Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 6 - President Cop - full transcript
♪ Well, I can't wait to... ♪
Breaking news.
Axe Cop has been elected
president of the world.
I am now president of the world.
And as such, I will
make up some new laws.
Axe Cop, what kind of laws?
Anyone that steals
money Now gets the
amount they stole dropped
on them in change.
Axe Cop, is your
speech over yet?
No, last night, I prayed to god.
And he told me there
will be 1 million years
of peace on Earth.
President Axe Cop,
how do you feel knowing
you'll probably never have to
- chop a bad guy's head off again?
- Bored.
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day
he became Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Oh! There's nothing to do.
I guess there is a downside
to a million years of peace.
There is no one left to fight.
Wrong! I can fight animals
at the fighting ZOO.
The fighting ZOO is a
ZOO where they let you
fight the animals. The animals
are all very good fighters.
Crying? Fighting
elephants don't cry.
Oh no. This is not
a fighting ZOO.
It's the normal ZOO.
I am going to the oval office and
never coming out ever again!
_
I'm really worried about
President Axe Cop.
He hasn't left his
room in months.
Oh! Madam first lady
Abraham Lincoln,
- you look ravishing.
- How's the president?
I wouldn't know.
He doesn't talk to
his wife anymore!
I only married you
to escape boredom!
Now I'm just bored
in a different way.
Fine, I'm going back to my own
time and turning back into a man.
She's just going to the mall.
- She does this all the time.
- Oh, good, you're gonna sweep.
No, just taking it
for another spin.
I think President Axe Cop
has finally lost it.
Uh, Mr. President, we need
you in the gold garden.
- I can't hear you. I'm flying.
- Aw, come on, buddy.
There are some important
world leaders down there.
And they have presents for you.
Presents?
Mr. President, may I present the
great wizard Artist Rabbit?
I have traveled all the
way from the beach to...
Where is my present?
- A pencil that makes me look tiny?
- It's a magic pencil.
Anything you draw with
it comes to life.
Hot chocolate, a fancy
hat, laughing children.
I will draw a giant bad guy
and then kill it before
it kills Flute Cop.
Ha!
I'll chop your...
- Aw! Drawing is hard.
- President Axe Cop,
Jr. Cobbb here from the
planet of talking gorillas.
- Present, gimme.
- I don't have one.
- Ugh!
- I came here because I need your help.
A brilliant Evil Scientist
has kidnapped my true love.
I need you to go to talking
gorilla planet with me
and kill the brilliant
Evil Scientist.
But that doesn't make any sense.
God said there would be a
million years of peace.
He said a million years
of peace on Earth.
Not on talking gorilla planet.
Uh!
Now punch the ground super hard.
It'll launch us into space.
Do not touch my presents.
I'll know if you do.
Finally, I am not bored!
Jr. Cobbb, where is the
brilliant Evil Scientist?
- He is over there.
- I know where that is.
I think I can pick the lock.
I got a better idea.
Check this out.
H'ya!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
- Brilliant Evil Scientist.
- Axe Cop.
I'll chop your head off! Ha'!
- Jr. Cobbb, my axe!
- I did what you asked, Evil Scientist.
I brought you Axe Cop.
- Jr. Cobbb, you're a bad guy?
- I had no choice.
The brilliant Evil Scientist
has my true love.
But I thought you were
my new best friend.
You thought that
because you're dumb,
just like everyone on Earth.
You're dumb!
And my brain is so smart
that everyone's stupidity
causes me tremendous...
brain pain!
But now that I've brilliantly
tricked you here,
I can execute my genius plan.
- Which is?
- Kill you, replace you
with a robot, and send it to Earth,
where it will kill everyone!
And then I will know
sweet brain peace.
One problem. You can't kill me.
Oh, I'm not going
to kill you, dummy.
- Axe Cop is going to kill you.
- Not if I kill me first!
Ha!
Ow!
Go ahead, evil robot Axe Cop,
chop off real Axe
Cop's stupid head.
There, he is dead.
Now let Maurice go.
Don't be stupid. I
killed Maurice.
And now... I have to kill you.
_
Grey, did you see this?
A million years of peace ends today.
Huh, time flies, huh?
Apparently, they're having
a big countdown party
all over the world.
What are you doing?!
Look at what the Rainbow
Princess gave Axe Cop.
- It's a hot plate!
- Are you insane?!
Did you open all of President
Axe Cop's presents?!
No. Now I did.
All right! Another hot plate!
Ooh la la. This
one's from France.
Are you trying to get
our heads chopped off?!
Because I like my head
right where it is,
slap dab between my shoulders.
- President Axe Cop!
- You opened my presents.
Oh, sorry, sorry. We'll rewrap them.
I swear.
Thank you. Now I must
go give a big speech
for the end-of-peace
countdown party.
See you there, fat
guy and jewel hat.
Huh, I could have sworn
he knew our names.
We've just gotten word
that President Axe Cop has
joined the celebration.
Let's go live to hear what the
best president ever has to say.
Earth, I am Axe Cop,
president of the world.
World peace is about to end.
Many, many, many bad guys
are coming to kill us.
And I won't be able to
chop off all their heads.
