Ballers (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Most Guys - full transcript

Glad you
finally made it in.

Yeah, it's been a busy couple of weeks.

Mmm, how's the hip been feeling?

Oh, feels great.

Just got to manage the
pain a little bit.

Afraid it's not going to be that simple.

Your articular cartilage
is severely deteriorated.

You have osteoarthritis.

I'm sorry, I blacked out for a second.

I thought you said I had arthritis.

You've been walking around with
your ball and socket rubbed raw.



- You might need a replacement.
- A hip replacement?

Come on.

That shit's for gummers.
Come on, I'm 40.

41 and your hip thinks you're 80.

Okay, my ball and
socket are just fine, okay?

Maybe I banged it up a little bit, but
I've been walking on this thing for years.

And you've also been
popping pills like Altoids

and avoiding physical exams,

which is exactly why
you're in this position.

We can talk about my hip replacement
when I get my AARP card.

But until then, I'm gonna
stick with pain management.

Not gonna happen.

- What are you saying?
- We had an arrangement.

Yeah, we did have an arrangement.



I was gonna come in for my physical
and then you give me my pills.

There's a much bigger problem here.

Yeah, you won't give me my pills.

You can't run from
this anymore, Spencer.

I won't run. I'll hobble.

Okay?

Buddy.

Something on your mind or are you just
trying to wow me with your new threads?

I want to meet Travis Mack.

I'm not so
sure you do anymore.

You said he was a moneymaker.

He'd be a great piece
of business for us.

You know, his attitude
needs a major tune-up.

He almost got me killed in the Glades.

He couldn't have put you through
the wringer more than I did.

Look, I will take a
couple snarling pit bulls

over the unknowns of swamp
water any day of the week.

I could straighten him out.

I think you really should wait
until your registration clears.

We're just gonna talk football.
We'll leave finance out of it.

Spencer, this is a
dangerously gray area.

You know the NFLPA is not at all cool

with financial managers talking to
players before they get drafted

let alone drinking before noon.

I need this badly.

Hey, check this out. I had some of
the guys from the team sign it.

Joe, what's happening
with our registration?

Application went in months ago,

but the background checks take time.

Jay, go long.

- Go long where?
- Go short.

Call them. Light a fire
under their ass, okay?

I got a lot of friends over there.
It shouldn't take this long.

- Then you fucking call them.
- God damn it, man.

I can't do everything around here, okay?

Stop jerking off and get
some fucking answers

so we can sign Travis Mack and I can
get Anderson's foot out of my ass.

Okay, I'll go light a fucking fire.

But if you're gonna speak to
me in that tone of voice,

you can go fuck yourself.

Jay.

- I got to go.
- Already told you to slow down.

- Charles, get out of the street.
- I'm warning you.

I know where you live.
I'll talk to your parents.

My parents bought me this
car, you tub of shit.

You better watch your mouth
before you get knocked out.

Whoa, sorry.

- Okay.
- I'll slow it down.

All right. That's more like it.

Now go ahead. Get out of here.

Later, fat ass.

Dallas could have hit Vern hard for
that NFI. He's a very lucky man.

Wouldn't know it if you
saw how down he is.

Down about what? He'll get paid and
have the chance to play again.

You on Twitter?

No, Reg, I'm a grown-up

with reasonably high self-esteem.

It's a great way to get laid.

And I will look into it right away.

But there's a downside. Vern's
been at home on the couch

reading negative shit
about himself all day.

Well, that's just not healthy.

I'm thinking to get something
to brighten his mood.

Came to check first.

That is a major step

towards fiscal responsibility, Reg.

- I'm learning.
- I am proud of you.

So what's it gonna be, huh? A car?

A boat? Jet? Jet boat?

Vern's been talking a lot about a pet.

Unconditional love. You feel me?

Uh-huh, yeah, I feel you.
How about a cat?

Um, a real man needs a real animal.

I got a fucking cat, dude.

His name is Socks and he's adorable.

Look at... fuck you.

