Baby Daddy (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 10 - Something Borrowed, Something Ben - full transcript

( Theme music playing )

( Sighs )

I can't believe this day
is finally here.

We are walking
down the aisle

in less than
24 hours.

Which gives you less than
23 hours to remember

you're not the bride.

I know,

but Katie picked me to be her
maid of honor for a reason.

I figured it was because she
didn't have any other friends.

( Scoffs )



No.

Well, not a lot,

but she knew I would
get the job done.

Okay.

And you are doing
such an awesome job

shoving hundreds of almonds
into little girly bags.

Oh, wait.
These are my hands.

Hey, I love a wedding,
okay.

There's just
something so emotional.

Oh.

When the ladies start
throwing themselves at me.

( Laughs )

Hey, hey. If history
is any indication,

they will be lining up
for a second helping



from the Tucker buffet.

You know what
I'm saying? Okay.

Huh?

What do you think?

Riley: Danny?

What are you doing?

Breaking it in.

Still kind of smells
like the last guy who wore it.

Danny, no.

I told you to get
something classy.

Don't worry.
I'm gonna wear a shirt.

It's even got ruffles.

( Groans )

Hey, maidzilla.

We're all doing the best
that we can here, okay?

All right, done.

Thank you.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, actually
that was my best.

One other quick thing
while you have a moment,

is there any way you can put
me and Gene at the same table?

Gene?

Pig in the girls'
locker room Gene?

Chili powder
in my jock strap Gene?

Barf in my begonias Gene?

Yeah. That Gene.

No, no way.
He was not invited.

I know. I thought
that was weird, too.

So he's my plus one.

I thought I was
your plus one?

You can be Danny's
plus one.

Why does he
have to be mine?

I was gonna get
the beef and the chicken.

All right, listen.
No one is getting a plus one.

Oh, well then I am done
tying these little pink bows.

I will come up with something
a little more threatening

in a moment.

You can come.

But Gene cannot.

Ben, this is supposed to be
a dignified and classy affair.

- All right, there.
- Ow!

Bride down,
people.

Bride down.

And it will
be classy.

Gene's changed a lot
since high school.

We all have.

( Chuckles )

Give him a chance, please?

Ugh. Fine.

But I am warning you,
if that guy even--

( cell phone ringing )

Hello?
Hi, this is Riley.

What?

No, you can't!

But the wedding is tomorrow.

Oh my God,
it's the caterer.

They're canceling.

Uh, listen.

I am practically
a lawyer,

and if you are not
there tomorrow

with 500 salmon croquettes,
I will sue--

What? Sue me?

Gene.

Both: Gotcha!

( Laughing )

All: God, I hate
that guy.

( Theme music playing )

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ can take your life
and change directions. ♪

I still can't believe you
invited Gene to the wedding.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking
it would be fun

to invite somebody
who was actually...

Fun.

Just please tell me
you have everything all set up

for tonight's
rehearsal dinner?

We're good. I just
need to get some ice.

And some liquor.

And maybe some cups.

Ben, ugh.
What is your problem?

I don't know,
I'm sorry.

It just feels like
they're rushing into it.

They've been dating
since they were 11.

Doesn't that
freak you out a little?

We're the same age.

Oh, well, we all know
how traditional you are.

Hey, how's your baby?

So, Riley.

Too bad you waited
until after high school

to get hot.

Otherwise, it would
have been you and me

instead of you
and my boy Ben here.

Oh, me and Riley?

No, no, no, no.
We're just friends.

Yeah, me and Ben
together?

That would be crazy.

Oh, so you're
available?

And once again,
I've shown up to the party

just in time.

And once again,
you are not invited.

So, Wheeler...

What's our back-story
for the ladies tonight?

We Wall Street moguls
or brain surgeons?

What about this--

I'm a brain surgeon,

and you're
a Wall Street mogul

whose life
I just saved.

Thank you, doctor.

I'm eternally grateful.

( Both laughing )

Can you believe it?

Aah! I am actually
getting married.

I know.

But if I could just
get a few minutes

of your undivided
attention

to go over some of these
last minute details--

- I am all yours.
- Great.

- So, first off, we have--
- ( Cell phone vibrates )

( Gasps )
It's from Dave!

