Bajillion Dollar Propertie$ (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Chelsea Leight-Leigh Lately - full transcript
New Chelsea struggles with her tech detox, which unfortunately conflicts with Dean's social media needs. The Bros land guitarist client Zars St. Lars (SARAH SILVERMAN), but she won't stop ...
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea: Surprise!
I drive now.
You are looking at the new and
improved Chelsea Leight-Leigh.
No more Uber for me.
I have a whole new lease
on life, and, to celebrate,
I bought myself this amazing car
that has vertical doors.
You know, it's my first car,
so I'm learning how to get in
and out of it.
After the Glenn,
Amir and Chelsea
love-triangle disaster...
Amir used me to get to Glenn
to give up the partnership.
Not cool!
I'm done.
I decided my brand needed
a complete overhaul.
Ugh! Uh.
So now I'm
a recovering app-addict
on a total tech-detox.
I mean, hello?
New hair.
I'm really excited
about the person
I'm going to tell people
I am now.
♪♪♪♪
I'm on my way to talk
with the new office manager, DJ.
I sense that
he's a fellow seeker,
and I'm really looking forward
to talking with him.
DJ: Oh...
Chelsea: Hey, hey!
DJ: Chelsea.
Chelsea: How you doing?
DJ: I'm great.
How are you?
Chelsea: Great!
I just...
DJ: You have a great energy
about you today.
Chelsea: Thank you so much.
To that end, I came by
to tell you that
Friday I have to skip out early
because I have to go to this
Peruvian basket-weaving class.
It's part of my recovery.
DJ: That's amazing.
I'm so happy for you!
Chelsea: I know.
I'm so excited.
DJ: Uh, when I was in Peru,
I set up a micro-economy
out there for them and...
Chelsea: Whoa!
DJ: Yeah, and the fact
that you're being part of it
is connecting us already.
Chelsea: That is so cool
that you did that!
DJ: Isn't that fun?
Yeah.
Chelsea: Yeah, you know,
I did the Tour du Mont Blanc.
I did it in, uh, in 8 days.
DJ: Oh, my God.
That's so fun!
Chelsea: It was hard!
DJ: That's so great.
Yeah, I mean, it...
Chelsea: It was grueling.
DJ: If it's your first one,
it...
Chelsea: Have you
done similar...
DJ: Uh, yeah, I've done, uh,
I don't know if it's similar.
Chelsea: No.
DJ: I have walked Asia.
Chelsea: Wow!
DJ: Yeah.
You know, it's not
until you walk all of Asia
that you realize
that every journey starts
with one step.
Chelsea: That is so good.
Wow, DJ has lived a life.
Oh, I had
a life-changing experience
that I'm sure he will
find really inspiring.
I mean, when I was on ayahuasca,
for instance,
that was like...
DJ: Oh.
Chelsea: ...that really
opened up my,
you know, frontal cortex.
DJ: Yeah.
Chelsea: And I feel like
I haven't been the same since.
DJ: And the first time
you see a cheetah,
and the first time
that he opens his mouth...
Chelsea: What?
DJ: ...and speaks to you
as a bear.
Chelsea: I just saw a lemur.
DJ: Oh, you saw a lemur?
That can be good sometimes.
That's great.
Chelsea: My shaman said it's
because I have a wily nature.
DJ: Wait, who's your shaman?
Chelsea: Jose Vasquez.
DJ: Tell him, if you see him
again, tell him I said, "Hello."
Chelsea: You know him?
DJ: Uh, I was his shaman.
Chelsea: What?!
DJ: Yeah.
I was.
I was for a -- a few journeys.
Chelsea: Confession time.
This is something
my sponsor warned me about.
I'm feeling competitive.
DJ: No.
Chelsea: And it's coming
from an insecure place.
DJ: You want me to say
something then,
have confession time for me?
Chelsea: Yes!
Yes, what do you --
what did you do?
DJ: I have the same tech issues.
I can't get off of my phone.
Chelsea: You're kidding.
DJ: Yeah.
I mean, I can't because
every time I look at my phone,
$5 goes to clean water.
Chelsea: That's not a thing.
DJ: It is a thing.
Chelsea: How?
DJ: Elon Musk is my Godfather,
and he started this idea
based off of a dream I had.
You know what?
I said too much.
Chelsea: Oh, did you?
DJ: Get back in there.
♪♪♪♪
Andrew: Today we're meeting
our seller, Zars St. Lars,
at her house
in the Pacific Palisades.
Baxter: She's a session musician
who has worked with everyone
from Carlos Santana
to Rob Thomas.
Hey!
Andrew: Zars!
Zars: Hey, guys!
Baxter: How's it going?
Andrew: Nice to meet you.
Zars: You made it!
Baxter: Looking good.
Andrew: Put a face
to the name, right?
Baxter: Yeah.
Zars: Is it blowing
your mind?
Baxter: You were
the guitarist on "Smooth."
Multiple times,
you mentioned "Smooth."
Zars: Even though
Zars St. Lars is the fourth
lead guitar player on "Smooth,"
Zars...is just
a person, a woman.
Andrew: Is it called
fourth lead?
Fourth lead?
Zars: The fourth lead guitar.
Baxter: That song,
"Smooth," came out in 1999.
Andrew: That song is stupid.
Zars: You think that,
for selling this place,
it's going to go, uh, easy?
Going to go, uh,
going to go, uh...
What's another word for that?
Andrew: Give it to her.
Baxter: It should go smoothly?
Andrew: Go smooth.
Zars: Yeah.
These banisters
are not rough.
They are the opposite
of rough,
which the fourth lead guitarist,
the woman behind the man,
behind the man behind "Smooth,"
is responsible for "Smooth,"
built that banister.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: Yeah?
Zars: You know what my
favorite part of the song is?
I'm going to show you.
[ Plays one note ]
Baxter: Is that...
Zars: That's the note I played.
Andrew: You played one --
one note?
[ Plays two notes ]
Oh.
That changed it up a little bit.
If Zars keeps talking
about "Smooth,"
she's going to scare
away buyers.
Baxter: Please, please,
please put down the guitar.
Zars: Ah,
the chord stopped.
You know what didn't stop
is the wild success of
the song "Smooth."
Baxter: Yeah.
Zars: When we would
do jam sessions,
Carlos always used
the upstairs bathroom
to, uh, drop a bass note.
He was talking about
taking a shit.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: Mm-hmm. We got that.
Baxter: Hey, um, Zars,
uh, so I think we...
Zars: Call me Zee...
Baxter: Zee.
Zars: Or Zars. Zars St...
Yeah, just do the whole thing.
Baxter: Okay, Zars...
