Ballers (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - World of Hurt - full transcript

I can't believe you're actually going to see Travis Mach.
I can't believe that you don't believe it.
The guy is a moneymaker.
What kind of meathead skips the combine
and expects to go in the first round?
That move got a lot of people talking, buddy.
Yeah, and GMs looking the other way.
It's not like you to dismiss
such a good piece of business so easily.
I'm a Miami Hurricane to the core, okay?
We don't fraternize with those Seminole douchebags.
Plus I'd rather get my registration approved first.
- Protects my downside. - Yeah, but it limits your upside.
- You hear anything from Dallas? - Not a peep, buddy.
I thought you had friends on the inside.
Glazer can't find a fucking thing.
By the way, Vernon's losing his mind.
Do you really think the team's gonna release
their star defensive tackle over an NFI?
They let DeMarco walk after he led the league in rushing.
- Anything's possible. - Well, stay on it.
I doubt I'm gonna have any service out here in the swamp or wherever the fuck I am.
There's a reason why they call it the sweaty ball sack of the South.
Nice.
Hey.
- You're a sight for sore eyes. - Thank you.
How's your hip? You get it checked out yet?
No, I would say a couple of days closer to a triumphant return to form.
- I'm serious, Spence. - I'm serious, too.
I'll get a cortisone shot this week.
I got to go to the med center to get some PT done.
I'm gonna be good. Hip's good.
Listen, I don't want to freak you out,
but I got a call about a job.
Hey, that's great. Congratulations.
What do you mean, freak me out? I'm very happy for you.
Well, right now it's just an audition.
Mm-hmm. Where's it at?
- In Bristol. - Connecticut?
Mm-hmm.
ESPN? Holy shit.
It's a long way from Miami, though.
Uh, yeah, but ESPN is the holy grail of sports reporting.
They're probably looking at a number of people.
They don't do open calls, Trace.
You clearly got their attention.
Thank you. I guess so.
Looks like I lost yours.
Doesn't she work for Suh?
Yep, she works for Suh.
So 30 million over three years,
an in-person with Coach Payton
and a Mardi Gras parade on the tarmac?
God damn, that sounds like a good trip.
It's impressive.
You got to love that chocolate city.
I want to see what else is out there, though.
Jerusalem getting a franchise, nigga?
Like the Jews out of Egypt,
the road to the promised land is long and hard.
Plus I can just as easily field offers at the Wailing Wall.
Send a few prayers in. Beats sitting around here.
Ain't we Baptists, though?
We all God's children, T.
And I got a thing for yentas.
I like my women smart and fiery.
Yeah, me, too. I had a brief Bette Midler phase.
Hey, I'm gonna see y'all pinheads tomorrow.
Where you going?
Won five grand on the hardwood this week.
- I got to go pick it up. - Let me keep you company.
Oh, so you want to see how the King of Naples prowls on his home turf?
We know how you prowl, old man.
Diddly shit is what you know, boy.
Put your fucking shoes on. Let's go.
- Let's go. - Come on, man. Who gonna eat this shit?
Ah, we have a little company.
Hey, it's great to see some of my favorite people breaking bread.
Yeah, what a pleasant surprise.
You know Jim Peterson, right? Property tycoon.
No, haven't had the pleasure. Spencer, good to meet you.
And of course you know the legendary
Miami nightlife impresario Mr. Derrick Rubin.
Legendary. Yeah, we met a few times.
I still remember the night
that we tore it up at the Delano in '08.
Ah, yeah, it was right after we won the AFC East.
And if I'm not mistaken, I got carried out of that party.
If I'm not mistaken, you were carried in as well.
It was a good night.
And of course you know the lovely Victoria.
- I do. Hello, Victoria. - Hello, Spencer.
- It's good to see you. How is Suh? - He's great.
We tried getting a hold of you last night. You didn't pick up.
I know, I was dealing with a crisis.
Oh, that's terrible. Everything okay?
Everything's good.
So how does one go about getting an invitation
to a power lunch of this magnitude?
Try picking up the phone.
Oh!
We're looking at some land development.
- You know Suh loves engineering. - I do know that, yeah.