You don't get it. Not gonna
sit here and convince you.

- Who you calling?
- Ricky Jerret.

His animal guy is the shit.

Buffalo wants you badly.

What, more than New Orleans?

33 million over three years.

Half of it guaranteed.

- What you think, Spence?
- That is a lot of fucking money.

Hell, yeah. That's a
healthy chunk of change.

And at this point in your career,

that is the best offer
that we're gonna get.

Rex loves mavericks like you.

The owner's building
a brand-new stadium.

And that quarterback is on the come up.

- Tyrod.
- Mm-hmm.

And with the shape that you're in

combined with their
state-of-the-art training facility,

you could play until
you're 40 if you wanted.

Yeah, man, their running game is strong,
opens up the deep ball for you.

And New York City is just
a quick charter away.

There's a lot of financial
opportunity there.

New York City.

You help the Bills
dethrone the Patriots,

they're gonna remember
you forever, brother.

Give me 24 hours of quiet
time, think on it.

Yo, I got to get off
this dude's jet stream.

Damn animals smell better than he does.

Ricky says he's the best.
Fully committed to this.

I can tell. Look like he
sleep in a damn cage.

Sleeping in the cage is the only way
your mother would spend the night.

Look at that ugly
motherfucker right here.

Hey, yo, yo, what the fuck is that?

That is a fucking alpaca.

Gross.

Birds. You don't want a bird, man.

No.

Monkeys... you don't
want a fucking monkey.

Michael Jackson had a monkey, though.

Monkeys will rip your
face and your dick off.

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yo, that's the one right there, man.

- Yeah.
- Oh, man.

Yo, I'm gonna call it Huey Newton.

Yeah, this one's perfect.

We'll take this one.
What's the damage on that?

Sorry, gents, no longer for sale.

- Luke Kuechly claimed him.
- Fucking Kuechly.

Oh, yeah, business has been booming.

Let's see, Dalton got my bengal.

Marshawn got the tortoise.

Dez got the zebra and
Gurley got my lemurs.

Okay, so what you got left, man?

- Fucking pull it out.
- I'm trying!

It's like a big goat. It
doesn't look that strong.

You're not doing it, man.
Shit, get your ass...

Fuck, man.

- Oh!
- Oh, it's in my mouth!

Oh, shit!

It's in my mouth. Oh. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.

Try that again, you
Rihanna-looking motherfucker.

You don't even know my mom.

Here you go.

Thanks. Take a seat, Mr. Chavez.

Okay.

Mr. Chavez.

This way.

Hello, hello.

Hello.

Dr. Frey, pleased to meet you.

Hey, Doc. Good to meet you.

You come highly recommended.

So, you've been having headaches?

Yes.

- Joint pain?
- Definitely.

Problems with your equilibrium?

Oh, bumping into shit all day.

Okay, this ought to hold
you through the month.

If not, come back and see me.

Thank you.

You know, it's a short-term thing.

30 days can pass just like that, Mr.
Chavez.

Pay out front.

All right.

Give my best to Maximo.

Yeah, I will. Thank you.

I'll take her number.
I'll take her number.

I'm not taking his number, though.
I got him already.

You gonna share?

You gonna share that fruity ass drink?

Oh, come on, Chuck, man.
I brought you here

to break your funk, not to
see you sink deeper into it.

Yeah, Buffalo and New Orleans ain't
calling me with no huge contract.

- You got options, brother.
- And so do you.

Option number one is going
over there and telling Siefert

he's a piece of shit for
cutting you like he did.

That ain't me.

Well, sometimes we got to do
things we don't want to do.

Like you think I wanted
to go on that stage

and put myself on display
like a piece of meat?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I do.

No, I did not. And I did it

to help the Webster feed the homeless.

If you can't get past your
good-natured self and do it,

I'll go over there and do it for you.

What is it, Ricky Martin? Oh, shit.

Hey, Bell.

- Long time no see, Rick.
- Mm.