He misses me. Smiley face,
smiley face, heart.

Aww. That's
adorable, Katie.

But he's right there.

Getting his coffee.

Isn't he just
the sweetest?

Oh, I just
love him.

Yeah.
Don't we all.

So, anyway,
as I was saying--

Did you know that today
is our 4,643rd day as a couple?

We've never been apart.

Yeah. I remember some very
awkward slumber parties.

Every time I think about
the day we met,

I just get goosebumps
all over again.

Oh, look!

We're just never gonna
get through this, are we?

And now, the most
important part of a wedding,

the video.

Which Katie asked me to do,
so suck it, Riley.

Hi, Katie.

Hey, Mom. Come on,
I thought you wanted to get us

carrying the cake in.

Yeah, and make sure
you get my good side.

Well, actually
that should be easy

because, you know,
both of my sides are good.

( Chuckles )

Where is the focus
on this thing?

You know, I haven't
used this camera

since your father and I
tried to make a sex tape.

Mom! Where are we
going with this?

Well, we were just trying
to spice things up a little.

No, Mom.
The cake.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.
All right.

All right,
I will guide you in,

- all right?
- Watch the end.

- All right.
- Watch the ottoman.

Just another
couple of feet.

Almost there,
we got this.

- My biceps are gonna look great.
- All right, here we go.

Oh, this looks
so great.

Bonnie: One, two...

- You're good.
- Okay.

Oh!

The depth perception
in this thing

is horrible.

What a warm and loving
tribute to your granddaughter.

She will be so touched.

Probably more touched if
I'd touched the on button.

Hey, Tucker.

( Chuckles )

So, it looks like
these two crazy kids

are really gonna
do it, huh?

You know, it just
makes me feel all...

Vulnerable.

I'm the bride.

Oh.

So I'm probably
wasting my time here?

Mm-hmm.

There's not a bridesmaids
holding area, is there?

You look cute.

Hey, Danny.

I just came to check on--

where's the cake?

The cake.

It's in the walk-in fridge
down at the bar.

Wow. That was
a really good idea.

Actually, that would have been
a really good idea.

What is this
doing here?

Oh, Emma wanted
to play with it.

Argh.

Aww.

They always look
so perfect together

on top of the cake.

You're gonna be a
beautiful bride someday.

Thank you.

Still imagining yourself
up at the altar with Ben?

( Scoffs ) Ben?

No, I don't
think so.

That was
just a crush.

Well, someday
you'll find a guy

who truly
appreciates you.

A guy who can
look into your heart

and know what
you're thinking.

Yeah, okay.

That would be nice.

Someday, my heart

should probably
get back upstairs.

You know, party.

Are you gonna come up?

Yeah, in a minute.

Okay.

( Door opens, closes )

Oh.

You know, Katie,
it's still not too late

to shop around.

How would you like to take a
ride on the Gene machine?

And that's
the dating pool.

You got out
just in time.

All right, woo!

Two minutes
to midnight.

Dave, no seeing the bride
on the wedding day.

All right,
let's move.

I love you,
Katie cat.

I love you more,
Davey bear.

Aw, now you have
a whole night apart

to think of
new nicknames!

Okay, Wheeler.

After hours bar,

strip club,

or after hours
strip club?

Why limit ourselves?

- ( Laughing )
- I don't know.

Ben?
Wedding priorities?

Tomorrow's
a big day.

Wow.

Who opened a bag
of "wah."

Can you please
at least make sure

Katie gets a cab
back to her hotel?

Yes, I'll make sure
the bride gets home safe.

And relax,

I think I can
handle myself.

Ben: ( Groans )

Oh, my head.

( Sighs )

Mmm... Davey bear

don't you want to snuggle
with your Katie cat?

It's actually
your Ben...

Bunny.

( Screams )

Ben, what are you
doing in my bed?

Wondering what you're
doing in my bed.

But how did I--

wait, did we--?
Wait, what happened?!

I was hoping you could
fill in some of those details.

What am I gonna do?

This is supposed to be
the happiest day of my life.

Aah!

Deep breath.
Deep quiet breath.

Okay, we'll get you
out of here.