Zars: Zars St. Lars.
Baxter: Listen, Zars St. Lars.
Um, we've got some
clients on the way,
and I don't think
we need to sell you
as much as we need
to sell the house.
So if you can kind of just,
you know, chill a little bit
on the "Smooth" stuff.
Do we have your word on that?
Zars: Yeah, heck yeah.
You've got my word.
You got my heart.
And make it real,
and let's forget about it.
Andrew: Okay, that was...
Zars: That was out of my system,
just had to get it
out of my system.
Andrew: Okay.
♪♪♪♪
Amir: After a rough
couple months,
my luck is finally
turning around.
I sold a small
We-Ho bungalow last week,
and I'm about to close escrow
on a $15 million home
in the Malibu Hills.
I have one last inspection
with Jenny Tanner
from the building department
before this sale clears,
and then I can finally
move out of my car.
Jenny: Is this a large crawl
space or a sad patio?
Amir: I think
it's an open basement.
Jenny: An open basement?
That's about $10,000,
$15,000 right there in fines.
Amir: What?
Jenny: I don't want
to write that down, though.
Amir: Well, then don't.
Jenny: Hmm.
Golly, I wonder
what could make all of this
go so much smoother
for both of us.
Amir: Me too.
Jenny: In this
sort of situation,
you know, I scratch your back.
You scratch mine.
Amir: Oh.
Oh.
Jenny Tanner is hitting on me.
Jenny: You know,
I grease your palm.
You grease mine, buddy.
Amir: Oh, you want
to give me a hand job?
Jenny: No, I don't want
to give you a hand job.
Think!
Amir: You said grease palm.
Jenny: Yes.
Amir: I'm the idiot for
thinking that's a hand job?
Jenny: You have
the greased palm.
Amir: Is it possible
that I've misread the situation?
No.
Jenny: How much can you fit
in pockets like those?
Amir: I've got my wallet.
Jenny: Oh, what?
I didn't ask you
to bring your wallet out.
But now that it's here,
I'd love to see more.
Amir: Oh, check it out.
Actually, this is Prada.
It's lambs leather.
Jenny: Inside too as well?
It's lambs leather? Ooh!
Amir: Check that out.
Jenny: What goes in the --
the little slots?
Amir: You don't know what goes
in the slots of a wallet?
Jenny: Could you show me?
Amir: Uh...
Jenny: I'm a visual learner.
Amir: Hello, money.
Jenny: How much
could you fit in there?
How many bills?
Amir: Here, hold that.
Look at -- look at all
the space it's got.
You can, like, literally, just,
you can pile it full of cash.
Jenny: Oh.
Amir: Like, look,
I'm folding a double.
Jenny: Oh,
I'm getting sad again.
I'm just remembering
all these violations
and codes and fines.
Amir: Then don't write them
if you don't want to.
Jenny: Oh, what --
what do you think we could do
to make this situation
go a little bit more smoothly?
Amir: What is happening
right now?
Jenny: You were
so close earlier.
Remember, something
came out of your pants.
You took another thing
out of that thing.
We were right there.
Amir: I get it.
Jenny: Okay.
Amir: I'm no fool.
Jenny: All right!
Amir: You want an iPhone case?
Jenny: Okay, I want you
to pay me a bribe.
And then I won't
write anything down,
and you can sell this house.
Amir: Oh, okay.
Why didn't you just say that?
Jenny: I'm trying so hard.
Amir: I thought you wanted me to
jerk off for you or something.
Jenny: I do a little, but no.
More, I want the money.
Amir: Okay, well,
how much do you want?
Jenny: I want $300.
Amir: $300?
Jenny: Yeah.
Amir: That's it?
Jenny: Yeah.
Amir: I'll give you $400...
Jenny: Oh, my God.
Amir: ...just because you want
to see me jerk off.
Going to close the sale
and jerk off for Jenny.
Amir is back, baby!
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea:
I'm headed to my second
Rosedragon meeting of the day
to convince Dean to let me
write his foreword.
Hope this one goes better.
Dean: Chelsea.
I understand you have taken
some sort of vow
of Internet sobriety
as it were?
Chelsea: Mm-hmm.
Dean:
And I think that is noble.
Chelsea: Thanks.
Dean:
But it does not serve me,
and so what I'd like,
in advance of my book
coming out,
and in accordance
with my publisher,
Gwentolin's, instructions,
is for you to handle
the social media
for my book onslaught.
Chelsea: No, no, no,
no, no, Dean.
Dean, no, please don't
ask this of me.
Dean: You are the person
who knows about these things.
Chelsea: No. Okay.
Dean, I've been
going sober for 78 days.
I'm on a roll,
please don't do this to me.
Please, please, please, please.
It will derail me.
Dean is setting off, like,
a lot of triggers for me,
and what he's not
doing is asking me
to write the foreword
for his book.
Dean: Chelsea, I --
I understand you've --
you've thrown away your phone.
Chelsea: I have.
All of them.
Dean: So you --
you couldn't do it anyway.
Chelsea: Well, I mean,
I could figure out how.
Dean: Well,
that would take so long,
and then you'd probably
forget how to do it.
Chelsea: Ha, ha!
Excuse your damn self.
I would be able to send off
a fire-ass tweet so fast,
it would go viral so quick
your head would spin.
You have no idea
what I'm capable of.
Dean: As you can see,
the fish is on the line.
Stavrose?
Stavrose: Yes?
Dean: Reach into
the burner barrel
and pull out
a burner phone please
and bring it in here.
Stavrose: Right away!
Chelsea: I know
what you're doing.
Dean: What am I doing?
Chelsea: I know
what you're doing.
Dean: What am I doing?
Chelsea: You're trying to...
Okay. Yeah, I'll play
your little game.
I'll show you my resolve.
A burner phone.
Dean: Thank you, Stavrose.
Stavrose: My pleasure.
Chelsea.
Chelsea: What up?
What is that, iPhone 6?
You're late.
Dean: It's a 6S.
Chelsea: Mnh-mnh.
Dean: 6S Plus.
Chelsea: We're already on 7.2
Alpha, and you know it.
Dean: Oh, so then you couldn't
do it on this phone.
You couldn't send a tweet
from this phone?
Chelsea: I could
destroy this phone.
Dean: I'd have to see
that to believe it, I suppose.
Chelsea: You're not going
to get me to...
That screen.
It's so smooth.
Oh, it's even better
than I remembered.
Not gonna do it,
not gonna touch it.
Dean: You seem
to be touching it.
Chelsea: Okay, maybe I was
never meant to be tech-sober.
I'll do it.
Thank you, Dean.
I'll do it now,
and I'll set it to post later.