Can't play football forever. The transition is about time
and preparation and surrounding yourself with the right people.
You know what I'm saying, right?
I understand.
It's a pleasure to meet you. Good to see you.
Victoria, enjoy.
Fuck.
Whoo!
City boy made it out here to the Everglades, baby.
Oh, my goodness. Would you look at this car.
- Not bad, huh? - Welcome, Justin. Good to meet you, man.
It's Jason. You're looking real good, Tracy.
- Country strong. - He's got jokes. Pretty boy's got jokes.
- These are my uncles. - Fellas.
I'm Billy, this here's my baby brother Bob
and that there is Wade.
All right, good. Billy, Bob, and Wade.
Tell you what, man, this is the best gift from an agent yet.
- Oh. - You doing right by me, Justin.
No, no, not for you. Careful with that.
All right, well, what'd you bring me, then?
I brought you me. The rest of this shit
you'll be able to buy on your own, trust me.
We heard that before.
Yeah, uncs promised Mama they'd look out for my interest.
That's good.
Even if we have to put you down in the mud
and make you oink like a pig.
Oh, yeah, get you some of that sweet bacon.
Wade likes that.
Yeah, I saw "Deliverance." That's good.
Is there someplace we can go meet
without your dirty uncles breathing moonshine down my neck?
Just saying, you remember what a slant is, right?
- You gonna analyze me now? - You're damn right.
Even as a second-string rookie in '85,
holding that Lombardi Trophy, man, was the best feeling that I ever had.
Best ever?
Hey, man, it was like God's light shone down on me, man.
Ain't nothing in your entire life could compare?
Like maybe the birth of your son?
Yeah, a close second. Photo finish.
Don't take it personal, Rick.
Your father suffers from an affliction
called having your head up your own ass.
- Oh! - It's very rare.
Oh, it's also hereditary.
Oh, I had to have mine surgically removed.
Don't listen to him.
Ricky got all his finer qualities from me.
Crazy.
Oh, looks like my greenbacks are on the scene.
Now, you say nice things about me,
there's a nice, big old tip in it for you.
You don't tip in the first place, you cheap motherfucker.
Think you good, man.
A lot of speculation on the cause of Vernon Littlefield's injury.
A mediocre year coming off the heels of a huge contract
and now a suspicious torn Achilles.
The fans and the media are wondering
if it was money well spent and they're about to find out.
We should burn some palo santo.
South American holy wood.
It cleanses misfortune, man.
Well, we better burn the whole fucking forest.
...it seems to be a mystery
on exactly when and where the injury occurred.
Still no word, Reg.
I always said never trust the man, Spencer.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Dallas just announced a press conference about Vernon's injuries.
- When's it going down? - This afternoon.
See, this is what you get when you give the man the truth.
- You should have just fucking lied. - Team hasn't called you yet?
They want to punish us. They want to humiliate Vern.
Let him find out when the rest of the world does.
- All right, I'll keep trying Dallas. - And hurry the fuck up.
Your client is over here having a meltdown.
Good-bye, Reg.
Anderson couldn't just drive here?
He had to take the SS Fucking Asshole?
This fucking boat gives me the creeps.
What do you think he wants to see us about?
I got a hunch. I bumped into Victoria at the Raleigh.
Oh, no shit. Did she thank us again for Suh Casa?
No, she was too busy having lunch with Andre.
Get the fuck out.
We got played. He made us chase Spice while he hijacked Suh.
Do you really think he'll bail on us?
I know how Andre operates.
Suh's as good as gone.
What the fuck are we gonna tell the old man?
You guys like Bellinis?
Love Bellinis.
The secret's in keeping the seeds out.
Looks delicious.
So, how's things?
Things are great. Never better.
- Yeah, got a cat. - Really?
- Mm-hmm. - What kind?
- Oh, my God... - Can I be honest?
I really don't give a shit.
I hear Vernon Littlefield might get released by the Dallas Cowboys.
Ricky Jerret just got passed over by the Dolphins.
Having Ndamukong Suh on the roster just doesn't cut it anymore.
- Can I ask you something, Spencer? - Yep.
What are you doing with the division?
