Ballmastrz 9009 (2018–2020): Season 1, Episode 3 - Very Special Balls! - full transcript
In an attempt to understand Ace and Babyball's incredible new powers, The Leptons seek the psychotic advice of Crayzar.
Ballmastrz!
"Very Special Balls!"
[ Beeping ]
Don't close your eye holes
or you'll miss
what everyone is laughing about.
The lowly Leptons unveiled
their new super suit.
What the hell is it?!
But whatever it is,
those dum-dums still found a way
to screw it up.
Let's go live to
a press conference
with Ulsa Guerin's metazone
commissioner Buddy Marinara.
What was that secret weapon?
What else can it do?!
Ace, everyone wants to know,
do you have a girlfriend?
-Uh...
-All right, one at a time!
You really think we're gonna
spill the beans
on our new advantage?
Ace, when can we see it again?
Um, I'm not really sure.
Ha, he's not really sure
you can handle it.
This is a new chapter
in the history of the Leptons.
The best is yet to come!
Did someone say come?
I thought you'd never ask!
Baby Ball has entered
the building.
Baby Ball, how does it feel
to be the biggest name in balls?
When you got it, you got it.
And when I bless
Ace with my secret sauce,
well, you all saw
what we can do.
Damn, it feels good
to Ballmaster!
Right, ladies?
"Ballmaster"?
I like the sound of that.
Call him what it is --
a robo-dork!
We still lost,
and we still suck butts!
[ Belches ]
Gaz Digzy, you're drunk!
I don't get drunk,
I just get way more fun.
Now, tell us all about this
ball-muncher thing
that you don't know
crap about.
Ballmaster.
And it's gonna be a game-changer
when Ace and Baby Ball--
Aw, those two ass-butts
couldn't form a wet fart.
They can't do it again
'cause they don't even know
they did it the first time!
To be completely honest--
Of course they know
how to do it again.
And to prove it, tomorrow night,
Ballmaster will take
on the Xythryll!
The unspeakable horror
that is the Xythryll?!
That's crazy talk!
It's on! Set your alarm,
call your bookie,
'cause tomorrow night,
our Ballmaster is gonna bring
the hurt-down on the Xythryll!
Or my name isn't Buddy Marinara.
[ Grunts ]
Nothing, again!
Ace, I'd appreciate it if you
stop making this so difficult.
I just don't get it.
What are we doing wrong?
I knew it was a fluke!
There are two kinds of athletes:
snots and turds.
Turds come out of nowhere
but fall off quickly.
Snots -- like me --
stick around for a long time.
We're the glue that holds
the team together.
Sorry, turds!
Admit that you stink
and it ain't gonna happen again.
Oh, it's gonna happen.
I've already spent every cent
of our marketing budget
to make sure every eyeball
on the planet is on us tonight.
Which one of you garbage
hicks is gonna fill me in
on what the hell a Xythryll is?
Man: A Xythryll --
an abomination of nature!
The Xythryll is
a monstrous creature
that haunts decommissioned
filth-millery 9666.
Baby Ball: It began with
an abandoned pet,
a forsaken chinchilla
flushed into the sewers.
Then a steady diet
of radioactive toxic trash
mutated it into a brutally
efficient killing machine!
Woman: No one's seen
its entire body,
only glimpsed its frightening,
deadly appendages as they
break the surface filth.
Man: Every now and then, some
unlucky teenagers go missing
on a dare to explore
its den,
never to return.
The Xythryll is no joke!
So y'all better figure out this
Ballmaster formation business,
'cause we've already sold
every seat in the house!
Well, I'll be sort of sorry
if this Xythryll thing
tears you two limb from limb.
But you can go to your grave
knowing Gaz Digzy
saw through your bullshit.
For the love of Krayzar,
I'm way too sexy
to get devoured
by a trash-monster!
Krayzar, that's it!
Krayzar's gotta know the secret
to forming a Ballmaster.
Let's ask him!
Good luck with that!
He doesn't exactly make it easy.