Dean: You're doing
the right thing, Chelsea.
Chelsea: Oh, my God.
Did you see what
Chloe did to her hair?
Dean: You don't have
to do it here.
Chelsea: The fuck
are you thinking?
Dean: These are mobile phones
still, isn't that correct?
Chelsea: Oh,
absolutely not, Rihanna.
You said no fur.
Now you all about fur.
What is this?
I'm going to tweet at him.
He has no idea
what's coming.
Don't sleep on Chelsea.
I've been away,
but I ain't dead yet, bitches.
Dean: Well, that was fun.
I was afraid I'd lost my knack
for un-sobering people.
Still got it.
♪♪♪♪
Amir: The inspection
at the Malibu Hills house
should have been
over a long time ago.
But the bribe monster known
as Jenny Tanner, home inspector,
keeps "finding things."
Jenny: Okay, let's see
what we got here.
Oh, got some more fissures.
[ Cash register dings ]
I see exposed electrical.
[ Cash register dings ]
Mold down there.
[ Cash register dings ]
Amir: This is a lot of money,
but the house has
to pass inspection,
or I don't get my commission.
What do you do with all
this money, by the way?
Jenny: Oh, it goes towards
my basic living expenses
and terrible medical costs.
Amir: Oh.
Do you have a medical issue?
Jenny: Yes, I have
a pain-pill addiction.
Amir: Have you tried
to get treatment maybe?
Jenny: The problem with that
was that I didn't want to.
Ooh, I see
exposed insulation.
[ Cash register dings ]
Amir: So you're just going
to go home after this?
Jenny: "Home," yeah.
Amir: Why --
why'd you put home in quotes?
Jenny: It's a van.
I mean, I like it,
but it's a van.
Amir: You live in a van?
Jenny: I live in a van.
Not as bad as I thought
it would be.
Amir: There's nothing I hate
more than relating to somebody,
but I get it.
I've been living in my Porsche.
But I've already given
her a lot of money.
This is not what
usually what happens
when I give all my money
to a beautiful woman.
Jenny: Okay.
Let's see what's wrong
with this section.
You know what?
I'm too tired.
Just give me the money.
Amir: No.
You know what?
I'm done giving you the money.
We've been going
around the house.
You're pointing at things
that are bogus.
I've paid way more money
than I intended,
way more money than you let
on that I would pay.
Write whatever the hell you want
on that stupid clipboard,
I'm done.
Jenny: Whoa!
Look at that fire.
Look at that passion!
Amir: Yeah, that's what
usually happens, baby.
Amir's back in charge.
Jenny: You've convinced me, sir.
I'm going to sign this form
for you right now.
Amir: Thank you.
Jenny: Just kidding!
And if you don't
give me $1,000 right now,
I'm going to burn
this place down.
Amir: Out of your mind.
Here.
Jenny: Thank you, sir.
Here you go,
congratulations.
Amir: Thanks. Yeah.
I did it.
I get my sweet commission,
and I can finally
move out of my car.
And she'll still be
sleeping in a van.
And, by the way,
no one lives in this house.
If you want,
you can stay here tonight.
Jenny:
I would never stay here.
Ugly, it's tacky,
and it's about to fall over.
Amir: The good news is,
the house passed inspection.
The bad news is Jenny
lost her certificate a year ago.
This is a $2,000
piece of hard toilet paper.
♪♪♪♪
Andrew: A buyer came in
from New York City
to tour the Palisades house.
Zars St. Lars has promised
not to bring up "Smooth."
Baxter: God, that song sucks.
Andrew: Sucks.
All right.
Baxter: Yeah, so this
is the living room here.
Tamamara: Oh.
Andrew: How was your flight
from New York, Tamamara?
Tamamara: You know what?
It was not bad.
Andrew: Yeah?
Baxter: Good.
Tamamara: 'Cause there was
no turbulence at all.
Baxter: That's good.
Andrew: Good.
Tamamara: It was very,
um, what is it, um, safe!
Baxter: Yes. Very safe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tamamara: Oh, look!
See, now, this is interesting.
Right?
These floors,
they look like they would be
rough, but, uh...
Baxter: Yeah, it's very...
Tamamara: Slick.
Baxter: Yes.
Very slick.
Tamamara: Flat.
Baxter: Yes.
Tamamara: Yeah.
Andrew: She had breakfast
in here every morning
because it gets
such great sunlight.
Tamamara: You know what I love
to do for breakfast?
Do you ever do this?
It's real healthy, you, um,
it's like a juice breakfast
where you blend it
and you put in, uh...
Andrew: Don't you --
don't you...
Baxter: It's a shake.
Tamamara: Oh, but, you know,
you put the peanut butter in it,
but not the chunky kind,
the kind that will go well with,
um...
Baxter: Creamy.
Andrew: Can you not...
Baxter: Creamy.
Andrew: This is
a damn minefield.
Tamamara: Look at this!
Oh, is this --
this guitar?
Baxter: Mm-hmm.
Tamamara: You know,
I play music as a hobby.
Baxter: Oh, cool!
Andrew: Oh, cool.
Tamamara: For fun.
Just for funsies!
Do you do that?
Andrew: That's just her design.
Tamamara: Do you do that?
Is that yours? Do you play?
Zars: "Smooth"!
"Smooth," "Smooth,"
mother fucker!
Andrew: Oh, okay.
Baxter: Okay.
Zars: Everything you said,
the answer is smooth.
Your smooth flight,
your smooth peanut butter,
your smooth everything
and your smooth floor.
Baxter: No, it's not.
Andrew: I'm sorry.
Zars: And your smooth face.
Andrew: Creamy peanut butter,
it's not...
Baxter: Hey, uh, Tamamara,
why don't you check out this...
Zars: Smooth.
Andrew: What was that?
Baxter: ...uh,
fireplace in depth.
Look at it very close.
Andrew: That --
that was like a crazy person.
Baxter: You just lost
your mind...
Andrew: What are you doing?
Baxter: ...at a buyer?
Andrew: I mean, if we're going
to sell this house...
Baxter: We got to
talk her off the ledge.
Zars: It --
I don't want to sell.
Andrew: Wait, wait.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what?
Zars: I didn't want
to, um, sell.
Baxter: You...
Zars: This is my home.
Andrew: You do want to sell.
That's why you brought us in.
Why are we here
if you don't want to sell?
Zars: Because I just want
to be appreciated for "Smoo--"
I want to be appreciated
for "Sm--"
Baxter: You're trying to...
Andrew: You are.
Baxter: This is
an attempt for you
to get appreciated for "Smooth"?
