-rich and famous
doing it in The Game?
Because of it,
there will never be
another Rad War again!
W-W-We owe everything
to The Great One!
[ Electronic beeping ]
Tonight,
it's cha-champs versus chumps!
W-with superstar
Gaz Digzy's Boom Boom Boys!
Host the wor-wor-worst team
in the Consorcium,
Osaka Rinn's Leptons!
My whole life I've dreamed
of meeting my idol,
Gaz Digzy,
and look at me now!
I'm not just meeting her,
I'm face-to-face playing
against her in The Game!
Am I dreaming?
Will somebody pinch me?!
Flip Champion: [ Laughs ]
[ Roaring ]
Your towel skills are admirable,
Duleena Duneeda,
but a supple wrist
is no match
for the hardened steel
that wields
the instrument
of your destruction!
Bring it on, stumpy!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Aaaaagghhhhh!
[ Thwack! ]
Hweugh-ahh!
[ Groans ]
If you put as much effort
into practicing
as you do goofing off,
we might actually
have a chance out there!
That's a joke, right?
We haven't won a game
since, like, ever.
Everyone knows we're
the worst team in The Game.
But we're playing
against Gaz Digzy!
The Gaz Digzy!
There's so much
we can learn from her!
She's super-duper-times-100
amazing!
Digzy's the enemy!
The enemy must fear you
before they respect you!
Stop kissing her ass,
you sniveling turd!
Don't yell
at my sweet Ace.
Yaaaghh!
Only I can yell
at my sweet Ace!
[ Grumbling ]
Across the Consorcium.
Fans and pros alike
are getting psyched to the bone
for the new season!
Here's what they have to say!
Boom Boom Boys?
Leptons?
Both pathetic against
my Bow Wow Watch Out Now!
Wind me up, boys!
♪♪
Centurion: The Boom Boom Boys
will be victorious, no doubt!
But they will fall
with a heavy crash
when they meet The Centurions
in battle!
Let's go l-l-live
to the main event!
[ Audience cheering ]
-I love you, Gaz Digzy!
-I love you, Gaz!
[ Cheering continues ]
Quasar:
I arrive, my children!
The Supreme Susseran,
the Martial
of the Meta Zone,
the Seats
that Teach the Chi.
If you're ready for a game,
let me hear my name.
[ Crowd chanting ]
Quasar! Quasar!
Music to my ears!
Let's meet the teams!
From your home turf,
the Boom Boom Boys!
♪♪
♪♪
[ Fireworks crackle ]
♪♪
[ Cheering increases ]
And their opponents...
All the way from the UG,
the Leptons!
Man: Leptons suck!
[ Audience booing ]
At least they're not
throwing stuff at us again.
Ouch.
Today, we begin
the new season
of the glorious Game!
Teams,
grab...your...Balls!
[ Whistle blows ]
Aboo Buvu: Ball Cannons
are locked and loaded
as we're moments away
from the start of the Game!
[ Whistle blows ]
F-f-fact break, fact break,
fact break!
Back in ancient times,
Games were called sports
and they sucked!
There were too many of 'em!
And too many stupid rules!
Who wants to remember all
that complicated mumbo jumbo?
[ Audience booing ]
Man: Sports suck!
That's why Quasar made it
nice and simple for you!
One game, two rules.
[ Crowd chanting ]
Use the Ball to kill,
use the Ball to score.
Thanks to The Game,
there's no more war!
Bingo!
[ Scream-crying ]
And it's o-o-on!
Gaz Digzy leads the pack!
And it's looks like she'll make
the fir-fir-first receive
of the night!
[ English accent ]
Missed your sweet touch, babe.
'Sup, boo?
[ Scream-crying ]
What a wanker.
I'm gonna knock
that ball's dick in the dirt!
You think
one of you dipshits
could actually catch me
for a change?!
I got ya, Baby Ball!
Anybody but you, dipshit!
I got you, man.
Out of my way, dumbass!
[ Zoom! ]
[ Roars ]
I almost feel sorry
for these guys.
You're not goin' soft on me,
are you, cupcake?
Well, I said "almost."
Let's take 'em
to pound town!
♪♪
Aboo Buvu: And Digzy takes down
Leto for a dou-dou-double!
He'll be ch-ch-chillin'
in the P Cubes
with the official
sp-sp-sponsors
of tonight's game, B.E.H.O.
Ad break! Ad break! Ad break!
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
Speed up time
and heal with the slime!
The original Biologically
Engineered Healing Organism!
[ Grumbles demonically ]
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
B.E.H.O. --
the official sponsor
of The Game.
♪ B.E.H.O. ♪
[ Audience cheering ]
Gaz and Boom Boom Ball make
the first score of the night!