I hope you don't have to have
a pure heart to enter,
'cause I've been into
some weird stuff lately.
What do we do,
knock or something?
Two guesses to cross this gate,
the great will save us
from the rat wars' fate.
What does Krayzar miss
the most
from, like, before
the world was toast?
A riddle key!
What does Krayzar miss most?
That's a toughie.
-Titties.
-Wrong.
Nine guesses.
-Spaghetti!
Eight guesses!
I was gonna say "spaghetti."
-Seven guesses.
-Slow down and think.
Well, I haven't had
a margarita in a minute.
Six guesses.
Clearly this is
a trick question.
"What does he miss the most?"
Miss Brazil -- final answer.
Nope, wrong.
Five guesses.
-Long walks on the beach.
-Four.
-Short walks in the woods!
-Three.
Rolling down a hill
for no reason.
-Two guesses.
-Stop!
Those still exist!
[ Belches ]
One guess remains.
Everyone huddle up.
We only have one guess left.
♪♪
How'd that little freak do that?
Silence!
Bob, you did it!
Whoa!
Well, well, well!
Look what the portal sucked in.
Please, dine with me.
Don't have to ask us twice!
Big deal!
I've seen better spreads
at nudie bars.
Go ahead.
I know you're dying to ask.
What happened to us
in that last game.
What did we become?
A Ballmaster, of course.
[ Laughing maniacally ]
[ Artillery fire ]
During the Rad Warz,
special soldiers were paired
with artificially intelligent
weapons called death orbs.
Their brain waves were
engineered to synchronize,
allowing them to do
wonderful things together.
[ Screaming ]
[ Blade ringing,
screaming ]
Their most powerful ability
was to combine the technology
weapons of the old
with the genetic material
of the soldier,
creating a super-weapon
known as Ballmaster.
[ Screaming ]
Just like us, Baby Ball.
Nothing like us, specifically
the bad-ass codpiece part,
which is all me.
They were incredibly powerful
and had the ability to create
Ballmaster formations,
variations in their size,
shape, and weaponry.
And this required
a great cunning
and discipline to master --
but could also be highly
unpredictable and dangerous
in the hands
of an unskilled pilot.
These two are the foster
children of unskilled.
How long until they kill us all?
She's right! If I were to synch
with the ball,
I would create a far-superior
Ballmaster formation!
Yeah, right.
No offense, Flip,
but you're
like a grade-A doofer.
The Rad Warz ravished our world.
The death orbs that weren't
destroyed, I scavenged
and used them
to create game balls.
I didn't imagine I would
ever witness
the power of
the Ballmaster again.
And the pairing of orb
to soldier
was as unique
as a human fingerprint.
It should have been lost
to the past --
and it was --
until you two found each other.
Yeah, we rule it!
But how did we do it,
and how do we do it again?
Your brain waves are in
a highly unique state
of synchronicity,
opposites that complement
each other perfectly!
The living Yin and Yang.
Seems chill.
One is super-cool, smart,
awesome, and perfect.
Me, obviously.
And the other, incredibly dumb.
Hey!
Be nice!
You're both stupid!
Krayzar: The secret to forming
the Ballmaster
is formation velocity.
Both ball and warrior
must let go,
neither in control,
yet both in control.
Two become one!
Careful, young warrior.
The Ballmaster can be
extremely temperamental --
at times, almost impossible
to control.
You got, like, a pamphlet
I can look at,
or maybe an instructional video?
You're gonna trust two turds
with that ability to form into
an even bigger super-dangerous,
destructive dip-shit?
Part of me is terrified of the
apocalyptic power they possess.
But the other part of me is,
like, "Whatever, man!
This is awesome!"
You really put the "Kray"
in Krayzar.
I envy you, Gaz.
You're the one who'll either
guide them to victory
or incite Armageddon.
The Ballmaster is in your court.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
I'll be watching!
Pervert.
On behalf of of Ulsa Guerin
and the mighty mighty Leptons,
I welcome you to a
once-in-a-millennia event.
Wow. They look teensy-weensy
down there.