It'll be our secret.
No one else will ever know.

Morning.

- ( Screaming )
- Oh, God, no!

Okay, maybe just
one other person will know.

What is the matter
with you?

I don't have
a mother who knocks.

She is getting married
in three hours.

I know. You have to
help me get her out of here.

( Sighs )
Fine.

But I'm not
doing this for you.

I'm doing this for dear, sweet,
lovable, innocent Katie.

Who will now
just be known as

Katie.

Be ready to move
in two.

Judging from
this splatter pattern,

I detect that this
is the bottom layer.

Hey, Nancy Drew...

Change of plans.

You've got to
get out of here now.

Oh, no.
Not happening.

I've got a cake to build,
a tuxedo to wear,

and a dance floor
to dominate.

Okay.

Whoo.
Yep, uh-huh.

Okay, now where
is that top tier?

Any chance that's it?

What?

Yes, that's it.
What is wrong with you?

I was hungry.

And I like cake.

I just won't
have a piece later.

What?! Right now?

You're in the lobby?

Guys, it's Riley.

She's on
her way up.

Go, go.
Cake, cake, cake.

( Murmurs )

( Knocking on door )

Congratulations
on your big day.

You should still
wear white. I did.

Hey, Margo.

Is there any chance
Katie's in your room?

What?

No, of course she's here.

Stop calling me.
I'm very busy. Bye.

( Phone beeps )

Oh my God. Katie.

We are walking down the aisle
in less than three hours

and you look like
you slept in a dumpster.

I mean...

How are you?

I don't think
I can do it.

I don't know
if I can get married.

Katie,
what happened?

Are you determined
to destroy this wedding?

Honestly, Ben.
You are unbelievable.

Yeah. Sometimes
I surprise even myself.

But if our blabbity bride
would shut up,

this whole problem
would go away.

It's not going away.

She's thinking of
calling off the wedding.

Really?
Because of me?

No, because she's running
away with the circus.

Yes, because of you.

God, these are
people's lives

that you're
messing with, Ben.

- So what should I do?
- I don't know.

But you are
gonna fix this.

Are we clear?

Very.

( Sighs )

- Oh, you mean now? Okay...
- Oh my God.

( Knocking on door )

You.

Yo, Katie.

I just wanted
to check in

and make sure you weren't
having any second thoughts.

Second thoughts?

Oh, we're way past
second thoughts.

I don't know if
I can do this.

I don't know if I can
get married now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I sure hope it doesn't
have anything to do with me.

It has everything
to do with you!

Yeah, I've been
kind of hearing that.

( Sighs ) I thought
that I could do this.

And then I thought "oh my
God, I cannot do this."

And then I thought "nobody
needs to know what happened"

because I don't even
know what happened,"

and then I thought
"I will know,"

and then I thought
"oh my God my head hurts

from all my thoughts"!

Did you ever think you might
be overreacting just a titch?

Overreacting?

You think that
I'm overreacting?

Just throwing it
out there.

Because I don't.

I think I am reacting
exactly the way

you're supposed to react
when you wake up in bed

with some idiot
the morning of your wedding

to the most wonderful
man in the world.

I have been waiting
for this day

my entire life.

And you!
You-- you,

Ben Wheeler, have
stolen it from me!

Okay, now you're
making me feel bad.

Ben, what if
Dave finds out?

How can I ever
explain it to him?

It's gonna be okay.

I'm gonna leave this room, and we're
never gonna mention it again.

Okay?

Never happened.

Dave is never
gonna find out.

Dave: Katie?
( Knocks on door )

Are you there?

It's me, Dave.

Dave, you're not supposed
to see me before the wedding.

Dave: But we
need to talk.

I got a text saying
I should ask you about Ben.

I thought you said
you didn't tell anyone.

I didn't.

I don't think.

Still a little fuzzy
on the whole

last night thing.

Dave, you have to
believe me.

I, uh--

Oh, you look so cute
in your tux.

What happened
between you and Ben?

Nothing, I swear.

I don't even know what
you're talking about.

Oh, that's what
I like to see.

Our two lovebirds
are back together

and our wedding
is back on.

When was it off?

Never.

You know, that's
just an expression.

