Baby Daddy (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 10 - Test Anxiety - full transcript

Okay, ten more seconds.

I don't know. Oh, man with a
trench coat? A man taking pictures?

It's a movie!

No talking!

I don't know. Give me
another clue or something.

- Oh, ooh, ooh!
- Time!

"Flashdance!"

Oh, of course. Now I...

no, I still don't get it. I'm sorry.

Okay, okay. Time for the lightning round.

Mom. Tucker.



- Oh, yeah.
- Let's go.

Ow.

Okay, name as many of these
movies as you can in 20 seconds.

Stretch it out, baby. Stretch it out.

- Got it.
- Me and you.

- All right. Baby, please.
- Stretch it out.

Mrs. Wheeler, I'm in your brain here.

Okay...

- Go!
- Here we go.

"Hakuna matata." "The Lion King."

Yes!

"Nobody puts baby in the corner."

"Dirty Dancing."

Yes!



"A dingo ate my baby."

"A Cry in the Dark."

Yes, five seconds.

Five seconds.

"Hasta la vista, baby."

"Terminator 2"

- No!
- Yes!

That is time!

Okay, now as we pause
for a brief snack update,

the current score is mom and Tucker with

197.

And Danny and Amy with 3.

Ooh.

- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, yeah.

Just be glad that Riley isn't here.

She and I are amazing together.

At games. Just games.

It's okay, I get it.

Lifelong friends. You know, besties.

I do often discuss it with my colleagues,

but I get it.

So where is she?

Oh, she's getting one last cram session in

before she finally takes
the bar exam tomorrow.

I cannot believe our little Riley

is finally gonna be a real lawyer,

which is good because I've got
a ton of people I want to sue.

Hey, we should throw her
a party tomorrow night

or at least throw ourselves
a party and invite her.

We actually can't do tomorrow night.

We're meeting my dad for dinner

so Danny can try and win him over.

I already met your dad.

He loves me.

Love is very strong word.

Well, he at least likes me, right?

We're busy tomorrow night.

Okay, and we're back.

Amy, I believe you're up.

Oh, oh.

Okay, I got this.

Oh, oh, "Message in a Bottle."

No no, "Eat, Pray, Love."

"The Breakfast Club!"

No, I was just feeding my
baby, but good guesses though.

No no.

That is not how it went down.

I owned you. Admit it.

- I'm the man.
- There is no way, okay.

You are not the man. I am the man.

Don't do that.

Okay, so maybe you are the man.

Sorry, it's just...

it's been a day.

Oh, and I dropped my purse in there twice.

So if you find a really
expensive moisturizer

on the floor next to the toilet,

it's yours.

So you're finished taking the bar.

How did it go?

Who am I kidding? It's you.

You nailed it!

Um, do you know when Danny will be home?

Uh, no. He's with Amy and her dad.

Wait, why are you looking for Danny?

Oh, um, no reason.

I just wanted to talk
to him about something.

About what? About the test?

Why won't you talk to me about the test?

Clearly, I'm interested.

Please notice how many times I've asked.

No offense, it's just something
I'd rather talk to him about.

How is that not offensive?

Because we have a different
kind of friendship.

Hey, I can be a different kind of friend.

What are you looking
for? Supportive? Playful?

Dangerous?

Tucker,

tell her how great of a friend I am.

Yeah, Ben's a great friend.

On the friend scale, I'd
give him like a seven...

out of seven.

See?

Why won't you tell me what's going on?

God, because nothing is going on.

Okay? I swear.

Just tell Danny I stopped by.

Call me crazy,

but I don't think Riley wants to talk to me

about the test.

She seemed really upset.

I don't think she did as
well as you think she did.

Tucker, Riley's never messed up

on anything in her life.

Trust me, there is no way

she failed that test.

Well, maybe she failed a different test.

Unless this is your home pregnancy kit.

I can't believe your dad doesn't like me.

You'll be fine. Just be yourself.