Can you give me something,
anything that makes me believe you have a plan?
- Travis Mach. - The nutjob from FSU?
I wish there were room on this deck for cartwheels.
- He's a surefire first-round draft pick. - Really?
Pundits say he's lucky if he even makes it into the first round.
But in our hands he's gonna be top 10, easy.
He's gonna sign a huge contract.
He's gonna attract more young clients.
And he's gonna lead us right into the future.
NFLPA forbids you to touch him.
- No risk, no reward. - Ah, reward.
That brings me to the theme of the day.
You guys are certainly great at rewarding yourselves.
Let's see, 1,200 at Capital Grille.
600 for a beach bar in Key Largo.
And wrapping it up, two grand at Tootsie's,
the Disney World of tits.
We were trying to save Spice Adams.
Four grand on a weeknight to save a retired nobody.
- Every client matters. - Here's an idea.
A little wacky, a little crazy,
a little unorthodox.
Bring me new clients who actually make money.
And then invest that money.
Why did he need to be saved?
We kind of poached T-Sizzle
and we caught some fire for it.
Who exactly did you kind of poach him from?
- Miami Wealth Management. - Andre?
Andre.
You're kidding, right? This is a joke?
You're taking this on the road? You are minnows.
Okay? Minnows do not go after sharks for a reason.
They will eat you alive, swallow you whole,
spit you out for bait. Whose idea was this?
Sizz was gonna leave him whether he signed with us or not.
No sense in letting somebody else get...
It was my idea.
And I take full responsibility.
I appreciate that, Spencer. I really do.
Do me a favor... next time you have a bright idea,
kind of don't do it.
Now get off my boat.
No, finish your Bellinis.
Now get off my boat.
Ah, thank you.
Come on, Hal, you got to give us some clue.
I'm telling you, I still don't know anything.
Is this some kind of mindfuck?
A mindfuck is your client
not answering the door when I fly all the way to Miami to check on him.
Hal, he was scared. The kid was scared.
We're all scared.
You can't just hunker down and hide from the world,
disrespect your employers.
No, I get it. Listen, just give me two minutes on the phone with the boss.
That way, I can vouch for Vernon.
I can hardly get a minute myself.
Okay, well, when you do, tell him I said
that the kid made a mistake and he copped to it.
That's got to count for something.
I know he's got a soft spot for you, but right now
I'm not sure it counts for shit.
Hal, tell him anyway. Please?
The loss of Littlefield only magnifies the lack of size
for Dallas on the defensive side of the ball.
A run defense that was exposed last season
will look to the waiver wire for additional support.
Cowboys brass is expected to address the media.
We will continue to update you as information becomes available.
I wonder who that could be.
Nate, turn the TV back on.
Turn it back on, Nate.
- Chill. Chill. - Nate.
- Hold on a second. - Damn, man.
I don't know, man.
Turn the TV back on.
- Whoo! - Hey!
Ooh!
Now is not the time, y'all, for real.
Nate, turn the TV back on before I got to do it myself.
Get up. Get it. Get it right there.
Aw.
Uh, seriously, it ain't what it looks...
So it ain't five topless women dancing in your living room
while Vernon's career is on the line?
I was just trying to make him feel better, man.
Uh-huh. I got you, Nate. Let's show the ladies out.
Let's pay them. You're all very beautiful.
Thank you for coming.
Ladies, this way, please. Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, just so you know, I had nothing to do with this.
Not now, Reg.
I mean, who can think of pussy
at a time like this?
Oh, hell, yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Wow. Wow.
It's amazing.
So, Travis, you skipped the combine.
You gonna tell me that makes me an asshole?
No one's done it before.
Why should I parade myself around like a piece of ass?
I'm a Butkus Award winner, not a fucking beauty queen.
You're jumping out of FSU early.
I just don't want to see you rule out teams
or get an unreachable draft number in your head.
I mean, those are the kind of expectations that can kill a guy.
Well, my number is five.
Your draft number or your IQ?
Funny.
You know, I had 15 other agents out here to see me.
I like you, man. You shoot straight, you drive a cool car,
and you got awesome hair, but I can't lie to you, Justin.
