B Positive (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - A Dog, a Mousse and a Bat - full transcript

I'm gonna send this selfie
to a gentleman friend.

What do you think?

Wow. That's...

Wow.

Kudos to your plastic surgeon.

It's a team, actually,
but they're all great.

Who's your gentleman friend?

Spencer.I thought you guys had a fight.

He's an ignorant buffoon,

and I want him to see
what he's missing.

[laughs]



Are you sure you should be

sending a photo that...

[cell phone chimes]

[sputters]

Good morning.

Yeah, it is.

Hey, he's not bothering you,
is he?

We've been married so long,
I put up with him.

At least when I get my
belly rubbed, I say thank you.

How-how do you zoom in?

Oh, you just pinch and flick.

Thank you.

[clears throat]
I, uh,

I have a favor to ask.Oh, sure.



What's up?Me and Meredith

are celebrating
our anniversary.

It's 55 years.

Oh, wow, that is amazing.Yeah.

My record is three years,

but the guy was in a coma
for half of it.

You're joking, right?

Boy, I wish.

So, your anniversary?

Yes. Meredith always wanted
to go to Paris,

but we never did,
so I thought maybe we could

do a nice, fancy

French dinner tomorrow.

Aw. That is so sweet.

I could have Bert
plan a special menu,

and I could sing a
French song for you guys.

Hm.Like...

♪ Oh, la, la, la vie amor...

I didn't know you could sing.

I can dance, too.

Yeah.

Jazz hands.

Is it, is it, is it too much?

[stammers]Okay. Great.

Hey, Bert.Hey, boss.

Um, you think that you could
cook a fancy French dinner

for Harry and Meredith?

Can Steve Harrison
do 22 one-arm push-ups?

Who's Steve Harrison?

My buddy.
Guy's an animal.

Of course, it's easier for him.
He's only got the one arm.

Um, Bert,

this is really important.
Meredith is very sick,

and this could be

the last anniversary dinner
they have.

Uh, okay.

No worries. I got this.You sure?

Gina, have I ever let you down?

Many times.

All right, let me put this
a different way,

do you believe in me?

Eh...

Thank you.

I'll make my specialty,
escargot.

Great.

Ramon, go out
to the garden,

see if you can rustle up
some snails.

♪ The more you give ♪ The more you give♪

♪ The more you live ♪ The more you live♪

♪ Your happiness is relative ♪ Happiness♪

♪ And if you're feeling
like crap ♪

♪ It's time to face the fact

♪ It's your prerogative

♪ Your prerogative♪

♪ To be positive

♪ If we become ♪ If we become♪

♪ What we believe ♪ What we believe♪

♪ Then as ye think
ye shall receive ♪♪ As ye think♪

♪ So just let go of the past♪♪ So let go of the past

♪ Pull your head from your ass

♪ It's your prerogative

♪ Your prerogative♪

♪ To be positive.

[laptop rings]

Hey, Mr. Nomad,

how's your trip going?

Great, just great.

The freedom of the open road
is truly exhilarating.

Aw, I'm so glad.

How many miles have you
racked up so far?

Mm, let's see. 12.

Yeah, might stop

for a breakfast burrito,
might not.

Road warriors don't make plans.

Although, I do have a ticket

to visit Mount Vernon
Thursday at 4:00.

Oh, I'm happy for you.

Just do me a favor,

text me your location
every few hours, you know,

to help with the search.

Ha, ha. [chuckles]

So, how are things going over
there, good buddy? [chuckles]

Trucker lingo.

[knock on door]

Oh, come in.

We need to talk
about my surgery tomorrow.

Drew, I got to run,
but you be careful out there.

10-4.

[truck horn honks]Oh! Oh, uh...

Breaker, breaker, good buddy.
Keep an eye out for Smokey.

[laughs]

So, tomorrow,

I have to be
at the hospital...

9:00 a.m., I know.
It's in my calendar.

You're the reason
I'm doing this.

And you remember that when
you're able to run and play

with the other children.

I saw a hip replacement
surgery on YouTube.

They pretty much hang you
from the ceiling.

If you're trying to make me
jealous, it's working.

Cute.

I'm gonna need

a health care proxy
to make my decisions,

just in case.
I want it to be you.

Wouldn't your daughter
be a better choice?

In a perfect world, yes.

In this world,

she's in a poker tournament
at an Indian casino

outside of Bakersfield.

I'm sorry.

You've been more of a daughter
to me anyway.

Thank you.

Hey. Don't worry

about a thing.

I will be the first person
you see when you wake up.