Poor suckers don't
stand a chance!
Like a moth drawn to a flame,
I cannot look away.
Dang!
Where'd she get those nachos?
[ Air horn blowing ]
Fire it up, boys!
Okay, kid,
let's do this!
Let go.
Yeah, let go!
Let go.
I'll form the codpiece!
Aah!
Oh!
Right in the brains.
Aah!
Pick up your marbles
and get moving, Ace!
Whoa!
Ow!
Banzai!
Yes!
Uh-oh!
I don't know what made you
so stupid, kid,
but it really works.
One more try.
Ha ha!
That's more like it!
Let's smash this creep!
[ Screeching ]
Whoa!
Will you cool it
with the speed wobbles?
I can't control it!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa!
[ Screeching ]
Oh!
Krayzar: The fallen warrior
must let go.
Talk to me, Ace!
I'm gonna die between
the legs of a moron.
Oh!
Start acting like
snots, you turds!
Thank you, Gaz!
Very helpful!
No, she's right.
Neither in control,
yet both in control.
Two become one.
Two become one!
Are you with me, buddy?!
Yes, I'm with you!
Let's not die!
One becomes three!
Both: Three-card Monte!
[ Snarling ]
Ballmastrz!
Both: Bolo ball drop.
Ballmastrz!
Baby ball in the corner pocket.
Both:
Flutter fists of fury!
Time to send this fiend
back the the depths of hell!
All right, kid, don't get cocky.
Both: Make it rain pain!
[ Screeching, explosion ]
Ballmastrz!
[ Laughs ]
Missed?!
All of them?!
I told you not to get cocky,
Captain Mo-Mo.
[ Screeching ]
The proof is in the pounding.
Ballmaster rules!
And the whole consortium saw it.
Hey, what's the big idea?
What, that wasn't enough
pizzazz for 'em?
You nitwits just unleashed
a public menace!
The streets aren't safe!
Oh, I guess we don't know
our own strength yet.
Do our lousy team a favor
and get the hell out of there
while you're still in one piece.
Run!
Roger that, Gaz!
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy boy,
you look like you could use
a drink!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmast--
Chirp.
♪♪
"Very Special Balls!"
[ Beeping ]
Don't close your eye holes
or you'll miss
what everyone is laughing about.
The lowly Leptons unveiled
their new super suit.
What the hell is it?!
But whatever it is,
those dum-dums still found a way
to screw it up.
Let's go live to
a press conference
with Ulsa Guerin's metazone
commissioner Buddy Marinara.
What was that secret weapon?
What else can it do?!
Ace, everyone wants to know,
do you have a girlfriend?
-Uh...
-All right, one at a time!
You really think we're gonna
spill the beans
on our new advantage?
Ace, when can we see it again?
Um, I'm not really sure.
Ha, he's not really sure
you can handle it.
This is a new chapter
in the history of the Leptons.
The best is yet to come!
Did someone say come?
I thought you'd never ask!
Baby Ball has entered
the building.
Baby Ball, how does it feel
to be the biggest name in balls?
When you got it, you got it.
And when I bless
Ace with my secret sauce,
well, you all saw
what we can do.
Damn, it feels good
to Ballmaster!
Right, ladies?
"Ballmaster"?
I like the sound of that.
Call him what it is --
a robo-dork!
We still lost,
and we still suck butts!
[ Belches ]
Gaz Digzy, you're drunk!
I don't get drunk,
I just get way more fun.
Now, tell us all about this
ball-muncher thing
that you don't know
crap about.
Ballmaster.
And it's gonna be a game-changer
when Ace and Baby Ball--
Aw, those two ass-butts
couldn't form a wet fart.
They can't do it again
'cause they don't even know
they did it the first time!
To be completely honest--
Of course they know
how to do it again.
And to prove it, tomorrow night,
Ballmaster will take
on the Xythryll!
The unspeakable horror
that is the Xythryll?!
That's crazy talk!
It's on! Set your alarm,
call your bookie,
'cause tomorrow night,
our Ballmaster is gonna bring
the hurt-down on the Xythryll!