I felt more love from the F-350 dude.
At least he brought me a proper gift.
Now, that's the kind of stuff that makes you sound like an asshole.
Shit.
- What's wrong? - Swamp got a hold of us.
- What? - You know how to drive this thing?
Uh, no.
Well, looks like you're pushing, pretty boy.
No, I'm not going in there.
Man, them alligators are more scared of you than you are of them.
No, see, I'm not a water guy. I don't...
Fine, I'll do it myself, man.
Just wait. I got this. I'll do it.
Off the edge over there. We need to get a push-off.
Huh?
Just don't make any, like, real sudden movements or anything, you know?
- Come on. - I got it.
Give us a push. More!
Whoo!
See you, Justin!
Motherfucker!
Fucking punk!
- Whoo! - Travis!
Travis, you can't leave me here.
Come in.
Charles, you getting any sleep?
- Newborns can be difficult. - I feel great.
I don't know if it's old man strength or what,
but my recovery time this year was quicker than any of the past seasons.
Fatherhood will make you look at life differently.
It's true. I think about the future more.
- That's why I wanted to see you. - I'm all ears.
I heard y'all are considering moving me to the right side.
Where'd you hear that?
I prefer not to say.
But I just want to let you know it's not a problem.
I just got to kind of wrap my head around the switch, you know?
Hell, I even tried to jack off the other night with my right hand.
Didn't really work out so good.
I guess what I'm saying is I got to get used to more run blocking,
which is not a problem
if what I heard is true.
Actually, we just signed Phil Martz at right tackle.
I know Philly. He's a real good player.
He is.
We're gonna let you go, Charles.
Oh.
Okay.
You should be proud of your contribution here.
Thank you, Mr. Siefert, for the opportunity.
Thank you, Charles.
Take care of yourself
and that beautiful family of yours.
Thank you.
Let me ask you this. Why'd you take off on me?
Man, your mama didn't want me around, boy.
Come on, D, but I did.
She didn't give me no choice.
No, don't put that on her.
You chose not to change, be there for us.
Man, look, I was young, man. She raised you right.
But, I mean, I needed a father. I needed you.
Man, what are you... why are you ruining a good time tonight
talking about all this drama?
Karla, fix my son a man's drink.
And a round for everybody in the house.
Go take a nap, Dennis.
Who you talking to, "Duck Dynasty" motherfucker?
Nobody wants to hear your bullshit. You're embarrassing your son.
What you know about me and my son?
All right, come on, Pop. That's enough.
- Knock it off, Dennis! - Hey, whoa, whoa.
- Motherfucker! - D, man, what are you doing? Stop.
- Pop, stop. Stop. - Say it again.
Get the fuck off me!
Oh, you gonna step to the king now.
You think you got what it takes, huh?
Here are the keys to the house and the car.
Don't wait up for me.
Come on, man.
I think you got to say a prayer with that, man.
It comes with a prayer built in.
- Yo, check it. - Oh, what the fuck, Reg?
Hey, calm down. It's just a paintball gun.
- Well, fuck. Give us some heads up. - Yeah.
Hey, listen, it's my fault you in this spot,
so pop me and we'll be even.
Okay, you can shoot me anywhere, man.
Just not my face 'cause I get bitches
and not the baby-maker.
I don't want to get even, Reg.
- I just want to keep my job, man. - Exactly.
Everybody calm down, by the way, it's coming up next.
Let go of your balls and grow the fuck up.
Let's go live to the Cowboys'
press conference at Valley Ranch.
Hello?
You down here or what?
Is that you?
No, it's Bob fucking Woodward.
Who's that?
He's a... oh, forget it.
Will you just come out so I can see you?
You first.
I am standing in the middle of the garage, asshole.
Hey, Joe.
Max.
Love your new office.
Hey, for sensitive matters like this,
I like to operate under the radar.
So you did get something for me, huh?
Full disclosure on your boy Andre Alan.
Best I could do in a day.
There's some good little bits in there.
This is more than I expected.
My skills are tailor-made for investigative work.
Turns out there is life after disbarment.
Wow!
This is a new low for you, Max.
How the hell did you pull this off?
