Baby Daddy (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 9 - Stupid Cupid - full transcript

Ben: This is such a sweet ride.

I haven't ridden one of
these babies in years.

Hey, there you are.

Yeah, it looks safe to me, Emma.

So, guess which adorable neighbor,
who you should totally date,

- I just had lunch with?
- Zoey.

Oh, my god, it's like
talking to you in a dress.

You two are practically the same person.

I'm not going out with her.

You guys are perfect for each other.

She's mature.



She has her head screwed on right.

She's a grown-up.

You honestly have no idea what men
find attractive about women, do you?

How about I show you?

Do you remember Sam?

The girl of my dreams...

Yeah, we're sleeping together.

Yeah, in separate rooms,

which is what we call a roommate.

Ben, move on.

Or move on up...

to the sixth floor, where Zoey lives.

Again, it's not gonna happen.

Other than both being single parents,
we pretty much have nothing in common.



Oh. You hang out up here, too. Perfect.

Well, at least I don't steal
t-shirts from the laundry room.

That's my Frontier Surgeons shirt.

Uh, no. It's mine.

I love them.

First concert that I ever went to.

No way! That was my first
concert. Madison Square Garden.

- Wait, Christmas 2006?
- Yeah.

Oh, my god, how amazing is this?

I mean, what are the chances that
you two would have so much in common?

A lot. Because you're
perfect for each other.

Ow! Ow!

Emma... Oh! That
was my foot.

Nice work, Emma.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

- (Riley scoffs)
- Riley, stop.

I have no interest in going
out with Zoey whatsoever.

Well, obviously.

I mean, if you did, I wouldn't have

to keep bothering you about it.

Ben, I love you. And I might feel

just a titch guilty about,

like, one or two things
that happened between us.

Really, just a titch?

My point is I want you to be happy,

and sometimes the
person we think we want

isn't the person who's right for us.

Is that how you sold it to
yourself when you dumped me?

Oh, my god. Okay. Look.

The only reason you
think you don't want Zoey

is because she's available.

Right? If she had guys chasing
after her, you'd be all like,

(deep voice) "See ya,
Sam. Oh, hey, Zoey."

Or even better...
bye, Riley.

Oh! And what's-his-name
misses the shot!

The puck's over there.
No, it's over there!

Now it's over there!

What are you doing?

Oh, hey, bro.

Just practicing a
little play-by-play.

Think I'm a natural.

Don't get offended if
I practice ignoring you.

I'm a natural at that.

It's Ben and Emma around the
couch. Will they stop for milk?

Nope, it's straight to the bedroom.

It's naptime here in apartment 4D.

What up, chicken butt?

Oh. It's Mom, out of nowhere!

She's across the room in a flash.

Who's her target?

Yes, the Chardonnay takes the hit!

What do you think?

I think a lot of things,

but I'm not crazy, so I
don't say them all out loud.

No, I'm thinking about
getting into sports

commentating when my
hockey career is over.

It's a great idea, right?

Mmm.

Yeah, I'm not sure "great"
is the word we're looking for,

but it is definitely an idea.

Nailed it.

Oh, so you don't believe in me either?

That's exactly what my manager said.

What?

No one tells my baby
what he can or can't do.

That's my job.

Screw your new manager.

You need your old mom-ager.

If there's one thing I know how to do,

it's help make your dreams come true.

Except the one time the
Make-A-Wish Foundation

called my bluff and they
made us return that pony.

(knocking on window)

You know, I had a dream just like this,

except Tucker was standing
on an airplane wing.

What? Oh, okay.

- Thank you, Mrs. Wheeler.
- Yeah.

Danny, this window's sticking again.

I've called Julio six times

and he still has not fixed it.

Maybe it's because the
super's name is Warren.

Really?

Because I gave our apartment
key to a guy named Julio.

Really?

What were you doing out there, anyway?

Oh. So, I was rehearsing
for an audition,

to be WNY-8's new weather man.

Cloudy with a chance of Tucker.

Wait, wait. I thought you wanted
to be an entertainment reporter?

I do! This is a stepping stone.

Today the sun, tomorrow the stars.

God, I'm good!

Oh, my god! This is perfect!

If WNY-8's gonna let this
nobody do the weather,

it would let this
somebody do the sports!

New York Ranger Danny
Wheeler. I'm a genius!

How did my good news become about you?

It's a gift.

(elevator dings)

Riley: This is us.