Andrew: You are appreciated
for "Smooth,"
but you should want
to be appreciated
for other things as well.
Baxter: How about answer this.
What's...
Zars: "Smooth."
Baxter: No.
Where's your favorite place
to vacation?
Is it a city?
Place?
Zars: Smooth Town, U.S.A.
Baxter: That is not a city.
Andrew: It actually is a city,
but it doesn't matter.
Baxter: Where?
Smooth Town, U.S.A.
Zars: All right,
Clearwater, Florida.
Baxter: There.
Andrew: See?
Baxter: Isn't that beautiful?
That's it, Zars.
Come with us.
Andrew: To Sales Town.
If I give you $10,000 and say,
"You have to use this
on a vacation
and go anywhere you want,"
where do you go?
Zars: Barstow?
Andrew: That's cool!
That's cool.
You have a bunch
of different interests
you haven't even
recognized before.
Zars: I'm so much
more than "Smooth."
Baxter: Yes!
Andrew: So much more
than "Smooth."
Baxter: So much more!
Zars: I mean, and I --
I've been stuck in that space,
and I put my value
of myself onto that.
And it's just like...
Andrew: Yeah.
Zars: ...I am more than that.
I am -- I am bracelets.
I am rings.
I am, you know, fun...
Baxter: Yes.
Zars: ...uh, T-shirts.
Baxter: Yeah.
Tamamara: Oh, my God.
Zars St. Lars.
I recognize you now!
Fourth lead guitarist
on "Smooth"?
Andrew: Yes.
Wow.
Zars: I'm afraid I am.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: That's impressive.
Tamamara: I lost my virginity
to that song!
Zars: Oh. Thank you.
We had fun doing that.
Tamamara: Oh, my God.
I can't...This is your house!
Zars: This is actually
the house that "Smooth" built.
"Smooth" was written...
Tamamara: No!
Zars: ...and then I was able
to afford that table.
And then I bought this,
and then I bought this,
and then I bought that,
and then I bought that...
Andrew: Right.
Zars: And then I bought this,
and then I bought that,
and then I bought this.
Tamamara: I'm buying this house.
Baxter: Great!
Andrew: Okay!
Tamamara: Yes.
Andrew: I like hearing that.
Baxter: Yes.
Tamamara: I need to have it.
Andrew: Thanks.
Baxter: Done deal!
Andrew: Make it a smooth deal.
Zars: Make it a deal
and make it real,
or let's forget about it!
Baxter: Yes, that's good!
Baxter and Andrew:
♪♪ Man, it's a hot one ♪♪
Baxter:
Whoo, I love that song!
♪♪♪♪
Dean: Well, if he's dead,
that just makes things easier.
All right.
Bye.
Glenn: Hi, Dean.
Dean: Glenn.
Glenn: I studied all night,
and I have never been
more ready to convince Dean
that I'm his guy
for the book foreword.
Thank you for taking
this appointment with me.
Dean: Absolutely.
Glenn: I am thrilled
to be pitching to you
why I should be the one
writing your foreword.
Now...
Dean: Glenn, I'm going
to stop you there.
Glenn: Okay.
Dean: It won't be you.
Glenn: You don't want
to hear my pitch at all?
Dean: Well, I don't need
to hear your pitch.
Glenn: Can I give you
five of the words?
Dean: If you like.
Glenn: Warmth of
the birthing canal.
Dean: Feel better?
Glenn: Not really,
it didn't seem to hook you.
Dean: No, I certainly
don't want to hear
more of whatever
that was going to be.
I hope you're not
too disappointed.
Glenn: I'm hurting.
Dean: Well,
it was nice to see you.
Glenn: It can't end.
Not like this.
I like being near Dean.
I would love to pitch
you what the other brokers
might write for you
if they were to write
your foreword.
Dean: Why not?
Glenn: For example,
if it were Victoria,
maybe it would be
something like,
"Hi. I'm Victoria King.
Every morning, I arise
from the depths of Hell
to join the human race on Earth.
I'm an awful human being.
If you were to part my hair,
you would find the horns
coming out of my skull."
Dean: We're no closer
to understanding
what the foreword would be,
should she write it.
Glenn: But I got her voice.
Dean: You certainly did.
Glenn: Okay.
Baxter and Andrew.
"Hey, y'all, I'm Baxter.
I start the sentence.
Give me more golden raisins
and grits."
"And I'm Andrew,
I finish the sentence.
Where's my protein?"
Dean: Baxter does love
gold raisins, I assume!
Glenn, thank you.
I'm sorry that it can't be you.
But I appreciate your efforts,
and they won't go unnoticed.
Glenn: Dean, I would love
to leave this meeting
with something tangible
to show for my efforts.
Dean: Give me your pen.
There you go.
You just wear that, anywhere.
Glenn: Wow.
"Glenn is nice."
I am nice.
It says so right here.
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea: This day sucked.
DJ's more interesting than me.
Dean pulled me off the wagon.
Screw it.
I'm just going to drown
my sorrows in salad,
and for dessert?
Yogurt!
I'm treating myself, bitches.
Hey, Todd.
That's my yogurt.
Todd.
Hey!
Don't open my yogurt.
Whoa, Todd!
Why are you eating
my yogurt, man?
Dude.
Not cool.
Don't stare at me while you
just solemnly eat my yogurt.
Why are you looking at my --
Don't put your hands in my --
Todd, stop!
Would you -- No, hey.
Hey, come on,
don't go through my bag.
Todd, don't dump --
Come on, dude.
Todd, do not.
That's a fancy lipstick!
Todd, come on man!
Todd, don't put
on my fancy lipstick!
Don't put on my Mac RiRi Woo.
Todd!
Do not wear my RiRi Woo,
Rihanna doesn't --
Todd, you just
ate my Mac lipstick.
Todd, don't!
Put down my sweater.
That is my sweater.
Todd, that's cashmere.
Don't cradle it like
you miss someone.
Todd!
Todd, you are not
a fancy lady waitress.
No! Todd.
Do not bring me something
I did not order.
Don't go back
in the kitchen
and tell the cook
it's my fault.
Todd, I don't want to...
Don't make me be a bull though.
Just don't.
Why do I --
Okay, stop.
No more.
I don't want to dance, Todd.
Todd.
Todd, stop.
This isn't "West Side Story,"
stop.
Stop! Hey.
You get out of here.
You get out. No.
You back up.
You back up!
Get out!
Get out!
Get out!
Go!
Damn.
I mean, Todd
is an insane person.
But I got to say,
pepper-spraying him
in the face ended my day
on a high note.
Todd: Forgot my cart.
Chelsea: Oh.
Oh, and hey, Todd, there's all
this salad on the floor.