But if you could like sit up straight,

and use a few big words,

and look him right in the eye when you talk

that would be great.

Oh, here he comes.

- Daddy.
- Princess.

Hi.

You remember Danny my boy...

very good... say hi, Danny.

Professor Shaw, enjoying your stay so far?

I'll tell you after dinner.

Okay.

So why don't I get my boys a drink?

My dad here is kind of a beer snob.

You two can sit down and get to
know each other a little better.

Daddy, be nice.

So, sir.

Read any good literature lately?

Please notice I didn't say "book"

because that only has four letters.

Look, Wheeler, let's get one thing clear.

I don't want you dating my daughter.

Why not?

Oh, come on. Hockey?

What is that?

Oh, it's a game.

There's six players on each side.

It's kind of like soccer, but on ice.

I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

Okay, I'm gonna keep this very simple,

which is seemingly necessary.

Stay away from Amy.

She doesn't need some ice jockey

who's gonna be gone at
the first sign of trouble.

I want you out of her life
before I leave on Sunday.

So...

How's everything going?

Wonderful. Couldn't be better.

Well, maybe a little better.

I've got good news.

I'm not pregnant.

Tucker...

What? Dude, I have always wanted

to try one of these things.

Dude, but I got to tell you

hitting the stick is not that easy.

I can't believe Riley might be pregnant.

I can't believe this thing
doesn't come with a cup.

You know, and then you could just dip.

Tucker!

I'm serious.

And why won't she talk to me about it?

I should be her go-to guy on this.

I'm the one with the baby, not Danny.

Let's face it, Ben.

Sensitive is not the first
thing women say about you.

Not if I do it right.

Dude,

there is a reason why Riley
doesn't want to talk to you.

I mean Danny wouldn't be sitting out here

wondering why she doesn't
think he's a good friend.

What would he be doing?

He'd be over there right
now being a good friend.

Danny's awesome, isn't he?

Oh, I should go over
there and be a good friend?

Good idea, tuck.

Ben, what are you doing here?

Just being a sensitive
and supportive friend.

So is there anything I can
sensitively support you on?

Yeah, do you think you could help me

with my friend Ben

because he's acting like a crazy person?

Riley, I know about the test.

You do?

Look, I understand why you don't want

to tell anyone.

But trust me, you don't want
to go through this alone.

You're right.

Thank you.

Okay.

That wasn't so hard.

So should we sit down? Maybe make some tea?

I'm not quite sure how this works.

Uh,

I'm devastated.

So you get the results?

Well, I failed.

I never know if that
actually means yes or a no.

Ben, I never even took the test.

Wait, then how do you know you're pregnant?

Pregnant?!

Why would I be pregnant?

Well, I assumed it involved alcohol

and some poor judgment,

but maybe that's just my story.

Ben, I'm not pregnant.

I failed the bar.

That's it?

You failed the bar? That's your big secret?

Why don't you just take it again?

I have taken it again.

I've taken it three times.

Wow.

Does Danny know?

No.

I haven't told anyone.

So then technically I know four
things that Danny doesn't know.

I'm sorry, you were saying?

Ben, it's over.

The first time, I choked.

And I nearly passed out the second time.

And this time I just... I just walked out.

I panicked.

Wait, I'm confused.

What is there to be confused about?

I'm a failure.

No, I get that.

If you're not pregnant,

then who is?

You're pregnant?!

I am so sorry.

I did not want you to find out this way.

Really?

Because finding my son's girlfriend

crawling around the bathroom floor

crying "where is it? Where is it?"

Seems like the perfect
way for me to find out

I'm gonna be a grandmother again!

I, mean... oh. My God.

If I can lose a little
cardboard box that easily,

what am I gonna do with a kid?

All right, calm down.

Just calm down, okay?

Fortunately you came to the right person.

I'm an expert at unplanned pregnancies.

The first thing we need to do

is get you another test.

I know. I've been trying,
but my dad is in town.