While the rest
of the Boom Boom Boys
have a little fun
with the Leptons.
[ Gurgles, spits ]
[ Audience cheering ]
[ Mumbles indistinctly ]
Digzy and Boom Boom Ball
continue to do-do-dominate!
Doesn't look good
for their opponent!
But when does it look good
for the L-L-Leptons?
[ Roaring ]
[ Audience cheering ]
You cheeky Digzy.
[ Laughs ]
I know these
undisciplined amateurs
offer no challenge
to you, Digzy,
but I, Flip Champion,
am a different story!
And I'm done
screwing around!!
By removing
my arms and legs,
wearing
this sensory deprivation mask,
and the study
of Dark Tantric Scrolls,
I have maximized my anomalous
Twelve-pack Rectus of Dominance,
refocused my chi
through the Third Naval Chakra,
and awakened
the ultimate bounty!
Behold --
the fruit of my sacrifice --
Umbilicus!
♪♪
[ Slice! ]
[ Laughing ] Wow!
Whatcha smilin' at,
dirt farmer?
Actually, Osaka Rinn's primary
industry is stilth millery!
The recycling
of human waste from gar--
Hey, kid?
Yeeeeah?
You talk too much.
[ Laughs ]
I talked to her!
I actually talked to her!!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Audience cheering ]
Gaz Digzy:
Another victory.
Another easy victory.
If they only knew
how boring it's become.
♪♪
Look at 'em.
Patting themselves on the back.
What are they celebrating?!
I won The Game!
So why isn't this fun
anymore?
Boom Boom Ball: Ohh,
what's the matter, sour puss?
Who wants a pick-me-up?
[ Inhaling deeply ]
♪♪
Whoo!
[ Grunts ]
Wow!
♪♪
[ Screeches ]
♪♪
[ Hissing ]
♪♪
[ Moaning ]
♪♪
[ Sirens wailing ]
Uhh, guys?
I think we're about to make
the Evening Holo-tube Report.
Holy moly, it's Gaz!
[ Sirens wailing ]
She probably wants to
congratulate us on a great game!
[ Sirens wailing ]
Out of the way,
you ding dongs!
[ Tires screeching ]
[ Screaming ]
This day
just keeps getting better!
First Gaz talks to me
and now --
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
[ Electronic beeping ]
Aboo Buvu: G-Gaz Digzy,
rising superstar,
with a br-br-bright future
ahead!
Until she threw it all away
in the city of sin,
Osaka Rinn!
What a dump!
Gaz Digzy --
What a dumbass.
B-B-Bad girl, hot head!
W-W-W-W-Wild card!
Straight-up
out-of-control bitch!
And that's just
what her holo-card says!
Like a t-turd
that won't flush!
Digzy's down-downward spiral
seems to have
no end in sight!
Let's go live
as she finishes her fifth stint
in celebrity re-rehab!
Three strikes
and you're out, Digzy!
Don't come back!
Hey, screw you, a-hole!
What kind of resort
don't serve alcohol?!
[ Angry murmuring ]
She looks even fatter
in person!
What a worthless pig!
How many drinks
you have today, wastoid?!
Ow.
Agh, quit it!
Get her!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
♪♪
What do you want from me?
♪♪
What the...
♪♪
What's this,
your kinky love den?
Not impressed.
You were always
my favorite player, Gaz.
Skill, style, charisma.
The whole shebang!
But along with the good,
you also got the bad.
And the ugly.
Take a good look
at yourself, Gaz.
You're
a self-destructive mess!
Ahh, come on, man.
You got to be such a douche
about it?!
I really should ban you
from The Game,
but that would be
a waste of potential.
What are you, my dad?!
Look, I know I messed up!
I'll get my shit together
if you put me back in The Game!
Oh, I'm putting you
back in,
but you're going to have
to earn it.
Always with the drama!
You created The Game --
you can do
whatever you want!
Cut me some slack!
And where's the fun
in that?
After thousands of years
as the Supreme Ruler,
I've learned it can get dull
at times.
I have to keep things
spicy.
I'm sure you can relate.
Sure, I could just
snap my fingers
and fix a lot of things,
but that isn't
why I created The Game.
I created The Game
to save humanity from itself,
by inspiring people to rise
to their full potential!
And I've got
a front-row seat.
Hey, get a load
of these skid marks!
Whueeew!
Disgusting!
You need to learn how
to wipe yourself properly!
Come on, guys!
Give 'em back!
If you can help this team
win just one game,
I'll think about putting you
back on your old team.
Uuuuuuugh.
You got to be kidding me.
"Ballmastrz."
"Ballmastrz."
"Ballma--"
Chirp.