I still can't believe Riley
Perrin is setting me up.

To be honest, I was pretty sure
you didn't even know who I was.

Of course I know.

You're the guy who's
desk I pass everyday.

Hey, Ben. Hey, is Zoey here?

Um, no, but that's only
because she doesn't live here.

Oh. Oh, this is Rick. He's a lawyer.

Yeah, he and Zoey are
kind of becoming an item.

Actually, it's Roger.

I'm a paralegal, and I
haven't even met her yet.

But you will. You will.

And then I'll be all like, "Get
a room, you two." Am I right?

I haven't even seen a picture.

Hope it works out for you, Rog.

Hey, maybe we can all go
on a double date sometime

with me and my girlfriend, Sam.

Roommate, she's your roommate.

Not for long, okay?

Tonight, I'm going to be grilling
some steaks when she gets home,

we'll watch the sunset, have a drink.

Then by the time the sun rises,

this cock-a-doodle
will do.

No. No, no, no.

Aw, I'm so sorry.

I really thought Zoey was going
to be here. Okay, bye, Randy!

Honey, hi.

Where are you going?

I've got a meeting about
doing sports for WNY-8.

Oh, my god.

You talking on camera, that's so...

Great?

Great, yes. Oh!

Oh, crap. I forgot to
tell Ben that Sam called.

I'm sorry, Sam called
you? Why did Sam call you?

Because she works for me.

She's not gonna be home tonight because
she's going camping with friends.

And she asked if I would cover for her.

Okay, wait. Danny, hello.

I mean, your career needs to come first.

You don't want to be
late for your big meeting.

So I'll tell Ben that Sam won't be
home tonight. All right? Good luck.

Aw, thanks, babe. You're the best.

- Yes, I am the best.
- (Elevator dings)

I think I pressed the wrong button.

So tonight, expect low temperatures

and increasing clouds.

I'm Tucker Dobbs, making
predictions with convictions.

(laughs)

Let's go to Agnes in
the traffic chopper.

What's up, Agnes? Besides you.

This is the chance of a lifetime.

"WNY-8 news, with Dallas
Goldberg, Pamela Bishop,

and New York Ranger
Danny Wheeler on sports."

Look, Bonnie,

if I was the kind of
guy who took chances,

I'd be married to my
college roommate's mom

and we'd be living in Boca right now.

But the only opening we
have right now is in weather.

So don't listen to those other snobs,

get your weather from Tucker Dobbs.

Oh, man! Dude!

That was an awesome audition.

I totally believed it
was going to rain today.

It is.

There he is. Looks like we've
found our new weather man.

Oh, my god, really?

Congratulations, Danny.

Welcome aboard.

Me? Why?

Him? Why?

Okay, you know what? Don't ask
questions we don't have answers to.

- Let's go, Danny.
- But I don't want to do the weather.

Yes, you do. You love weather!

- What did you do, Mom?
- I kept my shirt on the whole time!

Steaks grilling.

Sun setting.

Bottle opener

forgetting.

(groans)

Anybody there?

Hey, Zoey.

Ben, hi. What are you doing?

I'm locked out of my
apartment and I have a date.

Riley: Zoey!

On the fire escape.

Hey, okay. Great news.

Ben doesn't know that Sam's not
coming so he's home alone right now.

- No, he's not.
- Ow!

Ben, hi.

And why isn't Sam coming?

(scoffs)

Did I forget to mention that?

Doesn't matter. Uh, it looks like

you two were in the middle of something.

So, I'm
just gonna...

Really? Tricking me to come up here.

God, I can't believe you two.

(scoffs) Two? I had
nothing to do with this.

Yeah, right. You're practically
throwing yourself at me with that steak.

Oh, my god, you are so full of yourself.

And you're just mad 'cause
your plan didn't work.

Okay, you know, if I
could just interject...

Or better yet, mind your own business.

I do not want to date Ben.

Hey, you're not the
first girl to say that.

Oh, my god. Just go already.

Gladly. I'll get in through the roof.

Oh, Ben, come on. Are
you... Look at the sunset!

(sighs)

First dates are always a little awkward.

Bonnie: Emma!

Emma, sweetie.

Hi!

Hey, honey, listen. We need
to get out of here in a hurry

because I do not
want to run into...

Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.

Oh, Tucker. Hi.

Oh! Listen,

wasn't it crazy

how Tim picked Danny all on his own

without any suggestion
from me whatsoever?

