Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 5 - Mark Frankenstein - full transcript
Grey Diamond explores his origins and searches his past for his true destiny.
_
The holy chamber's
been breached.
Protect the Diamond!
Well, cousin Rooster, for
the last time, you git.
My name ain't Rooster.
It's Lord Diamond!
You hear that, boys?! Rooster's
called himself Lord Diamond.
The Diamond did not choose you.
You ain't a man. You half a man.
You a half-man, half-nothin'!
Y'all are wrong!
And I'll show you.
I call upon the ancient words...
Hee-haw!
Lord, I'm coming home to you.
No-oooo!
One day, at the
scene of the fire
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day
he became Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Team, time to work
on our battle cries.
I'll go first, since
mine is the best.
_
Sockarang, go!
_
Nice. Ralph Wrinkles, go!
_
Better. Flute Cop, you're up.
_
__
Great. Wexter!
_
Love it. Grey Diamond!
I-I-I-I-I don't have one!
That's the worst
battle cry ever.
No no no. That's what I'm saying,
I don't have a battle cry.
Honestly, I wouldn't
worry about it, buddy.
It's not like you have any
powers, proper training
or fighting skills. So you
don't need a battle cry.
You're right, Flute Cop. I guess I
don't have much of a purpose here.
And you know what? I'm not one
to hold my best friends back.
So you guys keep fighting crime
and I'm gonna go find
something else awesome to do.
What? You can't leave the team!
- What are you gonna do for money?
- Oh, don't worry about me.
Old Grey Diamond here,
he lands on his feet.
Whoa, did Grey
Diamond just quit?
Because he doesn't get unemployment
if he quits. I told him that.
You look so dumb with that big
diamond on your head, bro.
Guess I don't need this
stupid thing anymore.
Welcome to my pawnshop.
What can I pawn for you today?
What's up, bro? I got a
big diamond on my head
and I gotta pawn
this A.S.A.Possible.
Hmm. Where'd you get that, ace?
Well, my low-energy
friend, pull up a chair,
'cause I got a story that's
gonna blow your head off.
You see, people didn't
always call me Grey Diamond.
No no. My parents
thought "Frankenstein"
was a pretty cool name, so they
called me Mark Frankenstein.
Wait. You're world-renowned
diamond expert
- Mark Frankenstein?
- Oh wow.
I haven't heard that
name in years, bro.
I lectured on some of
the most controversial
diamond theories of my day.
The legendary Grey Diamond
holds unlimited power.
Whoever possesses that
power can do anything.
Tomorrow we're gonna
pick up on how diamonds
can tell you your destiny if
you listen really closely.
Whoo.
Hey, Sergeant G, my old partner!
High fives!
I thought they were
shipping you out
- to the chicken head war.
- Mark, I need your help.
Some miners in Alabama
found a diamond.
The army wants to cut it up
and sell it to get rich.
That doesn't concern me. I'm a
professor now... of children.
My diamond-hunting days are
long behind me, best friend.
No no, don't worry about it, no.
I-I... I understand.
Oh, and by the way, that
diamond they found? It's grey.
It's grey.
It's grey. It's grey.
Oh, bro. The Grey Diamond.
Nobody's been able to
pull this diamond out.
I guess we're just gonna
have to cut it out.
Stop right there!
Nobody cuts this diamond!
Mark Frankenstein?
No one respects you
or your crazy diamond theories.
Now stand back. Cut through
him if you have to.
No-oooo!
What the heck?
Grey Diamond!
But turns out the grey
diamond has no powers.
At all. Like zero.
Yep, just kind of a
cool hat really.
Great story. I'll
give you $15 for it.
- For $15 you can have the outfit also.
- Yeah, I'm gonna...
- I'm gonna pass on the suit.
- Nice!
American History Museum, how
may I direct your call?
Hey, buddy, you're not
gonna believe this,
but you know that diamond
you keep calling about?
- Somebody brought it in.
- I never called about a...
I'll be right there, city boy.
What are you having, Axe Cop?
- Do you have babies?
- Babies? Huh, no!