Or my name isn't Buddy Marinara.
[ Grunts ]
Nothing, again!
Ace, I'd appreciate it if you
stop making this so difficult.
I just don't get it.
What are we doing wrong?
I knew it was a fluke!
There are two kinds of athletes:
snots and turds.
Turds come out of nowhere
but fall off quickly.
Snots -- like me --
stick around for a long time.
We're the glue that holds
the team together.
Sorry, turds!
Admit that you stink
and it ain't gonna happen again.
Oh, it's gonna happen.
I've already spent every cent
of our marketing budget
to make sure every eyeball
on the planet is on us tonight.
Which one of you garbage
hicks is gonna fill me in
on what the hell a Xythryll is?
Man: A Xythryll --
an abomination of nature!
The Xythryll is
a monstrous creature
that haunts decommissioned
filth-millery 9666.
Baby Ball: It began with
an abandoned pet,
a forsaken chinchilla
flushed into the sewers.
Then a steady diet
of radioactive toxic trash
mutated it into a brutally
efficient killing machine!
Woman: No one's seen
its entire body,
only glimpsed its frightening,
deadly appendages as they
break the surface filth.
Man: Every now and then, some
unlucky teenagers go missing
on a dare to explore
its den,
never to return.
The Xythryll is no joke!
So y'all better figure out this
Ballmaster formation business,
'cause we've already sold
every seat in the house!
Well, I'll be sort of sorry
if this Xythryll thing
tears you two limb from limb.
But you can go to your grave
knowing Gaz Digzy
saw through your bullshit.
For the love of Krayzar,
I'm way too sexy
to get devoured
by a trash-monster!
Krayzar, that's it!
Krayzar's gotta know the secret
to forming a Ballmaster.
Let's ask him!
Good luck with that!
He doesn't exactly make it easy.
I hope you don't have to have
a pure heart to enter,
'cause I've been into
some weird stuff lately.
What do we do,
knock or something?
Two guesses to cross this gate,
the great will save us
from the rat wars' fate.
What does Krayzar miss
the most
from, like, before
the world was toast?
A riddle key!
What does Krayzar miss most?
That's a toughie.
-Titties.
-Wrong.
Nine guesses.
-Spaghetti!
Eight guesses!
I was gonna say "spaghetti."
-Seven guesses.
-Slow down and think.
Well, I haven't had
a margarita in a minute.
Six guesses.
Clearly this is
a trick question.
"What does he miss the most?"
Miss Brazil -- final answer.
Nope, wrong.
Five guesses.
-Long walks on the beach.
-Four.
-Short walks in the woods!
-Three.
Rolling down a hill
for no reason.
-Two guesses.
-Stop!
Those still exist!
[ Belches ]
One guess remains.
Everyone huddle up.
We only have one guess left.
♪♪
How'd that little freak do that?
Silence!
Bob, you did it!
Whoa!
Well, well, well!
Look what the portal sucked in.
Please, dine with me.
Don't have to ask us twice!
Big deal!
I've seen better spreads
at nudie bars.
Go ahead.
I know you're dying to ask.
What happened to us
in that last game.
What did we become?
A Ballmaster, of course.
[ Laughing maniacally ]
[ Artillery fire ]
During the Rad Warz,
special soldiers were paired
with artificially intelligent
weapons called death orbs.
Their brain waves were
engineered to synchronize,
allowing them to do
wonderful things together.
[ Screaming ]
[ Blade ringing,
screaming ]
Their most powerful ability
was to combine the technology
weapons of the old
with the genetic material
of the soldier,
creating a super-weapon
known as Ballmaster.
[ Screaming ]
Just like us, Baby Ball.
Nothing like us, specifically
the bad-ass codpiece part,
which is all me.
They were incredibly powerful
and had the ability to create
Ballmaster formations,
variations in their size,
shape, and weaponry.
And this required
a great cunning
and discipline to master --
but could also be highly
unpredictable and dangerous
in the hands
of an unskilled pilot.