Yeah. Crazy is a good word.

Yeah.

But you know what? I'm fine,

and I am genuinely happy for Danny.

You are?

Yeah, it's not his fault, right?

And you know Danny, he felt horrible.

- Mm-hmm.
- We had a heart-to-heart

and he even offered to walk away.

So...

I just want to tell you

no hard feelings.

Thank you, Tucker.

- Do you think we should trust him?
- Yes.

(scoffs) You always
see the best in people.

(groans)

Hey, Riley, just letting you
know this elevator's going down,

no matter how much you
try to manipulate it.

Ben, I'm sorry, okay.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about
Sam. It just slipped my mind.

- And you hate her.
- Yeah, there's that.

You honestly have no feelings for Zoey?

Okay, I guess when I saw her on
the fire escape the other night...

Yes, I knew it! You do, I was right.

But calm down.

You're forgetting
something very important.

She's not into me.

- (elevator dings)
- You don't know that.

Well, I do now.

- Riley, hey!
- Hey.

Look who I ran into
in the lobby yesterday.

Your Zoey who's now my Zoey.

We just went to lunch.

So, I'll see you later,

and I'll see you at work.

Can I tell people we're friends?

Ugh. I'd say yes, but that kind of goes
against what I've been telling people.

Wait, so do you actually
like Rick more than Ben?

- His name is Roger...
- Right.

And you supposedly
set me up with him.

But I don't know what
I think about him yet.

It's probably nothing.

Yeah. That was really the
vibe I was getting too.

And we'll be bringing you
more on that story later.

Developing at this hour...

Hey there, Tim-bo.

You ready for a little
weather man magic?

Aw, he'll be great. As long as he
doesn't do what our last weather man did.

- What's that?
- He died.

Oh, god.

Yeah.

- Massive heart attack.
- Oh, my...

- Live on the six o'clock news.
- (Gasps)

Then again, it was the
best ratings we ever had.

Oh.

So, I think our boy is ready to go.

Oh, yeah?

He's a little nervous, but
I walked him through it.

I also jazzed up his
weather report a little bit.

What do you mean you
"jazzed" it up a little bit?

And now a special treat,

weekend weather with New York
Ranger Danny Wheeler. Danny?

Hey, I'm Danny Wheeler,

bringing you weather
in a whole new light.

Today's forecast calls for rain

but hey, look on the bright side,

I always do.

You better hope he has a heart attack.

And I predict the sun ain't
gonna be coming out tomorrow.

Okay, new development, Zoey hates Roger.

I might be paraphrasing, but
that's... Oh, where are you going?

Going camping.

I called Sam with a work problem,

and she mentioned they got rained out,

and she's coming home early, so I'm surprising
her by taking her camping on the roof

to make her feel better.

Pretty romantic, right?

Oh, my god, that is so just...

Yeah, that is pretty romantic.

- No, but...
- Dammit, Riley!

No matter what you say,
I'm pitching a tent for Sam.

(quietly) Hey, Ben,
you forgot your phone.

(clears throat) Okay.

(clears throat)

(deep voice) Hey, Sam.

Sorry your trip got canceled, bummer.

But Riley has an uncle with
a place on the Jersey Shore.

Wanna use it? Yeah,
she said it was cool.

(normal voice) P.S. In the future,

you should always come to
me with any work questions.

Not Danny.

He has a girlfriend.

A super cute, funny, sweet girlfriend.

So...

Hey, what's...

You have got to stop.

I just got off the phone with
Sam, and I know what you did.

I don't know...

No. No, no, no, Riley.
Riley, we're done. Okay?

I have been in love
with Sam since I was 14.

That sound familiar?

And I just want to see if
maybe there's something there.

Please?

If I can get used to the idea
of you being with my brother,

then you can get used to the
idea of me being with Sam.

You're right.

You're right, I'm sorry.

And here. You're taking Emma tonight.

Since I spent all day setting up a
campsite, I'm actually gonna go use it.

Sometimes a man just needs to
go out in nature and be alone.

(elevator dings)

- Riley! Just who I was looking for.
- Hey.

I have this date with Roger tonight
and my babysitter just canceled.

So I was kind
of wondering...

- Sure.
- Awesome.

You are a lifesaver.

Hunter's had this little
cough, but he should be fine.

Thank you.

No problem.

Not like I had anything better to do.

I didn't have anything better to do.