What's up? You boys are
out on the prowl tonight?

- Married.
- Hell, yeah. You see all these bit...

nope, nope.

Just helping my man get
his mind off some shit.

Yeah, I have a penchant for fashion.

Particularly skinny jeans.

They give me the nut support that
I receive on field off field

and make my butt look tight.

- Good to see you, Bell.
- Good to see you.

Wait, I'm...

Can I get you a drink?

I'm a fuckup, man.

Oh, come on. Don't say that.

No, man, like, everything
I do turns to shit.

Shakedowns, injuries,

demonic, overgrown fucking
poodle on the loose and shit.

I can't do shit right.

Well, you got Vern out
of Crenshaw, right?

Man, his talent did that.

Yeah, but you kept him off the
corner and in the classroom.

How you know about it?

Me and Nate text a lot.

I mean, mostly about
weed, but, you know,

he speaks up for you is what I'm saying.

Maybe Vernon is better
off without me now.

Oh, come on.

Look, it's not easy playing second
banana to a star like Vern.

Believe me. But, hey, without
Pippen, there'd be no Jordan.

Right? Without Flavor Flav,
there'd be no Chuck D.

Without Garfunkel, there'd be no Simon.

Know what I'm saying?

Okay, I did until you mentioned the
Garfunkel shit, then you lost me.

I don't... it sound
like two old white men.

Simon and Garfunkel are two
very old white men, yeah.

I don't know why I thought referencing
them would help illustrate my point,

but what I'm saying is... what
I'm saying is we have value.

You know? And Spencer
and Vern know that.

They know that.

Shit. Look, look, look.

Right there. Now, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go.

I got it. Shit.

Hey, listen, Rihanna.

Look, I'm sorry for throwing
shade your way, okay?

Now, my boy Vernon needs
a new friend, okay?

Now, you're not as funny
or as charming as me,

but they say pets heal emotional
wounds that people can't.

Okay, so, hey, man, let's give my man...

let's give my man Vernon...
give him a smile, eh?

Yeah? Yeah.

There we go.

Buffalo's on the rise.

The culture up there has
completely changed.

Ricky, the culture in Western
New York never changes.

You think you're gonna find
a fashion show in Buffalo

that isn't built around
hunting and fishing gear?

They came in big, though, Bella.

They showed a lot of love.

You already have more money put
away than any player I know.

Any other offers?

- Yeah, New Orleans.
- Oh, that would be cool.

We had a great time at Jazz Fest.

We did.

And you should have plenty more
offers after the year you had.

Oh, you've been following me?

You were on my fantasy team.

We talking football or daydreams?

You helped me win my league.

I'm glad I could do
right by you for once.

Look, it's not my place to say,

but if you have to leave Miami,

you should go someplace
that's really right for you.

Now, I don't know where that is,

but I'm pretty sure it's not Buffalo.

I hope you figure it out.

It was good to see you, Bella.

You, too.

Maybe we should bring
Vern out here, huh?

I don't want Rih-Rih shitting
all over the marble floors.

Yeah, good idea. All the
excitement might make her nervous.

Yeah, making me nervous.

I might shit all over the marble floors.

What's up, boys?

Hey, look, Nate got me a puppy.

I'm gonna name him
Plug like my nickname.

Ain't he cute?

Yeah. Yeah. He's... I love him.

I got... I got to go.

Yeah, I'm gonna give him a ride.

Nate, they high or what?

Now, that's very possible.

Hello?

Spencer fucking
Strasmore, you filthy whore.

Mom, is that you?

It's Clyde Jackson.

- Clyde the Glide?
- The one and only.

- How the fuck are you, man?
- All good, man.

Hey, I can't wait for this afternoon.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm coming to see you, buddy.

To finalize your registration.

- You work for the NFLPA now?
- Yeah.

D. Smith brought me on last year.

Wow, well, that's just fantastic.

Congratulations, man.
I'm very happy for you.

Yeah, thank you. Hey, your guy
Joe is fucking relentless.