And you know, taking him to the pharmacy

to buy a pregnancy test

isn't exactly father-daughter bonding.

Dads don't really seem
to have a sense of humor

about those kind of things.

So does Danny know?

Oh, my God, no. No no no.

I don't want him to know until I know.

Promise me you're not gonna

say anything about this to him.

Hey, ladies!

What's up?

Danny, what are you doing here?

I live here.

Honey, would you do your mom a favor?

Could you move my car for me?

Sure.

I'll be right back, babe.

He'll be gone for a while.

My car's in the shop.

Oh, my God. Babe? Babe?

Did you hear that? He called me babe.

Because he never calls me babe.

Oh, my God, he knows.

Men never know.

Danny's dad didn't find out

until halfway through the
sonogram when he asked,

"What's this movie about again?"

Riley, I promise you.

It's not as bad as you think it is.

Oh, um, actually, it's worse.

I got fired.

Why would they do that?

Oh, right, it's a law firm.

They probably want someone who
knows something about the law.

And I think we're done talking.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to get ready for work.

Wait.

I thought you said you got fired from work.

Uh, I did, but I still
have to pay the rent.

So if you're not gonna be a lawyer,

what are you gonna do?

I have no idea.

I'm still figuring that part out.

All I know is I fought
the law and the law won.

Great. Now that song's gonna be stuck

in my head all day.

Now, I just want to do something stupid

and mindless, you know?

Where I can just like totally blend in.

So you're gonna start your
own hot chocolate factory?

No.

I'm a beer wench at the new Biergarten.

I mean it's not the law,

but, you know, at least it's dignified.

Hey, ma.

Danny, hi. Hi.

What are you doing here?

Um, can I talk to you about Amy?

Oh, my God, yes!

Oh, gosh, I'm so glad that she told you.

Told me what?

That her father hates me?!

Yes!

I've just never had this problem before.

Fathers love me.

It's Ben they usually can't stand.

Well, you might have more
in common with your brother

than you think, Danny. You know what?

Just take him out for a beer.

Have a real dad-to-da...

man-to-man talk with him.

You know what?

You're right. Thanks, mom.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, and uh,

if I ever have a son,

I'm definitely sending
him to you for advice.

First thing we're gonna talk about is

how to put on a condom.

Hey, mom, what's going on?

Nothing. Not a thing.

What's new with you?

Has anyone ever told you something

and you swore not to tell anyone else,

but you just so really
need to tell somebody else?

Oh, you have no idea!

Wait.

Wait, Ben, did somebody trust you

with something personal and private?

Maybe.

If you tell me,

I'll tell you something
of equal or greater value.

No, I can't. I can't.

But maybe if you guess...

How many words?

Four.

Two. Okay, go.

I don't know what you're doing.

Well, I don't know what you're doing.

- Pay attention.
- You pay attention!

Riley failed the bar and Amy's pregnant!

Yes!

What do you mean "Amy's pregnant"?

I just don't know why she wouldn't tell me.

I mean, I can handle it.

You know there was half
a sandwich in that bag

when you started, right?

Oh, my God, I'm supposed to meet Amy's dad.

What am I supposed to tell him?

Okay, honey, don't worry.

I'll handle Amy. I'll let you know

the minute I hear anything.

Okay, you'll do great.

I'm just saying... okay.

Now I think I've been real cool

because I let one baby move in.

Right?

But if y'all got another one on the way,

I am so getting that cat.

Okay, what is with you boys?

Two grand-babies out of wedlock?!

I mean, people are gonna start
calling me old and trashy.

And who wants to be old?

Okay, everyone needs to calm down.

Just because Danny and Amy made a mistake

doesn't mean their lives are over.

I mean, look at Emma.

Some people... including at
least one mother in this room...

thought I shouldn't even keep her,

but she's turned out
to be the greatest thing

that's ever happened to me.

Honey, I don't think an unplanned child

is the inspirational story you think it is.