Unless I don't wake up.

You're gonna wake up.

Don't tell me what to do.[laughs]

Hello, Instagram followers.

Welcome to all 42 of you.

This is night one
of my new travel vlog

"Near and Far with Drew Dunbar."

[laughs]

[faint scratching]Ah, you hear that?

It's as if nature is right here
in the van with me.

[scratching gets louder]

Wait, is something
here in the van with me?

[flashlight clicks]

See down here...

Aw.

Aw, look at that. It...

I think it's a baby bird.

Oh, hey there, little fella.

Oh! Oh, God, it's a bat!

It's a bat!

[screams]

It's on me, it's on me!
Oh, it's gonna fly in my mouth!

[screaming]

[whimpering]

Are you okay?What?

Are you okay?

[panting]

Yeah. No, I'm good.
Uh... There was a bat.

Big one.
Two, three-footer.

Basically a vicious
flying rat.

I didn't see anything.

'Cause I scared it off.

So, you're safe now.
[chuckles]

I'm Drew.

Hannah.

Yeah, nice to meet
you, Hannah.Yeah, you, too.

I'm in the Econoline
by the bathrooms

if you have
any more trouble.

Okay. Thanks.

[chuckles]

You know what, actually,

um...

I was thinking about having
a little bit of a nightcap.

Perhaps a White Russian
with almond milk?

How about tequila?

Mm, gives me acid reflux,

but, uh, what the heck,
I have a whole roll of Tums.

[laughs] #VanLife.

It's what we say.

[knock on door]It's open.

Okay, Cannoli,
it's time to go potty.

Potty? This thing
leaves behind a hot brick.

Harry, why don't you
take him?

It's cold outside.

Give me the leash.

Come on.
Come on, come on.

Please, God,
make it just be number one.

Come on, let's go. Come on.

All right, what's going on?

I have something for you.

It's in the drawer.

[gasps] Oh, yay.

A Bible.

And in large print.

There's a box in there.

Oh.

What is this?Just open it.

[gasps]

Oh, Meredith.

Oh, my goodness,
it's beautiful.

It was my mother's.
I want you to have it.

No, I-I can't.

Yes, you can.

You have been so good
to me and to Harry.

Meredith, oh,
I love this, but...

But what?

You want to wait
until I'm gone

so I can't get to see
that look on your face?

Thank you.

[gasps] Do me a favor,
don't tell Harry.

Why not?

[sighs]

He thinks I'm gonna
live forever.

Also, don't tell Gabby.

The last thing I need

is her fishing around
for earrings.

[chuckles]

Smooth.

[strained]: Yes.
Goes down nice and easy.

[chuckles]Oh, good, more.
[chuckles]

So, that's a pretty sweet ride
you got there.

Oh. Yes. Thank you.

I got a big thumbs up at
the Wendy's drive-through.

They were very cool about me
knocking down their sign.

[chuckles]
You crack me up.

[chuckles] Right.
Yeah, it's just being funny.

Definitely not something
that happened.

[grunts] So...

How long you been
living the van life?

A few years. You?

Oh, going on
four... Mm...

Five hours now.
[chuckles]

So, where you
headed to next?Um,

I'm thinking Pennsylvania.I think you mean

"Pennsyl-van-yeah."

Not drunk enough
to laugh at that one.

Let me top that off
for you.

Thanks.Yeah.

You know, I'm starting
to feel like

this trip was
the right choice.

To living in the
here and now.

Hm.
And making connections

along the way.

Yup. Right choice.

You want to give me
a tour of your van?

Ah...

Yes.

Morning, everybody.ALL: Morning, Gina.

Anybody seen Bert?

Try the Hidey Hole.

I'm sorry, the what?

The bar by the bus station.

It's 8:00 in the morning.

No clocks in the Hidey Hole.

Gabby, I need you

to take Norma to her surgery.

Why?I got to go find Bert

or this anniversary dinner
is screwed.

I meant why me?

NORMA:
Yeah, why her?

GINA:Norma,

I'm so sorry, but I
have got an emergency.

I'm an emergency.I know.

You promised you'd be there.

And I will be,
the moment you wake up.

So, I have to go
through this alone?

You have nothing
to worry about.

Gabby's gonna take
good care of you.

Look me in the eye and say that.

I'll get there,
I promise.

[groans]

Hannah?

Hannah?

Hannah.

♪

Set me up again, Stewie.

Ugh.

Bert.

How'd you find me?

Ramon.Who's that?

He works for you.

I don't think so.

Talk to me, Bert.
What is going on?