Our receptionist wanted to
throw himself off the roof.

Yeah, that
Joe, he's a madman.

Hey, I look forward to seeing you later.

I can't say it'll be as
fun as Pro Bowl weekend,

but should be smooth sailing.

Yes, sir. I'll see you then.

All right.

Whoo!

Ricky, we got 33 million
on the table, all right?

I can't leave Buffalo in the lurch
much longer. I need an answer.

Won't be my last offer, right?

No, but it could be your highest.
Up! Good.

- Concentrate.
- Here's Swamp Thing.

- Let me go get him.
- I'm Travis.

Come on, last rep. Last rep. Last rep.

Good.

$33 million.

It's right there waiting for you, Rick.

I know this sounds crazy,

but I'm not really seeing
myself in Buffalo, man.

It's not feeling like the right fit.

Okay. So let's turn 'em down.

And watch Jason flip out for
turning down all that cash?

Hey, there's 30 other teams
out there in the league, man.

Okay? And once they find out that Ricky
Jerret ain't all about the money,

then people will start to understand
what's really important to you.

Hell, you might even
figure that shit out, too.

- Spencer Strasmore.
- Yo.

Meet Travis Mack. Good luck. Godspeed.

- Ricky, can we talk?
- Hey.

Jason tells me you
used to play football.

Something like that, yeah.

Charles, I'm glad you came by.

I got something to say. When
you cut me, I held my tongue.

That's 'cause how I came up. Now, I thought
I believed in what you were doing.

- I tried to respect it, but I don't.
- I'm all ears.

Pardon my language, but you created
a fucking disaster on the O-line.

I've heard worse.

Philly Martz is a damn good
player, but he weighs in at 330.

Danny can maul, but he's not
agile enough to move laterally.

Kovac may be cheap, but all
he can do is stick and drive.

And Franklin, shit, I don't know what
the hell you ever saw in Franklin.

Are you just coming at me with
problems or you got a solution?

You should go smaller. Transition
from a power scheme to a zone.

That's why you guys were at the bottom
of the league in rushing last season.

Coach Berg caught up
in the romance of '72.

Maybe you'd like to
come back to the team.

I just said go smaller, didn't I?

I don't want you on the field, Charles.

I want you to work for me
here in the front office.

Lend your expertise. Obviously
you're not short on opinions,

and when you let them
fly, they do make sense.

And I could use the help. How about it?

Jason seems to think I could help you.

Shit, I had 20 other agents
begging for a chance to rep me.

Ah, right, and not one of them will
give a fuck about you long-term

'cause you're a one-contract
catch in their eyes.

- You ever heard of Brian Bosworth?
- Yeah, the Boz is badass.

You want to be a badass or would you
rather have a long-term career in the NFL?

Most guys don't even get
that chance, Travis.

Right now, let me tell you something,

you are looking like most guys.

Can most guys do this?

Most guys couldn't do that.

Just like most teams wouldn't
give a fuck if you beatbox,

make your titties move,
jerk off in your own time.

You got holes in your game, bro.

Shit, my game is better
than yours ever was.

Ha, you think those sexy college stats
mean anything? They don't mean dick, dude.

And that story about you
skipping the combine

because you wanted to buck the system?

I see right through that bullshit.

You skipped the combine because you didn't
want them to see what I already see.

Most guys.

Well, what I see

is I see a fossil clinging
to his former glory

by hitching his wagon to my star.

Okay.

26, 27, 28,

29, 30.

- You ain't gonna keep going?
- You're up.

Hey, if you want to make
yourself easy to beat,

that's your call, man.

Wow, strong already.

I might have misjudged you.

Okay.

Perfect form.

12, 13, 14, 15.

Running out of steam already.

- Blow me.
- 17, 18, 19.

You got to be shitting me.

Oh, good God.

There you go, honey.

You know why the NFL
doesn't want you, Travis?

Because deep down inside you're afraid

that everybody will see you're a fake.

You should quit and go hide
in the fucking swamps.