Maybe not for Danny and Amy,

but maybe for Riley.

Wait, Riley's pregnant too?!

What, did you all make some sort of pact?!

So you really thought this
was the best place to meet?

Sir, I'm not really sure what to say here.

I just wish that you could understand

that Amy really is the only girl for me.

Welcome to brat's and biers

where the bratwursts are the brat-best.

They make me say that.

Riley?

Danny? What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Well, you'd know if you weren't so busy

trying to impress Amy's
stick-in-the-mud dad.

That's him right there, isn't it?

Sorry.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go sing Happy Gluckwunscht

to someone at table eight.

So...

Any chance we could
ignore what just happened

and get back to my plan to impress you?

I'm gonna go with no.

- Oh, Danny, hey.
- Ben, kind of

in the middle of something here.

Oh, you must be Amy's dad.

For the record, we make really cute babies.

Isn't this place amazing?

I mean free hats, beer, giant pretzels!

Is that an oompah band?

Don't wait up.

Have you seen Riley? Oh, there she is.

Thanks.

Any chance we could ignore that too.

Still no.

Fraulein.

Ben,

what are you doing here?

I just wanted to tell you
I'm not gonna let you do it.

Riley, this isn't you.

I'm not gonna let you throw your life away.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I just know that I can't go back in there

and take that test again.

But you have to.

You have to face your fears.

I mean, look at me.

My biggest fear was becoming a daddy.

And now I can't imagine being anything but.

I don't know.

What if I mess up again?

Then you'll take it again.

Being a lawyer is your dream.

I can't talk about this right now.

Riley, come on.

Uh, excuse me.

Can I just have everyone's
attention for a second.

It's just like riding a bike, man.

I knew those lessons would come in handy.

I just need to take a quick survey.

Who here has failed at something?

Well,

clearly some of you are
failing at being honest.

Come on, guys,

I'm trying to help out a friend here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now who here has ever had a
dream that they gave up on?

And who here regrets
not pursuing that dream?

I'm sorry, I'm living my dream right now.

I am so sorry.

Shh.

Everybody screws up.

It's what you do about it that counts.

I mean, look at my brother

over there.

Sure, he might have
knocked up his girlfriend,

but you don't see him running away.

- Ben!
- Amy's pregnant?!

Oh, sorry, dude.

I thought that's what you
guys were talking about.

Thank you for your time.

Tucker, take it away.

Eins, zwei, drei, vier...

Thank you.

I should have known.

See, this is exactly
what I was worried about

with a guy like you.

Stay away from Amy!

What's going on?

Amy, are you all right?

I just want you to know
that no matter what happens,

I'm here for you.

You're not in this alone.

We're truly in this together.

It's okay.

I'm not pregnant.

Oh, thank God!

Whoo!

Sorry, didn't mean to blurt that out,

but it's exactly what I was thinking.

Don't worry.

I was relieved too.

And it is really nice to know

that you would be there for me.

Always.

Thank you.

Daddy, I'm sorry.

I know you must be really disappointed.

Only in myself...

for ever doubting that you wouldn't be able

to pick out the right guy for you.

So you like me?

It ain't a no.

All right.

Ready for round two...

or four actually.

Not quite yet.

What's that?

It's your emergency don't-freak-out kit.

Tea to calm you down.

Espresso to wake you up.

A photo of Emma because, well,

who doesn't want a photo of Emma?

And last but not least,

note cards to remind
you how amazing you are.

You're amazing.

You're an incredible friend.

Thank you.

I just want you to know

that you have more than
one Wheeler in your corner.

I think I always knew that.

So on the friend scale, seriously,

- where would you put me?
- Oh, God.

And remember, it's out of seven.

I hear fourth time's a charm!

So, how do you thing you did?

- I don't know...
- Riley!

Ok, ok.

- Nailed it!
- Whoo! Yeah!

Welcome to Brat and Biers,

where our bratwurst is the brat-best.

I can't believe I get to say that.

Boys.