- You are doomed.
- Axe Cop, is your speech over yet?
No. There is only one
thing we can do.
Everyone has to open
their kitchen drawers,
pull out their favorite knife,
and stab themselves
in the chest.
I love you!
I don't know. Something doesn't
feel right about this.
Dude, this is Axe Cop, okay? He's
never steered us wrong before.
I say we stab ourselves
in the chest.
Yes! Yes! They're doing it!
They're all going to stab themselves
because they're all so stupid!
Axe Cop would never tell
people to stab themselves.
He'd chop their heads off himself.
Unless...
54, 53, 52...
That's not Axe Cop!
- Not so fast, dummy!
- Brilliant Evil Scientist?!
You're too late, Flute Cop. The
real Axe Cop is already dead.
And soon, thanks to
my robot Axe Cop,
All the other idiots on
Earth will be dead too.
W-Wait a minute. What's that?
- What? Did I lean on something?
- There's a note pinned to your back.
Oh, it's for me from Axe Cop.
Dear Evil Scientist,
when my head gets chopped
off, it just climbs back on.
It is one of my favorite
things about myself.
I brought Jr. Cobbb back to
life using a health potion.
As punishment for
helping a bad guy,
- I made Jr. Cobbb give me $5.
- Aww.
He told me your evil plan. I
told him you already told me.
And then I spent the
next one million years
teaching myself how to draw.
After that, I used my magic pencil
to draw a second Earth in space.
I named it... _
I relocated every single
person to Earth 2.
Then I drew a factory
that made bomb copies
of everyone on Earth.
They look like people,
but are set to detonate
when they get stabbed.
Then I wrote this note and
pinned it onto Flute Cop.
Looks like you're about to explode.
Signed, Axe Cop.
Ah, bomb people. Axe
Cop, that is brilliant.
9, 8, 7...
Oh, you're kidding me.
Flute twirl!
3... 2... 1!
Stab.
We did it, bros, the Evil
Scientist and Earth 1 are dead.
And a million years of peace is over.
So I'll never be bored again.
Um, Axe Cop? Why did
you leave me on Earth
- with all those dumb bomb copies?
- Hey, what am I doing here?
So... I was a bomb
copy the whole time?
- Yes.
- But why do I have feelings, memories?
Because I'm really
good at drawing.
Oh, I get it now.
Well, I guess I'll go see
what that sunset's all about.
♪ We clawed, we chained
our hearts in vain ♪
♪ we jumped never asking why ♪
♪ we kissed, I fell
under your spell ♪
♪ a love no one could deny ♪
♪ I came in like a
wrecking ball ♪
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
Breaking news.
Axe Cop has been elected
president of the world.
I am now president of the world.
And as such, I will
make up some new laws.
Axe Cop, what kind of laws?
Anyone that steals
money Now gets the
amount they stole dropped
on them in change.
Axe Cop, is your
speech over yet?
No, last night, I prayed to god.
And he told me there
will be 1 million years
of peace on Earth.
President Axe Cop,
how do you feel knowing
you'll probably never have to
- chop a bad guy's head off again?
- Bored.
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day
he became Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Oh! There's nothing to do.
I guess there is a downside
to a million years of peace.
There is no one left to fight.
Wrong! I can fight animals
at the fighting ZOO.
The fighting ZOO is a
ZOO where they let you
fight the animals. The animals
are all very good fighters.
Crying? Fighting
elephants don't cry.
Oh no. This is not
a fighting ZOO.
It's the normal ZOO.
I am going to the oval office and
never coming out ever again!
_
I'm really worried about
President Axe Cop.
He hasn't left his
room in months.
Oh! Madam first lady
Abraham Lincoln,
- you look ravishing.
- How's the president?
I wouldn't know.
He doesn't talk to
his wife anymore!
I only married you
to escape boredom!
Now I'm just bored
in a different way.
Fine, I'm going back to my own
time and turning back into a man.
She's just going to the mall.
- She does this all the time.
- Oh, good, you're gonna sweep.
No, just taking it
for another spin.
I think President Axe Cop
has finally lost it.
Uh, Mr. President, we need
you in the gold garden.
- I can't hear you. I'm flying.
- Aw, come on, buddy.
There are some important
world leaders down there.
And they have presents for you.
Presents?
Mr. President, may I present the
great wizard Artist Rabbit?
I have traveled all the
way from the beach to...
Where is my present?
- A pencil that makes me look tiny?
- It's a magic pencil.
Anything you draw with
it comes to life.
Hot chocolate, a fancy
hat, laughing children.
I will draw a giant bad guy
and then kill it before
it kills Flute Cop.
Ha!
I'll chop your...
- Aw! Drawing is hard.
- President Axe Cop,
Jr. Cobbb here from the
planet of talking gorillas.
- Present, gimme.
- I don't have one.
- Ugh!
- I came here because I need your help.
A brilliant Evil Scientist
has kidnapped my true love.
I need you to go to talking
gorilla planet with me
and kill the brilliant
Evil Scientist.
But that doesn't make any sense.
God said there would be a
million years of peace.
He said a million years
of peace on Earth.