Good, because
they're disgusting.
My mom used to make me eat 'em
all the time to stay healthy.
Oh. And for you, s...
What the heck?!
The souls of everything
are getting sucked up
and they're heading Downtown!
You're not going anywhere, soul!
This is the best $15
I've ever spent, bro.
- Libor...
- Liborg, no!
What's going on?
Someone's gotta stop all this!
Where's Axe Cop?
Hee-haw!
Lord Diamond! You're
supposed to be on display
at the American History Museum
in the ancient Alabama exhibit.
I was layin' low, bidin' my time
till I could get my hot lil'
hands on the Grey Diamond.
And with the power of
this here Grey Diamond,
I'm gonna be half-man...
half-everything!
Oh my gosh!
Grey Diamond... Grey Diamond.
Now listen closely, I need
to tell you your destiny.
My theory was right! Diamonds
can tell you your destiny.
You must stop half-man,
half-everything
from getting Axe Cop's soul.
Me? But I don't even
have a battle cry.
I'm just a regular guy
that used to have a giant
diamond for a head before
I pawned it for $15.
The Grey Diamond chose
you to protect Axe Cop.
It's your destiny.
I have a destiny and it's
to protect Axe Cop?!
Yeah! Best destiny ever!
All right.
Hey, let go of Axe Cop's soul!
Grey Diamond? What
are you doing here?
What I was born to
do: protect you!
So the ancients have
sent their so-called
chosen one to defeat me?
You're nothing,
Mark Frankenstein!
Nothing!
But if you join me, you can
be half of everything!
A building, Mark!
You could be a truck!
You could be a ladder.
A real destiny.
I'm sorry, Lord Muchacho.
I already got a destiny.
- Whoa ho ho!
- I got my soul back! Yay!
Oh, I'm so happy I can
keep waitressing.
Wexter!
Awesome! You don't
have to say thank you.
It's my destiny to protect you.
Oh, that's a great battle cry:
I protect Axe Cop's soul!
Nailed it.
- Hey, wanna hear my battle cry again?
- No!
_
Don't ever touch my axe again.
The holy chamber's
been breached.
Protect the Diamond!
Well, cousin Rooster, for
the last time, you git.
My name ain't Rooster.
It's Lord Diamond!
You hear that, boys?! Rooster's
called himself Lord Diamond.
The Diamond did not choose you.
You ain't a man. You half a man.
You a half-man, half-nothin'!
Y'all are wrong!
And I'll show you.
I call upon the ancient words...
Hee-haw!
Lord, I'm coming home to you.
No-oooo!
One day, at the
scene of the fire
the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day
he became Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Team, time to work
on our battle cries.
I'll go first, since
mine is the best.
_
Sockarang, go!
_
Nice. Ralph Wrinkles, go!
_
Better. Flute Cop, you're up.
_
__
Great. Wexter!
_
Love it. Grey Diamond!
I-I-I-I-I don't have one!
That's the worst
battle cry ever.
No no no. That's what I'm saying,
I don't have a battle cry.
Honestly, I wouldn't
worry about it, buddy.
It's not like you have any
powers, proper training
or fighting skills. So you
don't need a battle cry.
You're right, Flute Cop. I guess I
don't have much of a purpose here.
And you know what? I'm not one
to hold my best friends back.
So you guys keep fighting crime
and I'm gonna go find
something else awesome to do.
What? You can't leave the team!
- What are you gonna do for money?
- Oh, don't worry about me.
Old Grey Diamond here,
he lands on his feet.
Whoa, did Grey
Diamond just quit?
Because he doesn't get unemployment
if he quits. I told him that.
You look so dumb with that big
diamond on your head, bro.
Guess I don't need this
stupid thing anymore.
Welcome to my pawnshop.
What can I pawn for you today?
What's up, bro? I got a
big diamond on my head
and I gotta pawn
this A.S.A.Possible.
Hmm. Where'd you get that, ace?
Well, my low-energy
friend, pull up a chair,
'cause I got a story that's
gonna blow your head off.