These two are the foster
children of unskilled.
How long until they kill us all?
She's right! If I were to synch
with the ball,
I would create a far-superior
Ballmaster formation!
Yeah, right.
No offense, Flip,
but you're
like a grade-A doofer.
The Rad Warz ravished our world.
The death orbs that weren't
destroyed, I scavenged
and used them
to create game balls.
I didn't imagine I would
ever witness
the power of
the Ballmaster again.
And the pairing of orb
to soldier
was as unique
as a human fingerprint.
It should have been lost
to the past --
and it was --
until you two found each other.
Yeah, we rule it!
But how did we do it,
and how do we do it again?
Your brain waves are in
a highly unique state
of synchronicity,
opposites that complement
each other perfectly!
The living Yin and Yang.
Seems chill.
One is super-cool, smart,
awesome, and perfect.
Me, obviously.
And the other, incredibly dumb.
Hey!
Be nice!
You're both stupid!
Krayzar: The secret to forming
the Ballmaster
is formation velocity.
Both ball and warrior
must let go,
neither in control,
yet both in control.
Two become one!
Careful, young warrior.
The Ballmaster can be
extremely temperamental --
at times, almost impossible
to control.
You got, like, a pamphlet
I can look at,
or maybe an instructional video?
You're gonna trust two turds
with that ability to form into
an even bigger super-dangerous,
destructive dip-shit?
Part of me is terrified of the
apocalyptic power they possess.
But the other part of me is,
like, "Whatever, man!
This is awesome!"
You really put the "Kray"
in Krayzar.
I envy you, Gaz.
You're the one who'll either
guide them to victory
or incite Armageddon.
The Ballmaster is in your court.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
I'll be watching!
Pervert.
On behalf of of Ulsa Guerin
and the mighty mighty Leptons,
I welcome you to a
once-in-a-millennia event.
Wow. They look teensy-weensy
down there.
Poor suckers don't
stand a chance!
Like a moth drawn to a flame,
I cannot look away.
Dang!
Where'd she get those nachos?
[ Air horn blowing ]
Fire it up, boys!
Okay, kid,
let's do this!
Let go.
Yeah, let go!
Let go.
I'll form the codpiece!
Aah!
Oh!
Right in the brains.
Aah!
Pick up your marbles
and get moving, Ace!
Whoa!
Ow!
Banzai!
Yes!
Uh-oh!
I don't know what made you
so stupid, kid,
but it really works.
One more try.
Ha ha!
That's more like it!
Let's smash this creep!
[ Screeching ]
Whoa!
Will you cool it
with the speed wobbles?
I can't control it!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa!
[ Screeching ]
Oh!
Krayzar: The fallen warrior
must let go.
Talk to me, Ace!
I'm gonna die between
the legs of a moron.
Oh!
Start acting like
snots, you turds!
Thank you, Gaz!
Very helpful!
No, she's right.
Neither in control,
yet both in control.
Two become one.
Two become one!
Are you with me, buddy?!
Yes, I'm with you!
Let's not die!
One becomes three!
Both: Three-card Monte!
[ Snarling ]
Ballmastrz!
Both: Bolo ball drop.
Ballmastrz!
Baby ball in the corner pocket.
Both:
Flutter fists of fury!
Time to send this fiend
back the the depths of hell!
All right, kid, don't get cocky.
Both: Make it rain pain!
[ Screeching, explosion ]
Ballmastrz!
[ Laughs ]
Missed?!
All of them?!
I told you not to get cocky,
Captain Mo-Mo.
[ Screeching ]
The proof is in the pounding.
Ballmaster rules!
And the whole consortium saw it.
Hey, what's the big idea?
What, that wasn't enough
pizzazz for 'em?
You nitwits just unleashed
a public menace!
The streets aren't safe!
Oh, I guess we don't know
our own strength yet.
Do our lousy team a favor
and get the hell out of there
while you're still in one piece.
Run!
Roger that, Gaz!
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy boy,
you look like you could use
a drink!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmastrz!
Ballmast--
Chirp.
♪♪