Not on talking gorilla planet.
Uh!
Now punch the ground super hard.
It'll launch us into space.
Do not touch my presents.
I'll know if you do.
Finally, I am not bored!
Jr. Cobbb, where is the
brilliant Evil Scientist?
- He is over there.
- I know where that is.
I think I can pick the lock.
I got a better idea.
Check this out.
H'ya!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
- Brilliant Evil Scientist.
- Axe Cop.
I'll chop your head off! Ha'!
- Jr. Cobbb, my axe!
- I did what you asked, Evil Scientist.
I brought you Axe Cop.
- Jr. Cobbb, you're a bad guy?
- I had no choice.
The brilliant Evil Scientist
has my true love.
But I thought you were
my new best friend.
You thought that
because you're dumb,
just like everyone on Earth.
You're dumb!
And my brain is so smart
that everyone's stupidity
causes me tremendous...
brain pain!
But now that I've brilliantly
tricked you here,
I can execute my genius plan.
- Which is?
- Kill you, replace you
with a robot, and send it to Earth,
where it will kill everyone!
And then I will know
sweet brain peace.
One problem. You can't kill me.
Oh, I'm not going
to kill you, dummy.
- Axe Cop is going to kill you.
- Not if I kill me first!
Ha!
Ow!
Go ahead, evil robot Axe Cop,
chop off real Axe
Cop's stupid head.
There, he is dead.
Now let Maurice go.
Don't be stupid. I
killed Maurice.
And now... I have to kill you.
_
Grey, did you see this?
A million years of peace ends today.
Huh, time flies, huh?
Apparently, they're having
a big countdown party
all over the world.
What are you doing?!
Look at what the Rainbow
Princess gave Axe Cop.
- It's a hot plate!
- Are you insane?!
Did you open all of President
Axe Cop's presents?!
No. Now I did.
All right! Another hot plate!
Ooh la la. This
one's from France.
Are you trying to get
our heads chopped off?!
Because I like my head
right where it is,
slap dab between my shoulders.
- President Axe Cop!
- You opened my presents.
Oh, sorry, sorry. We'll rewrap them.
I swear.
Thank you. Now I must
go give a big speech
for the end-of-peace
countdown party.
See you there, fat
guy and jewel hat.
Huh, I could have sworn
he knew our names.
We've just gotten word
that President Axe Cop has
joined the celebration.
Let's go live to hear what the
best president ever has to say.
Earth, I am Axe Cop,
president of the world.
World peace is about to end.
Many, many, many bad guys
are coming to kill us.
And I won't be able to
chop off all their heads.
- You are doomed.
- Axe Cop, is your speech over yet?
No. There is only one
thing we can do.
Everyone has to open
their kitchen drawers,
pull out their favorite knife,
and stab themselves
in the chest.
I love you!
I don't know. Something doesn't
feel right about this.
Dude, this is Axe Cop, okay? He's
never steered us wrong before.
I say we stab ourselves
in the chest.
Yes! Yes! They're doing it!
They're all going to stab themselves
because they're all so stupid!
Axe Cop would never tell
people to stab themselves.
He'd chop their heads off himself.
Unless...
54, 53, 52...
That's not Axe Cop!
- Not so fast, dummy!
- Brilliant Evil Scientist?!
You're too late, Flute Cop. The
real Axe Cop is already dead.
And soon, thanks to
my robot Axe Cop,
All the other idiots on
Earth will be dead too.
W-Wait a minute. What's that?
- What? Did I lean on something?
- There's a note pinned to your back.
Oh, it's for me from Axe Cop.
Dear Evil Scientist,
when my head gets chopped
off, it just climbs back on.
It is one of my favorite
things about myself.
I brought Jr. Cobbb back to
life using a health potion.
As punishment for
helping a bad guy,
- I made Jr. Cobbb give me $5.
- Aww.
He told me your evil plan. I
told him you already told me.
And then I spent the
next one million years
teaching myself how to draw.
After that, I used my magic pencil
to draw a second Earth in space.
I named it... _
I relocated every single
person to Earth 2.
Then I drew a factory
that made bomb copies
of everyone on Earth.
They look like people,
but are set to detonate
when they get stabbed.
Then I wrote this note and
pinned it onto Flute Cop.
Looks like you're about to explode.
Signed, Axe Cop.
Ah, bomb people. Axe
Cop, that is brilliant.
9, 8, 7...
Oh, you're kidding me.
Flute twirl!
3... 2... 1!
Stab.
We did it, bros, the Evil
Scientist and Earth 1 are dead.
And a million years of peace is over.
So I'll never be bored again.
Um, Axe Cop? Why did
you leave me on Earth
- with all those dumb bomb copies?
- Hey, what am I doing here?
So... I was a bomb
copy the whole time?
- Yes.
- But why do I have feelings, memories?
Because I'm really
good at drawing.
Oh, I get it now.
Well, I guess I'll go see
what that sunset's all about.
♪ We clawed, we chained
our hearts in vain ♪
♪ we jumped never asking why ♪
♪ we kissed, I fell
under your spell ♪
♪ a love no one could deny ♪
♪ I came in like a
wrecking ball ♪
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