- Shut up.
- You'll be much happier there.

There we go. Good job, sweetheart.

Fuck you, man. I'm out of here.

26 reps.

- Wow. Wow.
- Shut up!

He has a big head.

I never used to give a shit
what people thought about me.

Not sure what all changed.

I don't know. Maybe they're right.
Maybe I ain't all that.

Well, it's natural to feel that way.

Everyone's eyes are on you.

You're in the spotlight 24/7.

But your questionable bench strength,

your shit fucking attitude

doesn't say a thing about the
man who goes out every Saturday

and plays ball like his
life depends on it.

The only thing that's missing
from you is humility

and I just gave you your
first dose of it.

All right, so you don't
fit the critic's mold.

So what?

The trick is convincing
them that the measurements,

the equations, the judgments, none
of that means a fucking thing.

You up for that?

Where do we start?

Hey, where the fuck you been?

Fucking working out with Travis.

Shh, there's a guy from the NFLPA here.

- Yes, Clyde. He called.
- It ain't Clyde.

It's some fucking beady-eyed guy.

He said they want to keep it objective.

What the fuck does that mean?

Maybe they found your sex tape.

I don't have a sex tape.

Wait, really? You don't have a sex...

even I have a sex tape, man.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
it's a really awful sex tape.

If somebody found it, they definitely
wouldn't want to watch it.

And if they watched it, they certainly
wouldn't want to talk about it.

- Joe. Joe.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know. Maybe somebody
tipped him off about Travis.

- We were just working out.
- Then what the fuck would they want?

Well, guess we're about to find out.
Let's go.

No, you're about to find out.

He said they're not interested in me.

I can't say that hurts
my feelings, either.

How's D. Smith, by the way?
I heard he hired Clyde.

Good. Busy. He said to say hello.

I bet. They're good men. We go way back.

Yeah, they mentioned that.

I'm gonna get you some water.

- No, thanks.
- What do you want?

No, thanks.

Okay. All right.

Let me know.

Since I know you'd like to continue

handling our union members' money,

we felt it necessary to
take a look at yours.

- Okay.
- So how much would you say

you've netted over the
course of your career?

Uh, it's not that simple.

Well, you know, ballpark it.
Just, you know, humor me.

We'll get into the highway robbery
of Uncle Sam and agents later.

Yeah, my agent earned every dime, buddy.

I don't know about that Uncle Sam.

Uh, okay, let's give this a crack.

My first contract was in '96.

Five over five, one million guaranteed.

Four-year extension in '99.

$12 million, three of it guaranteed.

Next contract after that
was post Super Bowl.

$20 million with six of it guaranteed.

It was cut in half, though,
when I got traded.

And then the downtick started to happen.

After that, it was 10 for three.

- $10 million?
- Mm-hmm.

You call that a downtick?

In context,
yes, it's a downtick.

Uh, the final two years of my career

I spent in New Orleans. Great city.

Made the vet league
minimum of 925K per year.

You netted almost $30 million
over the course of your career.

I had a hell of a career.

So my question is...

- Where did it all go?
- Can you blame me?

No.

I had to take care of a
lot of people back then.

Did I have some luxuries?
Yes, absolutely.

But there was never any gross
misappropriation of funds ever.

And like a lot of players back then,

I thought it would last forever,

but I realize now that it doesn't

and I'm a much better man for it.

I have a private placement
memorandum here.

It's a real estate deal in
conjunction with a Mr. Andre Alan.

Yeah. Yeah.

Took a loss just like
everybody else in 2008.

Nothing egregious.

Well, from where I'm sitting, it
looks as egregious as it gets.

Anyone else involved?

No. No, not that I know of.

- Just me.
- Okay.

Look, you were in the union,

so I want to give you the
benefit of the doubt,

but too many of our guys
are ending up broke.

So we're gonna need to
look deeper into this.

- Okay?
- Sure. Sure.

Thank you for your time.

Yeah. Hey, thank you.