Can you clean it up?
Todd: Yeah, yeah,
I'll get to it.
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea: Surprise!
I drive now.
You are looking at the new and
improved Chelsea Leight-Leigh.
No more Uber for me.
I have a whole new lease
on life, and, to celebrate,
I bought myself this amazing car
that has vertical doors.
You know, it's my first car,
so I'm learning how to get in
and out of it.
After the Glenn,
Amir and Chelsea
love-triangle disaster...
Amir used me to get to Glenn
to give up the partnership.
Not cool!
I'm done.
I decided my brand needed
a complete overhaul.
Ugh! Uh.
So now I'm
a recovering app-addict
on a total tech-detox.
I mean, hello?
New hair.
I'm really excited
about the person
I'm going to tell people
I am now.
♪♪♪♪
I'm on my way to talk
with the new office manager, DJ.
I sense that
he's a fellow seeker,
and I'm really looking forward
to talking with him.
DJ: Oh...
Chelsea: Hey, hey!
DJ: Chelsea.
Chelsea: How you doing?
DJ: I'm great.
How are you?
Chelsea: Great!
I just...
DJ: You have a great energy
about you today.
Chelsea: Thank you so much.
To that end, I came by
to tell you that
Friday I have to skip out early
because I have to go to this
Peruvian basket-weaving class.
It's part of my recovery.
DJ: That's amazing.
I'm so happy for you!
Chelsea: I know.
I'm so excited.
DJ: Uh, when I was in Peru,
I set up a micro-economy
out there for them and...
Chelsea: Whoa!
DJ: Yeah, and the fact
that you're being part of it
is connecting us already.
Chelsea: That is so cool
that you did that!
DJ: Isn't that fun?
Yeah.
Chelsea: Yeah, you know,
I did the Tour du Mont Blanc.
I did it in, uh, in 8 days.
DJ: Oh, my God.
That's so fun!
Chelsea: It was hard!
DJ: That's so great.
Yeah, I mean, it...
Chelsea: It was grueling.
DJ: If it's your first one,
it...
Chelsea: Have you
done similar...
DJ: Uh, yeah, I've done, uh,
I don't know if it's similar.
Chelsea: No.
DJ: I have walked Asia.
Chelsea: Wow!
DJ: Yeah.
You know, it's not
until you walk all of Asia
that you realize
that every journey starts
with one step.
Chelsea: That is so good.
Wow, DJ has lived a life.
Oh, I had
a life-changing experience
that I'm sure he will
find really inspiring.
I mean, when I was on ayahuasca,
for instance,
that was like...
DJ: Oh.
Chelsea: ...that really
opened up my,
you know, frontal cortex.
DJ: Yeah.
Chelsea: And I feel like
I haven't been the same since.
DJ: And the first time
you see a cheetah,
and the first time
that he opens his mouth...
Chelsea: What?
DJ: ...and speaks to you
as a bear.
Chelsea: I just saw a lemur.
DJ: Oh, you saw a lemur?
That can be good sometimes.
That's great.
Chelsea: My shaman said it's
because I have a wily nature.
DJ: Wait, who's your shaman?
Chelsea: Jose Vasquez.
DJ: Tell him, if you see him
again, tell him I said, "Hello."
Chelsea: You know him?
DJ: Uh, I was his shaman.
Chelsea: What?!
DJ: Yeah.
I was.
I was for a -- a few journeys.
Chelsea: Confession time.
This is something
my sponsor warned me about.
I'm feeling competitive.
DJ: No.
Chelsea: And it's coming
from an insecure place.
DJ: You want me to say
something then,
have confession time for me?
Chelsea: Yes!
Yes, what do you --
what did you do?
DJ: I have the same tech issues.
I can't get off of my phone.
Chelsea: You're kidding.
DJ: Yeah.
I mean, I can't because
every time I look at my phone,
$5 goes to clean water.
Chelsea: That's not a thing.
DJ: It is a thing.
Chelsea: How?
DJ: Elon Musk is my Godfather,
and he started this idea
based off of a dream I had.
You know what?
I said too much.
Chelsea: Oh, did you?
DJ: Get back in there.
♪♪♪♪
Andrew: Today we're meeting
our seller, Zars St. Lars,
at her house
in the Pacific Palisades.
Baxter: She's a session musician
who has worked with everyone
from Carlos Santana
to Rob Thomas.
Hey!
Andrew: Zars!
Zars: Hey, guys!
Baxter: How's it going?
Andrew: Nice to meet you.
Zars: You made it!
Baxter: Looking good.
Andrew: Put a face
to the name, right?
Baxter: Yeah.
Zars: Is it blowing
your mind?
Baxter: You were
the guitarist on "Smooth."
Multiple times,
you mentioned "Smooth."
Zars: Even though
Zars St. Lars is the fourth
lead guitar player on "Smooth,"
Zars...is just
a person, a woman.
Andrew: Is it called
fourth lead?
Fourth lead?
Zars: The fourth lead guitar.
Baxter: That song,
"Smooth," came out in 1999.
Andrew: That song is stupid.
Zars: You think that,
for selling this place,
it's going to go, uh, easy?
Going to go, uh,
going to go, uh...
What's another word for that?
Andrew: Give it to her.
Baxter: It should go smoothly?
Andrew: Go smooth.
Zars: Yeah.
These banisters
are not rough.
They are the opposite
of rough,
which the fourth lead guitarist,
the woman behind the man,
behind the man behind "Smooth,"
is responsible for "Smooth,"
built that banister.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: Yeah?
Zars: You know what my
favorite part of the song is?
I'm going to show you.
[ Plays one note ]
Baxter: Is that...
Zars: That's the note I played.
Andrew: You played one --
one note?
[ Plays two notes ]
Oh.
That changed it up a little bit.
If Zars keeps talking
about "Smooth,"
she's going to scare
away buyers.
Baxter: Please, please,
please put down the guitar.
Zars: Ah,
the chord stopped.
You know what didn't stop
is the wild success of
the song "Smooth."
Baxter: Yeah.
Zars: When we would
do jam sessions,
Carlos always used
the upstairs bathroom
to, uh, drop a bass note.
He was talking about
taking a shit.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: Mm-hmm. We got that.
Baxter: Hey, um, Zars,
uh, so I think we...
Zars: Call me Zee...
Baxter: Zee.
Zars: Or Zars. Zars St...
Yeah, just do the whole thing.
Baxter: Okay, Zars...
Zars: Zars St. Lars.
Baxter: Listen, Zars St. Lars.
Um, we've got some
clients on the way,
and I don't think
we need to sell you
as much as we need
to sell the house.