Tucker, what the hell is wrong with you?

I can't believe that you
would do that to Danny.

Wh... Tucker! You're the one that made me
get this stupid job in the first place.

I wanted to be a sportscaster,
not a weather man.

And I told you that I'd give up the
job. Why didn't you let me do that?

I don't know. I was all
hopped up on anger and revenge.

I worked on my audition for days.

Do you know how hard it is to find a
word that rhymes with precipitation?

Um, inspiration, imagination, innovation.
Ooh, three things you don't have.

I am so burning hot right now!

It might just be the outfit.

Danny,

we are blowing up on
social media right now.

Number one comment: What is
that idiot doing in a sun suit?

So yeah, we're not gonna do that again.

Second most popular comment: Why
isn't Danny Wheeler doing sports?

Really? So what does that mean?

It means I fired our sports guy.

Two weeks away from his retirement.

Sucks for him.

And I want you to start
guest hosting right away.

Oh, my god! Thank you!

This totally eclipses the
way I was feeling before.

Yeah, man, don't do that.

Hey, I guess your buddy
Tucker can do the weather.

He was far and away the best candidate.

I'll let him know he's got the job.

No. Wait. Let me do it.

I'd really like to return the favor.

Ow.

I should have known I'd find
you up here, ruining my night.

Which is ironic, because here
you are, ruining my night.

Is this Riley creating another reason
for us to "run" into each other?

No, I'm trying to have a date,

but it keeps being interrupted by
plaster falling from the ceiling

from all of your hammering.

Well, don't worry. That
hammering's about to stop,

because this hammering's about to start.

And what are you doing
with my tent, anyway?

It's not your tent, it's my tent.

Uh, no.

There's a Camp Winnetonka
sticker right here!

Yeah, where I went to
summer camp for three years.

So did I!

Stop doing that!

Oh, my god, Riley says
something's wrong with Hunter.

Yeah, I got the same thing.

Do you think this is her still
trying to get us together?

Obviously.

We should probably go.

(Hunter coughing)

What's wrong?

He keeps coughing. I think
he's having trouble breathing.

Okay, sweetie. Mommy's here.

Oh, my god, what do I do?

He's gonna be okay, I went
through this with Emma.

- What's wrong with him?
- Don't worry, I got this.

Zoey, take Hunter into the bathroom and
turn on the shower as hot as it will go.

Riley, go to my room, grab some towels.

I'll make sure the window
and door are sealed. Let's go!

I'm just saying

if getting the weather job
was that important to you,

you probably should have said something.

Oh! Oh, you mean like when
I told you how important

getting the weather job was to me!

Guys, you're not gonna believe it!

I got the sports gig,

which kinda means that
there's an opening in weather.

And I told Tim that there's
only one person for the job.

Me? Is it me?

- It is.
- Yes!

And he thinks you need a sexy sidekick.

Me? Is it me?

It is, but there's kind of a catch.

- ♪ I'm thunder ♪
- ♪ I'm lightning ♪

♪ And this weather's exciting ♪

♪ Clear skies for tonight ♪

♪ But tomorrow's sun
is nice and bright ♪

♪ No chance of snow
or sleet or rain ♪

♪ But now you'll see a hurricane ♪

Boo!

Tucker insisted.

Fine.

The cloud can stay but
the lightning better bolt.

Oh, my god, now I'm doing it.

♪ We're chilling
like it's 10 below ♪

♪ We're breaking down
this weather show ♪

♪ It's "D" for Dobbs,
the name to trust ♪

♪ Tonight you'll feel
a slight wind gust ♪

♪ This weather's great
this time of year ♪

♪ But we will make it rain in here ♪

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

What?

(water running)

See, he just needed some
steam to open up his lungs.

He's gonna be fine, aren't you, buddy?

Oh, my god, he's smiling.

(chuckles) Yeah.

He smiles like you.

Thank you, Ben.

You were amazing.

No, it was nothing.

I'm just glad I could help.

Honestly, I don't know what
I would have done without you.

Yes! I was right!

New York keeps their
playoff hopes alive.

Tune in next week for more

scores and highlights,
right here on WNY-8 news.

Thanks, Danny. Next
up, traffic with Agnes.

Mom!

Yeah, Agnes had a little accident...

which is actually our top story.

But first, I'd like to start

with a brand new segment called...

Bonnie's Corner.

Now, I know what
you're thinking...

nobody puts Bonnie in the corner!