I can't do it. I can't make
the fancy French meal.

Sure you can.
You have to.

You don't think I tried?
I was in that kitchen

at the crack of dawn,
dicing onions,

clarifying butter.

Ask Ramon.
He was there.

Come back, please.

I will help you.

You can't help me.
No one can help me.

I'm a loser.Stop it.

Bert, I see greatness in you.

I have to squint,
but I can see it.

When I squint,
I only see my eyelashes.

Stop talking,

and just listen to me.
The last couple of weeks,

the food has gotten
so much better,

and do you know
what that tells me?

What?

That you can do anything
you put your mind to.

Why do you keep
believing in me?

Because everybody
deserves a...

[whispers]:
One, two, three, four...

[normal volume]:
Fifth chance.

Thank you.

Stewie, I'm gonna need
a cup of coffee

and a cigarette dipped
in crystal meth.

Coming at you.

No, no, no,
no, no.

Just the coffee,
Stewie.

Why can't we eat in our
own room? I'm tired.

Another time.
We need to be more social.

You, social?

When did that start?

♪

What is this?

Well, you always wanted
to go to Paris.

Well, tonight, we're in
the City of Lights.

[gasps]

Oh, my God.

This is...

Thank you.

Madame, Monsieur.
Le pooch.

S'il vous plaît.

I'm guessing
you had a hand in this.

Oh, it was all
this guy.

HARRY:
Ah, well...

Congrats on 55 years.

Thank you. [kisses]Mm.

I'm sorry I can't stay.

I have to get to
the hospital for Norma,

but have the best time.

Hang on.

Thank you.

Oh. Wow.

I helped, too.

Come here.

[chuckles]

Enjoy.

Here we go.

What happened to you?

I hit rock bottom.

Anyway,
your appetizer

is a salmon mousse.

That's mousse with a U,

not the Bullwinkle kind.

Looks delicious.BERT: Your entree

is a coq au vin,

which is a chicken
marinated in wine,

kind of like me.

Where did you order from?

I made it myself.

Go ahead,
take a bite.

[clears throat]

It's delicious.

It is?[chuckles] Yeah.

Ramon, we did it!

HARRY:
For real,

you made this?Yeah.

I actually went
to culinary school.

Mm.Then I met a special lady
who took my career

in a different direction.

Her name was cocaine.

You're ruining
the moment.

That's kind of my thing.

Bon appétit.

[clears throat] Oh, I...

got you something.

Ah.

I finally went
through that...

that box of old photos, yeah,

and put it together.Oh, Harry.

Yeah.Oh, this...
It's incredible.

Yeah.

It's our whole life.Yeah. Look at this.

My cowboy hat phase.
[laughs]

Remember when you
lost that hat?Oh, yeah.

You didn't lose it.

Oh, my gosh. [gasps]Yeah.

Our wedding.Yeah.

We were so young.

Yeah, that's

the day we brought Beth
home from the hospital.

Look how tiny she was.
[chuckles]Yeah.

[sighs] We've had...

such a wonderful
life together.

I'm so lucky I found you.

No.

I'm the lucky one.

[singing in French]

[honks horn]Move it, asshat!

[continues singing in French]

[siren chirps]Oh!

No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no!

Is something wrong, officer?

Do you know how fast
you were driving?

Honestly, no.

I'm on my way to the hospital.

A friend of mine is in surgery
and I have to get there.

Well, I'm sorry to
hear that, but you...

She's more of a mother, really.

A tiny, frail,

very, very old mother,

whose favorite show is...

is Blue Bloods.

All right, I'll let you off
with a warning this time.

Let me just run
your license.

Thank you.

Still got it, baby.

How was the anniversary dinner?

Well, it took
me 55 years,

but I think I finally
pulled off a good one.

Oh, that's great.

You know, one year,
my ex-wife and I...

Not your night, Jerry.

[Cannoli barking]

What the hell?

[barking]

Meredith!

Oh, my God.

Is everything okay?

Call 911.

Welcome to night two of
"Near and Far With Drew Dunbar."

If it feels like
I'm a little down,

it's 'cause I am.

Took one in the tighty-whities
last night.

Yup. Fell for the oldest con
in the world,

pretty girl who gets you drunk

and then doesn't make fun of you
for crying when you're done.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?GINA: Hey, it's me.

Oh, hey. Man, you are not

gonna believe what happened
to me last night.

Meredith's in the hospital.

What? What happened?

I don't know the details,
but it doesn't look good.

How's Harry?

I haven't talked to him yet.

You're not at the hospital?

I'm in jail.