So if you can kind of just,
you know, chill a little bit
on the "Smooth" stuff.
Do we have your word on that?
Zars: Yeah, heck yeah.
You've got my word.
You got my heart.
And make it real,
and let's forget about it.
Andrew: Okay, that was...
Zars: That was out of my system,
just had to get it
out of my system.
Andrew: Okay.
♪♪♪♪
Amir: After a rough
couple months,
my luck is finally
turning around.
I sold a small
We-Ho bungalow last week,
and I'm about to close escrow
on a $15 million home
in the Malibu Hills.
I have one last inspection
with Jenny Tanner
from the building department
before this sale clears,
and then I can finally
move out of my car.
Jenny: Is this a large crawl
space or a sad patio?
Amir: I think
it's an open basement.
Jenny: An open basement?
That's about $10,000,
$15,000 right there in fines.
Amir: What?
Jenny: I don't want
to write that down, though.
Amir: Well, then don't.
Jenny: Hmm.
Golly, I wonder
what could make all of this
go so much smoother
for both of us.
Amir: Me too.
Jenny: In this
sort of situation,
you know, I scratch your back.
You scratch mine.
Amir: Oh.
Oh.
Jenny Tanner is hitting on me.
Jenny: You know,
I grease your palm.
You grease mine, buddy.
Amir: Oh, you want
to give me a hand job?
Jenny: No, I don't want
to give you a hand job.
Think!
Amir: You said grease palm.
Jenny: Yes.
Amir: I'm the idiot for
thinking that's a hand job?
Jenny: You have
the greased palm.
Amir: Is it possible
that I've misread the situation?
No.
Jenny: How much can you fit
in pockets like those?
Amir: I've got my wallet.
Jenny: Oh, what?
I didn't ask you
to bring your wallet out.
But now that it's here,
I'd love to see more.
Amir: Oh, check it out.
Actually, this is Prada.
It's lambs leather.
Jenny: Inside too as well?
It's lambs leather? Ooh!
Amir: Check that out.
Jenny: What goes in the --
the little slots?
Amir: You don't know what goes
in the slots of a wallet?
Jenny: Could you show me?
Amir: Uh...
Jenny: I'm a visual learner.
Amir: Hello, money.
Jenny: How much
could you fit in there?
How many bills?
Amir: Here, hold that.
Look at -- look at all
the space it's got.
You can, like, literally, just,
you can pile it full of cash.
Jenny: Oh.
Amir: Like, look,
I'm folding a double.
Jenny: Oh,
I'm getting sad again.
I'm just remembering
all these violations
and codes and fines.
Amir: Then don't write them
if you don't want to.
Jenny: Oh, what --
what do you think we could do
to make this situation
go a little bit more smoothly?
Amir: What is happening
right now?
Jenny: You were
so close earlier.
Remember, something
came out of your pants.
You took another thing
out of that thing.
We were right there.
Amir: I get it.
Jenny: Okay.
Amir: I'm no fool.
Jenny: All right!
Amir: You want an iPhone case?
Jenny: Okay, I want you
to pay me a bribe.
And then I won't
write anything down,
and you can sell this house.
Amir: Oh, okay.
Why didn't you just say that?
Jenny: I'm trying so hard.
Amir: I thought you wanted me to
jerk off for you or something.
Jenny: I do a little, but no.
More, I want the money.
Amir: Okay, well,
how much do you want?
Jenny: I want $300.
Amir: $300?
Jenny: Yeah.
Amir: That's it?
Jenny: Yeah.
Amir: I'll give you $400...
Jenny: Oh, my God.
Amir: ...just because you want
to see me jerk off.
Going to close the sale
and jerk off for Jenny.
Amir is back, baby!
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea:
I'm headed to my second
Rosedragon meeting of the day
to convince Dean to let me
write his foreword.
Hope this one goes better.
Dean: Chelsea.
I understand you have taken
some sort of vow
of Internet sobriety
as it were?
Chelsea: Mm-hmm.
Dean:
And I think that is noble.
Chelsea: Thanks.
Dean:
But it does not serve me,
and so what I'd like,
in advance of my book
coming out,
and in accordance
with my publisher,
Gwentolin's, instructions,
is for you to handle
the social media
for my book onslaught.
Chelsea: No, no, no,
no, no, Dean.
Dean, no, please don't
ask this of me.
Dean: You are the person
who knows about these things.
Chelsea: No. Okay.
Dean, I've been
going sober for 78 days.
I'm on a roll,
please don't do this to me.
Please, please, please, please.
It will derail me.
Dean is setting off, like,
a lot of triggers for me,
and what he's not
doing is asking me
to write the foreword
for his book.
Dean: Chelsea, I --
I understand you've --
you've thrown away your phone.
Chelsea: I have.
All of them.
Dean: So you --
you couldn't do it anyway.
Chelsea: Well, I mean,
I could figure out how.
Dean: Well,
that would take so long,
and then you'd probably
forget how to do it.
Chelsea: Ha, ha!
Excuse your damn self.
I would be able to send off
a fire-ass tweet so fast,
it would go viral so quick
your head would spin.
You have no idea
what I'm capable of.
Dean: As you can see,
the fish is on the line.
Stavrose?
Stavrose: Yes?
Dean: Reach into
the burner barrel
and pull out
a burner phone please
and bring it in here.
Stavrose: Right away!
Chelsea: I know
what you're doing.
Dean: What am I doing?
Chelsea: I know
what you're doing.
Dean: What am I doing?
Chelsea: You're trying to...
Okay. Yeah, I'll play
your little game.
I'll show you my resolve.
A burner phone.
Dean: Thank you, Stavrose.
Stavrose: My pleasure.
Chelsea.
Chelsea: What up?
What is that, iPhone 6?
You're late.
Dean: It's a 6S.
Chelsea: Mnh-mnh.
Dean: 6S Plus.
Chelsea: We're already on 7.2
Alpha, and you know it.
Dean: Oh, so then you couldn't
do it on this phone.
You couldn't send a tweet
from this phone?
Chelsea: I could
destroy this phone.
Dean: I'd have to see
that to believe it, I suppose.
Chelsea: You're not going
to get me to...
That screen.
It's so smooth.
Oh, it's even better
than I remembered.
Not gonna do it,
not gonna touch it.
Dean: You seem
to be touching it.
Chelsea: Okay, maybe I was
never meant to be tech-sober.
I'll do it.
Thank you, Dean.
I'll do it now,
and I'll set it to post later.
Dean: You're doing
the right thing, Chelsea.
Chelsea: Oh, my God.
Did you see what
Chloe did to her hair?
Dean: You don't have
to do it here.