Like "break a leg"
or "have a nice day."

What does that
even mean?

All right,
run along now.

You sure
everything's okay?

I'm sure.

Okay, all right.

See, there, I knew
you would come to your senses.

Whatever happened
between you and Ben

was just a dirty rest stop on your
way down the happiness highway.

Excuse me, Riley.
I was haling this.

- Ben?
- I can't do it.

The wedding is
officially off.

You know, we were doing
fine until you showed up.

Pretty impressive,
huh, Emma?

Don't tell anyone,
but levels two and three

are completely
made of cardboard

and toothpaste.

Hey, Mrs. Whee.

Oh.

Hey, mom.
What do you think?

I think we should
get a move on

while my hair
is still up

and my dress shields
are still dry.

Where's your brother?

We're gonna be late
for this wedding.

If it's even
actually happening.

It better be.

Look, I have narrowed down
my list of eligible ladies

to an elite eight.

Do not deny them
Tucker in a tux.

Wait, why wouldn't it
be happening?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe a little thing called
"Ben slept with the bride."

Ben slept with the bride?

That is so wrong.

I totally
hit on her first.

Ben would never
do that.

Come on,
back me up, Mom.

Oh, Ben is guilty
as sin.

You should see
the video.

Tucker and Danny: What?

The question is...

How did you know, Gene?

Oh, I have my ways.

Oh, and so do I.

- Tucker?
- Huh?

- Hold my earrings.
- I got you, girl.

Katie, please
come out.

Just put on the dress.
You'll feel better.

I know I did
when I had it on.

Probably not important
right now.

Don't you get it?

I have never lied
to Dave before, ever.

If I can lie this easily
to my future husband,

then maybe you and Gene
were right.

Maybe I'm not ready
to get married.

Okay, first lesson.
Never listen to Ben and Gene.

Katie, you have to
marry Dave.

Sometimes
Ben's okay.

And why should I?

So you can
stop feeling guilty?

No.

Because you're truly
meant to be together.

You love him
and he loves you.

You have since the moment
you set eyes on each other.

I was just being a jerk
because...

I'm jealous.

Of me and Dave?

Who isn't?

You have what
everybody wants.

A true love,
a soul mate,

a best friend,
all rolled into one.

The rest of us are just
running around like idiots

hoping for even half
of what you have.

I just wish that...

One day, I'll look up
at a girl and just...

Know.

Say yes.
You have to say yes.

Yes.

Yes, thank you.

All right, let's move.

We've got a wedding
to put on here, people.

( Knocking on door )

What are you guys
all doing here?

Making a few
deliveries.

Tux, cake,
and dirt bag.

Wait, where's Emma?

Bridesmaids
holding area.

Hold up. What?
That's a real thing?

What is going on?
That is not the cake I ordered.

Okay, mister.

You're up.

Gene, what did you do?

Last night after
you both passed out

in separate rooms,

I kind of put you and
Katie in bed together.

( Chuckles )

Gotcha!

All: What?!

So we didn't--?

Nope.

Let me handle this.

Now I gotcha.

Oh, of all the times
not to be rolling.

Okay, is there any chance
that you could do this again?

All right,
we can do this here.

Hey.

Hey.

So, what'd you think?

I think you did
a pretty amazing job.

We did
a pretty amazing job.

Okay, me.

( Chuckles )

Did you
have fun tonight?

I actually did.

My only regret,

I didn't get to dance
with the maid of honor.

Well, the night
isn't over yet.

Did you mean everything
you said to Katie?

I did.

Do you ever think we'll find
that special someone?

I'd like to think so.

Riley: You know, a wise man
once told me

that someday you'll
meet someone

and they'll look
right into your heart.

We should probably
get back, huh?

What's the hurry?

( Chuckling )

Woo.

I just never imagined
this happening so soon.

But I guess when two people have
known each other their whole lives,

it just becomes
inevitable.

I know it feels fast,

but when it's right,
it's right.

Okay.

Let's do this.

Tucker: By the power
vested in me,

I now pronounce you

giraffe and wife.

( Cheering )

You may now
drool on the groom.

Tall, dark,
and machine washable--

well done, Emma.

All right, that's
one Wheeler down.

Who's next?