Same way I got everything else done... with my charm.
But, no, really, how did you pull it off?
With my charm.
- All right, tell me later, then. - All right.
Hey, give me the number to this garage.
I want to call you sometime.
1-800 go fuck yourself.
It's toll-free. That's good.
There's been a heap of speculation
about Vernon Littlefield's Achilles.
I want to state our position clearly.
Vernon Littlefield injured himself while training.
Come on!
This shit's for real.
- There's more. There's more. - That's what I'm talking about.
Mr. Jones, myself, and the rest of the organization
- has the utmost faith in Vernon. - Yes!
He's getting the finest medical attention and therapy available.
And we expect to see him back on the field at some point next season.
- Yeah! Yes! - Come on with it!
- Come on! Come on! Come on! - See, this is a great day.
We can finally come all together,
take a collective deep breath.
- Come on. Ah! - All right.
- I'll call you later, superstar. - All right, Spence.
- Big Nate. - All right.
Give it here. Ah!
Oh, man.
- Now you're even. - Come on, man.
- Ah, fuck. - How you feeling, Reggie?
You tell Spencer we always take care of our guys.
Baby, I'm home.
Hey, baby. How was your workout?
Um, yeah, it was good.
Yeah. Then I met up with Siefert.
- And they cut me. - They what?
Yeah, they cut me.
Signed a new right tackle, put me on waivers.
Baby, they can't do that.
They do it all the time.
Those soulless motherfuckers.
No, no. No, no, no. It's all good.
I'm just grateful we got the extra season.
But you can still play. If you want to find another team,
we'll work out the logistics. We'll move wherever we got to go.
You got a career to protect, Dr. Greane.
It's all good. Really, it is.
I know what's important to me.
- It's right here. - Baby, I love you.
I hear your baby waking up.
So I'm gonna go get her and then I'll make you some dinner.
All right? Okay.
Okay, well, I was hoping for something
a little less pornographic.
You want to smack him in the mouth for real,
this is how it's done.
- Hey, Joe, do me a favor. - Yeah.
Let me talk to him alone.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Yeah, I get it.
You don't want me to intimidate him too much.
- No. - Smart.
Thank you, buddy.
Hey, man, you want a beer?
I don't drink beers with assholes.
Oh, come on. Don't be like that.
I got left in a swamp,
chased by a Burmese python or whatever,
chewed on by so many mosquitos,
I can feel the Zika virus coursing through my blood.
So forgive me when I say have a nice life, Tracy.
God damn it, I love this dude, man!
Jeez.
- Hey, where you going? - Back to civilization, dickhead.
Hold up, hold up. Wait.
Look, all right, I know I gave you a tough time.
I just wanted to see if you had some cajones, and you do.
I mean, some agent from LA had to be medevaced out of here last month.
I've been doing this too long to take shit from some weak punk like you.
All right, look, man, I'm... I'm sorry.
All right? I said I'm sorry. You heard me.
Okay? And I really... I need your help.
Even more than you know, Travis.
So does that mean I got an agent or what?
So, Andre, why do you care about us?
Huh? There's at least a half a dozen firms
who contend for athletes in the city.
Oh, because it's my city and I grew up here,
and you guys are just passing through. You're like tourists.
So why the fuck do you care if we share the scraps?
Better be careful that the Sizz and Suh
don't hear that you're calling them scraps.
Come on, you know what I mean.
Hey, listen, I took Sizz, so I won't fight you over Suh.
He's the higher-earning client.
- He's all yours. - Okay.
So why don't we just call that a day before things get ugly?
Mmm, interesting.
What do we have in here? A picture of me fucking my nanny?
A picture of me fucking
three of my nannies at once?
Listen, if I'm making money for my clients and my company,
nobody gives a fuck if I'm fucking my nanny.
You need to get Sizzle back where he belongs
and then we can get back to business as usual.
Okay?
Now, if you think it was easy for you to dig some shit up on me,
how easy do you think it's gonna be for me
to dig up some shit about your partner Joe?
Or imagine what I can do with what I already know about you, my friend.
Huh?
I'm too big to fail, Spence.
And you just entered a world of hurt.
Shame on you.