Chelsea: The fuck
are you thinking?
Dean: These are mobile phones
still, isn't that correct?
Chelsea: Oh,
absolutely not, Rihanna.
You said no fur.
Now you all about fur.
What is this?
I'm going to tweet at him.
He has no idea
what's coming.
Don't sleep on Chelsea.
I've been away,
but I ain't dead yet, bitches.
Dean: Well, that was fun.
I was afraid I'd lost my knack
for un-sobering people.
Still got it.
♪♪♪♪
Amir: The inspection
at the Malibu Hills house
should have been
over a long time ago.
But the bribe monster known
as Jenny Tanner, home inspector,
keeps "finding things."
Jenny: Okay, let's see
what we got here.
Oh, got some more fissures.
[ Cash register dings ]
I see exposed electrical.
[ Cash register dings ]
Mold down there.
[ Cash register dings ]
Amir: This is a lot of money,
but the house has
to pass inspection,
or I don't get my commission.
What do you do with all
this money, by the way?
Jenny: Oh, it goes towards
my basic living expenses
and terrible medical costs.
Amir: Oh.
Do you have a medical issue?
Jenny: Yes, I have
a pain-pill addiction.
Amir: Have you tried
to get treatment maybe?
Jenny: The problem with that
was that I didn't want to.
Ooh, I see
exposed insulation.
[ Cash register dings ]
Amir: So you're just going
to go home after this?
Jenny: "Home," yeah.
Amir: Why --
why'd you put home in quotes?
Jenny: It's a van.
I mean, I like it,
but it's a van.
Amir: You live in a van?
Jenny: I live in a van.
Not as bad as I thought
it would be.
Amir: There's nothing I hate
more than relating to somebody,
but I get it.
I've been living in my Porsche.
But I've already given
her a lot of money.
This is not what
usually what happens
when I give all my money
to a beautiful woman.
Jenny: Okay.
Let's see what's wrong
with this section.
You know what?
I'm too tired.
Just give me the money.
Amir: No.
You know what?
I'm done giving you the money.
We've been going
around the house.
You're pointing at things
that are bogus.
I've paid way more money
than I intended,
way more money than you let
on that I would pay.
Write whatever the hell you want
on that stupid clipboard,
I'm done.
Jenny: Whoa!
Look at that fire.
Look at that passion!
Amir: Yeah, that's what
usually happens, baby.
Amir's back in charge.
Jenny: You've convinced me, sir.
I'm going to sign this form
for you right now.
Amir: Thank you.
Jenny: Just kidding!
And if you don't
give me $1,000 right now,
I'm going to burn
this place down.
Amir: Out of your mind.
Here.
Jenny: Thank you, sir.
Here you go,
congratulations.
Amir: Thanks. Yeah.
I did it.
I get my sweet commission,
and I can finally
move out of my car.
And she'll still be
sleeping in a van.
And, by the way,
no one lives in this house.
If you want,
you can stay here tonight.
Jenny:
I would never stay here.
Ugly, it's tacky,
and it's about to fall over.
Amir: The good news is,
the house passed inspection.
The bad news is Jenny
lost her certificate a year ago.
This is a $2,000
piece of hard toilet paper.
♪♪♪♪
Andrew: A buyer came in
from New York City
to tour the Palisades house.
Zars St. Lars has promised
not to bring up "Smooth."
Baxter: God, that song sucks.
Andrew: Sucks.
All right.
Baxter: Yeah, so this
is the living room here.
Tamamara: Oh.
Andrew: How was your flight
from New York, Tamamara?
Tamamara: You know what?
It was not bad.
Andrew: Yeah?
Baxter: Good.
Tamamara: 'Cause there was
no turbulence at all.
Baxter: That's good.
Andrew: Good.
Tamamara: It was very,
um, what is it, um, safe!
Baxter: Yes. Very safe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tamamara: Oh, look!
See, now, this is interesting.
Right?
These floors,
they look like they would be
rough, but, uh...
Baxter: Yeah, it's very...
Tamamara: Slick.
Baxter: Yes.
Very slick.
Tamamara: Flat.
Baxter: Yes.
Tamamara: Yeah.
Andrew: She had breakfast
in here every morning
because it gets
such great sunlight.
Tamamara: You know what I love
to do for breakfast?
Do you ever do this?
It's real healthy, you, um,
it's like a juice breakfast
where you blend it
and you put in, uh...
Andrew: Don't you --
don't you...
Baxter: It's a shake.
Tamamara: Oh, but, you know,
you put the peanut butter in it,
but not the chunky kind,
the kind that will go well with,
um...
Baxter: Creamy.
Andrew: Can you not...
Baxter: Creamy.
Andrew: This is
a damn minefield.
Tamamara: Look at this!
Oh, is this --
this guitar?
Baxter: Mm-hmm.
Tamamara: You know,
I play music as a hobby.
Baxter: Oh, cool!
Andrew: Oh, cool.
Tamamara: For fun.
Just for funsies!
Do you do that?
Andrew: That's just her design.
Tamamara: Do you do that?
Is that yours? Do you play?
Zars: "Smooth"!
"Smooth," "Smooth,"
mother fucker!
Andrew: Oh, okay.
Baxter: Okay.
Zars: Everything you said,
the answer is smooth.
Your smooth flight,
your smooth peanut butter,
your smooth everything
and your smooth floor.
Baxter: No, it's not.
Andrew: I'm sorry.
Zars: And your smooth face.
Andrew: Creamy peanut butter,
it's not...
Baxter: Hey, uh, Tamamara,
why don't you check out this...
Zars: Smooth.
Andrew: What was that?
Baxter: ...uh,
fireplace in depth.
Look at it very close.
Andrew: That --
that was like a crazy person.
Baxter: You just lost
your mind...
Andrew: What are you doing?
Baxter: ...at a buyer?
Andrew: I mean, if we're going
to sell this house...
Baxter: We got to
talk her off the ledge.
Zars: It --
I don't want to sell.
Andrew: Wait, wait.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what?
Zars: I didn't want
to, um, sell.
Baxter: You...
Zars: This is my home.
Andrew: You do want to sell.
That's why you brought us in.
Why are we here
if you don't want to sell?
Zars: Because I just want
to be appreciated for "Smoo--"
I want to be appreciated
for "Sm--"
Baxter: You're trying to...
Andrew: You are.
Baxter: This is
an attempt for you
to get appreciated for "Smooth"?
Andrew: You are appreciated
for "Smooth,"
but you should want
to be appreciated
for other things as well.
Baxter: How about answer this.
What's...
Zars: "Smooth."
Baxter: No.
Where's your favorite place
to vacation?