You see, people didn't
always call me Grey Diamond.
No no. My parents
thought "Frankenstein"
was a pretty cool name, so they
called me Mark Frankenstein.
Wait. You're world-renowned
diamond expert
- Mark Frankenstein?
- Oh wow.
I haven't heard that
name in years, bro.
I lectured on some of
the most controversial
diamond theories of my day.
The legendary Grey Diamond
holds unlimited power.
Whoever possesses that
power can do anything.
Tomorrow we're gonna
pick up on how diamonds
can tell you your destiny if
you listen really closely.
Whoo.
Hey, Sergeant G, my old partner!
High fives!
I thought they were
shipping you out
- to the chicken head war.
- Mark, I need your help.
Some miners in Alabama
found a diamond.
The army wants to cut it up
and sell it to get rich.
That doesn't concern me. I'm a
professor now... of children.
My diamond-hunting days are
long behind me, best friend.
No no, don't worry about it, no.
I-I... I understand.
Oh, and by the way, that
diamond they found? It's grey.
It's grey.
It's grey. It's grey.
Oh, bro. The Grey Diamond.
Nobody's been able to
pull this diamond out.
I guess we're just gonna
have to cut it out.
Stop right there!
Nobody cuts this diamond!
Mark Frankenstein?
No one respects you
or your crazy diamond theories.
Now stand back. Cut through
him if you have to.
No-oooo!
What the heck?
Grey Diamond!
But turns out the grey
diamond has no powers.
At all. Like zero.
Yep, just kind of a
cool hat really.
Great story. I'll
give you $15 for it.
- For $15 you can have the outfit also.
- Yeah, I'm gonna...
- I'm gonna pass on the suit.
- Nice!
American History Museum, how
may I direct your call?
Hey, buddy, you're not
gonna believe this,
but you know that diamond
you keep calling about?
- Somebody brought it in.
- I never called about a...
I'll be right there, city boy.
What are you having, Axe Cop?
- Do you have babies?
- Babies? Huh, no!
Good, because
they're disgusting.
My mom used to make me eat 'em
all the time to stay healthy.
Oh. And for you, s...
What the heck?!
The souls of everything
are getting sucked up
and they're heading Downtown!
You're not going anywhere, soul!
This is the best $15
I've ever spent, bro.
- Libor...
- Liborg, no!
What's going on?
Someone's gotta stop all this!
Where's Axe Cop?
Hee-haw!
Lord Diamond! You're
supposed to be on display
at the American History Museum
in the ancient Alabama exhibit.
I was layin' low, bidin' my time
till I could get my hot lil'
hands on the Grey Diamond.
And with the power of
this here Grey Diamond,
I'm gonna be half-man...
half-everything!
Oh my gosh!
Grey Diamond... Grey Diamond.
Now listen closely, I need
to tell you your destiny.
My theory was right! Diamonds
can tell you your destiny.
You must stop half-man,
half-everything
from getting Axe Cop's soul.
Me? But I don't even
have a battle cry.
I'm just a regular guy
that used to have a giant
diamond for a head before
I pawned it for $15.
The Grey Diamond chose
you to protect Axe Cop.
It's your destiny.
I have a destiny and it's
to protect Axe Cop?!
Yeah! Best destiny ever!
All right.
Hey, let go of Axe Cop's soul!
Grey Diamond? What
are you doing here?
What I was born to
do: protect you!
So the ancients have
sent their so-called
chosen one to defeat me?
You're nothing,
Mark Frankenstein!
Nothing!
But if you join me, you can
be half of everything!
A building, Mark!
You could be a truck!
You could be a ladder.
A real destiny.
I'm sorry, Lord Muchacho.
I already got a destiny.
- Whoa ho ho!
- I got my soul back! Yay!
Oh, I'm so happy I can
keep waitressing.
Wexter!
Awesome! You don't
have to say thank you.
It's my destiny to protect you.
Oh, that's a great battle cry:
I protect Axe Cop's soul!
Nailed it.
- Hey, wanna hear my battle cry again?
- No!
_
Don't ever touch my axe again.