Is it a city?
Place?
Zars: Smooth Town, U.S.A.
Baxter: That is not a city.
Andrew: It actually is a city,
but it doesn't matter.
Baxter: Where?
Smooth Town, U.S.A.
Zars: All right,
Clearwater, Florida.
Baxter: There.
Andrew: See?
Baxter: Isn't that beautiful?
That's it, Zars.
Come with us.
Andrew: To Sales Town.
If I give you $10,000 and say,
"You have to use this
on a vacation
and go anywhere you want,"
where do you go?
Zars: Barstow?
Andrew: That's cool!
That's cool.
You have a bunch
of different interests
you haven't even
recognized before.
Zars: I'm so much
more than "Smooth."
Baxter: Yes!
Andrew: So much more
than "Smooth."
Baxter: So much more!
Zars: I mean, and I --
I've been stuck in that space,
and I put my value
of myself onto that.
And it's just like...
Andrew: Yeah.
Zars: ...I am more than that.
I am -- I am bracelets.
I am rings.
I am, you know, fun...
Baxter: Yes.
Zars: ...uh, T-shirts.
Baxter: Yeah.
Tamamara: Oh, my God.
Zars St. Lars.
I recognize you now!
Fourth lead guitarist
on "Smooth"?
Andrew: Yes.
Wow.
Zars: I'm afraid I am.
Baxter: Yeah.
Andrew: That's impressive.
Tamamara: I lost my virginity
to that song!
Zars: Oh. Thank you.
We had fun doing that.
Tamamara: Oh, my God.
I can't...This is your house!
Zars: This is actually
the house that "Smooth" built.
"Smooth" was written...
Tamamara: No!
Zars: ...and then I was able
to afford that table.
And then I bought this,
and then I bought this,
and then I bought that,
and then I bought that...
Andrew: Right.
Zars: And then I bought this,
and then I bought that,
and then I bought this.
Tamamara: I'm buying this house.
Baxter: Great!
Andrew: Okay!
Tamamara: Yes.
Andrew: I like hearing that.
Baxter: Yes.
Tamamara: I need to have it.
Andrew: Thanks.
Baxter: Done deal!
Andrew: Make it a smooth deal.
Zars: Make it a deal
and make it real,
or let's forget about it!
Baxter: Yes, that's good!
Baxter and Andrew:
♪♪ Man, it's a hot one ♪♪
Baxter:
Whoo, I love that song!
♪♪♪♪
Dean: Well, if he's dead,
that just makes things easier.
All right.
Bye.
Glenn: Hi, Dean.
Dean: Glenn.
Glenn: I studied all night,
and I have never been
more ready to convince Dean
that I'm his guy
for the book foreword.
Thank you for taking
this appointment with me.
Dean: Absolutely.
Glenn: I am thrilled
to be pitching to you
why I should be the one
writing your foreword.
Now...
Dean: Glenn, I'm going
to stop you there.
Glenn: Okay.
Dean: It won't be you.
Glenn: You don't want
to hear my pitch at all?
Dean: Well, I don't need
to hear your pitch.
Glenn: Can I give you
five of the words?
Dean: If you like.
Glenn: Warmth of
the birthing canal.
Dean: Feel better?
Glenn: Not really,
it didn't seem to hook you.
Dean: No, I certainly
don't want to hear
more of whatever
that was going to be.
I hope you're not
too disappointed.
Glenn: I'm hurting.
Dean: Well,
it was nice to see you.
Glenn: It can't end.
Not like this.
I like being near Dean.
I would love to pitch
you what the other brokers
might write for you
if they were to write
your foreword.
Dean: Why not?
Glenn: For example,
if it were Victoria,
maybe it would be
something like,
"Hi. I'm Victoria King.
Every morning, I arise
from the depths of Hell
to join the human race on Earth.
I'm an awful human being.
If you were to part my hair,
you would find the horns
coming out of my skull."
Dean: We're no closer
to understanding
what the foreword would be,
should she write it.
Glenn: But I got her voice.
Dean: You certainly did.
Glenn: Okay.
Baxter and Andrew.
"Hey, y'all, I'm Baxter.
I start the sentence.
Give me more golden raisins
and grits."
"And I'm Andrew,
I finish the sentence.
Where's my protein?"
Dean: Baxter does love
gold raisins, I assume!
Glenn, thank you.
I'm sorry that it can't be you.
But I appreciate your efforts,
and they won't go unnoticed.
Glenn: Dean, I would love
to leave this meeting
with something tangible
to show for my efforts.
Dean: Give me your pen.
There you go.
You just wear that, anywhere.
Glenn: Wow.
"Glenn is nice."
I am nice.
It says so right here.
♪♪♪♪
Chelsea: This day sucked.
DJ's more interesting than me.
Dean pulled me off the wagon.
Screw it.
I'm just going to drown
my sorrows in salad,
and for dessert?
Yogurt!
I'm treating myself, bitches.
Hey, Todd.
That's my yogurt.
Todd.
Hey!
Don't open my yogurt.
Whoa, Todd!
Why are you eating
my yogurt, man?
Dude.
Not cool.
Don't stare at me while you
just solemnly eat my yogurt.
Why are you looking at my --
Don't put your hands in my --
Todd, stop!
Would you -- No, hey.
Hey, come on,
don't go through my bag.
Todd, don't dump --
Come on, dude.
Todd, do not.
That's a fancy lipstick!
Todd, come on man!
Todd, don't put
on my fancy lipstick!
Don't put on my Mac RiRi Woo.
Todd!
Do not wear my RiRi Woo,
Rihanna doesn't --
Todd, you just
ate my Mac lipstick.
Todd, don't!
Put down my sweater.
That is my sweater.
Todd, that's cashmere.
Don't cradle it like
you miss someone.
Todd!
Todd, you are not
a fancy lady waitress.
No! Todd.
Do not bring me something
I did not order.
Don't go back
in the kitchen
and tell the cook
it's my fault.
Todd, I don't want to...
Don't make me be a bull though.
Just don't.
Why do I --
Okay, stop.
No more.
I don't want to dance, Todd.
Todd.
Todd, stop.
This isn't "West Side Story,"
stop.
Stop! Hey.
You get out of here.
You get out. No.
You back up.
You back up!
Get out!
Get out!
Get out!
Go!
Damn.
I mean, Todd
is an insane person.
But I got to say,
pepper-spraying him
in the face ended my day
on a high note.
Todd: Forgot my cart.
Chelsea: Oh.
Oh, and hey, Todd, there's all
this salad on the floor.
Can you clean it up?
Todd: Yeah, yeah,
I'll get to it.
♪♪♪♪